Living Into Healing at Our Sanctuary: My Exodus Journal – Entry Six

IMG_1914By Kathleen Calder

At the time I am writing this, it is day 5 of us living full-time at Rancho Amigos. Our journey has ended in one way and yet has only just begun in another. It’s almost impossible to imagine that life could get much better than this… it hasn’t even felt that difficult for my parts to let go of having the internet on a regular basis (I’ll be in Tomatlan when I post this, to use internet and run errands). There is so much to do, yes, but more importantly and desirably than that, there’s a lot to take in. New possibilities and excitements are taking the place of living in a culture where stress is a key part of life and fear of rejection even more so. I mention that last piece – fear of rejection – specifically because of what I feel happening in my process right now.

I’m entering a phase where much of the surface of my emotional body has been healing and now I can go into what has actually been at the core of my emotional wounding and perhaps everyone in the world’s emotional wounding – deep feelings of unworthiness. Even now I feel myself scratching the surface of that core-wounding in myself, and I trust it will be a step-by-step process to get to the “thud” inside of it. What’s especially helping me right now is the support and love of my community, yes, but also the enchanting surroundings of the ranch. The magical feeling of being here, digging in the dirt to get our edible garden started, and being surrounded daily by a wide array of beautiful animals is all helping to push up any feelings of unworthiness in me that are due to arise. And the sweet part of that is all the while I am feeling what I’m feeling, I also get to feel the comfort and love of all that is so naturally and easily holding me right now. I am not transcending and medicating, forcing myself out of my pain by feeling my oneness with nature, but I am instead allowing nature to push up my feelings of inadequacy, undesirability, ugliness, etc. and then help me heal them, moment by moment. It feels like the ranch itself has its own soul, its own consciousness, asking each of us to become immersed and involved in it, asking us to claim it deeper and deeper…to take care of it and its needs so it can better take care of us and ours.

On that note, there is a book I’d like to recommend. It’s called Gaia’s Garden by Toby Hemenway. This book has a lot of information on creating an ecological garden that is meant to not only serve you, the consumer of its produce, but also meant to serve the earth and its creatures, from helpful microbes, to bees and other integral insects, to larger animals. It’s my feeling as we dive deeper into creating our own eco-garden that this is such a critical piece for people everywhere, not just because of collapse. In fact, you don’t really need to buy into collapse at all to understand that the planet, from which we have taken and continue to take many resources directly from and are destroying it in the process, really needs us to give back to it however we can. This is the whole point of the eco-garden, actually. And, on top of that, Gaia’s Garden has tons of information on how to start your own even if you live in the ‘burbs.

Just before sitting down to write this, I was taking an end-of-the-work-day dip in the river that is only a few feet away from where we are temporarily camping on the ranch. We’re camping while we wait for the house we’ll be living in to be finished. That’s how badly we wanted to be here. Plus there’s nothing like sleeping under the stars in such a potent, natural setting. Actually, where we’re camping right now is where our volunteers and group retreat or immersion attendees will be camping. We’ve begun creating our first garden here too, in a designated garden plot that was gifted to us by someone who was intending to use it for themselves but will no longer be living at the ranch. We have our own plot of land that we need to start working on eventually as well, and as these projects emerge, we feel more and more compelled to have volunteers come help us. We need the help, but we also have so much here we want and are able to share with others that it feels that much more desirable to have people come stay and work with us. Also, if you came for a retreat or immersion there is no way you could leave here unchanged. That’s not only because of the quality of healing we would offer you, but because of the intense beauty, serenity and deeply catalytic quality of life on this ranch as a whole.

And so, it is with a full and expanding heart that I invite you, yes YOU, to come out here and give yourself that gift. It just occurred to me that just being on the ranch itself is in some ways the epitome of what we experience in SoulFullHeart: intense immersion into a new way of seeing, feeling and experiencing yourself and your life, with the promise of another side to your pain though the catalysts that launch you into your pain in the first place are anything but impotent.

Kathleen Calder is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, SoulFullHeart retreats volunteer coordinator, and has been involved with SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since January, 2012.

