Tag: community

From Warrior To Ambassador: The Illusion Of Good vs. Evil

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By  Raphael Awen

As more and more of us become aware and convinced that the world is not as we thought it was, we’re collectively left in a vacuum of cognitive dissonance, confusion and chaos.

Personally, I’ve been convinced for many years of the horror realities of human trafficking and the depopulation agenda, and all the surrounding phenomena, but I’m finding a new layer of emotive dissonance arising inside of me in coming to terms with what’s at hand now, energized by the tsunami of collective awakening happening underway, along with the collective’s sorrow and the v. injuries and sudden deaths coming to light.

What might the scope of all this end up looking like? How long will the darkness seem to prevail?

If you also find yourself in this restlessness, whether in moments or in largely complete endless overwhelm, know that your being has a range of expressions and parts that span 3D, 4D and 5D realities. Parts of us have totally familiarized and adapted ourselves to everyday consensus reality of linearity, lack, etc that we find in 3D. But we also have parts of us that see beyond what once felt like 3D was all that there was into the realms of the chaos and transformations of 4D. Then we also have parts of us that remember the joy and harmony of union with the All, where both sorrow and joy weave in a deep aliveness expressing as the divine beings that we are in our true heart home of 5D. No need to get hung up on the definitions and labels of these dimensions or the numbering of them, but just a way to offer a sketch of a map that your heart and soul knows.

You already are and always were a multidimensional being, even as you are becoming more conscious of and in flow with this truth that always was.

There’s one piece I’d really like to share with you today in all this that I feel lays the groundwork for some real digestion of the craziness at hand. I invite you to come with me into an exploration for a few moments.

I’ll just spit it out and then take a longer look at it:

Love is the one and only source of all that is, including the darkest horrors we can imagine or witness.

We are not in a battle of good vs. evil where we must cheer on and support the good to overcome and destroy the evil.

The battle of good vs. evil is an all too real illusory reality of 3D, but one we must come to a higher vantage point to relate with if we want to navigate the horrors we are witnessing now unfolding.

Allow me to toss in a few more points here to land in your intuition where they will…

What we are at war with externally evidences an internal war happening inside of us. If the evildoers must be punished forever, then that dynamic is alive inside of us, between our Inner Punisher and other parts of us, albeit just off our radar.

What if the whole all too real reality of good vs. evil was part of the divine’s experiment and expression into duality from an original state of oneness? Very beautiful, yes, but without duality, it couldn’t be known, felt and appreciated…

What if the ratcheting up of the tension in this good vs. evil dimension is part of the divine plan for a full circle reconciliation of this experiment where the heightening of the duality creates and is necessary for our divine awakening into the love that all of us are and always were, including the ‘evildoers’?

Consciousness itself is sponsoring the entire show we are seeing unfold right now. Love is holding it all. Many souls chose on a soul level to be a part of the suffering in the 3D and 4D expression of their being as part of the contribution to this experiment that love undertook. Love knew that duality would entail suffering, but it knew that suffering would take us somewhere beyond where it was in oneness bliss. Love wanted to journey. Your and my suffering is part of the fuel of this journey.

Deep in our psyche is the awareness that sacrifice is necessary for movement into fullness. In the Christian faith, we have the teaching that ‘without the shedding of blood, there is no remission of sin’. Something has to die so that same something might come alive. In our limited 3D vision, we made that about a sin filled and separated-from-God humanity needing a personal savior from the results of a ‘fall’ into sin and God’s wrath. But what if all we actually ‘fell’ into was this chosen experiment of duality along with the attendant and necessary forgetfulness?

If that’s accurate, then those participating in the darkness are the divine’s agents as much as are the lightworkers; then the darkest deeds in your own this-life and soul history are also all part of this divine expression from oneness into duality.

And if that’s accurate, then the trajectory we are on is into remembrance, reconciliation, restoration of the All that was ‘lost’, and MORE.

This more is mysteriously unfolding in you and I, in this collective darkest night we’ve seen to date. Love is inviting us to hang around for the more, as an infinite unfolding of all that we can handle.

What can ease the intense discomfort of the moment is making for personal reconciliations within, with the parts of us who feel the deepest despair or shame, for harm caused, feeling how a divine amnesty and forgiveness extends over all of it.

