Category: Parts / Subpersonalities

The Veils Are Thin: Feeling The Hell Within

Published on by Bianca MagdaleneLeave a comment

A few weeks ago I was invited to move from being a SoulFullHeart facilitant to become a facilitator of this work and was offered to become an Apprentice Facilitator by Jelelle as there was interest expressed in sessions by people who are not fluent enough in English and need a German/language or cultural bridge. Yet also because it felt like it was time in my process and the embodiment of the process/lifestyle after all these years of applying it inside and out is there too. I was invited to step into my bigness, soul purpose and leadership.

I didn‘t have a reaction to this at all when she first asked me how I would feel about it and I actually felt very calm, centered and that it was time to step up and claim my next place of service, growth and my hard earned bigness and also to move from receiving to giving back and sharing what I had learned and how it served and changed me. That was a sign for me that the timing was right for this.

Then the time came and I got my first two facilitants and sessions and I had major rumbles happening inside of myself that wreaked havoc in my entire being and soul. The themes have been mainly not being good/advanced/knowledgeable enough which has felt extremely disempowering, crippling even, I have been experiencing a heightened state of reactivity, perfectionism and a core unworth being pushed up and dominating my experience of life and I have been feeling like I wasn‘t able to access and feel my heart either.

I have felt a total block of my intuitions, my mental clarity and ability to make intuitive connections and of my clairs and overall spiritual and emotional capacity. I could feel a suction and seducing into 3D money earning vs. moving into soul purpose and an activation of the lower 4D matrix within myself as well, bleeding through with abduction memories accompanied by feelings of panic & terror and migraines.

It was all a big quagmire of reactions, blocks, waves of self-doubt, inner fusions/enhancement of trauma-bonds between parts, a feeling of being lost, confused and hopeless and a thick blanket of forgetfulness/amnesia put on top of it all.

At the same time I was also realizing and feeling that the ‘old’ ways didn‘t work for me any more either and haven‘t for a while. The independent freelance online teaching job that has been so empowering and freedom-giving, financially and personally, that comes as little 3D anchored as possible and has allowed me to build a life that is very sovereign and abundant in many ways, yet ultimately isn‘t fulfilling my heart or soul and is not my purpose this life.

Or my beloved TV shows that I like to watch, that have provided me with a sense of friendship and family when I had none and even belonging, particularly in my Lone Wolf phase. Yet realizing that I had outgrown them and that they actually serve to cap me on how deeply (or not) I can let in actual beings in my life/(soul) family that I live in close proximity to.

This leadership activation moved me into deeper layers of mourning and grieving the old ways and bits and pieces of the old world that I had lived in for so long this life that haven‘t been grieved before and now needed to be felt in order to move on and up.

I started feeling too that there was a big part inside of me that does not yet believe in a world that is not a hell. That part has unplugged from the 3D and lower 4D matrix significantly, yet hasn’t quite turned the corner on actually being settled and home in an inner heaven and I could feel there’s still more unplugging left to do.

That part has been living in a void space for a very long time and it needs the bridging and time it needs to feel through all that. That turning the corner part of the process, the moving from hell to heaven, felt very significant for me to feel into as I want to be able to offer that ‘turnaround’ in session space as well and only my authentic felt through and lived in experience can provide that.

Recently I have been feeling how all of these themes that I mentioned above have been trickling in inside of myself, leaking like an open matrix leak right into my inner world and flooding it, giving me tastes of pieces that need healing, yet not letting me into them and actually feel them and thus heal them and poisoning myself and my parts. That‘s when I knew it was my Gatekeeper aspect and I needed to connect with her directly.

The Gatekeeper aspect can be a very elusive and hard to track energy inside of yourself, even insidious, a part wants to say. They just sneak into your consciousness, infiltrate it and you don‘t even realize it’s them as they can ‘come through‘ other parts, masking and veiling themselves. They can be a sorceress that way.

But only when connecting directly with them and feeling things directly with them, instead of feeling them through other parts, can they actually be helped.

When I connected with her in meditation space directly this morning (as I had grown tired of this immense suffering loop inside of myself and the lack of care from her towards me and my parts), I was able to feel her directly in her pain and suffering. A pain that sometimes can’t even be named, just felt. But upon providing that space for her and also inviting Divine Mother into it, as I could feel I needed help with this one and felt that I was a bit out of my depth with her too, she was able to unravel into that space and really let me feel with her the source of her pain.

There was a question of ‘Why even bother and go into all these dark and painful places that need healing when it could be that we come here again and have to do it all over again?’ I was feeling with her the feeling of gaining Love, living it, getting used to it and then losing it all again in the blink of an eye.

And the realization of the overwhelming darkness she has been used to and living in that has been her whole world and not being able to see the light, the love, the goodness, the safety, the empowerment.

That darkness HAS been her entire world. Not having a bigger picture sense of what the world could be beyond that darkness and already IS is a deep ground of suffering for that part. In a way, it’s more painful for parts to move out of the darkness and into love if there’s a chance of losing it again. So they do everything to keep you in the darkness, in the pain, in the suffering and block your growth, your bigness and the love and intimacy you have in your life.