Lighting Your Fire And Taking Action Before Collapse Comes


By Jillian Vriend

Seeking knowledge about current world conditions that contribute to an overall sense of impending collapse is important. It’s a necessary phase that provides a growing sense of urgency, like putting kindling on a fire before you light it. The kindling could be scouring the internet for alternative news sources, reading social critics who provide a more radical and controversial viewpoint such as James Kunstler or Thomas Lewis and connecting with like-minded people in online and local transition communities to receive validation for your growing certainty about collapse coming. The sticks pile up and grow as your mind deconditions from cultural conditioning and seeks to separate from the group mentality that is so pervasive in our culture.

But, then what? You’ve got a nice pile of kindling going but it isn’t actually keeping you warm. When are you going to light the match? When are you going to start throwing logs on to get your fire really going? Lighting the match is about actually taking action, doing something in response to all that you’ve learned about collapse and are digesting with others. For us, lighting our match was about initially assessing if where we were living was going to provide us with the four essentials of survival: the logs of our fire, if you will, and then, taking action to find our sanctuary. We asked ourselves some hard questions, including if where we were living in British Columbia, Canada near the city of Vancouver on a coastline that is only accesible by ferry was really the sanctuary we wanted post collapse? Due to its high cost of living pre-collapse, short growing season, cold winters, and the significant impact that post collapse life would have on the people there (we imagined a lot of looting and panic), the answer was ‘no’. There is fresh water there and perhaps more chance to survive related to climate change, but, for us, the need for warm climate that provided a long growing season and less reaction after collapse from local people outweighed all that.

Once we decided that we weren’t staying in the same area and needed to leave as soon as possible, the match was lit to begin researching a place to go with a warmer climate. We decided on Mexico because we could drive there by car; we were more familiar with it; it has very fertile land; and the infrastructure collapse will be much less jarring than in western cultures. Quite quickly we found Rancho Amigos, a 700 acre ecovillage about two hours from Puerto Vallarta with hundreds of fruit trees already planted there and multiple natural spring water sources. Solid infastructure has been built there for many years, including extenstive water pipelines to every house and trees. There is a community kitchen and bathroom/shower building, plus two large palapas which would allow us to host groups, couples, and individual retreats and a low cost volunteer program. We also liked that it wasn’t a community based on a guru or religious belief system, but was about individual lot and home owners living in a community that offered the potential of collaboration without a set expectation around it.

The ranch provided the most essential logs for our survival fire post collapse: shelter, fresh water, fresh food (the fruit trees plus organic food we would grow ourselves), and safety (being in a remote location that has good challenges in traveling easily to it.) With the potential of being at this ranch and feeling the logs of survival taken care of, we lit the match and began our exodus journey from Canada to Mexico, which I describe here.

The point of this article is that it feels as if more and more people are becoming aware of collapse and are in the kindling gathering stage. But, if they do not take action and light that fire and find those survival logs, all of their knowledge won’t mean anything when collapse happens and, sadly enough, they will perish along with those who never saw it coming at all.

Taking action is scary. Very scary. This is why parts of people debate endlessly about which place to go to without actually going anywhere, (if they decide that they can’t stay where they are, which is of course the ideal decision if the four ‘logs’ of survival are available). We feel strongly that the winter of this year and going into spring of next year will bring some major changes to the industrial world, economic and political systems especially. This is based on research but, also, it is based on our own intuitions and guidance from the Divine. For those who don’t feel or experience Divine guidance, I imagine that it’s hard to get what I am saying. But even if you don’t, I am urging you to take action based on your own instinct then. And start taking action immediately, way before collapse makes it so much harder and maybe even impossible to do so. Basically, stop talking about it and do it.

Yes, there will be fear and anxiety. There was and still is for us, even as we are now in the final stage of moving onto the ranch and hoping to begin planting seeds in the next few weeks. We’ve spent many years of focus on our emotional and spiritual healing, which I feel does make it easier for us in some ways. But, even with that, I feel that anyone can move forward from where they are and begin to find their sanctuary and making their way there or creating it out of what they have. Living ‘as if’ collapse is coming brings a purpose and momentum to life even if it is years before the ‘official’ collapse of industrial society actually happens.

