Category: Ascension

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Incoming Energies Highlight Shift From Wounded Masculine Awareness To Sacred Masculine Consciousness

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

It’s the release of our weekly museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week!

SoulFullHeart Teacher and Facilitator Jelelle Awen continues to share near daily writings about the Ascension energies coming in this mid-March period into the Equinox passage and beyond through SOULar activities such as flares, storms, and winds. These energies may be continuing to impact you related to the embodiment of your Service Of Love Self and manifestation of your Highest timeline. This can be experienced through activations of your Ascension Chakra Vortexes, emotional clearings of ‘mess’ in the emotional body and Metasoul, physical body reactions, and more. Yet it is all offering a clearing to bring in the New. Jelelle offers a guided meditation video to help you with the integration of these energies through activation of your Ascension Chakra Vortexes.

As SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Colibri states in the featured writing, “These waves of March energies coming through are largely from the Sun, which I so feel holds much Divine/Sacred Masculine love and pulses through the world and through us the codes of awakening into the Sacred more and more. Because of the more masculine energy of these waves, they are activating, penetrating, and really pressing on the parts of us that still need to be felt and healed. They are a poultice in this way, bringing out more and more of the wounds in the collective and in the self too and of course one is a reflection of the other in immense ways.”

We share our uniquely individual yet collective voice representing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life through many beautiful digestions in writing and video this week from all the SoulFullHeart Facilitators, including Gabriel Heartman, and a new blog series from Raphael Awen introducing subtle energy to beginners. He also shares two more entries in his ongoing journey to connect with the Demiurge or ‘false God’ of religions.

Many of these writings have been turned into audio blogs for you to either listen to or read along with our voices. We also offer podcasts of our audio blogs, livestreams, group calls and teachings for you to take in wherever you are! Available on SoundCloud or iTunes under SoulFullHeart Experience.

We share about some events we have coming up to bring in frequencies of Unity Consciousness and more support for you to navigate the current energies. Join us for two free Unity Meditation calls on April 4th and April 14th. We share in this museletter the recording of the powerful Unity Meditation call teachings and guided meditation that we did on Wednesday, March 21st for you to listen to and take in.

Jelelle is offering private, one on one 90 minute sessions with her over zoom to bridge to your awakening process, locate where you are, and your highest timeline manifestation. More information here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

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March Energies Update: Rising Bliss Mess Experience Of Your Service Of Love Self

Published on by Jelelle Awen2 Comments
By Jelelle Awen
Awake since 2:00am with an alertness yet ease too. Feels as if SOULar activities are picking up again with more waves and winds coming in. Surrendering to the alertness and the change in sleep patterns and habits is a reminder that time is not actually linear and the now is asking for our presence.

All this last week I have experienced this feeling of arriving at a consistent transmission experience of being and serving love. In this place, life has rich meaning in the moment; connection with others is based in a deep trust and mutual exchange. There is no longer anxiety or self consciousness. There is not worry about the future or ruminating on the past. There is connection to the highest timeline becoming, yet that is feeling more and more inevitable. Even if I am serving as a temp bridge and mirror of someone’s higher self in the body, there is a sense of deeply seeing their bigness that is just needing more love to manifest.

Miracles fueled by Love have been happening in all my sessions and group offerings too. I feel grateful to the souls that have connected with us/me recently, asked such great questions, shared their stories, turned inward with courage. I feel so grateful to the parts connection process for this feeling sense…..it really is an amazing bridge to create true wholeness from within that can then overflow to others.

I am feeling the energies at a HIGH. To illuminate and amplify whatever is the dominant reality for you and parts of you right now that you most need to see and experience. It may be a sense of heightened pain even or struggle in order to feel the “no more” sense of it. It may be a feeling of void as you move more out of 4D death and rebirth and into upper 4d and 5D bliss and goodness. It may be the trailing edges of emotional or karmic pain that want and need your attention. It may be mess. It may be bliss.

There is so much support for the rising experience of your service of Love self….firstly and primarily to and with yourself and all the beloved aspects that need you. These ongoing love light energies show you how it feels to BEcome service of love in your unique sacred human expression of it. They also show you whatever is stuck in fear and push away and being resisted by other parts of you.

Embrace whatever comes up to be felt. You cannot do it wrong as you lead with love. You are SO loved and the reunions Of self and soul and family are going to happen more and more to deepen your rememberance of this. The time of suffering over suffering can be complete with an embodied bliss truly possible! As you are willing to go through, so you can truly come OUT into a genuine and pure experience of yourself as the embodiment of love!

New Earth is Now……MUCH Love to and with you!

