Category: Uncategorized

Are You Embodying The Codes Coming In?

Published on by Jelelle Awen2 Comments
By Jelelle Awen

Those 11:11:11 portal codes (STRONG ones at that) may be ‘waiting’ in your soul field. They have come flooding in from the Great Cosmic Sun, supported by SOULar winds and geostorms, for the last week now. Yet, these codes/downloads/activations may be ‘hanging out’ in your aura, waiting for the activation and conscious connection to your ascension chakras. These chakras allow for the simulation and integration of the 11:11:11 codes. They seem to be especially key when it comes to embodiment of these codes into your body.

Here is a guided meditation with me to connect with your ascension chakras allowing more sense of what is waiting for you to download: https://youtu.be/TPs95U0T5Mw

It becomes in this stage of ascension so much about embodiment. Embodiment is the bringing of these high vibrational frequencies of light that are continually flooding into our atmospheres and Gaia’s too INTO your body, INTO your every living cell. This leads to the activation of your light body ~ your fifth dimensionally (and higher) anchored vehicle of travel beyond 3D constraints and conditions.

When people mention embodiment of your light body, it can feel conceptual and theoretical more than tangible. It SOUNDS good, but what does it actually mean for and to you? Sometimes feeling what it feels like when deeper embodiment isn’t happening or is blocked can help. This blocking can lead to feeling floaty, dizzy, just ‘not here’….basically not feeling grounded enough to the physical on a daily basis. Responding to practical life (when it is needed) can become very challenging. Physical disease and illness is a sign of lack of deeper embodiment. Addictions and ‘deathstyles’ (as I call them) are a block to embodiment as well. Light body looks like a healthy, vital body or what you could call a ‘love body’.
Embodiment is also about a deeper grounding of these light codes into your emotional body. The emotional body can be overlooked when it actually is critical to embodiment and not connecting to it can lead to a big anchoring to 3D energies through undigested trauma frequencies. This can lead to acute anxiety, resistance, and fear related to the ascension process and just being in life. The more porous and current your emotional body is the more you can emotionally let in higher frequencies as they come in. The more you can emotionally digest them and any reactions that surface UP. Being current with your emotional body pivots on digestion of traumas….both from this-life and other timelines/lifetimes too.

Bypassing your emotional body and emotional trauma by using higher vibrational frequencies just doesn’t ‘work’ for long. The trauma always find a way to express itself….often through dysfunction relationships, abuse cycles, money issues, health issues, etc. Experiencing transcendent frequencies while being grounded in your heart AND body is the opportunity offered by this new phase of ascension.

Deeper embodiment of your light body and your emotional body and higher self in your body……comes from the openness to FEEL anything that blocks the letting in of love (which is ultimately what these codes ARE.) This letting in of love is so important to the arisement of your sacred humanity!

Jelelle Awen

Soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

We offer through our SoulFullHeart process in 1:1 sessions a way to digest traumas through connecting with the parts of you that hold them and are ‘stuck’ in them. We connect with parts from this-life (such as Inner Protector, Inner Teenager, Inner Child, Inner Mother/Father, Inner Punisher). We also open up a bridge for you to feel aspects from other timelines (commonly called ‘past lives’). More info above.

Jelelle Awen is a Parts Work/Metasoul & Galactic Aspects/Sacred Union Teacher & Facilitator, and Ascension Guide. She is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life awakening/healing process and community. She has written four books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about galactic activation, bridging and ongoing individual/group sessions over zoom with her and other SoulFullHeart Facilitators with men and women, videos, books, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Photo by AarΓ³n Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

An Altered State Of Consciousness

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

It would seem that the point of all spirituality, and even every religion has something big to do with altering our state of consciousness.

It may even be that most everything we do, and even the things we don’t want to do are all about the payoff of feeling different about ourselves somehow.

As sovereign freewill beings immersed in a world of choice, we are out to feel better about ourselves. We are seeking an altered state of being – whether in mind, body or heart.