We have already experienced so many gifts from making this life change, from living ‘as if’ collapse could happen any moment. We have left a cold and dreary climate to a warm one that doesn’t have frost or snow. We have increased our knowledge immensely of native plants, edible weeds and flowers, making our own soups and cleaning projects, living off of solar, etc. all of which makes us feel more empowered rather than dependent on the ‘grids’ to provide for us. As a community, we’ve increased our sense of collaboration, trust, and love with each other- even as we’ve had issues to sort out at times along the way. For me, as a healer and teacher, I feel a renewed sense of dedication to what I feel I am here to bring the world because I am even more deeply living my message with integrity. I am ‘walking my talk’, which is rare in the world of spirituality and emotional healing. I also feel more surrender into accepting that my form of service may come more in growing vegetables than in serving others.

We have thought of our own survival first, and yet, as healers for many years, we want to offer what we’ve experienced, learned, and drawn to ourselves with others. We would love to be a launching ground for someone who wants to learn about sustainable living, receive emotional support to make the transition, and experience living ‘off-grid’ without internet, cell phones, electricity, city water, and in a remote naturally beautiful location. If you can take that leap of courage, light your fire to come visit us for one of our retreats while it is still possible pre-collapse, the rest will unfold from there. And also check out the Rancho Amigos website to see about purchasing a house lot there yourself- maybe it will speak to you as your sanctuary as it did for us. And if it doesn’t, discovering and acting needs to be more important than gathering more facts about what is happening.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, retreat facilitator, author of In The Arms Of Mother, Dialogues With Divine Mother, and Under The Bloated Banyan, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.

Back To Me: Feeling The Emotional Root Cause Of Illness And Injury


By Christopher Tydeman

In the moment, I am on my back. For the past ten days I have been mostly on my back. At some point I strained a muscle and it has caused much pain in sitting and generally moving around. Except when I am laying on my back. My first response was to determine the origination of the injury from a physical stand point. While there was definitely a physical component, doing a strenuous exercise before I was ready and not having strong core muscles, in SoulFullHeart we ask ourselves what was the larger emotional preursor to the injury. Since the emotional body is connected to the physical body, there is an emotional root cause. Now, I could look at it energetically, in terms of a dis-ease in my first chakra, which is true, and get some relief through some energy work, but that still doesn’t take me to the deeper layer, where if left unfelt, would just come back around again at some point in my life. I have not truly “healed” myself; I just kicked the can down the road.

All the physical and energetic remedies should come secondary to the emotional. Now, if I was in absolute pain, I would self-lovingly find relief, but I would still need, and desire, to feel the emotional root at some point afterward. I have been doing exercises and using cold and hot compresses to aid in my recovery, but I have been offered to feel what the injury brings up for me. What is my back trying to tell me? What part of me needs me to feel it so I can help heal its wounds? What is the greater context to being in this state of incapacitation? If I spent my time taking drugs, watching movies, or trying to solve my “problem”, I am missing out on a sacred gift.

How could back pain be a gift? A part of me would ask the same question. But by asking some questions and being vulnerable, we get to feel a bigger relationship to life. What was happening in my life when the injury occurred? What was I suppressing or resisting? How do I feel about myself in this state? Where do those feelings come from? Are they really mine or do they come from a part of me that has held them? What can I offer this part of me to feel that it has a safe place to express itself? What is my current connection to the Divine and what support and guidance can I let in? These are SoulFullHeart questions. They bring in much more consciousness than what western culture in general would just see as a situation to fix or something to power through.

In my case, before the injury I was feeling a deep tension around this new chapter of my life. I left Canada with my SoulFullHeart family to exodus from the unsustainable culture of the western world and seek sanctuary in Mexico for its climate and ideal growing conditions. It was also a choice to feel myself differently, more authentically, away from the conditioning and comfort zone of that world. Who could I be? Who would I be when all the default toggles and switches didn’t work anymore? This brought an immense control/fear response from a part of me as I engaged in the journey from Canada, crossing borders, driving in a foreign country, trying to communicate with minimal Spanish, not knowing whether our desired destination would work for us or if we would be welcome. There was a sense of just surviving each day for a part of me, holding a need for control and knowing. I did not have much authentic me in the room to feel the joy and the adventure, as well as the fear from this part.

As we eventually found a welcome home at Rancho Amigos, we had to find a temporary home in nearby Tomatlan until the home we are staying at on the ranch is ready. This is where I feel the tension swelled and pooled up in my lower back and created the perfect condition for a part of me to be felt in its fear. It also created the space for me to reconnect to the Divine Mother, which had been lacking for some time. I have needed this time to feel my desire for being in community with those who see and encourage my bigness and gifts, being in connection with the Divine and the context and love that comes with that, and being in relationship to my parts that need to feel me holding them in all they need to be held in.

