by Kalayna Colibri
I once decided to have a dialogue with “Love” itself about a year ago now. You can read this dialogue here. I felt to hold another dialogue with Love now, in the moment. Love is a fun energy to have a relationship with even as we just ARE it too. With this dialogue, I feel Love itself inviting you into dialogue too… it always has much to illuminate and offer us, directly, romantically, challengingly, yet always lovingly somehow as we continue to let it in deeper through personal process and really feel the rumbles and yet comfort it offers too. ❤
Kalayna: Hi Love…
Love: Hi Kalayna! Been rumbling with me a bit today, I can feel that.
K: Yes, Love, I have. Well, part of me has. A part of me that I need to keep feeling for a while as she heals.
❤ : What did that rumbling feel like in the moment you felt her (this part of you)?
K: I felt a strong urge to put the pain outside of me, to lash out, to pretend that the reactions coming up inside of me were someone else’s doing and not showing me something about ME… or in this case, showing this part TO me.
❤ : Yes, I felt this rumble inside of you. It has taken a while, but you’re getting to know this signal to go IN even if ‘lashing out’ would somehow off-gas the energy though not heal it…
K: Yes, this is something I’m starting to really recognize in the moment it happens. It feels like a desire to contend but I’ve learned now that this is often about a part avoiding leaning into me and instead flooding my space with its reaction, instead of asking for me to be with it and help it.
❤ : Can you feel anything else about this that you may want to share with others as they also grow emotionally and feel me rumble their inner worlds?
K: Well, this is where I get confused sometimes and maybe this part I’ve been feeling feels this confusion too. There IS a time for conflict and contention, no? I mean I’ve witnessed it and been a part of it too. I’ve felt the deeper feelings that can come of the mess, as the smoke clears and the mirror is offered by the whole situation, that really just lands you back into YOU again. I just wonder if there’s a difference between the contention part of me was looking for today in the moment (that I didn’t let her go to, just brought her back inward), and the contention that offers a mess but gifts too… can you offer me anything about this, Love?
❤ : ….sometimes these questions are better answered by experience and experimenting than by mental answers, as you know, loved one. What does your heart feel about this?
K: I feel as if I’m still living into the answer. That sometimes mess is just how we need to learn, and yet mess doesn’t need to happen in the same way always either, giving us chaos to find our way somehow ON TOP of the reactions that can’t always get resolved this way. It feels like the answer is usually about checking inward first, at least for me right now, to see if the conflict is based in a healthy advocacy for self and desires or if maybe it’s a contention a part is having with ME or with another part, actually! Contending with a mate because you or part of you feels mistreated can actually be a chance to see each other more and deepen the bond, unless at this point the bond is completing… but if the conflict is really just from me to me, it could be projecting something outward that means I really need to inward to resolve it instead. In any case though, it’s still about YOU, Love, wanting to move something… wanting to come into each person and relationship more and more.
❤ : Yes, I am ALWAYS trying to help bring something to light that needs to heal and move! So advocating for desires and needs that aren’t being met is where the contention comes from in this example, yes? This is what you are feeling, loved one?
K: Yes, Love, something like that… and we can’t really know until we’re in it if it’s a part advocating or if it’s our purest hearts. This is humbling, actually, as it could still be coming from a wound even if we feel quite righteous in the moment. I think maybe sometimes the contention can be both from a part of us who is wounded and still needs US as well as from our purest center of feeling YOU, Love! Ah, this is so not something just anyone can really feel, is it?
❤ : Not without really being willing to look at themselves, no! Also, this is what becomes illuminated in relationship ONLY, it seems, as relationships are meant to push buttons and oh how I LOVE to push buttons when needed! ❤
K: HA! Yes, yes you do. And even though parts of me may resent that a bit at times, in the end they are given the gift of still feeling you Love…
❤ : …now that there is more of me inside of YOU, Kalayna, and you can hold this mirror up for them! I love to love you and your parts. It doesn’t matter to me if you are messy messy before finding me and letting me in again. You have your own flow of me that is moving you onward and inward to more and more healing, and, YES, MORE love!
K: Thank you for everything, Love…. I know I wouldn’t be me without you, because you ARE me and I AM you… and you ARE what connects me with whoever is reading this and whoever I have the opportunity to BE with in any and every moment. I LOVE you, Love! And serving you is fun too!
❤ : And it will become FUNNER! I LOVE you too, of course, Kalayna. I am looking forward to more unfoldings and flowings with you, within you, to you and from you. ❤
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.