Love… this love we’ve found together, we already are.
These movements we inhabit together,
inside our USness
and inside our ISness,
are ones that bring along
new surprises and prizes.
Beloveds we are,
remembering we have been,
and in this next Now moment,
we find the bond over again
in a deeper sea than before…
The quake and shake
of our Sacred Union dance together
is a treasure to hold and behold
and an opening-out
of our brightest timeline possibilities…
starting, always, within…
flowing together
in a style all our own.
***
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
This is the recording of a wonderful interview that we did last week on the Enlightened Loveheart & Soul Show with resonant host Crystalline Diamondloveheart. It is almost TWO HOURS of interesting conversation sharing our stories. We talk about coming together in sacred romance as well as how we moved from 3D money earning, to giving it all up to live on an off-grid ranch to reset our relationship to abundance and gratitude for is truly the most important…the inner journey to self-love and deepening union with each other. We also connect the gifts and wisdoms they gained from challenges in their lives to the parts work process that allowed them to navigate them.
This provides a great INTRO to us, our journeys, and our SoulFullHeart work. We also have a special offer discount package on a session, my books, etc. that you can read more about here: http://www.theenlightenedloveheartandsoulshow.com/jelelle-…/
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.
There could be emotions running the range of irritation, frustration, to outright rage expressing for you or toward you…pushed up by the FULL moon, Scorpio, death/rebirth energies. The Divine Feminine is holding compassionate space for these feelings to come UP and OUT. These emotions aren’t ‘negative’ or ‘dark’, yet, rather more ‘polarized to fear’ and, very often, ‘suppressed.’ Suppressed emotions usually have actually VERY good reason for being there once you are willing to actually feel them. They have just been so put down and capped by often the Protector part of you (due to 3D conditioning that offers they are not OK or acceptable), that they come out stronger when they finally are allowed to express.
Rage is a denser expression, a more 3D fear-based energy, that actually transmutes and transforms to passionate truth telling as your frequency of self love rises. There is nothing ‘bad’ about anger or rage in its essence. When your truth has been put away or smothered or covered or conformed into “social correctness’, then parts of you don’t know how to express your emotional truth (esp.) without the anger. Anger seems to often be a more ‘surface’ or off gassing emotion that is covering over a past hurt or trauma.
If this trauma didn’t get emotionally digested by you on the Higher Heart/5D Self level or by your caregivers if it happened during your childhood, then it remains in your emotional body. The anger is often the Protector in a stance of, ‘I will not allow anymore hurt’ covering over the emotional reality of a part of you that says, ‘I still feel deeply hurt by this or that’. If healthy boundaries were not set and advocated for in the MOMENT of the hurt with others or from one part of you to another, then the suppressed rage protection over hurt dynamic is a ripe on to develop. Many parts can be stuck in these ‘scenes’ of hurt and shame and suppressed truth telling/advocacy and play them over and over like a loop that may be conscious to you or may not be. This looping leads to the outward, in the moment manifestation of rage that you may not even be able to track or understand as the deeper roots and causes are hidden.
Connecting with the parts that hold rage and WHY they feel it can move these frequencies into conscious, higher vibrational ones of healthy advocacy and passionate truth telling. Connecting directly to these parts of yourself serves to unfreeze these trauma moments and bring them into the present Now…..and also stops the looping patterns as well. Doing this BEFORE the triggers and constellated reactions allows you to establish a ‘non-charged ground’ of deeper connection within yourself. This is about identifying which part of you is feeling the rage and WHY, such as your Protector, your Punisher, your Inner Teenager or Inner Mother/Father. Or, an aspect from another timeline/lifetime. More about parts here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts
You can journal directly with your rage too! Just let it rip out on the page and respond to the ‘truth’ that comes pouring out with compassion and curiosity. You might feel immediately a direct connection of the rage to a particular situation or it may just be an overall reaction to living in 3D and the difficulties of incarnating here.
