By Kalayna Solais – Page 5 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Taking A Day To Be With Your Inner Child

Published on March 6, 2020 by Kasha Rosa7 Comments

By Kalayna Solais

Dedicating a day to be with your Inner Child or any other part of you is hugely rewarding and such a deep way to express love for yourself. Connecting with parts of you and aspects of your Metasoul in other lifetimes as well is a huge way to really connect in deeply with this frequency of loving and appreciating who and where you are in your journey as it is right now.

There was a day this week that I decided to spend with this deeper aspect of my own Inner Child that has emerged recently. I’ve done so much work, feeling aspects of me like her in many different layers and expressions over the years, that she feels not only like an ‘Inner Child’ but also like she vibrates at a core place inside of my ‘healer’ and ’empath’ too. The sun codes were vibrating and a local park, a personal favourite place to BE in this city where I live, was calling us out to be in it, hanging out with our beloved duck, squirrel, and tree friends. We even brought along our little ‘duckie’ stuffy to ‘introduce’ to the REAL ducks there! 🙂

When I met this part of me, she had been living ‘alone’ in her world until I connected with her in a recent session with Jelelle. Connecting directly with me is new for her and it’s her first time really letting in intimacy. She has some social trauma to keep feeling with her, which all started when I was very little. She is very sensitive and empathic (as Inner Children tend to be) and she is learning how to let others in in a deeper way, with my help, and not assume that others don’t like her or to find reasons to stay in her world all alone, isolating herself from relationships of all kinds.

Discovering her has been a huge, HUGE gift to me, as she is helping me feel the deeper core disconnect from others that has been a habit for me my whole life this life, and where this disconnect has come from all along. She is a big part of my healer’s heart and desire to serve love, so helping her move into a new space in deeper connection with me and also with others I am in relationship with will really help ME step more into my soul purpose work with more self-love overflow and an expanded capacity to hold space for others.

As we spend ‘time’ with these precious parts of us, we are offered a very powerful portal into ourselves. As they become less afraid of ‘getting in trouble’ for what they’ve hidden from us when it comes to who they are and why they’ve reacted in the ways they have to life and relationships too, they can quite quickly shift into their more magical, joyful frequencies, which seems to really free up our hearts in new and arising ways that maybe weren’t exactly expected!

Much love, from my parts to yours. ❤

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Process Of Healing ‘Sisterhood’ Inside and Out

Published on March 1, 2020March 12, 2020 by Kasha Rosa5 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

Letting in REAL sisterhood… the kind where you aren’t calling each other ‘sister’ because of blood or because somehow spirituality has told you that you ‘should’ in order to honour oneness and acknowledge, even just on the surface, our equality.

Real sisterhood is about calling each other ‘sister’ from the depths of our healing hearts as women. It becomes a declaration of love coming from the sisterhood inside, healing between parts within us who have been against each other for different reasons, and making space for this same frequency and depth of healing to happen between souls we are connected to on the outside.

This is new. This isn’t a process for which the depths of it have really been acknowledged. It’s challenging to look at how deep and often unconscious the competitiveness, comparison, and fear of each other lives and breathes within each of us as women. Simply starting to call each other ‘sister’ only reaches so deep. It so easily becomes a label without a heartbeat and without genuine care about each other.

To care about each other as sisters in soul and heart requires an awful lot of letting ourselves in, of feeling how and why it’s been hard to have deep intimacy with other women both in this life and in other lifetimes too and the karmic binds alive in them. It’s easy enough to let parts of us claim that this is a result of our conditioning and the messages in the media alone… yet, when we bring this inward, we can feel how yes, the outside influences have been there for a very long time, yet where the looping of this conditioning can finally close and heal is on the inside and this is where those lifetimes of persecution and pain can finally heal too.

