Tag: Inner Teenager

New Timelines Coming In As The Old Ones Collapse

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

These catalytic, high energies leading up to Lion’s Gate 8/8 are moving us through so many places inside and out at such a quicker pace than we have ever known or felt before. Timelines and realities are collapsing AS the new is coming into manifestation. This overlapping is happening more and more with what is collapsing not even consciously known sometimes before it starts to shift and change.

Perhaps just as you are feeling there is something to let go of here, you are beginning to feel the rumbles, you are preparing to mourn……then, the new timeline is already coming in and starting to manifest in your life.

There used to be more gap in this process of death and rebirth, it seems…more ‘time’ for the process of it all.

Now, this gap is seeming to be greatly narrowed where in some cases just as you realize that you need to change something, the new is coming in to take its place. Just as you are feeling a need to shift and change something, the opportunities and possibilities are coming in through synchs and connections leading to quicker implementation of choice points. I am seeing and feeling this happen in my own life and in the lives of others in our Divine Self Embodiment community.

The inner negotiation around all this becomes so important. To bridge all this change (even as it is into the good, for your good, and for your growth) with the parts of you that (of course!) are feeling resistant, afraid, tense, and anxious about the transition. The Inner Protector especially is ‘charged’ with making sure you don’t experience harm and to warn you of any ‘threats’ coming. The new can feel like a threat to the protective part of you, even if YOU deeply want it.

You as a Divine Self showing up to negotiate with your Inner Protector can allow for more fluid of a transition and processing of the previously harmful experiences that occurred in the past. The Protector can then rest more and allow the new to come in at a rate and pace that YOU want and then you able to let in the goodness that is coming to you in a deeper way too. The Protector is so often guarding younger parts such as the Inner Teenager from future harm, hurt or disappointment so they need to feel that you are connecting with and holding that part of you. More about the Inner Protector and a guided meditation to connect with this aspect of yourself here: https://tinyurl.com/mr3bjv6c

The new timeline can bring up previous trauma experiences stored at the cellular level and in parts of you, to BE with as the water of love that washes out the ‘oil’ of what has been stored in your emotional body. As the cells upgrade to crystalline they release the toxicities and lower frequencies absorbed through 3D experience and in the Metasoul field too. This can be a lot of stored toxicity and it doesn’t seem to make much difference how physically healthy your body is related to how much has to come up…..although being physically vital can help.

As you move into the new from the old at a more rapid pace (as what seems to be happening right now), your cells can vibrate faster and it’s like a wet towel that you whip around in a circle…….the faster you go in your circular motion, the more water flings off. The more love in the form of new coming into your world and at a faster rate, the more is released that needs to be.

The Divine is offering SO MUCH trust and support in our capacity to handle this accelerated rate of death and rebirth and this increased cycle of cellular release of toxicity. As so many of us are being fast-tracked right now in this ascension process to lead the way, we can lean into the Divine to surrender the outcomes and preconceived ideas parts of us might have of what the new might look like, even as we hold our desires and wants with tenderness and care!

Leaning into the Divine in whatever forms work for you can bring so much ease and grace and trust in the overall process and the increasingly rate and pace of it. Trusting the feeling how, indeed, ‘we are never given more than we can handle (even of the good!)’ and that it is all held with much love!

love,

Jelelle Awen

Join Raphael and I for an emotional body trauma clearing & upgrade lovestream with sharings, sound healing and meditation live on FB and YouTube as part of our Lion’s Gate series today 7/17 at 6pm WET/UK – 1pm EDT. More info at https://www.facebook.com/events/489899233650093

1:1 Divine Self Embodiment sessions available with me or another Facilitator to digest, connect, to collapse and emerging timelines in your life! More info here: divineselfembodiment.com/sessions

Dear Inner Teenagers…

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

Dear inner teenagers,

I love you all so much for the range you can express from angry, frustrated, and misunderstood to sensitive, passionate, and caring. You have held both our deepest desires and deepest fears, keeping our hearts alive and on fire.

