By Kalayna Colibri
There’s a deep fluctuation moving through… swinging from one pole to another inside. It’s a ‘mood swing’ on one level, but it’s deeper too. There are waves of change upending and creating tension, or more like evoking tension that has already been there for eons. It can feel almost crazy-making, the way these swings happen. One minute there’s a feeling of bliss, then the next there’s irritation, and maybe even rage. All feelings are alchemical. All feelings are data. All feelings give you a roadmap into you.
I’ve been feeling my own ups and downs this past week, as moving through big life changes tends to bring up a lot for me, especially around trust. I feel a deepening trust happening now. I feel how I am being asked to keep going into it all, to keep feeling it all, as even the feelings of distrust bring opportunities to feel more love…
I feel even in this moment how bringing out some anxiety and distrust in the bigger picture and ultimately the Divine helps bridge me back to my heart and soul. I feel from my heart too, how nothing is actually ever up to us. It’s up to love. That’s kind of a rough answer sometimes, isn’t it? Because… why would love want us to move through suffering of any kind? I don’t have an answer exactly… but what I’ve experienced is that even through the suffering, we are always held. Even in those dark moments where we don’t have a clue as to the WHY of anything… we are always loved… and we are always love finding its way. You, even in your suffering, are love finding its way to health again, in all ways.
In fact… sometimes we’ve needed the suffering in order to feel love again. Without having a process of feeling what isn’t love inside of you and in your life and relationships, it’s much harder to feel the deep love that the universe has for you.
So, even if you’re feeling some intense swings between this way to feel and that way to feel, there’s an opening to more love wanting to happen in your being. These edges of tension and also happiness are part of these birth contractions waiting and working to pop you out into a new you. Your sacred humanity is awakening and evolving, even with all of these feelings going on… that, I feel no doubt about. That, I trust, with my entire being. ❤️
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.