Since the latest women’s call last weekend and for a few weeks beforehand, I’ve been letting in resonant relationships with other young women around my age who are doing the same SoulFullHeart process work that I’ve been doing for years now. We are taking the space to connect together, sometimes for several hours at a time over video call since we don’t live in the same country at the moment and can’t connect in person. We update each other on our personal processes and feel them together while we also clear anything that needs to be felt and cleared between us, feeling our hearts in the space and the desire to become closer. We feel our soul resonance and soul sisterhood on a deep level wanting to become more of a felt reality between us. This is not something I’ve experienced very often, especially with women my age, and that’s been so painful that parts of me in the past have shut down the desire for it altogether.

This is all an expansion of what I’ve experienced moving in me for years now with Raianna and Jelelle as part of this process too… but to be experiencing this with young women in my actual ‘peer’ group is a whole other thing, not surprisingly!

There are moments of caution that arise in these connections. On my side, I feel where this comes from is how often parts of me have felt ignored or unwanted by other women. The social pain of this continues to be flushed out, as even this morning I felt with a part of me that I’m calling my ‘Inner Sister’, how foreign it feels to really be ‘seen’ in my gifts by women my age and to SEE them in theirs too without feeling jealousy or defensiveness first. There are concerns for this part of me that we are/she is the ‘problem’, always, in every connection that goes sideways or when painful reflections are sometimes offered about how we’ve impacted others when connecting with them. Feeling shame takes over for feeling compassion for where the other person is coming from. This is all so much about intimacy though, and having a deep and real connection with other women needs to just feel strange and foreign and unknown until it becomes the new normal to be in these sort of ‘catalytic’ (not ‘catty’) relationships that get to expand the healing and growth on both sides. And, ultimately, the feelings of shame and being ‘the problem’ live inside of me between parts of me and this is the only place where these reactions and projections can fully heal.

We truly cannot place expectations on other women around us to become ‘sisters’ in a deep way without acknowledging the work that needs to be done within and between each other. This process though is so worth every moment of tension and expansion, because it IS what seeds the ‘reLOVEution’ we’ve been wanting to experience in how we relate to and treat one another, especially as feminine energies who are all here to be in our bigger soul purpose work and Divine Feminine LOVE ambassadorship!

Much love,

Kalayna

***

Incoming Spring Sun Codes Remind Us To Be ‘Gentle’ Within

Published on February 29, 2020March 8, 2020 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Solais

In this hemisphere, we are now skirting the edges of the awakening of spring time, which supports us all to do our ‘spring cleaning’ on ALL layers and levels of our BEing. I walked home from my day job yesterday to take in the sunshine, feeling intuitively that I needed it as support for my own personal transitions and upgrades right now.

What I seemed to capture in the photos I took were some powerful codes that continually encourage emergence from this last winter’s sometimes very intense inward time. I also felt them lighting a spark within. A spark of burgeoning clarity but also of the motivation to keep going, keep feeling, keep letting in the next growth edges and phases while letting in love too.

It’s that ‘while letting in love’ part of it though, that still trips up so many, it feels like. You can be a ‘maniac’ for personal growth and still find it challenging to let in that love is ultimately holding the space for it all, encouraging and supporting you to keep going but to do so with self-love and care too, even gentleness with yourself, which shadow explorations especially need since they have often been so long met with angst and anguish or completely ignored instead.

Sometimes I have to remind parts of me, as desirous as they are to keep experiencing their own healing, that any energies of self-punishment on our way there won’t work anymore… this was especially challenging during my separation from SoulFullHeart this past year. I was reminded by another brilliant, bright soul who is doing this work and living this process that I needed to remember to ‘be gentle’. When she offered me that, I realized how much I, Kalayna, was not holding the process waves coming through but that it was other parts of me, mostly masculine in energy, that were being very hard on themselves to try and ‘get through’ what we were trying much to hard to dive into and feel through. I’ll never forget the impact those words ‘be gentle’ had on me…

And so, here I am, offering them to YOU now…

“Remember to be gentle.”

Maybe this is one of the big messages from the incoming energies right now. As they intensify, actually, we’re left with little choice BUT to discover what being gentle toward ourselves actually means for us individually. The ‘old’ ways of shadow-hunting, of finding ourselves in processes inspired solely by tough and hammering ‘triggers’, of saying ‘yes’ to social situations or going outside of ourselves when what we really need is a bubble bath and some ‘me’ time, are being invited to be felt deeper as we let in and honour the parts of us that have held our/their processes in this way, thinking that they need to stay in their suffering loops in order to experience ultimate healing… in order to ‘deserve’ it/feel ‘worthy’ of it.

