If I had the words, I would build a bridge for you
Yet the feelings are beyond words
As no thing, no utterance, no colour
Quite stands for what I want to say.
My expression lives in the hindsight of opportunities passed
No chariot can I bring
To take you there.
No horse can I mount
To beckon you to my side.
No moving object with forward thrust
Except the mothership of time
Space
Love
Can take us where we need to go
Together
Separate
As one in the same, but different.
If I had the syllables, I would hammer you a bridge.
I would sing you a summons of rocky foundations
And dance you a twining of steady ropes and wood.
I would howl at the moon
To bring about change
As feelings ripple through reality.
I would touch your heart
And caress your soul
As I take your hand to mine.
Yet then, it isn’t up to me…
So I let go of the line
Trusting that it’s there
To grasp onto when you need it
Or when I need it
Or when life wants me to lead with it.
…And maybe it’s not my job to construct a bridge for you,
And the search for you is like a treasure hunt
Maybe even one you don’t realize you’re on.
The map is in your subconscious hands
Being navigated by a vessel made by and for love.
A love you have yet to know consciously
But it moves you just the same.
And then…I realize you are your own treasure
Wholly sacred
Despite protests and messages
That tell you you aren’t.
If there is anything I wish to give to you,
It is the gift of your already growing consciousness
Becoming more conscious
In every waking and sleeping moment
Of your very blessed life.
And for now…
For now I let go the rope that binds you to my word
For my word is not yours
And my voice can be but echoes
Of what is already inside you
Waiting
Waiting
Wanting to leave its once comfortable nest To find its rest in places of highest being Strongest calling and deepest healing.
There is a forest where we two shall meet once again,
An oasis of authentic love,
A heaven that is always with us
A haven of true faith
Where what binds us is healed
And what bonds us can finally be revealed.
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
On a Saturday night, I gaze among the busy social streets and walkways, humming with activity and energy and alcohol and friendship… sometimes coupled with drama and pain and backed-up emotional outbursts. During these party times, you can feel the buzz in the air that will soon be in every body, not just from substances taken in, but from the high of socializing, being among peers, perhaps finding love, sex or making new friends. There are grounds here that are healthy to explore and some that aren’t really in a sense, and yet it’s all sacred and it’s all ultimately a path to self-discovery and remembrance, even if this isn’t made conscious in the moments these selves, these individuals, these human BEings are in.
While young, being spiritual can find its place in you if this is what you’ve signed up for… exploring consciousness can sometimes happen with your peers, while at other times it won’t or just can’t. For a phase this journey with them can only go so deep and that’s fine with you for a while, but beyond that phase when that was enough, it’s not quite enough anymore. This is when values shift along with ideas of life and how to live it consciously and more fully. This is where certain areas of focus, ways to find pleasure, and paths to feeling a togetherness with others all rumble beneath your feet and in front of your eyes. This is where your life begins to turn itself upside down in countless ways as you begin to feel the need to push away, sometimes dramatically, sometimes subtly, but always in a way that reminds you, you are your own person and you have your own sense of what energies you need and want to be around as your self love heals and deepens.
There can be a fear arising then, for some… that no one will ever really “get” them or may judge them for walking away from the relationship. Parts of them form and begin to strategize to either stay alone out of fear of having and then losing intimacy at any level, or choose to merge in with whatever group of people they are around or whatever situation they are in, becoming one with all around them and not much of an individual in most ways. There is tension and yet also relief as you find your ways to take care of and love YOU as your number one priority. There is sometimes also flatness, as managing these ups and downs (that are hormonal, sure, but also a genuine awakening to soul and heart pain) can be a challenging crucible to hold and handle and be with. So much depends on who you choose to be around and talk to and lean into for support. This shopping around, seeking, searching experience is one that can be incredibly mind and heart-opening, fascinating, and ever-arising too, as resonance moves in and out in very necessary growth phases. This again changes the social circle you choose to be part of and certainly affects the one you currently have as you continue to awaken to the love you are and the love you want to experience between yourself and others. There are so many different dynamics that are possible here and that play out in different ways, with many possible outcomes… yet the risk is always the same – if I don’t stay the same and they do, I will be friendless again or even for the first time…
The strong soul-pull to discover and remember our purposes is something that is happening more and more with people of all ages and soul groups, especially right now with ascension processes accelerating for everyone, yet when it comes to indigo, crystal and rainbow souls, for example, these social awakenings can come very early in our lives as we came in with a powerful, mission-based focus that is natural for us to feel, yet not so natural to “know” exactly what to do with. It can be very challenging to finds ways to fit in with others in our peer group, not because we are victims to this (though parts of us understandably feel this way sometimes) but because we chose for this to be the case… after all, if we actually DID feel as if we totally, fully, completely “belonged”, where would our sense of mission and awakening to our soul gifts have room to happen, take hold and start manifesting in our lives? To not suffer around this, means going IN and feeling ourselves with reflections from teachers and mentors who have also been there and can help us learn to navigate it, often much better than our birth parents ever could – not necessarily because they didn’t want to try, but because in some ways they weren’t actually meant to be the ones to lead you onward and into this.