There may be times when other parts suppress you or judge the way you are, but that’s what we’re here for. We are here to help you heal your wounds created in adolescence and beyond. To remove you from the frontlines of life and tuck you in where it’s safe to just be you. We are here to help you mature into the creative and compassionate beings that you are in your core.

We are also here to learn from you and receive your gifts. You offer a perspective that ignites curiosity and claim of what’s real in the world. You are consistently trying to find the heart of everything. The heart of truth, love, fear, and even life itself. I have often found teenagers to be the most questioning of the status quo and the false picture of perfection that β€œadults” seem determined to hold together.

Then there’s the vulnerability. You wear your hearts on your sleeves without even trying which can cause pain and suffering without the true leadership that comes from our higher selves holding the space for you. We have to listen to you, feel you and help you heal so that we can help each other feel complete. And in your healing, we find our inner kings and queens that should truly be leading our relationships.

We are here to help you shine!

Love,
The souls who wish to heal you β™₯️

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Connecting With Tender Needs Within: A Poem

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kasha Rokshana

Sometimes it feels 

As if the void,

A feeling of something

Or someone

Being β€˜missing’

Will always be there

For part of me

Who aches to let in love

So completely

That she would feel truly,

Irreversibly,

Complete herself.

I answer her questions

With one of my own,

β€œWhat is it you need

From me

Or even from the Divine

In order to truly feel loved

At all times?”

She answers me,

β€œKasha, 

I just really need this time with you,

This space from every trial

That we’ve recently experienced.

I really need to feel

Divine collaboration,

Like I’ve done nothing wrong

And our Divine parents

Support us unconditionally,

Want us to truly experience

And become love…

Want us to truly embody

Our own divinity together.”

I respond,

β€œAh, love…

I feel your heartache,

Those twinges

And tweaks

You so want answered

By reflections of all that you are,

The power you have,

And the love you have to give.

I feel your humble desire

To be able to open up 

And receive again

And again

And again

While surrendering deeply

To what life,

Love,

The Divine,

Is bringing you to feel into,

To inhabit,

To live into.

I love you

Right where and how you are.

I wouldn’t ever want to change you,

Just hold you,

Honour the bravery you’ve had 

All these years

To keep looking at yourself,

While learning how 

To hold, feel,

And respond to others.

I will never leave you.

Just keep letting me in.”

And together

We cry,

As we’ve done so many times before,

With needy hearts,

With a deep love exchange,

With appreciation

For this landing place we share

Within,

With the Divine,

And with beloved, resonant others.

Bringing love to every challenge,

Learning always to receive love 

Deeper,

Walking hand-in-hand

Towards the next sunrise

Where we will arise again

Anew,

In new completeness

Together.

β€” This is an example of the type of dialogue I had with a part of me just this morning as I checked in with her… it’s not always this easy to access a part’s needs or desires underneath their ache, angst, and protection at times, yet once they do open up to you and truly feel your heart’s intention to show up for them, be the voice and energy of the loving Divine for them, they really do respond. 

It takes so much consistency though in my experience of it, and sometimes you have to be with them through some very tough and even kicky moments as they begin to let you in. Once they do, they start to transform and truly transmute their pain.

Do get in touch with myself or Jelelle Awen if you’re a woman looking for 1:1 space-holding as you too deepen or even begin your journey of feeling parts of you. If you’re a man and drawn to this work, Raphael Awen is the King you’re looking for. 

There is more info on sessions and FREE intro calls here: soulfullheart.org/sessions

Love,

KashaΒ 

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Gifts Of Connecting With Your Inner Teenager

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

Your Inner Teenager is the part of you representing the phase and stage after childhood and before adulthood, usually between 11 and 18 years old, although that can vary. This is a very important period of life as it is very often when awakening is happening on a Metasoul level with timelines starting to bleed-through into your reality. In many timelines, the teenager phase of life is honored as a sacred time of initiation. It is recognized in these other lifetimes that you are in, as the beginning stages of becoming/identifying your soul gift expressions and purpose. In many timelines, the community provided support for the teenager to mature into that expression.

