Our relationship to ‘time’ is changing, and we’re invited to feel this more and more.
It’s not that ‘time’ is ‘evil’. Time, like money, has gotten a bad rep due to projections and the way we hold and relate to it. Aging, for example, can be a frightening concept for a few reasons… our bodies start shifting in ways we can’t control, though parts of us might work very hard to do so. Perhaps you’re one who has over-attached to this concept of aging and maybe the idea of someday ‘running out of time’ has been scary too. It feels like so many of us have come into this life with a sense of soul urgency, mistaking this feeling as a warning that we need to get somewhere (though we may not know where exactly) and fast. Of course we do only have a limited ‘time’ on this planet, yet in another way, perhaps these urgent feelings have been more about an ‘urge’ itself. A drive to keep going, to keep feeling, to keep moving forward while moving inward. It feels like parts of us can sometimes hijack these urges and make them about something else, and of course this is the veil of illusion that we signed up for in 3D anyways and something we are meant to find our way out of. The scene from Labrynth where Sarah is stuck in an illusion and forgets about her original quest to get her baby brother back comes to mind. Though in SoulFullHeart we would hold that she chose this illusion, not that Gareth or any other entity, energy or figure did it TO her.
It’s part of our awakening to realize that time is only as real as we make it and also that it’s needed to be real here on Gaia for many reasons – many of which we have yet to uncover. Time is both a man-made and a Divinely created construction. I feel like it has been offered to us as a container to press us onward into healing. It has given us a well-laid out playground to journey through 3D and find our way through the dark tunnels of 4D. It has made us acknowledge differences in ourselves and each other, contributing, if we let it, to our sense of conscious duality. Just like money, time is an expression of love and is a mirror too. It is often seen as ‘scarce’ and held by parts and metasoul aspects of us as a source of intense stress. What we’re invited to feel now, is that time is another aspect of abundance and that it, like love, has no inherent ‘lack’, but only more of it to let in.
This may not play out literally in our lives as we know and live them, at least not in this moment on Gaia, but we can trust the infinite nature of it, and that it too was created for and WITH us. It reminds us that we co-created the reality that we now ‘know’ and that in another way, it is as infinite as we are and wants to be a part of our manifestations in this world.
Embracing time as a gift given to us for NOW, can perhaps help us feel a different relationship to it and to so many other concepts parts of us have deemed so far to be troublesome. It’s another invitation to feel that Love has already WON and there is nothing to fight here, only to tap into as it invites us to keep tapping into ourselves and our hearts.
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
Things are sorting out faster now. More rapidly with more clarity, sometimes fueled by heart and soul vision. Sometimes fueled by frustration and wanting to end the pain and suffering. What to commit to more deeply and what to let go is becoming clearer in all areas of your life. What to go into as it serves what you most want and your service of love VISION…..and what to release as it doesn’t reflect that envisioning.
With the activation of your highest timeline during this intense energy month of August and especially during the recent eclipse, the download so freely available and gifted to you…..you are then given the choice in every moment to live it out or to retract away from it. To move it forward or to pause. ALL of this is your sacred choice, although the highest timeline choices are the ones that most serve the manifestation of New Earth reality for yourself inside and for the collective.
More overlap seems to be happening between these processes of collapsing timelines and arising timelines with less gap and pause. Meaning, you are feeling increasing desire and clarity WHILE the old is falling away. The new is coming in WHILE the old is moving out. The energies of mourning and celebration coming together, weaving, and operating in the same moment sometimes. Bittersweetness.
Parts of you may be feeling the sweetness while other parts of you are feeling the bitter. Being with the different energies AS parts can help with the overwhelm that can grow inside over these divergent frequencies. Checking in with your higher self and higher guides/aspects can be hugely helpful in this process too. Asking to reconnect with and feel your highest timeline can infuse it into your body and flush up in your emotional body the parts of you that may have fear, resistance, and doubt. Feeling and holding space for the fear and doubts too that come up as you let in the higher timeline.