~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

 

Activation Of Your Ascension Chakra Vortexes Guided Meditation W/Raphael and Jelelle Awen (Video)

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

Our Unity Meditation call on Wednesday was our largest one yet with 40+ souls signed up and 26 joining in on the energy exchange in the moment. It was palpable to me, this coming together in intention and connection to tap into the Equinox frequencies and New Earth…even with those souls who choose not to share that day or could only join us for a little while. I feel it amplified the energies that were available through Raphael Awen and I during the guided meditation. People shared a sense of high energy, being energized…..or, they fell into a peaceful sleep that lasted the whole time! I always trust these things as what can be let in at whatever levels of consciousness is….and through the filter/lens of the Protector self.

The results and experience of this unity meditation call inspired us to offer them about every ten days or coordinating to any major cosmic events, portal openings, Equinoxes/Solstices, etc. We will try to have different days/times to catch those in Australia, etc. and also serve those in Europe. We have scheduled two more for April….one on Wednesday, April 4th at 4:00pm CDT (4/4/4) and another on Saturday, April 14th at 11:11am CDT. These will remain free to join in, yet we always welcome donations too as we save up to make our relocation to the Glastonbury, England area this year. Here is more information about these events and you can register for both through eventbrite.

Above is the recording of the guided meditation that Raphael and I led during the Unity Meditation Call. We have put music to it….a piece that I’ve been listening to pretty much constantly the last few days! Here is the music if you want to just take it in: https://youtu.be/B0tsUQaqsWc

And here is the recording of the teachings and the meditation (without music) that we did during the Unity Meditation Call: https://youtu.be/d8XsXAtse0Y

Hope you’ll join us for one of the Unity Meditation Calls coming up to experience some New Earth Now goodies!

~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

 

Practical Ascension: 7 Key Areas Of Life– Mental Area- Personal Process

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

In this second video on the mental area of life, SoulFullHeart Teachers, Facilitators and Sacred Union mates, Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna Colibri, offer their unique perspective that is based on their own personal processes in this area. The mental area can play out differently for men and women, yet similar in many ways too. Gabriel and Kalayna’s sharings help to illuminate what it can look and feel like on both sides of the coin of gender expression, including the process of working with the Inner Masculine in women, which can typically be quite mental and intellectual and at times very controlling and/or punishing, yet becomes so beloved (and eventually, ascended) just the same!

Parts of us all have different attachments to different areas of life. This area, in particular, is one that tends to have a lot of charge as there is so much emphasis placed on it in our schools and general upbringings. Parts of us have responded to this conditioning, often with a fierce attachment to intelligence, kNOwingness, kNOwledge, and tend to be uncomfortable with unknowns, trusting intuition, trusting their arising emotional reality and that of other parts, etc. Ascending from this 3D-conditioned focus on mental capacity and training into 4D and higher, can through parts of you into a tailspin, where they may actually start grabbing for knowledge of spiritual topics to help “explain” what they are going through in this phase of Ascension. So much begins to happen, especially as you awaken into lower 4D consciousness, that cannot be tracked by the mind and therefore, much emotional reaction can come up in response to it all.

Ascending into 5D consciousness, as Gabriel and Kalayna share, means entering into more “loose mind” or Kundalini-based experiences, where the mind’s conditioning is loosened, allowing your experience of life to arise into each moment. This is what is possible as the parts who are overly-attached to the mind are felt in their reasons for that and they begin to rest.

This video is a digestion of Gabriel and Kalayna’s personal experiences of Ascension in this area through feeling and being with parts of them and Metasoul Aspects too. May it be a beacon and a bridge for you and your own inner process, offering some journey markers and a way to feel something beyond the mind – which really is a key part of the Ascension process, anyways!

If you have any questions or comments, you can leave them in the comment thread here on Youtube or find us on Facebook (just look for Kalayna Colibri and/or Gabriel Heartman and/or SoulFullHeart Way Of Life!). You can also email soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through PayPal: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

 

More links you may wish to visit for more information on Kalayna, Gabriel and SoulFullHeart:

Blog site:  https://soulfullheartblog.com/
Website:  http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/

Gabriel’s bio: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com…
Kalayna’s bio>http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com…

An Island Unto Yourself: The Loneliness Of 4D Awakening And Ascension

Published on by Gabriel Heartman4 Comments

Ascension and awakening can be a lonely process. Even when surrounded by others there may be a feeling that you are not really there. Not totally present to what is really being said or to the minutia of the day. It can feel like you are in another person’s body, in someone else’s life. All that made sense at one point fails to make much sense anymore. New information, new feelings, new awarenesses are arising. They are coming to the surface by drip or by flood. Though they are not really new….you are just beginning to remember the nature of your BEing.

