Category: Change and Transformation

The Loss Of Our Original Estate

Published on by Raphael Awen3 Comments

By Raphael Awen

A wave of some really deep tears moved through for me yesterday.

The feelings began with some initial feelings of missing people and places from my past, but didn’t linger long there, as it seems I’ve felt so much of what needed to be felt in those domains. It was like passing through a small town, and before I knew it. I was coming out the other side.

What was on the other side was deeper feelings of a deeper missing. I could feel that I came from a Star family, and that it was connection and exchange with this family that I was missing on a deeper level.

My life here on Gaia was and is a chosen journey intended for certain benefits. The requirement however to be able to be here to complete the journey was and is however a necessary forgetting. Like an anesthetic or a freezing procedure when going to the dentist, we needed to forget our deeper identity in order to inhabit a lesser identity. We call this forgetting the veil.

Through waves of tears, I felt an ache to see and live beyond this veil. The ache felt intense, yet I could feel I was being asked to let in as much of the ache as I could comfortably bear. As I opened my third eye for a moment, I felt an entire surround of ‘alien’ beings, looking at me, curious about what I was feeling, with me likewise, curious about them. This necessary forgetfulness veil I could sense had a lot to do with us coming up with the conviction that we are the only ones out here, as well as our selection and use of the word ‘alien’, denoting others who don’t belong.

The tears filled a couple of hours and I was wanting to find the outbreath of comfort for what I was feeling. I asked for help from the middle of this cloud of ache, and the fear of not ever finding my way back home.

A deeper awareness filled me then. I was made aware that this ache to remember is what is at root of all of our differences and animosities with each other, even all war and conflict, with self and with other. This ache to remember also has to do with all of our so called ‘attachments’. It all comes back to a cellular kind of memory of a feeling of having deeply lost an even deeper family than our Star family, stemming back all the way to the loss of our original estate. (More on this below, it’s a bit hard to be linear in the moment)

We attach to lesser states for fear of recapitulating (triggering) this loss. We feel that to feel this loss would surely be the loss of us, so we busy ourselves with protecting and building a lesser estate, to keep the roof patched from the rain of remembrance from dripping through,…this lesser estate hopefully assuaging the pain of the loss of our original estate, that we aren’t ready to feel.

Then, I was given an awareness that this source of all our conflict also happens to be our deepest common denominator. We conflict in order to avoid further loss and to avoid feeling where we actually came from.

What we are as beings is an alteration of a higher reality. We are real as real can be, but we are an alteration of a parent reality. We long to know and feel that parent reality intimately. This is the truth of every one of us Gaians, with all of our differences. It’s also true of everyone of the multitude of other Star families, with all of their differences. We are all alterations of a parent reality, and therein lies our suffering.

These were the deeper tears, the great collective tears I was invited into the aching room somewhere near the heart of the universe to feel.

When we feel this profound commonality that we share with all being, and the veil of forgetfulness that necessitated our inhabitation of this alteration and seeming departure from our parent reality, we see our oneness with all being.

We even see that the bullies on the playground are actually seeking the very same things we are, just going about it differently.

Then I was given a great sense that we are all, every last one of us, from every last domain, all finding our way back home simultaneously. No one gets ‘left behind’. This came as a great comfort to the parts of me and my Metasoul who still hold the fear of just that: not finding my (and their) fullest return to Source.

Somehow, some way, for specific beneficial reasons, we choose this, and we are all suffering from the same loss, and enduring the same awakening.

After a nights sleep to digest, I feel about as born again as I ever have, being invited into a vulnerable and brave new world.

It’s not that there still isn’t lots to be remembered. It’s that I get to savor each morsel of remembering with less fear of having to rush through the meal.

I never actually lost an ounce of the sacredness of my being, it has only felt that way. There are no ‘aliens’, but only others who at core, share the same core identical fears and desires as I. Wow!

Thank you for reading. Thank you for feeling.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

March Energies Update: Cellular Clearings And Healthy Transitions In Diet And Habits To Let In More Light

Published on by Jelelle Awen5 Comments
By Jelelle Awen

Cellular clearings going on at the physical and emotional body levels to let in these codes coming from the strong SOULar winds yesterday and today. These clearings happen in the 3D bodies of our 3D Self in the memory stored in our every living cell. The clearings act as a detoxifying process to make room for the PURE love and light to come in. The transition from dense carbon to crystalline in which our body is acting as a receiver and transmitter of light.

These clearings can show up in addition to the usual adjustments to SOULar activities, such as dizziness, shift in sleep patterns, headaches and body muscle pains, nausea. This may be happening for you if you previously engaged in toxic activities with your body such as drug and alcohol overuse, cigarette smoking, eating lots of processed foods. I feel that eating animals is another toxicity that has to be cleared from the cells as the killing and fear frequency stores there. The choice to no longer eat animals is a BIG boost in your ascension process and much more light can come in if you transition to this. I have been guided so many times in this by Star BEing/Higher Dimensional aspects and the Divine Mother that ingesting any BEing that has been killed lowers your vibrational frequency. Once parts of you let go of the ‘comfort’ that eating meat can represent, then some other parts of you (such as the Inner Child) can come in to feel how much they have actually resisted it and not liked it. Now is a wonderful time to make the transition as the high SOULar energies will support it….and there are so many amazing meat substitutes now that really taste great.