Being immobile brought me to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, control, burden, and a need to ‘do’ to in order to feel my value and worth. I began to journal with a part of me that had the voice of punishment and judgment. This is a big place for me to go, as it has been a lifelong crucible for me to value my own worth and feel my own power. This is amplified in community when others are having to do a little more to make up for the resting body, and to feel the love with which they do it because you are genuinely cared for. THAT is what ultimately triggers the underlying lack of worth. That is the water that brings up the oil that Kathleen referred to in her last blog.

I am still in dialogue with this part of me. It takes time for them to feel comfortable enough to really feel the depth of the pain that they hold. But it is starting place from which true healing and transmutation can happen. Over time, the voice and energy will soften, transform, and integrate. It will lead me to my true power, in heart and spine. Hmmm. Interesting. This is something I would not have felt if I hadn’t gone into the emotional and spiritual aspect of this injury. That my back represents my growing spine, my inherent self-authorized power and creativity, and my energetic ground to the earth below me. Wow. How cool.

With resting parts, a new wave of creativity has been unearthed in me. A desire to reclaim my heartistry through designing meaningful mandalas for myself, for others, and the Divine. I have felt my authentic desire to be a healer, to claim my place within an intensely beautiful community, and to feel the greater context of what this life has to offer. There will still be moments of uncertainty, doubt, and fear, but through this experience I will have more of me to be able to be with that. This, I’m sure, will be a gift that will keep on giving “back” to myself.

So the next time you find yourself sick or injured, I hope you find some inspiration to ask yourself some bigger questions. Questions that may lead you to take stock of the why and get you on a path to truly healing yourself authentically and consciously. If you wish to know more, visit our website at to learn about our body consciousness retreat in April that focuses on this type of conscious, integrative healing. It will change the way you relate to your body, heart, and soul. Guaranteed.

Christopher Tydeman is a SoulFullHeart facilitator and healing arts facilitator.

I See You: Message To The False Self

Divine Mother Mandala by Christopher Tydeman
Divine Mother Mandala by Christopher Tydeman

The following is a message that Jillian received from the Divine Mother directed toward the false self in us all. This is an excerpt from her book, Dialogues With The Divine Mother: Messages Of Real Love in the Age of the False Self:

I see you. You there, reading these words. I feel you. You there, taking in these words. I know you. You there, blocking out these words. I want you. You there, curious about these words.

You there….I see, feel, know, and want you. I see you because I have witnessed your creation. You were a necessary aspect of human evolution. You were a surprise, an arising that I didn’t expect. Your time of unconscious dominance is nearing its inevitable end. Yet, you are wanted. Wanted by me and wanted by the sacred human seed that you protect so vigilantly.

Wait, was I not supposed to see that seed? Was I not supposed to want that seed to grow? I planted that seed in every human being. I planted that seed so that it would grow. Seeds need to be watered. Seeds need to bloom. You have been so long protecting that seed, you’ve forgotten the nature of that seed and of yourself.

Let me introduce you to that seed: That seed is the sacred human. That seed will blossom into a sacred human heart that can hold you. That seed will grow into a sacred human heart that can feel you. That seed will become a sacred human heart that can heal you. Rather than protecting that seed from growing, you are meant to let that seed grow and feel protected by what it blossoms into.

Is this difficult for you to accept? Do you resist what I am offering? That’s ok. The sacred human self can hold those feelings too. You feel resistance because you haven’t experienced enough real love. You feel difficulty in accepting this because you haven’t experienced enough real love. You don’t want to let in what I am offering because you haven’t experienced enough real love.

I don’t know how much of this you can let in right now or much you are supposed to let in. I only know what is possible if you do. What is possible is that finally you can experience real love. In the experience of real love, you are able to share your reactions, your tensions, your feelings, your pains, your joys, your desires, your fears, your dreams, your resistance,  your ache…ALL of it.

You can finally let go of what you’ve been holding so closely that you haven’t been able to see it. You wear all of it like an armor that blocks out and resists real love. You can be released from this armour, but the process and pace of removing it is completely up to you.

