The Illusion Of You: Golden Earth Tales


(Part 2 of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales)

By Raphael Awen

Who are you, dear reader of this blog? What brings you here? You’re looking for something, right? But what is that something? In fairness to you, I could turn those provocative questions on myself: Who am I, dear writer of this blog? What brings me here?

The rational mind and language itself stumbles in this domain of heart.

In the root of our heart and psyche though are these embedded questions of ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What am I?’….they are seeking some kind of a response. These are the questions that make up our life quest and offer it meaning. The response you’ll have to accept though will be an energetic one, not a mental one, as we shall see.

In part 1 of this blog series, I described my visit to the parallel dimension Golden Earth. I believe this experience came to me as part of my deep, lifelong quest to explore the ‘Who am I?’ question. Building from there in this blog series, I offer a framework of the path and experiences that led me there. Am I biased? Hell, yeah! How and where it lands in you is sovereignly up to you. Remember, the plumber may claim experience and even expertise, but he only gets his authorization to come into your house and address your problem from you. What’s good for the plumber is good for the spiritual teacher too; both get their authority, their permission to serve from the sovereign of the house – you.

My truth is this……that who you actually are and what you actually are is not who and what you think you are. Who you think you are is a self-perception that is presently encrusted in the five-sense reality dimension of physical earth, the rational mind, and collective consciousness. Those are the things that we have all agreed upon are the umpires that call ‘what’s in’ and ‘what’s out’ of your reality. As much spiritual and emotional work you and I may have done, we don’t get to walk away easily from this consensus reality and its effect in our psyche. We are social beings who seek to know ourselves by comparative difference; but not so different that we no longer feel like we belong. Therein lies the rub.

In that milieu, either directly or indirectly, we are often brought the ‘who are you?’ question. Most every time we respond, myself included, with some form of telling people the basic facts about us and what we do. ‘My name is Michael, I’m 49, I’m married to Susan, I’m a computer programmer and I live in San Francisco.’ Sorry, but all that didn’t even come within a country mile of who you are. You told us about you, it’s periphery; it’s a story. You didn’t get to your essence.

Well, ‘fair enough,’ we might say. ‘I don’t think the person questioning was looking for anything deeper.’ True, but is that enough for you? If it is enough for you, it isn’t for me, and I say ‘Go Home.’ Hanging around here will only frustrate you (and me), so I invite you to strongly consider taking your leave. Look for a plumber when the need arises. I’ve needed to do just that many times in my life to find my own truth and my own authority.

‘No, it’s not enough!’ I hear your heart saying, if you’re taking me up on my offer. ‘I am not my name. I am not my marital status, nor my gender or my age. I am not my profession or my place of residence.’

We may then go another round and wax a bit more poetic. ‘I am a lover of animals.’ ‘I enjoy gardening.’ ‘My passion is to help children with learning difficulties.’ It’s still in the realm of what you do, albeit with more heart, but still more story that falls short of essence. Nice try, but try again.

Going deeper, we could say that you are not your past, present, or future. Neither are you your body, your personality, your emotions, your desires, your dreams, or anything else in the realm of things you have. By process of elimination, we are getting closer to seeing through this illusion of you to finding your essence. But we’re not there yet. What else could speak to this essence, if the mind and even language itself stumble at the challenge?

The quest isn’t a small one, or even one you will ever completely solve. If you’re like me, you’ve eaten up a big chunk of life already in this lion-size hunger of yours.

I was an all-in Christian for much of my life and if had I been raised a Muslim, or a Buddhist, I’m sure I would have given myself just as fully to that answer at hand for as long as I needed, given the size of my hunger to know. I was more surprised than anyone around me by my sudden admission that Christianity had given me all it could. As an adult, I bought into what I was raised in because of its promise that it would hold me with its watertight answers for a lifetime. Leaving was anything but easy. It meant giving up my deepest treasures and identity to go back into the renewed search for meaning, no longer dulled by answers.

I recall the big yellow Christian bumper sticker campaign in my hometown in the late 70’s, proclaiming, ‘I Found It’. Well, in 2008, ‘I Lost It,’ and I had to come back to my essential quest. I am not unique in this. People that have subscribed deeply to a mainstream answer are finding it eroding in the rigors of their hearts, lives and shifts in the collective. ‘Answers’ in this way are what kill quests.

For many, or even most, these questions are too uncomfortable to face. “I can get out of joint if I keep contemplating my navel,” a former friend once offered, “or I can get on with what’s in front of me.” It’s hard at times not to envy this person, but consciousness has a way of maturing, and what was before off one’s radar, no longer is. Your consciousness simply outgrew itself, and as much as you may want to, there’s no getting back into the box. Welcome to the club.

We’ve been speaking of this question and its quest so far from a mental perspective. We’ve been employing the mind as our tool of inquiry. If you are feeling some angst to break through something or out of something as you are feeling into this question with me, I’d like to offer that what you are coming up against is the limitations and frustrations of the mind. The mind does many things amazingly well, but in other things, it fails miserably. This quest and its question cannot ever be ‘answered’ in any final sense. To the mind, this is bad news if it sees this as a statement of its inadequacy.