I am going through another round of cellular clearing from smoking for 15 years. Even though I have not smoked in many years, the memory of all those cigarettes is stored in my cells. I am also feeling more of the soul reasons that I smoked after a long time of feeling and healing the emotional reasons. Another layer is being pushed up to clear by these SOULar energies. Also, activity in the lungs and throat and chest is a sign of Higher Heart activation as our capacity to breathe in and out the heart cries of the world and for ourselves grows and expands.

Smoking is another activity that I’ve been guided is based in a place of unworthiness and numbing of anxiety for parts of us. It can also be connected to the Inner Punisher part and the corresponding shame that comes up. It also lowers your vibrational frequency as you are literally inhaling killing toxicities into your lungs. How could this NOT impact your frequency? Even vapors and e-cigarettes feel like they are part of the same root unworthiness. Sometimes smoking is used as a self protection to keep you ‘small’ and ‘safe’ and from going to your next level in soul bigness. Negotiating with the parts of you that need smoking and why can help a lot with quitting. This is how I was finally able to after so many years of doing it. Once I started parts work and connected with parts of me and they were getting felt by me and love from me, they didn’t look to the cigarettes for comfort anymore and were able to stop.

I feel we are being pressed by these Divine energies to choose the most self loving lifestyles that we can. This is not offered in judgement of us, yet rather in sympathy to how challenging it has been to be in such density and how we have needed these things to anchor us here. As Gaia’s frequencies become so much more porous, we get to adjust along with her and it becomes more easy to give up the denser frequency foods and habits. It becomes more appealing to eat foods with the highest light quotients, such as fruit and vegetables. To move our bodies regularly and lovingly with yoga, stretching, etc. To abstain from consuming things that are toxic and bad for us. This is a big aspect of living New Gaia/Earth Now in our everyday reality.

Be gentle with these transitions and the parts of you that may struggle with them. The chemical dependency may move out fast from your body as it does not actually want anything that isn’t healthy for it. It is the more deeply rooted emotional body attachments and conditionings and woundings that can be much more challenging for parts of you. Self loving compassion and negotiation can go in deep here. This isn’t about will power as much as it about a self lovingly led invitation to BE healthy on all levels that includes your body vessel. We offer spaceholding sessions and programs to support you in these transitions as well. More info at soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Be gentle, yes, with yourself and your body the next few days as it feels like these SOULar activities continue. Check in with your body to see what it is telling you that it most wants and needs that serves too your highest timeline manifestation of it becoming truly your light body vehicle. Every living cell is shifting and love makes it ALL possible!

Here is another writing I did on cellular clearing: https://soulfullheartblog.com/2017/10/06/major-cellular-clearing-going-on-for-every-living-cell-in-the-body/

~
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Activation Of Your Ascension Chakra Vortexes Guided Meditation W/Raphael and Jelelle Awen (Video)

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

Our Unity Meditation call on Wednesday was our largest one yet with 40+ souls signed up and 26 joining in on the energy exchange in the moment. It was palpable to me, this coming together in intention and connection to tap into the Equinox frequencies and New Earth…even with those souls who choose not to share that day or could only join us for a little while. I feel it amplified the energies that were available through Raphael Awen and I during the guided meditation. People shared a sense of high energy, being energized…..or, they fell into a peaceful sleep that lasted the whole time! I always trust these things as what can be let in at whatever levels of consciousness is….and through the filter/lens of the Protector self.

The results and experience of this unity meditation call inspired us to offer them about every ten days or coordinating to any major cosmic events, portal openings, Equinoxes/Solstices, etc. We will try to have different days/times to catch those in Australia, etc. and also serve those in Europe. We have scheduled two more for April….one on Wednesday, April 4th at 4:00pm CDT (4/4/4) and another on Saturday, April 14th at 11:11am CDT. These will remain free to join in, yet we always welcome donations too as we save up to make our relocation to the Glastonbury, England area this year. Here is more information about these events and you can register for both through eventbrite.

Above is the recording of the guided meditation that Raphael and I led during the Unity Meditation Call. We have put music to it….a piece that I’ve been listening to pretty much constantly the last few days! Here is the music if you want to just take it in: https://youtu.be/B0tsUQaqsWc

And here is the recording of the teachings and the meditation (without music) that we did during the Unity Meditation Call: https://youtu.be/d8XsXAtse0Y

Hope you’ll join us for one of the Unity Meditation Calls coming up to experience some New Earth Now goodies!

~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

 

An Island Unto Yourself: The Loneliness Of 4D Awakening And Ascension

Published on by Gabriel Heartman4 Comments

Ascension and awakening can be a lonely process. Even when surrounded by others there may be a feeling that you are not really there. Not totally present to what is really being said or to the minutia of the day. It can feel like you are in another person’s body, in someone else’s life. All that made sense at one point fails to make much sense anymore. New information, new feelings, new awarenesses are arising. They are coming to the surface by drip or by flood. Though they are not really new….you are just beginning to remember the nature of your BEing.

As you have walked through our conditioned world, the one you subscribed to either fully or partially, you created a world of relationship that matched that conditioning. But as this arising awareness has begun to fill your days there is this visceral chasm that begins to be felt between you and those around you. You may feel like an island unto yourself. This is where you feel the self, or part, that was created to exist in that past environment. Like a special suit that is needed to walk on a distant planet.

This can be hard on the YOU that is in that suit, looking behind those eyes. Feeling behind those words. A tiredness may be coming through. An awareness that you feel like a there is a charade going on. Or you keep bringing your truth only to find it falling short of resonance or curiosity. There is a part of you that may be okay with being introverted. Okay with just being alone. That may be better than all the acting. All the interfacing in a rear view mirror.

