Tag: emotional consciousness

Feeling Is Your Stairway To Heaven

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

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There is a path that has been worn down. Worn out.  It leads and you follow.  But you begin to realize it keeps taking you to the same location that you have seen a hundred times.  Feels like this path is just running in circles.  A numbness settles in…maybe a frustration…a growing need to veer off into another direction.  To see some new territory that you never knew existed.  To respond in ways you never knew you had in you.  But it has all been such a conditioned response to do the same thing over and over and hope for different results.

You realize the path can’t change unless you do.  Unless you make a conscious effort to do something you never imagined you could do…until you found the courage and desire to do so for the sake of feeling alive and new.  But it is not an easy decision for the part of you that is used to the path, regardless of the cost to your soul.  The fear and judgment set in and it makes it difficult to really FEEL where YOU are in all of this.

But there is one there.  A YOU that holds the blueprint of your greatness and joyful delight.  So gifted to you by YOU.  Yeah, man!  You are the creator, the chooser.  Not the victim or the loser. It is feeling all these reactions from within as we take a step outside the path.  Maybe just outside the old one but a new one nonetheless.  Saying something true, seeing what is hard to see, feeling what hurts to feel.  Building a fence made of compassion that keeps you from drawing back into the old, and forgiving yourself if it does.

The more and more you feel and heal all that has kept you from YOU, a new path is created.  A new set of circumstances come your way that were not a part of the old scenery.  You can’t respond to them in the same way for the game has changed, the physics have been altered and you are on a trajectory toward a new planet.  A new NEW that keeps renewing itself if you keep letting it.  You may wear another path and that is okay. You will remember what that is like and readjust, refeel.  Recalibrate to all that is coming your way.

Each shift brings a rearranging of your inner program to let in the one program that you can never quite know or control.  Love builds you a spiral staircase for you to climb, to ascend.  To discover and remember.  The greatest fear is the fear of falling and the only safety is your willingness to feel it to its deepest core.  The willingness to descend is what permits us to ascend.  Gives us the courage to make that next step UP and IN.  A spiral stairway to heaven.

This is not a solo journey but one that is supported and guided by a universe of all the help and love you can possibly let in.  This is probably the hardest part to accept for the part of us that has been so used to doing it alone.  It is not just our ethereal support but the ones provided by our human soul family that can be the very thing we have been looking for all along.

If you are feeling the desire for more of YOU and to be a part of others who are desiring the same I am available for space holding sessions for both men and women.  It is a hero’s and heroine’s journey and I would love to feel it all with you as you ascend to greater heights within yourself through feeling parts of yourself.  The stairways to your personal and universal heaven.

Please visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more.

Much love to you on your journey and unfolding

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Desire To Mate And Create As Sacred Humans

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

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We are wired for creation it seems, as human BEings, and especially as Sacred Humans arising more and more through ascension… CREATE-ures, who have been created and yet also co-created, constantly, consistently, without end. We are moving more and more into a state of CONSCIOUS co-creation with each other, the Divine, and even ourselves as we engage in processes that allow us to get to know ourselves as we heal on deeper and deeper levels.

Our desire to create comes from our god-ness, for the Divine is always creating, recreating, co-creating too and we are intrinsically connected to all of that and the ALL. Multiple timelines appear on our radars, wanting us to feel more, become more, feel where we are in the moment, yet also see what we are energizing as the truest truth of who we are and the life we’re living. To acknowledge our creativity in every moment is to claim and inhabit our power again, to acknowledge ourselves as high-beaming BEings again. We are the writers of our own stories, we are bringing in energy to support or neglect our deepest desires. We are given gateways to walk through that want to bring us more outward into the harvest of our inward glances and journeys. We are brought into new territories via the vehicle of ‘I want’ and the sidecar of ‘I need’, ever-connected to quantum will, quantum desires, quantum needs that over-arch everything, everyone, every other CREATE-ure imaginable.