Throughout the majority of my life to date, having and keeping a thriving a social world was very challenging. This is partly because I was always very much IN my emotional states and didn’t have templating for how to actually BE with them and hold them… no adult around me could help with this and my peers had a hard time relating to me most of the time, plus it eventually became a tool for parts of me to actually push and keep others away. Then there was spirituality and the deepening of THAT for me… and now I am on a very powerful and ever-expanding path that spans both my emotional AND spiritual inner realities and THAT is rare, though it seems that more and more people, as they awaken, are realizing how connected these two realities are and that they need healing in both in order to fully embrace and live into ascension. In my experience and observation both, I can see and feel how this ground of being naturally very emotional and also spiritual has been and continues to be a tough crucible for many of us… awakening does come at a cost, yet is intended to invite us out of suffering while holding the parts of us who cling to suffering as a way to be in life. One of these ways in which we seem to choose to continue suffering, is by surrounding ourselves with relationships that do not have a deeply resonant ground. Our social worlds collapse and expand as we continue to grow… but not without love leading the way and guiding us to our next places inward that then draw our next circumstances outward.
Not having a full social world to ground you can be hard for some souls, yet for others it won’t be and that poses its own challenges. Choosing the path of the lone wolf is also hard and even though parts of you may be working to bury the loneliness somehow, it is still there. These parts can be held, worked with and healed deeply, allowing us to feel how we really, genuinely feel, what it is we most deeply want and who we actually want to be around and spend time with. Our loneliness is sacred and alchemical… it is creative. It is a space where we can feel our deepest aches and desires for mateship, for companionship, for a community of people that continually arise for us as we arise for them. Being afraid of feeling our loneliness is expected and normal, but holding these parts of us who feel this way teaches us so much about ourselves and offers us much healing when it is held in our hearts FOR us and WITH love and Divine guidance and company too… we are never really alone, though this can be hard to feel and let in. Yet sometimes alone-ness can be a grace, a place to genuinely feel what we need to feel, and an oven to bake our arising desires in.
Perhaps you are part of a social world right now that may be running out of ground for you, as your awakenings are helping you feel pictures and energies of the sort of love you want to feel from you to you and flowing from you to others and vice versa… in the end, the choice is yours as to what steps to take next, and there is no wrong answer or true misstep along the way. Even our biggest messes seem to offer us many gems of learning, growth and self-discovery. Letting go can be painful and hard, yet in the end, true service to a relationship of any kind starts with feeling what you genuinely want and need, while holding all relationships with an open hand and heart. This becomes a grace to you and your parts, and them and theirs too, as everyone is then free to go along their own path, however they see and feel it unfolding for them.
I would love to serve you and help you navigate this terrain that can be so challenging and yet hopeful too. You are meant to become more of your essence, your light, your soul purpose and mission. You are meant to lead and BE a big part of ascension and we all need each other more than perhaps we ever have before!
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
A feeling of wanting to reach up and touch the sky above you… better still, leap up into it, soaring into the heights you so feel are possible inside your heart. You get it… you get that something inside of you is needing air and is collapsing in on itself in a struggle to fit into a mold passed down by parents and the media and all sides of your culture. You don’t know quite what you or your life are really “supposed” to look and feel like yet, and many choices (though you may not see ALL of them in every moment) lay before you.
Many, many different boxes packed with possibilities are placed in all corners of your room, wanting you to unpack them and see what could be inside. So many questions, all too often answered by pre-conditioning, regarding what you should do with your life and why, where you should live and why, what makes your life worth living and why… what should be your values, your morals, your ways of expressing, your ways of measuring your net and self worth. But it’s all a big ceiling that wasn’t MEANT for you, sweet soul! Oh my god, it was imposed on you and with your permission and you’ve let it stay there for this long, and now you feel the press of your bigness wanting to pop it open… but society tells you that this is “depression”, or worse still, that what you’re feeling and experiencing IS life itself and nothing more or less… this compounds inside of you until you pop like a jack-in-the-box, taking risks, saying NO, finding your way, crawling through glass at times and yet still finding your way – often a “way” that could not be prescribed by those who came before you. No. It’s YOURS and it was always meant to BE yours…
Oh, the things you are feeling… the stuck places where you feel there’s no movement. The identity “crises” (that are really OPPORTUNITIES…) these are ALL trying to move your compass in a different direction. This is trying to wake you up and shake up your way of BEing in life, showing you with neon lights that this is NOT the way you HAVE TO choose. Your 20s are a shadowy time in some ways… there are many shadows lurking around you, reflections of old ways of doing things that somehow was passed on to you, but now is your chance to find your NO and break through your glass ceiling. You do have the power to burst through this… after all, the ceiling is there with YOUR permission anyways, as is ALL of your conditioning from culture, birth family, and those friends you’ve drawn to you.
