The root of all of our βdisordersβ has to do with being what we experience as being birthed out of the divine. We experience it as being de-parented from our divine and are left with the orphan wound.
Everything thatβs seen as wrong with you or I can be traced back to this wound. Itβs only by going into this wound as a portal, as an opening (interesting that the literal meaning of the word wound is opening) that our experience of true divine connection is restored.
Why would it all be this way? Why the being birthed out of the divine? Why the veil of forgetting? Why the seeming need for a conscious choice of awakening?
My awareness and βanswerβ to the above questions has been that it all has to do with the divine not having a way of knowing itself, experiencing itself. What beauty is there in perfection if it cannot be observed, if it cannot be contrasted? Hence the divine created βotherβ along with duality, both of which didnβt exist before, at least in expression.
But whatβs dawning on me now, beyond all of the above understanding (that has infused a lot of my writing up till now) is a deeper feeling sense of the entire point being about communion, if I could use that word, or βsacred unionβ to try another. This is where the feelings and experiences are likened to a βbridal chamberβ where the beloveds are totally in thrall to one another and all the practicalities of life are suspended to make room for this exchange of what amounts to witnessing the divine.
Iβve long thought of this as the reverse of the de-parenting or orphan experience, but whatβs also dawning on me now is how this is less of a reverse, and more of a transverse, a step further along the path, rather than a step back. It makes sense that in our conditioning, we would try to retrace our steps, like finding our way out of a jungle, to try and return to source.
But the divine is not lost or seeking to restore something lost, or trying to win a battle between good and evil, or between βgodβ and βdevilβ.
If this is all the divineβs forward step, then this all sheds a lot of light on what we call our attachments. Our sense of βI Amβ is conditioned to our attainments and attachments. To deny the need for a healthy ego, where so many spiritualities have detoured into (in my opinion) is to dissociate from the human experience and journey. A suicide and a βdeicideβ (the killing of the human and the deity within) in one fell swoop.
Itβs the ego that has attachments, and the journey through life, if anything, is a negotiation of oneβs attachments, letting in new ones and letting go of old ones. A baby comes with none and the deceased leave with none.
This makes you and I literal expressions of the divineβs own evolution, or better said – I Am The Divine Now.
I was struck this morning by the relationship of the words βmorphβ and βorphanβ, where morph means to essentially shapeshift, and orphan means to lose oneβs parents. The shapeshift we all underwent was being parented by the divine and then losing experiential awareness of that fact.
Now weβre left with belief based god connections that are largely robbed of genuine feeling experience or if there is some kind of emotional connection, the feelings and experiences are skewed and hijacked by the obvious orphan wound into something unnatural and unbecoming to a grounded human, often rooted in exclusivity or absolution of guilt. Thereβs something commoditized, scarcified and being sold about it all. But even this darkness and taking advantage of our forgetting is also sourced in the divineβs evolution. No?
If youβve read this far, first, thank you, and allow me to make this personal.
At 62, and with a lot of change in life experience, roles in family, religion, geography, birth family gains and losses, soul family gains and losses, being challenged with letting in a ton of goodness and even finding myself choking on it all at times, Iβm feeling the choking is about this ongoing negotiation in the divineβs own adventure. The choking always seems to be about letting go of an old attachment and a part of me not feeling assured of just what the new attachments will be about, or if we can make those attachments, or actually enjoy them.
Iβve felt a lot of reaction in my digestive system and sleep patterns for years even that feel like an ongoing negotiating of an upgrade to a higher level of consciousness. For so many decades prior, I could eat whatever I wanted to and sleep like a baby, and without so much as a cold in my body, let alone any deeper ailments.
Now, Iβm eating far healthier than I ever did, living a stress free life in so many ways, and yet thereβs this discomfort in the body, a dis-ease, a loss of the former ease.
If that doesnβt describe a death and a rebirth, I canβt imagine what would! Needing to let go of baked goods for instance, that mainstay from the hearth and heart of Gaia, usually prepared and served by the feminine heart and gifted to the children – thatβs one of thee most satisfying of all attachments that Iβve come across. And rooted in so many lifetimes!
Let THAT go?!
Why?
The invitation is to feel the attachment instead of dissociating from it, or pave over it. The guidance Iβm getting is that it is in the willingness to actually feel loss, to actually experience loss, (which is the very thing the divine couldnβt do βbeforeβ) that is what moves us forward in the divineβs birth canal into what hasnβt actually existed before in divinity, what actually leads to the bridal chamber of sacred union with all of life and love. A loss wouldnβt be a loss if there was no attachment to it. You came here to navigate attachments. You came here to have them and to let them go, and make new ones.
This speaks to the morphing going on in the orphan, shapeshifting from one whoβs lost and losing (a loser) to one whoβs found and gaining, a βfoundlingβ we could call you.
That word just popped out and I had to look it up – get this:
Foundling: A “foundling” refers to an infant or young child who has been abandoned and found with no known parents or guardians. This term is often used to describe a child discovered and taken in by others or an institution, as the child’s origin is unknown.
Wow!
I was raised on those words from the hymn βAmazing Graceβ – βI once was lost but now am foundβ. I believe that these words are the divineβs own testimony if you will. You are the divineβs expression right now, as you are, and how your and my βattachment disordersβ are currently playing out and through is all just the cutting edge of divine evolution.
Maybe all we’re really in need of is a little grief counseling, when it comes right down to it. I know of no better way to do this than to show up for the part of me whoβs in the grief, whoβs negotiating the change of conditionings currently playing out in my world. This is literally being in the bridal chamber – a place for sorrow and joy in equal measure!
One more thought in closing today. The word diet literally means βway of lifeβ. A change in diet is a change in oneβs way of life. All cultures have a cultured diet. It feels like the change in way of life we are being invited into is about all of the βfoodsβ that have sustained us. All of our appetites that are shifting.
I canβt think of anything more fun than being connected with people who are living out this cutting edge of change in their way of life. Challenging? Without a doubt! My greatest so far, but also the most rewarding and where my appetites are!
Bon Apetite!
Love,
Raphael
The mushroom pic is from along the trail from this week’s hike. Strangely, every single one these guys only grew along the very edge of the trail, nowhere else to be seen, seemingly wanting to be noticed. How divine!
Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart) 