However, in our 3D modern era, for teenagers, there isn’t usually initiation, honoring, and training in how to follow their soul’s purpose or any recognition of it. Instead, 3D culture overlooks teenagers and often judges them harshly. Instead of receiving initiation in all areas of life around relationships, sexuality, spirituality, and passion purpose, your Inner Teenager received, most likely, invalidation in all these areas. Deep 3D-based conditioning just serves to feed and amplify growing fears, dualities, insecurities, and polarizations inside of them.

The Inner Teenager is often hanging out in the sanctuary of their teenage bedroom and can be connected with there. Your Inner Teenager is often stuck there with strong feelings of angst, depression, even suicidal feelings of not wanting to be on this planet and in their birth families anymore. Instead of a healthy phase of individuating from birth family, there is often push-pull, over attachment, and other unhealthy dynamics experienced by our inner teens. They are hiding from the family dynamics, yet there can be both longing for connection and pushing away from the family vibe at the same time. So often the teenager is torn between the necessity of bonding with their birth family for their very survival and a growing sense of dissonance and lack of resonance.

There seem to be two kinds of ways that this expresses in an Inner Teenager during this very challenging phase of life. Either as overt rebellion and acting out in behaviors that are not approved of; or in nearly complete-seeming acceptance and conformity to the family. In the case of rebellion, more inner truth and empowerment is able to be expressed, even if it isn’t always in healthy ways. When there has been conformity, a conforming 3D Self (almost like a robot self) is created to fit in and the rebellious and angry part of the Inner Teenager is usually hidden away in the shadows.

I have discovered that the Inner Teenager is the part of us that is often responsible for our social interface in life, even as adults. They are stuck in the trauma they experienced in social interactions and haven’t been able to mature beyond it until we connect with them and help them heal. It is often the Inner Teenager’s energy that is leading in romantic relationships, which is why so many of them can be dysfunctional and not as mature in transaction. This isn’t the fault of our Inner Teenager yet rather a reflection of where they haven’t yet matured in their expression of relationality with others.

So much intense rage, depression, and anxiety can be bleeding through from other lifetimes/timelines into your Inner Teenager’s reality. Your soul is starting to awaken and there is more coming through. The veil may be thinner during this time and there is not as much protection being provided by the Inner Protector to keep it out. Later on in adulthood, the Inner Protector and the Gatekeeper are able to create a stronger veil around your 3D Self using layers of densities from undigested traumas.

Connecting with your Inner Teenager in a conscious way allows them to receive the initiations and individuation that they most need in order to mature in all areas of life. By receiving a bridge to you in your current maturity, they are able to receive a template for who they will become and what their potential is. Like a visit with their β€˜future self’ in the form of a loving mentor, they finally receive what they have most been needing and longing for.

Going into the world of our Inner Teenager brings us closer to the passion, imagination, and creativity we had to set aside for various reasons as we became adults. It is about feeling the loss of innocence that led us to so much serious, repressed, and conforming expression. They are the bridge from our youth to our maturity. They are truly seers of new worlds. Healing our Inner Teenager brings a new vision of life that has technicolor rad-ness and infinite vision. It brings a joy and lightness that seeks to learn and have fun at the same time.

~

Excerpt From my book Free To Be 5D about the Inner Teenager, with links to purchase as audio, print, ebook, and PDF at soulfullheart.org/books

Raphael and I will be exploring the world of the inner teenager in our group call coming up this Sunday, November 13th at 5:00pm GMT/London/Lisbon…Noon EST. We will also offer a guided meditation to connect with your inner teenager, deepen the healing between you, opening up the bond there that is just ‘waiting’ for you. More info to offer donation to attend at soulfullheart.org/grouptransmissions or https://www.facebook.com/events/844061516750636.

You can offer donation ($11/$15 USD/Euros is the usual amount) via our soulfullheart.org/shop or via paypal.me/jelelleawen. If you offer donation via paypal, please include your email.

Here is a guided meditation video to begin the connection to your inner teenager; https://youtu.be/5CMVBgzFypI

More info about 1:1 sessions, group call/in person events in Portugal, writing/videos and more at soulfullheart.org

Connect To Your Inner Teenager Group Call 11/13 W/Raphael & Jelelle Awen

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

In a week from today, we will dive into the often intense and always interesting grounds of the inner teenager! We began recognizing and working with this part of us and in others several years ago when it was clear how many sensitivities and gifts this energy within us hold! Hope you can join us and give the gift of your focus and presence to your inner teen.