Maybe you decided to go to college. Going back is an option, but maybe doesn’t feel like the real answer… so much is stirring inside you, like a baby lion reaching deep within for its first roar. You’re meant to claim whatever this roar is and needs to be. Pushing away from what ISN’T you can take this step sometimes. There may be mess, but you are so held in every moment and there is so much support coming at you from all sides, holding healing balms and salves… guiding you to lean into a deeper, bigger, more authentic YOU that works without bells and whistles and cavalcades. It is a YOU that calls subtly at first and then gets louder when you’re ready to hear it and feel it. It is a YOU that wants center stage at the center of your being but cannot take it without YOUR permission.
YOU are here because YOU are an epic, HUGE soul and that ceiling you’ve been surviving under is cracking… it’s your choice now, whether or not you want to take the road that is known, or the one less traveled by. Either way, know that there is no wrong or right, only choice, and that every single breath you take is just as sacred as the first and the last. You have decisions at your fingertips and magic in your palms. The world needs you and you need you, to step into the calling to be a new sort of King and Queen – completely sovereign in your own self, leading others into the heart territory you too long to go in, feeling how what you really, deeply, actually feel is what is meant to guide you and others into new places and aspects of space and “time” yet undiscovered or unremembered. You are being remembered by the universe just as you are remembering yourself. There is so much beyond that cap you’ve gone along with for this long. There is so much more love, respect and absolute wonder waiting for you, wanting you to find and feel it all, coming straight from within. It is a constant choice that requires no more than your renewed commitment to it in every moment – Awaken with the soul pull knocking at your heart-door, or go back to sleep…
Which are you choosing?
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
This stunning image is an oil painting by Pablo Picasso
The free-flowing
free-to-BE feminine.
In ALL her curves
uncontained, untethered, unchained
a Yin fireplace with no cap
a place for energy
to locate and rumble through
before it too flows onward
through the passageway
of allowance
encouragement
empowerment without icons
of false power.
To be worn loosely
without control
yet with the most exquisite
movements of unknown choreography.
There is no plan to the Yin dance.
No prediction so correct
no way of being so learned,
so educated, so minded, and bound…
Only free words on a page,
and unsaid in the air
in the energy of true lovers
in the worship and reverence
of the light between soul friends
sisters
student-teachers, teacher-students
brothers
and those kin who find their way.
The Yin is a journey
without beginning, end or in-between.
An arisement of forever ISness
and LOVEness
Lovely and beloved
yes
but also tepid, intrepid
curious, passionate
fiery when necessary
yet soft and supple at its
coreless, corsetless
core.
It cannot be packed into a bottle
or locked in a cage
wild and not
tame and yet still not
but an IS that cannot un-BE
and shall forever reign
rain
living, loving and dignified
in each self that claims
an arising desire for more of IT
for more of THEM
for more of that garden
of growth
and forever softening stillness.
The dance’s dancer, yes.
The musician’s music, yes.
The way of the no-way
and the inward-bound traveler
of perpetual flow
movement
and onward spiraling
in a circle of circles
and never-ending cycles
that change and upend
and give unto the weary
a renewed ember
of climbing fiery light.
There is no kNOwing, only kNOWing
this energy of all no’s and yes’s
that bring it all together
in any way it pleases
and any way it wishes
in support of your deepest
heart
and all it holds within it.
I am in your music.
I am in your words.
I am the co-creator
and the unknowing, unknowable
eager experimenter
wanting to help you SEE
what you can’t…
I am that energy you yearn for
quite often in your own mothers…
The inspiration, the beloved love
the core of all you wish for
I hold WITH you…
You are the one I call
each moment of awakening
waking up to see and feel
the intangible yet very real
YOU – Arising! Claiming!
BEing!
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
that this is what they were made of in the first place.
Let that light of your inside heart-shine
glow in your deepest feeling place desires.
