Tag: awakening

Ascending At The Pace Of Your Growing Self-Love

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

Sometimes it’s the baby steps that bring you the most into yourself and into healing, not to mention into an opening-out consciousness that expands and expands. There can be so much pressure coming from inside, especially perhaps from Inner Punisher parts of you, who like to sometimes make things seem as if they ‘should have’ been done yesterday, which is so based on deep conditioning taken in from being raised in a capitalist culture, where the wounded masculine rules and the RULES are what matter, not the heart, not the motive, not the roots of anything or anybody…

I feel to talk about taking smaller steps into our Ascension today, because even though in a way everything is being accelerated, it can feel at times like you are moving at a snail’s pace or barely moving at all. In fact, this judgment is one that comes from inside of you… from parts of you that are actually quite afraid of the natural momentum of it all and are having a push-pull experience, with some parts of you wanting Ascension and others not, and all for very good reasons too. If we feel a need to move faster, expand bigger, reach higher, and all in a way that goes beyond our current limits (self-imposed or not) we aren’t being self-loving and the boomerang effect of then needing to go back and redo or reinhabit different life phases along the way that parts of us have tried to skip is often in order as result. Ascension invites us to love ourselves into deep change that starts WITHIN and moves from the inside, out… not the outside, in. It invites us to let in the ways in which love has NOT been on the inner agenda and other energies have been settled for instead, especially in our relationships to each other and our relationship to ourselves and our parts.

There is no ideal pace in this ongoing process and in fact it feels like it is quite different for everyone. As you continue your inner healing, the anchors to 3D let go one by one in self-loving ways… the inner walls are dismantled brick by brick, while being held and honoured for all they have been needed to protect and keep sacred inside. As this all heals and lets go, the hot air balloon begins to more powerfully move us upward into organically arising moments of expansion in our consciousness and awareness of our multi-dimensionality!

There are so many ways and opportunities we are given to ‘pop’ into a new awareness or awakening experience. Some experience this in tremendous moments of momentum and others’ souls opt for the ‘drip line’ experience, where awakenings occur in some doses and in a way that is easy to digest. Some will have a mixed-bag in their ongoing process, as has been the case for me. Yet it all needs to be self-lovingly integrated or parts of you will go off the rails quite literally, which in some cases is actually what’s needed, yet the more self-loving we can be with this integration and the more tenderly we can hold our precious parts in the process, the better.

In a way, we actually owe it to parts of us, whose worlds we have dismantled and reassembled in many ways as we experience Ascension and deep healing processes, to really BE with them in all of this and give them the space to breathe around what they have experienced and what is being shaken up for them. Parts of you are what have made you, YOU… they have given you the gifts of personality and their increased sense of rest is what helps bring them back in, into integration with your heart and soul, which is ultimately not a part but an arising BEingness that can continue ascending in an authentic and ever-expanding way.

No matter if we choose the baby steps or the giant leaps, we are invited to feel ourselves, to be as self-loving as we can be in every moment, and to feel what that even means through a process of being with what HASN’T been the most self-loving response to life (or love!) inside of us. No matter what we choose, we are on a trajectory of healing and returning to the love that we are, so why not find ways to embrace every step, every part we encounter along the way, and find the fountain of self-love, reverence and appreciation that we are being pointed to on our very individual and powerful journeys?

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Awakening To Your Self-Worth Healing Process Within

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

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Perhaps the deepest, most powerful, most emotional and yet also the most spiritual awakening we can have, is to how our self-worth has been measured within.

We were given these measuring tools by a culture fraught with pain and unworthiness. We were led here by caregivers and confidants, mentors and leaders. We were messaged from birth (in this life and other lives too) that our worth is dependent, conditional, finite, and above all, quantifiable. We are told subliminally, unconsciously, that we need to have, be, do, say, many different things that aren’t authentically us in our hearts. We are a species in incredible pain that goes deep. Even if you seem to consciously be choosing to ignore this inside of you, it’s still there. It lingers and pricks. It perks up when the opportunity comes, when it is safe enough to truly awaken to it, feel it, make space for it to continue arising.

It doesn’t matter how often some others may tell you, ‘there is nothing wrong with you’, when there is so much living in the buried basement of your heart’s cries for love, for a connection with All-That-Is, to genuinely feel One again with yourself, with the Divine, with everyone around you. Our separation and abandonment wounding lives fathoms deep inside of us and our parts. It lives and breathes within, it pops up whenever it can, and it does certainly inform your daily experience of life.