There’s so much to tenderly feel with these parts/aspects, however/whenever you can… there are many beautiful guided meditations from Jelelle Awen on our Youtube channel: SoulFullHeart Experience, that can help you start to feel them and bring them into your opening up heart space.

Much love to you, today, and always, during this time of transition into a new internal and external ‘season’ and beyond!

Love,
Kalayna Solais

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are exquisite space holders who are incredible at supporting you in your ongoing personal process. 1:1 sessions with them are available as well as monthly virtual group calls: soulfullheartwayoflife.com

***

The Ongoing Journey Of Serving Love

Published on February 18, 2020March 1, 2020 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Solais

Service is a journey, not a destination…

When I first started awakening and paying close attention to different spiritual teachers, authors, etc, parts of me took this whole world of being a ‘leader’ in personal development, healing, etc as a place of arrival; as somewhere you land, someday, and never leave and are never really asked to leave. I didn’t know back then about the dis-integrity that often comes with these high-up places and ‘roles’ that are often not heart-inhabited or emotionally awakened though the soul may be quite ‘attained’ in many ways.

Parts of me wanted to be one of them… wanted the accolades, the spotlight, the sense of ‘arrival’ and ultimately having ‘healed’ so much. Really though, it was the feeling sense of living your truest soul purpose day-in and day-out, fully aligned with who you came here to BE and what you came here to offer others that was the shiniest asset for me.
Yet… it wasn’t exactly real.

At least not in the ways that I was thinking it was at the time.
There’s a sheen and a glamour that is starting to fade and tarnish now. There are still those who are worshipped yet the abuses they are part of toward others and ultimately themselves is starting to show through the shiny fabric. The ‘Wizard of Oz’ can no longer hide in this process of Ascension.

Even the most highly praised leaders are starting to realize that their sense of service of others, to whatever degree it’s been genuine for them, is in fact an ongoing journey and not an ultimate destination where you no longer need to grow, to look at yourself, to realize what has been hiding in the shadows of your heart and soul that now need to purge out and be seen and felt, loved and humbled.

The desire that has always been with me to get to some ‘place’ where I can serve love more directly with individuals and groups still lives in me to some degree and every day I feel it. I see it show up in others too, even many young men and women are much younger than me, who have parts of them that feel the need to aim for this ‘destination’ place, often as a way (and it was this for me too, once upon a time) to leap-frog over the necessary life experiences and deeper healing processes that come first and foremost in order to be fully embodied and feel the humility (and humanity too) that comes with being of deep service; an alignment with yourself, your soul, your own ongoing healing process that overflows to others with deep integrity and honesty.

I’ve learned over and over again to not rush myself to ‘get somewhere’ I may not be for a while. Supporting those around me that are in a flow of service feels right to my heart for now. I don’t feel that in this I am shrinking at all from my bigness, but that I’m being given space and an invitation to explore my own process deeper, trusting that all of the inward time opens out as needed into some expression of service that can only expand as my soul does.

Maybe, then, we can say that there IS an ‘arrival gate’ when it comes to service-of-love flow and one that you simply ‘know’ you’ve arrived at when you have, yet that it’s only another leg of your very individual journey of YOUR ever-deepening healing and growth process, meant to shift every ground within and outside of you, in all areas of your life and with all parts of you/aspects of your soul.

Much love to YOU on YOUR journey of ‘arriving’ where you are right now… into the invitation to just keep feeling yourself, trusting that this is what truly takes you, with the most integrity possible, into your next phase of ‘service’ to self and others. ❤

***

Heart-warm Closure With The Men Of My ‘Past’

Published on February 13, 2020February 19, 2020 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Solais

Last night before going to sleep, some really sweet energies moved through my heart space that I so wasn’t expecting, but I welcomed it all fully. I felt invited to think about the men I’ve been with or ‘almost’ been with in romantic relationships. The ones who parts of me felt rejected by for some reason, the ones who kept me in the “friend zone”. The ones I made love with or talked about making love with. The ones I wanted to marry. The one I did. The ones I “friend-zoned” and sometimes felt confused about. The handsome ones… well, they were all handsome, let’s be honest. And I loved all of them.

