What Do You Long For?

What do you long for?

What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?

What is it that you truly want to feel coursing through your veins when you wake up in the morning?

Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?

These are the penetrative questions that rumble the status quo of our current emotional and spiritual consciousness. I am being asked those questions of myself as I feel and heal old patterns within me that have taken me to the next leg of my inner quest and leadership.

When you feel like you begin to cycle on something, you have hit a ceiling. Actually, it is more like a membrane. It is not solid in reality. It only appears that way to a part of you that holds resistance to what lies on the other side. This ‘ceiling’ is actually the floor to the next level, the next chapter, of your ever-evolving growth and remembrance.

What you come to at that moment is a precipice. In front of you is a void that has no apparent stone to step on because a part of you afraid of what happens if there is nothing there to catch you. This has been a repeated part of my journey that is seeking an end. One where vulnerability, risk, and the fear of what occurs on the other side get to create the very steps that have appeared lacking yet there all along.

This suffering ceiling is what brought me to SoulFullHeart. It is what inspired me to say no more to what clearly was not working in my life at that time. It is what is inviting me to go to my next places, next steps that send me to higher heights, along with the fears of falling. There is a moment when you have to decide when the cycles end and the real loving begins. I ask again:

What do you long for?

What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?

What is it that you truly want to feel coursing in your veins when you wake up in the morning?

Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?

The answers to those questions only come from going into your heart with curiosity, a mirror, and a guide. Wherever you find it, chose it and claim it one choice at a time. Your soul is ready as your heart may waver. That wavering is a universe of parts that have a lot to say and be held in. Feel them and you create a whole new world from the inside out. I offer my heart in service to that exploration of all that you are meant to be.


Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Current Emotional Fluctuations And Loving Them UP

By Kalayna Colibri

There’s a deep fluctuation moving through… swinging from one pole to another inside. It’s a ‘mood swing’ on one level, but it’s deeper too. There are waves of change upending and creating tension, or more like evoking tension that has already been there for eons. It can feel almost crazy-making, the way these swings happen. One minute there’s a feeling of bliss, then the next there’s irritation, and maybe even rage. All feelings are alchemical. All feelings are data. All feelings give you a roadmap into you.

I’ve been feeling my own ups and downs this past week, as moving through big life changes tends to bring up a lot for me, especially around trust. I feel a deepening trust happening now. I feel how I am being asked to keep going into it all, to keep feeling it all, as even the feelings of distrust bring opportunities to feel more love…

I feel even in this moment how bringing out some anxiety and distrust in the bigger picture and ultimately the Divine helps bridge me back to my heart and soul. I feel from my heart too, how nothing is actually ever up to us. It’s up to love. That’s kind of a rough answer sometimes, isn’t it? Because… why would love want us to move through suffering of any kind? I don’t have an answer exactly… but what I’ve experienced is that even through the suffering, we are always held. Even in those dark moments where we don’t have a clue as to the WHY of anything… we are always loved… and we are always love finding its way. You, even in your suffering, are love finding its way to health again, in all ways.

In fact… sometimes we’ve needed the suffering in order to feel love again. Without having a process of feeling what isn’t love inside of you and in your life and relationships, it’s much harder to feel the deep love that the universe has for you.

So, even if you’re feeling some intense swings between this way to feel and that way to feel, there’s an opening to more love wanting to happen in your being. These edges of tension and also happiness are part of these birth contractions waiting and working to pop you out into a new you. Your sacred humanity is awakening and evolving, even with all of these feelings going on… that, I feel no doubt about. That, I trust, with my entire being. ❤️

Much love!


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Advocate For Your Highest Timeline

What would you passionately advocate for inside yourself to manifest the timeline you want and deserve so deeply? A timeline that may feel like a fantasy to a part of you even as you exist in that reality already because you can imagine it!

It borders on a contention. A compassionate contending for something new, bold, and alive in love! If you can feel the fear, the despair, and the overwhelm then you are being shown that you possess the polar opposite. The courage, the joy, and the surrendered management. You ARE this!

Timelines are flowing in and out like like sparrows on a new spring day. SWOOP! BANG! Right into the third eye and into the emotional body. It shakes and rumbles your inner world and life gets soupy sometimes. Like walking through mud. But what if you could turn that soup into a salad? You could see the parts that make up the trudging, yes?