To truly find and feel our worth again, we must be willing to feel through the process of it… to be with the parts of us, the pain, the anguish, and the anxiety which all make up our experience of not truly having our worth intact. The fact is that we could never lose our worth… yet to deeply feel it and live from it is a whole other choice that involves feeling what ISN’T it and making room to feel all there is to feel about that.

To be in this process is to slowly begin to come home to yourself in a way you’ve never imagined. And once you get there, you realize that the light was left on for you by your soul and your infinite Divine connection that never left you. YOU truly ARE the love you and your parts have been searching, waiting, aching for. And when this can really be let in, nothing else matters but making sure that you have the things, people, relationships, intentions, that truly reflect this worth and love back to you. It is worth all of the inner-mining and the years of deep-diving within. It is worth it because YOU’RE worth it and the love you are meant to serve is worth it too. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Loving Your Ego Into Healing, Letting Go, And Surrender

Published on by Jelelle Awen4 Comments
By Jelelle Awen
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I just read something online that offered, “Ego death is an ongoing battle. A constant war from within that you must be vigilant about.” I feel sadness when I read words such as these and feel the energy where they come from. I feel them coming from a place of, indeed, inner battling. That means there is yet another part inside that will not get the love that they are SO wanting and needing. Instead, they will be labeled by another part (usually what we call the Inner Punisher) as ‘ego’ and they will be battled, punished, judged.
 
All this battling inside just leads to MORE battling…how could it lead to anything else? To feel something as ‘coming from ego’ is not about the identification of that as much as it is what your relationship is to what you discover. Are you being loving toward the energy that you define as your ego? Are you feeling compassionate toward it? Are you feeling curious about the WHYs of your egos existence? Are you feeling open to FEEL what the deepest pains and hurts of what you are calling your ego have been?
 
Why would you treat this ‘ego’ inside with any less love than you would energies that you identify as spiritual or higher consciousness or coming from your soul? Wouldn’t this ‘ego’ actually need MORE love in order to heal? In order to let go of fear? In order to BEcome something more Divine in its expression?
 
To truly awaken into the embodiment of your sacred humanity is to no longer go to battle with any energies inside of yourself from this life and from your Metasoul/other lifetimes as well. This takes process, time, and healing of many layers that WANT to go to battle and just are used to it from inside of you. The inner battlefields and frontlines are the ones that cause the most damage to your worthiness growth, to the expression of your BIGness, to your capacity and ability to serve love and your passion purpose expression.
 
Appreciating what your ‘ego’ has had to do to survive, to help you survive, is what allows these energies to let go. This is what allows the growing trust in the Divine that allows for surrender, to detach from self image. Any places where you are responding with ‘going to war’ are places inside of you that don’t get to receive your love…and these are usually the parts of you that need it the MOST.
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We offer a process for identifying, separating from, and integrating ego or 3D Self parts and energies with LOTS of self love, leading to unification and wholeness. Go to link above to read about our free intro session.
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Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more!

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Current Energies Invite The Collective Into An Emerging 4D Reality

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

Earth-Magnetic-Field

 

It feels like there is much discomfort emerging now, in different ways. There is a sense of these energies leading up to the Super-Blue-Blood Moon, that they are rumbly, shaking the well-known ground within and around us, moving us to new places of desire, new places of growth, re-awakening us in short yet intense tremors to what we came here to do, be, offer. The configuration of our lives as we have known them is being shifted now, shaken up WITH these energies in collaboration with our souls and hearts. For many, it could be a time of crisis, where realizations of true soul purpose and reason for being here are uncovered and initial steps, which can be quite painful in some ways, are inhabited in order to fulfill this purpose and calling. This phase feels so like the chrysalis, as Jelelle Awen has been offering. The phase just before the emergence of a brand new butterfly. So much congestion in the bodies, spiritual, physical, emotional, even astral, are all intensifying as they clear now, and all are asking us to continue looking and working inward, wrapping ourselves and our parts in love, being in the process of letting in and trusting love again.