It can, however, instead actually be good news, if it sees this a retirement party. Here the mind can finally acknowledge with relief the lousy explanations you’ve been giving yourself and others to the ‘Who are you?’ question. Here the mind can sit back and marvel, at the lure of what every cult, culture, religion, spirituality and philosophy on the planet seeks to offer this quest, without assuming responsibility to sort through any of it. The rational mind was never meant to handle these questions.

As Rumi offered, ‘Only with the heart can you touch the sky.’ These questions are questions of the heart. It is the heart that holds our curiosity to know. It is the heart that spans the realms of both your expression and your essence. The knowing that the heart seeks is not any kind of a mental explanation. It is a ‘knowing and feeling’ that transcends the mind, and that reaches into essence, your essence. The mind, hopefully now enjoying and admitting its relief from where it floundered, is now welcome to this domain where the heart is the guide and authority. Here the mind, in surrender to the heart has a place, as a much needed role model of letting in love. Here the mind can finally admit and reflect back to you the reality of your heart; “I want, I need, I hunger for more.”

With your heart now at the helm, and the mind in surrender, the nature of these questions look and feel very different. What the heart knows and feels is that who you are is infinite mystery. Who you are is ultimately unknowable. The heart however knows this unknowable. It feels it. It basks in it. The heart feels the essence of all things as love, the ultimate upstream reality. Love is the only true source and substance behind all matter, behind all being, behind all consciousness. To the heart, all else is only constructed illusion.

You are infinite love. I am infinite love. Try saying those words aloud to yourself, with eyes closed, breathing fully and deeply. ‘I am infinite love.’ Say it again. You’ll feel two things; the mind chafing a bit; and your heart reaching and expanding out into the essence of who and what you actually are. Your own heart is now initiating you into your essence. This essence is your upstream source of being that you as a unique human being are the expression of.

In the next blog in this series, I will explore this magical essence deeper; what it is and how you can know it and feel it; and where that might take you.

Raphael Awen is a co-founder of and a teacher at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. Visit for more. Follow him on twitter @raphaelawen for blog updates and more or subscribe to this blog (if not already) to receive each new posting of his and others from Soulfullheart Sanctuary directly in your email.

Openness To Feeling Our Feelings As An Awakening Process: Life At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary

By Jelayan Awen


The SoulFullHeart definition of awakening is not about being liberated from feeling anything negative. It is about having the consciousness and heart capacity to hold the reactions, move through them, and gain invaluable healing and understanding in the process.

This afternoon, I experienced a sense of feeling unhappy, which is admittedly rare for me most of the time. It was a vague feeling of unhappiness without a strong charge, but really felt more like a restlessness. I couldn’t feel specific content which created this feeling, but I sensed it has something to do with changes that are coming, both personally and for our community here at the Sanctuary. Changes that will provide a crucible for growth and self understanding, as change always does. It felt like part of me was tense about these changes and how they will impact us and what they will push up to be felt.

There was a rare breeze moving through this afternoon and it seemed to reflect my impatience back to me. As has been my spiritual practice for many years, I asked myself: “Which part of me is agitated?’ and ‘What is going on in my life right now or what has been previously subconscious to me that is now coming up?’ Finally: ‘What do I need to be open to feeling?’

This openness to feeling the source of my reactions has led me to the place I am now most of the time….can it be called, ‘awakened’? Or, even, enlightened? I suppose it could be, seen through a certain filter. Or, at least that I have had tastes of being awakened based on the experiences I have had and continue to have. Why, then, if this is true, am I feeling restless and, even, agitated? Isn’t all that supposed to be ‘behind me’?

I feel that these questions are at the heart of the distortion about being awakened or enlightened. As if, suddenly, like receiving a bolt from the sky, we are free of our feelings and reactions. As if, we are released from our humanity and no longer ‘plagued’ by shifting moods and emotional tides. Maybe for some souls this is true….maybe it was true for Buddha as he was described by others. And for Yeshua and for Krishnamurti perhaps. But, it seems to me that these saints and sages must have had passing moods and feelings too. They were human after all, even if they had ascended to a place of consciousness that is well beyond what most of us experience every day. While I admire deeply the great saints and sages, I don’t look to them for a model of being without feelings but rather as templates of how to hold higher states of consciousness and our humanity in one individual expression of Infinite Awareness and Infinite Love.

For those of us interested in personal and spiritual growth, I feel that what we are after is understanding and awareness about our reactions and moods. We want to understand and, therefore, ultimately heal our pain and suffering to experience more joy and wonder about our lives. And through this understanding, be able to make choices that feel more in alignment with who we authentically are and our soul purpose reason for being here. Perhaps some of us want to experience our nondual nature in magical moments freed from the tight constraints and filtering of our minds. Or, we want to feel the arms of the Divine around us, guiding and holding us, even as in moments It sets us free to fly our own routes, sovereignly following our passions and our desires.