These rage reactions seem to be especially coming up in romantic relationships and marriages lately and over the last year. This could be a clash and thrash energy between two souls who have drifted out of true partnership with each other, where one is awakening and the other is not. You could have parts of you that are ‘overstaying’ in this relationship ground that YOU know has been outgrown and no longer serves you. Sometimes, these conflicts can be a necessary catalytic movement to bring you closer to each other (only if held with MUCH love and respect and good will remains strong between you and them.)
When these clashes move into abusive and even violent frequencies toward yourself or between you and your partner, it is TIME to complete the relationship….esp. if this is an ongoing pattern. This outward violence (whether physical, emotional, mental) is a mirror to you of an inward violence going on between parts of you to other parts of you. This outward reflection is offering a going within to heal phase for you, to deeply connect with the parts of you that are in trauma, in pain, in hurt, and NEED your love and comforting and compassion. These parts of you need you to ‘clear the decks’ of outward conflict brought in by the relationship so they can actually lean into you with trust that leads to growth.
You cannot extend anything to anyone that you have not offered to yourself primarily and firstly. It is like trying to get water from an empty well. Responding to anger frequencies that come up in you with immediate curiosity and a self loving boundary allows you to experience a filling UP of love more and more. THEN, when you are in relationship from this place, you are able to offer transaction of love from an overflowing ease, grace, compassion, and support for yourself AND your partner. Why would you settle for anything less than this?
5D relationships live in these grounds of mutual respect and growth. They are more SACRED than SCARED. Anything lesser than this in experience is ripe for completing, letting go, and moving on. Negotiation with parts of yourself that are understandably attached to the relationship can help in this letting go. It is MUCH better to be alone (and ultimately very much more nourishing) then to be in relationships where fear-polarized frequencies dominate the dynamic. This offers a huge release for your partner as well, even if parts of them struggle to accept it or move on or initially support the completion.
I have served several women in the completion phases of their relationships when they needed/wanted to end them and it is a sacred phase (often an understandably intense one!) to walk through with them. I support their growing truth, self worth, advocacy, and a compassionate/merciful navigation for both themselves and their partners. You can find out more about 1:1 bridging session with me or ongoing sessions here: soulfullheartwayoflife/sessions
Raphael Awen provides support to men in this place through a bridging session or free intro.
Moving into 5D New Earth YOU means that ALL relationships in your life reflect and transact LOVE, most especially the one with yourself and all parts of you! Divine Mother is HERE to hold space for you to discover the LOVE that you are again and to require that, to hold out for that, to BE in that in your relationships too!
~
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of four books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation with women and with Raphael for men…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.
This is the recording of a wonderful interview that we did last week on the Enlightened Loveheart & Soul Show with resonant host Crystalline Diamondloveheart. It is 90 minutes of interesting conversation about embracing rather than resisting your shadow aspects and difficult emotions. We talk about how in spirituality the shadow can be bypassed or try to be ‘cleared’ or seen as ‘negative’ and the gifts of embracing yours through conscious parts work process.
This provides a great INTRO to us, our journeys, and our SoulFullHeart work. I also lead a guided meditation to meet the Protector part of you at close to an hour into the call. We also have a special offer discount package on a session, my books, etc. that you can read more about here: http://www.theenlightenedloveheartandsoulshow.com/jelelle-…/
INjoy and we’ll be appearing on the show again this Thursday, April 26th at 8:00pm BST to share some more of our sacred journey and stories together as a couple on an awakening path. More details coming soon about that and how you can either join us live or to listen to the recording afterwards.
One listener said this about the show on YouTube: “So glad you posted your interview with Crystalline. I was on the live call & the energy you and Raphael brought was out of this world. I’m looking forward to hearing it again. And your meditation was magnificent. So glad your teachings are spreading, the planet is lucky to have you both.”
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.
This is the beautiful anniversary video that Gabriel Heartman made for us!
By Jelelle ~
Nine years ago, I joined my intention in marriage with Raphael’s….in the moment and for all moments that followed that would be in mutual desire and resonance. On some level, it all felt like a whirlwind….we started dating in July and were married by March (after knowing each other for a couple of years). We had already moved through two major geography changes finally just getting settled in Canada when we married. We also went through the collapse of our whole social and spiritual world by leaving (being asked to leave, told to leave or not be together because we were deemed to ‘codependent’ although only together three weeks!) the spiritual group we had both been part of for a few years.
