Category: Trauma Healing

Initiation As A Rite Of Embodied Self-Realization

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

We are always in phases of initiation whether we consciously choose them or not. The cycles of initiation lead us to Realization. We may spend years in a cycle until we are ready to graduate and move on to integration, only to be met by another cycle of initiation.

The Initiations are varied, specific to your soul needs and wounding. Crucibles arise when we are ready to fully embody the lessons of the initiation itself. We face intimacy initiations, leadership initiations, truth-telling, boundary, and courage initiations. All of them meant to challenge our way to the next level of our growth and maturation as an ego and a soul.

Sometimes we choose our initiations and sometimes they choose us, all orchestrated by the soul. These are meant for the parts, or Metasoul aspects, of us still stuck in a suffering loop or pattern. These loops are centered around something usually very traumatic which makes it that much harder to go into to heal free from.

The emotional body is where you may find the biggest anchors, the largest obstacles to these graduations and self-realizations. We can all achieve temporal states of bliss and Oneness, but the bigger plan is to fully EMBODY Samadhi in the physical. To be walking, conscious Divinity in the Now.

So from here to there, we have work to do. Things to feel, trauma and fear to heal, desires to express, and dreams to manifest. We have initiations to attend to, graduations to celebrate, and integrations to soak in. This is a journey, not a rocket launch. Yet the more you let in what the heart and soul needs and wants, and walk out those initiations with self-care, the faster the healing and shifts can occur.

As has been said many times, it is not the product but the process, and that process is Initiation.

For more about the SoulFullHeart Process and Paradigm, I highly recommend Jelelle Awen’s new book, Free To Be 5D. Visit soulfullheart.org/books for more info.

There will also be a 6-week Zoom call series about the book beginning next Wednesday, July 15. For more info go to soulfullheart.org/freetobe5dgroupcallseries

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Ahimsa: Healing The Inner Violence To Feel Our Non-Violence

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

Ahimsa. It is a Sanskrit word that means “non-injury” or “non-violence”. In my recent process of diving into sexual and emotional trauma as a young boy and teen, I have been able to access the more innocent and essential aspect of me.

This In-Essence, I am calling it, is so very sensitive yet strong and enduring. When I tap into it, I feel how much violence I have learned to be with this life, and many others. This is true for all of us when we get to this very kernel of our Being. When I go outside, I am aware of the violence all around. Things that I would not have deemed as violent before. Sounds, words, actions, thoughts, energies, etc.

Now, going down that awareness road could lead me to just hold up in a cave somewhere and never come out. Of course, that is not what I want (well, maybe a part of me would be okay with that for a short time). What I want to feel is how I can practice Ahimsa in each moment with myself, with Other, and with the World.

The first thing for me is to be aware of the violence within and hold it with compassion. From a SoulFullHeart perspective this violence can come in the form of an Inner Punisher and/or our inner unworth. One parcels out the violence the other acquiesces to it. Holding space for both brings them into relationship, into forgiveness, and into healing.

The more we can heal the violence and unworthiness within, the more we become aware of what is not Ahimsa for us in each moment. That which did not seem violent yesterday may seem much more so tomorrow. The thoughts we have, the things we eat, the way we eat, the way we have sex, the way we talk, the things we say, the feelings we have, the expression or suppression that ensue. The list goes on.

It is Consciousness loving Itself in the most subtle of ways. Compassion is the bridge that takes us there. We cannot find ourselves in a vacuum devoid of violence but we can choose what we are a part of and/or how we respond to situations. Ahimsa becomes a momentary mediation on Love, just as much as holding the part of us that doesn’t feel it has ever really known it or deserves it.

Take a moment to be still and feel Ahimsa. Feel what is not. There the healing begins.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Waves Of Awakening Into Love With Love

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Solais

Love pops you open sometimes.
You cry tears you didn’t know were there.
You lose track of what your mind once thought was important.
You start feeling more than efforting anything.


The flow begins and the changes take hold.
The choices made bring you closer to what your soul has wanted all along,
Even in the karma trauma that comes up to be felt between yourself and others.

When love pops you open
You know it’s love because you feel held
You feel like shit but you feel like you’re finding your way
Even in some small way.

And then you feel,
Slowly but surely,
How much more you now have to offer yourself and the world
Because you weren’t afraid of love popping you open.