There’s a dance here, with self and the Divine and with each other too. We are partnered in creation, as we are all ONE anyways, yet find our individual expressions of this too. We are inclined to find dance partners through different waves and ways of relationships. We are romantic in our hearts, always imagining something (though parts of us may dismiss this for different phases), always wanting (though again, parts may be burying this for different phases), always needing something, though this can ultimately be boiled down to a much deeper need for LOVE… how could this love dance, this wanting dance, not turn into a mating dance too? First with self, then with other? How could our beautifully filling-up hearts and ever-glowing, growing souls not want to collaborate and co-create with another in sacred union, creating from an ‘usness’ of beauty and ever-purifying love and self-discovery? This collaborative sort of relationship is what could be difficult to accept into our lives, especially for those who feel they have only begun to get themselves sorted out, let alone let in a sacred union romance that will scramble their worlds up again. Yet, THIS is what creativity feels like to me… a creating and then a dismantling, only to create something new and perhaps better or more fulfilling than before!

There is a sacredness to every single desire and ache in our hearts for more or less or even something completely different than we’ve experienced so far. We are creating this sacredness from our own sacredness that can never die or be abandoned though it can certainly be buried. We are being tuned back into these frequencies that remind us of our aliveness, our need to align truly with our hearts and want we want to create,  while illuminating what we’ve been creating instead. We are given this illumination as a powerful opportunity and it is entirely our own creative choice as to whether or not we step into it. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

REALLY Showing Up For What YOU REALLY Want.

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

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By Raphael Awen

What would YOU show up for in life, REALLY show up for, given the opportunity?

Asking the first question leads to second one that goes something like this ‘Well, I know I have it in me to REALLY show up for something, but I know myself enough to know that I would only REALLY show up for something heart and soul, ALL IN, if it REALLY called to me,…so what then is it that I REALLY want?’

Awesome QUESTion! What IS it that YOU…REALLY… WANT?

The entire universe literally awaits your answer to that question. The next great literature of the world will be written from your ‘literalizing’ of this quest and question inside of you.

To enter this quest, and have life and love as your SPONSOR giving YOU all you need to undertake this quest depends upon your literalizing of this offer that life and love are extending to you. Life can offer and even offer inspiration, but it cannot go beyond that, or it would be diminishing your power and learning. What’s more, rescuing YOU in this way of choosing for you would kill the fun and adventure that YOU signed up for as well. Life sees YOU in an exciting and ‘funnest-fun’ kind of adventure. This of course appeals to all of us, from the part of us who may only be seeking a bit of medicative distraction from boredom, all the way to the part of us wanting to blow the doors off of our limited life picture who resonates at a deep soul level with these words.

My truth is that for everyone of us, if we are here and breathing, that breath itself is alive with opportunity that is calling to us, and it is calling us on an EPIC level to step into our next pieces. Only YOU can know what that is even if it’s just a sniff of your next step. The YOU-ni-verse is in that sniff. Until there is action on that sniff, YOU are actually telling the universe and your guides that YOU aren’t ready to move. YOU are using your sovereign power of your sovereign being to ‘decide, decree and declare’ to the universe and all of its subjects that YOU will be remaining where YOU are…that you’re not REALLY going to be showing up for anything.

So I ask again, what would YOU show up for in life, REALLY show up for, given the opportunity?

Can you see here that the question isn’t any longer about the ‘given the opportunity’ part? That was just a ruse coming from the part of YOU bent on staying stuck, making it look like that owning your power was predicated upon an outside chance opportunity coming your way, as if it wasn’t staring you in the face, impatiently waiting. Life itself IS the opportunity.

I’ve wrestled with this QUESTion time and time again. This one, you and I won’t ever actually ever fully get. You are an infinite being on an infinite exploration. THAT’S MAGICAL! You’re not going to run out of excitement, engagement and ‘next pieces’ if you take up this offer life is extending you. It will call upon every emerging ounce of your courage as you know it. Surprisingly though, you ‘blowing your wad’ on courage, going all in, won’t deplete your courage, but en-courage you to take on the next piece, and the next one after that.

