Life Phase Completions From The Inside, Out

by Kasha Rokshana

Sincere ‘goodbyes’ and epic ‘hellos’…

We don’t really ever ‘complete’ phases of life or relationships with others unless the cycles of reaction to the completion and the relationship or phase itself completes with parts of you.

This only really happens when we INvest in relationship to them, which is a deep love relationship with ourselves. It’s the end of suffering loops and telling the same stories over and over again to try and digest what happened. Looping tells us that parts of us haven’t moved on yet. And from there we get to ask ‘why?’ and feel their reasons for hanging on so tight.

For a ‘goodbye’ to be sincere, to a geography, relationship, job, etc, there’s a need to feel the ‘goodbye’. This is what lets in the next ‘hello’. This is what sets the tone for the next phase of truly letting in the new. That doesn’t mean that old reactions or stories won’t come up. But it does renew our commitment to continuing to show up for ourselves and our parts in all of that.

Feeling this as I continue to complete with my geography and householding life phase here in Canada, as well as complete some loops that parts of me are still going into in moments with souls I’ve recently completed my relationship with. It’s all a deep journey and even in the emotional waves, my god, I wouldn’t want to be doing, being, or feeling anything else!

Much, much love to you during this epic time on this epic planet, where suffering within all of us is invited to come to deep completion and new waves of the realization of the love we all ARE can come in anew!



Kasha Rokshana is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about FREE consultation calls, space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

July’s Abundant Growth Edges Offer Alchemy And Next Life Steps

By Kalayna Solais

What is the next ‘edge’ of your growth that you’re standing on, looking at, feeling into, right now?

Now that July is more than halfway over, looking back on it I can feel how not just for me, but for those I’ve been serving or interacting with, there have been many new growth edge invitations presented to each of us. Some of these invitations have come in the form of wakeup calls and other times they’ve been much softer. In either case, ongoing invitations into change and deeper healing abound.

The opportunity is always there to just keep feeling what those next steps are. As the fears come up you have the power to empower yourself by feeling the parts of you that are afraid. You also have the power to feel your courage rise even WITH the fear, as your desires continue to awaken and move you into the new.

For me… I’ve had some new life steps to take and it’s been very emotional for parts of me that have been ‘quite fine’ with the comfortable and in some ways have even avoided or tried to bury their own desires for the new and unknown. Just yesterday I managed to manifest (very quickly) another job that, while 3D in nature and focus in many ways, also is lighting parts of me up with possibilities and a new focus for service other than directly holding space for others.

I feel some fears arising in parts of me yet I also feel how being out in the world more in this way will help me be a beacon to those I come across in a way that isn’t solely virtual. I get to meet people during every shift… and while I’m no stranger to the challenges of anything to do with customer service in any form, I also feel how each person I interact with becomes another opportunity to feel who I am now and my own next growth and healing steps.

The alchemy and creativity that life wants to offer you can only truly be let in it seems, through being willing to take chances and feel into opportunities as they present themselves. This doesn’t mean you don’t get to also say ‘no’ to what’s offered, yet it does mean that each choice you are willing to make even to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ does truly fuel your currently unfolding life phase.

Much love to you as you feel your own precipices of change in this catalytic month! ❤️


Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Change Your Life By Finding Your Courage

by Kalayna Colibri

Bravery. It’s a good topic to get into, isn’t it? We’re living in times where we SO need our bravery, both the masculine and feminine versions of it. We all have these energies inside of us. We’re all capable of so much beyond our wildest dreams and somehow you know this and can feel it… but not always. Being born into 3D conditioning is like having a lead balloon over your bigness. That is, until it’s not what’s true anymore and you’re remembering how to soar again!