It important to feel that this YOU is not alone. There are many that are in similar circumstances and situations. The words may be different but the story is the same. There is a world of resonance INside of you when you find the time and desire to explore. There are a family and community of parts of you awaiting your Higher Heart to come and take them home there. An abundance of resonance that lies in the stars and in the heavens.

There is also family and community HERE. On Gaia. In your frequency. In the State of Authenticity that wants to connect and feel with you. Soul brethren and tribe. While it may be necessary to be alone, with the loneliness, to feel the depths and gifts of it, you are also in need of being seen. Being revered. Being heard. Being challenged to become more and more that which you can feel coursing through your veins. You are never alone in many ways and it can be a hard one for a part of you to truly let in and trust. That is the ground to go into what protects you from diving deeper into that pain and coming out the other side with new vision and new conditions.

This is a reminder from all the guides, ancestors, animal spirits, light beings, and angels that surround us at any given moment. It is also a reminder from one human heart to yours. The journey of awakening is the journey of connecting…one part, one heart, one soul at a time.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Activate Your Personal Sun, Higher Heart And Gaia Ascension Chakras Guided Meditation (Video)

Published on by Jelelle Awen3 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

 

So excited to share this one! This is a guided meditation that I recorded two days ago during these intense ascension energies to help you to bridge to them, activate, ground, and integrate. I got much clearer during this meditation about what I am calling the ascension chakra vortexes that are forming to seemingly replace as an upgrade the previous seven chakra system. Raphael Awen, Kalayna Colibri, and Gabriel Heartman were in the room with me during the meditation and share their experiences afterwards too! I hope you INjoy it and it supports you to navigate and let in your Sacred Human Self that is coming in!

Join us THIS Wednesday for a free Unity Meditation call that will offer similar frequency activations and transmissions of love and integration of your Sacred Humanity along with Unity Consciousness. More information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/455929834824560/

Here is the description of this video:

Jelelle Awen guides you in a meditation to bring in and connect to the current STRONG ascension energies of March 2018. You may fall asleep, feel emotional, feel quite activated or kundalini energy moving through. Jelelle introduces you and connects you to what she feels are the chakra Sacred Human vortexes that are forming in response to the Ascension process, to replace the previous outdated 3D/4D seven chakra system. You connect with your Personal Sun Chakra, about two feet above your head. This chakra is part of the ‘Sun Chakra Vortex’ that includes the merging of the Personal Sun Chakra, Soul Chakra (about one foot above your head), Causal Chakra (behind your head), and Crown Chakra. This chakra vortex provides inspiration, higher timeline possibilities, and Sacred Masculine Activations. Jelelle also shows you some hand positions and even yoga poses to connect with these chakra vortexes.

You connect next with the Higher Heart Chakra Vortex that includes the Crown Chakra, Third Eye, Fifth/throat Chakra, Fourth/Heart Chakra and Third Chakra (that moves from personal will to service of love based). This is a big piece of Ascension and in the energies that are being offered right now from the Divine. You connect your Personal Sun to your Higher Heart to activate your Galactic and Unity Consciousness Heart.

You then connect to your Gaia Chakra Vortex that includes your Third Chakra, Second Chakra, Root Chakra, and Earth Chakra (about one foot below your physical feet). You feel the grounding cord that connects you to Mother Gaia’s energies in all moments. This chakra vortex allows for the grounding of Divine Feminine energies into your ‘lower’ chakras that usually so need them.

As you connect your Personal Sun to your Higher Heart to your Gaia chakra vortexes, you can then feel your 5D Sacred Human template becoming activated and pulsating with love. This is an overlay and template that more and more becomes YOU as you embody your humanity and integrate and ground the ascension energies into your body.

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Subtle Energy for Beginners ~ Day One

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

Ever felt left out of the picture when it comes to experiencing something beyond your five physical senses? I know I have. I could tell the people around me were experiencing something, and yet I couldn’t feel, track or transmit it like they could.

It was maddening. I didn’t doubt it was real; I just couldn’t feel it like I so desperately wanted to.

This ongoing series of blog posts is a love letter to that part of me who was stuck in a perception of being excluded, of being less-than somehow.

My truth today is that we are all energy workers. We are all energy healers. We can all channel. We can all receive and transmit energy. We can all be clairvoyant, clairaudient and clairsentient. We are actually doing these things all the time, but many of us just don’t realize it. In this series, we’re looking to REAL-ize this reality; for you; for the part of you who doesn’t get it; and for those around you.

We’re going to pause on looking to the ‘experts’ for fear of falling prey to the expert mentality; that you need an outside bigger-than-you source. I’m not an expert and don’t ever wish to be one. I’m a beginner and hope to remain that way. I am willing to share with you what I’ve learned thus far, that I think you will find quite profound, but that doesn’t make me an expert. It makes me someone you have authorized to reflect your Higher Self reality so that you can integrate it into your everyday experience. Did you catch that? The authorization comes from you, not me. You are the authority here. Experts don’t like you to know that as it often undermines their need to keep you small and dependent on them. I want you to be big, and I want to be big along with you. In fact, I need to share what I have, and I need to find those interested in what I have to share, in order to keep on growing into my own infinite bigness.

I’ll take that over expertise any day.