Those ones that don’t beckon
to your image-based ticks and jabs
but instead
show you who
what
you really, mostly deeply
ARE…
❤
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
I’m rebooting, re-calibrating, re-aligning myself to love’s flow in a new way. A way that holds a name change for me as my life broadens and my heart expands, letting in, breathing out, letting go, breathing in…
This is ascension. This is life. This is life with ascension in it… or ascension with LIFE in it. This is where it wants to take us all, bringing us to our gifts and to such a great amount of love that letting it in is the biggest challenge, not searching for it and finding nothing. Nothing…no-thing… it is no-thing-ness. No-THINK-ness…
The realization of it having always been there, waiting in the wings to give you back YOUR wings, comes onto center stage now. It pulls the curtains back on its own, shines through anyways… but if you find your space to let it and help it do so, you are in and of service.
Yesterday while in process, I felt these words come, inviting me, inviting you, to feel something so poignant, so important, for your own necessary and ongoing process and the spillover of your process into the global and galactic terrain…
❤ ❤ ❤
When you feel your self hatred, all it wants is love to override its fear…its deliberate self/loathing, caused by reasons based in hate… which is NOT the opposite of love at all. Nothing can be opposite, only another aspect, a way to try and hide the desire to love and BE loved…
What you call “hate” or even “dislike”, is simply resistance to letting in how much love, appreciation and reverence you can actually feel…. stemming from unworthiness inside you, feeling this way towards yourself. Hate is love covered with protective spikes. It makes love into a blunt instrument or even a commodity. It makes it an attempt to kill-off the one thing it actually wants the MOST… REAL LOVE.
… the sort of love that can’t actually die. The one element ALL is made up of.
In love, with love, falling into and embracing more love,
Kalayna ❤
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
I see the way your words dance off the page you’ve composed,
In lockstep with the processes of your mind
And your lion’s heart.
I see the King you are becoming and ascending to,
As your crown shows the ages, challenges
And dimensions
You’ve faced and walked through,
To feel all you need and desire
That helps you find your worth,
Your human man
And your powerful Emperor
Of galaxies I’ve yet to remember.
I feel the space you hold with me
As you stare into my eyes’ constellations
And penetrate my heart with yours.
I feel your energy press into my space
Of heart and mind, body and soul
And though you aren’t here,
And I may not have met you yet,
I see and feel all of this
As if I have already known you for a lifetime.
I feel the ways you see me too.
I feel you taking in my words,
My poetry,
My writings of healing,
Letting them move through your being
And move us both to our next places.
I feel you seeing me
As more than a body.
As something somehow beyond a woman
And yet fully a woman in every sense.
I feel you taking me in…
Letting me in…
Staring at me from across the crowded space,
Filling and feeling me with your gaze,
Caressing my back with your blazing hot touch,
Kissing me with a breathtaking steamy-soft wanting,
And pulling me into you as if parting would be
The last, most unthinkable desire for either of us.
Love,
When I meet you,
We will have already met…
Like this.
Already having felt the energy of what passes between us
With no effort or strategy,
Just personal love, self-love, growing cosmic and Divine love
And holding the sacredness of each of our selves,
Souls and hearts.
The reverence will be unmatched,
The love will be transmuting,
The hotness between us will be indescribable,
And the crucible of changes, growth and healing,
That stand for our deepening bond,
Will undoubtedly bring us both
To the next place of newly arising love
For ourselves,
And quite possibly,
Over and over again,
For each other…
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
There are some souls who have signed up to become masters in the domain of money and finances, and some even become financial wizards at very young ages. Then there are some who seem to not ever get a foothold on having a financially stable lifestyle; juggling multiple jobs, bills, family members to provide for, and a seemingly endless list of troubles. There are those who dance in between these two as well, and this is sometimes where we will find Indigos, Crystals and other souls like them. When I feel these souls, and also when I reflect on my own ongoing journey and healing with regard to money, I feel the tug ‘o war between old conditioning that we have been raised by, old systems that are collapsing, and the arising desire to keep blowing up these systems so we can live in an economy that is gift-based and involves living in conscious community with shared resources. This writing today is mostly for those who feel as if money is an area they struggle with. It is VERY possible to be of these soul groups and NOT feel as if money is a challenging topic!
There is a reality to ground into when it comes to current financial systems in place, and then there is also a more desirous way of being and transacting in life and in relationships that is more nourishing, and that is not only a dream but is something we are actualizing right now – if we can begin to let that in. This is the place where I feel these unique soul groups seem to have a lot of struggle. There is still a need for money to some degree, and money itself, after all, is only a piece of our overall consciousness about love and exchange… our very personal relationship to it, is what makes it either come into our lives in abundance or keeps us feeling as if we are victims, always needing more of it and never seeming to get ahead. Choosing what it is we want to do with the money we have (i.e. what we want to invest it in) is actually an area where we have a lot of power.