Yesterday I posted just a couple of lines on my Facebook page that said, “If you don’t feel challenged to find your bravery, you’re living a life that supports your stuckness, not your growth…” and got a really big response! It feels like these are words that so many parts and Metasoul Aspects are NEEDING to hear and feel. It’s an invitation that’s meant to bowl you over with love. You’re always invited into your bigness through finding your courage. You find your true courage by finding your heart. If there’s no heart in your choices, if you aren’t truly feeling them, parts of you are keeping you numb out of fear and wanting to just exit the whole situation or relationship without feeling the loss or mourning. This is more bravado than bravery and comes from the Inner Protector wanting to just get OUT already… there’s nothing “wrong” with this though, especially because leaving abusive relationships can really require you to feel as unsentimental as possible on your way out the door. This is about survival in some cases and bless your Inner Protector for doing their job!

What I just mentioned about the Inner Protector brings us to the point I was making about masculine and feminine expressions of bravery. Since the Inner Protector for both men and women tends to be very, very masculine in energy, a very protected and armored version of bravery is expressed through this part. This is more wounded masculine than healed masculine of course, yet there’s no judgment about that because this is just how this part of you has HAD to be. Masculine bravery also expresses through the inner matriarch/patriarch (Inner Mother/Father). Matriarchy, the way it’s been expressed so far, has been intensely masculine in many ways. Any picture of a warrior woman is a masculine one, for example. Feminine power and bravery are different in my experience than anything that requires contention and battles on any level. The more healed version of masculine bravery lives in the heart. It helps you set intentions and not waiver from the course of action chosen, though your heart is still open to feeling your way through it (which is more feminine). It also helps you set boundaries when necessary and quite often it IS necessary in order to exit one door in your life and enter another.

Feminine bravery expresses through the heart. It’s a deep-seated courage to keep feeling all there is to feel. Courage to be WITH the mourning of leaving relationships, career, etc. Courage to be WITH the entering and letting in of new ones, too. Interesting that I’m using the word “courage” instead of “bravery” when talking about the feminine expression! I think this is because cour-age is of the heart, with “coeur” being the French word for “heart” and the feminine lives and thrives in the heart space. It takes a ton of bravery to stay in your heart, even when the world seems to support parts of you not to stay there and when it’s understandably tempting to follow along with that…

It takes a lot of YOU in your growing and strengthening essence to keep fnding your next steps in your life though every single awakening experience and every integration of these experiences too. You’re not meant to stay the same, and your life isn’t meant to either. You have a choice to be with the parts of you that are afraid and take brave steps anyways, trusting in your heart and soul that you WILL be and ARE held by something bigger within you and that life is on your side, not against you. This is a big one to feel and let in. And it takes a lot of bravery to even begin doing so. ❤

you are living in your stuckness


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Current Energies Empower Us To Feel Our Choices Within

by Kalayna Colibri

At any time, you get to push the ‘reset’ button. You get to start again. You get to wake up in the morning and realize that life can become new, can arise for you anew. That the people in your life can too. And that there are many choice points along the way that make this come alive and help YOU come alive again, too.

The only thing that seems to keep us from doing this, letting this in, is what we have still to feel inside of ourselves that really doesn’t trust these choices or see the possibilities in our daily reality. Parts of us that want a quick-fix, get frustrated when everything they’ve tried hasn’t worked or seemed to work (or at least not with any staying power), and then the bottom falls out of our motivation to be IN life… to be a vital part of each relationship we have, especially to ourselves. Or, parts of us get frustrated with simply not finding the solution, not feeling genuinely guided or templated for, not feeling comfortable to be in this skin we’ve chosen as a vessel for our 3D come 4D experience here on Gaia. And THEN the bottom falls out and we are left with quite a bit of inner flatness and apathy.

We get to choose. We get to choose to do and be something different, to have a new approach, to try a new way, a new lens too. We get to do all of this and perhaps that is the very essence of free will. We also get to choose NOT to choose, which is still very much a choice. We can opt-in to our inner power and do the work we need to within, or we can let parts of us continue to opt-out of this invitation to heal and continue on in the same patterns we and they have been used to.