If you see a next piece together with me, or with SoulFullHeart, that’s exciting to me! I’m out today sniffing my next pieces to REALLY show up for. If you are a man reading this, I’d like to offer you, from my universe, a possible ‘next piece’ in the Men’s Group Call on the Sacred Masculine coming up this Saturday that I’m leading along with Gabriel Heartman (details below). This in itself is a portal into a new world. Yes, there are many to choose from, but nothing moves in your kingdom or mine until choice occurs. But when it does,… watch out!

Your choice and a donation of any amount gets YOU in this sacred space with Gabriel and I and the rest of the MEN wanting to REALLY show up for themselves. I’m REALLY in if you are! 🙂

Here’s the men’s call event:https://www.facebook.com/events/1257237587706349/

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to make a donation to support our work at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

An Intro To The SoulFullHeart 7 Key Areas Of Life For Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow Souls Blog Series

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

rainbow-children

In this writing today, I want to take you with me somewhere. Actually, I’d like to set my internal compass for that, with everything I write to you from now on. So this is the invitation: come on this journey with me. See what there is for you to feel into for yourself. Everything I say to you is grounded in my own experience and guidance. This is a personal thing for me and I want to share from this place in my heart that digests and feels everything happening in my own world and then, in turn and yet simultaneously, the world around me. Nothing that I say is “Bible” and everything is “near as I can tell”. That being said, do come with me and collaborate with me! Let’s grow these ideas and experience our own growth and consciousness expansion TOGETHER!

In SoulFullHeart, there are 7 areas of life that we hold to be key for our healing and understanding of ourselves. They are ways in which we can check up on what’s going on for us and how we are relating to life and even ascension. With each of the entries in this series, you may immediately feel a niggle or knowingness of some kind and some doorway into your most inner reality that maybe you haven’t quite gone to yet. Maybe you have actually explored these places before, as I did before meeting Jelelle and Raphael and starting my own SoulFullHeart process. If you can let me, my words, and my energy in, you will be letting in a huge gust of SoulFullHeart love and support for you to continue this exploration into the depths of yourself.

As we talk about ascension, this is where the work must always begin to be on this journey in the most grounded, thorough way possible – inside ourselves. If you follow my favourite show on gaia.com called Cosmic Disclosure, you will have heard Corey and David talk about this need to go inside and heal our hearts or our service to others won’t be as centered in the heart as is necessary right now. I can already feel that this is something so important to each of you taking this in… it was, is, and always has been for me too. This is why I engage so deeply in this work on myself, so that I, in turn, can serve you with love and serve love WITH you, too. What you are receiving now, is an infusion of the overflow of love coming straight from my heart, finding its way into yours. I know that it has often been hard to trust when someone says that they “love you”, especially being the sensitive, huge, inter-dimensional souls that you are, knowing full-well that sometimes we can say that to each other and not really mean it. It’s okay if that’s how you feel. Love is coming at you anyways, from me, from angels, from star beings, from Mother Gaia, and even from you and the love you are made of already.

The 7 key areas of life that I mentioned before, and that I will talk about in depth throughout this series, are: financial, environmental, social, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. I will offer you some words around each of them so that you can let in how we see and feel each area through the SoulFullHeart lens, and how I feel each area applies to you as an Indigo, Crystal, Rainbow, and/or Starseed soul. You might feel some overlap with other healing paths you’ve looked at or been on before, but you’ll also get something brand new out of the experience if you’re open to it. Actually, I suspect I will too, as this is something I’m digesting for my own healing as well. Each area can carry with it some intense challenges for us, as some of us have reincarnated many times, yet some may have not and could be brand new to life here with Mother Gaia. Some areas may also been easier for some of us than others, and we’ll have a look at that together too. As much and as often as possible, I will tie everything back into ascension, since that’s actually the main reason why all or most of us have chosen to incarnate here at this time. You’ll notice that as we ascend, there are different ways in which each area will express in our lives, and I will touch on that as well.