As you have walked through our conditioned world, the one you subscribed to either fully or partially, you created a world of relationship that matched that conditioning. But as this arising awareness has begun to fill your days there is this visceral chasm that begins to be felt between you and those around you. You may feel like an island unto yourself. This is where you feel the self, or part, that was created to exist in that past environment. Like a special suit that is needed to walk on a distant planet.

This can be hard on the YOU that is in that suit, looking behind those eyes. Feeling behind those words. A tiredness may be coming through. An awareness that you feel like a there is a charade going on. Or you keep bringing your truth only to find it falling short of resonance or curiosity. There is a part of you that may be okay with being introverted. Okay with just being alone. That may be better than all the acting. All the interfacing in a rear view mirror.

It important to feel that this YOU is not alone. There are many that are in similar circumstances and situations. The words may be different but the story is the same. There is a world of resonance INside of you when you find the time and desire to explore. There are a family and community of parts of you awaiting your Higher Heart to come and take them home there. An abundance of resonance that lies in the stars and in the heavens.

There is also family and community HERE. On Gaia. In your frequency. In the State of Authenticity that wants to connect and feel with you. Soul brethren and tribe. While it may be necessary to be alone, with the loneliness, to feel the depths and gifts of it, you are also in need of being seen. Being revered. Being heard. Being challenged to become more and more that which you can feel coursing through your veins. You are never alone in many ways and it can be a hard one for a part of you to truly let in and trust. That is the ground to go into what protects you from diving deeper into that pain and coming out the other side with new vision and new conditions.

This is a reminder from all the guides, ancestors, animal spirits, light beings, and angels that surround us at any given moment. It is also a reminder from one human heart to yours. The journey of awakening is the journey of connecting…one part, one heart, one soul at a time.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

March Energies Update: EQUInox Offering Unity Consciousness, Sacred Union Within

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment
By Jelelle Awen

Unity Consciousness…so many infuses and downloads, activations, of THIS frequency in the last months and in the last WEEK especially. So much offering of this during this EQUInox passage too, providing the template/picture of balanced masculine and feminine within as expressed on the emotional body level, the physical body level, the chakra level. The experience of sacred union within can be the most embodied form of Unity Consciousness and is so critical to experiencing Unity Consciousness with others.

We have as a Metasoul more experience of Unity Consciousness than separation consciousness. Separation is the experiment; it has been the ‘new’ thing we’ve been trying on. There are gifts to separation that emerge as the polarized frequencies of duality heal inside of us. ‘Conscious duality’ is how I have come to feel it and describe it. I’ve felt many Star BEing/Higher Dimensional Metasoul aspects intrigued and drawn to the ‘separate minds’ reality, as they call it.

Yet, where the pain and suffering comes in is from the separation INside….from one part of you to another with polarized, fear-based, self punishing energies going on. These inner battles are all about being separate as the ONLY reality and the complete fusion to it for parts of you that have HAD to buy that to survive in 3D reality. The wounded masculine Protector and Punisher parts have been so guarded at times, so critical at times, so lacking in trust at times, so unable to breathe and just let GO. The wounded feminine is mostly a mystery, hidden away and protected by the masculine….smothered by ‘ideas’ and ‘conditions’ around what it means to be feminine that are actually MORE masculine in frequency. More about parts and Metasoul Aspects here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

Bringing Unity consciousness into your inner world is the healing of these rifts inside. To calm and provide love balm to the heightened polarities and extremes. To become your own Love Ambassador. Your own inner marriage counselor. To support the transformation with love of your inner masculine into its healthy expressions of activation, leadership, guidance, and penetration. To allow for the arising with love of your healthy feminine expressions of stillness, intuitive wisdom, collaboration, and responsivity. These energies can then come into dance with each other, falling in love with each other, and merging together too in a naturally arising way when needed.

This inner balance then flows to ALL relationships in your life and especially in your romantic ones. It brings the mirror of this balanced, Unity Consciousness frequency that you have cultivated within to then experience it and see it during a sacred union bond. Unbalanced and polarized relationships are always a reflection of YOUR inner reality, even as it can be so tempting to just focus on the other, the outside, and the partner rather than on the self.

These EQUInox energies are offering a mirror to FEEL where the divides and chasms are from within and where they are sourced from, rooted in, and anchored to. This so often connects back to the templating and conditioning experienced with your parents and other caregivers. To go there again with open heart to discover what parts of you are feeling and holding around these traumatic scenes (that are not in past, yet still vibrate strongly in the Now) brings so many riches! You transform these energies that are stuck in fear…..with love into love.

New Earth Now is the experience of Unity Consciousness from within and increasingly with others too. New Earth allows for the celebration of unique individuality while inviting us to unify in resonant frequencies of love with each other too!