We get to decide our approach to life and to healing. What we don’t really get to choose is how and why our pain surfaces, as this is a collaboration with life and the Divine that we cannot shake off, no matter how hard parts of us may work to keep activity and positivity in place. We get to choose our healing paths and whether or not we fully show up for whatever place we’re at in our lives. We get to lead or follow as much as we want to, as much as parts of us want to… for in the beginning of feeling your parts, you begin to realize how much of your life has actually been a result of the choices parts of you have made, and not necessarily choices the most authentic and raw YOU would make.

Whatever the array of choices are that you make in one day let alone one lifetime, the deepest choices are often the ones that help us look, feel, notice, and heal. These are the choices that don’t ever flatten us out but bring us closer to ourselves and the lives we have truly, most deeply been wanting to live and LOVE. To feel where and how these choices show up for you and within you today feels like the most important revelation you could take in and the biggest, most magical experience you could ever have. ❤


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Following Your Dreams And Divine Guidance: Our Story

By Jelelle Awen


July 15th……this day is special to me because it was a year ago on THIS day that Raphael and I moved from the remote, off-grid ranch we were living at into the city here, Puerto Vallarta, to join Gabriel Heartman andKalayna who had already left and here working. A year ago this day, Raphael and I were crossing a pretty high river with the three dogs (one of them, Canela, tucked into an Ikea bag!), with all of our belongings stuffed into our van. I remember it so well because it was a huge movement out of our comfort zone…not knowing how it would be to live in town again after 18 months living so remotely (and the move to the ranch from Canada had also been a major thrust out of our comfort zones!!!!). Not knowing how it would be live all four of us together (we had to share a two bedroom apartment for a month or more)…we had $40 on us as we drove the two hours into town with some sense of income coming in from Gabriel and Kalayna teaching English online (which was the main reason we moved back into town), but no real idea how we would be able to afford to live here.

I had received a ‘PING’ from the Divine about six weeks earlier that it was time to leave the ranch. We just couldn’t reach and draw the community that we wanted to living there. We couldn’t serve love the way that we wanted to without steady internet access. I had spent 18 months planting seeds in my organic gardens and I wanted to start serving others again to plant THEIR own seeds to bloom and grow. I had written two books during our time on the ranch, went six weeks once without leaving it or going online….I became ONE with nature in a way that I had never before and had many awakening experiences there (which I share about in my book, Keep Waking Up!:

Parts of me had been humbled by the bugs, by the heat, by the simple house we lived in, by the rural Mexican locals who were so grateful for anything, by the rumbles and unpredictability of nature. We had experienced a swarm of flying termites (SO intense!), massive thunderstorms, scorpion bites, dog and personal injuries, and dramas with others living at the ranch too. We lived on $150 a month at one point and ate about 40% of our food from fruit trees and what we could grow in our gardens. We built a small hut out of clay, mud, straw, and sand, enjoying nearly every moment of it and amazed at what our own labor and VERY little money could create! This experience humbled me AND inspired me and gave me much renewed clarity and purified desire around my soul purpose here…… which wasn’t actually to be a gardner (although I sure was open to that one and parts of me would have preferred it!)

I kept seeing myself leading a group of women even though I HAD no women in my life for a certain phase there. I kept writing even though no one was reading it. I kept SEEING people living with us even though no one else seemed to be interested in doing that. And, I kept healing and working with my own parts even though I wasn’t serving anyone else in working with theirs.

It is amazing to feel that it was ONLY a year ago that we moved here to Puerto Vallarta, started going online, and began sharing our writings and videos and other offerings with the world. A year later, and we have other souls coming here with us living near us in community and others who are coming too for visits and to potentially stay here. We’ve been offering group calls since January with growing numbers of souls showing up for those and taking in what we are offering. I have had many sessions with amazing women since about September when I began drawing them. In this moment, I have six women that I am meeting with regularly and some have an interest to become facilitators in the future. We are offering a five day retreat in November with people actually planning to come 🙂 I recently got notice from FB that I have received 38,000 LIKES on my posts that I’ve written during the year! I have shared over 50 writings on Love Has Won, many writings also on, many videos on the Higher Self and Receiving Love You Tube channels, some with over 3,000 views on them……AND published a book (Sacred Human, Arising Wonder).