I am a teacher and guide yet I am also a student, and we are all big souls here, learning how to really step into our bigness and express our soul gifts from our ever-healing and expanding hearts. There are many, many places we can go together on this path, and I’m hoping to start some conversations with you who want to learn more but also with you who want to offer how it’s all been for you from your own perspective.

So, if you feel the desire, please keep an eye out for my next blogs in this series, and let’s travel inward, onward and upward together. ❤

If you’re curious to read more about me, you can visit my bio here.

You can also read more of my writing here.

Love,

Kalayna

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

 

We Are Movers Of Love

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

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We are beloved movers of legacies and conditioning, called upon to go into our own as souls and human hearts, but also to serve others in doing the same. We are ultimately movers of LOVE.
We are many generations of soul-light broadcasters and love-light healers. Each phase has offered another layer of exposure of what needs to be healed and even another layer of healing in the same sacred breath. We are all healers with LOVE.
Today I feel invited to let in that so much of what we move through as we heal is not just what belongs to us, but what belongs to All, for we cannot be separate though we also individuate for what can feel like long, necessary phases before reuniting with this All-ness consciousness in heart, body and soul. The hardest part, in my experience so far, is learning to love this…
We are bridge builders from ourselves to ourselves and ourselves to each other. We are connected, sometimes by chasms, but the more bridges we can build with love and care, the more supple the skin beneath the rashes of reaction becomes. This is what it means to be in relationship and to be a healing balm to ourselves and one another. This is what it means to be in conscious commUNITY.
Claiming our roles in the creation of the worlds that we live in, both inner and outer, is the opportunity at the doorstep of our hearts. We have the capacity to feel it, heal it and transmute it ALL in the way that love wants to partner with us in doing so!
May this next moment of life be one filled with and focused on love for every single reaction, desire, disappointment, joy, and angst, for even if it isn’t always from ourselves, it is from somewhere, and pushing away is what has perpetuated the more negative, lower frequencies in the first place and also what has not let the joyful moments in to do the work and transformation they have wanted to do. We do not have to become anything we don’t want to, but we CAN feel it through to its roots and love the soil it was planted in, for the ultimate source and co-creator has really been LOVE all along…

~~~

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

A Wrap-Up

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

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By Leena Colibri

 

When it’s not a game anymore.
When the pieces have fallen out of place
And out of reach…

 

When the tides turn red and violet
With desire and spirituality
Both
That will be when I surf
Those waves of radical, changing material.

 

That will be when you can catch me
Turning to you
Within me
Within you.

 

I went to that place today… You know the one.

 

The question marks fall from your mouth
As you realize what you see
Is not what you hear In the furnace that burns
Inside your head.

 

Experience will teach
Will scar
Will tattoo
And I will be there to bring it all back inward
To a place where I can digest it

 

And you are welcome to the party
As usual
Whenever it comes to you
On feeling winds
That blow down your carefully placed
House of cards.

 

I don’t know if you’ll know me
When this phase is through,
But I do know
That the truth…
It lingers on and comes back.

 

I may not come back.

 

But rest assured I didn’t open you up for nothing…

 

Did you?

 

 
 
**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Fire Among The Ashes: A Mid-Life Awakening

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

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By Christopher Tydeman

I am typing this on New Year’s Eve 2014. A typical time for reflection. It is also a few weeks before my birthday. Those two events always elucidate a form of taking stock and evaluation. They just happen to be really close in proximity for me. A double dose in this case. I find that to be a blessing in the moment. It signifies something big for me. I know that time is just an illusion, but to a part of me it has much relevance as a marker or a yard stick. If I hold it with a larger context then this part of me doesn’t get mired in the content of what didn’t happen this year or what should happen in the following year of my life.

