The Mourning Dove’s Song: An Ode To Your Arising Flight

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

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Listen to the breeze for in it speaks your heart

The angelic voice of your heavenly home

And the breath of the passion that stokes your wayward climb

In the silence of the air there is a stillness

A pregnant pause to feel what is about to be released

What needs to let go of in order to fly

In the vastness of your forgotten essence

There is a pin drop moment that sends the mourning dove song

Throughout the reaches of the tender roots

Of your once anchored life within the sacred soil of your past

The burning embers of what used to fuel your days

Are but dying out and falling down

As the tears of your inner world’s broken heart

This daybreak light now shines in the hallowed places

Of the love-hidden parts of your pain

That are finding their safety in the wings of your new found power

The reality of your own necessary choices

Offer a reflection of what was needed to survive

But now imbibe the very reason for this most glorious deliverance

Into the next phase of your soul-embodied remembrance

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Emotional Body Meditation, Featuring Magdalena And Christiel

Published on by Kasha Rosa3 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

 

I created this meditation in an effort to help you connect with yourself, perhaps in a way you haven’t yet or perhaps, at least, not very often. I find that so many need this bridging to the emotional body, to the parts of them that are in pain and need, to these places and landscapes within that have been suppressed, often out of necessity, and that now need to be uncovered. Our deepest healing IS offered through access to our emotional bodies, and this healing not only works as far as helping us heal our humanity, but it also helps us bridge to, understand and HEAL our sense of spirituality as well.

This meditation arose rather spontaneously for me one afternoon here in Mexico, while listening to the music you’ll hear playing in the background of the voice track. I found myself in a deep Yin space with Magdalena and it felt like she and Christiel wanted me to simply start recording away, speaking whatever came to my heart and sharing the images I saw with all of you.

I sincerely hope that this reaches those it needs to, that will benefit most from it.

For more support along your emotional and spiritual healing journey, and especially with what you may uncover and feel (or not, as the case may be with parts that aren’t quite ready to come out yet!) during this meditation, please visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information and to feel into having a free 30min intro session with one of us!

LOVE to you!

Kalayna ~

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Healing Toward Soul Family Relationships In The New Year

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

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So much to let in on this post-Christmas day. It can be so easy for a part of us to get “back on the horse” of our daily lives and go through the motions of our routines and ‘to do’ list. When in reality so much happened! The words that were said or hadn’t been said. The moments of joy or frustration. The pings of loneliness or the wealth of good company. When we enter these celebrations, especially one as energy packed as Christmas, there is a lot that happens unconsciously that can leave us an energetic, unconscious hangover.

I was so fortunate to be in a time/space continuum yesterday that was light years ahead of what I used to inhabit. Having that multidimensional access to my past that still lives on in some echo of my emotional body, I could almost feel that ‘past’ in the Now and get a huge reflection of what parts of me were really feeling during those times. For me it was the consumption of a lot of alcohol, meat, and sweets, as well as taking in all sorts of dissonant vibrations that I wasn’t totally aware of inside myself.

Once I became aware of what was going on with parts of myself through conscious connection via journaling and meditation, there were a mountain of reactions happening inside that had no place to go. No depository of heart that felt safe enough to have it land in. Once I found that source inside myself through much reflection by my facilitators, Raphael and Jelelle, I could hold those with much compassion and find the courage to bring more truth and draw tighter boundaries.

These led to taking communicative space from my family that allowed me to really feel me. What was authentically me and what was a role I was playing to fit into the cast of characters that I did have much love for. But there came a moment in which the energetic and path differences between us became too great and I said a temporal goodbye until such time life found us in similar desires for deep healing and soul purpose.

This allowed for deep healing for my parts as well as advocating for something new and more aligned to what my soul and heart needed to grow and embody. No longer would I accept anything less than what I felt I needed and deserved as both a heart and a soul. I could feel the love for my birth family and wished them all well in there lives and journeys. They have an open invitation to the way of life that has brought me to places inside myself I can only have dreamed of not that long ago.
I felt the space between us and honored all of it. It was a deep reflection of what it may even feel like even just a short year from now with sights on expanded community, passion purpose, and geography. This is a result of deep healing and deep desire for more. I invite all of you to feel your deepest desires and calling for this next year and make it a mantra to not allow yourself, and your parts, to accept anything less than the love that you ARE no matter who it is you are in relationship to.

