Love – Page 67 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

The Loving Room: Entering The Doorway

Published on May 14, 2017July 27, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

Painting by Josephine Wall

Graphic created by Gabriel Heartman

You wander down a corridor, doors on either side, some with much space in between them, others not. Some are painted in beiges and browns, some have psychedelic colours, others look and feel like rainbows and light… then one catches your eye just as you begin to pass it by.

You immediately stop and turn on your heels to head back towards it, not sure why you’re compelled by it all of a sudden, but it doesn’t matter to you in that moment. The aura of the door feels warm and you get the sense that someone on the other side might want to embrace you… your logical mind tries to grasp at how this could be possible, yet it begins to let go in almost the same breath, sensing it might have a place to rest in this room. Your hand reaches out to turn the golden knob, only to realize that the door is no longer solid. You step through it, as your mind begins to loosen more.

Now inside, you see that the ceiling is gone and there is only a sky with clouds, dancing themselves into different forms and patterns, some of which you recognize, others you don’t. There seems to be layers to this “sky” you see above you, and in fact, this room seems to have layers too somehow, or at least you can sense it does. You also see some lush sofas, comfy chaise lounges, luxurious hammocks, friendly plants and you hear music playing softly in the background now, a welcoming sound that doesn’t have its usual form or patterns, but it has frequencies that somehow send waves of HUM through your body and the energetic field around your body too.

You take this in for a few moments, feeling the fresh air and beaming sunlight. It’s not a room, yet it IS a room too somehow. And as your mind continues loosening, the need to make “sense” of this dissolves in spite of you. A feeling that you’re “home” washes through and over you. A feeling you haven’t really felt before, except maybe as a very young child, and yet it feels like something you experienced at another time and place too, not in this life you have been living as “you”.

As you walk around the room a bit, you see that there is no clock to track “time” as there would be in most rooms you’ve experienced.

On a wall of vines, next to a majestic tree, you see a large mirror, taller and wider than you are, leaning yet stable. Its framing looks and feels ancient, with filigree and rosettes. As you gaze at the self reflected inside of it, at first you see features and colours that you recognize as “you”. This feels to last but a moment before something shifts and suddenly you seem to be seeing yourself from a very strange angle, yet the mirror itself hasn’t moved! This angle is awkward, showing you parts of your body you’ve avoided looking at at times and it seems you can also see your shadow appear – first above and behind your shoulder, then also near your neck on the opposite side, down near your hands, beside your leg, and close to your feet. Your shadow moves suddenly and seems to cover you, accentuating the angle you’ve already decided you don’t like seeing… yet you stay there, in front of the mirror, compelled to see more, to feel more, to get to know more.

“Why?” part of you asks, “why now? Why do I have to see myself this way?”

As tears fall, you begin to realize what’s happening. You turn away from the mirror and lay down on a sofa as you continue to cry. You feel something rise up from within and without you, holding you as this happens. It is the embrace you were drawn to on the other side of the door, the reason why you stepped into this room in the first place. You collapse more into the tears as memories come in. You are surprised at how you don’t feel overwhelmed by this and that you’ve actually been wanting and needing this release for so long…

As the tears fade, you continue to feel the comfort of that embrace. You feel stronger than before. A smile spreads across your face and a lightness you haven’t known since you were a child fills your being. Your heart feels a bit raw, but the healing balm of this lightness and joy help to hold and soothe it.

You don’t really want to leave this room, yet you sense that now that you’ve been here, it will be with you always, and you can always return to it whenever you want or feel called to. As you pass through the door, you realize that the memory of what happened here will always be with you and the embrace you felt is bound to change you forever.

Welcome to the Loving Room. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Expanding Beyond The Ceiling You’ve Known

Published on May 12, 2017 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

imagination (1)

Along this path of healing, we start realizing that there is something higher than the ceiling we’ve been used to… the feeling of who we are, the stories we’ve been, this starts to fade ever so slightly while we wait for more to come in and shake out the old, once rigid approaches to every aspect of life: love, relationships, money, work, time, nature, etc.

There’s a turn towards a new importance, a focus on something above and around what you’ve felt was your normal. Even the normal ups and downs of every day, where reactions to various people and situations are so common place you may not really notice them or question why they are there. This is not meant to be tricky or hard to do… this tracking arises as its meant to and we can choose to shift or stay where we are, yet that ceiling above us keeps wanting to rise and rise, nonetheless!