The SoulFullHeart definition of awakening is not about being liberated from feeling anything negative. It is about having the consciousness and heart capacity to hold the reactions, move through them, and gain invaluable healing and understanding in the process. Being with my feelings in this way for over ten years is what has opened my heart and soul to let in the altered states of consciousness that I have experienced and the overall joyful and magical way that I relate to my life. Yes, ‘bad’ moods still occur for me, but they are held with sacredness and honor. And, they move quite quickly rather than sticking to a deeper, unconscious depression and suffering place inside of me as they did before I began my growth process.

Here at the Sanctuary, we invite everyone to share reactions and feelings that come up – as I will do at dinner tonight with my mate Raphael and others after checking in with myself and my guides to feel into the source of my feelings. Being able to share our vulnerable feelings with others who can feel us and love us is another key to awakening to our essence as Infinite Love. Without a support for our inner world to come out, our false self suppresses it and part of us pretends everything is fine. This suppression comes from a sense of feeling separate from each other, which then makes it necessary to hide what we really feel. When we are invited to be authentic with ourselves, with others, and with the Divine from a place of connection and Oneness about what we are feeling, we experience the reactions move and heal. We experience that everything about us can be held with love and sacredness, even what we would have previously judged as ‘negative’ or ‘unenlightened.’

Now that I am finished writing this blog, I feel better and lighter. My heart is filled with the truth of what I am offering and my desire to share this with others who are tired of suppressing their feelings and pretending to be what they are not. The agitated mood is moving along like the breeze, not gone for good but ebbing and flowing until I need it again.

Jelayan Awen is a cofounder of and teacher at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and author of five books. Please visit for more information about staying at the Sanctuary.

A Visit To Golden Earth: Golden Earth Tales Blog Series

By Raphael Awen




Recently, a magical and deeply personal experience surprisingly opened out for me to be given a visit to the parallel dimension of Golden Earth. It has felt so magical, so alive, so meaningful, so personal, that I hesitated to share about it to allow for a time to savor and let in all that it was – and is – opening out in me.

The intent in sharing this is not to convince you that this dimension is real or that it is accessible, but rather to offer that it is, and to allow your own autonomy and truth to resonate or not. That resonance, or absence thereof, in my truth, is what will open this out for you, or not.

I’d like to begin though by sharing a key experience that led up to this event that felt deeply related. A week or so prior to the Golden Earth experience, I went down to the hammock on the sanctuary here and I could feel a need in me as I went there. I couldn’t put my finger on what the need was, but the signature feeling of a need arising in my field was unmistakable. I lay in the hammock for most of an hour hoping to access something deeper in a meditative space, but found myself blocked somehow. I couldn’t seem to find the juice to take me deeper into my own heart. My mind seemed to distract me at every turn. Strangely, in the frustration of that blocked feeling, and accepting it for what it was, something popped that took me into some of the deepest tears of a heart and soul movement that I have ever experienced.

I felt so achingly ‘done’ with the limitations of the mind’s domination and limitation of my life and reality. I felt so ready to enter new realms of experience having been in a decade long letting go phase of life as I knew it. This was true particularly in the last year and a half having exited a 30 year career and ‘exodusing’ Canada in favor of rural Mexico. The ache was at a deep level of even wanting to die ‘if this is all there is’ kind of feeling. ‘I don’t want to live any more at this level of consciousness, I can’t and I won’t’ was the further heart cry of this ache. Wave after wave of tears rolled through. I knew that it was a doorway into some kind of initiation, and I didn’t want to miss it, even if I didn’t quite know where to file it. It felt so visceral, that even attempting to write up a long account of it in my journal felt too mental and laborious. I’ve chronicled so many lesser things in detail, but strangely, I just felt to let this experience bake in my heart and see where it would take me. And take me somewhere, it did.

It was a week then following this ache rolling through that the Golden Earth experience occurred for me. I was again in the mid afternoon going to the hammock to rest for a bit. I gave myself to a pen and paper brainstorming exercise trying to come up with a handle for a new Twitter account, as I had recently changed my name from Wayne to Raphael. After an hour or so, I was left feeling a bit mental and dense, and hungry for something.

I casually decided to do a ‘doorway’ meditation that I had recently become familiar with as a tool to access the subconscious. The tool works simply by creative visualization and a generous helping of self-permission. One imagines in detail a door, on which is placed a symbol or words of your choice, then imagining your self walking through that door, and taking note of all the feeling tones, messages or guidance that comes up on the other side of that door. Given the dense feelings I was in, I actually prepared myself a bit for a mild or even no result at all.

I chose the words ‘Infinite Love’ as the words to place on my door, as this has been an awareness that was a recently expanding theme and longing arising in me. When I felt into what kind of door this should be, I settled onto a set of stately swing gates, made out of what appeared to be a wrought iron type construct, but was actually in my imagination, a glistening aura of wrought pearl, a two inch diameter variety. The word ‘Infinite’ was also wrought in pearl, in cursive on the one gate, with the word ‘Love’ on the other. River rock columns anchored the gates. A low-rise earthen berm completed the boundary and winged off into the distance on either side of the gates. A sense of invitation filled me as I took in the meadow beyond that began to replace my earlier mental preparation for a possible underwhelming experience. I could feel the energy was different on the other side and desire was rising in me.