If this isn’t an oversimplification of explaining human motivation, but instead a simple everyday truth; one that you don’t need to look any further than yourself to be convinced of, then just considering this is an alteration of your consciousness right now. It brings you into an altered state of mind, heart and awareness.

We all do what we want, when we want and how we want. No power can force us to do or be anything we don’t want to do or be. Even a choice between the lesser of two evils is about a choice of which would make us feel better about ourselves in any moment.

We want expansion. We want experience. We want love. That’s the energy that is at core of the universe that lives in every cell of our beings – the hunger for loves’ expression and experience. We are the theater that love wants to show itself in and on.

Love is the root alteration of any and all consciousness shifts.

Who’d have thought that this is the same bed we all share? Every religion, every spirituality, every culture, in every geography, the drug dealer and the clergyman, the banker and the baker, every last one of us. This common denominator is where our total and complete unity lives.

I am seeking an alteration of my consciousness today, and if you check in with me tomorrow, the same thing will be true. You may find me paying bills, sleeping, having sex or tying my shoes, but the energy of life that moves me is a continual desire to be caught up in reverence and wonder. I seek to be filled with awe.

I am meant for, intended for, designed for the experience of awe and wonder.

If this is true, then it begs the quest of the question about β€˜how could we do that better, in any moment?’ The pat answer often comes to that question that this isn’t about doing, but rather about being. This in turn leaves us disappointed feeling that we are just aren’t there yet somehow, that there is some attainment of being that we haven’t reached yet, and if you do ever happen to stumble upon it, you’ll somehow know it when you get there.

What if you already fully are this being? What if all the power you’ll ever need is already inside of you? What if all the growth and discovery is only about experiencing what you already are?

If that’s true, then there is somethings you can do to experience the being that you already are. You can let yourself feel how every desire that lives in you is a search for an altered state of consciousness. You can feel how you share this profound commonality at the root of your being with all of life and consciousness. You can feel how the different beings that live inside of you and outside of you who want very different things on the surface, actually all want the same thing at core. Every internal and external conflict is about the search for expansion of consciousness.

I want, therefore I am.

Feel that. Get intimate with that. Feel and intimately get to know the parts of you who make up the subpersonality structure of your being.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Β VisitΒ soulfullheartwayoflife.comΒ for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. VisitΒ our donations pageΒ to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

The Rising Tide Of Our eLOVEution

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

We are all evolving. No matter the soul. Each one is participating in this natural maturation process that holds its own unique and particular part of the story. Each highlights something that can take us to greater depths of our compassion and relationship to Love. How deep does our compassion go? This is what Love is curious about. This is what I am curious about. How can I evolve into more love if there are parts of me that block that compassion, especially to myself? It is the outward expression of our lack of compassion that is ultimately about ourselves in the long run.

So much is being uncovered, discovered, and disseminated. From the cosmic activations of our Higher Self and higher timelines to a geopolitical unraveling that is occurring right before our eyes in black and white. Conspiracy theories be damned. This is really happening. The Light is making Itself more aware. Shining on the darkened pockets of our Being.

How we respond in this time sets in motion what it is we really truly want from this existence. What would be truly new in this situation? What choice can I make that lets in more love even as it brings up fear or resistance? Each choice creates a new timeline. A pathway to a new world. One that is not covered in the blanket of fear we have created for ourselves. We are truly infinite creators choosing. Evolution is the energetic consequences of our choices.

As the rising tide of these energies and unfoldings continue, you may begin to feel presses inside and out. Reactions and tugs. Questions and clarities. The frequency they take you to can have a big impact on your evolution into the New. These anchored frequencies can be held by unfelt parts of you that are seeking your open-hearted compassion.

I have felt these energies inside myself that are leading to new connections and integrations within myself as I have held them in sacred space over these past few weeks. It is like a dam is ready to break inside of me and the part of me that has protected me from this event can have an existential WTF moment. It is feeling the largess of the time we are in right now and how important it is to show up for all that is coming.