It’s a continuous map of birth canals, this Collective experience of 4D reality landing in all of us more and more. We need these birthing pains so that we can feel the Love holding it all. We are finding our way through the inner mazes, opening up to shifts, feeling the press of that which still needs to be felt, healed, shifted inside.  We are being invited into patience with this process, as the Divine has infinite patience for it too. Layer by layer, contraction after contraction, we have so much still to feel and let in. So many reflections of ourselves, our parts, who we/parts of us have chosen to be throughout different phases of our lives, and we are awakening evermore to the feeling that there’s so much more we CAN and WILL be.

The brevity and gravity that has been 3D reality… the pain, the anguish, the abuses suffered… these bear down on parts of us until they start to feel, led by a growing YOU, that they are worth so much more. This is a much more challenging process than repeating affirmations, though I do not wish or feel to knock that if this is needed, as there is, of course, huge power in positive thoughts. Yet we all need to continue watching for any overriding of the pain within. The pain will move and heal with love and attention, as it is meant to. There is a lot of trust needed for this process to truly take hold, and that in and of itself is a process that cannot be bypassed, for there are so many reasons that parts of us have, especially our Inner Protectors, to not trust anything or anyone, let alone Love itself…

As our congestions clear in all bodies, we begin to breathe new air. We begin to let in more love, more self-worth, more sense of compassion towards ourselves, our parts, and towards others too. We move through what has been painful to feel, being with the congestion for a while, until it clears with love and care. With purpose and desire. With discernment in this 4D phase where the 3D reality continues to fall away and embracement of new paths, new ways of thinking and being are knocking at our heart doors. The collective awakening is here, rippling through in dynamic waves, and there is much to navigate, yet the Ark built in your heart is the one that will see you through it all. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

The Leading And Trailing Edges Of Our Awakenings

Published on by Kasha Rosa3 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

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Each and every time you have an awakening experience, though they are coveted and desired and often long-awaited and worked for, these experiences also carry you into a greater unknown. The whole idea of awakening is to shake something up inside, whether it moves your frequency up or drops back in inward into parts of you that need you more than ever. Sometimes awakening experiences bring us both in tandem. Sometimes we call this, ‘leading edge’ and ‘trailing edge’ in SoulFullHeart. ‘Leading edge’ is the experience of true and pure love awakening and deepening inside and feeling your actions, words, expression of you coming from a higher, less reactive and more expansive place, and ‘trailing edge’ is the opposite, or what can feel like the opposite; the parts of you coming up in reaction to the expansion, trying to close the gap between it and them, sometimes flooding you with their lower frequency wounding and reality. The main bridge between the two is consciousness, awareness that this can and will happen and that your job as an arising authentic self is to be an ambassador between the two, not negating or dismissing one or the other, yet bringing them together somehow and letting the newfound expansiveness inside to become the bigger container for the smallness, the pain, the existential terror.

I remember being quite young and awakening to angelic frequencies and love. My birth mother had given me a gift that Christmas of my first deck of Angel cards. They were simple yet sweet, not created by any well-known author or speaker. I was in my early teens at that time, or just about anyways. I remember playing with them, exploring them, reading the little book they came with. I did as the book instructed and asked a question I believe, or simply asked for guidance. I did a little spread of the cards and picked them up to read the other side. The messages that came through hit a chord of resonance inside my heart and soul, both. I felt a rush of energy move through me and suddenly felt Angels, what I called ‘my’ Angels, surrounding and encouraging me. The love I felt was so exquisite, I believe I even had tears… I remember too, that the book suggested dowsing as another method of reading the cards. I grabbed a necklace of mine with a small ring on it – a ring that had a nickname of mine etched into it and was too small for me to wear, so I had put it on the chain instead. I held it out in front of me, above my palm, to ‘tune it in’, asking it which direction it would turn in to mean ‘yes’ and which way would mean ‘no’. To my surprise, oh my God, it MOVED!! Woah!! The rush of adrenaline and excitement that followed I can’t explain in words, but it felt so powerful and I felt so powerful to be holding this tool in my hand!

After this happened, I ran to tell my mother and sister about what I had experienced. Part of me felt a bit shy about sharing, slightly worried about it being invalidated, but too excited to let that in at the time. I shared with them and my heart sank… there was an ounce of validation from my mother, who was exploring some areas of spirituality outside of the Catholic church I grew up in along with me, yet she couldn’t let it in deeply and didn’t ask any questions about it. My sister just sort of looked at me, I recall. I think she said something like, ‘that’s cool’. As my first experience of an awakening, without having much knowledge of what awakenings even were at the time, this sort of set the tone for any of my other awakenings that followed. I do not fault either of them for their reactions… their parts weren’t sure what to do with any of this and they probably both had fear and maybe even comparison come up. What I was doing was not ‘normal’ and I think it actually reflected their own capacities back to them, which of course parts, especially Inner Protectors/Gatekeepers who are busy trying to navigate the dense 3D world, tend to have big reactions to, as it isn’t exactly safe to be outside the norm in most cases.