We often have a rebellious streak that wants to avoid the whole thing of having to find financial stability to some degree in our lives, and also we may feel entitled to free help or services. I’ve definitely had a lot to feel around entitlement, wanting things to happen YESTERDAY and sometimes also wanting financial exchanges (like food and rent) to be WAY lower, if not free. I also leaned into birth family for a chunk of my early adulthood for financial help, which they felt obliged to give me at the time. During my healing process though, I was guided to end this cycle and start taking care of myself… that’s where my real growth started to take root, in more arenas than just this one. At some point, I had to choose to invest in myself in a deeper way. This is also where SoulFullHeart came in, and because I was choosing to invest deeply in ME and the timing was right to do so, the money for sessions just sort of worked itself out somehow and, because it was the right path for me, the growth was (and is) exponential and paying off in many, many ways.
Though part of me didn’t want to work anymore unless it had to do directly with my soul purpose work, it turned out that life was actually trying to show me that for a phase, I needed to have a regular job to offer me the healing I needed in order TO be able to fully inhabit my soul purpose work much later. The main gift of this, I am now realizing, was being able to land more in my much needed personal healing. I needed the grist of having a job (or several) in order to feel myself and parts of me more strongly, to have them pushed up to the surface by their different reactions so that I could feel and heal what I was being asked to during this phase.This also taught be how to navigate and flow with life while engaging in deep inner work. This created a profound lifestyle change that is still evolving today, right along with me. There is a bigger trust in life that I didn’t have back when this all first began, but in hindsight I can now understand it… I needed to trust deeper that if this is what life was showing me I needed to do, there would inevitably be something big in it for me. Perhaps one of the biggest gifts I can cultivate from having gone into the gift of every single job I’ve had as an adult, is that I can now digest it in writings like this one, with a desire to help you find your own way to more trust in the choices life is offering you (regardless of what soul group you belong to!). Finding stability is an act of self love and care. We may need to make choices that de-stabilize us for a phase too, but we ready ourselves for that by allowing ourselves to actually HAVE stability for a while, laying a healthy groundwork inside of ourselves to be able to find our way with sanity.
It’s easy as young people fresh out of university or college, to feel imprisoned by debt. There can be a lot of guilt around wanting to bail on it or maybe some self-image pieces around declaring bankruptcy because of it. I feel strongly like debt actually IS a prison sentence that we are ALLOWING to be real for us. It is another way to be distracted from our true healing and soul purpose work by feeling predominantly like victims to the systems we are trying to shift and change. Well, what I feel to be more and more true these days, is that these systems are already collapsing in on themselves, because they were always meant to. Love has already won. There is no real battle to fight here, we just have to find ways to climb out from under the rubble. Feeling angry or upset is so normal and expected and indeed, for phases we do need our outrage (I’m especially talking to Indigos here, feels like) in order to help move things along, yet, if you think about it, who is that outrage meant to ultimately serve, but YOU? Whatever, wherever it leads you to, it is the path you are choosing and the path you most need at this moment. Feeling knocked sideways by the realm of money, is a symptom of something inside of US that needs to be felt and healed. As we choose to go inward, the systems will be and ARE collapsing outward. Your outrage is a roadmap to your inner world of pain and desire, both, and you DO have an effect on the collective on different levels whether you decide to go in and heal or not…
This philosophy is so applicable to any area of our life where we feel we would like to experience more abundance or an easier flow. Going inward about it is where we can feel and experience our true power and alchemy. We are infinitely creative beings, all of us. Though it’s difficult to understand at times why we seem to be struggling to get ahead, especially if we are conscious at all about the HUGE souls we are and the importance of what we came here to do and lead, we must stop looking outside of us for answers, for we are literal packages of goodies and shadow, both, that need love and care to unpack. We are hardwired for being a part of the deconstruction and reconstruction of the changes going on in this world, and as such, we must be grounded by doing this from the inside, first and most importantly. ❤
So, sweet “love sponge” souls, try to soak up some self love this weekend… if this area of life really is a struggle for you, you can try journaling with a part of you who holds on to this struggle and needs YOU very much right now. If you wish to, you can try the following questions in your journaling…
What does “money” mean to you?
What would being “financially stable” mean to you?
If you have some reactions to Leena’s writing about money and finances, what are they?
Let me know if you ever have the desire for a session to help you digest this and other areas of your very sacred life!
Lots of love to you, loved ones…
Kalayna
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com
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