~

This inner exploration process to experience Unity Consciousness within and with others is what we support through our SoulFullHeart process offered through a bridging session with me, facilitation programs offering group sessions and individual sessions, events such as our Unity Meditation on March 22nd that you can read more here: https://www.facebook.com/events/455929834824560/.
Please go here to read ALL of my energy updates about the March energies that I’ve shared in the last week, plus two videos offering an energy update and a guided meditation to integrate and activate these amazing energies! https://soulfullheartblog.com/category/by-jelelle-awen/energy-updates-with-jelelle-awen/

~
This inner exploration process to experience Unity Consciousness within and with others is what we support through our SoulFullHeart process offered through a bridging session with me, facilitation programs offering group sessions and individual sessions, events such as our Unity Meditation on March 22nd that you can read more here: https://www.facebook.com/events/455929834824560/.
Please go here to read ALL of my energy updates about the March energies that I’ve shared in the last week, plus two videos offering an energy update and a guided meditation to integrate and activate these amazing energies! https://soulfullheartblog.com/category/by-jelelle-awen/energy-updates-with-jelelle-awen/
~
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Activate Your Personal Sun, Higher Heart And Gaia Ascension Chakras Guided Meditation (Video)

Published on by Jelelle Awen3 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

 

So excited to share this one! This is a guided meditation that I recorded two days ago during these intense ascension energies to help you to bridge to them, activate, ground, and integrate. I got much clearer during this meditation about what I am calling the ascension chakra vortexes that are forming to seemingly replace as an upgrade the previous seven chakra system. Raphael Awen, Kalayna Colibri, and Gabriel Heartman were in the room with me during the meditation and share their experiences afterwards too! I hope you INjoy it and it supports you to navigate and let in your Sacred Human Self that is coming in!

Join us THIS Wednesday for a free Unity Meditation call that will offer similar frequency activations and transmissions of love and integration of your Sacred Humanity along with Unity Consciousness. More information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/455929834824560/

Here is the description of this video:

Jelelle Awen guides you in a meditation to bring in and connect to the current STRONG ascension energies of March 2018. You may fall asleep, feel emotional, feel quite activated or kundalini energy moving through. Jelelle introduces you and connects you to what she feels are the chakra Sacred Human vortexes that are forming in response to the Ascension process, to replace the previous outdated 3D/4D seven chakra system. You connect with your Personal Sun Chakra, about two feet above your head. This chakra is part of the ‘Sun Chakra Vortex’ that includes the merging of the Personal Sun Chakra, Soul Chakra (about one foot above your head), Causal Chakra (behind your head), and Crown Chakra. This chakra vortex provides inspiration, higher timeline possibilities, and Sacred Masculine Activations. Jelelle also shows you some hand positions and even yoga poses to connect with these chakra vortexes.

You connect next with the Higher Heart Chakra Vortex that includes the Crown Chakra, Third Eye, Fifth/throat Chakra, Fourth/Heart Chakra and Third Chakra (that moves from personal will to service of love based). This is a big piece of Ascension and in the energies that are being offered right now from the Divine. You connect your Personal Sun to your Higher Heart to activate your Galactic and Unity Consciousness Heart.

You then connect to your Gaia Chakra Vortex that includes your Third Chakra, Second Chakra, Root Chakra, and Earth Chakra (about one foot below your physical feet). You feel the grounding cord that connects you to Mother Gaia’s energies in all moments. This chakra vortex allows for the grounding of Divine Feminine energies into your ‘lower’ chakras that usually so need them.

As you connect your Personal Sun to your Higher Heart to your Gaia chakra vortexes, you can then feel your 5D Sacred Human template becoming activated and pulsating with love. This is an overlay and template that more and more becomes YOU as you embody your humanity and integrate and ground the ascension energies into your body.

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Subtle Energy for Beginners ~ Day One

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

Ever felt left out of the picture when it comes to experiencing something beyond your five physical senses? I know I have. I could tell the people around me were experiencing something, and yet I couldn’t feel, track or transmit it like they could.

It was maddening. I didn’t doubt it was real; I just couldn’t feel it like I so desperately wanted to.

This ongoing series of blog posts is a love letter to that part of me who was stuck in a perception of being excluded, of being less-than somehow.

My truth today is that we are all energy workers. We are all energy healers. We can all channel. We can all receive and transmit energy. We can all be clairvoyant, clairaudient and clairsentient. We are actually doing these things all the time, but many of us just don’t realize it. In this series, we’re looking to REAL-ize this reality; for you; for the part of you who doesn’t get it; and for those around you.