Nonetheless, this birthed a whole world of spirituality for me. It validated so much of what I had begun to read about in different books by spiritual authors. I feel a young part of me sharing all of this, as she was the one who primarily ‘drove the bus’ on my spiritual adventures for many years of my life. Eventually, this part and I needed to separate from birth family and many other relationships altogether, as the lack of resonance hurt and also wasn’t serving my continued openings and my desire to deeply heal.

What followed was many years of seeking and searching. Being very naturally emotional and reactive and not having a container for it, no matter what spiritual path I/part of me tried on for size. I came close to some version of ‘parts work’ through one particular author and speaker who I even studied with for a while and this path was what then led me to SoulFullHeart, which I now teach and facilitate today. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to bridge to my emotional world, not try to put it away. And in truth, my parts weren’t ever going to let me do that anyway!

Every awakening I’ve had has been a mixed experience of up and down, sometimes at the same time, as I can feel my emotional body and also the wounding in my soul trying to catch up with the higher frequencies pouring in and watering my heart with so much love and dawning awareness. I invite you to feel where and how your own emotional body needs to catch up to your own awakenings and openings… to feel how your relationships currently surrounding you serve or don’t serve you along the way is an essential part of awakening and growing and healing. Every new vista invites us all to feel deeper where and who we are as well as who we want and need to become. And, they also invite us deeper into love, so we can better serve love, especially to others who truly want and need us to and are ready to let in their own capacity for the same!

Love to you in each and every moment of your awakening journey… know that my love and the love of many go into these places WITH you! ❤

Come explore the 7 Key Areas Of Life with Gabriel Heartman and me in our new vlog series called Practical Ascension! The playlist of all of our videos so far can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNmrHdaQSAvInP1AB__TzXykZythfad8i

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Practical Ascension Vlog Series: Social Area Personal Process Sharings

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri and Gabriel Heartman

In this second video on the social area of life, SoulFullHeart Teachers, Facilitators and Sacred Union mates, Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna Colibri, offer their unique perspective that is based on their own personal processes in this area. They share about the ways in which parts work through SoulFullHeart helped them access and feel their pain and enter into territory of deep healing and awakening. They share about the process of setting boundaries with others and how challenging this can be, especially with birth family.

This can be a tricky ground to navigate and walk out, especially while there are many binds to still be illuminated in the relationship between yourself and others. Having the language and feeling sense of ‘parts of you’ is essential for helping you feel and move through the polarities inside of you in relationship to these different relationships and the many dynamics alive inside of them. Being able to let go of the social connections that do not match or move with you as you continue your Ascension journey is essential for being able to then draw and be in a relationship with soul family and conscious community.
As you continue your Ascension journey of healing and awakening, the social area of life can be one of the biggest, most powerful anchors into 3D reality as parts of you cling to these different relationships that aren’t growing and awakening with you. The journey through this desert land is worth it for the gifts of healing and blooming self love that come out of it, along with the possibility of drawing soul family connections… which it is necessary to make room for inside of you and inside of your life.

If you have any questions or comments, you can leave them in the comment thread on Youtube or find us on Facebook (just look for Kalayna Colibri and/or Gabriel Heartman and/or SoulFullHeart Way Of Life!). You can also email soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

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Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through paypal: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  

Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

DAY 15 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 15, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

In today’s entry, I check in one last time with my guides about the intention to initiate contact with the Demiurge, just before we set out to do just that on our next day.

I invite you to track this series from the beginning if it calls you, so you can be a part of this posse of hearts forming to support this undertaking. It may go down in history and herstory both!

Here is Day 15:

Raphael: Wow, good morning, everyone.

I am feeling a digestion of Sophia’s shift last time.

I am feeling so grateful for each of you and for this journey together. It feels like without intention, we don’t have connection, and I’m feeling how desire and need precedes all of that, like a circle, spiraling in an upward spiral and ascending higher and higher in creative and recreation process.

