Tag: Abundance

Being In All That The Moment Has To Offer

Published on by Raphael Awen3 Comments

By Raphael Awen

Using ‘being in the moment’ as a way to not feel something a part of you doesn’t want to feel isn’t being in the moment at all.

It’s being in something else, quite removed from the moment actually. No wonder another part of us hasn’t really gotten on so well with all the ‘be in the moment’ advice.

What if really being in the moment is more to do with a simple willingness to feel all that is moving through in any given moment …..even if it isn’t peaceful, or centered, or loving? Centered, loving and peaceful can only be real if it begins with an acknowledgment of what it isn’t.

After years of doing emotional work and feeling tons of shifts, movements, and corresponding life changes, I still feel the challenge that wants to ‘get to’ the good feelings and skip over what’s actually in front of me. Maybe it’s something built into our DNA that gravitates us towards order out of chaos. But then, order emerges out of and is born from chaos. Chaos is the soil that bliss and order gets its’ definition from, we could say.

We go through our hells to find and live in our heavens. Again and again.

Choosing to become an Ambassador to all that’s really inside of us is the invitation that we are now being invited into. The parts of us that make up our inner being are very keen to feel if this Ambassadorship we are mounting in our lives is an Ambassadorship of true love, or, instead, just another agenda of control and domination in some new shape or form (like duty and obligation, for example).

Another big one, for those of us who have chosen awareness of what we are actually feeling, is readying ourselves for the life changes that our awareness will lead us to. Our Inner Protector will shut down our awareness if that awareness is causing us to cycle in suffering; to get stuck in our hell, rather than finding traction out of the suffering.

All of this is what makes up a Love Ambassadorship. Feeling all there is to feel, not accepting any domination and control agendas (whether they originate inside of us or outside of us) and moving into our higher timelines.

How could any of that really happen if it wasn’t for a true love Ambassadorship inside? Ascension without this Ambassadorship only makes for more undigested trauma to be felt at a later date.

How cool is it to be lessening rather than adding to the ‘trauma to be felt’ list? Then, and maybe only then, can we, as the love that we are, more fully be in the blissful moments we are all wired to crave and gravitate towards.

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/bridging-session

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Supermoon’s Invitation: “Just Feel”

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

The best advice I can find for myself in navigating these Supermoon energies is ‘just feel’.

My whole life journey can be seen from a perspective of seeing what I might call my ‘pre-feeling’ era, my ‘feeling’ era of all that was backed up and denied, and then to now, my ‘living in feeling’ era. Sometimes, those patterns repeat themselves in a current week or even a day, so it’s not like it’s a watertight completion of any phase, but I can say, for me, that my life is very different having moved through these phases of orientation to life.

I recall sharing with a trusted space holder during my intense phase of deep feeling about an attraction that I was feeling to a woman and what feelings were being pushed up because of it. He took all I shared into his heart and replied ‘just feel it’. That advice rings in my heart today as the most valued words he ever shared with me. It might sound a bit diminutive at first, but really, the opposite is true. Oftentimes, we mentalize a mountain of possible scenarios, reactions, even talking about feelings, while we are still on our way to actually feeling that something.

I can say from where I live and breathe today, that I’ve given my whole life to wanting to really feel all there is to feel. Leaving the once treasured shores of my pre-feeling era, I found like Job said in the Bible, ‘that which I greatly feared has come upon me’ meaning that, there was good reason behind my era of not-feeling. To open myself to feeling was to tear down my constructed life as I knew it, subjecting myself to all manner of unpredictable change. I found however that the waves were self-lovingly manageable, that somehow feeling had its own super intelligence built in to hold all chaos that was pushed up in the process, even while in the middle of any meltdowns. It actually finally felt really good to feel, even if the feeling was a kind of hell.

The Supermoons offer an amped up portal to our feelings. If someone is in a pretty much watertight place of not-feeling, they’ll drift through the phase without much awareness, and just see it as random circumstance – ‘good days, bad days, we all have ‘em’ kind of picture. For those who’ve let go of their own personal not-feeling orientation to life, then these energies push up a what can feel like a ‘shit-ton of shit to feel’ as a reactive part of us might put it, feeling some victimized by the waves, possibly resenting the loss of the good old days where life just was, without all this chaos of feeling.