Then from there, a natural and effortless expression of ‘as inside, so outside’ begins to extend from us to others. The darkest darkness is also wanting reconciliation and is spring loaded by the heightened tension and the tug of war of good vs. evil drama and trauma to return fully and suddenly to the love that it is sourced in.

Both the warrior within and without are now being invited, if and when they are ready, to lay down their weapons, reconcile the harm they’ve participated in, all the while believing they were fighting for the good, and then to accept the mantle of Ambassador, with a heart broken open and vulnerable to the great sadness, sorrow and loss that is still unfolding. All self righteousness extinguished under the infinite love and forgiveness and reconciliation with the divine experiment and journey we are all a part of. Sorrows felt, rather than medicated down or avoided. Tears wept.

Now your life, exactly as it is right now, takes on the most exquisite poignancy and meaning as a place from which to transact and make real this reconciliation within and then without. Every anxiety and depression in ‘circumstance’ a standing stone circle portal entry into this All That Is, that awaits your sovereign choice of ongoing continued awakening, at a rate and pace that allows for feeling and healing all that wants and needs to be felt and healed. Savoured, not savioured.

Jelelle’s book and audio book ‘Free To Be 5D’ are a great exploration and attunement to this more that wants to arise in you. You can find it here: https://www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe5dexcerpt

And there’s two upcoming group calls to be a part of if you’d like, Sunday, the 17th and Sunday, the 24th:

https://www.soulfullheart.org/events

If we can be of assistance here at SoulFullHeart, please dig into our free resources, connect with us in whatever ways you are guided to, and if it feels like a fit, ask for a free intro into what personal one on one sessions can look like for you. More info on that here: https://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

May you arise daily into more and more of all that you are meant to be, even amidst the moments that feel like falling.

~ R ~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

The SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a virtual gathering place for community engagement, exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal here: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/ for a monthly subscription of $22.22 USD

The No Man’s Land Of Our Collective Grief

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By  Raphael Awen

If we take a step outside of this most challenging polarity moving through us right now as a species, we see where there’s something none of us really comfortable feeling.

If the anti injection people are correct, then there’s a wave of destruction and fear that is already here and scaling up at a pace we can only guess at.

If the pro experimental injection people are correct, then our sovereignty and autonomy is best left in the hands of a governing body who are better equipped to lead our lives.

Either way, we are giving up something of such huge proportions. I don’t think there’s a single one of us yet who’s felt the deepening scale of this.

Raging at it, or turning over and accepting it feel like two polarized ways of starting to work through it, but there’s still a huge no man’s land that I haven’t seen anyone step into.

In that no man’s land is something to feel.

Trying to describe it almost does it a disservice, for it can only really be felt, not described. But it has something to do with mourning and grief on a scale we haven’t known in this life.

Life as you and I knew it is changing rapidly, daily and minute by minute. Something big is dying and not returning, regardless of which side of the issue(s) you find yourself on.

People on both sides of the polarity believe they have spared themselves from some personal suffering. ‘According to their beliefs’, as Yeshua would say, ‘so be it unto them’. Beliefs are such strong personal reality creators, but they only go so far.

There’s a shared reality that whether it’s recognized or not, is happening. That reality is the shared boat we are sailing in. The hole in your end of the boat IS actually an issue to me. There’s only one boat, even as we are afforded individual bubbles within that boat, but OUR boat is sinking.

We all chose to be a part of this transition, and to give up a quality of an old life to be a part of anchoring in a new life. Whether you are injection injured, (and my heart breaks for you if you are) or out promoting getting the next booster, we are going somewhere.

There’s somewhere we won’t be returning to.

That change calls into question every plan, every intention, every purpose, every sense of meaning. All of it is up for continual revision as we sort through what can and does feel crazy making and disorienting.

Nothing makes sense in the old way. In the interim, we’re all grasping for the new way that isn’t quite here yet.

I don’t know any other way to be with it, other than to feel this surrender to what is, open my heart to being further activated into this care for myself and our beautiful collective that would choose such transition through such confusion as a planetary group soul’s higher choice and service to the divine’s unfolding of itself through us.

WE chose this. WE created it. The polarity is of OUR creation. When you accept that, you get baptized into being a YOU in service of the WE.

You get to care. You get to feel. You get to mourn. You get to weep the tears others aren’t ready yet to weep. You even get to thrive in love as you take part in honoring the death all around.

You get to be in the real moment that is here now.

And in that moment we see that the deeper our polarities, the deeper our shared reality.