In all of this I felt how much I STILL love them. And a genuine appreciation for them, and whatever relationship we had or didn’t have. I learned a lot from each of them. And somehow, up until last night, parts of me and Metasoul aspects in other lifetimes too, felt primarily rejected or cast aside or ignored… or simply unworthy, not good enough, and made it seem to themselves like these patterns of “not ever” being with a deeply passionate man who can truly meet me in all ways, “stay in the room” with me, explore his King’s leading and trailing edges while I explore my Queen’s, would last forever.

There’s no romantic companion in my field at the moment. No prospects or crushes beyond the etheric ‘mate’ I can sometimes see and feel. Yet, I felt guided to keep feeling this through. And for the first time, I could see not only the gift of each of these connections I’ve had, but the gift of ME that’s come out of each of them and the ways in which they were each able to adore and love me, no matter how complicated it was or wasn’t between us on a romantic or even just a friendship level. My own Inner Masculine took notes throughout all of these connections, I’ve realized, and decided from each of them what he would take with him and what he would help me say “no” to in the future, even within him, himself, in my relationship to him as an Inner Father, Protector, and Mate too.

My personal process is so deep for me that no matter what happens in my life, I “mine” it for the golden nuggets, the exquisite diamonds, of personal growth and healing on a heart and soul level. I have looked deep into the mirrors of all of these relationships with still more layers emerging, and I’ve been willing to let that show me what the truth of ME has been throughout it all; which parts of me were hiding or activated and where/why, which Metasoul aspects were feeling the pain and the sting (and also the joy and lust) in their own timelines.

All of this exploration has been rich beyond measure and I’m still reaping the rewards of these inward journeys. It’s because of this work that I’m able to, for the very first time, HONESTLY say “I am GRATEFUL for it all… for every cut, every bruise… every loving touch, every hug and kiss… every unconscious choice and every conscious one too.” If any of these men are reading this (many of them probably won’t because I’m not connected to them anymore… but I know their Higher Selves are listening and feeling this) I want them to know how much I can feel the adoration I and parts of me have always had for them on many levels, even with the impact we had on each other and the fear-based choices that sometimes overtook the love-based ones. We’ve helped shape each other into the people we are now and I know in my soul that I needed every single one of you.

Maybe now we can move even more fully into whatever is next for all of us.

Much love to you as these Valentine’s Day energies bring out whatever you may need or want to feel through in your own romantic life or even just with regard to the Sacred Union within…

Kalayna

***

Following My Soul’s Call To New Geographies!

Published on February 5, 2020February 15, 2020 by Kasha Rosa4 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

For years now, traveling to Europe has been in my heart, ignited by a soul ache for frequencies that feel more like ‘home’. I don’t just mean on the level of feeling like my Metasoul aspects from many different ‘priestess’ lifetimes and the like get to return to their cherished sacred sites and monumental megaliths, but I’m also talking about the powerful galactic connections that live in that part of the world, where the veil between the ‘ancient’ and the ‘NOW’ is very thin.

It’s an indefinite ‘goodbye’ to Canada for now, though I can’t know when/if I’ll feel called to return here. I am leaning into the long-felt call of a nomadic soul journey which actually feels much more organic to who I am and always has!

I’ll be flying to the UK with my beloveds, Raphael and Jelelle Awen, to initiate the journey, but after we land we’ll have one night together and then I’m off to Scotland, a place that has been calling me relentlessly for a long time now! I do have ties in this life there, having the legal birth name “Calder” from my dad’s side where there’s definitely some Scottish heritage passed down, but in my soul, I’ve always felt connected to the energy and beauty of the land and have yet to discover on a higher-dimensional level, WHY I’m so drawn there.