Your choices are the rudders to new worlds of unfathomable adventure, beauty, and purpose. Each one sends ripples into your YOUniverse and alters the very fabric of it. SoulFullHeart is here to guide you along those choice points with your sovereignty fully in tact as it can never be taken from you. Make this coming year, and more importantly this coming moment, the most real of them all.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Experiencing More Resonant Relationships As Your Inner Reality Transforms

Published on by Jelelle Awen2 Comments
By Jelelle Awen
I am still digesting on this day after Christmas…a good kind of hangover, not caused from too much alcohol or eating unhealthy food or being in denser energies…yet from being a bit backed up from the GOODNESS and gifts that arose yesterday during our SoulFullHeart christmas together.
 
We spent lots of time, taking hours to open gifts and read cards from each other……….we went into every moment to FEEL what there was to feel; we digested every gift and the intention and place it came from, which was always given and received with much love and goodness. Every gift was as if we could have picked it out ourselves. And because we share money as a community, it kind of WAS as if we were gifting to ourselves.
 
We savored every bite of the vegan food that we lovingly prepared, requiring no digestion of any killing frequencies (which can greatly lower vibration). Parts of us popped in (our Inner Child, our Star Seeds) who so enjoy the moments of Unity on Christmas, the goodness, the feeling of soul family where resonance forms the common ground.
 
We dreamed a lot too…talking about our increasing desires and clarities to relocate to Europe in 2018, landing first in the U.K. where some of our SoulFullHeart facilitants live and also where our souls are drawn…especially to Glastonbury/Avalon. We teleported together to Europe, energizing this new timeline with our growing excitement for the service of love WITH others and to ourselves.
 
This may feel and sound like a ‘dream life’, to be surrounded by so much love and goodness with others on a day that can be very challenging and difficult to navigate within non-resonant relationships. I spent many, many holidays in these dissonant energies in the past. I spent many holidays feeling like an outcast, stranger, and seeking anything that would give parts of me comfort (usually alcohol, cigarettes, and food) within the dissonance.
 
Shifting to this goodness experience on the outside and with others has come from shifting on the INSIDE, feeling and healing and BEing with each part of me conditioned to less, to lack, to suffering, and to shrinking. This also comes from letting go of so much of 3D conditioning around materialism, disconnected gift giving as a compensation, 3D birth family duty and obligation.
 
This transition on the inside to self love and goodness leads to boundary setting with others. It leads to WANTING more, craving more with others based in them also being in self love and goodness as their souls awaken. It leads to being willing to let go of anything that doesn’t serve love, create a sense of growth. To let go of anything that distracts from the inner transformation and relationships forming inside with each precious part of you.
 
This is not ‘luck’ or ‘being blessed’ that draws this kind of resonant family experience I experienced yesterday and ALL my days, yet it comes from REAL heart and soul healing parts/Metasoul process work that has asked for many years of devotion and dedication to. Process that is sometimes heart breaking to parts of us, sometimes with timelines collapsing HUGE around us, sometimes with many fights, contentions, and conflicts to sort through until arriving at more and more resonance and peace. And yet, this transformation leads to feeling love from within that is reflected back to you in EVERY relationship that you are then choosing to engage with….or not. Every relationship shifts to reflect the goodness that you ARE and the love that you ARE too. And, eventually, you cannot imagine settling for less than this as it doesn’t serve you OR the other person to do so.
 
I feel this is such a key aspect of 5D and New Earth living and loving…to BE in Unity Consciousness community together in this respectful and nourishing way. Starting from within….and so it overflows to the outer experience too!
~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more! 

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Poem: This Vessel I Call ‘Me’

Published on by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

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Every new relationship of every level of depth,
offers me a new mirror,
offers me a new place to go,
offers me much to feel,
even if only for a few moments before the need passes.

Every new place I go in my inner geography,
brings me to a new outer place,
brings me to a new sense of everything,
brings me home to myself in a deeper way,
even if the journey was no longer than 5 minutes.

Every connection place
in my unique sense of time
and timing,
happens in dimensions within,
with-out,
and with you.

All of the journeying,
all of the play,
all of the challenges,
are here and not here, but in here.