Description below:

An important and often over looked part of your inner family formed during this lifetime is your Inner Teenager. Your Inner Teenager is not just the energy represented by the phase and stage after childhood and pre-adulthood, they also hold the pain and wounding of usually being the β€˜black sheep’ of the family.

As your soul consciousness started to awaken in your teens, a rebellion and individuation either began to express or was suppressed….one that was necessary to separate from your family’s consciousness. Your Inner Teenager can often be found ‘stuck’ in their teenage bedroom with strong feelings of angst, depression, even suicidal feelings due the rejection they received in this rebellion.

Instead of receiving initiation in all areas of life around relationships, sexuality, spirituality, passion purpose, etc., your inner teenager received most likely invalidation in these areas…and 3D-based conditioning that fed fears, dualities, and polarizations. Instead of a healthy phase of individuating from family, there is often push-pull, over attachment and other unhealthy dynamics experienced by our inner teens. Connecting with your inner teenager allows them to receive the initiation and individuation that they most need in order to mature in all areas of life. This also helps with healthy social expression in relationships.

In a two-hour group call for men and women on Sunday, November 13th at 5:00/17:00pm WET/Noon EST/9:00am PST, SoulFullHeart Teachers, Facilitators and sacred union mates Raphael and Jelelle Awen will offer an activation for you to connect with your Inner Teenager. We will share about our most current personal processes as individuals and as a sacred union pairbond related to these inner teenager energies and how we have experienced the healing of them. We will also share about how our SoulFullHeart process can serve to allow for more integration, digestion, and receiving of the Inner Teenager energies.

In the guided meditation/transmission portion of the call, we will create a bridge to connect with your inner teenager in your childhood bedroom. We will offer them love and support from Divine guides and a reparenting energy of initiation and validation. We will also tune in as a group to receive codes to your and the collective inner teenager maturation and awakening process.

We recommend this guided meditation to meet your Inner Teenager prior to the group call: https://youtu.be/5CMVBgzFypI

You can receive these frequencies live with us (highly recommended) or take in the recording afterwards. If you attend the live group, you’ll have the opportunity to share with us about what you experienced during the meditation and receive feedback/next steps of integration from us (this is totally optional). Plus, you’ll be able to take in and receive sharings from other souls (both women and men) in the call, which is a powerful activation of its own! More info at soulfullheart.org/grouptransmissions

This group is open to the public and to anyone over 18. You can attend the group and/or receive the recording for an energy/money exchange of whatever donation you feel to give ($11-15 USD/Euros is the usual amount people offer us.)

You can offer your donation via our shop at soulfullheart.org/shop (Credit or debit) or paypal.me/jelelleawen and we will send you the zoom link to attend and the recording afterwards. If you purchase via paypal, please include your email and what you are purchasing in the note section so that we can send you the zoom link and the recording afterwards.

Hope you can join us for this powerful exploration into your inner teenager energies!

Love,

Raphael and Jelelle

Inner Teenager Awakening Guided Meditation: Video 4 – Deepen 2022 (Video) | Raphael & Jelelle Awen

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

In this fourth video of our 31 day video series called Deepen 2022, SoulFullHeart Teachers/Co-Creators Raphael and Jelelle Awen introduce you to another important part of your inner family formed during this lifetime, your Inner Teenager. Your Inner Teenager is not just the energy represented by the phase and stage after childhood and pre-adulthood, they also hold the pain and wounding of being the β€˜black sheep’ of the family. As your soul consciousness started to awaken in your teens, a rebellion and individuation began that was necessary to separate from your family’s consciousness. Your Inner Teenager is often ‘stuck’ in their teenage bedroom with strong feelings of angst, depression, even suicidal feelings due to the rejection they received in this rebellion.