After spending May in Scotland (in the Glasgow/Edinburgh area) I’m not sure what’s next. My Avalonian priestess heart feels the call of Avalon/Glastonbury and always has. My Celtic soul longs for the rich countryside of Ireland and the stunning natural beauty of Wales. My woman’s heart leans towards the feminine energies of South of France. I’m beyond excited to let in that I get to see and BE in these places and all of the European countries I’ve wanted to visit for so long. It’s all unfolding and quickly too!

When I reunited with my beloveds in SoulFullHeart after being separated from them, I didn’t think I would be making this journey so soon. I knew I wanted it, but also that I wanted it to be connected to them and to service somehow. I trust my soul on this one, that there’s going to be deep processes coming up for me in these ‘new’ geographies that I can’t access here, and that this all deepens my level of leadership and service in this world. What I heal within for myself I also heal in order to serve love… that is my deepest intention. And if the service of love IS my biggest desire, then there’s nothing to feel ‘afraid of’ on this journey but a whole lot to keep trusting, with every step that unfolds and every new direction I’m asked to take by the Divine.

Can’t wait to share more about this as it flows and moves me onward and into my Higher Timeline more and more! ❤

Much love,
Kalayna Solais

Feeling Held By Divine Mother During Intense Life Transitions

Published on February 1, 2020February 5, 2020 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Solais

As usual, when the world on the outside feels intense and hard to be a part of, I feel the arms of Divine Mother enfolding us all… encouraging every one of us to go back inward and start there before we try and ‘do’ anything on the outside, for if we can come from love (especially of self) and not despair or disdain in our action-taking, we are miles, leaps, infinite bounds ahead of the intensity of collapsing timelines and the pain of what’s burning up still in 3D life and conditioning.

It occurred to me yesterday that often when my own life is shifting, I end up making choices that are somehow rooted in wanting to dismiss what ‘isn’t working’ anymore or to have an energy of disdain or even despair and disappointment leading the charge. I began to feel into this as the way that parts of me have ‘had to’ lead decision making oftentimes in the past. But, what if that doesn’t ‘have to’ be true anymore? What if now I can come from a heart that is FULL of trust and love, understanding that sometimes things don’t work out the way parts of me were picturing they would, but that ultimately my soul is leading something GOOD?

And, what if this is an invitation not only for me but for others too? Because if I’m feeling it for myself, it’s definitely something that is rumbling through the Oneness that connects us all…

I know for myself that making space to go back inward and collect the parts that are feeling upset, distraught, unsure, uneasy, etc, helps to settle the energies, remind them that I am here, that they are supported, that they can trust me and trust the Divine. If I don’t feel like I can hold a candle for easing the distress they might be feeling, then I’m not taking enough space to feel myself and to create that Haven/Heaven they need to lean into inside of me.

This is the template that Divine Mother provides us through absolutely everything we face and walk out. She offers too, much much context to lean into if we can be still long enough to hear and feel Her when things feel overwhelming and hard and when life is in upheaval. Patiently she waits by our side as we pick up the pieces of our breaking hearts. Openheartedly she holds compassionate space for what we are learning to hold space for in ourselves and what we are learning to create with Her, with love, in our outer worlds.

So often, even when I’m in the middle of a deep fog and A LOT of pain is coming up from whatever part/soul aspects I’m working with, I hear her say to me, “You are finding your way…” and even when it feels as if I’m not, I know and trust that I am.

“You are finding your way” can sometimes mean we are fumbling in the dark for a while trying to figure out how to turn on the light. It can sometimes mean stumbling upon ‘roadblocks’ on our way to realizing our desires. I’ve never felt Her say to me that I shouldn’t want what I feel I want. I have only ever felt Her encourage me (and especially my masculine aspect who is used to finding ways to just ‘get it done’) to keep surrendering to the timing and the overall unfolding, but not to dismiss the dream altogether, for the ‘how’ is far less important than the dreams of the heart and the overall journey of the soul that we really cannot help but be on.