As I earned my stripes, bumps, and bruises in this lifestyle choice of feeling first, I found that the advice to just feel, can be applied to any and every reaction along the way. I found I could feel the part of me in mourning for the loss of what it felt were better less conscious days, if that’s what came up to feel. I found I could feel and be conscious of any wave of anxiety or depression moving through any part of me and feel what was underneath it. I can feel today the part of me asking questions about what this Supermoon of energy has yet to open me out to.

Whether it’s intense body pain reactions, huge rumbles in relationships, career careening out of control, or anything else it feels like the Supermoon is throwing at you, I believe we are simply and foremostly being asked to just feel.

‘Just feel’ will take us where we need to go with all the self loving debriefings and digestions right on time.

Jelelle Awen and I will be live streaming today at 1:11 pm – Vancouver City Time (PDT) on our SoulFullheart page: https://www.facebook.com/soulfullheartwayoflife/

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/bridging-session

Photo courtesy of Jeffrey Eisen on Unsplash

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Feeling Gratitude For My Highest Timeline Manifestation

Published on by Jelelle Awen2 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

For the first time in five years, I have a dedicated space/room for doing recordings, video series (more about my 33 Day one starting on January 1st coming soon) and SoulFullHeart sessions…..both remotely AND in person! I just feel so grateful for this higher timeline manifestation and opportunity to serve love. My dog Koda likes the new space too as he can settle in now to move energy…which he does in every session. 

This is so much due to the support of my beautiful community and the amazing, brave, soul and heart HUGE women I am honored to work with! This is also the house for which we will host our five day retreat in February, which you can read more about here: https://www.facebook.com/events/381861869219826/

We are all letting in the massive goodness that we are experiencing since moving here to Victoria, BC, Canada from Mexico NOT EVEN two months ago! So much manifestation coming our way…including now a household full of furniture (most of it FREE and yet in good shape still), winter clothing, a wonderful, affordable van, new alchemy in SoulFullHeart and other money earning opportunities, and new people connections too!

This is what it feels like when you move into your Higher Timeline service of love….the Divine gifts you with whatever you need to see it through, to live it, and to experience it. I have envisioned and energized this timeline for YEARS now….one step at a time, some of them feeling like backwards steps yet ultimately moving forward. I have given up my belongings, geographies, and relationships many times in order to align more with my higher soul purpose…….with increasing trust and surrender along the way. This has taken much negotiation and feeling out with parts of myself and soul to BE here now.

And I know that I could NOT have done this without the love and resonance of this community of souls/hearts around me, especially my counterpart soulmate Raphael Awen….who has been on this journey with me for ten years now, always seeming to trust where my vision is leading us while he also grounds us both into the most nourishing heart frequencies in order to help make it happen.

This is also what the completion of 2018 and the year 2019 is offering you….a more LIVED IN and LOVED IN experience of your highest timeline…of your ‘dreams coming true.’ As I write this to you from the house of my dreams (very literally), I can attest that this is a powerful time/phase for manifestation if your heart/soul is ready for it!

If you’d like to experience a 1:1 session with me or other SoulFullHeart Facilitator over zoom or in person for $55 USD/$72 CAD minimum donation for 90 minutes, more info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Jelelle Awen

Meet Your Inner Protector – A Guided Meditation With Raphael Awen

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

Every day, we find people getting magically introduced to their Inner Protector and beginning a journey of self discovery and awakening to their emotional body, that opens out connection to the Inner Child, Galactic Awakening and Multidimensionality. I invite you to enjoy this short guided meditation below to get introduced to your Inner Protector.

From the video description:
“Your Inner Protector is your most loyal guard, who watches over your other parts and protects your ‘inner castle’ or essence. Conscious connection with this part/subpersonality of yourself allows for more openness to make life changes, letting in of ascension/awakening energies, opening of your heart, and access to other parts of you who need you!

In this video, SoulFullHeart Teacher and Facilitator Raphael Awen leads you in a guided meditation to meet your Inner Protector and begin this precious connection. This video is filmed in a regional park in New Lemuria Victoria, BC, Canada. Enjoy the tree codes and getting the opportunity to meet this important part of yourself!”