We’re going to pause on looking to the ‘experts’ for fear of falling prey to the expert mentality; that you need an outside bigger-than-you source. I’m not an expert and don’t ever wish to be one. I’m a beginner and hope to remain that way. I am willing to share with you what I’ve learned thus far, that I think you will find quite profound, but that doesn’t make me an expert. It makes me someone you have authorized to reflect your Higher Self reality so that you can integrate it into your everyday experience. Did you catch that? The authorization comes from you, not me. You are the authority here. Experts don’t like you to know that as it often undermines their need to keep you small and dependent on them. I want you to be big, and I want to be big along with you. In fact, I need to share what I have, and I need to find those interested in what I have to share, in order to keep on growing into my own infinite bigness.

I’ll take that over expertise any day.

We’re going to find that the world of subtle energy isn’t nearly as far removed from us as we’ve been led to believe by our conditioning. It’s all around us in this very moment. We think we lack the ability to tune it, or track it, or transmit it, when what is far more accurate, is that the real lack is not so much in the ability, as it is in the willingness. That’s good news, because willingness is something much more accessible and immediate than ability. Ability admittedly has to do with practice and learning, but what precedes ability is a willingness to try. I think you will be amazed at what meets you as you step out into the captivating world of a genuine childlike willingness to try.

I’ll explore that point more as we go, but suffice it to say for now, that it is how you begin a thing that determines how you finish a thing. We’re beginning with beginner’s mind; the world of not-knowing, where even what we think we already know can be redeemed into the world of utter awe and wonder. From there, we can sail magically deeper and deeper into the unknown. I do suspect however, that while we will grow immensely, we will never reach any coveted certified place of expertise as each new level of discovery and experience causes us to feel an increased sense of NOT how much we know, but instead how much we don’t know.

If you are beginning with a pain of how much you don’t know; how much you don’t experience; how much you long to know and experience something deeper in your everyday waking reality, then you are at the true precipice of creation. You are filling your gas tank for the journey ahead. You won’t get anywhere on an empty tank. The gas is made up of the admission of your desire and your frustration, both of which are sacred, and allowing that to create momentum inside of yourself.

There’ll be resistances to feel and parts of yourself to negotiate with as they fear your departure from consensus reality, and all that could entail in your current relationships with people and life as you’ve known it. This is another good thing. You won’t need to railroad any part of you into some spiritual discipline that turns you into a freak show at the expense of the part of you who likes what it likes in your current life. You can feel and negotiate each change as it unfolds to make room for deeper energetic and emotional experience of a profoundly changing and magical journey into changing the unknown into the known and cycling ever deeper into the unknown.

You get to feel it all as you go. You get to embody and reclaim all of your unique sacred humanity as you go.

Join me for this ongoing series and share with others in the room what you are feeling and experiencing. Let’s take the quest of our deepest questions into the space with the heart and mind of a curious child. Let’s forget what we think we know long enough at least to open our hearts and minds to deeper layers of reality, and then deeper layers yet, beyond those newly discovered layers.

For today’s beginning, let’s remember that there is no greater true expertise than being in and at the beginning. Life and energy is always beginning again, moving and taking us somewhere we haven’t yet been. If we claim any expertise, let it be about knowing how to surrender to not-knowing in our quest to know.

Beginners only need apply. No experience necessary.

Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

March 21 is our Unity Meditation Group Call – details here: Free March Equinox New Earth Activations Unity Meditation Call
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 4 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen Day 4

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 4 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Raphael: Top of the morning crew! Beautiful Motley Crew! It’s 4:44 am on December 24, and I’m feeling good to go again, running on some new high octane adrenaline. How is everyone else doing?, who wants to check in?

Rhodes: Hello Everyone. This is Rhodes. I’m liking the recap yesterday, Raphael, that you started in on of your earliest journey into the whole God awareness thing, which was also my earliest journey this life of awakening. I’m hoping you’ll continue on those stories. I know I was there for all of that, but there is a way, I never felt any of that then. I just was that. What I’m feeling now is the comparison of one on hand, the backdrop of our desires to go to new and expanded places of consciousness that we can’t even quite name or fathom yet, though it’s fun to try for sure, compared with this tension of feeling the past, and overlaying it onto the future, side by side in the Now, and somehow that opens a portal, an entry portal. And until we feel the so called past, then we aren’t done with it. The whole point of the past was the feeling of it, so if we haven’t felt it, we’re not done with it, or it isn’t done with us, and is very much in the Now. That’s what I’m feeling.