That felt like one deep source of all those reactions and blocks I had experienced. That explained the resistance to announcing my facilitation offer, to even feel into it for myself and what and who I can and want to serve and to out myself more through writings and videos. If that is the fear of part of me, then it will do everything to keep me from stepping into my bigness and carrying this healing offer into the world because this work has the capacity to move you from hell to heaven.

I have come to realize that one of the antidotes to this is feeling your own true desires and intentions. That is what has the capacity to pierce through thick veils of suffering like that, and claiming those desires over and over again, along with your bigness of heart and soul. Yet, make no mistake, you will be tested on those! You will have to fight through thick layers of crazy-making self-doubt, self-judgment and self-punishment, over and over again, and claim your power and bigness of heart and soul over and over and over again. Recognizing strategy after strategy and realizing, yes, this part IS doing that, even if it wants to keep you in the dark and self-doubt about that too. But then also realizing it is done out of a deep fear and to have compassion for that yet it can also have tones of not caring for you and your parts and they need your protection, especially the younger ones.

Finding a balance between setting boundaries, compassion and truth finding and telling with that aspect has been the way to navigate this for me.

Another antidote has been sharing my heart with my close circle of beloveds that I live in close proximity to whenever I felt to retract or when self-doubt was eating me alive. The reflections/mirrors of my bigness and value and appreciation for me and my process from soul family has been a crucial aspect for me in moving through all this and in keeping to move through ongoingly. And now not only to share within the circle of my beloveds but ‘publicly’ too, feels like, to template transparent and vulnerable leadership.

Even though I did not have an answer for her in that moment this morning and all I could do was sit with her and Mother in that feeling, without doubting it or wanting to make it better or perhaps even feeling not being able to make it better, that feeling space alone was so powerful to move her out of that stuck place she was in and move her a bit more into trust, hope and possibility, and I could even feel her own desire perk up a little bit. Quite quickly I was able to feel Mother’s love swooshing in and taking over the space, a space that was filled with doubt and suffering before. Through feeling through that doubt and that painful feeling/question, that space got freed up to now be claimed by and through Love and the Divine.

That would be another antidote, I’m just feeling, to fully receive one part’s truth, feel it fully with that part, totally receiving it in your heart and just feeling all the textures it comes with, without trying to have an answer or wanting to mitigate it somehow. Acknowledging where that part is, being ok with that and not feeling like it ‘should’ be in a place it’s not. LET it BE TRUE.

This does not mean that this ‘issue’ is healed now, that question is still not ‘answered’ and it feels like it‘s going to be an ongoing exploration. But I can feel some more air inside of myself now, a trust that has grown inside, a bit more Love moved in inside and more energy and clarity freed up about next choices and how to navigate them. Plus I feel more intimate with and connected to this part of me now that has been making life choices and navigation really difficult for me so far. I have gotten more intimate with myself today and this part, which then can express more on the outside as well.

Love,

Bey Magdalene

I offer 1:1 sessions in German and English. If you feel drawn to explore the possibility of working with me, I do offer a free intro call as well where we can talk about the process and how it may serve you and if it is the right time and approach for you. You can book a free intro here: https://www.soulfullheart.org/shop

More about sessions here: https://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

*** Bey Magdalene is a SoulFullHeart Apprentice Facilitator and Community Member. She offers sessions in German and English. For more information on community, videos, group calls, and 1:1 sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator, visit soulfullheart.org.

Ode To The 3D Self

Published on by Bianca MagdaleneLeave a comment

I have been feeling recently my 3D Self emerging out of the intensity of the 10/10 portal and eclipse passage. She is represented by the entire waveform of my birth name, Bianca Gieber, and has come out of the peaking of/immersion in the 3D/4D matrix that I had been feeling inside of myself that I shared about in my last post. Besides her, I have also been feeling my Reptilian aspect again, as both these aspects are actually intertwined with each other and I could feel that wrapping up in each other when feeling both of them. Feels like these two energies have been behind my Gatekeeper aspect that I had been sharing about and she had been protecting my 3D Self all along, with so much care for her.

When I started feeling my 3D Self, I felt a lot of shame/self-hatred, a filtering of life through the lens of it not being good/safe, self-doubt, unworth and that there is no goodness in life, that life is difficult and everything has to be fought for and that she has always been alone, left alone, especially by the Divine. That way, being a huge aspect of my Lone Wolf that was reflected in corresponding life choices. With that filter applied, the goodness that had been in my life, was not able to be received and seen as such but rather made into something bad or rather not real. A very painful mechanism.

I have been feeling with her the legacy of my birth name, particularly the last name, that is carrying all these frequencies and she has worn them like a very thick coat. But I could also feel that all of those frequencies/layers are not really her, her true essence.

I was able to feel with her her own rich and deep connection to the Divine, and specifically to Mother Mary, who she and my entire soul seem to have a special connection with.

In her connection with Mary, she came through as clearly and deeply as never before, yet in such a real and grounded way and with authentic emotions. The experience I’m having now with Mary is much more personal and intimate. The connection I have had before with her, as Bey Magdalene, was a bit more airy/lofty, but my 3D Self feels like is the uplink to a real and grounded embodiment of Mother.

Through her struggle of not feeling the goodness in life and feeling almost in a quandary about her loyalty to that feeling, the very clear and visceral message/intuitive feeling came through that Mother IS an aspect of me as well and deserves to be felt just as much as it is necessary to feel the difficult things.