If you feel your dam breaking, or has broken, and are needing some navigation of it all, SoulFullHeart is here to serve that WITH you. To assist you in feeling all the parts that may be feeling a bit lost, confused, or in pain. To help integrate what is moving through you to make the changes necessary to find yourself on your highest emotive and spiritual timeline. These are days of self-love and compassion for all that you are moving through and feeling.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Β Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

11:11:11 Portal To Golden/5D Earth Experiences

Published on by Jelelle Awen4 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

BLESSings and Love to you on 11/11/11!! The codes, downloads, upgrades/activations (ALL!) available on this powerful day today provide a boost to awaken, to support, to clarify, to motivate, to inspire, to enliven, to encourage, to catalyze. The degree and depth you let them in is, as always, UP to you and what you (and parts of you) are ready for and wanting.

Your purpose of serving love becomes clearer, is meant to clarify with the 11/11/11 portal as MANY souls will be needed to support those newly awakening and those awakening and those even leading too! The most important service of love right now could be to yourself and your own healing, so that you can eventually overflow to others from a place of self love and goodness. Serving then from a place of genuine and embodied overflow.

I shared the image below because THIS is what I keep seeing when I close my eyes to let in the codes today. There is a gateway/bridge to the galactic even as there is a grounding in Gaia too….deeply rooting in there AS you open to your galactic consciousness.

Take the space today to go within. To be with the inhale of Gaia and the outflow of the Universe. To FEEL yourself, your emotional body flowing like a river, and the deeper emotions that rumble and flow. To reach BEyond your mind and the content and details of everyday. To connect with the Divine as the source of YOU and of ALL.

Let in what is offered JUST to you with so much love from your higher self, guides, the Divine……..

And these words come to me to share today, the second line coming from the Divine in 2010 and the rest of them expanding out over time and my own awakening. MUCH love to you, sacred human….we rise!!

You are so much bigger than your current circumstances reflect.

You are a Sacred Human. You are an Arising Wonder.

You are powerful beyond measure and beyond limits.

There is no ceiling that exists on what you can manifest when you are in alignment with Divine flow and your higher self’s soul purpose.

You have the capacity to create and experience new worlds and a Golden Earth (5D and higher). This Golden Earth is a return to humanity at its best and beyond that too.

This Golden Earth exists now and can be experienced by choosing to heal and break free from anything that limits you, holds you down, suppresses or imprisons you. By choosing to let go of anything that doesn’t serve your higher purpose, the Divine, and love.

Golden Earth is the dimension of Infinite Love. Love holds the shadow journey you need to take for embodiment and healthy transcendence both.

You are Infinite Love and experiencing Golden Earth as your daily reality is your birthright as a sacred human!!!

~

Join Raphael and I TODAY 11/11 at 11:11am PST for a livestream Q & A and guided meditation on my FB feed, plus we will share it on the SoulFullHeart Experience Youtube Channel and SoulFullHeart Blog as well!

Jelelle Awen

Soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

1:1 galactic activation, bridging, and ongoing sessions with me, Raphael and other SoulFullHeart Facilitators! More info above!

The 11:11 Gateway As The Portal To Metasoul Healing

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

It has been a week of letting in and acclimation. The energy here on Vancouver Island is just stunning. Geography has always been a big part of my awakening. That is true probably for most, if not all, of us. The land energy around us holds so many keys to the Metasoul, what I like to refer to as the planet of our soul. This planet contains the accumulation of our dimensional experiences, past, present, and future all in the Now. It has its light side and its shadow side.

As I spent some time the other day just taking in my immediate surroundings, I could feel the dimensional doorways inviting me to enter. To feel what soul consciousness lies on the other side to be felt and to receive guidance and support from. The area that I was walking in was once inhabited by a FIrst Nations tribe called the Saanich. Now, I just read a little bit about them on a board in the park that I was walking in. Mostly, I wanted to connect to the energy that was there and experience it for myself through my heartmind.

As with any other local native community, it was overrun by mining and commerce. Concrete structures found there way into what once was a very organic environment. An old smokestack still remains as a memory of this encroachment. I began to feel a voice inside of me that wanted to connect with me around this time. He wanted me to help him heal from this timeline of suffering and sadness. He felt to be a 4th dimensional consciousness stuck in the muck of the 3D paintrix, and understandably so.