And so,
Love thanks you.
Love celebrates all of it with you.
And you bring in more conscious connections of real love,
Held and expressed with others
Who have experienced the same.

Together, then
You flow and feel
And heal
And offer healing
And in all of this
There is always more to experience of love’s expansive gifts
And the forever of being Divine without force, bypassing,
Or overly giving to others while forgetting
And even celebrating
your own deep desires
And love-supported needs.

Love,
Kalayna Solais

***

Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Reclaiming The Lost Boy Of Our In-essence

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

As a sensitive boy growing up, I could feel so much around me yet had no real guidance on how to interpret, digest, and integrate it all. This is really true for most if not all of us. The biggest piece I am revisiting now is the depth of my sexual trauma as a boy moving into manhood.
Confronted with so many images, energies, and conditionings around sex and sexuality, this boy in me found himself between a rock and a hard place (pardon the pun). There was the desire for innocence to be the name of the game. To dance with the essence in both the boy and the girl. Like a journey of discovery and playfulness.

Instead it was about fitting in to the dominant culture of woundedness. Girl became an object of my need to be validated as a man in the world. Her yoni a portal back into the womb of The Mother. But Girl was wounded too. She was looking for her own needs to be filled…so to speak
Now Boy is caught between fulfilling the needs of both the wounded masculine in his power over the feminine and the wounded feminine in her need to feel some hook into the masculine. Both invulnerable and unable to really see each other in their innocence or in-essence.

I reconnected with that boy in me again and replayed those days while feeling the innocence in contrast. The pain of what this boy packed away in order to survive in that world was heart-wrenching. I could feel the toxicity and pain swelling in my cells. All of the trauma that I never categorized as trauma because men don’t do that in what is just ‘those teenage years’.
If, as men, we were to really feel where we lost our innocence, we would really get to a core of who we are as a man. Why we have done, and to some degree still do, the things that we do. If we can ‘come to Jesus’ with this Lost Boy inside of us, we would find the root and beauty of our masculine innocence. Something we packed away a long fucking time ago.

In that innocence we also find the warrior who has fiercely protected him. The warrior who has both shadow to heal and truth to tell. Between them both is the Man who has a vulnerable heart and a willingness to call bullshit when he sniffs it. He is willing put his heart on the line but not his power. He is willing to seek forgiveness but not condemnation.

There has been no greater process for me than the one I am currently in. This Lost Boy in found again in my heart. I am loving him with every once of it that I have access to. It is my current sacred bromance. It is this process that activates and unearths more of my King or Sacred Sovereign Masculine Self. It is this process that leads me to more self-love and ability to see, feel, and relate authentically to the feminine within and without.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Gatekeeper As An Essential Part Of Our Awakening And Ascension

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

The timeline gates have widened. Gaia is continuing Her ascent. Love is doing its Work. It is not pretty or neat. It is real. What has been in Shadow is coming to the Surface. It will continue to do so. There is no more ‘normal’. There only navigation, surrender, and self-love. As chaotic as it appears, it is necessary so we can find ourselves again.

The ‘past’ is finding its way to the present. That ‘past’, or other timelines, are weaving in and out of each of our fields. A great final act is underway. So how can you navigate all of this intensity and increased Love Bath at the same time?

The Gatekeeper is an aspect that holds many keys to our emotional and spiritual healing and ascension. It is the Purveyor and Guardian of your deepest traumas and gifts, both. Through access and relationship with the aspect of you, you get a wider view of what is going on inside and outside of you. How does your soul story relate to what is happening now? Where does all the pain, fear, anxiety, depression come from?

This is where your Gatekeeper can be a guide alongside your humanity. Many times we can fuse to this energy and it is INTENSE! More than our human bodies and hearts can handle at times. A deeper connection and separation from them can help to feel your sovereign self among the chaos.

I made the top image below to represent what a Gatekeeper may feel like to some. This is how he came to me in the beginning stages of my process. With much work and inner process he has changed quite a bit to a more angelic presence. They do, and can, hold many varied frequencies. For more info on this aspect you can read this great article here:https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/gatekeepers

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Humanity’s Return To Innocence

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Solais

Believe it or not… and I’ll bet parts of you feel skeptical (and reasonably so) right now. Yet, I’ve been offered that a huge aspect of the process we’re in right now on Gaia is a great ‘Return to Innocence’. It’s not a simple process by any means. Yet laid out for us, it is. And invited into it deeper, we are.