Instead of receiving initiation in all areas of life around relationships, sexuality, spirituality, passion purpose, etc., your inner teenager received most likely invalidation in these areas…and 3D-based conditioning that fed fears, dualities, and polarizations. Instead of a healthy phase of individuating from family, there is often push-pull, over-attachment and other unhealthy dynamics experienced by our inner teens. Connecting with your inner teenager allows them to receive the initiation and individuation that they most need in order to mature in all areas of life. This also helps with healthy social expression in relationships.

In the meditation today, Divine Mother and Father join us as we journey to your inner Castle to get permission from your Inner Protector to meet your Inner Teenager. You visit your teenage bedroom and meet them there (or wherever else they are). You feel what their world looks and feel like; what their joys and sorrows are; and begin to establish a relationship that leads to the opening out of much magic and love. You will also feel how they feel about being the β€˜black sheep’ of the family and what needs to heal around that.

Thank you for joining us in this video….as we move into Deepening energies together…..one beloved part of us at a time! You can watch each video in the Deepen 2022 playlist on our SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZWeB…

To watch another video with Jelelle Awen about the Inner Teenager from her Deepen 2019 series, go here: https://youtu.be/sLDoA7UXVFk

For more information about the Deepen 2022 series including a full listing of the content covered over 31 days and information about two Deepen 2022 group calls on January 16th 30th, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/deepen2022.

For more information about the SoulFullHeart quantum healing process, Jelelle Awen’s latest book Free To Be 5D with more writings about the Inner Teenager, videos, and events, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org.

We also invite you to join us for free membership on our private, online community SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks for sharing, asking questions, and connecting with others engaged in the series: https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co/feed

For more information about a free consultation call to find out more about 1:1 sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators Jelelle Awen, Raphael Awen, Gabriel Amara, and Kasha Rokshana, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

We are offering this series free of charge, yet we would be so grateful if you offered an energy exchange/donation to us for the value you receive in this series. You can donate through paypal: http://paypal.me/jelelleawen or at https://www.soulfullheart.org/shop

Reclaiming The Lost Boy Of Our In-essence

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

As a sensitive boy growing up, I could feel so much around me yet had no real guidance on how to interpret, digest, and integrate it all. This is really true for most if not all of us. The biggest piece I am revisiting now is the depth of my sexual trauma as a boy moving into manhood.
Confronted with so many images, energies, and conditionings around sex and sexuality, this boy in me found himself between a rock and a hard place (pardon the pun). There was the desire for innocence to be the name of the game. To dance with the essence in both the boy and the girl. Like a journey of discovery and playfulness.

Instead it was about fitting in to the dominant culture of woundedness. Girl became an object of my need to be validated as a man in the world. Her yoni a portal back into the womb of The Mother. But Girl was wounded too. She was looking for her own needs to be filled…so to speak
Now Boy is caught between fulfilling the needs of both the wounded masculine in his power over the feminine and the wounded feminine in her need to feel some hook into the masculine. Both invulnerable and unable to really see each other in their innocence or in-essence.

I reconnected with that boy in me again and replayed those days while feeling the innocence in contrast. The pain of what this boy packed away in order to survive in that world was heart-wrenching. I could feel the toxicity and pain swelling in my cells. All of the trauma that I never categorized as trauma because men don’t do that in what is just ‘those teenage years’.
If, as men, we were to really feel where we lost our innocence, we would really get to a core of who we are as a man. Why we have done, and to some degree still do, the things that we do. If we can ‘come to Jesus’ with this Lost Boy inside of us, we would find the root and beauty of our masculine innocence. Something we packed away a long fucking time ago.

In that innocence we also find the warrior who has fiercely protected him. The warrior who has both shadow to heal and truth to tell. Between them both is the Man who has a vulnerable heart and a willingness to call bullshit when he sniffs it. He is willing put his heart on the line but not his power. He is willing to seek forgiveness but not condemnation.

There has been no greater process for me than the one I am currently in. This Lost Boy in found again in my heart. I am loving him with every once of it that I have access to. It is my current sacred bromance. It is this process that activates and unearths more of my King or Sacred Sovereign Masculine Self. It is this process that leads me to more self-love and ability to see, feel, and relate authentically to the feminine within and without.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.Β  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Finding Your Place Within The Fire

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

What a dynamic week this has been! A lot stirring up in the collective due to so many influences both terrestrial and cosmic. This week was a big focus on the Inner Teenager, truth-telling, passion purpose, Schumann resonance, crop circles, and the events unfolding in the US. You can read it here. 

