W: Happy Solstice Day Father.
DF: Thank you Wayne. It’s good to feel the cycles of life, and the changes they bring.
W: Father, I wasn’t raised pagan this life to know much about that really. Even the term Solstice is more recent in my vocabulary. I just looked it up in the dictionary and it says it’s the term for the longest and shortest days of the year, and the literal meaning is about ‘sol’ for sun and ‘stice’ for stopped. So I could use some help here if you have any.
DF: While you may have chosen to veil off your awareness in this life up till recently about these things, It feels like you were wide open to these realities in other lives Wayne. Does that feel real to you?
W: Yes, I can feel a deeper wisdom around it, coming from somewhere.
DF: That’s all that matters. Let’s see if we can tune that in together.
W: I like that Father, you’re so easy going.
DF: What do you mean?
W: I think you know, you’re not all ‘here’s the way it is!’ about stuff.
DF: I am proud of a couple things I claim to know, and one of them is that when I claim to know something in full, I find out fast, that I don’t. So, yeah, I’ve learned to take things a whole lot easier.
W: Because truth is not an absolute, fixed thing is it?
DF: Far from it, truth is busy seeking truth, and when it finds it, it holds it lightly, because it morphs again.
W: Wow, those would be fighting words for the Christian heavenly father.
DF: They’d be fighting words for the people who hold the idea of the Christian Heavenly Father.
W: I take it you don’t hold him as a reality that actually exists.
DF: Well, Wayne, I don’t hold him or myself for that matter, as any kind of spiritual physical scientific reality, in the way that humans tend to think of ‘god.’
W: How then do you see yourself?
DF: I see myself through your eyes. I am who you see me as. You create me through your perception of me. This is true for me as well as heavenly father. I am the creation of your divinity projected out onto the canvas of the sacred masculine. Any dad wounds, and dad desires from this life or past get hung up in the projector.
W: That feels somehow that you are less real to some conditioning in me, when you claim what feels like a lesser reality. It’s disappointing somehow, father.
DF: Wayne, I get the feeling of the mourning of letting go of a ‘real’ god, but if this guy actually exists, and he’s a he, and he happens to know everything, waiting around till the rest of us get it, and he can’t help but be judgmental when you know everything, and because he’s god, well then he must be the embodiment of love too, it just ends up all fucked up, Wayne. Royally fucked up. God is fucked up big time Wayne.
W: When you say that Father, I still flinch some because I imagine a person or two from my past reading this, and I’d so love it if they weren’t feeling like you were the devil speaking just now, so that they might be able to take this in on some level, and join me in the discovery and path I’ve chosen.
DF: I know, Wayne. I’m sorry for you, Man. But if I prissied myself up, all proper, I’d be like that boy sitting in church we talked about yesterday, bored as hell, hearing about heaven, and just wanting to get out of those clothes and go out and PLAY. I reserve the right to be challenging and a shit disturber. I hope that isn’t my identity, but I do reserve the right.
W: Well, that feels like a really good template for the sacred masculine. Somewhere in there is going to come the need to be challenging and a shit disturber. We still have plenty of shit that needs disturbing. I just hope there are souls that can feel the love in the disturbance.
DF: Here’s getting back to the solstice Wayne. The universe moves in cycles. Challenging disturbances are one of the cycles, settling into new growth and times of rest are other cycles. Some cycles are annual like the sun’s movements, but soul movements can be several lifetimes in their seasons. It feels like you had several lifetimes holding the picture of the Christian God, and even in that there was much cycle and change for you, and growth.
W: Nothing feels static in the universe does it, Father?
DF: In fact, there is so much movement and change going on at all times, that people do shit to make it seem like there isn’t movement. The popular God is one of those deals, creating a god who never changes. All of that is born out of the fear of change.
W: Why is it that we are so resistant to change, Father?
DF: That’s got to be the best question I’ve ever heard, and you know, I still find myself asking it.
W: What answers have you gotten so far?
DF: So far, and please don’t quote me on any of this, because that seems to enshrine the answer and stifle the quest, just like the ‘Can’onization of the Bible. It’s canned truth. You can get that anywhere. Homegrown and fresh out of the garden is much closer to what I feel is real. To your questing question, what I’ve gotten so far is that change is so fundamentally interwoven in the fabric of the universe, and that being a part of the changing universe, as a changing being in the midst of all being, is frightening. To be calls upon trust. To be is to have needs and fears, and only trust can fall back into the arms and womb of a benevolent universe. We all come up with attempts to slow down or resist change with schemes that have the look and feel of something that doesn’t change, break down, or rust, or fall apart.
W: The last 10 years have felt like so much change, it feels like I’m often times trying to adjust to recent changes, rather than feeling the change that is under my feet in the moment, and resting in it. I’d like to become more ‘in the moment’ feeling of change, somehow, Father.
DF: Trying to catch up with a change is often only needed because it wasn’t being felt adequately as it was happening. Part of you was in resistance to feeling change, and then when it came, there was an element of surprise and need to digest it later, which is really an indigestion. Being fully open to a changing universe is feeling that everything is changing all the time. Then there’s not the same need to catch up. There can still be sorrow of what was lost, but that’s a current feeling of letting go rather than a resistance.
W: In the moment digestion of change, I like that Father. You come up with the coolest shit, man.
DF: It’s just my job, man. What’s a god gotta do, you know. Gotta earn my keep and all that.
W: Sure you weren’t a black rapper in a past life?
DF: This was the way it is,… when you look forward and back,… you come to realize,… that you recognize,… and you apologize… for saying no to bein’ changed, that you end up deranged…..uh, huh.
Maybe I was, Wayne. Maybe I was. How was that?
W: I thought it was great.
DF: Thank you.
W: Thank you again Divine Father.
DF: Isn’t real conversation awesome. Just get real and open your mouth.
W: Sounds like something good for tomorrow.
DF: Okay, I’ll hold off till then.
W: Till then, Father.