This ‘innocence’ means seeing and feeling the world through the eyes of wonder and trust, even though there may be tears sometimes when you feel what is burning away in your own life and in the lives of others. Actually, this innocence means there is a renewed sense of your own heart’s purity, which despite the trauma you’ve experienced, remains deep within you. This is what you return to when you’ve healed through so many of the defences parts of you have needed throughout your life. This is the place you interact with others from more than ever before when the younger parts of you who are now much wiser because of life experience but not bitter (anymore) are able to feel this innocence within themselves.

Even all of the purging going on with Cabal, illuminating collective darkness and shadow so that we can dig deeper and move away from this timeline of suppression of love and truth (which can’t ultimately BE suppressed really), is leading us back to our innocence. These darker energies that have influenced and held the larger spaces of politics and fame and even spirituality, are loosening their grip and returning to their own reconciliation within. To meet and match these energies and defend against them as well, parts (especially your Inner Protector) and Metasoul aspects in other timelines have had to adapt and defend, become fiercer than they truly are or want to be, and forget about their realest vulnerabilities and the core of their heart’s desires. This is leading us through a BIG detox of what has NOT been us, individually and collectively, and is challenging us to feel our hearts again.

It may seem sometimes during this purging process that things are getting worse… but when it comes to toxicity, quite often things get worse before they get better. Storms happen before rainbows. And even rainbows happen sometimes while the sky is still clearing of rain and clouds. So it is that our innocence, our Divine Child light, can still find ways to shine through, even though there is still so much churning in the world.

It’s a deep, many-layered process. As I feel my own empowerment in my own process to feel all of this emerging in my own being, I feel how much work it’s taken to get to a space of feeling more of my innocence again. More of the desire to genuinely and heartfully connect, to bring vulnerability even when it feels iffy to do so, is able to emerge now. I can feel this as a new form of leadership that gets to arise now from within me and invite others to find the same within. It’s worth all of the shadow processing to get here and I trust too that this feeling of my own ‘Return To Innocence’ will help hold the space for any more shadow explorations that follow.

And so it can and will be for you… if you keep choosing the curiosity, the inner work, and the desire to hold space for yourself and others as we continue this transition to the most ALIVE-feeling life that we could ever have imagined.

***

Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

New Moon In Gemini: Releasing The Trauma Bond

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

What a new moon portal today! The last few days have been intense to say the least. I have become aware, through my deep dive sessions with Raphael, of a particular trauma bond that has existed inside of me between me and my sister even as I have not been in contact with her for over seven years.

My sister and I were born very close apart. When many people met us they thought we were twins at first glance. What I am realizing is that this twin recognition came from an energetic bond between us that I am learning has visitation and abduction trauma built in, as well as many lifetimes in one form of relation or another.

I have come to the realization that this bonded trauma created a pairing between us. A contract that we would forever be in each other’s life so that we would not feel the depths of the trauma. Well, I broke the physical contract years ago, but the etheric contract remained.

I was offered to connect to my sister’s higher self and let her know that I was no longer going to hold my end of the bond anymore as it is time for me to go into the galactic and soul wounding that had kept us in a bind. I have recognized how much of this has effected my relationships with women, as it served as a protection and a projection of wound and care-taking.

I have been so focused on healing the Mom wound that I finally found the more subtle sister layer that was out of my awareness due to the depth of the trauma that it was founded on. I am reaching the edges of my galactic wounding that has alluded me for most of this life until this came into view.

What came to me is that this may be true for many of us at this time. Not so specifically from brother to sister, but any bond between two people that has deep roots in trauma. This can be especially true for twin flames. The New Moon energies in Gemini feel to be highlighting this twin dynamic for those that are meant to see it right now.

The trauma bond is something that is hard to let go of as it has such a long history. I had deep tears that I couldn’t place many times today but I could get a sense that this trauma bond was leaving my field and it is almost like losing an essential part of your being that you didn’t really know was there!

The release and detox of this bond feels like a shedding of a skin. It can be a hard process, but when held in sacred space it feels like the most important part of our ascension. I can feel during this time how there is a collective trauma bond exhibited by the fear of this virus. As we clear our own inner trauma bonds, the less energy is added to the collective and thus helps to move the needle one more step toward Love.