As I approached the gates closer and took in their beauty, tears of homecoming welled up in me, with the feeling of my heart need that I felt earlier that afternoon now leading. I let the magical words and feelings of ‘Infinite Love’ move through me. ‘I am infinite love,’ I repeated slowly to myself several times, breathing deeply as I did. The sheer craftsmanship of the gates was kind of distracting from a technician’s point of view to the heart pull and invitation that they also held. I also felt there was no rush, and to take all the time I wanted to observe my surroundings.

I was so taken with the gates that it hadn’t yet occurred to me if I could just simply open the gates. Do I just go ahead and push on them or do I need to call someone? As I felt my desire to enter and, like magic, my energy and desire and readiness to enter simply opened the gates. I was reminded of the motor mechanisms and remote control devices on the entrances to housing complexes. Here though: no devices, no noise pollution to disturb the beauty and magic. My energy was the ‘key fob’ of entry.

When I walked through the gates, I immediately felt a shift in the heart porosity and density. My needs and desires and aches were all immediately heightened. I also felt an overwhelming sense of home. The contrast of the ache for home and finding it at the same time was disorienting. I had to ‘just breathe’ if I was going to be able to take in any more. Divine Father appeared just as I was feeling the need to be hosted on whatever this tour would be. I was grateful for such a trusted guide. As I stood in the now tree surrounded meadow (landscapes morph easily here I learned) with Divine Father patiently at my side, I could do nothing but weep at taking in the being at home feeling. A deer stepped out of the trees and came toward us. The deer easily telepathed that all I was feeling was landing in its heart. “I know…I know…welcome, welcome,” he said. He then welcomed my touch, which gave me a grounding point of contact and helped me shift gears to let in more.

A natural desire arose to explore, check things out, then a bit more overwhelming feelings of ‘where do I even begin?’ Divine Father suggested a coffee shop and that felt perfect. We were both effortlessly transported to an outdoor coffee shop nestled in amongst huge evergreen trees called, ‘The Golden Earth Café’. The wait staff was unlike any I had ever experienced before, totally connected and feeling. The coffee was also a completely new experience and taste, so rejuvenating. Divine Father seemed to be just giving me space to expansively feel myself as the center of things, fading in and out as I needed him. I couldn’t help but feel all my previous years, back in Canada, early in the mornings having a Tim Horton’s coffee shop of my choice all to myself as a sacred ritual space to begin my day.

About then, a friend came by and sat down. Back in my Tim Horton’s days, I would most often have felt his presence as an intrusion. Here and now though, we communicated so heartfully and again, that effortless quality that seemed to pervade everything so far. The conversation was the most profound conversation I’d ever had with another human being. There was a complete absence of any posturing and unworthiness on either of our parts that normally chokes the flow of relationship. No fears of rejection, or if they were present, they were too small to be picked up on my radar. I felt so completely nourished by the exchange, opened out even more and enlivened. This was exactly what I had longed for all of my life to find inside of male friendship. Here, it seemed to be just the norm. I wondered if I might come to take this for granted some day.

After we were done at the Café, a further desire to explore arose. Divine Father, reading my mind, as well as my past life enjoyments, offered we could take in some of the ‘city.’ Transport was again only a thought away and the city I learned is not set in stone or concrete as it were. Rather, the city just materializes in the moment in front of the purposes and needs that arise for it, and it makes no environmental footprint somewowhow. The architecture, the cityscape, the detail was anything but thrown together, but each building lovingly energized and appointed, part of a completely different ethos. I could do nothing but look and feel myself, as a part of this wow. Divine Father said this city was put together just for our afternoon leisure, and it was ‘constructed’ out of my need along with the mood I was in. It could be replicated if I needed it to be, but the tendency here was for settings to morph and change as often as we do.

I then reached my limit for what I could take in, and Father vibed that it was best not to push it, pace myself, and that I could come back ‘whenever.’ My return to the hammock back on the sanctuary wasn’t an issue because during the whole experience, I felt like I was both in Golden Earth and the hammock simultaneously. The shepherd and a flock of sheep on the sanctuary had came through at one point during the time at the Café and bridging between the two worlds felt like an easy and grounded part of the magic. This wasn’t an ‘out of body’ experience, not yet at least.

Attempting to summarize this experience only adds to the questions that surround it. I will however offer a few observations and questions.

Willingness to feel ones emerging despair and hunger for more feels key to accessing this parallel dimension. Maybe this is the point of the time we spend in the ‘time illusion’ of this 5-sense based made up ‘reality’ we call earth; fully basking in all that earth life has to offer and coming eventually to our deep longing for more, even to the point of being done with previously treasured aspects of the earth reality. It’s hard for me to imagine myself simply stumbling upon Golden Earth while still given to and happy with my previous lifestyle as a painting contractor. The frequencies of each are simply too far apart to bridge. None of us are done with anything till we are, and until we are; the appetite to take us to a new place just isn’t there.