We’re going to find that the world of subtle energy isn’t nearly as far removed from us as we’ve been led to believe by our conditioning. It’s all around us in this very moment. We think we lack the ability to tune it, or track it, or transmit it, when what is far more accurate, is that the real lack is not so much in the ability, as it is in the willingness. That’s good news, because willingness is something much more accessible and immediate than ability. Ability admittedly has to do with practice and learning, but what precedes ability is a willingness to try. I think you will be amazed at what meets you as you step out into the captivating world of a genuine childlike willingness to try.

I’ll explore that point more as we go, but suffice it to say for now, that it is how you begin a thing that determines how you finish a thing. We’re beginning with beginner’s mind; the world of not-knowing, where even what we think we already know can be redeemed into the world of utter awe and wonder. From there, we can sail magically deeper and deeper into the unknown. I do suspect however, that while we will grow immensely, we will never reach any coveted certified place of expertise as each new level of discovery and experience causes us to feel an increased sense of NOT how much we know, but instead how much we don’t know.

If you are beginning with a pain of how much you don’t know; how much you don’t experience; how much you long to know and experience something deeper in your everyday waking reality, then you are at the true precipice of creation. You are filling your gas tank for the journey ahead. You won’t get anywhere on an empty tank. The gas is made up of the admission of your desire and your frustration, both of which are sacred, and allowing that to create momentum inside of yourself.

There’ll be resistances to feel and parts of yourself to negotiate with as they fear your departure from consensus reality, and all that could entail in your current relationships with people and life as you’ve known it. This is another good thing. You won’t need to railroad any part of you into some spiritual discipline that turns you into a freak show at the expense of the part of you who likes what it likes in your current life. You can feel and negotiate each change as it unfolds to make room for deeper energetic and emotional experience of a profoundly changing and magical journey into changing the unknown into the known and cycling ever deeper into the unknown.

You get to feel it all as you go. You get to embody and reclaim all of your unique sacred humanity as you go.

Join me for this ongoing series and share with others in the room what you are feeling and experiencing. Let’s take the quest of our deepest questions into the space with the heart and mind of a curious child. Let’s forget what we think we know long enough at least to open our hearts and minds to deeper layers of reality, and then deeper layers yet, beyond those newly discovered layers.

For today’s beginning, let’s remember that there is no greater true expertise than being in and at the beginning. Life and energy is always beginning again, moving and taking us somewhere we haven’t yet been. If we claim any expertise, let it be about knowing how to surrender to not-knowing in our quest to know.

Beginners only need apply. No experience necessary.

Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

March 21 is our Unity Meditation Group Call – details here: Free March Equinox New Earth Activations Unity Meditation Call
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 4 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen Day 4

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 4 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Raphael: Top of the morning crew! Beautiful Motley Crew! It’s 4:44 am on December 24, and I’m feeling good to go again, running on some new high octane adrenaline. How is everyone else doing?, who wants to check in?

Rhodes: Hello Everyone. This is Rhodes. I’m liking the recap yesterday, Raphael, that you started in on of your earliest journey into the whole God awareness thing, which was also my earliest journey this life of awakening. I’m hoping you’ll continue on those stories. I know I was there for all of that, but there is a way, I never felt any of that then. I just was that. What I’m feeling now is the comparison of one on hand, the backdrop of our desires to go to new and expanded places of consciousness that we can’t even quite name or fathom yet, though it’s fun to try for sure, compared with this tension of feeling the past, and overlaying it onto the future, side by side in the Now, and somehow that opens a portal, an entry portal. And until we feel the so called past, then we aren’t done with it. The whole point of the past was the feeling of it, so if we haven’t felt it, we’re not done with it, or it isn’t done with us, and is very much in the Now. That’s what I’m feeling.

Merlin: Rhodes, you’ve been totally holding out on us. That is some really cool shit. The drama of our stories are a storehouse of magic that we’ve collectively been afraid of up till now. The magic contained in our stories gets activated the more we are willing to feel it, but most fear the unknown of their own magic and where it wants to take them. I’m dying to have some fun, and this challenge before us of attempting to connect with the Demiurge feels as exciting as it gets. I do get the need to feel the past, to dial it into the present, to let the past time-travel into the Now, where there is a curious heart for it to land in that wasn’t there before. Hell, take me for instance, I didn’t even know I existed up until recently, till Raphael was willing to realize my reality, bridge me into his dimension, so I could feel my own dimension and then bridge between the two.

Raphael: My goodness, I have to like pause for minutes after one of you speaks to let in the bandwidth of the frequencies you are vibrating at, and even then, I’m hesitant to break the spell. How cool that is! It adds to the adrenaline I’ve been on the past few days adjusting to these new frequencies, since all this started and it is really exciting. Metatron, I have to ask your input before I go back to my journey…

Metatron: I’m luvin’ it. I’m loving the feeling and healing space here. I know all of us have questions about how we are going to gain audience with the Demiurge, and then wondering what his demeanor towards us will be, if and when we do gain audience, and I’m feeling in all of that, a ‘not-knowing our way to knowing’. It’s so freeing to admit our cluelessness and just want what we want. I’ve learned that from watching you actually, Raphael, over and over again, and I never get tired of the lesson. It always comes out in the wash.

Raphael: Morning love fest! Thank you. I’ll take that, with room for more. Yumm.