I also feel how this will help me to let in sacred romance on a much deeper level that I have not previously been able to transact due to this energy in my being. Quite a remarkable ride the last couple of days. I hope that this provides some insight into your own relationships to see where there may be these contracts that may need a deeper release in order to bring in the Love that we ALL are here to experience.

Much love on this New Moon evening.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

“You Are Moving Into Love’s Reply To The Darkness” – Yeshua

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

by Raphael Awen

Raphael – Yeshua, this is Raphael. I’d sure like to ask your take on this Corona Virus reaction around our planet.

Yeshua – Hey, Raphael. Thanks for asking, but what is your question more specifically?

R – I feel how surreal this all feels for me personally. I feel parts of me wanting to stay ahead and be in the know of what’s really going on, and I feel reality itself being changed on so many levels. I feel hope for a true new world order of things and yet, I also feel how deep the conditioning goes around living under the taken-for-granted oppression that has been here my entire lifetime. How do you see all of this from where you are?

Y – I say ‘pinch yourself’ man! This is real. It is what has been longed for, for so long. The longing is and was part of the manifestation, so was the suffering and the deep darkness – all of it is connected and vital and all of it is love’s awakening journey. Love couldn’t be known, not to itself and not to an other, were it not for fear and what is called evil. Evil itself, and harm originated when love birthed both duality and other out of its original state of oneness. Love needed both contrast and ‘other’ to know itself.

R – It was hard to type those words just now, that harm and evil originated from love. I can’t see that being very popular of a message, Yeshua. Aren’t we intended to right the wrongs, to stand for the good, and oppose hate, fear and harm?

Y – Raphael. You were birthed into duality and individuality out of oneness, but you never were separated from love in the process, it only felt like that, understandably so. The great fall was a fall in perception, yet all too real at the same time. The great awakening is equally an awakening in perception, that similarly creates a new reality.

R – But Yeshua, the pain, especially to the innocent children feels so off the charts, so evil…

Y – The children are the greatest testament and trigger to the awakening – there are so many tears that are needing to be cried and cried.

R – I recall the text where you told the disciples ‘Suffer not the little children to come unto me, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.’

Y – Heaven has registered every last price paid in this awakening journey of love itself to itself. The children, like we all were, and yet are still at heart, are heaven’s biggest debtors and creditors both. Those who have suffered the most will know the greatest fullness and all will be forgotten and forgiven. Their debt will not and does not go unacknowledged. It simply cannot. When ‘evil’ makes a stride, it invites love to meet it. You are moving into love’s reply to the darkness that has held a long and deep hold.

R – So it’s like then, the evil or harm is the agent of love, the agent that calls love forward?

Y – This is so new to feel, and even new to me, so don’t feel bad. I had a big deal investment into fighting the evil for a long time too, until I no longer did. It’s a big, big piece to awaken to, but when you do, it changes the foundation of everything. It’s all love. There is no evil in the sense of something separate from love.

R – …but there’s still big contrast…

Y – …bigger than ever…

R – …in this heightened drama of duality

Y – …where love is wanting to complete what it started, where love IS completing what it started, where love itself is suffering, where love is birthing an expansion of itself, a reconciliation to itself, and you get to watch it all, and be a part of it all….and even more, You are this unfolding. It’s all you.

R – You’re like too much sometimes, but in a good way.

Y – I’ll take that as a compliment then.

R – Thanks, Yeshua. You always help so much!

Y – Good! Stay in touch!

R – I will!

~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Demonstrate Trust By Admitting Your Fear

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

by Raphael Awen

My easiest access point of connection to self, other and the Divine is the owning of my fears, my needs, my confusion. Anything else is a stress-filled, very tall-order-kind of posturing and hiding. In my weakness, I am strong, and in my strength, I am weak.
When the collective rumbles and activates the resolve of its deeper shadows with these Coronavirus playouts and reactions, it’s going to activate something for each of us to feel and be faced with personally, no matter how attained (and beyond fear reactivity) I might consider myself to be. We all created this together and I don’t actually have an option to not participate. I do however get to choose the set of my heart-sail.