I was staring at a bed of coals from a campfire. The burning embers were glowing with their hot orange and red hue while surrounded by the dead gray ash of the previous flame. It was like looking at a pulsating heart in the middle of a dying body. As each moment passed the life of the fire became smaller and smaller until it would eventually merge with its lifeless surroundings. There was a message or a metaphor in that for me.

I am entering a new phase of my life. A completely new life to be honest. I am no longer a part of the old structure and conditioning I was used to for 43 years. I am in a foreign country with basic yet emerging language skills, a dwindling fiat currency supply, and, at present, no generation of future funds. This couldn’t be farther than what I was taught to believe was the “right” way to live life at this age. I “should” have a house. I “should” have a career. I “should” be planning for my retirement. As I sit from where I am, that just feels like the ashes surrounding the hot coals. The death that smothers the fire of passion, desire, and life itself.

Many would call this a mid-life crisis. I would prefer to call it a mid-life awakening. An opportunity to take back what was given to me by the Divine Itself. The power and choice to live a life of freedom, self-reliance, and joy. Not some fabricated, name-brand, “this is what makes everyone else happy” type of bullshit. But authentic, down to nature, human to human, self to self type of contact. Life is not an Easy Bake Oven for Christ’s sakes. But it’s not torture either. It’s a daily round of the ebb and flow of hard work and rest. Of desire and surrender. Of challenge and ease. Of getting to the guts of what really matters while eating a plate of home grown vegetables. Anything else is just corporate politics trying to sell you a life they convinced you was better than the one that God gave you.

I don’t have any clue what will happen this coming year. Hell, I don’t have a clue what will happen next month for that matter. Before my deconditioning, I could more or less guess what my life would be like one year to the next. Work would be the same. Daily routines would be the same. Even the unknown parts would be planned and then made known. My sustenance would be easy and never be in question. I would spend my “free” time trying to forget that I wasn’t free at all.

But now each day is an unknown adventure. I am helping to grow our own food by creating a rich soil foundation and utilizing limited space to produce an abundance of nutrition. I am learning Spanish by fumbling my way through understanding and speaking. I am beginning to make connections with others who live in a nearby community to help strengthen a bond of genuine respect and collaboration. I am continuing to delve deeper into my own being, both emotional and spiritual, through my daily relations with my SoulFullHeart family. As I type this, I realize how rich my life really is in comparison to what it was.

Interesting. So the less I know, the richer life becomes. The more I know, the duller. There is a wisdom here in Mexico that eludes the rest of industrial society. Life doesn’t happen later, it exists now. In the moment. Anything that happens has a solution, one way or another, at some point. It will get taken care of and life will continue while you enjoy your cerveza. People will take care of one another, even if they don’t know you. There is always something to share with each other, even if it is a smile and an “Hola”. I am honored and proud to be in Mexico in my next life journey. I don’t know what happens this coming year and I am okay with that. I am here now. I am enjoying this paradise I co-alchemized. I look forward to sharing it with others, to help them feel what it is that they truly want in their lives. For a moment to let go of all they have been trying to be and allow themselves to be just as they are . . . a fire among the ashes.

Christopher Tydeman is a SoulFullHeart facilitator. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

From Wounded to Magical: Healing Your Inner Child

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

innerchild

The term ‘inner child’ has been around for decades now and most people are familiar with the concept of getting to know the part or aspect of yourself that holds your childhood energy and emotional tones. Because of this familiarity in mainstream culture, people have been more understanding about when we mention that we feel the wounded child in them who, over time and with being felt by them and by us, heals to become frequencies of their magical child.

While the inner child can be suppressed in terms of establishing a….ah well, my magical inner child named Aurora says all this mental stuff is quite boring. She says that the inner children in people aren’t so brainy, logical or rational. They want to have fun! They want to explore! They want cookies! (well it depends on the magical child but this seems to be a universal thing.)

Let me ask Aurora if it’s OK if I share now for a bit and I’ll try not to be so mental about it.

She says, ‘fine’ and, ‘la la la’ and, ‘where’s koda (her dog) so I can pet him?’