I’m feeling to ask if there’s any trepidation in the room about us talking so freely about the Demiurge. I mean yesterday, who was it, Jim, right, went off about the Bible being horseshit, and then it went a bit downhill from there…even got Merlin swearing…

Rhodes: I’ll take the bait on that one if I may again. I’m still taking in and remembering what you said Metatron from day one that everything, and everyone, and every last stitch of consciousness, gets its lease from love to have existence. That I feel includes the Demiurge, though it’s taken me a while to get there. If that’s true, that even he’s made of love, then he’s just what we see as a strange pretzeled version of love somehow, that we haven’t figured out yet. I’ll bet, we look kind of strange to him too for that matter, so if he needs to make jokes about us, to himself and his cohorts, like we are about him, then I say that’s all good. I just don’t feel like he’s some big boogeyman that has the power to cave the roof in on our heads for talking freely.

Okay, that was a bit spacious, because not all of me is liking him by any means. He’s fucked over humanity for a long time and that shit needs to stop. Sorry, I just can’t use pretty language to talk about the pain. I still feel a lot of anger for sure about the journey it’s taken to come to this place of a bit of space around my anger.

Raphael: Wow, Rhodes, you nailed a bunch right there. That answered the tension really well, and opens it out too. Thank you.

So, with that then, I think I’ll pick up for a bit from where I left off. This story telling to an interested and curious audience, in all of your ears and in the ears of the Demiurge itself, is moving something in me.

Let’s see, where was I before Jim took over yesterday with his Holy Horseshit Bible comparisons?

Merlin: You were leaving the family church for the chandelier swinging one.

Raphael: Yes, thank you. So I get myself settled into this new church and Bible School, riding my bicycle across town each morning. About 6 or 7 Months later, one bright soul and beautiful woman in the church (whom I’ll call Mar-yam as that name seems to fit her soul) and I get together over some volunteer mission efforts doing graphics in the church office and we hit the ground running. I’m a bit surprised, but it so answers a palpable loneliness that a part of me was consciously wrestling with. Our first date feels great over some higher end pizza. We talk openly and get ourselves squared away on the no-sex thing, even to the point of theorizing together that kissing is a form of sex and that its rightful ‘god ordained’ place is in the context of engagement, as in engaged to be married. I admit, I came up with that one.

So, what we dredged up was that dating is the rightful context for the spirit to come together; engagement is the place for the souls to come together; and marriage is the place for the bodies to come together. We took the whole ‘no sex before marriage’ thing to way overblown proportions that no one was pushing on us. Looking back, it’s so apparent that the one place the parts of us were resonating around was a big discomfort in our sexuality, again, pawning it off as ‘dedication to God’ for safekeeping.

I mentioned yesterday the earlier 11 month relationship from my previous church setting where the bliss so suddenly ended, that was a year or so prior to this one now emerging with Mar-yam. I see now that the undigested pain of not being able to grieve the loss of that earlier bliss, made a part of me feel I had disappointed or displeased God somehow. Her name was Cheryl, and Cheryl and I had kissed like there was no tomorrow, and we must have gotten outside of ‘Gods Order’ somehow, or it wouldn’t have ended so painfully. I so wanted this new relationship to have God’s blessing, as part of me felt there was no room to go through another loss on this level, ever. No room for any more trial and error. Why suffer in error when you can have God’s truth instead?

We had each of our wired-up woundings resonating like two tuning forks that so played into each others dynamics, but also our leading edge desires and dreams were also resonating for sure. An easy closeness and trust unfolded inside of these extra-safe self-imposed boundaries we charted out together. Maryam confided her pain early on around intense sexual abuse by her dad, and a wandering into some sexual promiscuity as a result that preceded her reach out to God.

We shared a big excitement to make our lives ‘really count for God’. Maryam had also recently abandoned an attempt at joining a catholic convent in line with her families church background, and so we both felt excited about being in this new, very different, cutting edge church and bible school that was so set to really go places and achieve big things for God. Maryam was also the church secretary and led aspects of the church services and was a personal friend of the Pastors to boot. We wanted more than anything to serve as teachers and leaders in an adventurous foreign missionary kind of setting, with our new church’s brand of excitement and passion.  ‘Please, God, anything but aimless western living and its values and boredom’.

I’ve since been able to feel several parts of me, and parts of my Metasoul too, who were activated at this time in my life with all the new beginnings. Part of me privately fancied itself more than anything being a great preacher, able to cast spells, of the godly variety, over audiences. I had also completely abandoned before entering bible school, a tech school trajectory where I was fixing to get a technicians certificate for drafting or surveying, to upgrade the kind of work I was doing. God, and the world didn’t need another draftsman. It needed a preacher with the truth! My employer must have agreed, because when things slowed down slightly, I was let go shortly after being talked to for distributing religious ‘tracts’ in the office.

With all those juices flowing right along between Maryam and I, along with the ‘no kissing while dating’ rule, it was only a month before we kissed, and so we both agreed that we were now engaged. We crossed over the line we set for ourselves. She was 24, and I was 21, and we were married after a 5 month engagement with lots of sanctioned kissing. It was a long road to my inner teenager finally getting laid, and to ‘giving my virginity to God’, and to my wife, but it felt great, it felt so right, and with God’s guarantee and blessing to boot! We never looked back, for a long time, until we did, some 20 years later.

Wow…

Metatron: What are you feeling, Raphael?

Raphael: yeah…. feel and heal, feel and heal…

Metatron: I’m just vibing again what I learned from you…

Raphael: Thank you Metatron, time to digest a bit here isn’t it?