You could have a relationship with each one and love them the way your heart is meant to love. If they get all stanky and rotten on you, you have the power to say I love you, but do not want this anymore! I want you to be the beautiful heirloom variety your seed was made from!

There is a challenge in this holding. You are no longer melded with the soul soup but now the aware recipient and advocate of an inner emotive world that spans lifetimes and dimensions. You are the hub, the center, and the One. You are your own saviour. Your own chooser.

The suffering is no longer an option anymore. It is an echo of what has been falling away, and, really, has already fallen. The echo feels like reality but it is all a distant memory in its end times. It is like the light we see from the stars is old light. The star that it came from may already be dead. This is what the suffering is. It just takes processing, feeling, and integration into your new true you.

I feel this in myself as I write this. The old way of being and hiding is falling away. I want to advocate for my Higher Self and the parts and soul aspects that need my attention. I want to advocate for you and your parts. I compassionately contend for them within the arena of your own authority and choice, one felt, loving, challenging step at a time.

Where I go, you go. Where you go, we all go. Let us do this together in Love, for Love, with Love. Amen.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Finding Help To Enter and Exit Your Cave Of Suffering


By Raphael Awen

I believe every last one of us has a cave of deep suffering somewhere in our makeup, somewhere in our souls timeline, that plays out in our lives.

Many are working hard to avoid all contact with this cave while others know it all too well.

Some of us have done serious time in coming to terms with our caves and have found, through trial and error, a way through, and even gone on to transform the cave into a beautiful space of previously unimaginable self love and connection. If there are yet more caves to uncover, we are no longer afraid, nor too deeply surprised to encounter them if and when they arise. I feel this to be true for myself.

Our capacity to know and feel our deepest and truest joy is inextricably connected to our capacity to know and feel our deepest sorrows. It all wants to be known and felt and one cannot be separated from the other.

Finding and feeling a part of you that hates life can be quite a task when there is another above ground part of you quite invested in keeping a surface life that is expected of you intact. But for many now, it is becoming clear that this is the reason why they chose to incarnate here, to find and feel all of what exists in the furthest regions of their being, and to re-member it all to the love that they are.

What we are also realizing is that we can’t do it without help. The steps to our freedom, like the pathways that led into our pain, intertwine us in messy relationship. Until a ‘you’ can emerge that isn’t fused with the pain, and this you can recognize and go on to authorize someone or something outside of yourself to help you, there really isn’t any help to be had.

In another way, any ‘outside’ resource that you engage and authorize is coming from you as they couldn’t have any way of serving you without your authorization, regardless of their claimed expertise or desire to help you. In this way, we rightly project our higher selves onto an other that is our flow of help in the now moment to help us.

But where does ‘help’ come from and what does it look like? How would you know it when you saw it?

Truth is, you can’t really know, at least not in the way a part of you may be seeking a guarantee that the help you are attracted to isn’t in fact a path that will elucidate more of your own deeper suffering through an abusive kind of experience. If there is more suffering to encounter in your being, you can know that it was yours to encounter, and even an experience of abuse was something your higher self was not afraid to encounter and even draw to yourself as it offered you an opportunity to access and heal something that couldn’t be accessed and healed any other way.

Your soul knows that you are love, while you are out seeking to know and feel more of this love that you are.

Your soul is not afraid of the role of momentary pain or sorrow, to backlight this glorious everlasting love into being seen and felt as your daily lived in reality.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

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Beyond Redemption: The Search For Self-Forgiveness



What if we are never redeemed? What if we are already redeemed?

These are words spoken at the end of the movie Wild that I watched last night, from the book authored by Cheryl Strayed.  They were words that seemed to go into me on a soul level as I have felt redemption being a strong theme in multiple lives.  When I was in my 20s an intuitive woman had said she told me I was living a life of  “redemptive suffering”. It all just made so much sense.  I could turn anything into a suffering loop.  A way to keep me from fully inhabiting the joys of life as if they were not permitted for me to have as much as I longed for them.

Through the process of accessing other Metasoul lives, I have been able to piece together a tapestry of lives seemed to revolve around this theme.  Choices that led to experiences that caused pain to others and taking that on as a personal cross to bear.  Then returning that pain upon myself in order to be redeemed in the eyes of a God that would accept me when the suffering was acceptable enough.  All the while not understanding the God I was asking for forgiveness from was ultimately me.