As we enter into these coming days, months, and years I feel there will be an increasing vibration of these 4D Metasoul β€œbrothers and sisters” that are going to be seeking a release from this old frequency and into something higher and healed. In order to serve this growing call and need we need to heal our own personal 3D timelines to make room for this. If there are a lot of 3D anchors living inside, these incoming 4D energies can be experienced as a lot of emotional heaviness, frustrations, anger, as well as physical symptoms such as sleepiness, headaches, stomach aches, and maybe even some β€œaccidents” that are meant to be knocks on our heart doors to get with the healing and releasing.

This communion with our Metasoul can bring us much in the way of soul gifts, higher intuition and perspective. This soul brother of mine, who wants to be called by the name of the tribe itself, wants me to feel what life was/is like in the Lemurian Dimension. He can feel how I would benefit from his wisdom and passion as much as he can benefit from my open heart to feel and heal with him. It is a symbiotic relationship where we will eventually integrate and merge with each other in a more pure way. Less fused to the denser energies of the pain and suffering.

There is still a healing that happens inside of me as well. In the past, without feeling and clearing my own β€œthis life” wounds, I would attach to the pain of my Metasoul and find myself in deep bouts of depression with drugs and alcohol as a way to manage and get medicate it. With all the inner work, I can now hold a different space around it that will allow for a reachoring in a higher dimensional frequency for all the Metasoul lives that are alive inside of me, yet to be felt and experienced. This continues to support and open my heart to the service of love to others.

As more comes up around this relationship I will share more. The main thing I wanted to express was how much we are being invited to go into our hearts and make room for all the spiritual refugees that are seeking a safe haven inside of our Being. It leads to a growing bridge to our Star Family both Gaian and Galactic. This 11:11 is the gateway to this brand new world that is right under our feet and in the Now. I invite you to join me on this ride of your life.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Β Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Meet Your Inner Protector – A Guided Meditation With Raphael Awen

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

Every day, we find people getting magically introduced to their Inner Protector and beginning a journey of self discovery and awakening to their emotional body, that opens out connection to the Inner Child, Galactic Awakening and Multidimensionality. I invite you to enjoy this short guided meditation below to get introduced to your Inner Protector.

From the video description:
“Your Inner Protector is your most loyal guard, who watches over your other parts and protects your ‘inner castle’ or essence. Conscious connection with this part/subpersonality of yourself allows for more openness to make life changes, letting in of ascension/awakening energies, opening of your heart, and access to other parts of you who need you!

In this video, SoulFullHeart Teacher and Facilitator Raphael Awen leads you in a guided meditation to meet your Inner Protector and begin this precious connection. This video is filmed in a regional park in New Lemuria Victoria, BC, Canada. Enjoy the tree codes and getting the opportunity to meet this important part of yourself!”

If I can be of further assistance, I’d love to hear from you. More on sessions here at http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Our Fear Of Life

Published on by Raphael Awen5 Comments

By Raphael Awen

Our greatest fear isn’t about our death, but rather about our infinitude.

Death is simply another birth into the great unknown of our never ending being and the universe it expresses in. To accept that is to be in reverence, awe and wonder, which is to really live.

To accept that is to accept your struggle with that. You don’t really β€˜get’ that and neither do I.

Death and life are a great mystery that the universe itself and the divine itself is still busy exploring and it is exploring it through you and me.

Death and life are inseparable from each other, as every moment, every relationship, every being that expresses, expresses as a surrender to this mystery of death and rebirth.

Living our lives in avoidance of death or repulsion to death is to reject life itself, for life isn’t possible without death. Coming to terms with our physical death can help us come to terms with the many deaths of our lives, which in turn is the only thing that can offer us a healthy entry into our next stage and place in life.

You must leave in order to enter. We get to have life because we are willing to let it go. What makes any moment truly alive is to feel that moment’s life and its death in the same space. I enter it with a reverence that I must in turn leave it and its imprint on me as well as what I imprinted it with. Every thing and every relationship I enter, I must ultimately leave.