I feel for myself how I’m in this very process right now, where there is a desire to reach up higher, beyond what I’ve previously felt possible inside parts of me. It’s a desire to ascend with my entire being, my whole heart, my very insides joining in with my outsides. My closest relationships lead the way for me to feel and BEcome this more and more, as I’ve worked for this place of BEing with them as my personal growth deepens and expands, both… I can feel my leadership arising anew, looking and feeling much different than I ever thought or dreamed it would. In some ways it’s in its infancy and yet in other ways I’m already there.

Reaching out and up, touching the places above and beyond the immediate notions of who I am and who YOU are… there is much more to discover as the flowerbeds inside are tilled and shifted. The places of waiting are collapsing into places of new arrivals, new waves of immediate coming-ins, even while the goings-out are felt and at times mourned too. So much to let in and let go of too, making room for only MORE, not less. There is no “less”, now, though parts of you may still experience life this way. There isn’t less money, there is only room for MORE! There aren’t less relationships in our lives, there is just space for ones with MORE resonance and love!

The lighting up of our very BEings is happening at an exponential rate, a quickening pace, if we can continue opening up our petals to let more sunshine in. Today, this is my focus as I continue holding classes with my English students, hold a SoulFullHeart facilitant, hold my dog and her needs and hold myself and what I WANT and NEED in this upcoming and already ongoing chapter of newly accepted yumminess and possibilities… a day and yet a whole life too of response and moving UPward as each new moment dawns and each new experience beckons my heart to keep pressing forward into a more central place in my very full (and yet filling up!) life.

This invitation I feel inside is welling up to call to the beacons inside of everyone I have the chance to touch in some way… including any of you taking this in. We ARE called to more and more and still more than parts of us are ready to imagine possible, especially when they have been so used to suffering and feeling as if the ceiling above them is pressing downward (when it really wants to be moving upward). The next level of consciousness to climb up into is at your heart’s doorstep, calling you out to play, wanting you to join in with its chorus of feeling life as fun, alive and beyond your as yet dreamed dreams. Maybe you’ll move your ceiling upward today, just as I too am working towards. The connections there to self and other smell, feel and so seem worth it to reach for again and again, until the way becomes clear and the movements towards it become abundant and ultimately, unstoppable. ❤

***

Rushing Heart, Patient Soul, Aching Body

Published on May 10, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

sacred-sex

Hurry, soulmate, hurry here…

Though the rush is only in my heart

and my soul that knows no waiting, says,

“Meet me in this place as soon as life readies you,

and the ripening of old personas prepares them to fall away,

baring only the branches of your truest self

standing naked as an apple tree in winter…”

I remember you as I remember me.

I feel the lifetimes of scarcely feeling one another

yet knowing each other just the same,

though fears and avoidance called us apart

in geography and deeper claim

of everything we wanted to have…

I’m not missing you this time around, love.

My dance continues as you gaze in the windows

with your higher self at the helm of your dreamworld.

…it’s not a dream though.

Everything you see, feel, touch, taste, smell

is me

is us

is what we’re here to have and create together…

I will NOT miss you this round, love!

You will know my lavender call and rose-light glow

of timeless age and accustomed wisdoms

bringing in love-dance energies,

calling out your realest name…

Our bodies will know the exploration

of the deepest caverns among flourishing wild flowers.

My femininity longs for the touch

of a masculinity found through the yin of him…

the feeling-space container of a long unbidden love force

now unleashed and unbound.

I won’t remain un-found by your searchlight

streaming outward

reaching into the places inside my honeycomb tresses

and vines of sacred unity.

We will speak of it all, love!

Of those things we’ve tried and tested

and consciousnesses that have bested us

so far.

It’s a strapping down into a straight-up bolt

of lightning fire creator gifts

launching our ways into the worlds of now

and the expeditions of all kinds

inside these places we have still to rediscover.

I’ll lie awake and think of this, love!

Only this.

Even as I serve and move forward and bring it all back inward.

In these dark nights on my own

and yet not alone.