In an infinite-love, infinite-possibility reality, wouldn’t this hunger-for-more be way more natural than camping forever in any kind of heightened attainment? It would seem that once and for all ‘full’ fulfillment is never actually attainable, but instead something more akin to our appetite for food or sex; a back and forth of satiation, digestion and hunger for more.

So what’s happening with your hunger for more as you read this? Is my story synchronistic for you in something related to your journey, or something you’ve asked the universe for? Is there a choice or action you feel as a next step in relation to this? I’d love to hear from you what it’s about, or support you in any way I can. You can reach me at, or if you prefer, through the comment box on this blog.

Raphael Awen is a co-founder of and teacher at SoulFullHeart School Of Awakening And Sustainable Sanctuary. Please visit for more.


“Past Life” Is A Misnomer: Introducing The Metasoul: Life At SoulFullHeart School

By Jelayan Awen


I have known people, like my former spiritual teacher, who claimed to be very famous figures in their past lives: Buddha, Jesus, Socrates, Gandhi, Mohammed, and others. They expressed that this was actually quite a burden to carry the legacy of this person in their heart and soul to track and heal in this life. Their false self seemed to attach to this identification of having been these famous figures in such a way as to get status, self-image gratification, and even to occasion and excuse authoritarian abuse of others. This distortion by the false self is a definitive pitfall of being open to the exploration of past lives, but it also may be understandable given our long held picture about the nature of past lives.

I have been experiencing lately that linear time is an illusion created by our minds and that there are multiple dimensions of reality layered on top of and next to this one. There really isn’t a past, present, or future; only a NOW in which all exists in the same moment. I had been wondering how this might apply to what we have been exploring up until now as past lifetimes. Non-linear time or even no time is an incredibly hard thing for the mind to grasp as we have been conditioned to linear time, to the progression of events one after another. I admit that in some ways non-linear time and even multiple dimensional experiences still feel more in the realm of the imagination and fantasy than the hard, cold truth about reality, at least to part of me. I hold this, as everything, with an open mind and heart continuing to lead with my experience rather than grasping at an absolute truth stance around any of it.

I had been wondering how the non-linear time picture might apply to what we have been exploring in SoulFullHeart as past lifetimes. I began to discover that the reality related to our soul structure seems to be different than the ‘one soul per one body’ picture or from the reincarnation cycle in which one soul reincarnates over and over in different bodies. I first read about the ‘Oversoul’ concept through Jane Roger’s writing as Seth, a disincarnate being that she channeled for many years. To compliment the picture offered by Seth, I was offered that the origins of our soul are what I call ‘the Metasoul’. The Metasouls are non-dualistic, exist outside of time and space, and each of us has one. The Metasoul is the projector while we are what shows up on the projection screen. Every Metasoul is responsible for the projection of hundreds and perhaps thousands of expressions of itself out into different eras and dimensions.

It seems that only one projection from a Metasoul can exist in each ‘time period’ or era as it takes tremendous energy to create a projection. For example, this means that there is only one projection from my Metasoul in this modern time period that I am living in, which would be me. Also, there are projections from my Metasoul living life in the early 1900s, the 2300s the early ADs, etc., in addition to projections living life in other dimensions. The same would be true for you. All of the Metasoul projections actually exist at the same ‘time’ since there is no past, present, or future. Therefore, all of these projections or ‘Metasoul Family Members’, as I call them, can be connected with in the Now (which is different from the present of our linear time picture). Even if they have passed on from the body and are disincarnate, they can be contacted in the astral plane.

I stumbled on several of my Metasoul Sisters during my immram journeys, including an alien being, two from ‘previous’ eras, and two from other dimensions. I didn’t know that’s what they were at first, the picture emerged for me much later and the connections were both subtle and profound. I write about this experience with awakening to the reality of Metasoul family members in my forthcoming book, Keep Waking Up.

So far, my Metasoul seems to be working the themes and archetypes related to being in a female body: the queen, the priestess-healer, the mother, etc. I don’t know if it is true for all Metasouls that they seem to pick one gender over another but it makes sense in terms of truly immersing in the themes that it wishes to experience. The most remarkable thing about meeting my Metasoul sisters is that all of them felt familiar to me. They felt like ‘me’ as we share the same Metasoul source. Yet, they were all individual too as they had experienced different lives, cultural influences, and even planetary environments. It has been natural to bond with them and in this connection to discover a vast ground of mutual healing and soul gift sharing even if our experiences of reality have been very different.