I am sharing today on March 28th as a FREE PDF, on the anniversary of our wedding, the memoir I wrote of the six year period that includes my awakenings and disillusionments within the spiritual group, first dating and falling in love with Raphael, AND the recovery period after leaving the group together. Most of the writing is from actual journals that I kept during that time! It is called Under The Bloated Banyan and you can receive it by emailing us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com.
Banyan shares the story of our courtship, which was the highest highs of desire moving through, my body calibrating to what it feels like to REALLY be wanted by a man and my heart letting in what it feels like to REALLY be cherished by a man. AS I was also going through a Dark Night of letting go of ALL the souls and my previously beloved spiritual teacher that I had been close to for more than five years in the group. Ups and downs, bittersweet, and yet, always was Raphael there for me, over and over, in complete devotion and utter eagerness to be together.
Those ups and downs have settled over the years as Raphael and I found our way together through many changes and transitions yet, always, arising our way through it in union. We took our wedding rings off two years ago, feeling like it had been other parts of us (going by our birth names Wayne and Jillian) who had exchanged those rings even as the core of us was there. We felt so different after years of parts work, being in the crucible of sacred union together that had burnt away so many layers, letting go of incomes and geographies and just about everything there was to let go of other than each other.
We even felt that the significance of this day was a memory from the past and we were arising in the NOW together. Yet, I do feel in my heart a tenderness for this day, this anniversary, and where we were at that time and who we have been through the years and who we are arising into now as Raphael and Jelelle.
Our usness keeps expanding as we do and keeps vibrating at a higher frequency at all levels and in all areas – sexually, emotionally, spiritually. We are more and more connecting other lifetimes together (energizing NOW) such as in Atlantis, Lemuria, and also our star BEing aspects from other galaxies. Very little conflict between us any more and when it happens it has a Metasoul/other lifetime root cause, fewer words needed, more soul connection deepening and collaboration in our service of love together purpose through SoulFullHeart…
I feel we are Counterpart soul mates to each other, which I prefer to the twin flame paradigm. Counterpart soul mates share many pair bondings with each other in many timelines together, usually with one partner choosing female and one choosing male most often. This pairing is agreed to by the Higher Selves to heal karma together, to experience sacred union together, to become One yet not the same together.
I can feel how our relationship could feel like a fantasy or idealized, yet it is not, it IS very real. We have had to go through the dark together to illuminate the light and the love yet that was always there. We have had to say, ‘no’ to anything that was less than this love or didn’t serve it. We have had to commit to awakening and to our own personal process OVER everything else, including the relationship.The goodness overflow in a relationship can only deepen and grow if the partners are committed to their OWN growth first.
So I celebrate a love today that I am SO BLESSED to experience and have been so blessed to experience for these 9.5 years…..thank you Raphael…..my king, my BEloved, my co-creator, my love for sharing this life of serving love together and ALL of the phases and spaces our love has taken us!
~
By Raphael –
I’ve been married to Jelelle Awen for nine years today!
The marriage itself in 2009 was a tiny affair with about a dozen people including the officiant inside of a studio apartment and was necessitated by the need to make Jelelle a legal resident in my Canada ASAP. A month earlier, I had just gotten banned at the US border for hiding that we were engaged. With Jelelle’s California now off the list, and us taking up residence in Vancouver, we feared being told by another government that we couldn’t be together. We half joked about moving to Mexico in order to be together if need be. Our hearts simply wanted to go all in.
Jelelle entered my life very unobtrusively via email one day back in 2005. She was the manager of the business coach I was doing weekly sessions with trying to get myself free of my little painting contracting business. My coach had told me his manager would be in touch to arrange a phone call as he had decided to leave the company and I would be getting reassigned to another coach. A few days later, as expected, I received an email from Jill (Jelelle’s name at the time).