With the firm grasp of imaginings dawning and breaking

upon the body, heart and soul

that waits and creates for you…

to bumble out a careening new way

WITH you

inside US

and into this endless upward thrust

of upending, ascending existence! ❤

***

Mate Ache, Self Ache: Finding The Sacred Union Overflow Inside

Published on May 9, 2017May 28, 2017 by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

love flow

As powerful light waves and ascension boosts cascade upon us, this seems to bring up so much ache at times (which some may be surprised by since it has been so covered over for so long) for a mate to share the experience with. There is a growing feeling inside me, of how my heart wants to dance in a picture of the bond I’m waiting for, looking for, aching for, baking for… working for inside myself. As this desire lights me up, I’m reminded to not leave a single stone un-turned, as anyone who pops up on my radar could be the soul and heart I’ve been waiting for.

It feels like sometimes we miss each other… like maybe we tend to walk right by, or “scroll” right by on the internet. We don’t realize that the person grabbing our attention right away may not actually be the one we’re deeply searching and preparing for. Physicality and geography can be big reasons why they evade our inner search engines, as parts of us keep looking for very specific criteria that often no human being could really live into. It doesn’t feel like this is about these criteria though, so much as about resisting relationship, messiness and the mirror it all wants to offer us for our next growth edges. There is so much to be learned on this path of mate desire and so many patterns that become illuminated, and every single bond that arises gives us the opportunity to see and feel ourselves that much deeper.

This is where the ache that we feel for an other to come in and be in a romantic bond with us can really be turned inward instead… which is often the harder mate to be with, for those of us who have parts that resist even that (as I’ve felt in myself during my own process)! Yet the way to be with ourselves is so the way we then can be with others. It’s actually a very powerful practice ground for relationships of all kinds, as we learn to feel ourselves more deeply and also feel more drawn to ourselves as we heal, enjoying time spent with our own hearts and souls. THIS is the overflow place, and the nest that needs the most clearing out and sprucing up in preparation for THE mate to come in… it is the process I embrace and have embraced for a long time now, and something I treasure that’s really blossoming inside me more and more these days. A sincere readiness is arising to let someone else in while I’m also continuing to let MYSELF in… and wow, is THAT ever a lot sometimes! Especially with personal growth continuing and along with that, some strong shifts in what it is I feel I most want in life.

The ache for self is a sincere ache, and one that may actually be more powerfully alive inside you than you now realize consciously. There are parts in there, longing for your love and attention and looking for it outside of you instead, reaching for an energy, a love, that you are meant to cultivate within… placing this need on the outside and asking a partner or friend to be this healing force for you can strain any relationship and can even cause underground resentment as the transaction ground runs out. I’ve been in several bonds that seemed to head in this direction and without enough me there to hold my own ground with my own parts, the ground of these relationships eventually collapsed. This happened in both directions, it feels like… I wasn’t holding myself and he wasn’t holding his. The ache for yourself can only really be answered by you. It is a sovereign, fertile ground for a stunning garden of self-love and reverence to grow and grow and GROW… and life and the relationships you have now WILL mirror this for you, wanting you to see it, for the benefit, first and foremost, of your own heart and soul growth and expansion that then gets to lead and be in intimacy with others AND a mate.

My own ache for myself is now being answered by an arising me that is consciously healing and stepping more and more into service of others. It is what will overflow to a mate soon, as he comes forward and steps into this healing path with me. It is what’s possible for all of us as we earnestly find our way into the caverns inside of us, shining lights in those long-forgotten crevices that still ask for our help. It is an ache that is meant to be felt and quelled and satisfied as well as a power-filled first step into the oncoming stream of outer mateship possibilities that want to reach us and help this cultivated love flow onward, onward, onward…

❤

***

Come WITH Me, My Love

Published on May 9, 2017May 9, 2017 by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

Come with me, my love

Down the spiral staircase of my heart

Into the garden of my humanity

Bear witness to it succulence

It´s uniqueness

It´s burned and broken places

Come with me, my queen

Along the paths of weathered words

And the trails of new beginnings

Water the wilted with your loving care

Ignite the growth with your fiery passion

Will you follow me into the unknown?

Into the cauldron of our being?

Will you dance with me among the golden lilies

As well as the prickly cactus and forest ablaze?

Will you join with me in the exploration of our sacred sexuality?

The slow caress of my hands

Upon your beautifully sculpted, divinely feminine curves

The electric sparks that leap off our tongues

Setting fire to our chakras one by one.

When we reach the gateway of our heavenly union

Will you come with me?

May I come into you?

Into your atmosphere where you shine and fly?

Into your hidden and protected caverns?