As I’m sharing this story, it’s changing me on the inside again. I’m feeling the part of me then, very present in this Now, Marvin, as I was named then, and have since differentiated and gotten to know as a part of me, who so wanted so much, and wanted to bargain with God to get that ‘so much’, who was also afraid to get anything less. ‘I’ll give you all this God, if you’ll give me that’.

I’m also feeling how much pain Marvin carried inside of his bones too that began around being conceived inside of the cocoon of my mom’s deep and unmoving depression, from his very conception, born into my mom’s lineage of feminine suppression under a patriarchal God, with a patriarchal dad, and a patriarchal husband, and a mom and entire social world in similar lockdown. I know that by the time Marvin made it through the gauntlet of his teens, through the these sudden shifts, he wanted to find the ‘lying down in green pastures’ spoken of in Psalm 23. He wanted to find the way to live that was blessed and guaranteed by God. He was so stunningly surprised that the adult world was actually this fucked up, and no one was doing anything about it, though he had now parted with that kind of language, and anything else that could be remotely considered a vice.

Marvin has since gone on to transmute into my Inner Child, and then my Magical Child, and even beyond as I feel him mostly now in my Star-seed Galactic Self that arose recently whom I call Andy. We sometimes sing our own version of the familiar Sunday School song ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own’, which is kind of a perfect digestion of all that God seeking churchy feelings of how it was connection with our own being we were seeking the whole time. We couldn’t see that for what it was and so we arranged for ‘God’ to hold that for safekeeping.

Merlin: Andy is like the friggin’ best! He knows fun and wonderworld walking like no one I know. If you want to go play, call on Marvin, or Andy rather, or both! Let’s get this party started in here.

Raphael: I know right. It’s a bit serious in here isn’t it, but I just have one more piece to feel today and it gets to the heart of this journey to face the Demiurge.

Merlin: Okay, that’s good too, I’m sure it will lead to fun eventually.

Raphael: I think so too, Merlin, and thank you for your patience… 🙂

The piece that is dawning in me, and on me, is feeling how much I, and my beloved parts of me shaped God in my own image, even created this creator being. Granted, It was my family conditioning this life that got me up and running with this set to my sails, but I needed to shape this God into a spaceholder of my Higher Self that I couldn’t consciously yet see or feel inside my own heart.

I’m looking for the right words to put around this…

I mean in the sense that I was afraid of my own heart and its capacity to feel. I know that wasn’t just about this life’s wounding though this life wounding was also needed to backlight it all in order for it to come to the light of day.

You could say, I used God, projected onto God, the Demiurge, my unconscious sense of my Higher Self.

Metatron, can you help me out here, what am I trying to put words around?

Metatron: What I feel it as is kind of simple. You made God into the monster that he had no choice but to become; becoming dis-eased with a greatness that he, and it, was unable to bear, having neither earned it, nor being worthy of it. And as they say ‘power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. You, along with the rest of us, made the Demiurge into an ‘absolute authority’; an ‘outside of us’ projection of our innate perfection and power, that we couldn’t yet relate with. That’s enough to cook anyone’s goose.

Raphael: Wow, when you put it that way, it makes me feel like I owe him an apology…

Metatron: …something to feel into, for sure. We all did this though, Raphael . And we all need to face the monster of our own creation.

Raphael: And what if there’s only a few of us ready to begin that?

Metatron: Then that makes us the ones to stand in the gap between the Demiurge and man. Sounds a bit heady, I know, but it’s real. The Demiurge doesn’t need to make his peace with all men and women individually to find and feel his remorse, his anger, his feelings. He only needs one actually, because, as with anything in the universe, the one, or any one, contains the all.

Merlin: You smoke the best stuff Metatron. I say we break and party-on at your pad. We have to get ready for Christmas a bit too which is tomorrow. Sounds like your talking total Christ child stuff, pretty timely if we’re gonna go by the Christian calendar. We could even redeem some Christmas carols out of the YouTube and have a sing along. You feel like ‘Hark the herald Angels sing’ kind of Archangel!

Raphael: Merlin, you know how to put a bow on things. That about says it for now, doesn’t it everyone? Wow, this gives us, and I know me for sure, some more digesting to do.

Let’s pick up again tomorrow. Thank you everyone, everyone here, everyone beyond, and everyone yet gathering, to form this one posse of hearts as an Ambassadorship to the Demiurge. The Demiurge, I feel is beginning to be expecting us. Thank you especially for feeling and helping me digest my own story too again today. I know I’d like another day or two to digest a few more pieces of my own story together. We are soon about to learn the Demiurge’s side of this story, but all things in their time.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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This Is Why Your Life Feels Like It Is Falling Apart

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment
By Jelelle Awen
Something has to fall apart in order to fall in. Falling IN to your sacred human self, your authentic self, your service of love self is a falling AWAY and APART of what was previously constructed and conditioned and created to be in 3D life. Falling apart is when you SEE and FEEL how you are made up of parts actually that have been formed when experiencing the fragmented and dualistic energies of 3D and being unable to digest emotionally and energetically this dissonant frequency. Falling apart brings up the parts of you that cling, maneuver, are afraid and overwhelmed, so that you can BE with them as a becoming whole version of yourself that is separating from them.
 