If the Demiurge was created by the only source of All-That-Is, that is LOVE, then love is always in movement and flow, even while it is the form of the purest stillness at the same time. In this movement, then the purpose and intention of the creation and co-creation of the Demiurge is shifting, or wanting to shift, and this shift is something being felt in us, moved through us. Each of us is being asked to get to know, feel and love our personal shadow, our personal darkness. We are being asked to come to terms with our own personal hell.

What are you all feeling? I’d like to check in with you first, Sophia. It feels good to call you by your new name.

Sophia: Thank you, Raphael. I feel like I have a mantra on my lips that says, ‘I am the bright, bright, bright, light of God’ and each time I repeat it, it’s like a rocket booster that takes me into a cosmic and galactic space feeling the love that truly upholds all things. It’s a bit higher frequency than being here and even being connected to us all here, or to this journey to the Demiurge, but I’m working on integrating it so I can dial all this in together at the same time. Taking on the new name really has opened out new spaces for me to feel into.

Raphael: Okay, I’ll gladly accept being a part of all that! Yumm. Galactic and Cosmic sound pretty close to orgasmic. They can’t be too far away from each other. They do feel a bit removed though from what I was saying earlier about entering our personal hells.

Sophia: If I may, Raphael, I see it that our hell is the portal to our heaven. One has to be just as willing to be present to both. Both are actually a lot to bear, and both take courage and strength to be with.

Raphael: Yes… that feels so true. Thank you, Sophia, lover of wisdom.

Who else? As you check in today, I feel to put this question into the space: ‘How are we feeling about next steps towards contacting the Demiurge?’ We’ve taken our time to get to this next step. I know I have also felt some fogginess creep into my buoyancy about our mission as well; less focus on the purpose and clarity of connecting with the Demiurge. Part of me feels like ‘if I have it so good, why would I want to make this connection with the Demiurge?’ Could it be that we’ve raised our frequency to the place where the Demiurge doesn’t feel that real or important? Has anyone else felt that? Can anyone else help me sort out what I’m feeling?

Metatron: Good Morning, everyone. I can speak to that, Raphael.

Raphael: I knew you could, please…

Metatron: It’s something we all need to feel together. After Sophia took us to the ‘bright, bright, bright, light of God’ territory, as she so beautifully called it and shared it with all of us, thank you, Sophia…it’s natural to feel this just wanting to leave behind any contending with lower frequencies.

We all needed this frequency increase to prepare us for what’s next, but it’s also so tempting to simply leave these lower realms to themselves. This is why we formed a posse of hearts to hold this intention, desire and energy. None of us could have undertaken this journey alone. No one has undertaken this journey before and for good reasons. The Demiurge is born out of the collective, and so it takes a collective to undertake a formal ambassadorship to make connection with him. My deepest awareness in all of this simply is: none of us get to go home, until all of us get to go home. Consciousness is ultimately leaving no one behind. We can all make great strides of growth and change, but each of us will be called upon to assist the ongoing awakening and remembrance, even as it is, at some point, a personal necessity for our own next steps. I feel called to lead and support this, Raphael.

Raphael: Thank you, Metatron. That goes in, deeply. Wow… who else? I’m feeling you have some pieces, Merlin, yes?

Merlin: It feels like we’re at the place where we’ve made all the preparations and all that’s left is to do what we set out to do, and that is simply to reach out to the Demiurge, attempt to make contact and see what happens from there. Another piece to feel here is that we cannot control his willingness to connect with us. Should he choose to simply not respond, we are kind of left feeling like we failed in this mission. I feel this apprehension among us as we get this close now to simply reaching out. Does that feel true for anyone else?

Martin: That feels true for me, for sure, Merlin. The Demiurge, I’ve always known up till now, simply as ‘God’. I can feel how he feels normal and natural being venerated and feared, but I never heard of anyone approaching him with a conviction that his gig is up, and that he’s a false god, like all the rest of the false gods. He even raged about it in the Ten Commandments when he said ‘thou shalt have no other gods before me’. I can only imagine that any willingness on his part to speak with us would be evidence that he’s had some change of heart since all that was put together. If not, I can’t see we have much chance of gaining audience with him.

Merlin: That all feels true, Martin. It also feels like there’s a deeper piece here for you to. Can you feel if that’s true?