Merlin: Rhodes, you’ve been totally holding out on us. That is some really cool shit. The drama of our stories are a storehouse of magic that we’ve collectively been afraid of up till now. The magic contained in our stories gets activated the more we are willing to feel it, but most fear the unknown of their own magic and where it wants to take them. I’m dying to have some fun, and this challenge before us of attempting to connect with the Demiurge feels as exciting as it gets. I do get the need to feel the past, to dial it into the present, to let the past time-travel into the Now, where there is a curious heart for it to land in that wasn’t there before. Hell, take me for instance, I didn’t even know I existed up until recently, till Raphael was willing to realize my reality, bridge me into his dimension, so I could feel my own dimension and then bridge between the two.

Raphael: My goodness, I have to like pause for minutes after one of you speaks to let in the bandwidth of the frequencies you are vibrating at, and even then, I’m hesitant to break the spell. How cool that is! It adds to the adrenaline I’ve been on the past few days adjusting to these new frequencies, since all this started and it is really exciting. Metatron, I have to ask your input before I go back to my journey…

Metatron: I’m luvin’ it. I’m loving the feeling and healing space here. I know all of us have questions about how we are going to gain audience with the Demiurge, and then wondering what his demeanor towards us will be, if and when we do gain audience, and I’m feeling in all of that, a ‘not-knowing our way to knowing’. It’s so freeing to admit our cluelessness and just want what we want. I’ve learned that from watching you actually, Raphael, over and over again, and I never get tired of the lesson. It always comes out in the wash.

Raphael: Morning love fest! Thank you. I’ll take that, with room for more. Yumm.

I’m feeling to ask if there’s any trepidation in the room about us talking so freely about the Demiurge. I mean yesterday, who was it, Jim, right, went off about the Bible being horseshit, and then it went a bit downhill from there…even got Merlin swearing…

Rhodes: I’ll take the bait on that one if I may again. I’m still taking in and remembering what you said Metatron from day one that everything, and everyone, and every last stitch of consciousness, gets its lease from love to have existence. That I feel includes the Demiurge, though it’s taken me a while to get there. If that’s true, that even he’s made of love, then he’s just what we see as a strange pretzeled version of love somehow, that we haven’t figured out yet. I’ll bet, we look kind of strange to him too for that matter, so if he needs to make jokes about us, to himself and his cohorts, like we are about him, then I say that’s all good. I just don’t feel like he’s some big boogeyman that has the power to cave the roof in on our heads for talking freely.

Okay, that was a bit spacious, because not all of me is liking him by any means. He’s fucked over humanity for a long time and that shit needs to stop. Sorry, I just can’t use pretty language to talk about the pain. I still feel a lot of anger for sure about the journey it’s taken to come to this place of a bit of space around my anger.

Raphael: Wow, Rhodes, you nailed a bunch right there. That answered the tension really well, and opens it out too. Thank you.

So, with that then, I think I’ll pick up for a bit from where I left off. This story telling to an interested and curious audience, in all of your ears and in the ears of the Demiurge itself, is moving something in me.

Let’s see, where was I before Jim took over yesterday with his Holy Horseshit Bible comparisons?

Merlin: You were leaving the family church for the chandelier swinging one.

Raphael: Yes, thank you. So I get myself settled into this new church and Bible School, riding my bicycle across town each morning. About 6 or 7 Months later, one bright soul and beautiful woman in the church (whom I’ll call Mar-yam as that name seems to fit her soul) and I get together over some volunteer mission efforts doing graphics in the church office and we hit the ground running. I’m a bit surprised, but it so answers a palpable loneliness that a part of me was consciously wrestling with. Our first date feels great over some higher end pizza. We talk openly and get ourselves squared away on the no-sex thing, even to the point of theorizing together that kissing is a form of sex and that its rightful ‘god ordained’ place is in the context of engagement, as in engaged to be married. I admit, I came up with that one.

So, what we dredged up was that dating is the rightful context for the spirit to come together; engagement is the place for the souls to come together; and marriage is the place for the bodies to come together. We took the whole ‘no sex before marriage’ thing to way overblown proportions that no one was pushing on us. Looking back, it’s so apparent that the one place the parts of us were resonating around was a big discomfort in our sexuality, again, pawning it off as ‘dedication to God’ for safekeeping.

I mentioned yesterday the earlier 11 month relationship from my previous church setting where the bliss so suddenly ended, that was a year or so prior to this one now emerging with Mar-yam. I see now that the undigested pain of not being able to grieve the loss of that earlier bliss, made a part of me feel I had disappointed or displeased God somehow. Her name was Cheryl, and Cheryl and I had kissed like there was no tomorrow, and we must have gotten outside of ‘Gods Order’ somehow, or it wouldn’t have ended so painfully. I so wanted this new relationship to have God’s blessing, as part of me felt there was no room to go through another loss on this level, ever. No room for any more trial and error. Why suffer in error when you can have God’s truth instead?