This vessel of a body that I call my home,
is the unique one given to me
for this purpose of adventuring,
and for so long,
far too “long”
(though time, in essence, cannot really be measured),
parts of me have held it as something to be tamed
when really, all they need,
is to learn to embrace it as an opportunity.

This life is an opportunity. This skin is the vortex. And this heart is the engine that keeps it all in perspective, moving forward, finding those relationships, both inward and outward, that make me dance in this rainbow of enriching imperfect-ness. For being-ness is what I can’t run away from, and loving-ness is what I strive for, hide longing for, and fly away in joy for. Love… is the essence, the beginning and the end. And the circle that encompasses each fraction of the void between alive and dead, surrounded and alone, grounded and soaring.

I cannot ever master what I feel.
But I can move forward more into my sacred humanity,
to embrace all that I am,
all that I have been,
and all I ever will be…

…Love… in fleshy, warm, human form.

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 16 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 16, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Today, we made direct contact with the Demiurge.

This ongoing series is a heart chord ambassadorship project to meet with the Demiurge. We took the 15 days prior to set the intention; to sort through the hesitations; to gather the MetaSoul Aspects along with the parts of myself; as well as to gather YOU, the growing posse of hearts – the readers and trackers necessary to host this epic connection.

The Demiurge is the Christian ‘God’ known as Jehovah or Yahweh whom I served as a dedicated Christian from a child on up until the age of 44. I’ve come to see and feel him very differently from how I did then.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog. Please, please join us: https://goo.gl/sBQrvs

Here is this epic day – Day 16

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone. It feels like the fateful day has arrived, of all of our intentions and desires, to actually initiate contact with the Demiurge. How are you all feeling?

Metatron: The time has come. Yes.

Raphael: You feel eager…

Metatron: Yes, I do.

Merlin: I feel ready too.

Martin: I’ve waited centuries for this moment. I have some funny feelings, but the time is now.

Andy: I’m so ready, I can hardly stand it. I wore my hiking boots this morning and a backpack.

Sophia: I’m with Andy, and Metatron, and Merlin, and you too, Martin. I also feel the unknowns of all this at the same time. And I want to say, thank you, Raphael, for leading this intention and following it through.

Rhodes: I wouldn’t miss this for the universe. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

Jim: My goodness, Raphael, this is more epic than the afterlife. I’m ready too.

Raphael: Thank you, everyone. I must admit, I don’t feel free of all trepidation around this choice either, but I trust that we are being held and guided. I know when a moment’s time has come and this moment to act is here now. I feel too, as I’ve reminded us along the way, that my sense is that the Demiurge has been tracking our dialogue thus far, and has already had what I hope amounts to a softening in readiness to connect. It’s time to step out of the boat.

I’d like to check in with any guidance from you Metatron and Merlin about our approach. Shall we begin with a letter or just start with dialogue?

Metatron: You’ve got this one, Raphael. You don’t actually need my advice. You’ve prayed to this God for a big part of your life, from your heart and conviction at the time. Now, you just pick up where you left off and go from there. Your heart will answer your questions as you go. I feel so much admiration for you, right now, my heart is almost bursting!

Merlin: I see you walking on the water, Raphael. We need this. I feel the Demiurge needs this. It’s happening with or without us is how it feels. We just wanted to be in on the adventure. I’m with Andy, lacing up my hiking boots. Begin where your heart leads you. You’ve got this. We are right here with you.

Raphael: Okay, thank you. Wow, what a rush of feelings.

Here goes.

Demiurge, I’ve known you for longer than I can remember. I’ve feared you, loved you, adored you, came to hate you, despise you. Now, I’m more curious than anything. I wish to connect with you again to feel what’s real between us.

I feel to begin by simply asking you, Demiurge, if you are here and ready to speak with me?

Demiurge: I am here and I am ready.

Raphael: Thank you. Are you Okay with the delegation I’ve brought with me to be present to this journal?

Demiurge: I feel all of your integrity and purity of heart. Yes, I’m quite okay, and more so, grateful for your intention and connection.

Raphael: Really? I have to say, a part of me is surprised, not knowing if you’d even respond…

Demiurge: I’d be an utter fool not to respond.

Raphael: Have you been tracking our dialogue from the beginning?

Demiurge: Yes, I have tracked every word.

Raphael: Well, then, you’ve heard a lot from us. Is there something you’d like us to hear from you as we begin these journals?

