The Portal Of Our Separation Wound

By  Raphael Awen

Deep, potent, powerful transformation is available to all of us, but this accelerated and conscious version of our growth, only occurs as we are willing to go inward to transparently and vulnerably feel our fears.

Growth and forward momentum is guaranteed whether we choose this accelerated path or not, as we are all immersed in the learning and growth vehicle we call life, and it’s wired for growth and the ultimate and ongoing reconciliation with the divine that we are. But some of us are just impatient!

We have so many levels of growth and learning that await us, but for now, our primary familiar level of conscious awareness on this earth plane is our gateway to the higher ones we crave and yearn for. If that’s true, then what you have probably felt was a hindrance to your awakening is actually instead the opportunity for it.

If we can choose a surrender over a success kind of mindset; reconciliation over attainments; stewarding over possessing, then we get closer to where what before felt like blocks, hindrances and missing capacities, are now readily transmuted into portals to the real and truer thing that’s underneath the attachments to the false thing. Here you are presented with what you really want.

This should be a big sigh of relief as you toss out all the technique based how to manuals that only ultimately helped you run out of gas for the self discipline (torture) picture of spirituality. Your time of slaving in return for breadcrumbs of your essence is over if you are ready for it to be over.

Somewhere next in here, you are faced with the challenge of having what you really want, which you before assumed was instant bliss, goodness and happiness and instead are surprised to see that even here, negotiation and adjustment are needed.

Parts of you are losing a familiar territory where they learned to live in some dimension of lack, and they need to be embraced and honored for the service they’ve given and the posts they’ve held. Their reactions are actually the keys to the portal through these reactions – reactions are movements, not something to be overcome or worse yet, ‘mastered’. The only place the word mastery deserves a place in your lexicon is the mastery of surrender, which is not the attainment of personal power over something, but instead the letting go of that now false, and maybe once treasured power, into the power ‘under’ something, the power that underlies and animates all things, that can’t be attained, only surrendered into. That’s good news because falling is a whole lot easier than climbing, yes?!

It’s crazy making to get so much closer to the bliss you wanted and chose only to find more formidable blocks that make you wonder why you set out on this journey in the first place.

I believe what you and I are carrying deep within us is 2 divine programs, if I could call them that. These are benevolent programs that we actually not only agreed to, but were also the creators of, and also the why of why we were willing to be individuated from the divine from oneness into this twoness/duality where we retained everything we once were, but also agreed to these 2 paths or journeys of forgetting and remembering in it all.

The forgetting and remembering that you and I are playing out, we are playing it out together, with each of us at different stages, but all dependent and connected to one another. No one arrives home until all arrive home.

The forgetting program involves a deep wound, an ache that calls for our attention. This wound is the separation wound, where both consciously, but mostly unconsciously, we carry and express an inner knowing of something lost, something so precious that we almost wish we never knew of such goodness, for the pain that a single ounce of this remembering piques in us.

But this program alone without a countering program would be pure torture. The other program we have and possess is the program to remember. I believe your and my full remembrance of everything we lost is not only baked in the cake, but this remembrance even excels the original state we forfeited and takes it into ongoing creative expansion of more. This is the what and the why our souls embraced this plan with such abandon.

We knew that for the divine to have the opportunity to meet and get to know itself for the first time would be a sacred union like no other. The divine couldn’t do this without forgetting and remembering, and it decided to do it billions of times over and over with individuated consciosness’s called you and me.

The heights of our tension though is at these crazy making points where our surrender into the crazy is asked for. This is the process of death and rebirth. Something that once lived, breathed and had purpose and meaning is dying, concluding, wrapping up, preparing to breathe its last and it needs someone to hold space, a hospice kind of space, an open heart space for it to wrap up. This is pieces and parts of you that are transmuting through death and rebirth even as your physical body and name address on the planet has continuity.

This is where time spent in palliative care and the nursery of your inner hospital often occurs on the same day as you participate in goodbyes and hellos to old you and new arising you.

I invite you to embrace the separation wound as it lives in you and however it is currently expressing in your life circumstances.  Here you will find is where the remembering is also happening in the fullest swing you can self lovingly handle, where every piece has time and space to be savoured, honored and transmuted.

Here is your greatest service of love, which helps you recognize your unique youness, which is integral to reuniting fully with the divine without losing yourself in the divine. The divine wants union which is about 2 coming together, over and over again. This means you never lose your individuality. It only keeps shifting and changing into more. You’ll need more you to be in this kind of union.

We need each other to get on with this more and more as each of our attainments are a co-op kind of shared agreement of ownership. Your gain is mine and vice versa.

I hope this lands in you as an answer to some deep questions you’ve been asking. I felt some distress calls as I was writing this today.

Jelelle Awen and I are hosting a group call this Sunday to connect more around the separation wound which will get into more of this, in a heart and feeling space with others, where something magical always occurs for everyone present. I’d like to invite you if this calls to you. Details here: 💚

And there’s also our free SoulFullHeart Portal to climatize more to these energies and fellow inclined people. You can join here:

Thank you for reading and thank you for connecting.