Continually claiming the higher timeline and not falling back into 3D anchoring is not easy at times, as I offered yesterday. Yet, in another way, it IS what you will do eventually as the higher timeline you and your higher timeline life are ALREADY happening. And choosing the higher timeline is what love wants you to do and BE, so the more love you can feel with yourself and with your parts, the more support you will feel to live it out in the Now and NOT delay it. Bridging the gap between THIS now and THAT now is where the challenge is and feeling all that comes up in this walking out.
The higher timeline is waiting for you AND it is available in this very moment to be claimed, tasted, moved toward, lived and, most of all, loved!
Jelelle Awen
We can support you in our SoulFullHeart process to navigate toward your higher timeline, to identify and feel your 3D self that may block its manifestation, and provide support as you go. We now offer a free 30 minute intro session: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions
Photo taken by Raianna Shai here in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
Our suffering so often comes from violent choices.
Violence is chosen when parts of us decide to bury themselves, to bury their pain, covering it up, numbing it out, putting makeup on it, pretending it either doesn’t exist, or in some cases hiding it in plain sight through sabotage of this relationship or that job or through self-harm in the form of addiction of any kind.
Violence is chosen when parts of us decide to see the world as personally oppressive, racking up reason after reason, building a case for their victimhood, making it inevitable that an intense push-away always becomes necessary and the world feels like ‘us’ against ‘them’. As we assuage the battles within, there ARE times sometimes when we receive violence and abuse or aggression from others and DO need to advocate, to turn away, to all-out walk away from what needs to collapse for the sake of our self-worth and also at times our survival. Sometimes this has a violent playout and fallout. If this situation lasts, there is likely some deeper violence still happening within, because this relationship on the outside represents a battle raging on the inside. It is a climate that your parts have gotten used to… and have not learned how to be or even imagined how to be anything different towards each other.
Violence is chosen when parts of us hold rigidly onto ways of seeing and feeling others. In some cases, parts don’t want to feel others’ perspectives, or, would prefer to feign compassion rather than be in the process that allows them to feel genuine compassion for the first time. This serves as a numbing of the self. It is a focus on keeping the victim inside alive and pushing away the budding King or Queen of heart and soul. It is also violent when we try to press our point of view on another who isn’t ready or doesn’t want to take it in. It is violent too, to use aggressive energy behind our words and point of view. These examples are another way to become numb to the needs of others and the ways in which they need to walk out what they are walking out, without name-calling or unfair readouts. This is a hard thing to avoid doing when we have so much tension inside from us to us and part to part… this does move over time though and is so important to keep feeling as it comes up.
Violence is chosen by choosing to eat foods that are violent to the planet and/or to our bodies. I don’t offer this as a piece to feel shame over, but rather something to just feel into. It does feel important to let this in and to make new choices, feeling the parts of you that have resistance to this along the way, so that they can come with you and not feel as if THEY are experiencing violence against THEM, as this dynamic can happen too…
Violence and revenge in different forms have become a strong underpinning in our cultures worldwide. It is a way to see war as an option, protests as the only means of revolution, and aggressive, ambitious efforts the only way to be ‘successful’.
A reLOVEution can be and IS so different than this… than even those subtle twinges of wanting to fight fire with fire in some way. There is a way that we can stand up for ourselves through boundaries and vulnerability that doesn’t need to result in withholding love in any way. We can find a way to teach ourselves new ways of being in life and in LOVE without committing any sort of violence, suppression or oppression inside.
This is as much an ongoing process for me as it likely is for you too. I have had many years inside of a process of peeling back the layers of inner violence and battles and even recently have felt a Metasoul aspect that still lives in the era of Women’s Suffrage in the UK. Really intense timeline, that one. Talk about fighting fire with fire! She and I have been able to feel that there IS an alternative to these violent means of ‘fighting’… feeling how bringing vulnerability is actually the key to deep inner and outer change. She is still being convinced of the truth of this, as she understandably lives in an intense time and hasn’t really seen this in action, but she is trying and that is enough for me to feel something MORE wanting to come and be inside of me and thus from me to others too. I actually feel her helping me write this piece today… it’s helping her digest her reality and new possibilities that are arising for her and for others.
A new, violence-less horizon is calling, wanting to help us end our personal and collective suffering… how deeply you are able to heed this call is a very personal choice and it feels like any healing of this on any level of your being is a fantastic start!