You’d have thought I was a 14-year-old boy seeing a naked woman for the first time or something if you saw me that day looking at my email. It was a very strange reaction indeed that left a part of me looking at myself with a weirded out look. ‘Are you Okay?’
As my life was at some really big turning points that year, I was drawn to check into the spiritual group my coach was a part of before I lost contact with him and so, some months later, I had driven down to Oregon to attend a seminar being offered. I had forgotten about Jill until a few days before the seminar when I found an article she wrote on the groups website. ‘Well, I guess, I’ll kind of know two people at the seminar’, I thought to myself, ‘my now former coach and Jill’, his former manager who I did end up speaking with for a few minutes a few days following the ‘weirded out’ email.
Jill and I greeted one another on the first day of the seminar and acknowledged the phone call from several months earlier. She said ‘I still recall on my notes from the call I had written and circled three times “someone I can connect with” [in regards to whom I’d like as a new business coach] as you repeated that so emphatically’. That pretty much said it about me then and it still does today.
What happened next is a long and amazing story (about 286 pages worth) and you can read that for free if you’d like as Jelelle mentioned we are offering her story of our beginnings today. PM or email me your email address at soulfullhearts@gmail.com and I will send you the free PDF of Under The Bloated Banyan.
Three years after meeting Jill that first time, we finally became a couple. (I say ‘finally’ because it was my third time to bring an attraction. Life took off like a rocket, even more than it had three years prior when I left behind a stable marriage of 23 years and my Christian faith along with my entire social world as I knew it. Our much beloved spiritual group and its leader gave us an ultimatum to choose between dissolving our relationship or leave the group. It was abusive and we had the courage to admit what we’d been avoiding. It was time to go, but where? Jill and her daughter (Raianna) lived in California, and my little fine tuned livelihood was situated in Canada.
Wait, I’m telling the whole story again aren’t I? Like, I said, get the book.
What I’m really wanting to say today is something more vulnerable. I felt Jill was the biggest prize in this entire group and entering a relationship with her was so off the charts to everything I had dared imagine. Yet, I had done just that in the months prior, allowed myself to dream of a new life with the mate of my dreams before I could see her on any horizon of my life. Now, that I was in a relationship with Jill, it was a very good thing I had consciously chosen this and wanted this so deeply with everything in me, because the relationship called me to show up for what I wanted and tested everything in me. Our relationship got us kicked out of our beloved group and, then, the United States! Geographies, careers, families, all of it rumbled deeply to make room for what our souls had brought us to.
I entered a very socially secluded space in life where our relationship was not only at the center of everything, but was almost everything. The spiritual group was gone. Other than the grief of that loss to process, there was no social world we were a part of, other than Jelelle’s 15 year old daughterRaianna Shai and a few employees in my painting business, with whom we were friendly, but not friends. That in itself wouldn’t be that unusual, but what made it so bizarre was having a romance that was so utterly amazing with no place or people to digest it with or see its reflection, other than with each other. Each day seemed to take us to new places in connection, in heart, in desire, in sensuality and sexuality. This gave me the strange feeling of trusting the relationship more while also heightening the fear of losing it at the same time. The trust was more conscious I’d say and the fear more subconscious.
The one surviving piece being redeemed for us from the spiritual group we were a part of was awareness of parts of ourselves. I could see, feel and track the parts of myself and their needs in relation to all this unfolding. At times, I would go for a walk alone in nearby forest and have tears of amazement and appreciation at these amazing parts of me who could show up ongoingly for such an adventure, with so much change.
I still don’t know what I fell into. I’m still falling actually. Nine years later,…. looking for the handrails. Today, I will reach for the handrail of gratitude for the being named Jelelle this life, who I live and breathe with, where our average physical distance apart is about 11 feet.
Thank you, Jelelle, for BEing with me, with your exquisite BEing, for BEing in this adventure with me of love, of risk, of discovery and of service!
~
Photo was taken on our wedding day nine years ago in a small studio apartment in West Vancouver….Ah newlyweds, although we are STILL like this!