The reunion between her and Mother was very deep and teary, both weeping over having missed each other and finally having found each other again. My 3D Self was claimed as a Divine Daughter and Mary apologized to her too that it has been so difficult for her and that she wasn‘t able to feel her and connect with her, even though she has been right there all along, all my life.

The forgiveness frequencies between these two have been so powerful and have had a powerful impact on my spiritual and emotional well-being.

Her question and lament, why she had been plugged in so deeply into the matrix, has been answered inside of myself too. Along with the pain that, despite being a 3D Self, she never really felt that she was particularly good at it/equipped for it. It seems that she is needed as an ambassor to those in similar circumstances and if she would have been really good at navigating 3D life, she might not have awoken. Yet I could feel with her how this dimension/reality has always felt strange to her and that she didn’t really believe it herself.

A deep filtering of life through compartmentalization is falling away as a result as well as a need to ‘be by the book’ and a new flow and responding to every moment is coming online and ready to be embodied.

I can feel her letting in that reframe and new Divine/Soul purpose and how it is helping her heal her relationship to the matrix, her family and geographical origins that were both VERY dense as well as heal her relationship to the Divine.

I could feel so much care coming online in her that she has always had, yet had to numb because it was too painful to care and there hasn‘t been a container/energy to be able to digest all this care with up until now.

This care coming online now and my heart coming online through it in a much deeper way is such a gift that I‘m getting from and through her that I‘m so grateful for and that is so needed too as I have been wanting to feel my care for the world and humanity in these unprecedented times that we have never seen before. Yet a care that is grounded in and answered by the Divine inside of myself, to be able to digest and hold the pain too that comes with this care.

I can also feel an interesting relationship between my Inner Teenager and my 3D Self that is just starting to get a bit clearer. It feels like she has been a bit of a reluctant parent to her, yet also protecting her out of care for her. I have been wondering why I hadn‘t been more rebellious as a teenager, yet my 3D Self offered that it just was too dangerous to do that, with such a dark and abusive birth mother, whose energies and transmissions she had been taking in and absorbing over the years, shaping her, ‚messing her up‘ to quote her. So she felt it was much safer to comply, even if it was very begrudgingly.

I feel my 3D Self came in/was formed in my early teenage years as well, as a response to those very challenging and dense energies on the outside. That was also around the age my 3D Self had started to reach for alcohol to numb that darkness and abuse that came her way in order to numb it/cope with it. Yet only feeling that pain and answering it with Divine Love, will actually bring healing to it while anything else just covers it up.

Now that she has been felt and freed up more and her presence/existence deeply acknowledged and recognized as very much needed in order to complete me, miraculous shifts have been occurring inside of myself, as she is an important aspect of myself that had been anchored in 3D and thus was resisting to move into soul purpose with me and partake in the goodness frequencies in my life so far. Only through connecting with these aspects of us that feel they cannot partake in the goodness, the spirituality, the soul purpose expression is how we are actually able to do and embody that.

She is an ambassador in her own rights and we already started that journey in meditation space this morning when she and Mary organized an apparition in my hometown in Austria that is so dense, in so much pain and that doesn’t seem to have a lot of hope and Divine Inspiration. Casting those beautiful Divine frequencies over my hometown felt so healing and felt like it inspired something in its residents and at least planted a seed in them. A remembrance of their own Divinity.

Here is a meditation to connect with your 3D Self.

I’m so curious to go more into her relationship to my Reptilian as well as my Inner Teenager as I can feel it is a very rich ground. Some of that will be covered in today’s group call, I’m sure, that will be about the Inner Teenager. I can already feel more teenage sass coming online through connecting with my 3D Self and healing all the layers of pain that have been guarding her heart. I feel her off to the Galactic too, being a galactic ambassor and Galaxy trotter, with the Cosmos being her home.

Here is a guided meditation video to begin the connection to your Inner Teenager.

Raphael and Jelelle will be exploring the world of the Inner Teenager in our group call today at 5:00pm GMT/London/Lisbon & Noon EST. We will also offer a guided meditation to connect with your Inner Teenager, deepen the healing between you, opening up the bond that is just ‘waiting’ for you. More info to offer donation to attend on our website or on Facebook

Love,

Bey Magdalene

*** Bey Magdalene is a SoulFullHeart Apprentice Facilitator and Community Member. She offers sessions in German and English. For more information on community, videos, group calls, and 1:1 sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator, visit soulfullheart.org.

Energy Update: Travelling Through The Dimensional Tunnel & Anchoring In A Higher Frequency

Published on by Bianca MagdaleneLeave a comment

We have been immersed in the matrix reality for a long time, for all this life and others too. We have inhaled, ingested, eaten up and lived in and for 3D matrix entertainment, food, music, school, jobs, relationships, families, geographies. The recent eclipse passage really highlighted that and brought it up and out even more, helping it peak for us to see, feel, heal and let go of, organically.

The subsequent 11/11 Portal that we are still riding the waves of, brought in and out Divine connection and support to balance out the matrix peaking, bringing with it waves of goodness, Love and an illumination of your bigness, worth and courage. It is a confirmation of everything you have held, felt, said no to and moved into. A presentation, recognition and validation of all the choices you have made that brought you to where you are today and really letting in that courage it took to make these choices and to let in the internal and external goodness they brought.