LOVE to you, fellow reLOVEutionary!
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
I laid in my twin bed in a room temporarily shared with my soul friend Gabriel, around this time last year, sobbing. This question rang inside of me as I wept uncontrollable, deep tears. I couldn’t track if it was a part of me and in that moment and the moments that followed, it really didn’t matter. I was crying and shedding layers of persona that came pouring off and out of me. Something was moving, though I wasn’t sure what.
It felt so strange to hold this question… it was a true, ‘wow, I feel so f*cked!’ kind of feeling. The ground that had been established for 29 years of my life, many years of spiritual seeking and emotional exploration, was suddenly in deep question. Who was I? Who AM I? Why did I suddenly feel as if I ‘knew’ so little when it came to spirituality, even after so many years of studying this and intuiting that, and listening to this teacher and that teacher?
This work in SoulFullHeart is deconstructive. It brings you to the point where the parts of you that have been shouldering your life and also your spirituality like Atlas shoulders the Earth decide they can’t do ‘it’ anymore. They let in that they aren’t now and perhaps have never been who they thought they were – meaning that now, you can begin to feel that YOU are not who you thought you were. Wow. Even after years of process and doing this piece by piece, part by part, these moments of pure tears of awakening within are not something that can be predicted, they just need to be given the space to happen.
As my tears continued, I thought about Jelelle and Raphael sleeping in a nearby room. I saw them as light beams in their essences. I could feel the identities we each have and need to have to some extent as a costume we sign up for and wear throughout our lives. As humans, we wear our stories like cloaks around our shoulders, and some of us have zippers in these cloaks to bring them in tighter to us. Either way, it’s a costume and it’s temporary. This washed over me, especially while connecting with Gabriel who heard my tears and felt to come over to check on me. I could feel his heart and the heart of Raphael and Jelelle too. I could feel the purifying work we’ve been doing, and I could feel how this is what allows us to go into these spaces when necessary, to fill back up with love again and a deeper sense of our essence.
This experience was visceral for me. It cannot be dissected or analyzed. It was a precious new beginning and recognition of what real spirituality is… it is not something that lives in the mind, though the mind is needed to help us understand somehow, even though our consciousness can never fully reach out and ‘know’ or understand everything. The mind is also here to help us picture, envision, plan what’s next for us (as much as we even CAN plan these days!). My own mind was collapsing in these moments last year, telling me it was tired. My heart was collapsing and yet strengthening too, telling me it was tired of trying to go beyond itself and into territory that doesn’t resonate or make sense to it in an experiential way.
This was an awakening. This was and is a place where many of us are heading in different strata of our being and the layers of awakening are going to move through us, as they need to and as we ask for them to.
We are dismantling and collapsing and we have MUCH to feel in the process. Our worlds, inner and outer, are in question in poignant moments of disclosure and revelation. We are all awakening, we are all letting go to let in, even if we aren’t fully aware of it. We are not here to criticize one another for wherever it is we choose to go or not go. We are not here to condemn, ridicule or cast aside. We are here to feel ourselves first, to begin entering this process of self-disclosure and discovery, with help, with mirrors, with advocacy, with tears, and with joy too. If we serve love, we are not always positive or optimistic, but we are real, only becoming realer and realer, until the overflow of a heart that wants and receives from self can then serve love to other, assisting them in their own journey of finding this flow within. It is becoming harder and harder to NOT be real now. We are no longer able to spend the currency of the false, at least not for much longer.
How amazing it is, to be able to go here and come out the other side with a deeper sense of love and what it truly offers us… when I look back on this last year of my life since this process, I can see the ways in which it helped to fuel some big shifts inside of me, some of which are still landing deeper and deeper in my soul.