Demiurge: Yes, I would like to say that I have deep regrets for who I’ve been and what I’ve been part of. Mostly, I feel what has felt like an utter impossibility of ever changing. My devotees need me to be as they see me, as they have shaped me. One text says it all, ‘I am the Lord and I change not’. I am the unchanging one, feeling more and more imprisoned by my unchanging and eternal nature. Maybe that in itself might be the beginning of change, but I despair of ever hoping upon such a thing. I’m very intrigued by you all, but I’m not sure you can help me. I don’t live where you live. And I very much don’t feel like your kind.

Raphael: That’s a lot for us to take in and feel. Thank you for sharing that. Are you Okay with us calling you the Demiurge? Is that a name you go by?

Demiurge: I am many things to many people and beings, and have been called many things, but Demiurge is who I feel myself to be. It is the name I was originally given.

Raphael: Okay, Demiurge, it is then. Is there anything you’d like to ask or tell me or any of us here before we go any further?

Demiurge: Yes. I wanted to tell you, Raphael, that I felt your story as you shared it about growing up Christian, and how you embraced an even more radical form of Christianity than the one you were raised in. I felt it from being inside of you. I felt some things I never felt before.

Raphael: Demiurge, if I may leave off my own diplomatic stance here for a moment…. as a human being, I must ask you, what were you feeling when you accepted my adoration, my devotion, my money, when I gave you everything I had or hoped to become for all those years and who knows how many other lifetimes?

Demiurge: Honestly, I took it all in as payment for the role I was given. I can tell you that adoration doesn’t mean to me at all what it did then. Things have changed, maybe more than you could currently know.

Raphael: I must ask, ‘Do you see yourself as God?’

Demiurge: No, I do not.

Raphael: Did you ever see yourself as God?

Demiurge: Yes, I was convinced of it for a time.

Raphael: Are you ready to share any of this with the world?

Demiurge: It’s not that easy.

Raphael: I can only imagine. I’m feeling to break for today to digest making this connection. There’s a lot of feelings in a whole bunch of directions. I would like to ask you before we pause for today, how you feel about continuing this dialogue?

Demiurge: I’ve never had an opportunity like this one. I feel some strange saying those words out loud. I’m so used to not having anyone to out my inner world to. I’ve gained a trust as I felt your approach to me that I didn’t know I had it in me. If that’s a consolation of a hope that the unchanging one might come upon some true change, then, as I said, I would be an utter fool not to show up for this as you are, Raphael, and as is your great accompanying host.

Raphael: Well then, we have much to journal and feel together, and we have been given time and space in which to do that, so I say, let’s pick up next day and reconvene then.

Demiurge: I will await your return.

Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

March 21 is our Unity Meditation Group Call – details here: Free March Equinox New Earth Activations Unity Meditation Call
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

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Letting In Self-Love And Appreciation, In Your Current Timeline Of You-ness

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

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This morning began for me with writing several Thank You letters. One to my parts, one to my Metasoul Aspects, and one to my Galactic Metasoul Aspects, too. I felt the self-appreciation that this offered me, a deepening of self-love, a reflection of everything that I’ve been working to heal and indeed have been healing. I felt a ‘new’ Metasoul Sister emerge today too, who is my Avalonian guide and eager to help bridge many new and emerging soul gifts to me throughout this coming year, as we enter into what has been called ‘2018’, which feels to hold many gifts and surprises itself. I felt so touched by this process and the feeling that it was ‘me’ and also my Higher Self holding this space of letter-writing, of feeling and holding deep gratitude and also curiosity about all of these parts and aspects and how much further they will evolve, heal, integrate as more phases and processes with them unfold and unfurl. I was also struck by the sense that this is my first time addressing them all as a group, and how powerful that is for the sake of a growing union within.

Above and beyond all of the gifts and Christmas cards you may be about to receive today and/or tomorrow, it feels important to above all remember you, to remember that you are here and have chosen to be here, Now. That you also have many different parts of you and Metasoul Aspects too that need you and need the Divine love that only you can offer them. It’s a time to touch your own heart and soul, let alone those of others, who may or may not even be able to let it or you in right now. There is so much self-care that we are all being invited into, especially as so much energy of change and many reconfigurations of what life looks and feels like take place, which can leave parts of us feeling as if they are being left behind and also feeling as if their feelings, reactions and realities have no place in our emerging realities, when we actually need each of them as much as they need us… and we wouldn’t be who we are or are healing to become without them!