It is illuminating your bigness and inviting you to see it, feel it, trust it, claim it, own it. It is highlighting your journey this life (and others), your inner process and healing and inviting you to feel into it for yourself and really feel and acknowledge how far you have come and the qualities you are embodying now that used to be desirable for you and you set out to ‚achieve‘ all those years ago.

Our entire being is upgraded at the moment, travelling through a dimensional tunnel, from one dimension/frequency/reality to a higher one. This is affecting the physical, emotional, energetic and spiritual body.

It can be accompanied by feelings of dizziness/lightheadedness and a clearing of a fogginess but can also push up and flush out detox reactions like headaches/migraines, nausea and other physical pains and unease.

On an emotional level, it can bring up and out old ways of relating to things, relationships, money, careers and yourself. This is where I feel the main focus is on at the moment, the self and our relationship to ourselves, invited by the current energies.

Spiritually, previously thick and tight veils are lifting which can even be felt viscerally while they dissolve, matrix plugs and chakra coils are loosening and falling out, consciousness caps are coming off, slowly being felt through and opening out new vistas of seeing, feeling and understanding the world.

Energetically, you might feel an aversion/sensitivity to any kind of 3D/mainstream energies, situations, foods and entertainment.

Current energies are also inviting us to feel important questions for ourselves – How do we see ourselves? What does the esteem of ourselves look and feel like? How do we relate to our shadow? And even more interestingly, how do we relate to our light, our bigness, our purpose? Are we ready to claim it and move on and up in life with our bigness of heart and soul, our connection to the Divine and our self-worth as basis for it? Can we allow our bigness to come into the space, lean into it and lead the way for us?

We can bridge to the parts and aspects of us that can‘t quite claim and let in that bigness yet and perhaps even feel a loyalty to the smallness, the struggles, old ways of seeing themselves and you/others/the world, old ways of relating and being in life. To these parts, an upgrade like that can be really jarring, life-threatening and so they resist it. But with Love and care and through choosing and feeling them, and with Divine support, they can come with you, into their own higher individual expression and anchor in a new reality as well. A reality of possibilities, support, safety, love, self-worth and purpose.

It is the death of 3D consciousness, represented and broadcast by our 3D Selves and the 3D/lower 4D matrix. It is an awakening to yourself and rebirth as a Divine Being with purpose, which all of your struggles, questions, intuitions, (self-) doubts, your journey and process are a part of and essential to it.

There are many souls who are choosing a physical body death at this time as well as it is a mercy to their consciousness expression/bandwidth.

I, along with my parts and aspects, went throught the dimensional tunnel myself yesterday morning in meditation/check-in which I could feel as a visceral journey through it. Coming out the other side, I felt anchored in trust and Divine connection and lingering doubts and fears had disappeared.

Through that, I was able to connect to my 3D Self this morning in a much clearer way as there was a very palpable differentiation between her and I and I could really be there for her, talk with her, feel her and offer reflections and guidance. She had been anchored in a sort of matrix desert/void as she had been holding space for so many strong/intense lower 4D parts and aspects over the years and through that got anchored in that dimensioin as well.

Through broadcasting my heart, my love for her and Divine Mother’s Love, the fog/amnesia/spell/veil around her head that caused her to feel very far away from me and like she couldn’t reach me, even though she could hear me from afar, dissolved and she could feel me and my heart and move into it. From that place, any kind of digestion that is needed, can happen in a transmutative, safe and effective way.

Another aspect of the current energies seems to be that if you have been and are really digging deep into your shadow, are not afraid of it and don‘t ignore it, but tend to it with patience, care, curiosity and boundaries, now is the time where the Divine will just scoop you up as a result of that too and claim you and not let you go back into your smallness, if that is your intention and desire. It is helping you anchor in a higher consciousness, from which you then can venture out into the shadow, but at the end of the day, come back to that home base of Divine connection and garden within you.

While my parts had been more anchored in lower 4D frequencies over the course of my process, I can now feel a re-anchoring in and reclaiming of the Divine connection and garden within me. I can feel a ready-ing for soul purpose that even has different expressions, feels like. One expression feels to be a Galactic ambassadorship to different kinds of species and races, like the inventors/creators of the blueprint for the false med narrative/agenda, amongst others. Along with the matrix ambassadorship that arose organically in my process over the years.

I‘m also feeling a re-balancing for myself of light and darkness within, like scales that are bouncing up and down and eventually coming together in the middle. It is an in and out of the old consciousness and constant claim of my Divine connection and nature. There‘s still a bit of a power struggle/grab going on inside by aspects who want to keep me safe by keeping me small and in doubt/fog which in turn calls for more Divine connection to keep having a bigger energy in the room that is humbling to these aspects.

Love,

Bey Magdalene

I offer 1:1 sessions with women in German and English.

Raphael and Jelelle held a livestream on Facebook the other day about what‘s currently moving in the world in regards to the false med narrative and how we digest it in the SoulFullHeart community:

***

*** Bey Magdalene is a SoulFullHeart Apprentice Facilitator and Community Member. She offers sessions in German and English. For more information on community, videos, group calls, and 1:1 sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator, visit soulfullheart.org.