The places where few have been allowed to tread

Into your luscious and sacred garden?

I will not pluck your flowers

Or step on your sprawling vines

I will sit patiently for you to join me.

To share with me you tales

Your stories of adventure

….of agony

….of strength

….and weakness

I will etch them into my heart

Weave them into the tapestry of us

Though they belong to you and you alone

They share a sacred place in between you and me

Come with me, by beloved

As far as we both were meant to go

To unravel the mystery of who we were meant to be

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

This Beltane Call, For The Love of US

Published on May 2, 2017May 1, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

beltane

Beloved that you are,
When the smoke clears
on life’s regulating ways
and gives way to the undulating meadows
of new love’s first spring,
there I’ll be
standing in the light
of the sun shining above me,
firm in the ground I walk on
yet lightly walking toward your ready stance,
singing a song
we will both remember.

In Beltane’s past, my love
we dined and danced
and brought together our intertwining
everythings
to mingle in the love light
of the divine masculine and feminine dawnings.

In Beltane’s new arrivals, love
we’ll linger long
in embraces for only us to feel
in the eye of the mind’s connection
until the refreshing breath
of a crisp and ripe chapter
brings us closer
in all elements of this life’s wanderings.

In myself I stay here for you, love
finding more treasure long buried
to show you
in vulnerable ownership
echoing the also deep claim
you have inside of you for you.

The winds of change
and graspings of renewing tides
grip at our thrown-about clothing
to move us closer
to the edges
that keep US alive…

Together we will meet, my beloved
and there we will find
what we have been searching for…
a counterpart
not to bind, but to bond
not to cling, but to sing
not stifle with duty
but to bring out with bounding life’s alterations and celebrations…
of each new movement
here…

Bring your mountains out to greet the new day, love
and see the power of our sunshines mingling
on the new, insatiable appetite
of a love reunited
in a way that was agreed to
long ago and yet NOW too.

Even NOW I make a vow to you,
to be all the more loyal to myself
and dedicate overflow to you
to what we will create together
in our messy masses of alchemical baths
and swooning passes.

Love, when we do meet again
here
I will dress the moon in your honor
and harness the sun’s rays for your Kingdom to come
and our world that is being reborn…

On this Beltane celebration day,
As I ache for you
I prepare that place in my heart
that is you-shaped
where you already live…
and that place in my body’s life
where your essence will connect
so much
oh, so much…
with mine.

***

The Humility Of Really Feeling Our Emotions: Indigo, Crystal And Rainbow Souls Blog Series

Published on May 1, 2017May 1, 2017 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

heart-1783913_960_720

There’s a certain amount of sanctity and sanity we preserve by NOT feeling, at least until the layers on top of our true feelings begin to give way and dissolve because of pressing life circumstances and swelling emotional reactions – THEN it can become insane-feeling, as chaos is created outside of us, pushing these feelings up even more as they call out for our attention. This is true for ANY soul ANYwhere. The piece here for Indigos, Crystals and Rainbows is much the same as for any awakening soul and heart – NOT feeling how we really feel becomes the much crazier choice than actually letting ourselves in. Yet too, there is something here that may be time-bomb-baked inside of us when we are in these soul groups, alerting us to this need for changes INSIDE of us at a much younger age because we are here to do so much work as leaders and healers.

I don’t hold any elitist sort of feeling around claiming I’m an Indigo. I actually feel it kind of lightly. For me it feels like a bridge and also a helpful explanation as to why I care so much about my growth and living into my soul purpose when I’m only just turning 30 this year. I became a “seeker” at age 14, which led me to a desire to serve others and feel my capacity to do so. However, this came in with some shadow pieces like arrogance and self-righteousness too and even in my already-cultivated self-awareness, I still wasn’t quite touching these and others, like entitlement, and narcissism, to name a few. This has been a part of the soul package I came wrapped in and some big things to work this life. I signed up for SoulFullHeart at age 24 because I wanted to work these things… taking breaks between then and now so that I could humbly go into life without consciously holding a process from time to time, which only illuminated more for me in the end. Once you sign up for the bullet train of deep healing, there really is no going back, try as parts of you might… 🙂