Every Joy contains a sorrow. Realizing this is key to navigating both, and key to leaving behind a flatlined existence where both our joys and sorrows are muted, in favor of a more managed/controlled reality, that is void of deeply truly living.

If life is anything, it is reverence. To revere something is to fear it. To truly fear something is to be in awe of it, to respect it on a deep heart and soul level, to fear losing it. What we really fear losing is not our lives, but losing the real connection with life within our life. Regaining that is about accepting all of our reality, even if we fall so short of understanding it. It’s about feeling it, not β€˜knowing’ it in any mental or philosophical sense.

Finding and feeling the part(s) of you who hold your relationship to death and rebirth is the single deepest thing you can do to embrace growth, movement and change in your life. Parts of you are stuck in their relationship to death, and can only move from the fear that grips them if and when they are afforded a digestion of their fears.

I wrote the above article a year ago today, and it feels timely again as we have just surrendered to a big death and rebirth experience in choosing to return to Canada and feel and face all the questions about the outcome. In our first three weeks here, we have already experienced so much more than we had quite prepared for in terms of goodness and synchronicity/support from the universe. There is a digestion now about how we collectively not only fear negative outcomes, but how we actually fear deeply positive outcomes as they set the bar higher and create a whole new vibration of reality to acclimate to. More letting go, in order to let in.

I offer space holding for individuals that want to explore the deeper terrains of their relationship to life and adventure; their relationship to their undigested and unfelt traumas and how those affect their lives now. More can be found here at our sessions page:Β http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

The picture below is from a recent walk close to our new home where I felt the trees holding space of welcome – a choir of love and embrace – all loaded with trust and a yin-like surrender to having all of their needs met, grounded in Gaia, and not being afraid of death and rebirth.

Much love,

Raphael

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Β Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

The Collective Shadow Is Seeking Healing

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

The loss of innocent lives within the content of hate is a tragedy beyond understanding. How do we digest any of this that gives us any solace or context? There is something that lives in the underbelly of our collective shadow. It can be manipulated and coerced by β€œthe powers that be” to create fear and divisiveness, but this only leads us down a road of powerlessness and a vicious cycle of Us vs.Them.

We obviously want answers and solutions that can give parts of us the sense that justice is being served and change is being made for the better. The energy that is upswelling is intense. It can trigger so many parts and aspects of us that are in timelines of persecution and injustice. Even ones in which we were the abuser and repressor. This is the messy part of ascension making its way into our awareness.

We can’t help but feel afraid, uncertain, and angry in times like this. It should not be suppressed or ignored but rather gone into. If we hang our hearts and minds on the hooks of fear, rage, and manipulation then somehow I feel we are missing something that is bigger.

The judgment and hate come from our collective well. We are not separate from it no matter how you dress it up. It is actually part of the process of seeing and feeling what still needs to be addressed within each of us, not just set on fire in the din of the echo chamber of our social and political media. Falses flags and gun control, in my opinion, are not the conversations to be mired up in. Do I believe that there are false flags? Yes, I do. Do I feel something needs to be done about violence and guns? Of course, but I need and want to get above the swell so that I can feel my heart, my metasoul, my part in all of this. Where does Love need me to go and how does it want me to respond?

I feel so much sadness for those that have been affected by these recent events. I feel the fear and rage too. But I also want to bring in the love or else we just descend without something holding the space. Go into the energy that comes up and feel where it lives in you from this life and beyond. What is it that it is triggering inside and give voice to that. It is a portal into something that can bring a wider lens and an open (many times broken) heart. These are the β€œsolutions” I am here to feel for myself and offer the world at large so that we can fully learn from and understand what is truly rumbling from our collective heart and soul.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Β Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

 

Honoring The Courage To Feel: A Gatekeeper’s Journey

Published on by Gabriel Heartman3 Comments

Tender tears flow. This is the moment of feeling. Healing. Letting go and letting in. In recent weeks I have been connecting with another layer of my defenses, my protection, in the form of what we call the Gatekeeper. They are the holders and guardians of our soul story and soul pain. I have had several incarnations in my healing process and this latest one has been one that has been like the Wizard of my Oz. He was found in deep resistance to feminine intuition and guidance. It was a subtle energy that was very much closely connected to my waking consciousness. A cognitive dissonance arose in me and I began to feel a bit lost in what was me and what wasn’t.