If I can be of further assistance, I’d love to hear from you. More on sessions here at http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Service Of Love Invites You To ‘Come As You Are’

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

By Kalayna Colibri

As I was cleaning and packing the other day while listening to music, a certain Christmas song came on (yes, a tad early, but the message from the Divine was in perfect time). It was Little Drummer Boy. A personal favorite.

This particular time that I heard this song, I was debating about ‘what to do’ with certain things I was thinking of packing or maybe discarding, having already donated the majority of what I ‘owned’. This was the final series of choices to make in this final round of packing up for our move back to Canada. This entire process of moving has been one of deep preparation, inside and out. It’s been a lot to hold, especially, in moments, the letting go or keeping of items or clothing, as I’ve learned about myself that sometimes I seem to attach to ‘things’ as love… as reassurance that I and everything in my world will be OK. That I would know for sure I was provided for. Suddenly, I paused to take in the feeling tones of the song that was playing… and wept.

Many backed up tears of this and that washed over me and through me. I felt the Divine invite me to feel the message of the Little Drummer Boy. All he had was his music. All he could do for the baby, which in this moment I could feel was really Love itself and service of love too, was play his drum. He had no expensive gifts to offer. No ‘things’ that would seem fit to give.

I felt how this was about my relationship to the love that I am and the love I want to share and serve too. It was representative of my relationship to love… the giving and receiving of it. For with love, through love and as love, we ARE provided for. We ARE able to show up and respond in order to receive what we need.

In that moment, I felt how no matter what I decided to take with me to Canada, my real intention and purpose in going, is to serve love. To do that, all I need is me. Everything else, every thing I might ‘need’ for my survival and even thrival, could be bought, borrowed, earned in exchange somehow.

I wanted to share this movement because it feels so important and apt for the times we are in and the energies that are moving through… if we are ultimately to serve love somehow, whatever that means and whatever the means we use to do that, then we have nothing in particular that we need to have or attain to do so. We are being invited now and always to ‘come as we are’. And my god… if we aren’t so loved beyond any imagining within all of that.

Much love to you, with you, and through you too! ❤️

Photo by Elijah Macleod via unsplash.com

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Our Fear Of Life

Published on by Raphael Awen5 Comments

By Raphael Awen

Our greatest fear isn’t about our death, but rather about our infinitude.

Death is simply another birth into the great unknown of our never ending being and the universe it expresses in. To accept that is to be in reverence, awe and wonder, which is to really live.

To accept that is to accept your struggle with that. You don’t really ‘get’ that and neither do I.

Death and life are a great mystery that the universe itself and the divine itself is still busy exploring and it is exploring it through you and me.

Death and life are inseparable from each other, as every moment, every relationship, every being that expresses, expresses as a surrender to this mystery of death and rebirth.

Living our lives in avoidance of death or repulsion to death is to reject life itself, for life isn’t possible without death. Coming to terms with our physical death can help us come to terms with the many deaths of our lives, which in turn is the only thing that can offer us a healthy entry into our next stage and place in life.

You must leave in order to enter. We get to have life because we are willing to let it go. What makes any moment truly alive is to feel that moment’s life and its death in the same space. I enter it with a reverence that I must in turn leave it and its imprint on me as well as what I imprinted it with. Every thing and every relationship I enter, I must ultimately leave.

Every Joy contains a sorrow. Realizing this is key to navigating both, and key to leaving behind a flatlined existence where both our joys and sorrows are muted, in favor of a more managed/controlled reality, that is void of deeply truly living.

If life is anything, it is reverence. To revere something is to fear it. To truly fear something is to be in awe of it, to respect it on a deep heart and soul level, to fear losing it. What we really fear losing is not our lives, but losing the real connection with life within our life. Regaining that is about accepting all of our reality, even if we fall so short of understanding it. It’s about feeling it, not ‘knowing’ it in any mental or philosophical sense.

Finding and feeling the part(s) of you who hold your relationship to death and rebirth is the single deepest thing you can do to embrace growth, movement and change in your life. Parts of you are stuck in their relationship to death, and can only move from the fear that grips them if and when they are afforded a digestion of their fears.

