The Sacred Journey Of My ‘Black Sheep’ Inner Teenager

by Kalayna Solais

I harvested some photos from an old Facebook account the other day, at the request of a part of me that you’ll hear about in a moment. The last time I used this account was when I was 25 and walking into it feels like walking into my teenage bedroom, my dorm at university, and all of my ‘first apartments’ I lived in. There’s a treasure trove there of past romantic and would-be romantic connections, creative endeavours, and friendships that my parts then thought were very deep.

This ‘self’ I used to live in, the ‘me’ part of me was constructing, vibrates with so much need to be seen, heard, felt… loved. There was so much performance and not just creatively. There was so much energy around who these parts of me thought they needed to be, what they needed to look like, how they needed to act in order to draw a guy’s attention, to get ‘picked’ for a gig, to become the healer I was driven to be from a very young age, to fit in yet stand out.

Underneath all of that, lies so much sadness. So many feelings of ‘I’ll never make/have it’ despite doing ‘the work’ that I was told then I needed to do.

Underneath all of that, lies so much loneliness. Feelings of ‘I’ll never be loved the way I want to be’ and choosing to try and become a fun party girl and sleep with whoever came into my field for that evening, to feel somehow validated and seen and like people actually did want to be around me…

The ‘me’ I see, the ‘self’ I feel as I share that, is my Inner Teenager who was essentially uninitiated into true femininity and womanhood. Who learned from media pressures what it would take to become anything at all with any real presence in the world, and therefore, what it would take to be loved and to feel like she belonged.

Her name is Katie. And this was the name I went by for all those formative years in my birth family, in early adulthood, and when I first began my SoulFullHeart journey.

Katie struggled with feeling like the ‘Black Sheep’, as have other young parts of me. She felt this way, always, with birth family. She often felt this way too among other young women but also with young men. I haven’t had many relationships with men or close friendships with women my own age. It was very painful for this part, for my awakening Star Seed and Inner Child self too, to really feel any sense of deep connection or belonging with the crowd.

Katie tried many things to cope with these feelings, but none of it ever felt like her… the emptiness and depression remained. When I feel into those ‘Katie’ years, I feel such a soul lineage coming through, of being sometimes the youngest of women in a group, tribe, community of healers and priestesses, or a young, budding, feminine being that couldn’t quite find the initiation she was seeking into true womanhood and Sacred Union, though she so longed and ached for that! It almost feels as if I/Katie would have been diagnosed as manic depressive at the time. The highs were SO high but the lows were nearly catastrophic.

The ‘Black Sheep’ feelings now feel to me like an ache for initiation that our souls actually know very well, for better or worse. The answer to that has to start within and keep coming back to what isn’t happening yet within… the space that isn’t being taken to really feel and honour who you ARE in all the breadth and depth and textures of that. It’s a deep journey of finding the answer to that ache more and more within your Metasoul and in relationship to your parts. Self-initiation, self-belonging, becomes the focus and the desire and also the reality even as you may be drawing resonance and belonging, finally, on the outside.

This is still an ongoing journey for everyone, it feels like, until the veils of separation really vanish for good. It ultimately feels like a pain of ‘not belonging’ with the Divine and a deep desire to move beyond duality. There’s no one person or being outside of us that can do this work for us. Just us being dedicated to ourselves and to being with every single step of this sacred journey back into oneness.

Katie agrees!And is grateful for your heart and soul taking all of this in… 😀

Much love! ❤

***

Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Initiation Into The Sacred Masculine On Father’s Day

Today Father’s Day is happening inside of me. Today I open my heart to my inner boys. My inner child and inner teenager. The ones that didn’t get the initiation into the world of the divine masculine. This is not a knock against my 3D fathers. They did all they could do with what they were here to initiate me into. I have had my own personal healing process around what I did or didn’t receive as a growing and maturing boy. I had tears last night for what could have been.

Yet, in that moment I realized I can do that for myself. For them. I can connect to the divine masculine within via my masculine guides, metasoul brothers, and the Divine Father. Big Papa Love. He says he is here to continue my initiation. He is here to lead me to my True Man self. The one where my truth is felt and expressed in equal parts. The one where the courage to Be is as important as the courage to lead.

I am to continue this deepening quest for self-love, self-worth, and self-pride. One that heals and integrates the feminine within. It is an ongoing process of claiming Her inside of me. Of reconciling the judgments and the suppression. It is letting go of what was to let in what IS and can Be. It is falling in love with yourself so deeply that it has nowhere else to go but out. Out into the world in the service of humanity. In service of Love Itself.

In a world where masculinity has searched for answers and control, it is time to be initiated into a new vision of the ascending masculine. One in which love, peace, passion, and creativity are the leading edges of our quest while healing, and not denying, our trailing shadow edges.

From this day on, shall Father’s Day represent New Man Day. Initiation Into The Vulnerable Man Day. It is a fire walk but a sacred walk. I want us all to walk this one together…from the inside out.

Happy Father’s Day to you…the father of your inner boys.

*****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

 

Meet Your Inner Teenager Guided Meditation

by Kalayna Colibri

The Inner Teenager is often a part with a very strong frequency inside of many people. This part of you has many hopes, dreams, and desires, as well as much despair. It’s a true gift to connect with this part of you, who so wants to be met and heard as well as felt in his/her trauma and drama.

Join me as I guide you through this journey to meet your Inner Teenager part of you with the help and guidance of Mother Mary and Archangel Metatron. This meditation is offered as a bridge into the world of your Inner Teenager so you can start connecting to this energy consciously.