We had each of our wired-up woundings resonating like two tuning forks that so played into each others dynamics, but also our leading edge desires and dreams were also resonating for sure. An easy closeness and trust unfolded inside of these extra-safe self-imposed boundaries we charted out together. Maryam confided her pain early on around intense sexual abuse by her dad, and a wandering into some sexual promiscuity as a result that preceded her reach out to God.

We shared a big excitement to make our lives ‘really count for God’. Maryam had also recently abandoned an attempt at joining a catholic convent in line with her families church background, and so we both felt excited about being in this new, very different, cutting edge church and bible school that was so set to really go places and achieve big things for God. Maryam was also the church secretary and led aspects of the church services and was a personal friend of the Pastors to boot. We wanted more than anything to serve as teachers and leaders in an adventurous foreign missionary kind of setting, with our new church’s brand of excitement and passion.  ‘Please, God, anything but aimless western living and its values and boredom’.

I’ve since been able to feel several parts of me, and parts of my Metasoul too, who were activated at this time in my life with all the new beginnings. Part of me privately fancied itself more than anything being a great preacher, able to cast spells, of the godly variety, over audiences. I had also completely abandoned before entering bible school, a tech school trajectory where I was fixing to get a technicians certificate for drafting or surveying, to upgrade the kind of work I was doing. God, and the world didn’t need another draftsman. It needed a preacher with the truth! My employer must have agreed, because when things slowed down slightly, I was let go shortly after being talked to for distributing religious ‘tracts’ in the office.

With all those juices flowing right along between Maryam and I, along with the ‘no kissing while dating’ rule, it was only a month before we kissed, and so we both agreed that we were now engaged. We crossed over the line we set for ourselves. She was 24, and I was 21, and we were married after a 5 month engagement with lots of sanctioned kissing. It was a long road to my inner teenager finally getting laid, and to ‘giving my virginity to God’, and to my wife, but it felt great, it felt so right, and with God’s guarantee and blessing to boot! We never looked back, for a long time, until we did, some 20 years later.

Wow…

Metatron: What are you feeling, Raphael?

Raphael: yeah…. feel and heal, feel and heal…

Metatron: I’m just vibing again what I learned from you…

Raphael: Thank you Metatron, time to digest a bit here isn’t it?

As I’m sharing this story, it’s changing me on the inside again. I’m feeling the part of me then, very present in this Now, Marvin, as I was named then, and have since differentiated and gotten to know as a part of me, who so wanted so much, and wanted to bargain with God to get that ‘so much’, who was also afraid to get anything less. ‘I’ll give you all this God, if you’ll give me that’.

I’m also feeling how much pain Marvin carried inside of his bones too that began around being conceived inside of the cocoon of my mom’s deep and unmoving depression, from his very conception, born into my mom’s lineage of feminine suppression under a patriarchal God, with a patriarchal dad, and a patriarchal husband, and a mom and entire social world in similar lockdown. I know that by the time Marvin made it through the gauntlet of his teens, through the these sudden shifts, he wanted to find the ‘lying down in green pastures’ spoken of in Psalm 23. He wanted to find the way to live that was blessed and guaranteed by God. He was so stunningly surprised that the adult world was actually this fucked up, and no one was doing anything about it, though he had now parted with that kind of language, and anything else that could be remotely considered a vice.

Marvin has since gone on to transmute into my Inner Child, and then my Magical Child, and even beyond as I feel him mostly now in my Star-seed Galactic Self that arose recently whom I call Andy. We sometimes sing our own version of the familiar Sunday School song ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own’, which is kind of a perfect digestion of all that God seeking churchy feelings of how it was connection with our own being we were seeking the whole time. We couldn’t see that for what it was and so we arranged for ‘God’ to hold that for safekeeping.

Merlin: Andy is like the friggin’ best! He knows fun and wonderworld walking like no one I know. If you want to go play, call on Marvin, or Andy rather, or both! Let’s get this party started in here.

Raphael: I know right. It’s a bit serious in here isn’t it, but I just have one more piece to feel today and it gets to the heart of this journey to face the Demiurge.

Merlin: Okay, that’s good too, I’m sure it will lead to fun eventually.

Raphael: I think so too, Merlin, and thank you for your patience… 🙂

The piece that is dawning in me, and on me, is feeling how much I, and my beloved parts of me shaped God in my own image, even created this creator being. Granted, It was my family conditioning this life that got me up and running with this set to my sails, but I needed to shape this God into a spaceholder of my Higher Self that I couldn’t consciously yet see or feel inside my own heart.

I’m looking for the right words to put around this…

I mean in the sense that I was afraid of my own heart and its capacity to feel. I know that wasn’t just about this life’s wounding though this life wounding was also needed to backlight it all in order for it to come to the light of day.