THIS has been a truly amazing year and it SHOWS, I believe, what happens when you follow your heart, guidance, your soul purpose, your reason for BEing here. When you are willing to let go of comfort zones and go into the unknown because you SEE and FEEL what you are meant to offer and you can negotiate with the parts of you that are afraid. It shows, I feel, what love manifests when you are in service of love and how the Universe supports the next and the next….bringing you exactly what it is you most need.

THANK YOU to all of you who have taken in my offerings in the last year…in whatever ways, means, and depths you have. It is an exchange that is VERY meaningful to me and I just see it growing, expanding, and deepening over time. All THIS happened in ONE YEAR…I can’t even IMAGINE what will happen in the next. Well, I can envision some of it, and I def. have some glimpses of the timelines unfolding and they are feeling really GOOD!! Trust your dreams, what your heart most WANTS, what your soul feels that you are HERE to BE and do. Follow all of that and it WILL come into BEing!


Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond Visit for more information about space holding sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

The Gifts And Challenges Of Life-Changing Energies Coming In

by Kalayna Colibri

butterfly sunset

It’s okay to let go of your handrails…

In fact, it may be time to do so. The love you have waiting for you is what you’re letting go into now. The unfamiliar will become familiar, will become more known to you as you move forward. The fall is not long once you’ve let go. Parts of you anticipate and think it will be, but that’s not the plan at all. There is so much more to let in once what parts of you grip hard to is let go of. It may be a process of moving one single finger at a time as the grasp loosens and the next step forward into the changes coming in is stepped into. This may be what’s needed and that’s fine… charging through change can create more chaos than you may need right now, but in another way, that may be just what you need too.

These foggy changing times bring momentum but invite us to stay in the moment… these energies coming in now are supporting us to feel our next choice points and to feel all there is to feel in the process of making these choices, inhabiting these changes, and finding our way into this newly emerging life phase and overall timeline. It seems these shifts can be subtle at first, but then once that first step is taken, it can feel suddenly like you’re riding a roller coaster or even a speeding car. I should qualify that and say that parts of us feel it this way, while our soul actually has a deep trust that is leading us. There can be a difficulty in the surrender to it all… there are attachments on different levels of our being and in different parts of us, to how things have been up ’til now, whether or not our life’s circumstances are ideal in many (or any) ways.

We do NEED change. It offers us grist for more self-discovery and healing process and celebration of how far we’ve come too. It offers us more ground for growth, especially if we seem to have ‘mastered’ the old ground, to the degree that we can feel how maybe we’re outgrowing it now – it has become too comfortable and kNOwn, perhaps. You may feel consciously that you are a big fish in a little pond too. Change presses what’s uncomfortable, wounded, in distrust, in pain, in separation, up to the surface to be felt and held. It has a way of creating a chaotic windstorm at times, that can be made much more intense by parts of you that are in a panic and either don’t want to be felt or cannot be felt by you for some reason. Change is really the best catalyst to encourage us to feel ourselves. The smoothest transitions in life usually come when there is a whole lot of surrender to a lack of ultimate control, while still paying attention to and moving along your own chess pieces in each step, though even doing this very thing can still bring up surprises and more to feel.

Trusting the rumbles that love wants to send through our life and our current relationship to people, geography, ourselves, the Divine, and even life and love itself, is the biggest invitation and the hardest to inhabit for parts of us. This is when a process becomes so valuable, as we allow in these energies that want to move us into our next places and phases of growth and expanding LOVE consciousness… we cannot always control the depth of change that is being invited into our lives, but we can control the degree to which we are willing to look at the whole picture, to feel all elements of it, to be with the challenges and the bonuses, and to find our way through by allowing ourselves to be IN ourselves and our hearts around it all.