Aurora offers me an important reminder though as I’m sitting here trying to think my way through writing an article about this part of ourselves. To not be so in our minds. To enjoy the moment. To truly let in the joy that things we love bring us, whether it is our partners, our pets, our kids, our favorite foods, or our favorite activities. They reconnect us with our innocent and pure essence that we had as children, which got covered over as we grew up by layers of strategy, emotional congestion, and unfelt trauma. They also hold soul expression and gifts as well, especially as they heal and start expressing more of their magical aspects. Some examples are ability to communicate with animals, deep respect and connection with the natural world, psychic capacities including ability to see auras, communication with spirit-based entities in a natural way, natural resonance with the non-dual aspect of reality, etc.

I first felt my inner child when I began a parts differentiation process almost ten years ago. I first found the tone of my “hurt part” through journaling sentence completions “I feel hurt whenever…” The voice and emotional tones of my hurt young part came through very clearly and she called herself Evie. She felt sweet to me but also very heavy and very, very sad. Lonely too. When I asked her to describe the world she lived in, she shared in amazingly accurate detail the bedroom I had when I was in fourth grade, including the canopy bed that I had loved and forgotten about as an adult.

Evie was “stuck” in my bedroom, feeling sad and lonely because my parents had gotten divorced during that time and she was still traumatized by it. Because she hadn’t been felt in a deeply empathetic and heart open way by my parents at that time, she represented the part of me that was still subconsciously wounded and stuck there. And this part of me was subconsciously playing out this pain, sadness, and loneliness in my relationships, especially my romantic ones. Once I became conscious of her through regular journaling dialogues with her, I felt her energy and sadness lighten up considerably. I shared this writing with my facilitators in a group circle and felt her relief and joy at being with a group of such “nice people.”

She also ‘dropped in’ during a few groups to talk directly with my facilitators. Dropping in is not like hypnosis, you are completely conscious and aware of what is happening. You just let this part of you that you have been getting to know through journaling talk to and be felt by other people. I’ve witnessed and facilitated this dropping in process many, many times over the years and I am amazed at how natural, organic, easy, and affective it is for people. And I love it when a serious-looking older man or woman drops into their inner child and becomes animated, young-feeling, and so sweet!

There’s much more I could write about the benefits of getting to know your magical child, yet I’ll let Aurora finish this article out, which seems appropriate.

“Hi! You know my name is Aurora, already. Jillian is right. When she started talking to a different version of me called Evie, I was a very, very sad girl. I felt lots of hurts and didn’t feel like, even though I liked it, that I would ever leave that bedroom. There were lots of barbies and stuffed animals to play with but I was too sad back then to play. But, Jillian is a good mom and we also have the big mom too (the Divine Mother), so I feel happy now almost all the time. Sometimes, especially if Jillian’s daemon Morgaine is around, I’ll go rest or go play somewhere for a while. But also I’ll come out when Jillian goes to the beach with Koda (my favorite thing to do!) or we’ll cook together or watch “Once Upon A Time” which has a evil queen in it but it also has a little boy in it who is also a magical child. I also like the movie, “Babe” very very much. So my life is really good and I have friends too now in the parts like me that Wayne and others have gotten to know. I think you’d like it too. There’s too much serious adult stuff going on and, lots of times, you adults aren’t doing a very good job of it. If you could feel your little boy or girl inside, you probably wouldn’t hurt each other anymore or be so greedy or work so much or be in yucky relationships or hurt children or kill animals.”

Thanks, Aurora, and I just wanted to add that this part of you is already expressing in your life and establishing a conscious connection with them is usually a fairly easy process that we facilitate through journaling dialogue and individual and group sessions. Much easier than getting to know the more strategic and image-based part that we call a persona part and protector-controller, whose job it is to hide, maneuver, and manage perceptions.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.

Shame Spiral: A Part’s Journey

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

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*Note: The following was written by a part of me named Simon. This part of me has been my self-image, my presentation and interface with the world.