All awakenings we have, no matter how intense, are here to help conduct us through a necessary birth canal that leads us to our most desired outcomes and a deep sense of spirituality that humbles and loves us beyond anything we can begin to fathom – until we collapse into the capacity to do so…
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
There are phases of very necessary self-focus. It’s good to dedicate a lot of time to personal process that has to do with YOU as your number one priority. Some of us don’t do this enough, some of us do it too much, and the balance of giving and taking is somehow very challenging to find and live into. Eventually, these phases of needing to go inward have a healthy sense of self-focus that has more of a balance of where the focus goes and comes from a growing emotional and spiritual maturity as we heal and allow in mirrors that help us map out where to go next. This takes a dedication though and the process of it all has not been shown to most of us before, so there is a lot to discover and rediscover as we go, allowing ourselves to get messy and sometimes trip along the way as the best way to learn.
Within our birth families, many of us have been the ‘black sheep’. Parts of us never felt understood and found ways to rebel. This took an enormous amount of self-care and focus, the best parts of us could conjure at the time, and necessarily so – these self-made nests of bedrooms and cozy family basements became our stages for self-exploration. We needed our forays into writing, artistic explorations, fantasy worlds, and eventually spiritual seeking and finding. We needed these phases of pushing away from the collective, from birth family, maybe even from peers and the church and/or education systems, we were wrapped up in. Parts of us started to refuse to go deeper into it… or decided to go in as deeply as possible, following along with another flavour of rebellion that may have meant following the rules only to one day snap and burn it all away. This took whatever ounces of love we could muster and find in our inner and outer worlds, drawing friendships and romances that were (and are), in the end, reflections of how we ultimately felt (and feel) about ourselves.
In order to push away from what we could feel was very much NOT us, or not what parts of us wanted to be, we had to encase ourselves in some degree of HEALTHY narcissism. This encasement may even have stretched well into our adult years, or, we had parts of us that decided to suddenly flip a switch and go far into the other direction, feeling ourselves as deep empaths that can quite powerfully feel others. Even in this though, is a layer of narcissism. There is a layer here of blaming ‘other’ for how and what you feel. There is a fixation on how ‘you’ are being affected by something or someone or somewhere, without truly feeling how and why others may be affected and that you may or may not have a part to play in this too.
Feeling and realizing this shatters our mirrors held up by our own hand, that only show us our self-made goodness, yet not the deeper, more compassionate goodness within that has true innocence and purity of intention. Our narcissism in our years of needing to rebel, needing to find an ‘us’ that could hold life, needing to navigate a spiritual path that we hope will open out to serving others, has been mostly about us and not actually about serving the world or the people in it. This is HARD to look at and feel. This is probably one of the toughest reflections of ourselves and how we’ve operated in this world to take in. True compassion, in my experience, can’t really come unless we are willing to see this piece inside of our shadows. Feeling all of this also frees us from our victimhood that again parts of us have rightfully needed to hold onto… We cannot truly find our power within unless we are willing to go here.
In terms of our Ascension, it could be that this is one of the biggest pieces for us to look at and heal with deep sobriety and dedication. If there is no interest in doing so, there is something to look at with that too, as it’s natural for our deep knowledge of our goodness to not want to have to go here, yet our ‘goodness’ can be a story that parts of us tell, meanwhile they don’t deeply feel they ARE good, until they have been able to feel the reasons why this is… the reasons why they hold this wounding. There is so much unworthiness within that this process brings us to. There are many layers here and each one brings us closer and closer to our higher hearts, our genuine Christ Consciousness, where we can and do shed tears for others, for the world, and then can bring it back inward in a healthy way too, to digest it all in authentic Divine connection and love, and in genuine soul and heart connection with others too.
Being real about not being able to feel or even care for others in a given moment, actually helps parts of us relax and can bring us almost immediately to a more compassionate place within. It also claims our responsibility and our desire to heal this block to serving and giving love. We have not had adequate modeling of how to truly be compassionate in this world. So much of it has been put on for the sake of self-image, it feels like. This has not been ‘bad’ for us though, we are just entering a phase of being invited deeper into it, to question it and ourselves more, and to really heal what we need to in order to be in LOVE in the truest sense. We already have all of the goodness inside of us that we need so as to truly feel and love this aspect of us that again has served us so well for so many years.