My sense is when one of the projections (i.e. Metasoul family members) heals a trauma or expands its consciousness then every family member along the line in the Metasoul is impacted by that as it ripples out in a positive way – just as every trauma is felt by every Metasoul family member, even if it is stored in the collective unconscious of the Metasoul family. I also feel, as I said, that each Metasoul has certain themes and archetypes that it is working through and expressing. Through connection with our Metasoul family members, we can discover what those themes are which offers an insightful mirror into our unconscious and our souls, previously pretty mysterious terrain. Also, my Metasoul sisters connect with the others who have become conscious and so there is less for me to hold all by myself as the one who has led the consciousness awakening around all this. For example, when I imagine that Cleopatra was a Metasoul Sister of mine (which I haven’t discovered, so farJ), I would want plenty of support to digest and hold her! Plus relating to her as a sister of mine rather than as ‘having been her’ would help me stay objective with less false self attachment when relating with her.

I also feel that our Metasouls and in turn we form alliances with other Metasouls and play out different configurations with them through multiple eras and dimensions. We can look at the beloveds in our life, especially the ones who have grown and changed with us, and sense that there is something deeper in our bond than just from present lifetime experiences. I believe this expanded picture is what we have up until now called a ‘soulmate.’ In a soulmate bond, we don’t share the same Metasoul, but our Metasouls have a long legacy of connection. I feel this with my mate Raphael, whose Metasoul I have discovered already is in relationship with some of my Metasoul Sisters from other eras. The fascinating thing is that the themes that Raphael is experiencing with his Metasoul Brothers are similar to things playing out between he and I in this life. Some of these themes can be subtle, too, and yet are undeniable in the connections that can be made. I look forward to exploring this ground of our relationship with him more as we both connect with our Metasoul family members. I feel it will enrich our relationship and help illuminate struggles or conflicts that we might have beyond what might be sourced in and expressing from this life.

As a teacher and facilitator, I feel excited by the possibilities of helping others at the School discover their Metasoul family members through immrams and integrating this relationship into their awakening process. Identifying Metasoul themes and archetypes offers a deep and rich new ground for exploration, especially for those of us who have gone quite extensively into healing from present lifetime experiences. It feels like an expansive new terrain for discovery.

Let the questing begin!

Jelayan Awen is a cofounder of and teacher at the SoulFullHeart School and author of five books. Please visit for more information about the SoulFullHeart School Of Awakening And Sustainable Sanctuary.


Physical Work As Part Of The Awakening Process: Life At SoulFullHeart School


Cob Cabana we are building

By Jelayan Awen

I have never worked as physically hard in my life as I have since moving to our sustainable sanctuary over a year ago. I imagine anyone who has ventured to set up an off-grid homestead and has to build their own shelters and create gardens to feed themselves experiences the same thing. We follow a balanced work schedule here where we only do physical work in the mornings and usually only Monday through Friday. The current dry, cooler season is heaven to work in compared to the hot and humid months in May through August before the rains come. Even with this very sane schedule, the pure physical work that it is to move earth around – whether to set up garden beds or build homes out of cob – is undeniable.

This illuminates for me how cushy my lifestyle was when we lived in Canada – all provided for me by the conveniences of living on grid, buying all my food from grocery stores, and living in rented shelters. It is amusing to me now that I actually used to visit the gym in order to ‘get exercise’ because my lifestyle didn’t provide the physical activity that my body needed. Now, I couldn’t imagine going to a gym as there just isn’t any need for it. Just grab a shovel or pull some weeds and you’re getting a great core and arm workout.

The question for me related to all this physical work has been how to balance it with my awakening process to embody more yin stillness, being-ness, nonduality, and overall ‘less doing’ mindset. It would be very easy and tempting to just throw myself into the physical tasks, be exhausted, and pass out by 8pm at the end of the day. I do usually fall asleep by 8pm and wake up by 5am (that’s when the rooster crows so it feels natural). But, when I wake up I dedicate the first couple of hours to engage in immramma (meditative etheric journeys) or checking in with the Divine or my guides. I home cook and prepare (with help from Raphael and Sequoia) our three meals a day from fresh ingredients and that can take up to a few hours each day. Then, most afternoons, I work on a creative project and this has led to writing and self publishing two books in the last year and writing quite a bit of content for our website and blog. This balance of physical and household projects, inner work, and creative output helps me feel that I am connected to my higher self and bigger purpose for being here on this earth dimension during this time of great transition. This context is important to me for it holds the content of the physical work in a larger container.

These last two weeks, I have begun shoveling out the topsoil from the area dedicated to our next cob (sand, clay, straw, and water) structure. This structure, which we call Alma or ‘soul’ in Spanish, will be our main building with a kitchen, dining room, bathroom, and two bedrooms. I have been spending a couple of hours each day digging out the good soil (which we save for our gardens) to get to the rocky, slitty subsoil layer that we will build our stone foundation, cob walls, and eventually cob floor on. It is going to be a larger building, so it is humbling to be digging out one shovelful at a time.

As I dig, I notice that my mind is quieter than usual. Rather than racing off in a million directions and linking associations, it seems to rest into the rhythm of the shoveling. There is a meditative aspect to it, a ‘zone’ that I go into that is pleasant and restful, even as my body is working. I recognize this as a zone that I have entered previously when I would help on painting contracting jobs and also when I cleaned houses in my early twenties. In this zone, there is less fusion to the body-mind reality of doing the work and it feels like we can then move into ‘being the work.’