Music used for this meditation:
“Soothing ANGELIC MUSIC for Meditation & Healing [1Hr]” from the channel Meditative Mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MefovTGtNVI&list=RDODqGLPVJf_c&index=33

For more on the Inner Teenager, you can take in the following blogs/videos:

Inner Child, Star Seed, Inner Teenager Healing – Day 32: 33 Days Metamorphosis W/Jelelle Awen (Video)
Practical Ascension: 7 Key Areas Of Life – The Inner Teenager (Emotional Area)

Visiting With Your Inner Teenager

Our Inner Teenager: The Heart And Soul Of Our 3D Self

For information about a bridging session with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and ongoing individual and group sessions, visit
http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

My Awakening Journey/Story – Day 29: 33 Days Metamorphosis W/Jelelle Awen (Video)

By Jelelle Awen

In today’s video, Day 29 of this 33 Day Metamorphosis series, I share my own awakening journey, especially over the last 15 years or so since I was introduced to the parts process through a emotional and spiritual healing group based in Ashland, Oregon. I share about my ‘make believe’ or fantasy life which actually felt more real than ‘reality’. I feel now this was a sign of my third eye especially being quite open, traveling to other dimensions, and communicating with higher selves of other people even as a child.

I also talk about my experiences in jobs and careers that reflected my soul expression coming through (as it always does in some way), such as being a medical assistant/nurse in a cancer center; a small business reporter/editor; and a life/business coach/manager. It can be interesting to look at our ‘job history’ this way and connect it to our soul purpose expression now.

My main soul awakenings really began with the parts process and have expanded and deepened over the last 15 years with dark nights, bliss and Oneness, non-dual and kundalini and cosmic awakenings, Divine Mother connection, conscious community, falling in love with Raphael, healing abduction wounding and my star seed, creating and offering SoulFullHeart, etc.

Thank you for joining me on this twenty-ninth day of 33….as we move into Metamorphosis energies together…..one beloved part of us at a time!

Here is a link to purchase my books such as the one I mention, Keep Waking Up!: my memoir of awakening experiences while living on a remote ranch:http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/books
And the email I mention if you’d like to pre-order to receive my book sharing my early awakenings to re-released soon called Under The Bloated Banyan is soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Here is a playlist of all the videos in this series:https://www.youtube.com/watch…

You are invited to share comments on your experiences connected to this series and questions too on facebook, the blog athttps://soulfullheartblog.com, and on the SFH Experience Youtube channel for which I will respond and offer reflections/guidance.

Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through paypal:soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page:https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

~

 

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more!

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Healing The Wounded Masculine – Day 28: 33 Days Metamorphosis W/Jelelle Awen (Video)

By Jelelle Awen

In today’s video, Day 28 of this 33 Day Metamorphosis series, SoulFullHeart Facilitator Gabriel Heartman joins me to talk about healing the wounded masculine to embody the sacred masculine; connection with the Divine Father; and healing wounded masculine templating.

He shares about his process with healing his Inner Teenager to bring this part into healthier frequencies of masculine and to integrate (and not suppress) the inner feminine. What Gabriel shares here can also apply to a woman’s process in terms of healing her wounded masculine aspects.

Thank you for joining us on this twenty-eigth day of 33….as we move into Metamorphosis energies together…..one beloved part of us at a time!

Here is the previous video that I did with Gabriel: https://youtu.be/6q2KnYh9dSU?list=PLNmrHdaQSAvIkhNtLWKs-osheX1SoBFpI

Here is a playlist of all the videos in this series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Pj3hPLsv0&list=PLNmrHdaQSAvIkhNtLWKs-osheX1SoBFpI

You are invited to share comments on your experiences connected to this series and questions too on facebook, the blog athttps://soulfullheartblog.com, and on the SFH Experience Youtube channel for which I will respond and offer reflections/guidance.

 

Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through paypal: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

 

~

 

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more!

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Embodying Inner Feminine and Connecting With Divine Mother – Day 27: 33 Days Metamorphosis W/Jelelle Awen (Video)

By Jelelle Awen

In today’s video, Day 27 of this 33 Days of Metamorphosis, SoulFullHeart Facilitator (for women under 30) Kalayna Colibri joins me to talk about healing the inner feminine through feeling masculine aspects such as the Protector and the Punisher. As these masculine parts of us rest, then the feminine can arise. It is usually embodied in our Inner Teenager, who is guarded over by the masculine. Our Inner Teenager holds our waiting to be initiated healthy sexuality; latent emotional maturity; soul gift expression capacity, etc. Kalayna shares about her process with her Inner Teenager and the Protector.

We also talk about the layers of wounded masculine that we’ve been conditioned to in 3D culture and receive as templating from our birth mothers. To heal these layers is about connection with the Divine Mother and receiving new templating of authentic femininity.

To read more about the Inner Teenager and Punisher and other parts go here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts
To read more about sessions, including a free intro, go here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Thank you for joining us on this twenty seventh day of 33….as we move into Metamorphosis energies together…..one beloved part of us at a time!

You are invited to share comments on your experiences connected to this series and questions too on facebook, the blog athttps://soulfullheartblog.com, and on the SFH Experience Youtube channel for which I will respond and offer reflections/guidance.

Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through paypal: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

Go here to view the playlist listing all of the videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Pj3hPLsv0&list=PLNmrHdaQSAvIkhNtLWKs-osheX1SoBFpI

~

 

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more!

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.