There is so much love on the other side of this mirror. So much love that wants to reach you, to flow to and through you. Love that wants to show itself in all of your relationships, in whatever ways it can. It is a love that is ever-purifying and incredibly deep, if only we can start to let it in and allow it to do its work. ❤
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
Today I am in process with a part of me that I have worked with before, but not for a long time now. She has been resurfacing lately and today has been a big day for her. On a wave of love for her and for our process together, this is the writing that came out. It feels like it offers a bridge and a picture of what it’s like to reach into your heart to be with a part of you, no matter how unworthy of your love and attention that part may feel. ❤
Hello, you… you in my heart. You who have been hiding and waiting and feeling cautious about coming out. Yes, you! I have been feeling you. I have been feeling your reactions, your triggers, your need for more love. I have been feeling your self-assumed ‘wrong’-ness, ugliness, ‘hard-to-be-with’-ness. I feel that you’re scared, that you feel separate, that you feel abandoned. I feel it all as I feel your tears. Even though, as a part of me that I met long ago, I have felt you before… your reality has shifted since then. You have seen more, witnessed more, sponged more. Now you’re ready to come out again, showing me the same patterns of reactions you’ve always had, but now you’re ready to be felt more, to be honest about things maybe you weren’t honest about before, to ask for me to help you, be with you, love you up. It’s time now. It’s time to start coming up and out to sit next to me, to lean into me, to not feel you have to do it all alone as you’ve done before. You aren’t alone, you never were alone, and you will never really be alone either. It’s not your destiny if you and I can be together now without you BEING me. That’s really the only time you might be ‘alone’ – when you can’t let me in and let me be separate from you so I can hold you and be that best friend you ache for.
I feel you, sweet inner princess, with so many gifts and dreams and hopes. I feel the pain you’re feeling about wanting to just be these things again, to not feel the weight of life that you’ve taken on anymore. You’re ready to ask for me now, and for you, sweet one, that is a big step.
Welcome home, beloved part of me… together we’ll feel it all and together we’ll heal even more…
❤
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
The heart of a little girl, turns toward her mother and asks, “How do I get your love?”
The heart of a young woman in a new relationship, turns toward her partner and asks, “How do I keep your love?”
The heart of a young nun in her morning prayers asks, “How do I earn your love?”
The awakening heart turns to Love itself and asks, “How do I remember you, Love?”
These journeys begin with feeling as if Love is elusive, a butterfly to capture and keep, a path to master, something to make, do, take, have, possess…
These journeys continue with receiving ‘answers’ from outside, with only letting in that which can be seen or learned, until one day, the love that you simply ARE reminds you from inside of you that it was always there…
Abuses of all kinds create a struggle inside, bruised heart walls, parts that hate ourselves, push away others, trauma and drama attraction, resistance to Love and all of its tones and frequencies both challenging and comforting. To be in the heat of Love’s reawakening is to feel what’s blocking it, to feel the need for more of it, to realize the areas of life where it’s not flowing, to ask the questing questions that lead us to clarities of this step followed by that one… if you are used to crumbs, crumbs is all you’ll expect, but once you’ve allowed in a taste of the real thing, the real thing is all that can suffice and yet ironically is what stimulates the appetite for MORE.
Be insatiable. Every pore of your body, every cord of your heart song, every tone of your multi-dimensionality wants to want more, wants to BE more. The having and receiving of more comes from making room, from flowing over with love withIN, from letting it flow to others FROM you and WITH you, from feeling the parts of you that won’t let it, don’t want to trust it, have been burned, hurt, wounded by ‘love’ before, that can’t see or feel or let in just yet that within their hurt and pain lies a pearl – an exquisite gift – of experience, wisdom, heart-opening mess and the capacity to pick up the pieces and keep going on and IN as you grow and bloom and shine ever brighter. Hunger for the growth that allows in more love. Let yourself ask those questions you need to ask parts of you and soul aspects of you. And bring it all back to your appetite for more love to let in and crave for.
To live life this way turns everything on its head! It brings in a whole new way of digesting all experiences, all challenges, all processes. It gives you a home frequency to tune into during emotional phases of deeply feeling your wounding. It motivates you to keep going in and through and guides you in the same.