It took many reflections, some very hard to take in, for me to truly feel humbled, or rather, for parts of me to truly feel humbled and really start to feel what was really going on for them. There are soul wounds and also this-life, human wounds to feel too. These words of “arrogant”, “entitled” and “narcissistic” did NOT go in easily and there has been a lot of pain in even having to see myself in this light. What has been harder is feeling how TRUE these words have been for parts of me who haven’t been challenged on their ways of being in life before! Until meeting Raphael and Jelelle Awen, I hadn’t had a single relationship with another teacher, healer, parent or friend who could bring these pieces to me and if they did, it wasn’t with love and compassion, but judgement from the parts of them who are the same way. I can’t explain to you the difference between these two experiences. It’s really something to feel for yourself. ❤

Feeling our shadow and what’s underneath it is an important aspect of the process of going within. What has appeared to be “in shadow” inside of us is actually a whole lot of pain that wants to surface and be healed. There are immense gifts on the other side of all tears shed when feeling our shame, hurt and even rage. As our layers of inner and outer protection melt away because we are finally safe enough to really feel ourselves and our parts, we feel these movements and realizations come to us with fluidity on waves of love that come from outside and inside of us too. It is a humbling process, to unravel deeper and deeper knots and layers protecting the precious yet strong vulnerability of the Sacred Human seed inside… the seed that is meant to grow, flourish and serve love to so many others!

Parts of me have needed to be how they’ve been – there is so much to push away from in our cultures and birth family conditioning and understandably, there is also a lot to protect ourselves from…until there isn’t, that is. Being emotional is still not a fully-embraced thing inside of many, though arguably it’s becoming more and more so as more of us awaken and can no longer deny how we really feel about anything or anyone, dark or light, or while in chaos or stillness or somewhere in between. During this ascension process, this is all being pushed up as light codes and astral influences constantly invite us to really SEE and FEEL ourselves in a much deeper way, illuminating the places where we still need healing and more authentic love flow. If you sign-for some help with this from SoulFullHeart, everywhere you need to go with become illuminated and we get how hard this can be to feel through. It is a deep healing practice and while there is so much joy, there is also much sobriety as the transformation it offers you really does start within and flow outward to every other area of your life.

Indigos, Crystals, Rainbows and the like are at an advantage age-wise and also soul-wise. We signed up to wake up early and to draw to us the paths that would help with that. Becoming more and more humbled to where our paths are taking us and that we DON’T truly know ourselves in earnest until we’ve really felt our shadows be challenged by someone holding up a mirror with LOVE behind it, is so important if not critical if we are really here to help awaken and lead others. We must first awaken to OURSELVES, let alone ascension, let alone Gaia, star beings, or anything spiritual. The heart truly is where the journey deeply begins and where all legs of it ultimately return to. And there is no other path quite like the one that really embraces and supports an ongoing exploration of our inner worlds, without an “end” place where you can declare ourselves fully-healed, and with plenty of juice for the journey inward and upward. ❤

***

Carrying “Home” With Us Always: The Yin Of A Visiting Sea Turtle

Published on April 29, 2017April 30, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

Sitting on the beach, feeling and discussing sacred feminine energies with a new connection was magical enough… yet in the next arising moment, a giant mama sea turtle came wandering up onto the beach, likely looking for a place to nest. I stood back while others scrambled to watch her and take pictures from close-up. I was struck by her beauty and power and felt tears welling up in my eyes as I took her in from a distance. I felt concern for her safety with the crowd around her, yet she took care of herself and went back to the ocean. This wasn’t the time for her to come ashore. Her task of laying eggs could wait a little longer.

She beamed with a natural stillness… a willingness to slowly make her way to her next chapter of laying eggs. For us, this is like embracing the process of going inside, planting seeds when it’s time to outside of us without forcibly making our way, and taking good care of ourselves and our inner-seedlings in the meantime. Time is something that doesn’t exist in the animal kingdom/queendom. Their sense of “timing” comes from making sure they can continue doing what they know innately they are here to do. Maybe they have a sense of their own mortality, but maybe they don’t need one to encourage them towards living life, because they are so in the moment at all times and not married to any sense of days, minutes or hours. Life arises for and with them again and again.

I feel a strong template and a connection to the Divine Feminine in this turtle. She had a stillness in her beauty and a beauty in her stillness. There was no need to somehow construct a self-image that would make her appear more attractive. She had a natural course of action, a path laid out for her by her very nature. She was beautiful because she was HER unabashedly… and not trying to be anything else. And, she took care of herself. She was vulnerable to human harm and yet strong and determined in her vulnerability. In her Yin way, she carries her home with her always. A place to retreat INside to whenever she needs, especially for safety and comfort. We have this too and with process we can get to this place of also carrying our homes with us ALWAYS….