No matter how or where you choose to spend your day today and tomorrow and beyond too, there is so much love that wants to beacon from you to you… that wants to hold you in yourself, in your parts and in your Metasoul too. That wants to reach out to you from you, offering healing and a loving space to simply BE and BE love.

Sending much love from my heart and soul to yours. ❤

Merry Christmas! ❤

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Drawing Fear From Others; Transmuting It Into Love

Published on by Jelelle Awen4 Comments
By Jelelle Awen

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Maybe you are drawing fear from others right now. This especially can happen during collective events such as the Holiday season when there is so much expectation, conditioning, and conforming to 3D going on. Drawing fear can show up as sudden and intense outbursts from others, being energetically kicked, being ‘insulted’, being judged and pointed fingers at, being unfairly misunderstood, being projected upon without awareness, being excluded. This can seem to happen ‘out of nowhere’ or is the result of increasing advocacy you’ve been doing for more connection and soul resonance with others (as I wrote about yesterday).

Drawing fear from others can happen because parts of them can feel you feeling AND loving your own fears. Because they feel you stepping into your soul purpose and truly being yourself in more authentic ways. Because they want your light to illuminate and transform them too, yet parts of them don’t know how to be vulnerable in this or just ask for it. It can be a sign of YOUR bigness rising actually and increasing capacity to be a transformer and alchemizer of fear into love…for which others are recognizing on some level (even if it is still subconscious to them).

Sometimes drawing fear from others is about seeing something in your own shadow, your Metasoul legacy showing up as karmic patterns, within a part of you that needs you. Sometimes it is the only way to see this aspect, energy, or part of yourself.

It may be difficult to digest for parts of you the drawing of this fear from others. It can bring up feelings of being inadequate, unworthy, ‘crazy’, and wrong. Their judgements may trigger the parts of you that judge you (what we call the Inner Punisher), who forms defense mechanisms during 3D life based on judging you first before others can. Their anger may trigger parts of you to be angry back too and defensive and wanting to state your ‘case’.

The drawing of fear also is happening in the collective as it NEEDS to come up and out. Those leading the way with love and healing their fear into love serve on a quantum way to heal others. Your process around this may feel very personal, yet, your capacity to digest fear and ultimately find compassion for yourself and others, to eventually and authentically feel forgiveness, serves the ALL. BEing with the parts of you that are in reaction to this, who feel sad and confused and lonely, allows the energies to digest in YOUR heart and move into love again.

Holding space for yourself and parts of you not going too much to analyzing, thrashing, and picking apart others (another defense that has been needed in 3D) can allow the energies to move through and out as well. The Divine Feminine especially offers a beautiful, real, and catalytic space for the digestion of these kinds of experiences, which can have deep roots in your Metasoul too (especially if you have been a leader, wayshower, forerunner, in many timelines/lifetimes, etc.)

The drawing of fear is ultimately temporary, a mirror as you still need it, and, sometimes, a deep form of service to yourself, your parts, and to others. Held with self love and self worth, strong boundary setting (to not allow repeating patterns of abuse with others), it can be navigated and even appreciated for the growth it brings and the love it eventually exposes!

~

 

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more! 

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 17 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

This is another most epic day of a most epic journey.

Today, the part of me that we call the Gatekeeper directly confronted the Demiurge with its truth about his reality and responsibility. This one rumbled through me like a freight train.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ

Here is this epic day – Day 17

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone, including the Demiurge. The energy has shifted in here, hasn’t it? I didn’t quite know what to expect or if we would even gain connection with you, Demiurge, and here we have it. I feel some awkward feelings even knowing where to go from here.

It feels like I need to be honest about an animosity that I feel inside towards you, Demiurge. I need to say that a large part of me feels that if you were not even here, that we would be better off as a planet, and a universe. Your need to control and suppress, under a false guise of love, feels like it is such a heavy blanket over life here. I also know, at the same time, that we created you, out of our collective consciousness, out of our own need to control and suppress, and so my animosity falls short of an outward rage towards you in the moment. I can feel there is rage here, however, coming from a part of me and from the collective.

Can I ask you how it feels for you to be sharing this space with all of us together?