It’s time to remember… and it’s up to you if you decide to now or later, yet it doesn’t matter, because you will never be less love or loved than you already are in this moment. ❤
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In SoulFullHeart, the process is always about leaning back into love in the end, though the journey to do this is complicated and challenging at times. Digesting pain with a heart-open other who can reflect to you what you need to keep feeling in order to heal it, is simply what works. If you’re interested in feeling into having sessions with a SoulFullHeart facilitator, please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information. ❤
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
“Jelelle, would you please define, “holding space ?” I received this question from someone, as I mentioned it in my writing yesterday about trust and surrender as,”These aspects of you can ‘surrender into love’ WITH you holding the space for this surrender.”
I wanted to share my answer here as it is a distinctive and important aspect of the awakening process and our SoulFullHeart work specifically.
Holding space is the awakening aspect of us, the higher self coming into thebody, and allowing for the emotions to come and BE….allowing for feeling to come up, connect with as a part of us, and then heal, move, integrate. The conditioned or 3D self suppresses this process of holding space for feeling, doesn’t make ‘time’ for it. The 3D self (including our Inner Protector) stays busy, medicates with all kinds of things to stay numb and distracted because it is afraid to feel, afraid that we might ‘go crazy’ with the feelings.
Yet, when held space by us and with the Divine, the feelings can move. This is the process that we offer in SoulFullHeart and support the awakening self, help you differentiate the 3D self and other aspects (of soul too). We ‘hold space’ for your process and so you receive templating around how to hold space for this yourself too. You embody more and more loving curiosity, patience, forgiveness, compassion and humble discernment with aspects of yourself. This energy ‘reparents’ aspects of you that need this and also allows the parts of you that have been guarding and protecting to begin resting and relaxing into you.
Surrender into love, then, happens for parts of you as they feel the space held in safety for this surrender into your growing awakening self. They ‘let go into’ love with you. They ‘let go into’ love with the Divine. They ‘let go into’ love with others. In some ways, this is difficult to put into words, yet holding space BEcomes a state of BEing (rather than something you do) as your awakening self grows and your emotional body matures.
Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book to be released on June 1st, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
On a Saturday night, I gaze among the busy social streets and walkways, humming with activity and energy and alcohol and friendship… sometimes coupled with drama and pain and backed-up emotional outbursts. During these party times, you can feel the buzz in the air that will soon be in every body, not just from substances taken in, but from the high of socializing, being among peers, perhaps finding love, sex or making new friends. There are grounds here that are healthy to explore and some that aren’t really in a sense, and yet it’s all sacred and it’s all ultimately a path to self-discovery and remembrance, even if this isn’t made conscious in the moments these selves, these individuals, these human BEings are in.
While young, being spiritual can find its place in you if this is what you’ve signed up for… exploring consciousness can sometimes happen with your peers, while at other times it won’t or just can’t. For a phase this journey with them can only go so deep and that’s fine with you for a while, but beyond that phase when that was enough, it’s not quite enough anymore. This is when values shift along with ideas of life and how to live it consciously and more fully. This is where certain areas of focus, ways to find pleasure, and paths to feeling a togetherness with others all rumble beneath your feet and in front of your eyes. This is where your life begins to turn itself upside down in countless ways as you begin to feel the need to push away, sometimes dramatically, sometimes subtly, but always in a way that reminds you, you are your own person and you have your own sense of what energies you need and want to be around as your self love heals and deepens.