As I began to commune with this energy more and receive space-holding from Jelelle and reflection from my beloved Kalayna, I could begin to feel a conscious separation that is all part of this work of differentiation. The energy became less unknown and more knowable. More willing to be seen and connected with. I could feel how this aspect of me has been so closely entwined with me most of my life and came out in bits and pieces over the course of my healing.

But this has felt core to me. The themes he has shared with me have been themes that have pervaded my consciousness my whole life. Guilt, shame, cowardice, judgment, rejection, fear, doubt, hopelessness, and even rage. Our Gatekeepers are like sponges that hold this vast arena of our soul in a what appears as a finite container of energy. This provides a huge feeling of burden and responsibility. I have equated it to the image of Atlas in past writings.

He was originally found in a large cavernous space under my castle as a dragon protecting my inner treasure of heart and soul. But this was mostly a projection of defense he has since shown himself to be more human in form as the lifetimes on this planet would have him, and me, accustomed to. We have been in contact daily but he has been a bit elusive due to his own distrust and acclimation in being seen. Today he let me in a bit more to feel the deeper pain of creating a wall to his angelic home.

From his words, he felt how much he had fused to this dimension and assumed the role of responsibility of what happened to my soul, rather than the intended choice of being a guide. The experiences of myriad timelines had shuddered his heart through the volatility of human pain and emotion. He chose a life of hiding and self-sequestering that only acted as a barrier to receive the Love from whence he came. I was guided to play some piano music that has always brought this feeling of missing home into my heart. As I played it, the tears came and the heart opened even if just slightly.

He could feel the waves of love coming from β€œbeyond” yet are very much right here, right now. It has been hard for him to let that in as it means to feel the pain of putting up the walls in the first place. So the tears are bittersweet, but tears nonetheless. They are the process of Love finding the pain and giving it the healing that it wants and needs in order to move on and move up to new frequencies and timelines that offer more ease and joy and less heaviness and difficulty.

It wasn’t a full dam break but a good start to begin to shift something so profoundly core in my life. In my quest for wholeness, self-love, and service of love. The image that I chose below is one that represents my Gatekeeper and his lonely search for Love even when he has resisted it so. It looked as far away as the stars but forgetting is had always been there right there under his feet and in his heart. This is my honoring of him and his courage to keep marching on.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Β Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Returning To Source

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

Is there a way we could embrace suicide somehow, yet without doing any harm to ourselves?

A Tribute To Wayne:

I began going by my middle name of Wayne in 2008, after some deep life changes rocked through my world. People who knew and loved me as Marvin, my given first name, had a hard time with me now going by Wayne. Wayne wasn’t Marvin. My life wasn’t what it had been.

Wayne was a new arising me who could leave entire well constructed worlds behind in search of new ones, when he knew the old worlds were completing.

I had been going by the name of Wayne for only a few weeks when I again chose to connect withΒ JelelleΒ (then Jillian) and to fully explore open hearted romance. That soon involved leaving Canada behind, moving to California, not quite legally, then getting banned from the US, reordering our world back to Canada, even choosing to go through bankruptcy a few years later. It was all adventure and expansion and Wayne loved every bit of it, even feeling the kickups of anxiety that the edges of that aliveness also pushed up.

Chapter after life chapter unfolded taking him and us to change so much of life as I had known it. I left my too familiar hometown behind and chose to live in new places close to the ocean that reflected the aliveness and changes on the inside. My relationship with a career in its third decade was thinned out as I embraced more and more the call and desire to co-found SoulFullHeart together with Jillian.