The falling apart can be ‘losing’ or being ‘forced out’ of a previously beloved home (this seems to be happening more lately)…a place that has been a nest that you’ve actually outgrown yet parts of you may not have realized this quite yet. It can feel like life is ‘doing something to you’ in these moments, yet if parts of you are stalling or stuck, the Divine and your Higher Self will give what can feel like a push to move you into your next timeline. This outward home falls apart and away to bring you more deeply into the sense of your inner home that can never leave you or be taken away.
 
Or the falling apart can be a long-term relationship or marriage that has been romantically complete for a long time that finally finishes or explodes or implodes. Here, too, you can feel the parts of you that have stayed for the convenience, the reasons and excuses of staying together for children, the ties and binds to a previously comfortable 3D reality, for the security of money. These reasons are not usually about LOVE at all, but for parts of you maybe this relationship has been the only form of love they have previously known, until you introduce them to what PURE LOVE feels like and they want MORE.
 
The falling apart is loss…..loss of beloved animal companions, friendships, birth family, careers and previous ways of earning money livelihood. Falling apart is anxiety as parts of you worry about survival, tensions about trusting life and YOU to provide. Falling apart is ash in the air feelings as you mourn what is gone and may reappear in NEW forms yet hasn’t quite yet. Falling apart is intense emotions too that may be long suppressed. ‘Going crazy’, letting what has been judged as insane shake through and quake through your BEing.
 
Falling apart in order to fall IN is where trust and surrender in the Divine holding of ALL your moments and movements comes in. Not just the bliss moments and the receiving moments and the gratitude moments. Yet, too, the mourning moments and the crazy moments and the very painful moments and the anxious moments. ALL is held in Divine love as phases and stages of your falling IN process to BEcome Sacred Human.
 
What breaks apart reveals the authentic core of You that then arises out of the rubble and rumble. THIS is what love has to look like sometimes in order to get to and release the real, the genuine, and the PURE that is just waiting inside of you to be born!
~
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

March Energy Update: Messages/Codes Of Unity And Support With Your Multidimensional Self

Published on by Jelelle Awen6 Comments
By Jelelle Awen
The energies, even as they still feel pretty HIGH and constant, seemed to INtegrate more yesterday, to ground into the places where we could let them in. And, I felt more alertness for awhile to get some things done (even able to think linear!) until at nighttime more tiredness and sleepiness as the body works (on some level) to ‘keep up’ and our hearts do too! I wasn’t going to write today or share…to take a ‘day off’ and yet, in these times, with so much moving and changing, service of love is inviting me, calling me, to offer and share. It is pressing us all in a GOOD way, although it can feel overwhelming to parts of us at times.
 
Frustrations and even rage may be bursting out in moments right now. The frustration is desires coming to the surface. Maybe desires that have been long pushed down and away by 3D conditioning that says you cannot have that or BE what you really want or ARE. Yet, the frustrations are useful and temporary, pointing to your highest timeline and what needs to be let go of too.
 
I received the following message last year from the Universe, the Divine, Higher Dimensional aspects, our Higher Selves, Angels, Star Family and Galactic BEings. I wanted to share it again as I feel THESE codes from THESE energies in this Now are offering the same message for us to take into our hearts, into parts of us…..into our ever awakening and expanding SOULS that we are NOT alone and are SO loved and supported during this transition! Here is the message:
 
We know it has been hard and IS hard in so many moments. Moments where you want to give up. Moments where you want to ‘go home’. Moments where you are consumed by pain. Moments where your heart feels like it is breaking. Moments where your tears fall and sobs shake your body. Moments where the sky feels so dark and cloudy and overcast with unexpressed pains.
 
We feel you in this and we see you in this. We are with ALL of our hearts WITH you in this. It has been SO hard for parts of you at times, this journey of forgetting, this traveling road of separation. This road has many curves and dips and turns. We see all these with you; we witness how you crawl at times. How you lay at times. How you feel like giving up at times.
 
Yet, your heart beats on. Your desire lives on. Your need for love echoes strong inside of you. You do not give up. Your soul carries you forward.
 
We watch you crawl through glass at times and yet you keep going until the way is clearer. You fight your way ‘back’ to your heart over and over and then, the fight rests and you are just moving forward because it is what you are called to do on you way to remembering.
 
We know that you often feel like you are alone. How you feel sometimes that no one else understands and no one else GETS what is happening to you and how you are changing from who you used to be. We feel for you and this struggle that you sometimes go through alone. We feel your loneliness and we ache for you in it.
 
Yet, this we offer, that you are NEVER alone. Your eyes may see no one else. Your heart may feel sad and alone. Your birth family might reject your changes and who you are becoming. Your friends may not come along. Your mate may not come along or get what you are awakening into. But, you are NEVER alone. As we are always with you and we will NEVER leave.
 
We feel how you sometimes think you are wrong or unworthy. How you feel that the struggle and suffering are what you deserve. And we want to offer to this part of you that this is NOT the truth. You cannot do anything wrong. You cannot BE wrong.
 
We want to offer to this part of you that you ARE worthy of love, you ARE worthy of awakening, you ARE worthy of connection.
We feel how you forget that you ARE love. You forget how you ARE infinite possibilities. You forget that you ARE infinite awareness. This forgetting was part of the process, the experiment, that we all agreed to. We are here watching over you in the forgetfulness and we feel how you ache to remember again. And, it is TIME for you to remember again (if it is time for you remember).
 
If you are resonating with these words, then we INVITE you to connect with us. Reach inside for us. Find us INSIDE. You don’t have to look outside of yourself. You don’t have to look to others, unless you feel that you want and need to. You don’t have to be at a special place of attainment or have special gifts. You ARE special just as you ARE and we are RIGHT HERE inside of you, ready and so eager to connect with you.
 