These times of feeling like a whirlwind has picked you up and it’s hard to tell where you’ll land, are some of the toughest phases and also the biggest opportunities for expansion of our consciousness and our overall scope too, it challenges how we see and inhabit life and also how we see and inhabit and love ourselves. There are many gifts here, though the reality of the challenge needs to be felt deeply too. In fact, one feeds the other and when they are allowed to dance inside of us in this way, that is when we pop out the other side, feeling so sacredly different than we ever could have before. We’re on our way, no matter what, to a higher dimension in every way.


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

The Beauty Of Our Messes: Living Life From The Heart

by Kalayna Colibri


Gosh, claiming someone or something can feel like a big leap of faith. It is an agreement to fall in love. It can get to a point where even claiming the next step of the staircase can feel like a lot, like you and your parts know somehow that life as you’ve/they’ve known it is about to change. Some of us are more cautious than others. Some of us dive in head, heart or soul first, no matter the circumstance. There could be a balance here, and yet the whole point, it feels like, is to allow yourself to be ‘out’ of balance. To let something or someone new that’s arising in your life tip you completely sideways and add some new wonder to every fiber of your existence, known or unknown. Parts of us have all sorts of reactions to this and it’s important to feel every one as it arises, paving nothing over, and yet the messiness of it all, even feeling in hindsight what was buried, IS the point! Sometimes our growth edges cannot be planned or deliberately planted, yet stumbled upon. And sometimes this is the only way to find them.

As children, getting messy was easy! It was the way we learned to communicate, the way we learned to play, the way we learned how to BE with others and also with things. We shed tears over broken bones and toys and friendship bonds. Sadly too we also learned how to punish ourselves from the inside and as we learned what was ‘wrong’ and what was ‘right’ we also learned how to judge others for whether or not they followed the ‘rules’ as we learned them. Parts of us or subpersonalities began to form around these traumas, identities and ways of ‘seeing’ ourselves started to develop. We stopped being willing to get messy, sooner or later, for the consequences, which no one could feel us in at the time or offer us heart-centered guidance through, soon became things to avoid, avoid, avoid… it feels like this is when we learned how to stop falling in love, falling on our faces or bums or even our hearts when necessary, whether over a person or a butterfly or puppy, or a flower we just really wanted to run to in order to take it in deeper! We wanted to play, we wanted to learn how to fly, we wanted to experience the whole world with every sense alive in us. AND none of us were born judges or critics or even fanatics… we just WERE.

Our worlds of discovery, uncovering all we wanted to, became answered by knowledge. So many of us eventually began a path of seeking and spirituality in order to find magic in life again, and yet even this has become a place of only seeking knowledge and not actual experience. Not the same experience that falling into and sometimes on top of your heart can offer. It’s not the same as the inherent sense of spirituality we were BORN with, that got snuffed out because we had to go through phases of this. It’s been a tough road of remembrance and so it continues to be sometimes, but this innocence, this heart-centered love of everything, is still there. The healing, the difficulties, the FEELING is all worth it to find this place inside the inside of us again. We are constantly being invited back inward, back to that place where the magic has always been. We can’t return fully to that place where we were as kids, and yet we wouldn’t want to, for all that we’ve gleaned from our life experience has been a gift that’s meant to integrate with this child within, hold it and treasure it too. As we claim each piece of who we are, who we want to be, who we want to be WITH, we find our way back to the pure love we came from, bringing our full treasure chest with us that we always wanted to find as children but needed life to bring it to us.

A childlike claim of the love of discovery, of life, of love itself… the claim of another in romance, the claim of ourselves in pursuit of our deepest healing and experience of self love and reverence and worth… this is all within us and the more we allow in the possibilities of mess but still go IN, the more we seem to grow and the greater our depths of soul and heart seem to BE.