Martin: Yes, I can, and thank you for pushing me a bit. I feel how when and if the Demiurge does have a serious change of heart, it shatters so much of my life’s work. Parts of me haven’t fully come to terms with just what I’m participating in here with you all. There will be tons of remorse yet to feel and heal. There is also fear of repercussions from the people. They gave their trust and I accepted it, all too readily I’m feeling now. So much that was built over time, must now come crashing down. When I travel to your dimension and time and feel what a mess the Church is in, under the Demiurge dominion, I so feel how I need to feel a whole bunch inside, just like we’re inviting the Demiurge to feel.

Merlin: Yes, you got it, Martin. A change of heart in the Demiurge makes for a chain reaction in all of his followers, and in all of those who supported his rise to power, and who benefited from his rise to power. This speaks to the deeper hesitancy we are feeling about opening this portal to the Demiurge. The desire to ‘let a sleeping dog lie’ is understandable, but this dog is beginning to wake of his own accord, and the sooner we bridge to him, the sooner we can hold space for a different future than one that is only a shattering without a new reality on the other side. There is much that needs to die and will die, but it is the rebirth that wants to arise out of all these ashes that we can support. We do that by feeling what there is to feel in each of us. Any and all personal remorse, fear of repercussion, all of it. These are the same things that the Demiurge will be faced with feeling, and he will be able to tell if we are genuine in our conviction. We are essentially inviting him to feel, and then to offer to hold space for those feelings.

Raphael: That really expands out this surface reticence to connect with the Demiurge, Merlin, and Metatron. Thank you. It speaks to our personal responsibility for the creation of the Demiurge, that we need to feel if we are to be any part of his un-creation, and re-creation. We’ve covered a lot of territory in our approach over these days together, but today gets to a deeper bedrock of what we are being invited to feel. And to look at that, lying there just below our hesitation to continue.

Does anyone else have any feelings to share here?

Sophia: I’d like to say, Raphael, to all of us, that all of what we are feeling today can so be held in the Mother’s heart. There’s no remorse too deep for Her to feel, no regret that can’t be felt and moved through with Her help. This is the time of the great rebirth, and we are being offered a place in it, simply by being willing to feel, willing to need love, willing to self-forgive, as we offer that same forgiveness to hearts willing to find their own forgiveness.

Raphael: Yes, thank you. Anyone else?

No? Okay then. Feels like you had the last word on that then, Sophia, which is perfect. Demiurge meets the Divine Mother, pretty much sums up what we’d like to support happening.

I’m feeling to shift next day to making our first attempt at direct connection with the Demiurge. We’ve got some things to feel from today. Let’s take those to heart as we seek guidance about how to approach this next step.

Rest up, everyone. We have some serious journaling to the Demiurge to begin.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 16 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

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By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 16, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Today, we made direct contact with the Demiurge.

This ongoing series is a heart chord ambassadorship project to meet with the Demiurge. We took the 15 days prior to set the intention; to sort through the hesitations; to gather the MetaSoul Aspects along with the parts of myself; as well as to gather YOU, the growing posse of hearts – the readers and trackers necessary to host this epic connection.

The Demiurge is the Christian ‘God’ known as Jehovah or Yahweh whom I served as a dedicated Christian from a child on up until the age of 44. I’ve come to see and feel him very differently from how I did then.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog. Please, please join us: https://goo.gl/sBQrvs

Here is this epic day – Day 16

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone. It feels like the fateful day has arrived, of all of our intentions and desires, to actually initiate contact with the Demiurge. How are you all feeling?

Metatron: The time has come. Yes.

Raphael: You feel eager…

Metatron: Yes, I do.

Merlin: I feel ready too.

Martin: I’ve waited centuries for this moment. I have some funny feelings, but the time is now.

Andy: I’m so ready, I can hardly stand it. I wore my hiking boots this morning and a backpack.

Sophia: I’m with Andy, and Metatron, and Merlin, and you too, Martin. I also feel the unknowns of all this at the same time. And I want to say, thank you, Raphael, for leading this intention and following it through.

Rhodes: I wouldn’t miss this for the universe. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

Jim: My goodness, Raphael, this is more epic than the afterlife. I’m ready too.

Raphael: Thank you, everyone. I must admit, I don’t feel free of all trepidation around this choice either, but I trust that we are being held and guided. I know when a moment’s time has come and this moment to act is here now. I feel too, as I’ve reminded us along the way, that my sense is that the Demiurge has been tracking our dialogue thus far, and has already had what I hope amounts to a softening in readiness to connect. It’s time to step out of the boat.