Being the work brings a sense of joy and goodness to our activities. Rather than feeling it as a ‘labor’, there is an invitation to arise in the moment with what we are doing, for it to even overcome us with the magic of what we are able to do. I feel that this ‘being the work’ state is rare for most people as it tends to be the false self showing up to ‘do’ the work and sometimes in a consciously resentful way. Our false self can filter out the magic of what is happening in the now and the bigger context in which the work fits. The only reality becomes the one that is associated with doing and often leads to feelings of being stressed and unfulfilled.

In my experience, it is possible to get many things ‘done’ in a way that is not linear and focused on efficiencies. When we let our being-based nature or feminine nature lead, it will find a way that circles and weaves even as it gets results. This is true for both women and men. It is especially a poignant invitation for men as they tend to be more linear and results-oriented. Letting things arise and responding to them as they come up allows for much more breathing and even enjoyment. It allows for a fulfillment in the experience even beyond the goodness of the final achievement.

At SoulFullHeart School, we feel that physical work is an important aspect of the awakening process. It is grounding and, as I mentioned, it can be a humbling process for our false self to engage in something simple. This reminds me of the ‘chop wood, carry water’ invitation in Buddhism to humble the ego or false self and to connect with the magical nature of all activities and all realities. Chopping wood and carrying water is considered just as sacred as spending hours in meditation. As we dedicate our bodies to something, there is also the opportunity to serve the Divine through our actions no matter how simple or basic these activities are. This perspective also helps us engage with work with a sense of it being ‘love in action’, not just drudgery.

Jelayan Awen is a cofounder of and teacher at the SoulFullHeart School and author of five books. Please visit for more information about the SoulFullHeart School Of Awakening And Sustainable Sanctuary.

A Drip Line Of Non-Dual: Life At SoulFullHeart School


By Jelayan Awen

A couple of months ago during an intense initiatory phase, I asked my guides for a strong infusion of energy while I was in a meditative state. My primary guide Morgaine, who is a high priestess who lives in the parallel dimension of Avalon, provided me with surges and pulses of energy, which ran up and down my chakras and slithered along my spine. It was familiar and yet, also, powerful. I didn’t realize how altered I was until later in the day when I was planting seeds in my garden.

I felt relaxed and yet, also, I was struggling to track anything mentally. At one point, I ‘lost’ my sun hat, which I had placed in the garden somewhere. I had to go up and around the paths many times to find it. This struck me as funny since I designed this garden; I know every path like the back of my hand, and it is not big at all! Then, I misplaced other things as well and it became difficult to even concentrate on the act of putting seeds in the ground. I got distracted by the wonder of a seed: how it holds all of the DNA for the plant to create itself in all of its form. A seed is in hibernation, just waiting for soil, water, and sun to burst free of its dormant shape and arise into its potential. Much like human beings, actually.

I finally decided that I couldn’t ‘do’ gardening anymore and needed to head back home. It felt like it was going to be a long walk, with my altered state of consciousness, yet I also felt a bit giddy with how different things felt. On my way out of the garden, I kept getting distracted by the leaves on the trees. Every leaf seemed to flash its molecular structure at me, a glittery burst of its real essence. There seemed to be a shimmer to everything. I was reminded of how tiny a spectrum of what is actually going on can we see through the narrow bandwidth of visible light.

Although it is normally only about a ten minute walk, it felt like it took much longer to get home. I didn’t have many words to share with my mate Raphael about what I was experiencing, but he could feel I was altered. I didn’t want to try to explain it too much as it felt like it would dampen the experience if my mind tried to understand it. And I couldn’t seem to do that anyway! When I helped him to get lunch ready, I struggled to get my body to do what my mind wanted it to do. And I couldn’t do anything at my usually brisk pace, even in the kitchen. I kept getting distracted by the ‘truer’ essence of things that seemed to have no relationship to anything else as I would walk by them or go to use them. For many moments, I held an arising wonder of black plastic in my hands before being able to remember that it was a ‘spatula’. This ‘state’ continued on until in the late afternoon when finally I could write again and think somewhat normally.

I feel that this condition was, to some extent, what I call a ‘drip line of the non-dual.’ The non-dual being a state of consciousness (even though it is not a state) where there are no contrasts, no opposites, and only essence or Arising Isness. The seeds, the leaves, even a common kitchen utensil all took on magical qualities when experienced through the lens of no-thing-ness. Before we were trained to use our minds to dualistically label everything with names and filter reality through comparisons, it feels like this is how we could have naturally experienced life.

At SoulFullHeart School, we feel that it isn’t about the supremacy of the non-dual over the dual or that the ultimate attainment of the non-dual is the goal. Rather, it is bringing them into balance again so that our experience of reality flows between the two in a beautiful stream of ebb and flow. Raphael feels that we are 100% of both and have just overly focused on the dualistic side. To bring our consciousness back into balance and awaken to our essence of Infinite Love, we feel that opening the drip line (which could turn into a gushing flow over time) to the non-dual is a critical aspect.