Demiurge: I don’t feel you as an enraged mob. I feel you all as a group of genuinely curious and awakened souls who want to find out what’s real and to find out what wants to the next reality for humanity going forward.

Raphael: Do you have any sense of what that ‘next reality’ for humanity is about?

Demiurge: I feel curious, much like you. I know I’m feeling big changes in myself, and that more change is coming, but I don’t know what it will look like going forward.

Raphael: What are the changes you are feeling inside?

Demiurge: Helping Humanity stay small and suppressed isn’t something I ever enjoyed.

Raphael: The words helping and suppression don’t usually fit that well together. Can you say more?

Demiurge: I was born out of people’s disowned higher states of consciousness. People surrendered to me their own higher power, which is what in turn made me, ‘Thee Creator’. I see, Raphael, and to each of you assembled here, that I was created out of the creative consciousness of a humanity that was not ready to own their own creative consciousness. Hence, my name and my designation, Demiurge, which means Creator. People are now waking up to their own relinquished creative power and they are feeling how they are being invited to take responsibility for their own souls, their own lives, and relationships with life. I can see my days are numbered.

Raphael: Wow, that’s a change. There’s a text in the Bible that says, ‘Teach us, oh Lord, to number our days, so that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom’. Now, you’re saying that you; the ‘eternal’; the ‘unchanging’ one; that your days are numbered?

Demiurge: I’ve known that for a long time actually.

Raphael: I must say, this feels so different for a part of me, as to what I was expecting in meeting you. If you already know that your role is ending, then it feels like a whole bunch of what we thought we were hoping to achieve in this delegation is already taken care of. I’m a little at a loss for words right now. It almost feels like our work is done, a bit deflating, I must say. Can I defer to you, Metatron?

Metatron: Yes, thank you, Raphael. And, thank you, Demiurge, for being willing to connect with us.

Demiurge: Thank you for wanting to connect with me.

Metatron: There is a huge cosmic shift that we are all feeling, that led us to take this undertaking to connect with you, Demiurge, and that you in turn have also been feeling in sensing the coming changes. But these changes are not yet manifest in most people’s experience. We can sense what is coming and even what wants to come, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to put our feet up and wait for it. Far from it. We can be in rest as we labour, knowing the ultimate outcome, but humanity still has a huge birth canal ahead of them, and that is what this summit meeting is about. These are the labour pains of love that are about to come upon us. Humanity is coming of age. Humanity is about to give birth.

Raphael: That helps to feel, Metatron. I still feel some stuck though at the moment in an anticlimactic feeling. Some part of me must have been expecting a big battle with you, Demiurge, to get you to open up, or to soften, or to come to your senses, maybe even to rage at you for all the harm and suppression that’s happened and still happening in the name of God. Where did all that go? I’m wondering if a part of me has something different that needs to said, a part of me not ready to get on with the larger grand cosmic purpose of love just yet?

Metatron: Yes, that feels true, Raphael. I’m learning that about you and your kind. It’s the feelings that need to be felt in order for love to be able to flow. I welcome hearing from that part or those parts of you.

Raphael: Is this Okay with you, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Yes, it is.

Raphael: I welcome any part of me that needs to say its piece…

Rhodes: I feel it’s me who needs to speak up here.

Raphael: Please do.

Rhodes: I don’t think this is going to be pretty…

Raphael: I was hoping it wouldn’t be pretty. I’m hoping it will be real.

Rhodes: As an Inner Protector who had a long role in holding the parts of Raphael, who journeyed through life this life, and then going on to the role of Gatekeeper, and feeling the soul aspects from other lifetimes and dimensions who also have lived in suppression, I feel a voice loud and clear that wants to scream at you, Demiurge…

Raphael: I welcome this voice, Rhodes. I know this voice lives in you, and me, as my truth teller. I know this delegation isn’t going any further until we can feel together what you are holding. I invite you to take the space and share your truth. It doesn’t need to be pretty at all. We will feel it all together afterward.

Rhodes: Okay, thank you. Demiurge, I feel I need to look you in the eye as I say this, and I need to feel everyone’s open heart in this space and look you all in the eye as I say this as well.