I see you choosing paths and teachers promising you bliss, promising you enlightenment, promising you freedom from everything that you feel, promising you that YOU get to remain as YOU without question. This is not what I am offering will lead to real healing for you. You must become real….come out as what we are calling the ‘false self’ and all of its parts….in order to experience real love. No more hiding. You must step forward and say, “Ok, I am open to being a false self. I am curious about this sacred human seed. I am ready to be felt.”

That’s it. That’s all you have to do and the rest will naturally happen from there. That doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges and difficulties. Giving up what is false to experience real love is painful at times, very challenging at times…..but the challenges are worth the reward of experiencing real love and finally being able to rest and breathe and heal. To finally be real.

It’s your choice. You can keep seeking and searching down paths that don’t directly challenge you as a false self. But I think we both know where those lead. You are just putting off the inevitable need for you to experience direct healing. Or you can choose to begin your journey into healing of your heart, discovering your true essence, and experiencing real love. That’s the choice I want for you. That’s the choice I’m waiting for you to make. That’s the choice that brings you to me and into my arms of real love.

With love,

Your Divine Mother

Dialogues With Divine Mother Available Now: Messages Of Real Love In The Age Of The False Self


Purchase the e-book edition.

Book Description:

My love is universally available. Every sacred human heart can let it in, the seed for which is planted in every human being. I am of the world and for the world. ~ Divine Mother

It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, unconscious state. ~ Divine Mother

Dialogues with Divine Mother offers that this is a crucial time for the human species to experience the soothing, catalytic, curious, and wise energy of the feminine face of God in a deeply personal and intimate way. For over 60 days author Jillian Vriend seeks guidance from and is felt by the Mother related to events happening in her daily life, including giving up most of her belongings and home to move into an RV as a means to align her lifestyle to her soul calling as a spiritual teacher and healer based on guidance from the Mother.

“Connection with the Divine Mother is easy. It really is,” writes Jillian. “What isn’t easy is claiming it. We have to wade through lifetimes of religious conditioning that denied the existence of any feminine frequencies of God. We have to sort through lifetimes of accepting that we weren’t worthy to claim a connection and instead let others interpret and apply Divine guidance, usually with disastrous results. We have to digest lifetimes of handing over our sovereignty and authority to others who claimed to be God even when they were very definitely humanly wounded and flawed.”

The Divine Mother offers deeply thought and heart provoking messages of real love in the age of false self collapse through lively conversations about global collapse, spirituality and religion, deconstructing the false self, codependent relationships, sexuality, body consciousness, birth family relationships, vegan lifestyle, livelihood, vulnerable leadership, and much more. Most of all, what the Divine Mother offers is real love in this age of the false self.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, group/couples/individual retreat facilitator, parts work facilitator, author of In The Arm Of Mother and Under The Bloated Banyan, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.

When Love Brings Up Oil: My Exodus Journal-Entry Five



By Kathleen Calder

In SoulFullHeart, we like to point out to each other that the deeper the reaction you feel from parts of you, the more healing you are actually letting in. “The water of love brings up oil”. God, is that ever true… I actually feel a newly uncovered part of me saying that just now. I’m on my third day of working with her so far (feels like she’s tracking that) and she arrived on what feels like a geyser of oil shooting up from the centre of my emotional body. It wasn’t surprising she appeared when she did, given that this whole experience with SoulFullHeart is all about letting in and transacting waves of love with each other and with the Divine, specifically in the form of the Divine Mother. That doesn’t mean not being challenged though… yet it’s amazing what can happen inside you and how you are able to grow and heal when you are being challenged on a wave of love.

This “new” part of me is a new face of my inner punisher. It has been a whole year since the last time I had a strong punishing voice to process. This time feels different though. More intense in ways. Yet the intensity is so easily matched by the love of Mother. It’s like a transfusion – trading the intensity of self-hate for the same degree of intensity in self-love. This part is named “Barb”. So named in representation of the barbs it felt like she would shoot outwardly to others and inwardly to myself and her. She is okay with me stating her name and it feels like she may be okay with me sharing a bit of our process together as well. I feel her having a push-pull around it. She says she wants to share her story, but she is not so into feeling herself not landing. Something that she is very tender around right now as she learns what it feels like to be “out” even in the safety of our SoulFullHeart circle, my heart, and the arms of Mother.