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
Our biggest mirrors lie in our most intimate relationships, especially those that are romantic. That which lies in the deepest shadow places can really only ever be seen and felt in those connections whose dynamics bring us to the edge of our defenses and vulnerability. We get to feel the depth of our own self and what it is that we have been unaware of in the way we relate to life and love.
True sacred union is meant to offer us the means to explore and feel the ways in which we have kept our shadow and light sequestered for very reasonable reasons. It is an ongoing experiential playground in which we get to grow and learn. Each time we open our hearts to the most vulnerable of places, the parts of us that have been so timid and sensitive to bearing their deepest fears, we bring our being to a precipice or a fork in the road. How will my truth, my needs, my love, land in the person that we, and parts of us, have so much invested in?
These investments have different roots…some more wounded or authentic than others. The true sacred union continually asks questions about what is the authentic feeling ground between both partners. Is there a deepening occurring? Is there a feeling of a new arising, both in yourself and in the other, as you continue to heal all that resists real love and growth?
I have been so used to being in my own personal healing space over the years. It has been a newer experience for me to bring that into the space that is now populated with another. It is a new level of showing up for myself and a union with Kalayna. I do have parts that have had habit of coasting in relationship, both to a mate and myself. Sacred union and intimacy pokes a stick at that to keep the fire of consciousness and romance alive and in continued curiosity and expression.
The edges come when one is feeling a chasm of relationality in the space between. What needs to be felt and expressed that can open a doorway to a more authentic felt reality? The inherent risk, of course, is that there may be a difficult yet necessary acceptance that the ground between lovers and mates is no longer sufficient to keep the current inner need for More alive and transactable.
The ground of metasoul connections, sexual compatibility, intellectual alignments, or emotional dependency are not enough in and of themselves to hold together a Love that wants ALL areas of heart, body, mind, and soul to be met with passion and purpose. The more we are willing to feel and express our own needs, truths, and desires the more we are able to attract the kind of love that we feel for ourselves. The more we are willing to take these in from another, and conflict if need be to sort out what is real, the more we are able to find new places of growth and love within ourselves.
I am so fortunate to be in this with someone who cares so deeply for herself, her parts, and process, as well me, my parts, and my process. There is no way I get to stay stuck in something that may be hard for me to see. I am urged to advocate for my needs and for what I want and desire in her. She is a true gift of realness to me. She is the wind to my sails if I am willing to stick them out there. I get to show up for that and I am forever grateful to what she means to my continued growth, expansion, and leadership of heart for men and women in the desire for the More they have signed up for.
*******
SoulFullHeart is healing and integration process that explores your inner world through the connection and feeling of parts and metasoul aspects. This is the self to self relationship that opens the doorway to deeper connection of self to other in intimacy and romance. It is a catalytic and expansive work that opens to a new world of sacred human consciousness and relationality.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
I see, feel and hear the music of your ever-expanding heart,
the grounded bliss of the love within
that I get the pleasure, the honour, the space to be in WITH you…
This flow between us as our hearts continue to entwine
in the most wonderFULL ways
brings me closer
to every cell of the skin
you kiss with such fervent desire
and beckoning strains of truthful, loving arias.
In every chapter we awaken together,
I feel the glow of a golden heart-sun
ever-stronger with each breath
co-created between our healing and feeling hearts.
To create this next chapter with you,
deeply beloved man,
is to create a whole new world
and many new vistas to explore…
….and the fact that I GET to do this with YOU
makes almost nothing else matter.
So many soul songs we have together,
so many dances of body and heart
so many phases and places of inhabited growth
and so many ‘yeses’ to each dawning of NEW day lived out
together…
I say ‘yes’ to MORE and MORE with you…
more of the bliss, the mess, the phases of ups and downs
ins and outs
inward healing and outward service.
I say ‘yes’, because I love everything that you are,
every part you have every been
every Metasoul Brother you have ever felt
and I thank them all
for making up this truly awesome mosaic
of the powerful, heartful, soulful man
that you ARE
and are continuing to BEcome.
Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
In today’s video, Day Nine of my 33 Days Metamorphosis series, my beloved sacred union mate for almost ten years Raphael joins me to talk about sacred union and 5D relationships. Raphael shares about his previous life/relationship with his first marriage and feeling his whole life a desire and ache for deeper and more meaningful relationships.
He brings up his completion with his first marriage, plus leaving Christianity, and how difficult it was for parts of him to leave and complete it, yet, eventually he felt it was the best for both. He wrote about this process in his journaling series Journal To The Demiurge, which you can read here:https://soulfullheartblog.com/…/by…/journal-to-the-demiurge/
Raphael and I also talk about how the ground narrows in 3D relationships and eventually pops you out while in higher dimensional ones the ground deepens and expands. We discuss what a sacred union is from our perspective in SoulFullHeart which is transactability and nourishment on ALL grounds of mind, body, soul, and heart. We talk about how in many relationships there are parts of each partner that are ‘hooked up’ in the bond, which often flattens and neuters desire and sexuality.
Thank you for joining us on this ninth day of 33….as we move into Metamorphosis energies together…..one beloved part of us at a time!
My new book Bliss Mess: The Wonders And Challenges Of Ascension and the book I mention in this video Keep Waking Up! is available for purchase at soulfullheartwayoflife.com/books.
~
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more!
Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
I have been on an inner quest this life to feel what authentic emoto-spiritual masculinity truly looks and feels like. It is what I have called Sacred or Divine Masculine for lack of a better term. I feel a part of me as well in this exploration and question. In my essence, my masculinity is just what IS. It has no delineation. In my psyche, it is an archetype that has many colors and flavors. In my experience, it has shades of healing and trauma.
Through my own personal HIStory, I can feel how my 3D self has been on this quest to get his balls back. The ones he gave up so readily to an angry father, too afraid to stand up and fight back. The ones he gave over to mom for protection and valuation. It was holding back authenticity in the name of fear and care-taking. It was the need to forsake sovereignty in the name of unconditional love. But the love was always conditional. On both sides. It was the desire to feel the passion of life and true love unabated.
This quest for reclaiming inner authority, sovereignty, and passion ultimately led to worth. What is a man’s worth in this world? Fused to a more 3D existence it is chock-full of all sorts of ‘this and thats’. Most of which have nothing to do with our own felt sense of inner worth. This is where I was led to seeking love outside of me for assurance and insurance. Insurance against the void and the inner punisher within.
I was not raised religious but found a solace in the idea of a God that had a desire to love me and help fix me. Help feel like I was worth something. This God would be like a father and a mother both to my emotional body. A part of me related to women as a means to feel what I thought it was to be masculine. They were goddesses to my wounded teenager. A ping ponging of the spiritual and the physical without bridging the two.
As a began my inner journey of parts work I could feel the myriad inner aspects of myself that held so much trauma and templating from my family, while feeling rage and compassion both. I could begin to feel what MY masculinity was and wasn’t. I had projected so much of an ideal onto what masculinity was based on my own this-life experience.
Add on top of that exploring metasoul, or other lifetime aspects, and a world of wounded masculine comes into view. What it IS is really not the question anymore but what it is not. And that is always up for experiential debate as I live into a sacred romance inside myself and with a woman on a sacred feminine path.
Thus the quest continues as an unfolding of not something to live up to, as a part of me has always related to it, but of a moment to moment, day to day, conscious meditation into what is arising within the emotional body for expression, and felt exploration. What is being reflected by the feminine within and in relationship. This is personal to each individual, yet also has many similar themes and desires. Beyond our gender healing there is a unification and a sacred dance that feels delicious and magical in what it means to BE in our authentic sacred human expression.
******
Tomorrow in our SoulFullHeart Group call we will be talking about the sacred union codes being offered up through both the Sun and the Moon. The union of the feminine and the masculine within and in sacred romance. The sacred feminine energy being held by Magdelena and the sacred masculine by Christiel in the meditation Kalayna Colibri and I will be writing together. Go to https://www.facebook.com/events/813881412132524/ for more information.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart) 