Gifts Of Connecting With Your Inner Teenager

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

Your Inner Teenager is the part of you representing the phase and stage after childhood and before adulthood, usually between 11 and 18 years old, although that can vary. This is a very important period of life as it is very often when awakening is happening on a Metasoul level with timelines starting to bleed-through into your reality. In many timelines, the teenager phase of life is honored as a sacred time of initiation. It is recognized in these other lifetimes that you are in, as the beginning stages of becoming/identifying your soul gift expressions and purpose. In many timelines, the community provided support for the teenager to mature into that expression.

However, in our 3D modern era, for teenagers, there isn’t usually initiation, honoring, and training in how to follow their soul’s purpose or any recognition of it. Instead, 3D culture overlooks teenagers and often judges them harshly. Instead of receiving initiation in all areas of life around relationships, sexuality, spirituality, and passion purpose, your Inner Teenager received, most likely, invalidation in all these areas. Deep 3D-based conditioning just serves to feed and amplify growing fears, dualities, insecurities, and polarizations inside of them.

The Inner Teenager is often hanging out in the sanctuary of their teenage bedroom and can be connected with there. Your Inner Teenager is often stuck there with strong feelings of angst, depression, even suicidal feelings of not wanting to be on this planet and in their birth families anymore. Instead of a healthy phase of individuating from birth family, there is often push-pull, over attachment, and other unhealthy dynamics experienced by our inner teens. They are hiding from the family dynamics, yet there can be both longing for connection and pushing away from the family vibe at the same time. So often the teenager is torn between the necessity of bonding with their birth family for their very survival and a growing sense of dissonance and lack of resonance.

There seem to be two kinds of ways that this expresses in an Inner Teenager during this very challenging phase of life. Either as overt rebellion and acting out in behaviors that are not approved of; or in nearly complete-seeming acceptance and conformity to the family. In the case of rebellion, more inner truth and empowerment is able to be expressed, even if it isn’t always in healthy ways. When there has been conformity, a conforming 3D Self (almost like a robot self) is created to fit in and the rebellious and angry part of the Inner Teenager is usually hidden away in the shadows.

I have discovered that the Inner Teenager is the part of us that is often responsible for our social interface in life, even as adults. They are stuck in the trauma they experienced in social interactions and haven’t been able to mature beyond it until we connect with them and help them heal. It is often the Inner Teenager’s energy that is leading in romantic relationships, which is why so many of them can be dysfunctional and not as mature in transaction. This isn’t the fault of our Inner Teenager yet rather a reflection of where they haven’t yet matured in their expression of relationality with others.

So much intense rage, depression, and anxiety can be bleeding through from other lifetimes/timelines into your Inner Teenager’s reality. Your soul is starting to awaken and there is more coming through. The veil may be thinner during this time and there is not as much protection being provided by the Inner Protector to keep it out. Later on in adulthood, the Inner Protector and the Gatekeeper are able to create a stronger veil around your 3D Self using layers of densities from undigested traumas.

Connecting with your Inner Teenager in a conscious way allows them to receive the initiations and individuation that they most need in order to mature in all areas of life. By receiving a bridge to you in your current maturity, they are able to receive a template for who they will become and what their potential is. Like a visit with their ‘future self’ in the form of a loving mentor, they finally receive what they have most been needing and longing for.

Going into the world of our Inner Teenager brings us closer to the passion, imagination, and creativity we had to set aside for various reasons as we became adults. It is about feeling the loss of innocence that led us to so much serious, repressed, and conforming expression. They are the bridge from our youth to our maturity. They are truly seers of new worlds. Healing our Inner Teenager brings a new vision of life that has technicolor rad-ness and infinite vision. It brings a joy and lightness that seeks to learn and have fun at the same time.

~

Excerpt From my book Free To Be 5D about the Inner Teenager, with links to purchase as audio, print, ebook, and PDF at soulfullheart.org/books

Raphael and I will be exploring the world of the inner teenager in our group call coming up this Sunday, November 13th at 5:00pm GMT/London/Lisbon…Noon EST. We will also offer a guided meditation to connect with your inner teenager, deepen the healing between you, opening up the bond there that is just ‘waiting’ for you. More info to offer donation to attend at soulfullheart.org/grouptransmissions or https://www.facebook.com/events/844061516750636.

You can offer donation ($11/$15 USD/Euros is the usual amount) via our soulfullheart.org/shop or via paypal.me/jelelleawen. If you offer donation via paypal, please include your email.

Here is a guided meditation video to begin the connection to your inner teenager; https://youtu.be/5CMVBgzFypI

More info about 1:1 sessions, group call/in person events in Portugal, writing/videos and more at soulfullheart.org

Feminine Shadow Exploration: A Piece Of My Personal Journey

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

“It’s October 2019 and I’m spinning, whirling, wondering what’s really going on within me, why I can’t seem to help parts of me truly let go of comparison, of feeling ungraceful and ungrateful, of feeling unworthy of the love of my intimate community, let alone the love of the Divine within and around me. I’ve been asked to take space from my community of beloveds to go into and reconcile what has continually been coming up inside of me and not yet been truly held, let alone felt, by me as a centred, adult woman, who is calling herself ‘Kalayna’.