In a lot of ways this differentiation is a tricky one for me right now. That’s how deep the fusion with her can go. I am trying, as we journal and respond to life together, to sort out the threads of what is authentically me and what is her. It is always important to inhabit this very sacred process, yet it feels even more crucial now, given what I am doing out here in Mexico, and what I am making an effort to inhabit daily. For the first time in my life, in many ways, I am at last living into my authentically adult self and my authentic expression as a woman. Somehow this ties directly into my current process with Barb, who represents the barbs and tendrils of inauthentic womanhood and feminine wounding passed down through generations in my birth family. She holds the voice of rejection of who I am, what I look like, and what I/she has to say. She holds the voice not only of the subliminal and outright messages from my birth family, but also those of the Western culture.

It just occurred to me that maybe I couldn’t have gone this deeply into this cultural conditioning if I was still living in Canada, just as it would be that much harder to identify my birth family wounding if I was still in relationship with them.

It’s commonly known that we can’t know or see exactly the mess and entanglements we are in until we have found our way out of them. I often hear this said about abusive romantic relationships. When we are still in it, it is virtually impossible to see the situation for what it really is. Jillian had this experience with the group she was with previously called Emotional Body Enlightenment, which she writes about in her book, Under The Bloated Banyan. It took a major phoenix cycle for her to get out, and much processing of what she had just been through, to be able to see the group and its leader for what it and he really was, and sort through the whole experience for herself. I feel myself in a similar process now, though without going into as an intense an experience as Jillian had.

I am still sorting out the pieces of, ‘this, not that’ when it comes to my life as it was before I left Canada. This may be ongoing for a while, but I’m so glad I have access to Mother and access to parts of me that need me and need Her. Plus I have a community that deeply values healing and supports me fully in whatever process I am in – even in the past when that has meant me needing to leave them for a phase. I couldn’t be better set up to heal what I am working to heal. I feel a mix of gratitude and tiredness when I write that. I think the tiredness is partly from Barb, wondering how much more “work” we need to do together. So I need to keep gently reminding her that it’s one small step at a time.

Healing is work, but it’s a gradual unfolding. There’s a commitment, yes, but that commitment can only be as deep as your desire is to heal. And it’s not so much Barb’s commitment that I need – it’s mine. If I can show up for her daily, or however often she needs, then I am showing up for myself and my healing and not some meaningless exercise or empty-hearted daily routine.

I think that now gives you a good dose of where I’ve been at the past while. And of course while I’m holding my own process there is the general process of preparing for the ranch… and the gigantic change and transmutation of my life that will be. Wow. Yes, so much more processing to do around that, as I can feel some tension around the reality of it and just how big of a deal it is. Lots of digestion to happen there… giddy up! :)

Kathleen Calder is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, SoulFullHeart retreats volunteer coordinator, and has been involved with SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since January, 2012.

What Ferguson Invites Us To Feel About Collapse: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse


By Jillian Vriend

Outer violence is an expression of an unhealed inner violence. If someone is acting violently, it is because there are violent feelings happening inside of them from one part of them to another.

Jillian: Hola Mother

Divine Mother: Hola Jillian

J: I feel something stirring in me and I wanted to process it with you. I am compiling the 60 days of journaling that I did with you almost exactly a year ago to put it into an ebook format soon. And Christopher shared with us this morning touching journaling that he did with you.

DM: I am here for you as I am here for everyone. What did you feel stirring in you?

J: I’m sure you know…as it feels like you track all world events…of the rioting, protesting, and looting that is going on in Ferguson, Missouri after the decision not to indict a cop in the murder of an unarmed black kid.

DM: Murder…yes. It is murder. Unjustifiable murder. But then, murder is never justified.

J: Never? What about in self defense?

DM: The situation of violence predicating more violence is never justifiable. Not in the sense of natural balance in the universe. Animals do not murder each other. They kill because they are hungry or to protect themselves or their children from being eaten. But they do not kill each other out of fear, greed, hate, abuse, corruption.

J: Ah, that point is going in. There is so much modeling from the animal world for us on how to be, yet the false self views animals only in terms of conquest. And talk about murdering something…meat is murder. Obviously, I resonate with that being vegan.

DM: As I’ve mentioned to you before, outer violence is an expression of an unhealed inner violence. If someone is acting violently, it is because there are violent feelings happening inside of them from one part of them to another.