I wrote the above article a year ago today, and it feels timely again as we have just surrendered to a big death and rebirth experience in choosing to return to Canada and feel and face all the questions about the outcome. In our first three weeks here, we have already experienced so much more than we had quite prepared for in terms of goodness and synchronicity/support from the universe. There is a digestion now about how we collectively not only fear negative outcomes, but how we actually fear deeply positive outcomes as they set the bar higher and create a whole new vibration of reality to acclimate to. More letting go, in order to let in.

I offer space holding for individuals that want to explore the deeper terrains of their relationship to life and adventure; their relationship to their undigested and unfelt traumas and how those affect their lives now. More can be found here at our sessions page: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

The picture below is from a recent walk close to our new home where I felt the trees holding space of welcome – a choir of love and embrace – all loaded with trust and a yin-like surrender to having all of their needs met, grounded in Gaia, and not being afraid of death and rebirth.

Much love,

Raphael

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Returning To Source

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

Is there a way we could embrace suicide somehow, yet without doing any harm to ourselves?

A Tribute To Wayne:

I began going by my middle name of Wayne in 2008, after some deep life changes rocked through my world. People who knew and loved me as Marvin, my given first name, had a hard time with me now going by Wayne. Wayne wasn’t Marvin. My life wasn’t what it had been.

Wayne was a new arising me who could leave entire well constructed worlds behind in search of new ones, when he knew the old worlds were completing.

I had been going by the name of Wayne for only a few weeks when I again chose to connect with Jelelle (then Jillian) and to fully explore open hearted romance. That soon involved leaving Canada behind, moving to California, not quite legally, then getting banned from the US, reordering our world back to Canada, even choosing to go through bankruptcy a few years later. It was all adventure and expansion and Wayne loved every bit of it, even feeling the kickups of anxiety that the edges of that aliveness also pushed up.

Chapter after life chapter unfolded taking him and us to change so much of life as I had known it. I left my too familiar hometown behind and chose to live in new places close to the ocean that reflected the aliveness and changes on the inside. My relationship with a career in its third decade was thinned out as I embraced more and more the call and desire to co-found SoulFullHeart together with Jillian.

After 6 years together, the desire and call came to relocate to Mexico, to quite simply load the van and go. Wayne did just that, along with Jillian, and Kathleen and Christian (Kalayna and Gabriel) and then adjusted to a ton of newness and exploration on an offgrid ranch attempting growing our own food and cob building in a very foreign setting on what felt like less than a shoestring budget, in terms of both money and know how; and all of that while remaining in deep heart and soul connection with Jillian, along with our tiny community, and the desire to birth SoulFullHeart into the world more and more. In many ways the universe led us through a great death and rebirth phase and Wayne was my personal tour guide for the duration.

Then came a time of feeling another layer of aliveness that wasn’t Wayne arising in me, and I chose to go by the name, Raphael. The name change was much easier this time as I was only in contact with a few local Mexicans and my closest beloveds at the ranch who fully supported my name change. Wayne felt like a beloved part of me who was stepping back now from leading my life as I, Raphael, was holding a yet again new frequency of relationship to life. Wayne felt like his time as me, as my leading edge, was completing.

Wayne was the one who could hold and manage the practical with a deeply open heart, and love the edges and challenges that arose. Wayne was the one who could embrace deeply the deep feminine in his beloved and in himself, even when he was confounded by it. Wayne was able to claim what he wanted and let go of what he didn’t want.

I felt my relationship to Wayne wane over time (pun intended). He took a mostly backseat in my life as I as Raphael now held life and him as a beloved part of me. Then as our recent choice to move back to Canada arose for us, I felt some distinct Wayne tones arise sharply in my consciousness.

As I felt so many exciting new things coming into my life, I strangely also had some strong constricted moments of feeling anxious. Being out shopping for familiar foods with a very excited Jelelle and Raianna, I felt myself struggling to find my joy or excitement and instead wanted to save money. Beneath the anxiety about outcomes, I could feel a deep tiredness coming from somewhere inside of me to be ‘doing it all over again’. I tried to breathe through and manage these feelings as understandable given the degree of life change underway, yet the feelings persisted to where I could so clearly feel a part of me not on board with where I found myself now.