Raphael

We are offering a gathering place of community engagement around a shared new experience of life in community, vulnerability and transparency at https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co/, in exchange for $22.22 USD per month. If you feel drawn, we would love to have you join us.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

The SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a virtual gathering place for community engagement, exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal here: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/ for a monthly subscription of $22.22 USD

Spiritual Mastery As An Avoidance Of Vulnerability

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By  Raphael Awen

The path of spiritual mastery or attainments has been basically useless to me for several years, other than to often trip me up in comparison or self judgment games.

The thing was, I used to be able to muster some impressive consistent self discipline and regimen, set goals and stick to them, and that way of being in life doesn’t let go easily, even as it collapses at the same time.

I don’t think I’m alone in this by a long shot. I think what I’m feeling personally is more of a reflection of what the masculine is coming to terms with now as consciousness itself shifts and changes.

Mastery served us well for a time to come to know our power. It moved us from an inferiority complex, but now threatens us with a superiority complex. Both however are non-relational and both are non-vulnerable, and both don’t actually have mastery over anything in the bigger picture of what we really want and need.

At nineteen, I went out jogging every single day for over a year, without missing a day, rain, snow or shine. How I felt didn’t matter, other than holding onto this feeling of I can do whatever I set my mind to. I thought at the time that I’d do this for the rest of my life, because with each passing day, my record of achievement was getting bigger, better as well as harder to lose.

That’s the thing with attainment and spiritual masteries. They are like rolling a stone up a hill that will one day succumb to gravity, and the higher up you roll the stone, the greater its velocity and path of destruction to your self perception and who knows what else when it gives way to nature, as it is sure to do one day.

Men particularly have been so addicted to doing the right thing and the good thing, the thing that once did have meaning, purpose and even connection, with love, life and nature, that they naturally fear letting go of. It matters less how noble the thing, just heaven forbid that you should be without some animating thing.

How could something so good lose its value over time?

If all this mastery and attainment grasping is becoming an old way, is there a new way that wants to come in its place? I have my ideas and answer to this, but do you have a sense of your arising truth around this?

Maybe mastery was just a placeholder holding us as men in a place of being mastered over, until we were ready to enter a whole new dimension of mystery, coming to know our power through the doorway of vulnerability and transparency?

Paul talked about the ‘schoolmaster of the law’ being over us until being introduced to Christ consciousness, which is more about being changed in core nature. Was he already hinting at this two thousand years ago?

It seems the old way of gaining mastery was really about gaining mastery over our vulnerability and never having to be transparent. We were holding a suppressive lordship over ourselves.

You may still be feeling like a millionaire holding some masteries, but I’ll bet life isn’t supporting you any longer to naturally sustain that. All the millionaires and billionaires of today are finding it harder and harder and super costly to effort sustaining those holdings.

These feelings are coming up for me today as I have an opportunity to have a session later today with a dynamic man and big soul who has a heartcry unfolding. I could feel some tension inside and went inwards to feel what it was about.

I connected with all of my inner masculine aspects of me from this life and other timelines that I feel living in me differentiated and unique, and asked their reactions to meeting with a man.

Here’s the pieces that came back to me in dialogue with them. (It feels good to get to the underlying push and pull and where and how it lives in parts of us and their needs. Now, we don’t try and fix the fade on one mastery with another mastery campaign somewhere else.)

“I don’t like men who speak their truth as thee truth without acknowledging their belief system that gave birth to those truths. They don’t feel safe or kind.” Marvin

“I don’t feel comfortable being around men who energize their spiritual mastery or attainments. It doesn’t feel real to me. If they are onto something, I feel stuck in a comparison game or left out. Mastery just hasn’t worked for me in decades. The mastery path as we’ve known it feels non relational and non vulnerable.” Wayne

“I’d like to serve men again. I feel trust that we know we won’t hurt or harm without care and kindness, but I also know that we and you and us are going to need to be awake, ready, in our stance, on our game, with our truth, not letting reactions get internalized. Men are looking for a mirror of truth.” Arthur

“You have a magic in you, Raphael, and that gets to come out and serve and be given when you simply be you, transparenting whatever you are feeling. I like serving men because then we get to dance in the magic and be around other mens magic too.” Charles

“What an opportunity to feel the heartbeat and heartcry of men, instead of dominating or controlling them. They aren’t / we aren’t that complex in some ways. We just want connection, meaning, and purpose” Lionel

Thanks for reading, especially as a man, and maybe as a woman, you can feel this as the masculine polarity inside of you and one that is or is wanting to transmute into these new directions?