Much love,


It even got cool enough this week to break out the toques, which has been a rare thing this warm winter here in central Portugal. This is at the Mondego river which runs through Coimbra city, Portugal’s third largest (if I’m not mistaken), a place we go for some adventure at times and new shoes, which we found for Jelelle!

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

Now Free: We are now offering for free our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal here:

Finding Compassion As We Calibrate To The Truth Of Our Times

By Kalayna Solais

Pretty intense head and neck pain this morning which started last night… a detox and a calibration too after going down more ‘rabbit holes’ which has become a daily venture lately. I don’t feel much emotional reaction to it all anymore now aside from waves of necessary tears that open up to swells of deepening compassion even for the ‘culprits’, as I can feel they are still my ‘brothers and sisters’ and how we are always connected.

The world of celebrity (which is one of the main rabbit holes to go down right now) is one of duality, of separation, of energizing ‘I am a god/goddess and you are not’ and with the recent WHO support concert, ‘Together at Home’, this gap and separation has been praised and preached on in other ways too, encouraging the audience to embrace all of the now mandated social/physical separation as a new lifestyle. It’s an ‘Elite’ agenda disguised as a message of hope from on high, just as so many dark and covert messages have been disguised for decades, masked by propaganda and many mind-controlled ‘puppets’ in the world of the rich and famous and in the mainstream media too. This article I took in yesterday made some amazing points about it all:

The veil is becoming pretty thin around all of this now though with more information more easily available and more souls ready to take it in and feel all they need to feel about it, running the gamete of mourning reactions from denial to anger to sadness to hopelessness. I feel how this is what’s supposed to happen now as these ways of celebrating duality in these dark and ultimately very, very painful expressions are running out of ground and about to reach a new level of healing that’s becoming accessible as those who were once considered powerful are now realizing they are quite vulnerable and grasping at straws trying to avoid truly feeling that in themselves.

It’s so easy to feel disillusioned and depressed at this time of awakening and many souls will need to be in that for a while… the ‘sheen’ is wearing off of what was once considered shiny and attractive about celebrity, about immense business ‘achievement’, about the real and often gritty work of awakening through these intense and challenging birth canals of expanded awareness. I for one didn’t know much about the Elite pedophile rings until now and it’s been VERY important to allow myself and every part of me to be with the reactions and feel them, even the cognitive dissonance that does eventually lead to deep tears of feeling the young ones involved in all of it. Through these feelings I find context again though and was offered strongly last night to ‘not be afraid’ and to remember that even those souls who have chosen to be the perpetrators are my ‘brothers and sisters’ and often they aren’t fully aware of what they’re doing or, they are walking out the expressions of extreme polarity that they’re meant to in their lifetime to help us see and reconcile our own darkness.

Enter now our awakening connections (though still largely unconscious for many of us) to our Reptilian aspect(s) in other dimensions who are witnessing all of this and awakening themselves. I felt my own, whose name is Skeevra, come in last night to feel this all through with me, everything that I’ve been reading and downloading and feeling. I began my conscious connection with Skeevra a couple of months ago and she was dazed then, just coming out of ‘hive mind’ and realizing she had an individuality to now embrace as well as a connection to the rest of my Galactic aspects who quickly took her into their care. She feels quite cleared of that cloud she was in now and wanted to be with me this morning as I write this piece, for some of these playouts of AI mind control, pleasure at any cost and always in close relationship to pain, lack of empathy, etc, originate from the Reptilian dimensions yet are also being reconciled there as more and more of them begin to heal their separation from the Divine and from Love itself.

Skeevra doesn’t have many ‘words’ but sends me pictures as we communicate. I saw her molting today and felt how this is happening for me too, layers and layers that have kept my heart from feeling more compassion for others and served me to stay in outrage reactions and an over-fixation on dissonance in my life rather than nourishing the resonance. These are all Reptilian energies and they are in reaction/response to the newly evolving self-awareness in many of them that awakens as WE awaken for we cannot separate from them or any other being in this universe.

These reactions are in fact normal and necessary to feel and there is so much Divine compassion for all of us, no matter what we are feeling in reaction to what we hear or read about right now or at any time. There is always, though, an invitation to move through it and let the Divine support you on your way back to love consciousness, back to an awareness of WHY this has all been happening, what we are to learn from it all about TRUE and DEEP compassion and empathy, and why we absolutely need to have that for ourselves, within ourselves, on our journey to feel that deeper with others. Feeling this for and with our own individual Reptilian connections feels like a key to this deeper movement/healing.

In all of this, I keep coming back to the same context… that we wouldn’t have been walking this out, living out these patterns and this duality if we didn’t NEED to on our path to Ascension. Ascension is, ultimately, a return to Divine love and consciousness, a return to beautiful awareness of our Divinity and Christ-light within. We have steps to be with on the path to this embodiment and all of them are sacred… even in these extreme and sometimes incredibly shocking playouts of ‘other-ness’.