After 6 years together, the desire and call came to relocate to Mexico, to quite simply load the van and go. Wayne did just that, along with Jillian, and Kathleen and Christian (KalaynaΒ andΒ Gabriel) and then adjusted to a ton of newness and exploration on an offgrid ranch attempting growing our own food and cob building in a very foreign setting on what felt like less than a shoestring budget, in terms of both money and know how; and all of that while remaining in deep heart and soul connection with Jillian, along with our tiny community, and the desire to birth SoulFullHeart into the world more and more. In many ways the universe led us through a great death and rebirth phase and Wayne was my personal tour guide for the duration.

Then came a time of feeling another layer of aliveness that wasn’t Wayne arising in me, and I chose to go by the name, Raphael. The name change was much easier this time as I was only in contact with a few local Mexicans and my closest beloveds at the ranch who fully supported my name change. Wayne felt like a beloved part of me who was stepping back now from leading my life as I, Raphael, was holding a yet again new frequency of relationship to life. Wayne felt like his time as me, as my leading edge, was completing.

Wayne was the one who could hold and manage the practical with a deeply open heart, and love the edges and challenges that arose. Wayne was the one who could embrace deeply the deep feminine in his beloved and in himself, even when he was confounded by it. Wayne was able to claim what he wanted and let go of what he didn’t want.

I felt my relationship to Wayne wane over time (pun intended). He took a mostly backseat in my life as I as Raphael now held life and him as a beloved part of me. Then as our recent choice to move back to Canada arose for us, I felt some distinct Wayne tones arise sharply in my consciousness.

As I felt so many exciting new things coming into my life, I strangely also had some strong constricted moments of feeling anxious. Being out shopping for familiar foods with a very excited Jelelle andΒ Raianna, I felt myself struggling to find my joy or excitement and instead wanted to save money. Beneath the anxiety about outcomes, I could feel a deep tiredness coming from somewhere inside of me to be β€˜doing it all over again’. I tried to breathe through and manage these feelings as understandable given the degree of life change underway, yet the feelings persisted to where I could so clearly feel a part of me not on board with where I found myself now.

I checked in with Wayne and could so feel this as him, trying on one hand to summon the energy to continue and at the same time, so not wanting to. When I picked up pen and paper yesterday to journal with Wayne, I asked him about his feelings and what he told me was that he had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to return back to Source, and that he didn’t feel connected or energized towards our new Canada timeline, try as he may. He told me that he felt complete with the lifetime lived out in the past 13 years and now so wanted to go deeply into the embrace of the Divine Mother. I wept wave after wave of deep tears together with him feeling a deep completion and then I felt at odds about where to lead him next. I shared the experience with Jelelle and Raianna later in the day, who both shared my tears and deep realization, both of whom knew and loved Wayne so dearly. Jelelle offered that he was free to go; to be beautifully and ceremoniously released to return back to source; to β€˜pass away’ from this dimension and go onwards to his next dimensions of exploration and journey; that his work was done, and so well done at that; that his reward awaited him.

We released Wayne right there, sitting at the kitchen table, and felt him go, leaving now from his home territory of Canada. It’s only been a nights digestion and yet I feel so much lighter. I can feel Wayne in transit and can still feel a heart chord with him, that feels like it never needs to go away, a chord of supply from the source that he returns to, from the arms of the Divine Mother whose embrace he chose to be deeper enfolded in.

I can feel him now removed from this practical third dimension and yet so practical at the same time, wanting to create a logistics shipping company that can transport goods and services between the dimensions like a well oiled machine, in a yin feminine kind of way.

I can feel my heart as Raphael ready to take on the new beginnings of starting all over again with a feeling of joy and opportunity, rather than a fear or anxiety of not being enough for this next chapter.

My heart tells me that it’s totally natural to have parts of us complete their timelines here and to be able to release them without ending our physical lives. We need not fuse to their feelings in a result of suicide, but instead hold heart space for their feelings to move through us – their gifts being received and them being allowed to go onwards, with a new version of ourselves being supported by the Divine to hold the larger context and timing of our sacred earth tour.

Thank you for feeling this tribute to Wayne.

May you know also the parts of you that need their advent and return through the vehicle of your earth journey.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Β Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.