I am in a panic, feeling an avalanche of self-doubt and absolute heartbreak, knowing that this space-taking is likely leading to leaving my beloveds for at least a phase, if not the rest of this lifetime, if I can’t find my way into more of my own bigness and inner ‘home’. I feel the love that would always flow between us as souls, even if I need to go off and be with myself to reconcile something quite deep in my own shadow that they can’t be impacted by so harshly anymore.

I am in some deep self-punishment and shame, but also recognize after years of this inner work, that this pattern of suffering is keeping me from experiencing the depth of love I really want and need within… a depth of love that can then overflow to others with more grace and ease, even in the messiest of conflicts or the burning up of old relational ground.

As I lean into myself more and more each day, and feel the Divine within supporting my ongoing process, I begin to open out something so deeply ingrained in my inner shadowland. I find an aspect who calls himself ‘Hades’. Hades doesn’t care much for others, let alone other parts of me. Well, he does, but his care is complicated as it involves trauma-bonding with these other parts, making them need him somehow and find comfort in his more twisted way of feeling things, his way of making the uncomfortable, the suffering loops, feel somehow ‘normal’ and even necessary.

It turns out that Hades is one aspect while there are a few others for me to feel, and that he is the Gatekeeper holding the veil to feeling them. I begin to feel them all, one by one, and where they live in my Metasoul and my being in this life too. I feel patterns of being a scorned priestess, even a Queen who couldn’t make it work and was shunned, and a few different lifetimes of not quite being able to get up and out of a fear of my/their own bigness and power and truly live into it. I feel the pain of these aspects and how fusing to them has played out in my life many times. I also feel the frequency of having killed others for the sake of power and jealousy… something that is excruciating for me to feel.

I feel how humble I’m becoming as I feel all of this and how I’m learning to surrender to my own unknown inside of myself… how I just can’t know what the Divine truly wants me to do or become. Even as I surrender to the unknown however, I begin to feel clearer and clearer about the energies I am learning to love inside of me and what my true potential is.

It takes me a few months to truly live into this daily healing journey of diving deeply and even finding a renewed sense of joy, all while still showing up for daily life and holding jobs. I still miss my beloveds so deeply, especially as I go on to spend Christmas alone, but I feel my icebergs that were once parked in my shadowland melting day by day and my growing clarity about what I want in my life and the sort of soul family energies I want to be intimate with on the outside coming up so strongly. I also feel who I want to BE as I let in those energies and relationships and the ache for living into that from the inside out.” ~ Kalayna

It’s now 3 years later and here I am, as ‘Kasha’ and no longer ‘Kalayna’, having graduated not only that heartbreaking and heart-opening phase of my life, but also several other challenging and growthful phases in different geographies, different relationships, and in service of love expression too. All because I’ve been willing, even through deep pain, to go into my shadowland AND work my way through to the other side.

It is a huge honour to now be leading a women’s call with Jelelle that will focus on shadow exploration for the feminine… serving alongside Jelelle was always the dream and even as this was starting to happen back in 2019 with the very first women’s call we ever led together, I could barely let that in. I had so much pain and unworthiness come up that it was sabotaged… my dream was sabotaged. My shadow came up to be felt and when she came up, she was practically screaming with frustration, mostly at herself.

As we explore the feminine shadow, there’s so much power packed in there. There’s so much to these energies of self-punishment, shame, and blame, that actually wants to become the flip side of that… that actually wants to become genuine heart-based service of love within and without and wants to have nourishing relationships as much on the inside as on the outside.

The feminine shadow has a LOT to unpack, not just in these trailing-edge energies that can keep us in smallness and pain, but also in leading-edge energies, access to feminine magic and alchemy, not to mention DEEP access to discernment, clarity, and care.

Join Jelelle and I on Sunday, Oct 30th for a by-donation women’s group call, focused on discovering and feeling your Shadow Feminine, however she shows up now! The call will be at 5pm London/Lisbon time and you can donate via our Shop or through PayPal or via Wise (formerly TransferWise). You can find more info about this call here.

Sending so much love to you and your ‘shadow’, your hidden seats and seeds of empowerment and heart, even if there is also pain and ache to wade through and feel along the way!

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Welcoming In Your Sacred Inner Homecoming

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by Kasha Rokshana

Through being born into this Matrix, we are taught to be concerned, always, with the opinions that surround us. We end up scattered, shattered, divided inside. This division has created ‘parts’ that formed in response to this mandate to always look outside of us for answers, for the modeling of ‘best behaviours’, for learning how to be compliant or even how to rebel properly, and certainly for any sense of ‘home’, belonging, or reconnection with the Divine. 

It has been such a huge part of my personal process over this last decade to truly bring ALL of that back inward, to follow the threads of pain that have led to parts of me, and to then untangle those threads from other parts and find integration over time. These pain threads have been complex, not straight forward, and also have been co-created and maintained by outer relationships, jobs, etc. They have also been tugged on and at times entangled with the threads within others and their own parts, making the sorting out a process of what’s mine and what’s someone else’s quite messy in moments. 

The only way I’ve been able to deeply address and heal the pain and parts has been by bringing them back inward, to my own heart, to the home/nest I’ve been creating and cultivating there for so long, which now also overflows to others in 1:1 sessions as I hold space for other women’s own parts to come forward and their own inner ‘homes’ to be created.