You could say, I used God, projected onto God, the Demiurge, my unconscious sense of my Higher Self.

Metatron, can you help me out here, what am I trying to put words around?

Metatron: What I feel it as is kind of simple. You made God into the monster that he had no choice but to become; becoming dis-eased with a greatness that he, and it, was unable to bear, having neither earned it, nor being worthy of it. And as they say ‘power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. You, along with the rest of us, made the Demiurge into an ‘absolute authority’; an ‘outside of us’ projection of our innate perfection and power, that we couldn’t yet relate with. That’s enough to cook anyone’s goose.

Raphael: Wow, when you put it that way, it makes me feel like I owe him an apology…

Metatron: …something to feel into, for sure. We all did this though, Raphael . And we all need to face the monster of our own creation.

Raphael: And what if there’s only a few of us ready to begin that?

Metatron: Then that makes us the ones to stand in the gap between the Demiurge and man. Sounds a bit heady, I know, but it’s real. The Demiurge doesn’t need to make his peace with all men and women individually to find and feel his remorse, his anger, his feelings. He only needs one actually, because, as with anything in the universe, the one, or any one, contains the all.

Merlin: You smoke the best stuff Metatron. I say we break and party-on at your pad. We have to get ready for Christmas a bit too which is tomorrow. Sounds like your talking total Christ child stuff, pretty timely if we’re gonna go by the Christian calendar. We could even redeem some Christmas carols out of the YouTube and have a sing along. You feel like ‘Hark the herald Angels sing’ kind of Archangel!

Raphael: Merlin, you know how to put a bow on things. That about says it for now, doesn’t it everyone? Wow, this gives us, and I know me for sure, some more digesting to do.

Let’s pick up again tomorrow. Thank you everyone, everyone here, everyone beyond, and everyone yet gathering, to form this one posse of hearts as an Ambassadorship to the Demiurge. The Demiurge, I feel is beginning to be expecting us. Thank you especially for feeling and helping me digest my own story too again today. I know I’d like another day or two to digest a few more pieces of my own story together. We are soon about to learn the Demiurge’s side of this story, but all things in their time.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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This Is Why Your Life Feels Like It Is Falling Apart

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment
By Jelelle Awen
Something has to fall apart in order to fall in. Falling IN to your sacred human self, your authentic self, your service of love self is a falling AWAY and APART of what was previously constructed and conditioned and created to be in 3D life. Falling apart is when you SEE and FEEL how you are made up of parts actually that have been formed when experiencing the fragmented and dualistic energies of 3D and being unable to digest emotionally and energetically this dissonant frequency. Falling apart brings up the parts of you that cling, maneuver, are afraid and overwhelmed, so that you can BE with them as a becoming whole version of yourself that is separating from them.
 
The falling apart can be ‘losing’ or being ‘forced out’ of a previously beloved home (this seems to be happening more lately)…a place that has been a nest that you’ve actually outgrown yet parts of you may not have realized this quite yet. It can feel like life is ‘doing something to you’ in these moments, yet if parts of you are stalling or stuck, the Divine and your Higher Self will give what can feel like a push to move you into your next timeline. This outward home falls apart and away to bring you more deeply into the sense of your inner home that can never leave you or be taken away.
 
Or the falling apart can be a long-term relationship or marriage that has been romantically complete for a long time that finally finishes or explodes or implodes. Here, too, you can feel the parts of you that have stayed for the convenience, the reasons and excuses of staying together for children, the ties and binds to a previously comfortable 3D reality, for the security of money. These reasons are not usually about LOVE at all, but for parts of you maybe this relationship has been the only form of love they have previously known, until you introduce them to what PURE LOVE feels like and they want MORE.
 
The falling apart is loss…..loss of beloved animal companions, friendships, birth family, careers and previous ways of earning money livelihood. Falling apart is anxiety as parts of you worry about survival, tensions about trusting life and YOU to provide. Falling apart is ash in the air feelings as you mourn what is gone and may reappear in NEW forms yet hasn’t quite yet. Falling apart is intense emotions too that may be long suppressed. ‘Going crazy’, letting what has been judged as insane shake through and quake through your BEing.
 
Falling apart in order to fall IN is where trust and surrender in the Divine holding of ALL your moments and movements comes in. Not just the bliss moments and the receiving moments and the gratitude moments. Yet, too, the mourning moments and the crazy moments and the very painful moments and the anxious moments. ALL is held in Divine love as phases and stages of your falling IN process to BEcome Sacred Human.
 
What breaks apart reveals the authentic core of You that then arises out of the rubble and rumble. THIS is what love has to look like sometimes in order to get to and release the real, the genuine, and the PURE that is just waiting inside of you to be born!
~
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.