Much love to you during these ‘Imbolc’ energies that feel like they are inviting transitions into new timelines, all held by Divine love and support…

Support is here in SoulFullHeart should you feel drawn to a session with Raphael or Jelelle Awen and there are many guided meditations that may help you as well on our Youtube channel: SoulFullHeart Experience.

Love,
Kalayna Solais

***

Honouring Your Own Unique And Very Personal Journey Of Ascension

Published on January 23, 2020January 28, 2020 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

By Kalayna Solais

Feeling behind. Feeling as if we are risking being ‘left behind’ if we aren’t able to tune into what everyone else that shares awareness of Ascension is tuning into and feeling personally. Fearing that we aren’t going to be enough to ‘ascend’ or to be ‘chosen’ TO ascend, perhaps.

These are feelings that I think so many of us can resonate with on some level. These fears feel existential and like they live in our Metasoul aspects in other timelines who HAVE been ‘left behind’ by others and on a deeper level still, there’s more to feel about ‘abandonment’ by the Divine too… maybe also in this life parts of you have trauma from the ‘competition’ conditioning, from growing up in a culture where you are always striving to be THE best, not YOUR best or even just where you are at and having that be ok. There are so many layers to this and for me, I’m still discovering many of them personally and how deep they go.

I’m a part of a highly catalytic process and soul family community that we always say is on a ‘moving conveyor’. The more work you do within you, the more your outer world changes and the more shifts you feel invited to take of your own volition too. The more parts of you that you feel in their traumas and begin to have a relationship with, the more you realize the changes you need to make in your life in ALL areas of your life.

This means that at any time, one of us could decide unilaterally that there is something we need to address, move on from or move toward, and that could be a big thing or a small thing. There are always next and next and next steps too as the inner awakening and openings deepen. There are new discoveries and new strata of consciousness that begin to open up and out. New relationships are drawn. New alchemy on all levels. All of these are sacred journey markers that are very individual and a result of the individual journey. It look and feel like pure ‘magic’ and it really is, but it’s also worked very hard for.

When you have conditioning in your soul’s timelines and the heart of your parts from this lifetime that there is something always to envy in others for the sake of feeling badly or ‘not good enough’ inside of yourself, this isn’t that easy to digest all the time. Jealousy can be kicked up. A feeling that you must be lacking something or have something ‘wrong with you’ if you aren’t experiencing what they are experiencing. This is one of the major reasons why I needed the break I did…. so that this comparison dance and suffering loop could be deeply felt into by me, so that I could arise for myself with more respect and self-love. This could only happen if I got big enough for my most intense and self-punishing parts/aspects to lean into me. This was the crux of my process at times in relationship to the lives of others around me too… feeling parts of me envying their skills (that they’ve worked hard for), their fitness level, their relationships, etc. This has gone on and on for me for as long as I can remember… and only now is this starting to shift into new ground.

Why is it SO hard to just BE with our own journey? Why do we look to others for templating but then resent them for it at times?

These questions feel complicated and like the answers lie within every individual. I think it’s so hard to remember that we are ultimately here to experience Ascension in a PERSONAL way, though we are returning to oneness too. I’m discovering, especially as I feel a relationship beginning with a Reptilian aspect of me, just how deep this ‘programming’ of avoiding the individuation process of our healing and Ascension actually goes and why it can feel a bit scary.

I had a yoga teacher once, many years ago now, who offered something during class that made us all laugh but it was actually quite poignant. She was showing us the many stages of one particular posture. When she got to the most advanced one, she said,

“See? There’s NOTHING there! There’s no need to rush yourself into this ‘advanced’ place when you have so much to discover along the way”.

That really impacted me at that time and it remains with me today because I think I was supposed to take that in deeply for my own ongoing experience of spirituality and of life itself… it really IS about the journey and not the destination. Ascension is a journey. ‘5D’ is not really a destination so much as an invitation into a new frequency in which to anchor our consciousness as much and as often as we can. Every individual’s soul expression and attainments are their own, often worked for over multiple lifetime experiences and deep inner work too. There’s nothing left to ‘envy’ if we can see it this way… but there could be a lot to be inspired by!