There can be a fear arising then, for some… that no one will ever really “get” them or may judge them for walking away from the relationship. Parts of them form and begin to strategize to either stay alone out of fear of having and then losing intimacy at any level, or choose to merge in with whatever group of people they are around or whatever situation they are in, becoming one with all around them and not much of an individual in most ways. There is tension and yet also relief as you find your ways to take care of and love YOU as your number one priority. There is sometimes also flatness, as managing these ups and downs (that are hormonal, sure, but also a genuine awakening to soul and heart pain) can be a challenging crucible to hold and handle and be with. So much depends on who you choose to be around and talk to and lean into for support. This shopping around, seeking, searching experience is one that can be incredibly mind and heart-opening, fascinating, and ever-arising too, as resonance moves in and out in very necessary growth phases. This again changes the social circle you choose to be part of and certainly affects the one you currently have as you continue to awaken to the love you are and the love you want to experience between yourself and others. There are so many different dynamics that are possible here and that play out in different ways, with many possible outcomes… yet the risk is always the same – if I don’t stay the same and they do, I will be friendless again or even for the first time…
The strong soul-pull to discover and remember our purposes is something that is happening more and more with people of all ages and soul groups, especially right now with ascension processes accelerating for everyone, yet when it comes to indigo, crystal and rainbow souls, for example, these social awakenings can come very early in our lives as we came in with a powerful, mission-based focus that is natural for us to feel, yet not so natural to “know” exactly what to do with. It can be very challenging to finds ways to fit in with others in our peer group, not because we are victims to this (though parts of us understandably feel this way sometimes) but because we chose for this to be the case… after all, if we actually DID feel as if we totally, fully, completely “belonged”, where would our sense of mission and awakening to our soul gifts have room to happen, take hold and start manifesting in our lives? To not suffer around this, means going IN and feeling ourselves with reflections from teachers and mentors who have also been there and can help us learn to navigate it, often much better than our birth parents ever could – not necessarily because they didn’t want to try, but because in some ways they weren’t actually meant to be the ones to lead you onward and into this.
Throughout the majority of my life to date, having and keeping a thriving a social world was very challenging. This is partly because I was always very much IN my emotional states and didn’t have templating for how to actually BE with them and hold them… no adult around me could help with this and my peers had a hard time relating to me most of the time, plus it eventually became a tool for parts of me to actually push and keep others away. Then there was spirituality and the deepening of THAT for me… and now I am on a very powerful and ever-expanding path that spans both my emotional AND spiritual inner realities and THAT is rare, though it seems that more and more people, as they awaken, are realizing how connected these two realities are and that they need healing in both in order to fully embrace and live into ascension. In my experience and observation both, I can see and feel how this ground of being naturally very emotional and also spiritual has been and continues to be a tough crucible for many of us… awakening does come at a cost, yet is intended to invite us out of suffering while holding the parts of us who cling to suffering as a way to be in life. One of these ways in which we seem to choose to continue suffering, is by surrounding ourselves with relationships that do not have a deeply resonant ground. Our social worlds collapse and expand as we continue to grow… but not without love leading the way and guiding us to our next places inward that then draw our next circumstances outward.
Not having a full social world to ground you can be hard for some souls, yet for others it won’t be and that poses its own challenges. Choosing the path of the lone wolf is also hard and even though parts of you may be working to bury the loneliness somehow, it is still there. These parts can be held, worked with and healed deeply, allowing us to feel how we really, genuinely feel, what it is we most deeply want and who we actually want to be around and spend time with. Our loneliness is sacred and alchemical… it is creative. It is a space where we can feel our deepest aches and desires for mateship, for companionship, for a community of people that continually arise for us as we arise for them. Being afraid of feeling our loneliness is expected and normal, but holding these parts of us who feel this way teaches us so much about ourselves and offers us much healing when it is held in our hearts FOR us and WITH love and Divine guidance and company too… we are never really alone, though this can be hard to feel and let in. Yet sometimes alone-ness can be a grace, a place to genuinely feel what we need to feel, and an oven to bake our arising desires in.
Perhaps you are part of a social world right now that may be running out of ground for you, as your awakenings are helping you feel pictures and energies of the sort of love you want to feel from you to you and flowing from you to others and vice versa… in the end, the choice is yours as to what steps to take next, and there is no wrong answer or true misstep along the way. Even our biggest messes seem to offer us many gems of learning, growth and self-discovery. Letting go can be painful and hard, yet in the end, true service to a relationship of any kind starts with feeling what you genuinely want and need, while holding all relationships with an open hand and heart. This becomes a grace to you and your parts, and them and theirs too, as everyone is then free to go along their own path, however they see and feel it unfolding for them.
I would love to serve you and help you navigate this terrain that can be so challenging and yet hopeful too. You are meant to become more of your essence, your light, your soul purpose and mission. You are meant to lead and BE a big part of ascension and we all need each other more than perhaps we ever have before!
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
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