For me, the best way I have found to open up my non-dualistic nature is during meditative journeys called immrams and energy transfusions which transcend the mind, engage with our true nature as energy, and bypass our defenses and false self to some extent. I have also had drip line tastes of non-duality through a dualistic relationship with Kuan Yin, a Tibetan Buddhist face of the Divine Mother. Through my connection with Kuan Yin, I am able to receive transmissions of non-duality even as it is coming through a dualistic channel. I don’t feel that one cancels out the other and both can be used to experience the other. In this embracement of both, we aren’t making one ‘bad’, which is actually a dualistic way to see it.

It seems that when we resist one side of our nature in order to embrace the other that we become in fundamental struggle with ourselves. This struggle locks down our access to Arising Isness because the false self feels that we need to be ‘enlightened’ or ‘attained’ or spend hours and hours in meditation in order to transcend our dualistic nature. Maybe some souls do need hours of meditation every day, yet, my sense is that our false selves have made all of this much harder and more ‘exclusive’ than it actually is. In my drip line state of arising wonder that day, it felt as natural and easy as breathing. Because my mind was loosened and relaxed, it couldn’t evaluate or compare what was going on. It just ‘was.’

I look forward to more drip-line experiences (with maybe some gushers in the future) and bringing my nature back into balance between the dual and non-dual. And I look forward to experiencing and facilitating students here at the school in this exploration for which I am hoping that we will discover even more naturally arising ways to experience our essence as Infinite Love in both dualistic and non-dualistic forms.

Jelayan Awen is a cofounder of and teacher at the SoulFullHeart School and author of five books. Please visit for more information about the SoulFullHeart School Of Awakening And Sustainable Sanctuary.

Another Revolution Around the Sun


New Year’s Eve, 2015. Tonight many people around the world are celebrating an end and a beginning. Our planet survived another trip around the sun and now we get to enjoy the ride one more time. But, I don’t think most people, myself included, have actually thought of it that way. It’s mostly been about a number. Pretty amazing what changing a digit can do to create this euphoria. I can feel a part of me wanting to go on a rant about the craziness of it all, but I would rather feel what lies underneath is for us as a human family.

In our relatively recent past, we came together in different groups to participate in the cycle of our sustenance. We offered prayer during times of sowing, and celebrated and gave thanks in times of harvest. It was a very human connection based on a very simple need….food. To me, it feels like a very significant relationship to renewal. Another relationship could be when a beloved elder is on their deathbed, while a mother is giving birth to a new member of the tribe. There is reflection and celebration of life and death. The most significant renewal.

As we have grown in numbers on this planet, we have had to find new ways to feed ourselves, which feels like the advent of the Industrial Age. Technology helped to grow more with less labor. Those who weren’t growing food were building machines that would help to do more with less labor. We began to make things that were farther and farther from our real needs. With this increase in population, we have also lost the close-knit bond of community we had when we were more tribal in nature. Both of these occurrences feel to have separated us from our human connection.

Enter our collective calendar. The one used to keep us all on the same page, so to speak. It is a solar calendar. One full revolution around the Sun. So, are all the fireworks and Jaeger shots about that cosmic dance? Hell, it wasn’t really that long ago that we thought we were the center of the universe. The biggest significance to me, near as I can tell, is the number got bigger and we had to buy yet another calendar.

So what is really happening tonight, New Year’s Eve? My heart tells me that we miss each other. We miss feeling connected to each other. The moment the clock strikes midnight we are all One. We all entered a new year together. People that don’t know each other will give each other hugs and a warm smile. For a brief moment in time, we are family again.

My heart also tells me we are off-gassing the pain of our past, both individually and collectively, and pray somehow ‘this year will be different.’ That maybe this will be the year we get to find our way home to the place we once lived, in love and harmony. Or maybe, we somehow know this is all going to come to a head soon, and we are just enjoying one last ride around the golden, shiny orb.

I feel both are true. I feel there are those of us who sense the coming shift and awakening in the unfolding human drama and are responding in our own way. We are offering sanctuaries both internally and externally. These efforts are making changes in our future happen now, in the present. I also feel we are not all going to make it, and that brings a sobriety to the celebration that is occurring tonight.

We have reached the end of a way of living. An end of a way of relating to each other and the Earth. An end of a chapter in our grand human story. But, at the same time, it is a beginning. A beginning we can choose to create with the help of those who are already here to help us. The guides and beings that exist in ‘other places’ that we have chosen to ignore. The plants and animals that we have chosen to dominate. And the planet we have chosen to desecrate.

Incredibly, they want to be with us again in the way it used to be. The love that they possess is more than we can let in, more than we collectively feel we deserve. But, to those who heal their own heart and seek to change the way they relate to themselves, humanity, and the Divine, and the planet, they will find a new reality awaiting them…along with another revolution around the sun.

Sequoia Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Apprentice Teacher at the SoulFullHeart School of Awakening And Sustainable Sanctuary in rural Mexico. Please visit for more information.