During this time of growing desires for the mates we really want to have in our lives, nature is giving us a lot of clues. It feels like there is a NATURAL fit for everyone and sometimes that fit is simply YOU for as long as it needs to be. In this way, there really is NO competition. This feels true for life paths and soul purposes too… the days of competition are coming to an end as those who are ready to serve out of a deep love overflow inside of themselves from doing immense work there, step up now in all of their strong vulnerability and natural them-ness. We are all learning to arise for ourselves in ways we hadn’t realized were possible and we thus we’re starting to arise for each other too!

THIS is the beauty of collapsing constructs and systems and ways of being… once they have collapsed INSIDE, then the rewards come forward and the pure joy of being able to serve and BE love in a much purer form than before can really fill us up!

To this strong, stunning part of Gaia in sea turtle form, thank you for showing up when and how you did yesterday at the beach… I am still digesting your visit but wow, you’ve already taught me a lot… and I look forward to more. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess.Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling What We Really Want In Our Social Worlds As We Awaken

Published on April 16, 2017September 25, 2017 by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

On a Saturday night, I gaze among the busy social streets and walkways, humming with activity and energy and alcohol and friendship… sometimes coupled with drama and pain and backed-up emotional outbursts. During these party times, you can feel the buzz in the air that will soon be in every body, not just from substances taken in, but from the high of socializing, being among peers, perhaps finding love, sex or making new friends. There are grounds here that are healthy to explore and some that aren’t really in a sense, and yet it’s all sacred and it’s all ultimately a path to self-discovery and remembrance, even if this isn’t made conscious in the moments these selves, these individuals, these human BEings are in.

While young, being spiritual can find its place in you if this is what you’ve signed up for… exploring consciousness can sometimes happen with your peers, while at other times it won’t or just can’t. For a phase this journey with them can only go so deep and that’s fine with you for a while, but beyond that phase when that was enough, it’s not quite enough anymore. This is when values shift along with ideas of life and how to live it consciously and more fully. This is where certain areas of focus, ways to find pleasure, and paths to feeling a togetherness with others all rumble beneath your feet and in front of your eyes. This is where your life begins to turn itself upside down in countless ways as you begin to feel the need to push away, sometimes dramatically, sometimes subtly, but always in a way that reminds you, you are your own person and you have your own sense of what energies you need and want to be around as your self love heals and deepens.

There can be a fear arising then, for some… that no one will ever really “get” them or may judge them for walking away from the relationship. Parts of them form and begin to strategize to either stay alone out of fear of having and then losing intimacy at any level, or choose to merge in with whatever group of people they are around or whatever situation they are in, becoming one with all around them and not much of an individual in most ways. There is tension and yet also relief as you find your ways to take care of and love YOU as your number one priority. There is sometimes also flatness, as managing these ups and downs (that are hormonal, sure, but also a genuine awakening to soul and heart pain) can be a challenging crucible to hold and handle and be with. So much depends on who you choose to be around and talk to and lean into for support. This shopping around, seeking, searching experience is one that can be incredibly mind and heart-opening, fascinating, and ever-arising too, as resonance moves in and out in very necessary growth phases. This again changes the social circle you choose to be part of and certainly affects the one you currently have as you continue to awaken to the love you are and the love you want to experience between yourself and others. There are so many different dynamics that are possible here and that play out in different ways, with many possible outcomes… yet the risk is always the same – if I don’t stay the same and they do, I will be friendless again or even for the first time…

The strong soul-pull to discover and remember our purposes is something that is happening more and more with people of all ages and soul groups, especially right now with ascension processes accelerating for everyone, yet when it comes to indigo, crystal and rainbow souls, for example, these social awakenings can come very early in our lives as we came in with a powerful, mission-based focus that is natural for us to feel, yet not so natural to “know” exactly what to do with. It can be very challenging to finds ways to fit in with others in our peer group, not because we are victims to this (though parts of us understandably feel this way sometimes) but because we chose for this to be the case… after all, if we actually DID feel as if we totally, fully, completely “belonged”, where would our sense of mission and awakening to our soul gifts have room to happen, take hold and start manifesting in our lives? To not suffer around this, means going IN and feeling ourselves with reflections from teachers and mentors who have also been there and can help us learn to navigate it, often much better than our birth parents ever could – not necessarily because they didn’t want to try, but because in some ways they weren’t actually meant to be the ones to lead you onward and into this.