Plus, our own journeys, when we have the space within to honour them, are proof positive of our own inner work and also the growth and healing phases that we personally need that are a reflection of our bigness in order to be with them. Maybe there is no ‘ultimate destination’ but in fact, it all keeps deepening and expanding from here. This is such a humble way to look at and hold ourselves and this whole Ascension process on a collective level too.

I wanted to share this bit about my own journey and discoveries as an expression of my own uniqueness that I’m learning to embrace more and more. I hope that it helps you feel more love and respect for your own too… for the journey you’re on as YOU.

Much love! ❤

Kalayna

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Coming ‘Home’: My Journey Away From And Back Again To Soul Family

Published on January 19, 2020January 19, 2020 by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

I feel like I’ve arrived back ‘home’…

And in many ways, I have!

I have been on a journey inward for the last three months. I collapsed my relationship to my beloveds here in SoulFullHeart, my ‘title’ as a Facilitator/teacher of this way of life and process, and even my ‘role’ as a wife on a deeper level. I have been returning to myself. Returning ‘home’ to me so that I could feel what I truly wanted in my soul and what I was working, healing, and birthing on that level and beyond.

For me, this separation phase was never about completely severing everything that has made me ‘me’… this SoulFullHeart process has been the one thing that has ever worked for me, reaching deep into the heart and soul of my wounds and my gifts too. In fact, it was this process that held the steps into separation and the bigger context of it and held all of us through everything that came out of it and is still unfolding too.

Letting go of these souls that I have so much ‘history’ with on a heart and soul level has been one of the hardest things for me to do. What was so interesting to me though, were the many moments of dawning realizations, not just of what had to collapse between us and why in both this life and other lifetimes, but also of these newly arising senses of how to serve myself in my own unfolding process and how this was the only way to find connection with my beloveds again if that was to arise someday. This allowed me to feel so much surrender to every moment of sadness, anger, despair, joy, and connection both inner and outer and allowed me to allow in the Divine, Star Family, parts of me, and aspects of my Metasoul in other lifetimes too.

I found ways to feel my heart again, even though it was breaking. I found openings within me on the other side of many tears and sometimes rather feverish journaling and deep meditation experiences that allowed me to feel deeply loved and held by an energy both bigger than me and as big as me too. I could feel my beloveds actually living inside of me, where they would always live, no matter what happened next.

And, I trusted. Oh, how I trusted… I trusted every time I felt like trying to be social was a stretch for my parts that day and stayed home instead. I trusted every journal entry, every time I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, every time I was reminded to be gentle with myself because parts of me were getting too caught up in accomplishing or ‘getting over this’ already and couldn’t be gentle with themselves or each other. I trusted every feeling of being in a heavy downward shame spiral, knowing that if I could just hold it and be with it, I would find the other side of it. And sure enough, there were my guides in the form of beloved Metasoul and Divine connections, calling out to me, reminding me to lift UP and hold it all with my bigness and heart capacity, not go down with it. I realized over and over again how humbling this is to do and how no one can teach you how to do this, it has to come from your own experience.

I’m still digesting the goodness that I’ve earned now…that is really about earning the expanded capacity to transact goodness and love with others, not the goodness itself so much. I had goodness even in the separation. I just have it again in these precious relationships with those that know me better than anyone ever has and who I am getting to know and fall in LOVE with all over again.

My heart is full, happy and humbled to be ‘back’… to be in sessions again as a Facilitant and perhaps eventually a Facilitator when it’s another phase of that for me. I highly recommend meeting with Raphael or Jelelle for a session, at least one, to get a taste for yourself of what I’m sharing here. This process has a deep impact that can’t be forgotten, even if you only dive into it for a while. More information here about sessions: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Much love to you, from the heart of my journey to the heart of yours!

~ Kalayna

***

Shiftings And Completions In SoulFullHeart Community (Personal Update)

Published on November 26, 2019November 26, 2019 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

We wanted to offer an update for those of you who may be curious and also have been feeling the shifts in our community too. About 6 weeks ago, we decided that it would be best and good for Kalayna Solais, who has been a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and intimate part of our community off and on for seven years, to take some space from contact with us. That eventually led to her living in Gabriel’s studio apartment while he moved into the downstairs suite in our house. During this time, we had been in a very little contact space with her, other than coordinating life details.