I’m curious!

~ R ~

Our online portal is one gathering place for the new. You can find it here: https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Big heartfelt acknowledgement and thank YOU to Gabriel Amara for leading this charge with me while we surrender to divine timing for more men in the room.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

The SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a virtual gathering place for community engagement, exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal here: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/ for a monthly subscription of $22.22 USD

Bearing The Burden Of Love’s Unsolvable Mystery

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By  Raphael Awen

💚 Realizing that all of your awakening is only ever but a measure is humbling. Then realizing that infinity bears no measure is more humbling still. 🏄🏻‍♂️

We are all in the awakening and we are all in the slumber. Love is playing with us, dancing with us, wanting to come to know itself through us, knowing that it never will and never wants to because of its own infinity. It just does what it does for the joy, reverence awe and wonder of it all.

Love invites you to meet with it there, in the unknown, in the surrender, where every mistake is an infinite success, where every pain is the source of unspeakable healing.

You bear the burden of love’s unsolvable mystery.

You can’t be solved or fixed because even your belief that you needed fixing is all a part of this mystery of being.

This being that you are; infinite, pretending with your measuring tape; omniscient, pretending to be missing a memo; omnipresent, pretending to be in one place at one time; omnipotent, pretending to be lacking something, ALL is love at play.

You have lots of awakening to do, but not for the attainment of it, for it literally gets you nowhere.

But when you get there, you won’t ever want to go back, and you won’t want to stop dancing with this love moving through you.

Xo,

~ R ~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

The SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a virtual gathering place for community engagement, exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal here: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/ for a monthly subscription of $22.22 USD

The Big, Bold, Brave Choice To Be Fully Alive In These Times

Published on by Deya ShekinahLeave a comment

By Deya Shekinah

The SoulFullHeart process is a wild, epic ride that is constantly blowing my mind and my heart wide open. It is intense, deep, rich and profound and I love it so much. My life is more magical when I am accessing and feeling my parts and creating deeply nourishing relationships inside of myself with them. Life becomes more alive and real in a way I cannot describe as it truly needs to be experienced for yourself. It is such an individual process because it is led by parts of YOU, there is no one outside telling you what is right or how to do it, just support to keep going in and finding your own way through any challenges, tensions or resistances to love that arise. 

It is a process that is helping me to become more human and that is what I love. It is not a spiritual practise but it is deeply spiritual. It is bridging the gap for me on what being a human and being spiritual mean. This process helps me feel and know from inside that those two aspects of who we are, are NOT separate. As I feel what is deeply human inside of me and those parts of me feel seen, met, heard and loved, then the Divine aspects of me are remembered and revealed so naturally and organically.

Our human hearts and emotions are the keys to the doorway home to the Divine essence of who we truly are. The richness in feeling this from inside and through your own experience with your parts is for me the most exquisite feeling ever. It is changing everything in my life and creating a foundation of self love and self trust in a way I have not experienced anywhere else.

This is my experience of course, not everyone will resonate with parts work and that is the beauty of all being so different and unique. This process honors and welcomes our uniqueness though, seeing the gifts that your parts and the ways they experience and feel life as adding to it, rather than taking away, or trying to make us tick boxes that make us spiritual enough to fit in or advance to the next level. There are no rules and the possibilities are endless, how liberating. 

You are endless, your parts are endless and the love that starts to arise within you as you feel parts of you is endless too. It is something to let in, feeling how big, how beautiful and how divine we truly are and have always been, and that being here in a human body is a gift we chose, not a hindrance to our spirituality but rather the doorway into deeper knowing and understanding of it.   

It is a big, bold and brave choice to choose a path of being fully alive and embodied in these times when there is so much to feel and respond to in the world. For me there is no other way through though than IN and I would not want to be going IN in any other way than with my parts, in this way of life and with the support of this beloved community.

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant & Community Member. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Gift Of Humility And Gratitude

Published on by Gabriel Amara1 Comment

Yesterday was the first time I had been in a SoulFullHeart group space for a few months. While in one way it felt like yesterday, it was also a huge gap for parts of me that have been in deep feeling space and processing over that time. This is such evidence of how we live on many different dimensions at once and time is just does not have a standard trajectory, nor is real in many ways.