 Since I can remember, I have always had a voice in my head that said I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t “man” enough, wasn’t creative enough, the list goes on. Always comparing myself to that which I felt I lacked. “I will never be as confident as THAT person. I could never be as creative as them. Who am I kidding?” The irony I am learning is that those qualities I felt I lacked, are the very ones I might possess in spades. I would get frustrated with myself and then cap my passion sending me into a shame spiral. A flat-lined version of myself.

 The well-intended responses from friends and family never seemed to reach me, either because I just wouldn’t let them in, or they only scratched a surface. I needed someone who had been there. Someone who knew the texture and geography of the feeling space so as to guide me through the pain and not just mask it over. This has been Jillian and Wayne. They have given me space to express my spiral, to see it differently, and to feel through it rather than go around it. It is difficult for others to really go to the place I need to go, because they are afraid of what I might do, or afraid of their own spiral and reluctance to go there. Only when someone has been there and healed it healthfully can you be felt emphatically.

 A song that has come up that I resonate with is Alanis Morisette’s Spiral. The lyrics reflect this mechanism inside that has existed my whole life and maybe other lives. I remember early on in my process I heard this song and I wept as it struck a heart cord. I have come back a few times to this space and wondered why I was feeling this again. Hadn’t I healed this already? I am realizing healing has its own spiral. Each time I heal it moves, but may come back again for whatever purpose to heal again, and again, and again. I have learned that if I do not reach out for help, I get stuck in a suffering loop. Much different than a spiral. In the loop, you feel stuck. Unmoved. Anchored in a pile of shit. I don’t like that feeling. I need to stop the spiral and the only way to do that is to out it when I feel it. I need to out when I have been hurt or when I am angry or when I don’t feel good enough.

 To some that may be a “no brainer”. But for me, it has been a challenge for my own reasons. My life filled with experiences that felt like they cemented that voice with steel barbs. I know that being public with those experiences would be a vulnerable act but I am not there yet. Just doing this is vulnerable enough. I start with today and feel what I am feeling, and then move on to tomorrow and repeat. That is my process. The beginning of my journey. I want to say that if you too feel anchored in a pile of shit and are sinking in it, ask for help. Talk to someone that you feel safe to talk to. Contact Jillian and Wayne and SoulFullHeart. Do Something. Don’t let it stay there. It does you no goddamned good.

 I wanted to leave with the video and lyrics to Alanis’ song and hope they move you as they do me:

“Spiral”

I could be daydreaming but for a moment
And somehow they’re creeping back in
I could be sleeping awakened the torrent
Somehow I get caught in their grips again

And here I am in my shame spiral
I’m sucked in to it again
And I reach out for your benevolent opinion
And you bring the light back in

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

I could be listening to a conversation
The story I’m not even in
These voices have their way when I am unguarded
Suddenly I step in quicksand again

Once again in my shame spiral
I am glad that you’ve weighed in

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

All these judgements, so incisive
Voices left to their devices
This moments narratee is a desperate plea
For slack to be cut to me
Cut to me

Don’t leave me here with all these critical voices
Cause they do their best to bring me down
When I’m alone with all these negative voices
I will need your help to turn them down

Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and to find out about our life assessment session offered over the phone or in person.

Invitation For 2013 And Beyond: The Urgent Need To Awaken Our Emotional Consciousness

Published on by Jelelle Awen3 Comments

By Jillian Vriend

I felt as if I was holding my breath and my heart during the recent short but deadly conflict between Israel and the reigning Hamas government in Gaza.  As many people have offered, it feels that IF the human race is going to experience another world war that the Middle East is the setting most dangerously ripe and ready for it. I felt my usual feelings during any of the wars that have happened during my lifetime: distress, tension, despair, and a deep sorrow that our human consciousness hasn’t been raised enough to end all killing and violence for good, especially killing and violence that happens in the name of God or to defend a religion (even if that’s not the politically stated reason for the conflict.)