J: We’ve experienced that in our SoulFullHeart work with people as a punisher part-shame part dynamic inside of them. It can go very deep inside of someone, like a virus that they’ve just lived with for years. A virus inherited from their parents, who had an inner or outer punishment cycle going on of their own and passed it on to their children.

DM: I understand your metaphor using a virus, but a virus is natural, where as the dynamic you speak of is not.

J: Going back to the Ferguson situation, there is something about it that is very unnerving when related to what we feel is a most likely imminent collapse of industrial society. You’ve validated that this is going to happen as what has been put out of balance needs to be put back in balance. When I see these images of people setting fire to cars and buildings, breaking into stores, blocking off bridges….I can’t imagine what intensity would be going on if they were hungry, if their bellies were empty from not getting trucked in food or they were dying of thirst when the taps get turned off.

DM: In the case of Ferguson, there are those who feel outrage; they feel that they are demanding justice. They feel that violence has been done to not just the boy who died but to them personally. But, it is still more of an idealistic protest. You are correct that if and when it gets personal, when it becomes about survival, that there is an explosive and dangerous reality coming. Much death is coming.

J: This is why we are here right now. Sitting in Mexico, about to move onto a ranch with an independent water and food source that is two hours from a major city. It’s not just fear of the violence though, Mother, or even just about self preservation. It is about feeling all these possibilities and choosing from love to make these changes. Love for the earth. Love for ourselves and those we serve love to at the ranch. Love for our bodies. Love for the animals on the ranch.

DM: Yes, as you’ve said, truly courageous actions come from love not from fear.

J: People who do not want to accept collapse have told us that we are paranoid or just coming from fear. They do not feel how it is love for ourselves and the earth and for you which drives us and motivates us. People who choose to remain in situations where they are dependent on government systems for their very survival are the ones motivated by fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of change. Fear to be autonomous. Fear to take action.

DM: They can understand being motivated by fear. Being motivated by love is something very new. But it is the seed of every human. It is in the seed of their sacred humanity.

And you are not paranoid, but realistic. You see the situations happening around the world- the war, the death, the violence, the destruction of the earth, and you ask, “What actions can I take, both externally and internally” in response to these actions? The unrealistic person with their head in the sand may not even see what is happening, but, even if they do, they are paralyzed to even ask the question, much less take action.

J: I feel the intensity of this time we live in. I feel sadness that my own daughter is currently living in the western world in a place in an unsustainable lifestyle that I feel will become quite dangerous for her during collapse. But, I respect that she doesn’t feel or see it that way and has chosen to stay there for now. I’ve had to let go of a relationship with her right now though, as I have many others who haven’t seen and, as you said, asked the action question.

DM: I feel your loss, Jillian. I am sorry for it. I am with your daughter, watching out for her if and when she is ready to connect with me.

J: Thank you, Mother. I feel that it was so important to give her space to make her own decisions and to follow her own heart and soul desires, even if they differed from mine. This was for myself and for her, especially now that she is almost 20 years old. The feeling of collapse makes me want to buy her a plane ticket to Mexico and send it to her right this moment while it’s still possible to get out of Vancouver. But, that urge is based in my own fear rather then continuing to hold an invitation based in love for her to join us here. Plus, I know after so many years of working with people, that you can offer the invitation but then you have to let go of being attached to them accepting it.

DM: Yes, like the saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.”

J: You must know this so well. Watching your human children make such a bloody mess of everything here on earth. It must be so hard to just watch it.

DM: Moments like this, connecting with you and others who are open, makes it worth it. I am accepting of the death and rebirth cycle, Jillian, as I have offered for you to be. Humanity is going on a sacred journey, an autonomous journey, that I would not interfere with even if I could. But if someone wants to go on an alternative path to inhabit their connection with me and their sacred humanity, then I deeply and eagerly respond to that.

J: I love you, Mother. That’s what I feel most in this moment….is how much I love you. I feel that it has been your guidance and my surrender to it (mostly) that gives me the opportunity now to be safe and even a sense of joy and thrival about my life now and in the future.

DM: I love you too, beloved daughter. I am glad you connected to me as there is much in the grids in the moment with the many bon fires of violence glowing in your world. I am at each one, ready to suppress the flames if asked to.

J: Thank you, Mother.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, offers group, couples, and individual retreats at an off-grid ranch in Mexico, and is author of Under The Bloated Banyan and In The Arms Of Mother.