The purpose of this space was to allow Kalayna to fully land in herself and her own parts and process as there had been a pattern of behaviors coming increasingly to light that were becoming more challenging for her and for us to continue to be with. Also, we have felt SoulFullHeart go into a higher timeline, especially leading up to and after the 11/11 portal and this is ‘shaking out’ the previous configurations and bonds, inviting me and all of us to go into our next places of growth and embodiment in intimacy and in service.

Yesterday, we all met as a group again to see where she was and where we are and to digest what the space had offered to all of us. I don’t feel to go into detail about what was shared as that feels private to Kalayna’s process and want to respect her confidentiality in that way. We haven’t been sharing much publically about this ongoing process for us with her as we wanting to have the time and space to sort through the various reactions, the years of history and experience and digest on a Metasoul/karmic bond level as well, and to land in more clarity about it as well.

It did become clear yesterday that while there is a sweet affection and appreciation amongst all of us, that Kalayna is best served right now to continue to take more space for herself and her own process away from community involvement and connection. This may end up being a completion for all of us with her. Even as this was sad for us all, there was also a sense of graduation of the previous forms and configurations between the five of us that has been quite an amazing and growthful journey!

I feel in my heart so much gratitude for Kalayna and what she has held, being for so long the ‘only’ woman in the room receiving what I had to offer. She has been so brave to go through all these beginning stages and phases with us, including living in a campground in RVs and four intense years in Mexico with very little money and means, and then to be with us in our phase for the last three years of expanding growth, interest and draw in SoulFullHeart.

I believe with all my heart and soul that the Divine leads us where we need to go and I follow the guidance to let go when it is offered, even if it personally sad and hard for me (as this has been at times for me.) My process related to Kalayna’s leaving has been primarily around letting go of her being a woman in support to me, no longer needing her for that (which is healthier for us both feels like) and trusting that I am in a place now of a growing draw and collaboration with women. I prefer now to let her go to find her best and highest timeline (as I don’t feel I can KNOW what that is for anyone else) and to treat with respect her sovereignty, and the possibility that parts of her and her soul may really need to choose something else and a new path in life.

There are words below from Kalayna that she wanted to share.

Thank you for being with us in witness to this significant shift in our community,

love,
Jelelle Awen

From Kalayna:

SoulFullHeart has been my ‘lifeline’ in more ways than one. Every single phase I’ve had within it, including the gift of being married in Sacred Union to Gabriel, my best friend for many years, and having ample templating for how to hold and treasure intimate relationships with myself and others while serving love with pure intentions, have all landed deeply in me and none of those memories and learnings will ever go anywhere, they’ll just deepen and land more… I have very sacredly ‘high standards’ now to lean into as to what deep and meaningful connections should look and feel like, especially within, and those inward connections are the number one priority for me in a whole new and much deeper way.

This has been a very, very challenging phase of separation for me as you can imagine yet the digestion yesterday was deep and appreciated, with much bittersweetness as we all move on feeling what’s been illuminated and what we need now, and still feel love and appreciation for each other. The old ground of relationship really can’t move with any of us into the new and every new sense of why that is, has been both hard to feel and hold and yet relieving too.

I’m continuing to hold my process through the SoulFullHeart lens and even if that lens no longer fits someday for whatever reason (hard to imagine at the moment), I’ll always, always remember the many deep benefits I’ve gotten out of being not only in this process, but offering it to others, and being in close connection to this community with Jelelle, Raphael Awen, Raianna Shai, and Gabriel Heartman for as long as I have. I feel like I wouldn’t be moving through this new phase and process with as much grace and sanity if it weren’t for the ground I had with them and within this process and all the gifts it gave me of profound Divine connection and connection to myself too.

It was a blessing to be ‘in the room’ with as many of you as I had the opportunity to… I’m sending much love to you all, and like Jelelle said, if you have any questions or want to connect with me, please feel free to PM me on facebook.

Love,

Kalayna

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