There is always an invitation to create this inner heart and soul home inside of you and so much support being offered for that from the Divine within you, from your Metasoul aspects, from Star Family, even from all the beings in your inner world also known as ‘parts of you’ – though many of them may have a really hard time letting in that this home within is even possible at first, as they’ve had to have so much outer focus for so long. 

The codes of Homecoming that are steaming in these days are an opportunity to re-code what it means to truly take care of yourself, your body, your emotional and spiritual realities, and not only within you… they are also supporting you to draw to you those resonant relationships you’ve maybe only dreamed of, or only experienced virtually so far. If there’s a resistance or reluctance in your heart toward truly embracing your beloved online relationships in the physical, there are very likely some parts of you that feel afraid perhaps of the cost to your life as you’ve known it… for nothing ever changes us like letting love in, especially love for ourselves and especially, also, saying ‘yes’ to love’s flow as it moves between us and others in ways unpredictable. 

My beloveds, Raphael and Jelelle Awen will be leading a group call this coming Sunday, Oct 16th, that will be focused on these Homecoming Codes – letting them in, feeling what they mean for you personally, and connecting to your inner ‘home’ in a deepening way. The call will be by donation as always, and held over Zoom. If you’d like more info, visit soulfullheart.org/events. 

So much love to you and with you as you feel into these Homecoming Codes and what they mean to you at this time!

Love,

Kasha 

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Fall Energies Inviting Us Back Into Our ‘Homes’ Within

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by Kasha Rokshana

As we wind down into fall energies and the summer stirrings in our hearts and bodies wind down as well, we’re invited to find home within in a whole new way. It’s a time of inner re-balancing, finding some stability, some way of creating an inner nest where your parts and soul aspects can rest. No matter what has been stirred up for you, supported by cosmic alignments or soul readjustments, now is a time of resettling inside so that you can find a way to come back home to yourself… no matter what or who you’ve been responding to on the outside, whatever has been collapsing or coming alive in your life, or where your relationships seem to be going or not.

Between the letting go of my sacred union romance several months ago and the letting in of sacred sisterhood at new levels of depth and resonance, I’ve been feeling an ongoing need and desire to be in response from the heart of my womb, my Queen, my alchemical feminine essence, to everything that needs that…even my young cat! I feel the dance of being in my mid-30s, the letting go of a level of youngness in order to let in even more maturation. I feel my body changing and my heart changing too. I feel my soul leading me in directions that are surprising at times. I feel myself in service of love in new ways throughout all of this, claiming a deep love and appreciation of myself that can overflow so much more to others. Throughout all of these shifts and the new data that I’m embracing about myself, I feel like my inner homestead is being rebuilt and expanding too. This summer has truly been about inner renovation and renewal for me, and I’m not the only one!

In my soul sisters who I serve in sessions and who I’m in intimate relationship with here in Portugal, I feel and see similar shifts and changes. It’s like as women especially, we’re all being invited to create a new nest inside, to birth the new that wants to come from us, whether it’s a renewal of who we thought we were and experienced ourselves to be, or a renewed way of being in life and in response to love – or everything all at once! The need for women to step up to discover and claim everything about themselves, shadow and light aspects, all sorts of parts at play, creates this need for a more expansive inner ‘home’ to come back to and ground into within. 

The fall energies and the shift to go back inward is real and sometimes intense, yet good when deeply surrendered to. It’s in this surrender that we find and feel the Divine within in what can feel like brand new and surprising ways. It’s in this surrender that we can truly align with our Divine creativity, our alchemy, our personal way of being love in all the moments we have on this planet… in the full-range expression of that love, which can be challenging but also gentle. 

Here’s a guided meditation I created recently, to support your process of creating a home or ‘Safe Haven’ within: https://youtu.be/VNg8D7Hq7dw

Many blessings and so much love to you as you continue your journey through these early fall energies and bring everything back inward to your heart and the love that you are!

Love,

Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

SoulFullHeart Museletter: Sept 17, 2022

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Feeling your Inner Masculine as a woman is a powerful, multi-faceted experience! Tomorrow, Sept 18th at 5pm WEST (Lisbon/London)/ 12pm EDT/ 9am PDT, Jelelle and Kasha will be leading a women’s call focused on connecting with your inner masculine in any expression he currently has. You can donate to attend live and/or receive the recording via our shop or PayPal and we will email you the Zoom link and recording after the call.

If you’d like more information on any of our upcoming group calls, visit our Events page.

There are a few new writings to take in this week, featuring some messages from the Divine and star family too, poetry, and other heartfelt sharings.

There is also a brand new guided meditation video from Kasha, focused on creating a ‘Safe Haven’ within you where you/parts of you can return to whenever they want to, yet especially during those times when life on the outside seems unsafe or unstable in any way.

You can find our current Museletter here.

If you’d like to subscribe to receive our Museletters and other announcements in your own inbox, you can do so on our website or you can scroll to the bottom of this issue and click “subscribe”.

Much love from all of us!

~ the SoulFullHeart Community

Feeling & Honouring The ‘Inner Masculine/King’ Within The Feminine

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by Kasha Rokshana

Kings on the outside are returning to themselves. Men are awakening to their masculine core essences. They’re playing in the polarities they need to in order to discover themselves anew and reclaim their Kingship. There’s a lot to this process for the masculine that we as feminines can’t totally understand, except we ARE afforded a portal of some understanding through feeling our own inner masculine aspects/parts, who are in a similar process at times. 