Throughout the majority of my life to date, having and keeping a thriving a social world was very challenging. This is partly because I was always very much IN my emotional states and didn’t have templating for how to actually BE with them and hold them… no adult around me could help with this and my peers had a hard time relating to me most of the time, plus it eventually became a tool for parts of me to actually push and keep others away. Then there was spirituality and the deepening of THAT for me… and now I am on a very powerful and ever-expanding path that spans both my emotional AND spiritual inner realities and THAT is rare, though it seems that more and more people, as they awaken, are realizing how connected these two realities are and that they need healing in both in order to fully embrace and live into ascension. In my experience and observation both, I can see and feel how this ground of being naturally very emotional and also spiritual has been and continues to be a tough crucible for many of us… awakening does come at a cost, yet is intended to invite us out of suffering while holding the parts of us who cling to suffering as a way to be in life. One of these ways in which we seem to choose to continue suffering, is by surrounding ourselves with relationships that do not have a deeply resonant ground. Our social worlds collapse and expand as we continue to grow… but not without love leading the way and guiding us to our next places inward that then draw our next circumstances outward.

Not having a full social world to ground you can be hard for some souls, yet for others it won’t be and that poses its own challenges. Choosing the path of the lone wolf is also hard and even though parts of you may be working to bury the loneliness somehow, it is still there. These parts can be held, worked with and healed deeply, allowing us to feel how we really, genuinely feel, what it is we most deeply want and who we actually want to be around and spend time with. Our loneliness is sacred and alchemical… it is creative. It is a space where we can feel our deepest aches and desires for mateship, for companionship, for a community of people that continually arise for us as we arise for them. Being afraid of feeling our loneliness is expected and normal, but holding these parts of us who feel this way teaches us so much about ourselves and offers us much healing when it is held in our hearts FOR us and WITH love and Divine guidance and company too… we are never really alone, though this can be hard to feel and let in. Yet sometimes alone-ness can be a grace, a place to genuinely feel what we need to feel, and an oven to bake our arising desires in.

Perhaps you are part of a social world right now that may be running out of ground for you, as your awakenings are helping you feel pictures and energies of the sort of love you want to feel from you to you and flowing from you to others and vice versa… in the end, the choice is yours as to what steps to take next, and there is no wrong answer or true misstep along the way. Even our biggest messes seem to offer us many gems of learning, growth and self-discovery. Letting go can be painful and hard, yet in the end, true service to a relationship of any kind starts with feeling what you genuinely want and need, while holding all relationships with an open hand and heart. This becomes a grace to you and your parts, and them and theirs too, as everyone is then free to go along their own path, however they see and feel it unfolding for them.

I would love to serve you and help you navigate this terrain that can be so challenging and yet hopeful too. You are meant to become more of your essence, your light, your soul purpose and mission. You are meant to lead and BE a big part of ascension and we all need each other more than perhaps we ever have before!

You can visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information on session space.

Sending you lots of love and support… ❤

Kalayna

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Tug of Love

Published on April 4, 2017 by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

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You desire, wish, and sometimes physically ache for Love with another

It is encoded in our human heart and every cell in our body

But to call on Love is to call on You

To be ready, but not prepared, to show up for all that arises in each moment

For there is no planning true love

The fire of this passion and want can be met with meeting that INside

The swirling cauldron of your own Self Lover´s Love

Along with the fear that it is actually on its way

And the fear that it may never show up

It is all part of the terrifyingly majestic dance

That enters your world without warning and sets you ablaze

To find yourself opening up the hiding places

The ones only you visited or never knew existed.

It can be a tug of war this tug of Love

This precarious tightrope of exalted dizzying heights

At the edge of what lies under the chasm of complete unknowing

The difference between falling and flying

Is how much you trust in your own ability to let it in

And give it out

The courage to see yourself in your Glory as well as your Fury

To trust that Love kNOWs better and everything that you thought yourself to be

Will no longer BE the same.

As you have the chance to experience something Rarified

Undefined

…and Intensified by your own willingness to surrender to its calling.

Gabriel Heartman is a teacher, facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. You can learn more about him at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

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