With each firewalk we endure, we find our power again, and realize we never lost it but it was our power that chose it in the first place. With each step into the wilderness, we find that getting lost only means being found in a new way. With each garden bed we till, we make friends with the bugs and learn to love the dirt under our fingernails. And with each fresh beat of our excited hearts, we learn yet again, that even the roughest seas bring us back to the shores of love and the light we’ve always had within. ❤



Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at


Remembering Your Power To Choose Your Personal Healing Process

by Kalayna Colibri



Your healing cannot ever really be forced upon you, it can only be chosen by a growing and expanding you… This choice comes both consciously and unconsciously, as we walk in and out of life situations and relationships, and this right of choosing our next steps is always present though at times it feels as if it may be hiding itself from us rather well.

Whenever we feel the press of a choice we’re making or have made, we’re feeling an opportunity to experience ourselves anew. From this place we can find a new clarity of our mission and purpose for being here. It can also help us discover higher consciousness and awareness… and it can bring us to a renewed sense of our power inside of ourselves when we decide to choose something different as our next step. Sometimes baking in unfavorable conditions is what leads us here and sometimes we find ways to wake ourselves up enough to take one more step forward, finding more and more clarity as we go (sometimes without fully realizing what we’re doing or why in the moment, yet the clarities unfold anyways!).

We can’t actually stop the momentum of our souls, try as we might… as I go on in my own life and serve others as well, I feel more and more how true it is that our souls know exactly what’s happening and where it’s leading. At times I get a strong sense that our souls already have an idea about where they want to take us, so the steps to getting there are all necessary and also in collaboration with this ready-made path. Our choices remain ours to own… and not a single one of them is or has been “wrong” so much as just another perfect expression of our power and how we feel our power in the moment.

Sometimes the ascension process feels like it is taken on by parts of us who actually aren’t ready for what it could really be asking of us. Becoming more fluid with responding to our arising emotional and physical changes and needs seems to be the real process as we go higher and experience life in much brighter ways. Maybe some of us would be best not to call it “ascension” for a while, as there can be something in the feeling tones of it that has some charge as we all navigate changes in ourselves, our relationships and our lives and our parts put pressure on themselves (and each other) to always get HIGHER. I feel there is an ongoing invitation for us to feel this process more PERSONally. Our souls are affected by cosmic movements, yes, and they are being affected for our growth on a PERSONal, and human level as an individual. We will and ARE dancing cosmically, as we can’t help but do that as part of the cosmos in its creativity, power, infinity, and utter beauty, yet we are also here as star-seeded humans too, encouraged to bring our humanity with us as we flow upward into a higher consciousness than we have ever known in this life… a path we can take WITH our souls and not just AS our souls…

Though it can be hard to feel it and even harder to let it in, there is a huge gift in being you… Even if you are moving through pain in the moment, there is a YOU that you have signed up to become more and more of, in line with your huge soul. You are navigating this in every moment and there are no wrong choices, though some choices may keep you feeling small along the way… but only long enough to bear you into a phase of embracing your bigness. When you have reached the end of your tether to shrinking in your life, you will so know it and feel it stirring, rumbling something deep within you. YOU are the earthquake parts of you have been wondering about and perhaps fearing and there is something so awesome about that very thing… because it means that you are so incredibly powerful and your choices are an expression of that…

There is so much to feel in each movement we make towards ourselves and each moment of feeling life blooming around and within us. We are here to keep it all flowing through every choice point, and flow on it does in every expression of our power and every new step we take towards inhabiting our bigness and our true love light shining from inside.



Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at



The Cliff: A Journey Of Love, Faith, And Courage


By Sequoia Heartman

The line upon which I stood was clear in relation to the expansive depth. A part of me just saw an endless void. My daemon knew better. What is to fear when you have wings? As the rocks began to crumble under the weight of my heavy heart and a mirror placed in front of me by my mate, a decision had to be made. Do I continue to placate the fear that a part of me has always succumbed to or do I lay claim to my arising authentic self? When you feel your true desire in relation to what has been constructed for the sake of safety and predictability, there really is no choice but the one that honours life and love. In the words of Carl Jung, “If there is a fear of falling, the only safety consists in deliberately jumping.”

So, I did. I resigned from a 12-year teaching career. In the middle of a school year. Who does that? Not many. The part of me that had built this cardboard kingdom, Chris, was terrified not just of the financial impact, but also the perception of others and how they would respond to me.

“What are you thinking?” asks Chris.

“I’m not thinking actually. I’m feeling,” I say back to him. This would be my response to those who asked me the same question.

“I hope you know what you are doing,” he retorts back.

“Well, I may not know exactly what I am ‘doing,’ but I know what I am being. Honest with my heart, true to myself, and in surrender to the Divine presence in my life. I am following Love.” He wasn’t really convinced and had moments of kicking at me. I had set fire to his kingdom, why shouldn’t he be upset? However, there was no more negotiating on the same ground he has been walking on for years. Time to negotiate on new ground. With my authentic self in the driver’s seat, he has become my adviser to all things practical. And, dammit, if he isn’t good at it.

My decision sent shock waves through my whole school community. To many, it was a breath of fresh air. Something that a part of them wishes they could do. It was inspirational without having to risk anything. These parts could live vicariously through me, dream for a bit, and then ultimately go back to work. For others, it was a reaffirmation of their passion and dedication to a career they felt they were destined for. And some just completely disagreed with me. A part of them needed to protest in order to feel better about their own decision to stay stuck. These “unusual” decisions shake the foundations of the false self and cause a myriad of reactions. But, above all, these actions question the reality that the false self has created in defense of our authentic being.

The days that followed were surreal. Half in, half out. Telling my students was the hardest part. How to let them know the person they spend most of their days with would no longer be there to welcome them at the door. “Lead with your heart and the rest will follow,” said the Divine Mother. So, I did. In a circle of love, I told them of my decision to follow my heart. With their mouths agape in shock, I encouraged them to express all they were feeling or would eventually feel, whether it was sadness, anger, or maybe even joy. It was important they knew it was all real and all right for them to feel, whatever their reactions were.

Most of what I received from them was sadness that I would be gone, but also happiness that they got to be in my classroom while they did. To leave these cherubs was the hardest part of all. It made me realize that children hold a special place in my heart, just not in the role of classroom teacher. They are all Mother’s children, and when you feel their hearts, it is easier to feel their purity and goodness.

As for the staff, I was gifted with heartfelt reflections and support. These people had become my second family in dedication to our students and in genuine friendship. Another difficult piece to let in and let go of. So much love that I had had to let it in in stages. Pictures of the past 12 years flooded my mind and made their way to my heart as tears of joy, sadness, frustration, love, and fear fell and broke the dam wide open. These were not your ordinary co-workers. They were brothers and sisters to a part of me. They will be dearly missed.

So, now what? Well, I am letting my heart lead. A new kingdom takes time to rebuild. It takes faith and courage. I have both, I just  need my parts to trust me and my Daemon. The only way that happens is to feel them when they need to be felt. For my Chris part, this will be a daily dialogue. He needs to know that he is part of this new kingdom, even if his old one didn’t stand. As for my Erick part, he is ready to run with the bulls in Barcelona. I clearly will have to negotiate THAT one. My young Christopher just wants to have some fun and not be so serious. They all have different needs and desires. It is my role as my SFH self to show up for all of them.

The cliff is behind me and I have landed on the other side. The road is wide and infinite. Anything is possible. I have a new life with a new love. This time, I am in the driver’s seat and I’m not letting go of the wheel.

Sequoia Heartman is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more articles and information.