My movement with my masculine and reptilian self two days prior really felt to pave the way for this reunion. I could feel some nervousness and doubts from parts of me that I would be at that frequency to be able to vibe into the coherence. This of course is one big projection of my own lack of worth that I have been working on since I parted in January.

However, through the process that I had, I felt a clearing inside of me that ‘moulted’ away the layer that was holding this reaction and energy. I could feel myself more in the space as Gabriel, the being that really never left yet has come back with a new relationship to himself and the world around him. That difference, I noticed last night, was that of authentic humility and gratitude.

These two emotional grounds are the result of the self-love and deep, wounded ego healing that I went through while I was away. I could feel a reverence of the space, the beloveds in front of me, but more importantly the reverence and care for myself that had been cultivated during this time. I felt my parts being held by me and leaning into the goodness that was alive in the space. There was no self-judgement or comparison going on that seemed to run underground in the past.

I felt who I was and where I was in the ‘order’ of things and felt so very present to the goodness of that. Not trying to be anything I wasn’t. This is all that has ever been asked of me, yet I hadn’t asked of it from myself. This time I have and it felt palpably different. I have to owe all of that shift to parts work and my own dedication to it. Even if things were to shift at some point and I find myself on my own again, I have a me that can’t leave me. I would go through grief, for sure, but I would not perish or suffer.

It is with this humility and gratitude that I can ride the waves of what the universe bestows upon me whether it be as a collaborator, a support system, a facilitator, or all three! I know this is where I belong in whatever fashion. This is my family, my community, and my way of life. And for that it was all worth it.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Metasoul Timelines Coming Through On Halloween: Personal Sharing

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

By Jelelle Awen

Halloween was an opportunity for us to channel and tap into energies in our soul to express and allow ‘out’ for an evening. Raphael reigned as King Arthur from our porch, giving out candy with huge generousity and presence to over 300 children! A community bonfire raged right across the street, which added to the feeling of teleporting to another timeline.

I got to bring forward my inner Priestess and Queen too…remembering how it is walk in the woods with a long dress and sleeves, feeling feminine in a regal way, making sure there was enough food, warmth, magic and fun for everyone.

Nic joined us again for the evening, adding his unique, fun, and open hearted joy to ours and with Raianna, they made a sweet and lively Elven pair. Gabriel channeled his Victorian, Steampunk self, both dapper and a bit madcap.

Feeling grateful for the community feeling that extended beyond our little SoulFullHeart den last night….and hopeful for a taste and glimpse of what New Earth community could feel like.

Hope you are having a rich, deep, and explorative Halloween, Samhain, Day of the Dead, etc.

love,
Jelelle Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

 

Experience Soul Family Connection!: Upcoming SoulFullHeart Group Sessions -Local And Virtual (over zoom)

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment
By Jelelle Awen
This house is getting ready to host. 🙂 I can feel the energy shifting to include more, to host more, to allow more souls to settle in and experience the way of life that we get to blessedly transact with each other every day. In less than two weeks, we’ll be joined by a sweet group of 3-4 women flying in to spend four days with us during the Equinox, to engage in personal and collective emotional/spiritual/energy/sound/physical healing. They are all staying here at the house so we are affectionately calling this the “SoulFullHeart Slumber Party”. ❤
You could still join us if you feel drawn to! The gathering starts on Friday, September 19th at 10:00am PDT until 5pm…each day until Monday, September 23rd. Cost for the gathering itself is $250 CAD (about $200 USD). We could fit you somewhere in the house too if you are ok sleeping on an air mattress or there are wonderful airbnbs around here. Food costs will be lower as communal meals can be planned using our kitchen. There is more info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/gatherings
You need to have one session with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator before the Gathering to make sure that you are resonant with what we are offering. We also have a gathering coming up for the Winter SOULstice! More info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1654802484653131/ or soulfullheartwayoflife.com/gatherings
We are also hosting a free meditation circle next Tuesday at 6pm PDT for those that might be local to Victoria, BC. There is more info here about that: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events
Our next monthly group transmission is next Saturday, September 14th at 10:00am PDT to explore 4D Matrix karmic healing with your gatekeeper….a BIG part of the deeper process going on. There is more info here about joining us for $15 CAD to join live or receive the recording: https://www.facebook.com/events/1340021326164133/
or soulfullheartwayoflife.com/grouptransmissions
AND, my first sacred feminine exploration women’s group over zoom is scheduled now for Sunday, September 29th at 10:00am PDT. We will explore the aspects of self and soul that need healing to arise our sacred femininity and I’ll provide bridges to the Divine Mother as well. This is open to ALL women over 18 for $15 CAD to attend live or to receive the recording. More info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/933962383622792/ or https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/womengroupcalls
Thank you for joining us on this exploration into the SoulFullHeart Experience through group sessions!
Love,
Jelelle Awen
All events listed here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