Actually, the feminine equivalent of this process for men is a reclaiming of our Queen. She is an energy of benevolence but also has deep pain and often quite the missing of an authentic masculine counterpart – a King – in order to truly experience herself AS a Queen. Yes, I AM saying that as women we do need the masculine in our lives, in our hearts, in our bodies… as beautiful and necessary as our independence also is. 

Enter now the process of feeling your inner masculine, or you could say, your inner King. This process now offers a way for your Queen to show up in relationship to a King energy, even if it’s polarized for a while as the aches and pains of want, desire, and deep hurt now surface more so than they could have before. 

Having recently been in a long term Sacred Union bond, I can say without hesitation that my Queen got to blossom because of relating to the masculine on the outside. Also though, I couldn’t have drawn this opportunity without first having had a lot of process ground with masculine energies inside of me. I’ve experienced and felt the polarized reactions in the inner world… the hesitations and hang-ups, the love and the fighting for more love. Even today I feel there’s some tension in moments between my masculine and feminine energies, yet most of the time it feels like there’s more harmony and understanding there, more feeling of each other, and more overall unity/oneness.

I so deeply welcome you to join me and Jelelle Awen as we co-lead an upcoming women’s call focused on this process of feeling your inner masculine! It’s by donation and if you can’t attend live you’ll receive the recording, though I highly recommend coming live if you can as the womb room we create together as a group is always warm and inviting!

You can donate by visiting our shop here: soulfullheart.org/shop or via PayPal: paypal.me/jelelleawen

I’ll include the call description below so you can take in some more details about where we’re going with this one.

Love,

Kasha ♥️

~

Description: 

The Inner Masculine within a woman has many different expressions as a very sacred part/energy of our inner worlds. This range of expression can move from highly protective, fatherly energies that can be punishing to more of an ‘ideal masculine mate’ in pursuit of the feminine. The inner masculine is an aspect/part that helps women navigate the patriarchal frequencies of the Matrix in whatever ways he feels are necessary. This can sometimes bring out something overbearing in him, though he can also feel quite defeated and deflated too, especially if he hasn’t been able to help or offer support in the way he’d most like to, or helped you/parts of you avoid difficult or dark situations.

Having an intimate relationship with your Inner Masculine as a woman, whether you are single or in union with a mate, helps to illuminate your relationship to the Divine Masculine/Father expressions of the Divine. You can get a sense then of why you may feel blocked to letting them in as well as why there may be a pattern of difficult or even non-existent relationships with men on the outside. Connecting deeply with the Inner Masculine offers us (and them) so many layers of healing from the impact of other men, whether mates, fathers or other authority figures, which eventually and ideally leads to a deep forgiveness that makes room for a whole NEW experience of the masculine inside and out.

In a two-hour women’s group call on Sunday, September 18th at 5:00/17:00pm WEST (Lisbon/London)/12:00pm EDT/9:00am PDT, SoulFullHeart Sacred Feminine Teachers and Facilitators Jelelle Awen and Kasha Rokshana will explore connecting with the Inner Masculine through sharing our personal journeys and also experiences in supporting women through our SoulFullHeart quantum healing process. We will share about how through a personal relationship with your Inner Masculine, you will also come to know your feminine parts/aspects in a whole new way and on a new ground of beginning or deepening your Inner Sacred Union, which moves between your masculine and feminine parts, as well.

During this call, we will co-lead a guided meditation to connect with your Inner Masculine with the support of Divine Masculine guides, who will help hold space for this exploration and invite your masculine part(s) into a nourishing and empowering energy where they can be real and even vulnerable. You will meet with your Inner Masculine however he is expressing at this time, and feel into the relationship he currently has with your feminine parts. We will also repeat affirmations as mantras together to recode our relationships between us and our Inner Masculine individually and together as women.

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

The Gifts Of Self-Validation & Immersion In Your Own World

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

You know… sometimes it’s truly in your self-permission to imagine, to just be in play or even in pain, to immerse yourself in a world that feels ‘made up’ to others around you… that you find your deepest growth and most profound healing.

Dive into those waters of what could be real to find what IS real for you. And finding playmates on the outside in the form of soul family who also feel the depth and realness of everything inside of you as if it’s theirs too is a gift that keeps on giving.

Maybe it’s the pursuit of facts and cold, hard evidence that brings in the most confusion when your purest heart and parts of you just want to experience love unfolding… especially within you, and especially in response to all things in life whether hard or easy, challenging or simple.

Maybe all it really takes is recognizing the beauty of the self-permission to immerse in your own reality and make it the realest thing imaginable.
There’s no way to go halfway in that, unless you feel obliged to comply with whatever realities are around you and possibly invading your own in ways less than loving and much less than empathic or compassionate.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s all there is to it when it comes to your deepest, realest Divine reunion experiences – play pretend until it feels real enough to become embodied, find ways into and through your deepest pains, and remember that the ways in which your shadow may come out through these experiences is all a part of the same sacred thing of truly owning your own reality and finding your growth path within that.

…just some notes from the road as I step even deeper into this myself!

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.