Featured this week is a piece from Gabriel Heartman. In it, he addresses the riots that are underway in the US. He focuses on how the riots and the situation that sparked them are all a reflection of the suppressed violence within each of us and in the collective emotional body. He also offers that each of us has our own journey in response to these events:

What action and power do each of us have in these times when it feels like it is all coming unglued? I think that is one you have to ask yourself. What feels like the most aligned with your purpose here? If it is to advocate and protest, then I say do so with all the Love you have to muster. That is possible. If it is to hold the space for the Kali phase of this death and rebirth then hold it with the might and compassion of your heart and soul. If you are to shine the Light of the New Earth then shine that Mother with all the power and glory that is within you without compromise.

Related to this, is the suppressed truth and pain of the Inner Teenager that was felt in the last Free To Be 2 Group call on Wednesday, May 27th. There are writings that talk about our personal relationships and teachings about how the Inner Teenager influences our current lives and emotional body. 

The next β€˜Free To Be’ group call series begins this Wednesday, June 3rd @ 10am PDT. The third call of this series will focus on the 3D/4D Matrix/Cabal Collapse. The 3D/4D Matrix and Cabal/Illuminati/Global Elite revelation and collapse that is happening now pushes up much to feel for the 3D Self that has needed to be plugged into this Matrix. There can also be a Reptilian Self plugged into the 4D AI Matrix on that level. You will connect with your 3D Self or Reptilian Self to offer them a deeper unplugging from the Matrix into liberation during the guided meditation.

You can offer a donation at any time and receive the recordings and also the link to attend any of the future calls live if you can or want to. More information at https://www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 

In this week’s edition of our Museletter, there is a sample of the last group call as well as the recording of the last Facebook Livestream by Raphael & Jelelle. In it they discuss the current Covid Awakening Event and offer a Pleiadian/Dolphin guided meditation.  There are many new articles and audio blogs from SoulFullHeart Facilitators/teachers Raphael and Jelelle Awen, as well as SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Solais and Gabriel Heartman. Check out our β€˜Quotes of The Week’ section for some quote cards you can save and share! If you can, please do tag us whenever possible.

If you are interested in a session, we begin with a free consultation for 30-45 minutes over Zoom with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for you to learn more about the SoulFullHeart Process, what happens in sessions, mutually determine if the process is a fit for you at this time, and if so, which Facilitator to work with in sessions. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Healing!

You can offer a donation to SoulFullHeart via PayPal here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

You can subscribe to our Museletters here: soulfullheart.org

Check out the latest Museletter here.

The Suffering And Healing Of The Inner Teenager

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

Tomorrow in our next SoulFullHeart Free To Be group call, we will be diving into the Inner Teenager part of us that has a lot of wounding, BUT a ton of power and creativity. Right now the Inner Teenager may be coming out in a rebellious nature toward some of the ‘rules’ that are being implemented right now. There may also be a compliance as well. I know I had both in me in my teen years and struggled in the conflict between the two.

This conflict showed up as a desperate need to do well in school while being heavily into alcohol and smoking. I had a lot of mom/sister issues that showed up in my relationship to young women my age. It felt like an all-round hell zone for him in many ways. Trying like hell to fit in but not knowing which ‘in’ was really his.

As I feel him (his name is Chris, my birth name) from this vantage point, I can feel a soul that was winding down the 3D experience and struggling to reconcile that. Until of course he met Jill (aka Jelelle Awen) in college and the journey of self-discovery and authenticity began. It was a lot for him to let go of all that he thought he identified with (family, friends, relationships, conditioned ideas, etc).

He is very much into art and creativity and this too was a conflict as well with deep perfectionism that caused a lot of suffering. A battle between the masculine and feminine waged within. I feel him much more rested in with my inner teenage feminine and they seem to be in much more balance and harmony together.