We are the aspects of you that you feel are TOO MUCH or you have forgotten or you have disconnected from. We are the aspects of you that are from and of your SOUL. We are the multidimensional aspects of your BEing. We are your angel selves. We are your star BEing selves. We are your spirit guide selves. We are your Divine selves. We are your other lifetime-Metasoul selves.
 
We are your councils of light selves. We are your star gates inside and your portals inside and your star dust selves inside. We are your crystalline body selves and your crystalline chakras merged into one. We are your merkaba and your inner gridwork connected to Mother Gaia’s new gridwork.
 
Connect with us and we BECOME you. We merge into you more and more and in that merging the feelings of loneliness, the feelings of pain, the feelings of separation, the feelings of unworthiness, the feelings of despair and suffering, the feelings of wanting to die….ALL of it can and will move with this embracement. Embrace us AS you in a process of connection, deeper and deeper, and so you BECOME this. Have a relationship with us as you need to and for as long as you need to as we benefit from this too. And someday, we will become ONE, more and more, and your sense of you will keep changing and changing until you don’t really have a sense of you anymore as you just ARE unified.
 
You just ARE the Infinite Love and Possibilities and awareness that you were MEANT TO BE in human form.
 
We love YOU and we wait right here for you, inside you. Come and get us with an open heart and we will become one again!
 
~
Join us for a free livestream on Facebook and Youtube on March 18th to talk about these ascension energies and respond to your questions and comments. Also, join in on our free Unity Meditation call on March 21st! Read more here.
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

March Energies Update: Emotional Clearings, Chakra Activations, Highest Timeline Manifestations

Published on by Jelelle Awen4 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

Onward and UPward we go! These current ascension energies of March can feel like mists of crystalline high vibrational frequencies….like standing on the beach and the liquid vapors reach you on the wind, yet they are made of LIGHT and LOVE rather than water. The misting can be subtle and refreshing. More like hinting at what could BE in your highest timeline manifestation if you continue to let in more love and let go of what isn’t serving you. There is a kind of tingling in the body/skin/top of head with this misting as crystals activate and come to LIFE and turn on and start receiving and transmitting.

Maybe you are brought UP, activated by the sacred masculine into states of near trance, blissed and blessed out, foggy, altered states like feeling like ‘being high’. You are teleporting to other timelines and ‘seeing’ these realities come through. You are crash napping with a sense of much activation going on, yet not able to track it with your mind or really understand it. You are needing to just GO and FLOW with these surges as linear everything shuts down and TRUE mulitdimensional reality, BEyond time, takes over. This probably feels amazing though….a gift, a confirmation of the WORK you’ve engaged with to feel, to let go of what was less than this, to BE with and in love.

These energies can feel more like a swooshing wave, landing on the shores of your chakras, your every living cells, your emotional body. There can be a feeling of being ‘crashed into’ and the emotions coming up to the surface due to cosmic momentum supported by your Higher Self and its goals for you. You are maybe feeling pulled down by the undertow of what has been suppressed or repressed or just put away, stored, until it is safe to actually feel it. These HIGH frequency energies actually make MORE space for these feelings to be expressed as your Witness Self/Authentic Self/Higher Self coming into your body is supported to respond and JUST feel.

Feelings of depression, extreme tiredness, wanting to ‘go home’ and to give up may come up in parts of you that are actually meant to be tired of 3D living and reality. Watered by the SOULar reminders of your bigness and TRUE purpose here, the parts of you that have invested in keeping life safe and small and anchored to 3D reality are just getting weary, sad, and done. This can also be Metasoul (other timeline) aspects experiencing their own intense events that may be leading to death, karmic playouts, catastrophes or just suicidal feelings that are needing to be felt with love.

Feelings of rage and anger too as truth and passion rumble through and UP, ignited by Divine permission to express and digest. Emotional energies that have been stuck are MOVED by love and there is nothing bad or wrong here in this. It is a very natural and necessary process as love sweeps in and through. These more intense feelings may feel unwanted or not desirable to parts of you….yet, if you can embrace them with love instead of resist them, then they can move and digest. More about parts/subpersonalities and Metasoul aspects here: soulfullheartwayolife.com/parts
Trust that these Ascension energies are making more ROOM….in your Higher Heart that allows for MORE experience of Unity consciousness within yourself (from one part of you to another) and with others. Making more room in your chakras/energy field from your Stellar Gateway (your ‘personal sun’) to your root chakras connected to Mother Gaia…..so that you can experience the activation of your 5D Sacred Human ‘Violetprint’.

Making more room in your emotional body for self love, self worth, self acceptance to organically arise. Making more room in your relationships for authenticity, nourishment, resonance, and intimacy. Making more room in your LIFE for your highest timeline to manifest as it is just there, pulsating, and waiting for you to claim, name, and BEcome it.

These energies are making more room for New Earth in this NOW and the BEcoming of you AS love. Embracing rather than resisting; allowing rather than controlling; feeling rather than numbing allows for the making room process to go and flow.

MUCH love to you as we navigate and BE in these Divine love waves together!

Jelelle

~

Join us for a free livestream on Facebook and Youtube on March 18th to talk about these ascension energies and respond to your questions and comments. Also, join in on our free Unity Meditation call on March 21st! Read more here.

~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.