I exhaled with relief, as I imagine many others did worldwide, when a cease fire was reached, although I don’t feel that anyone really believes that ending the bombing symbolizes an actual ending to the contention, distrust, and deep disparity that exists between Israel and the Arabs. With both sides seeming to play victim without taking any real responsibility for their actions, the emotional immaturity and deadly density of their need to be right and to “defend themselves and their way of life” will continue to come at the cost of human lives, sanity and peace for their citizens, and be an energetic vacuum of dark energy on the planet (of which there are many others.)

This situation got me more deeply feeling how we are nearing the end of 2012 and about to enter into 2013, a year that has a deep sense of unknown and transition about it. Overall, the state of human consciousness seems to be a dark one (with admittedly some bright spots) that is asking for a deep shift and rebirth into something new. With Mayan prophecies of the world ending in 2012, it does indeed feel as if the world needs to end. Not literally to end, of course, but much of the way that we as humans relate to ourselves, each other, animals, and the planet is deep and crucial need of change.

This is the message that I (and many others who are sensitive to such things) have been feeling is an urgent one that we have been receiving from especially the Divine Mother aspect of God. The Divine Mother may seem to be an unknown or esoteric thing for you, as so much of our orientation toward God has been in a male form with a patriarchal undertone. For those who become conscious of the Mother as a real and moving presence in their lives, there is a sense that it is Her missing energy and influence that has been a deep root cause of many of our problems. The Mother offers us compassion and invites us to feel compassionately about others, even if we chose not to be in relationship with them. This applies both intimately and globally. The Mother invites us to feel our own innocence; how She experiences us as vulnerably her children; and She reflects to us that our essence is one of purity, curiousity, and joy.

Sometimes the Mother, especially in Her Dark Madonna form, presents us with a phoenix cycle, which is a death-rebirth phase that invites us to let go of something that was no longer serving us and arise anew out of the ashes to more deeply inhabit who we were meant to be. I have felt for awhile that the world is going through a sustained phoenix cycle, with all of the tensions, growing pains, and darkness that such a phase requires. I feel that we are being ushered through this cycle in order to arise out of it with awakening hearts, a more compassionate consciousness, and a deeper intimacy with both Her and the Divine Father. Coming from the place I do, this is the frame that I put this invitation into, yet you could put it into any that works for you to get a deeper sense of the loving yet necessary crucible of growth that we are challenged to inhabit.

We cannot continue on as we have; it’s just not a sustainable, long-term picture that works for any human, animal species, or our planet. The Divine Mother holds that what has been brought out of balance must be put right again. Most of us have become desperately out of balance in our relationships, our emotional maturity, our physical health, our ability to provide for ourselves, our connection to nature and animals, etc. etc.

In SoulFullHeart, we offer that the individual awakening and deepening of your own emotional consciousness is the path to becoming someone who is bettering the situation, not adding to or denying the problems. Emotional consciousness is about becoming aware of your reactions, your choices, your feelings, and your relationships through the lens of parts of you that have been previously only subconscious to you. Making these parts and their reactions an aspect of your everyday reality allows for a much deeper experience of life, including an unearthed desire for authentic intimacy with yourself, with others, and with the Divine. I know that this is a big leap initially to understand, but like any shift in thinking, it takes accepting inside of yourself that something needs to change and how you’ve been currently relating to your life hasn’t been creating the change you most deeply desire (or that the planet needs.) The experience of your parts becomes a quickly growing, self validating one and you need the support of a SFH Facilitator through individual sessions and with others during group weekends for it to really ground in.

As your emotional consciousness deepens and especially as you become aware of your Daemon or Soul Guardian, you begin to experience a much more personal relationship with the Divine which requires no doctrine, church, or middle man to inhabit. It is your birthright as a sacred human and it is through the healing of your soul and emotional wounds that allows it to be claimed.

We feel as more and more people awaken to their emotional consciousness through this process of getting to know their parts, the more possibility and hope grows that things really can shift in the bigger world. One heart opening at a time.

Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more information about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life and to find out about our new life assessment session offered over in person or over the phone.