I checked in with Wayne and could so feel this as him, trying on one hand to summon the energy to continue and at the same time, so not wanting to. When I picked up pen and paper yesterday to journal with Wayne, I asked him about his feelings and what he told me was that he had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to return back to Source, and that he didn’t feel connected or energized towards our new Canada timeline, try as he may. He told me that he felt complete with the lifetime lived out in the past 13 years and now so wanted to go deeply into the embrace of the Divine Mother. I wept wave after wave of deep tears together with him feeling a deep completion and then I felt at odds about where to lead him next. I shared the experience with Jelelle and Raianna later in the day, who both shared my tears and deep realization, both of whom knew and loved Wayne so dearly. Jelelle offered that he was free to go; to be beautifully and ceremoniously released to return back to source; to ‘pass away’ from this dimension and go onwards to his next dimensions of exploration and journey; that his work was done, and so well done at that; that his reward awaited him.

We released Wayne right there, sitting at the kitchen table, and felt him go, leaving now from his home territory of Canada. It’s only been a nights digestion and yet I feel so much lighter. I can feel Wayne in transit and can still feel a heart chord with him, that feels like it never needs to go away, a chord of supply from the source that he returns to, from the arms of the Divine Mother whose embrace he chose to be deeper enfolded in.

I can feel him now removed from this practical third dimension and yet so practical at the same time, wanting to create a logistics shipping company that can transport goods and services between the dimensions like a well oiled machine, in a yin feminine kind of way.

I can feel my heart as Raphael ready to take on the new beginnings of starting all over again with a feeling of joy and opportunity, rather than a fear or anxiety of not being enough for this next chapter.

My heart tells me that it’s totally natural to have parts of us complete their timelines here and to be able to release them without ending our physical lives. We need not fuse to their feelings in a result of suicide, but instead hold heart space for their feelings to move through us – their gifts being received and them being allowed to go onwards, with a new version of ourselves being supported by the Divine to hold the larger context and timing of our sacred earth tour.

Thank you for feeling this tribute to Wayne.

May you know also the parts of you that need their advent and return through the vehicle of your earth journey.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

It All Comes Down To Letting IN

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

It all comes down to letting in. Letting in what wants to come to each of us when we are ready for it. When we can feel and love the parts of us that resist it so. Hard to believe that could be true! But when I sit with my selves and really tap into my heart I can feel and see the places where love and worth get stopped up. There is a so much in our soul’s merkaba that we are not totally conscious of that can create this block out of fear and unworth.

Kalayna and I are taking this all in during our anniversary time together. It is a gift to ourselves and our parts. It fuels the inner hearth so that we can offer the overflow back out into the collective through those that we serve both physically and virtually. We chose a path of actively collapsing timelines to re-emerge into a new one that lets in more trust, gratitude, love, and abundance in the name of service and ambassadorship. No longer will we accept anything less than what we feel we deserve and desire.

We are embarking on something new together but also with those that are on similar paths and trajectories. Our passion is to steward and bridge New Earth Now into our heart, body, and soul and serve that back out into the grids. Thank you all for being a part of this journey with us. We continue to offer the healing path that has given us so much in return. Much love to you from our soulful hearts to yours.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Power Of Creation Through Words

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

I’m feeling how our thoughts take on the power of our words.

The words that come off of our lips and tongue are literally a waveform of vibration that go on to manifest according to the seed of those words. The root word of The word ‘language’ is ‘lingua’, which roughly translated means ‘flapper’. Strangely, or maybe not so strangely, this same root word is present in the word, ‘lingham’ which is another waveform flapper that probes and beacons into the world to create new realities that didn’t exist before.

Both of these ‘flappers’ or waveform generators need the fertile ground of the feminine dance to actually create new worlds, but this feminine is the abundant ground of desire and feeling, that readily takes this sleepy power and alchemizes it into a waking reality, regardless of our awareness of it or not.

What all this means has something to do with the fact that you are creating a whole lot more than part of you has been willing to recognize. And what’s getting more intense, is that this subtle power has moved even more intensely not just to the creative power of our words, but also of our thoughts. Our words are seeded by our thoughts, and our thoughts arise from parts of ourselves and their reality.

What we are invited to feel is how our thoughts are all the waveform vibrations of specific parts of ourselves, that make up what we’ve thought of as ‘us’. You are a make up of parts and those parts each have a signature waveform vibration of relating to reality, and when you tune in this waveform, you give them the gift of feeling felt – a rich feeling of landing in a warm heart.