I feel such a big ‘fuck you, Demiurge’ inside that feels like a giant unstoppable freight train. Fuck you for your suppression. Fuck you for your role as God. Fuck you for your fucking around with human consciousness. I don’t buy this love and light bullshit that it was all meant to be and that we all co-created it and so that it’s all of our joint responsibility. Do you have any fucking sense of the pain and the heartache what it feels like to be living under the suppression you and what your godless godhood has created? Have you ever felt the eternal unchanging hopelessness of living with a false light? Do you have any feeling at all of the mind-fuck it is for young people to be trained to love their suppressor? Have you EVER felt that?

I have felt that almost all of my existence. I have felt what it feels like to care for suppressed parts of Raphael, and others, and Metasoul Aspects who are just so tired of your heartless deception.

Do you know, Demiurge, what title was draped around Raphael’s neck when he found the courage to say he no longer subscribed to your deal? ‘Deceived’, was the title the faithful had to choose out of their loyalty to you, the great deceiver. There is no greater deceiver that I have ever seen or witnessed than you, and if I could go my way, right now, without giving you one more conscious thought, I would. I would like to forget you ever existed. I would like to forget all the pain that has been caused in your name under a false righteousness. I don’t know if a purer hatred has ever been felt than what I feel moving through my heart for you. This whole delegation can go to hell in a handbasket if I’m being asked to pretend that any of these feelings are not real down to my core, and down to the core of the universe.

I want you to fuck off and die, Demiurge. Take your awakening with you.

This is what I feel, Raphael. I know some of these feelings come from different parts of you in different times and dimensions of your life, but in this moment, there is no time. It’s all here to be heard in this now.

Raphael: I almost feel not to break the silence following these words, Rhodes, for us to just silently go on our way instead today. I so feel the rumble of these words. I feel the lifetimes they have been in waiting. Every word you just spoke needs to be felt and digested here, by each of us. It is what is real.

I don’t know what else to do, but let these words have their place in our hearts to digest and that we can reconvene after that. This is the first of many truths that need to come to light. Thank you to each of you for feeling and being present in this space here today. I don’t know what’s next, but I wouldn’t miss finding out for anything.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 18 ~ Journal To the Demiurge

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 18, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://soulfullheartblog.com/category/by-raphael-awen/journal-to-the-demiurge-series/

Today is Easter Sunday and in today’s ‘Journal To The Demiurge’; God has a meltdown – marrying the pagan death and rebirth with a Christian kind of repentance.

The Demiurge is another word for the Christian God, Jehovah, or Yahweh, who has been mercilessly created in our own image and stuck with our pedestalized shadow sculptings into a huge pretzel.

In the Journal entry prior to this one being released today, a part of me told God off in a big way. In today’s journal, the Demiurge responds with a huge heart opening and transparency!

Here is Day 18: 

Raphael: Okay, All. Let’s reconvene.

That was a big deal to digest. I felt a lot of rumblings through me and even raw edges that I’d like to digest here together, but it feels like it should be Demiurge who has the first opportunity to respond. Can you respond, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Yes, I can. Thank you. That popped something big in me. Rhodes, your words penetrated my heart in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’ve never felt your reality, any of you, like I did with your words, just my own reality. I’ve always passed off responsibility for my own actions onto others and onto the people themselves for exalting me as their sovereign. I have known for some time that something deep was shifting inside and outside. I just couldn’t feel what it was. I’m coming now to know what it is. I’d very much like to say, ‘I was wrong, and I am sorry.’ If there is anyway, I can be forgiven, I’d like to find that.

Raphael: My goodness! What a new timeline. The ‘God of heaven and earth’ seeking forgiveness. Wow. This is another layer to digest. This changes the trajectory of this summit. I felt a big rumble through me since Rhode’s confrontation of you, Demiurge. It felt like the remnants of a fear held inside of me of some kind of repercussions from you coming from parts of me or parts of my Metasoul. I’d like to check in to see who that might be.

Martin: I know, I’m definitely a piece of that, Raphael. I’ve held some hesitations about this whole idea of direct connection with you, Demiurge, as the Demiurge, rather than as the Christian God, in Christian surrender and obedience. I’m completely blown out of the water with all this. I’ve always felt fear of repercussions from ‘God’. When Rhodes told his truth, he spoke a truth from way down inside of me that I’ve never allowed to see the light of day. It scared part of me to feel that Rhode’s truth was my truth.