In him there is a rebellion that just wants to go his own way without a fight. He doesn’t need to get angry anymore or judge others as this was always a judgement of himself. I feel a relief in him for no longer being in those days while still honoring all the process. There were lots of good times among the suffering. Those are what are now left in the memory banks when we look back.

Still much to heal around romance, intimacy, and sexuality but those are on their way with each passing day. Working with Chris in the early stages of my process was one of the most touching and healing parts of my journey. You don’t realize how much you are our teenager until you start to work with them.

If you are interested in connecting with and knowing more about your Inner Teenager, please join us for the next group call tomorrow at 10am PST. You can find out more info here:
soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 or purchase the link and soulfullheart.org/shop

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc. 

The Sacred Journey Of My ‘Black Sheep’ Inner Teenager

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Solais

I harvested some photos from an old Facebook account the other day, at the request of a part of me that you’ll hear about in a moment. The last time I used this account was when I was 25 and walking into it feels like walking into my teenage bedroom, my dorm at university, and all of my ‘first apartments’ I lived in. There’s a treasure trove there of past romantic and would-be romantic connections, creative endeavours, and friendships that my parts then thought were very deep.

This ‘self’ I used to live in, the ‘me’ part of me was constructing, vibrates with so much need to be seen, heard, felt… loved. There was so much performance and not just creatively. There was so much energy around who these parts of me thought they needed to be, what they needed to look like, how they needed to act in order to draw a guy’s attention, to get ‘picked’ for a gig, to become the healer I was driven to be from a very young age, to fit in yet stand out.

Underneath all of that, lies so much sadness. So many feelings of ‘I’ll never make/have it’ despite doing ‘the work’ that I was told then I needed to do.

Underneath all of that, lies so much loneliness. Feelings of ‘I’ll never be loved the way I want to be’ and choosing to try and become a fun party girl and sleep with whoever came into my field for that evening, to feel somehow validated and seen and like people actually did want to be around me…

The ‘me’ I see, the ‘self’ I feel as I share that, is my Inner Teenager who was essentially uninitiated into true femininity and womanhood. Who learned from media pressures what it would take to become anything at all with any real presence in the world, and therefore, what it would take to be loved and to feel like she belonged.

Her name is Katie. And this was the name I went by for all those formative years in my birth family, in early adulthood, and when I first began my SoulFullHeart journey.

Katie struggled with feeling like the ‘Black Sheep’, as have other young parts of me. She felt this way, always, with birth family. She often felt this way too among other young women but also with young men. I haven’t had many relationships with men or close friendships with women my own age. It was very painful for this part, for my awakening Star Seed and Inner Child self too, to really feel any sense of deep connection or belonging with the crowd.

Katie tried many things to cope with these feelings, but none of it ever felt like her… the emptiness and depression remained. When I feel into those ‘Katie’ years, I feel such a soul lineage coming through, of being sometimes the youngest of women in a group, tribe, community of healers and priestesses, or a young, budding, feminine being that couldn’t quite find the initiation she was seeking into true womanhood and Sacred Union, though she so longed and ached for that! It almost feels as if I/Katie would have been diagnosed as manic depressive at the time. The highs were SO high but the lows were nearly catastrophic.

The ‘Black Sheep’ feelings now feel to me like an ache for initiation that our souls actually know very well, for better or worse. The answer to that has to start within and keep coming back to what isn’t happening yet within… the space that isn’t being taken to really feel and honour who you ARE in all the breadth and depth and textures of that. It’s a deep journey of finding the answer to that ache more and more within your Metasoul and in relationship to your parts. Self-initiation, self-belonging, becomes the focus and the desire and also the reality even as you may be drawing resonance and belonging, finally, on the outside.

This is still an ongoing journey for everyone, it feels like, until the veils of separation really vanish for good. It ultimately feels like a pain of ‘not belonging’ with the Divine and a deep desire to move beyond duality. There’s no one person or being outside of us that can do this work for us. Just us being dedicated to ourselves and to being with every single step of this sacred journey back into oneness.

Katie agrees!And is grateful for your heart and soul taking all of this in… πŸ˜€

Much love! ❀

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Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.