This idea of redemption and persecution is one that spans so many lives and souls.  It is one that can be a core wound for many.  The root of many of our personal unconscious choices.  A plot arch for many of our current soul playouts.  When we begin to become conscious of our Metasoul wounding do we begin to gain an understanding of who we are and what we would rather choose to be.  That we no longer have to unconsciously fuse to this karmic cycle.  We can connect to a larger story that is infinite in its possibilities.  But first we must feel the tug of the wound from these soul siblings and help to heal them into the largess of our own hearts.

As we start to feel these lives and access the gift they are presenting to us we can begin to see ourselves in a much different light.  We become more Light in fact.  We start to let go of the heavy emotional ties to those lives and hold them with the love of forgiveness they haven’t been able to give themselves.  The redemption was already bought and paid for. We were never “wrong”.  We were, or ARE, a part of a huge experiential learning ground where we lost track of that.  Got lost in the wild so we could find ourselves again with a new and larger vision of what we forgot we were.  The redemption aspects of us have been looking for already exist inside of us.

This may be a big part as to why some continue to stay in life situations that are not fully serving their greatest good.  This unconscious need to be less than in order to cash in on our soul IOUs.  It is becoming time to let go of that old story.  To go into the wilderness of our “history” and forgive ourselves for what has been serving fear and heal it into service of love.  For ourselves and others.  You have access to all of it inside that creative arena called your imagination.  It just needs to be negotiated with the part of you that guards this access.

Through this process a new world will open up to connect the dots you may currently may be unaware of.  The stories and timelines that have yet to be let go.  From there you can begin to unfurl the true gift of your inner Joy that is waiting to be remembered back into your heart and soul, remember where it was you actually came from, and what your true purpose is here on this glorious New Earth.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.


To The Part Of YOU Who Suffers: From Your Higher/Sacred Human Self

By Jelelle Awen


I see your suffering. I see how it makes the colors of life seem stripped down to black and white tones. I see the world you live in of bare trees and empty lands and deep valleys. I see your dark night and the rains coming down.

I feel how your suffering weighs at you, anchors you with a near constant ebb of bleakness and despair. I feel how THIS pain is what you have known most of your life and so it is familiar, comforting even. I feel how it is what you have become, even though it is not what you actually ARE.

I see and I feel your suffering and I understand the reasons and whys for it. I understand how our soul has passed down experiences from other lifetimes, from our soul legacy group/Metasoul, the experiences that have come to define you in this way.

I want to offer you a NEW sense of life beyond the suffering and beyond what you have known of it. A life that looks like techno-color landscapes, rich and lush and nourishing. A life that looks like open and bright vistas of sunny possibilities. A life that looks like clear emotional forecasts for days and days.

I want to offer you a NEW feeling of life where there is more LOVE than there is pain, where love can hold the space for the pain and help it move. I feel how your energy could be freed up if you were putting it into joy, into creativity, into soul purpose, into sacred union, into service of love.

I want to offer you a life WITH me there to guide you, to be with you, and to feel you. A life where you don’t have to be alone in your pain but in the company of my steady heart presence where it can FINALLY be released. A life where we can come together more and more, eventually toward integration, in a reality where your suffering becomes replaced by love more and more!


This energy from YOU to the part of you that suffers, this invitation for this part of you to heal and release and lean into you can create a very new reality INside as more separation from BECOMING the pain happens. This creates metaspace inside of you from your suffering as you see and feel how it is ONLY part of you that holds it, not that YOU ARE it. Rather than trying to resist the suffering or numbing it with very many things, you can embrace it, yet still be objective from it.

In my life, this tone of suffering manifested as depression and a sense of underlying despair about life. Connecting directly with the part of me that held this energy (and there were more than one actually over the years!), I could feel the roots of it from childhood, from when I was a teenager, and as an adult living in 3D reality. And I felt how it connected to soul frequencies at an existential level. I have not experienced this sense of depression for many years now as the energy that held it has transmuted and integrated into mostly creative expression to serve love (which is often at the root of the depression, hence the ‘suicidal’ artist).

This is a magical method for self healing! We explore this ground in SoulFullHeart sessions if you are drawn to learn more and experience it for yourself and the awakening, clarities, transformation and REAL LIFE changes that come as a result of this process: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions. Here is more about parts work process: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts


Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book,Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.