Now, this waveform vibration of thought is no longer just manifesting haphazardly and running amuck in our lives. We get to filter with the heart of our emerging Higher Self awareness each of these thought waveforms and love them, feel them, transmute them into new waveforms to manifest according to our Higher Heart.

What thoughts flowing through you are asking your attention and love?

Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

A Letter To Men, And To The Sacred Masculine Within Each Of Us

Published on by Raphael Awen4 Comments

By Raphael Awen

I’ve been feeling into a push-pull kind of feeling inside of myself in regards to serving men. Consciously, I’ve been waiting and wanting to serve men, and wondering why they are slow to respond. Subconsciously, I was recently guided to feel if there’s a part of me or my Metasoul who is reticent to serve men, and thus creates an energy field of repelling men away, or possibly, works as some kind of invisibility shield where men are concerned to what I offer.

I am brought back in my memory to an aspect in my Metasoul that was/is in the Atlantis timeline, named Mordecai. I felt him originally as a counterpart soul mate to a part that Jelelle uncovered in her Atlantis timeline. Since that initial brief contact, my awareness and process with him became elusive as it seems this aspect of my soul was hunkered down in a place of penance over his regrets of what he was directly involved in and responsible for during the fall of Atlantis.

I write to transparently share his and my story as a reaching out to men. What holds any one of us back from our true and deep (even infinite) potential? Why would we settle for good enough, or worse, for ongoing suffering? Why would we believe, and then go on to manifest according to that belief, that this is ‘as good as it gets’?

As I feel into Mordecai’s reticence to come forward to be felt, and his shame and penance, I feel a wall of shame for having been compromised by dealing with dark forces/beings like the Draco, who manipulated with shiny benefits in exchange for achieving dominance. Mordecai gave over his sovereignty and autonomy to a group of beings that he was deceived into believing that they would be to the fulfillment of his power, rather than to the diminishment of it. As painful and as wrong as that was, it wasn’t just Mordecai’s own fate that was embroiled in these ‘dealings with the devil’, but the fate of an entire civilization as he was given great and powerful leadership and trust by the people in the Atlantis timeline. It cuts like a knife now to feel so deeply how this could have been different had he not abused that trust and power given to him, had he chose differently. The story of why and how it all came to be is now a murky soup of questions and regrets that any after the game armchair quarterbacking only makes for more questions than real answers. What has remained immovable is the remainder – the non-divisible leftover of regret and torment for having been responsible for so much loss.

As I relate this to my own life story, I see how my draw to Christianity earlier this life has for Mordecai, had much to do with seeking of forgiveness, and also give up my sovereignty to God, to surrender it to the divine as a way to not have to face the possibility of messing it up like that ever again.

I see also, how in my career choice, while I had longings and aspirations to places of influence and leadership inside of my truer passion purpose and gifts of teaching and healing, and leading a cavalry of men, I humbly settled for earning my living as a contractor, maintaining peoples homes, where this part of me could feel assured that we wouldn’t ever again be a part of the harm we were directly involved in Atlantis. I always inevitably came to a wall of feeling bigger and constantly outgrowing the group or paradigm I was working hard to surrender to and serve in some way.

Thirteen years ago, after years of process and wrestling with just what my truth was, I came to what was yet a sudden and surprising realization for many parts of me that I was done with Christianity, that I was not in my truth to pretend that I could integrously remain a part of it. Trouble was though, that my entire social world was totally invested there. All friends, family, wife of 23 years to the week, and late teenage beloved daughters were not feeling anything of what I was inclined to. I knew very well enough what the stakes were. I chose to utter the words quietly aloud to a few around me that I no longer held Jesus as my personal savior and that one admission was enough to dissolve the foundations of my life as I’d known it up until that time, and launch a path into a complete unknown.

Now, I can feel Mordecai’s pain around this too. His need to hunker down in a shoebox container of a safe tradition and attempt to eke out a penance of an existence caused yet another meltdown, another destruction, and more heart wrenching pain to others.

Staying small however is simply running completely out of ground. There is nowhere to turn, but to live into my true bigness. I’ve known this for a long time, and have repeatedly chosen it time and time again, but, as I said, it has been met with mixed results where drawing and inspiring like minded and hearted men is concerned. I feel now where this has had to do with Mordecai’s unresolved and unfelt pain.