Much love from my ever-finding-its-way and VERY humbled sacred human heart to yours… ❤


I highly recommend connecting with Jelelle Awen’s guided meditation to meet your Reptilian aspect if you’re curious about that for yourself:

Also! THIS coming Wednesday, April 29th, Raphael and Jelelle will be talking about connecting with your Reptilian aspect and unplugging from the AI/4D Matrix during their next group call in the “Free to Be’ series. More info here:

Raphael Awen and I are available for 1:1 sessions to help you explore these reactions and connections within yourself… for more info on sessions, visit


Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Healing Separation & Segregation Through Inner Unification

by Kalayna Colibri

Painting: Paintbrush Warrior by Mark Henson

The separation and segregation of people starts INSIDE of everyone… the inner refugees of outer trauma and abuse “wars” are knocking on the door of your heart and soul. Parts and Metasoul Aspects from different timelines and life situations in this lifetime are longing for healing and unification and a great shift in the only realities they’ve ever known.

Parts of you have been separated and suppressed by Inner Punishers, Protectors, Matriarchs/Patriarchs, etc by the good/necessary intentions of these parts to keep them safe. Your Metasoul Aspects from oppressive and intense timelines have been suppressed by your Gatekeeper – the guardian of your soul, who has been waiting for you to become more ready to let these timelines through consciously and bring them into the healing/shifting and eventual unification with you and each other that they most need to experience. You can read more about Gatekeepers here: and more about parts/Metasoul Aspects here:

This is all a result of 3D conditioning and pain… habits that have been passed down through generations in your family, and supported/enabled by friends, teachers, confidants who also have these dynamics playing out inside of them. Authority figures of all kinds have this happening inside of them too and we see this play out on the world stage constantly.

All of these pieces and parts and aspects are meant to come WITH you as you ascend and especially as you engage deeper in the work of becoming who you are most meant to become.

To lead something different in this ascending world starts inside of you… where the real source of the outrage and pain always comes back to… the only place where you can really, truly, deeply ‘take action’ and make a difference, and the one refuge that you get to have any control over. You are the source of an inner-overflow of love that affects and impacts the world.

This process of going inward when parts of you would prefer to look and go outward inevitably brings you to more compassion too… towards yourself and others, even those you feel challenged to feel any compassion for right now. This challenge of feeling the inner dynamics that are co-creating the situation around you is the one that is the most worth seeing, feeling and being in, because it has the potential to bring the most change in the world and a genuine ascension into higher timelines and higher-dimensional experiences of LOVE.


There is much support to feel these landscapes and parts inside of your heart and soul. One-on-one Bridging Sessions with myself (women 35 and under), Jelelle (women over 35), Gabriel (men and women), and Raphael (men and women) are available for $55usd min. donation:


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, WayShower, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

You Are Anything But Separate – with Archangel Metatron

by Kalayna Colibri

connected to universe

Feeling this incoming message with Archangel Metatron has been a sweet way for me to step into my latest crucible(s). I’m finding myself in the thick of simultaneously going in deeper with SoulFullHeart and also going in deeper to another online teaching job that is more challenging and requires more planning and presence than the one I’ve had for over 2 years now. He reminded me the other day, that even though this is taking up a lot of energy right now, that it is STILL connected to the Divine and ultimately to SoulFullHeart and my soul and heart calling too… he offers that it’s important to let in that no matter what we’re doing or being in any sort of role or job, we are still connected, somehow, to our hearts, souls and the Divine.


Even if you tried, you couldn’t separate from your Divinity and your built-in drive to ascend higher and higher.

Even though you’re working at a ‘job’ that feels unfulfilling, undesirable, you ARE connected to your heart and soul purpose and your soul IS working it all out in every moment. You can’t help but move on when it is time to. You may even opt to leave soon. No matter the choice made, you are held, you are connected, you are moving forward.

So much angst, so much anxiety, so much depression, it all comes from the walls you’ve built against feeling connected, and the walls you’ve inherited from cultural and birth family conditioning. You are NOT these walls, these strong reactions, this intense pain. You are here and now because somehow you need to be, though that can be hard to really let in and feel. You need to be here until you don’t, until you decide it’s time to move on, until your parts are ready to lean into you enough that you can lead them into something NEW.

The love that you are draws experiences you need like a magnet. It wants to experience MORE of itself, letting in MORE love flow to and from others and to and from self. It wants to hold you in and to that self-made (soul-made) promise that this would be your ultimate and highest quest, leading you to genuine service of love with others. It is inevitable… love can ONLY return to love, for the umbilical cord is always connected to that ever-unfolding life force and ultimate source of soul and heart nutrition.

At times love needs you to express it and YOU through your 3D jobs, your 3D focusses…. it is a gift to help show you how you can still inhabit this density without losing touch with your heart in the process. With enough practice, you bring in the higher frequencies of 4D and 5D and beyond, integrating them, not leaving them or separating from them, no matter how hard it all feels to let in (and understandably so!)

WE believe in you and we are here with you. We are cheering you on, we are buying tickets for the front row seat to watch how it all unfolds for you. We reach out and touch your heart in every single moment and maybe you feel it in some moments and not others. This is okay. This is still an expression of what you need. And sooner or later these moments of letting in become far more frequent, no matter what you are doing, thinking, saying or BEing!

There is much love here for you, always and in ALL WAYS.

With the deepest, widest, most profound love,

Archangel Metatron (and co.)



Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at