In this time of business as unusual, I get to demonstrate my trust by admitting my fear. I get to access love by deeply feeling and admitting my fear of its loss, and how that fear shows up. I get to connect with you around owning the weakness of my fear of connecting with you and then wanting to disconnect from you.

I am love out learning its way. I am the Divine out divining. Fear, panic, hatred, anxiety, shadow, and even the darkest and most despised acts of suppression and violence are a part of the Divine learning of itself, and come from the Divine, which I AM. There is no battle of good vs. evil except the one we create in our own minds and reality because of our disowned fears. What we call evil is only and nothing more than love’s opportunity. All evil wants to finds its way back to the full embodied remembrance of love, from where it was born and to which it is in process of returning, while never having lost its essence of love. Love birthed everything. Consciousness is finding its way through you as you trans-parent it with your transparency.

If this wild picture of reality is true, then how does that apply to the current news cycle and where you are right now? It offers you the courage and opportunity to feel your deepest fears that up till now have in all likelihood been off your radar, understandably. It offers you the opportunity to feel, admit, and be nourished by and because of your deepest need for love with self, other and the Divine.

You get to cry the uncried tears of many lifetimes that you’ve never cried before.

Now you get to feel like the real champion you’ve always wanted to feel like. Now you get to all that you’ve so longed to become.

~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Feeling What You REALLY Want And Need During These Turbulent Times

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

by Raphael Awen

When the rumble of the collective fear of death goes viral through the collective by the aid of a media-hyped and created event, we do well to feel each and every part of us that resonates with that rumble.

Trying instead to stay ‘high-vibe and positive’ invariably proves to be an exercise in denial and lying to oneself and others if we are not willing to be honest about the parts of us that actually are freaked out if they in fact are. You can’t stay high-vibe if you aren’t there already, and you can’t get to high-vibe if you’ve denied yourself a way to feel the parts of you who are low-vibe at the moment.

You were given a range of vibes for a divine creator reason and as a divine creator. That reason becomes very obscured and flattened when you are only permitting one polarity to live in you. What good is a piano with only the high notes?

What this Coronavirus actually is in terms of any real threat and in what scale is something that will only be known in hindsight. What is real is the fear that you feel that is kicked up by the story that is being spread far and wide. Our collective is so long overdue for a collective bowel movement and this one may well be one big dump, one that relieves so much. We’ve all had a hand in creating this need.

Because we are all one in a higher level of reality, we also do well to feel what this collective shift in consciousness is opportuning us to feel personally.

When I feel parts of myself, I feel aspects of me that want the future to be safe and bright and exciting and alive. I feel the parts of me that want purpose and engagement, as well as creature comforts. All of these goodies are threatened by the looming Coronavirus story – asking me to pare down my desires and settle for the story of the goal of survival. I feel the parts of me that aren’t yet assured of a bright and exciting future and wonder if we shouldn’t just settle for an outlook of mitigating disaster rather than full-on thrival.
Now grounded in what’s real in the inside, I get to actually process and create movement inside of myself from fear to love. I couldn’t actually get to the love were it not for the fear as my starting place.

And I also can’t get to the love I’m needing when I’m spending all my time staying up on the agenda of the Dark Illuminati/Cabal/Black Hats versus the Alliance/Q-anon picture of things as a way to distract myself from what’s really going on inside of me to me.

And when I don’t actually get to the love I’m needing and wanting, my vibe is invariably lower, I’m broadcasting that vibe as a reality generator to those around me before I utter a word or take an action. In other words, your and my greatest service to others begins and ends with the greatest service to self. ‘Selfishness’ isn’t a bad word at all in 5D.

Whoever gave us the ‘service to self’ versus ‘service to other’ dichotomy was still living in the reality that there is actually any separation between self and other. This is the old picture of separation of spirit and matter, the separation of good and evil, the battle for supremacy that is being found more and more to be the root of all conflict inside and outside. There isn’t actually a ‘whoever’ to blame here; we gave that picture to ourselves as a way to live our way to and through a movement of our reality.

We are this big, and our lessons are this epic! We get to do this and we get to do it as a collective and as individuals at the same time.

Allow what you really want, feel, and need, without denial, to guide you through these waters.

I’d be delighted to help you through your personal rumbles if what I’m sharing resonates for you. More here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@renebbernal

~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.