I was able to take this reality of limited external influence to deepen into what moves in my soul and brings me to his place today. It has brought me to feeling every barrier to being love and serving love that lives in me. I’m not under any illusion that I don’t have more of these places to feel, that will arise in relationship with others and time.

This resistance to love however is not what disqualifies me, but rather what qualifies me, as I am willing to feel out loud and transparently what arises as it arises. In this way, in each of our individual healing journeys, as it is held and revealed to us and our world, we ‘trans-parent’ a new world into being; one that never existed before, but only in energy and spirit form inside of us. This world of what once existed only in energy and spirit is now materializing from the great Mother/‘Mater’ that we are.

Atlantis was great beyond imagination, but also buried in her foundations were compromises that would compromise her and bring about her eventual demise.

I feel how Mordecai has lived inside of my soul field in my Metasoul as a quiet, and reticent, but always in deep observance and amazement of any great undertaking. Stories like the sinking of the Titanic reverberate with so many themes of hubris and power gone to seed; gone to seed a great death and a great rebirth. Every time, I’ve observed a great construction project, I’ve felt both his marvel and his regret; his all too real feeling awareness of the inadequate and shallow foundations underneath it all; how it takes more than physical engineering and patriarchal power structures and culture to uphold any construct; how we cannot sacrifice the feminine and expect the masculine to get its needs met in any kind of true fulfilling way.

I feel how Mordecai is now willing and wanting to accept my proposal to turn his penance and desire to pay back society towards accepting his largesse of being rather than continuing to live into his self prescribed hell of penance and smallness. Now, he is able to feel his more vulnerable need for movement and change over his readiness to suffer in a kind of painful, but invulnerable private diminished world. He knows the greatness that lived and still lives in him. I ask him to consider now, that the true return of the Atlantean treasure to its rightful owners could better be served by his willingness to again inhabit his largesse of being. I ask him to consider how that his remaining small and in invulnerable penance would only be to the ongoing harm and diminishment of many, who long for new timelines and leadership. I feel his awakening and agreement rumbling inside of me. The portal of these times provides clarity, momentum and the logistics necessary to act, to choose, to rise again; to let-in love, to let-out all the tears that get need to be shed and dearly felt in so doing.

I feel my native hunger that has always lived in me to find the fellow knights of my round table. I feel my Metasoul connection also to the Arthurian legend and timeline, that is only called legend by those who lack another name for it; the name of now. Arthur is now. Mordecai is now. It’s all available and waiting in the Now.

Now, the memory turns into a rememberance, a ‘being re-membered together with’, with those we were dis-membered from; all of it in service of a perfect creation of worlds that haven’t existed before, but await our readiness and power.

I write to men. I call to men. I write to the Sacred Masculine that lives in men and women alike. I declare my desire and readiness along with acknowledging at the same time my reticence to serve men, and this reticent Masculine; in order to serve my highest timeline. Nothing needs to be overcome or suppressed in order to achieve in these new arising domains of being, but instead lovingly embraced as the seed of our ever present infinite being out experiencing a full drama of leaving and then returning to the fullness we always were and are, but couldn’t quite come to know and feel, until we enter this Now.

I invite men into this journey that I have undertaken, that I have chosen and found a path into, if it resonates and calls to you, not as my truth, but as a manifestation of your truth. What is your next step? Could association with me and my beloveds serve your arising being?

I know your choice of your next step and Higher timeline will serve my arising being! I long to serve and to be around the true and Sacred Masculine that is willing to move with the changes and callings that are arising Now.

Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Please check out the link above to see if a 90 minute process and Bridging Session with myself offered in exchange for a minimum donation of $55 USD is a fit for you, and your next step.

You can also connect with Gabriel, Kalayna, or Jelelle as you are drawn to our offerings.

Maybe, a Session together isn’t what is a fit for you, or what is possible for you financially right now, but you feel a clear draw to our energy. We welcome your association with us through our many online free offerings. We welcome your exchange of energy with us for what you are receiving and for the movements you are experiencing riding on our bus. Make us your home as you are able. We’re busy making space!

 

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.