INtimacy over INvisibility

Published on by Raianna Shai1 Comment

By Raianna Shai

I haven’t written a post in a while as a lot has been shifting and growing in my world. A couple of weeks ago Kalayna and I spent a few days on Salt Spring and just this week we all spent time camping in Goldstream.

One theme that has been popping up a lot for myself as well as my entire community is intimacy in relationships. I have always had this tendency and even desire inside of me to be invisible. I was incredibly shy as a child, I never rose my hand in class, I chose to blend in for any social interaction. I had absolutely no desire to be seen or more vulnerably, to be judged by others.

It’s easy to get into a “mode” in every relationship in your life and it doesn’t take long to establish, even with new people. We find what frequency is most comfortable and what allows us to get along with this other person. What gets hard is when something gets triggered or rubs against something inside of us.

I have found that most people either push away their reactions towards others, judging them as unfair or just not worth it, or they push their reactions on others, without feeling what the impact might be or what’s going on inside of them. Both of these strategies allow us to hide, to put away the deeper and more vulnerable parts of us that go against the already agreed upon frequency that you have established in the relationship.

Parts of me fear that my truth will either end the relationship or deepen it. Both risking being seen for more than my persona. Going against the grain of what is comfortable in relationship is exactly what intimacy is all about.

You tell your truth, as messy as it gets, until one day you are transparent in every moment. Until you have no fear locking you into place and all of your words come from love for yourself and love for other. Until you trust that losing a relationship is okay and deepening a relationship is okay too. Until you are so centred inside of yourself that no level of intimacy can scare you away. Even when fear comes up there is progress and honesty about it all. That is when community can flourish and become something new and never done before.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Vulnerability In Relationship

Published on by Raianna Shai1 Comment

By Raianna Shai

I wrote this poem after having just the right day to open up my heart. Whenever this happens every space inside of me that feels like a void fills up with gratitude and appreciation of my environment and the people around me. I was reminded of why I tend to feel guarded around others and how good it feels to be intimate in relationship.

I am very good at being alone. I have always been independent and able to entertain myself quite easily. I thought recently that I would be happier and more opened out living on my own. But the fact that living with others is harder and scarier means it’s probably what I’m meant to be working.

I was feeling how it’s so easy to feel misunderstood or judged by others when you have that living inside of yourself. Whenever my insecurity was high, I found that it was harder to let others in and be vulnerable. I also remembered how much I love physical touch and how important it is to increase the intimacy in relationships. A lingering hug here, a friendly cuddle there. I always saved this for when I was in a romantic relationship because that’s where it felt safe and accepted.

But telling someone what they mean to you and showing physical affection are two things that are bound to be scary. It means you are seeing the other and therefore “risk” being seen yourself. This can bring up a lot of fear if a sense of lack or unworthiness lives inside of you.

I have a big desire to go to the next place in all of my relationships in order to work this push pull inside of me when it comes to intimacy. This poem illustrates the feeling I had of that!

~~~

In the moments that my heart splits open
Gratitude fills every atom of my soul
My body sways with tenderness and care
I want to wrap my arms around every lonely heart
Connecting to oneness and collective love

My fingers trace the edges of my frame
It runs along every crack
Every bump
Every inconsistency
It fills my emptiness with loving energy
It brings out the softness underneath the surface

Soft vulnerability is hard to show
The sweet caress of your own beauty
Uniquely separate from those around you
Yet intertwined in insecurity and fear

I feel overwhelmed by the thought of my loved ones
The way they move through life
The way they see and care for me
When I can’t see myself

You are so brave, dear one
To be a bright green growth
In a grey sidewalk crack
Constantly fearing the underside of passing steps
The shadow side of humanity

I see you, I feel you
I want you, I need you
I feel scared to tell you
That I admire you
And hope you admire me too

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.