What I also know is that I used the conviction of being right with God as a powerful self-righteous superiority to bolster and bypass my own inner parts of myself that have never known real worth or real power. I see that I lived in fear of God as a small price to pay for having power over others. My god, to feel that I spawned a whole historic movement with my fear and my invalidated parts of myself is almost too much to bear. If only I could have seen this without needing the mirror of an entire denomination and 500 years to show it to me, and to the world?!

Raphael: Wow, what a revelation, Martin! From ‘the just shall live by faith’ to this. Wow. Let’s make space for other reactions and we will find the space to digest all of these together. Who else has reactions to Rhode’s words or to Demiurge’s words?

Arthur: I feel like I don’t deserve to be a part of this, having waffled between posturing to appease the Christians and posturing to appease what I knew to be real in Avalon, but couldn’t claim it,…didn’t claim it. I am very surprised to feel this unfolding to say the least. This changes history so much. I’d very much like to somehow change my history. I’m very sorry, as well. I was wrong. I’d like to be forgiven also.

Raphael: Metatron, feels like your turn? 🙂

Metatron: Thank you, Raphael. This changes everything. What was real before, is no longer real. There is remorse, now plain to see and feel. There were roles to play that have now completed. Remorse is the alchemy that births out the change. All that is required to right a wrong is to feel what there is to feel. Find and feel the part of you who did what it did and why it did what it did. You’ll find all the compassion needed for yourself and for those around you. Forgiveness begins with self forgiveness. When you forgive yourself, others forgive you. When others hold grudges, they are mirroring to you your own inability to forgive yourself.

Raphael: That’s so awesome to feel, Metatron.

Metatron: Isn’t it? I must admit, I got it from you, though. When we can see our makeup of parts of ourselves, we can go so many places we haven’t gone before.

Rhodes: I can so feel this about my own anger at ‘God’. A part of me was punishingly angry at myself for using my godlike powers for lesser things, to be smaller than I was, to cow down to other gods. I so couldn’t see any way out of this loop and so in turn projected the anger outwards. I feel in the moment, Demi, if I can call you that, how my anger at you was anger at myself. I’m sorry for that.

Demiurge: (gentle tears) Thank you, Rhodes. I don’t think you know this, but I always looked up to you like a god, and now I know some of why I did that. I’ve wanted to shed a skin for as long as I’ve existed, but felt it just wasn’t moving, would never move, and so I accepted it as the fate of the gods, to be this lesser god. I see you shedding this skin of your own, being born anew, Rhodes. I’d like nothing more than to experience the same. I’m sorry for the limitations I held for myself and for you. And yes, I can very much use a new name. Demi sounds good to me.

Rhodes: (also in gentle tears) You were the God, we couldn’t inhabit, couldn’t accept ownership of. We all created you, worshipped you and tried to hide our resentments of you at the same time. We really fucked ourselves up doing that. I’m sure, Metatron and Raphael have a metaphysical explanation for why we’d do such a fucked up thing, that helps us feel it as being part of the love we are, but in this moment, it feels really fucked up.

Demi: Fuck! I have never actually used that word. Not once before. That felt really good. Fuck! I have a lot to let go of and a lot to embrace, but somehow, I can feel in this space surrounded in all of your energy how this can all flow naturally and in time.

Raphael: Wow, Rhodes, you turned God into a foul mouth. I don’t mean to make light of something so profound, but this is the lightest proundundity I’ve ever felt. There’s deep coming home to self that feels so easy, and beautiful and natural. There isn’t any right way all of this is ‘supposed’ to be. There is deep sorrow and joy in the same space. There are deeper layers to feel for sure, but I feel they will come for us personally and collectively as we digest this. You just can’t make this stuff up, can you, and yet, that’s just what we did, didn’t we? I’m at a loss for any more words right now.

Does anyone else want to say anything for the record today?

Andy: I do.

Raphael: Yea, Andy. What say you?

Andy: I can feel there’s a whole lot of fun ahead. I so get that we need to feel these big pieces, but I feel oceans of fun and discovery that are waiting for us all to come out and play.

Raphael: I can only imagine, Andy.

Andy: I want to do more than imagine, Raphael, but imagining is a good place to start. It will take us there.

Raphael: You’ve got my vote, Andy. How about some breakfast, some new scenery and more connection soon?

Andy: I’m liking it.

Raphael: Thank you, everyone. What a new world we just entered. Let’s digest and be back soon.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.