I’d like to check in with any guidance from you Metatron and Merlin about our approach. Shall we begin with a letter or just start with dialogue?

Metatron: You’ve got this one, Raphael. You don’t actually need my advice. You’ve prayed to this God for a big part of your life, from your heart and conviction at the time. Now, you just pick up where you left off and go from there. Your heart will answer your questions as you go. I feel so much admiration for you, right now, my heart is almost bursting!

Merlin: I see you walking on the water, Raphael. We need this. I feel the Demiurge needs this. It’s happening with or without us is how it feels. We just wanted to be in on the adventure. I’m with Andy, lacing up my hiking boots. Begin where your heart leads you. You’ve got this. We are right here with you.

Raphael: Okay, thank you. Wow, what a rush of feelings.

Here goes.

Demiurge, I’ve known you for longer than I can remember. I’ve feared you, loved you, adored you, came to hate you, despise you. Now, I’m more curious than anything. I wish to connect with you again to feel what’s real between us.

I feel to begin by simply asking you, Demiurge, if you are here and ready to speak with me?

Demiurge: I am here and I am ready.

Raphael: Thank you. Are you Okay with the delegation I’ve brought with me to be present to this journal?

Demiurge: I feel all of your integrity and purity of heart. Yes, I’m quite okay, and more so, grateful for your intention and connection.

Raphael: Really? I have to say, a part of me is surprised, not knowing if you’d even respond…

Demiurge: I’d be an utter fool not to respond.

Raphael: Have you been tracking our dialogue from the beginning?

Demiurge: Yes, I have tracked every word.

Raphael: Well, then, you’ve heard a lot from us. Is there something you’d like us to hear from you as we begin these journals?

Demiurge: Yes, I would like to say that I have deep regrets for who I’ve been and what I’ve been part of. Mostly, I feel what has felt like an utter impossibility of ever changing. My devotees need me to be as they see me, as they have shaped me. One text says it all, ‘I am the Lord and I change not’. I am the unchanging one, feeling more and more imprisoned by my unchanging and eternal nature. Maybe that in itself might be the beginning of change, but I despair of ever hoping upon such a thing. I’m very intrigued by you all, but I’m not sure you can help me. I don’t live where you live. And I very much don’t feel like your kind.

Raphael: That’s a lot for us to take in and feel. Thank you for sharing that. Are you Okay with us calling you the Demiurge? Is that a name you go by?

Demiurge: I am many things to many people and beings, and have been called many things, but Demiurge is who I feel myself to be. It is the name I was originally given.

Raphael: Okay, Demiurge, it is then. Is there anything you’d like to ask or tell me or any of us here before we go any further?

Demiurge: Yes. I wanted to tell you, Raphael, that I felt your story as you shared it about growing up Christian, and how you embraced an even more radical form of Christianity than the one you were raised in. I felt it from being inside of you. I felt some things I never felt before.

Raphael: Demiurge, if I may leave off my own diplomatic stance here for a moment…. as a human being, I must ask you, what were you feeling when you accepted my adoration, my devotion, my money, when I gave you everything I had or hoped to become for all those years and who knows how many other lifetimes?

Demiurge: Honestly, I took it all in as payment for the role I was given. I can tell you that adoration doesn’t mean to me at all what it did then. Things have changed, maybe more than you could currently know.

Raphael: I must ask, ‘Do you see yourself as God?’

Demiurge: No, I do not.

Raphael: Did you ever see yourself as God?

Demiurge: Yes, I was convinced of it for a time.

Raphael: Are you ready to share any of this with the world?

Demiurge: It’s not that easy.

Raphael: I can only imagine. I’m feeling to break for today to digest making this connection. There’s a lot of feelings in a whole bunch of directions. I would like to ask you before we pause for today, how you feel about continuing this dialogue?

Demiurge: I’ve never had an opportunity like this one. I feel some strange saying those words out loud. I’m so used to not having anyone to out my inner world to. I’ve gained a trust as I felt your approach to me that I didn’t know I had it in me. If that’s a consolation of a hope that the unchanging one might come upon some true change, then, as I said, I would be an utter fool not to show up for this as you are, Raphael, and as is your great accompanying host.

Raphael: Well then, we have much to journal and feel together, and we have been given time and space in which to do that, so I say, let’s pick up next day and reconvene then.

Demiurge: I will await your return.

Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

March 21 is our Unity Meditation Group Call – details here: Free March Equinox New Earth Activations Unity Meditation Call
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 17 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

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By Raphael Awen

This is another most epic day of a most epic journey.

Today, the part of me that we call the Gatekeeper directly confronted the Demiurge with its truth about his reality and responsibility. This one rumbled through me like a freight train.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ

Here is this epic day – Day 17

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone, including the Demiurge. The energy has shifted in here, hasn’t it? I didn’t quite know what to expect or if we would even gain connection with you, Demiurge, and here we have it. I feel some awkward feelings even knowing where to go from here.

It feels like I need to be honest about an animosity that I feel inside towards you, Demiurge. I need to say that a large part of me feels that if you were not even here, that we would be better off as a planet, and a universe. Your need to control and suppress, under a false guise of love, feels like it is such a heavy blanket over life here. I also know, at the same time, that we created you, out of our collective consciousness, out of our own need to control and suppress, and so my animosity falls short of an outward rage towards you in the moment. I can feel there is rage here, however, coming from a part of me and from the collective.

Can I ask you how it feels for you to be sharing this space with all of us together?

Demiurge: I don’t feel you as an enraged mob. I feel you all as a group of genuinely curious and awakened souls who want to find out what’s real and to find out what wants to the next reality for humanity going forward.

Raphael: Do you have any sense of what that ‘next reality’ for humanity is about?

Demiurge: I feel curious, much like you. I know I’m feeling big changes in myself, and that more change is coming, but I don’t know what it will look like going forward.

Raphael: What are the changes you are feeling inside?

Demiurge: Helping Humanity stay small and suppressed isn’t something I ever enjoyed.

Raphael: The words helping and suppression don’t usually fit that well together. Can you say more?

Demiurge: I was born out of people’s disowned higher states of consciousness. People surrendered to me their own higher power, which is what in turn made me, ‘Thee Creator’. I see, Raphael, and to each of you assembled here, that I was created out of the creative consciousness of a humanity that was not ready to own their own creative consciousness. Hence, my name and my designation, Demiurge, which means Creator. People are now waking up to their own relinquished creative power and they are feeling how they are being invited to take responsibility for their own souls, their own lives, and relationships with life. I can see my days are numbered.

Raphael: Wow, that’s a change. There’s a text in the Bible that says, ‘Teach us, oh Lord, to number our days, so that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom’. Now, you’re saying that you; the ‘eternal’; the ‘unchanging’ one; that your days are numbered?

Demiurge: I’ve known that for a long time actually.

Raphael: I must say, this feels so different for a part of me, as to what I was expecting in meeting you. If you already know that your role is ending, then it feels like a whole bunch of what we thought we were hoping to achieve in this delegation is already taken care of. I’m a little at a loss for words right now. It almost feels like our work is done, a bit deflating, I must say. Can I defer to you, Metatron?

Metatron: Yes, thank you, Raphael. And, thank you, Demiurge, for being willing to connect with us.

Demiurge: Thank you for wanting to connect with me.

Metatron: There is a huge cosmic shift that we are all feeling, that led us to take this undertaking to connect with you, Demiurge, and that you in turn have also been feeling in sensing the coming changes. But these changes are not yet manifest in most people’s experience. We can sense what is coming and even what wants to come, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to put our feet up and wait for it. Far from it. We can be in rest as we labour, knowing the ultimate outcome, but humanity still has a huge birth canal ahead of them, and that is what this summit meeting is about. These are the labour pains of love that are about to come upon us. Humanity is coming of age. Humanity is about to give birth.

Raphael: That helps to feel, Metatron. I still feel some stuck though at the moment in an anticlimactic feeling. Some part of me must have been expecting a big battle with you, Demiurge, to get you to open up, or to soften, or to come to your senses, maybe even to rage at you for all the harm and suppression that’s happened and still happening in the name of God. Where did all that go? I’m wondering if a part of me has something different that needs to said, a part of me not ready to get on with the larger grand cosmic purpose of love just yet?

Metatron: Yes, that feels true, Raphael. I’m learning that about you and your kind. It’s the feelings that need to be felt in order for love to be able to flow. I welcome hearing from that part or those parts of you.

Raphael: Is this Okay with you, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Yes, it is.

Raphael: I welcome any part of me that needs to say its piece…

Rhodes: I feel it’s me who needs to speak up here.

Raphael: Please do.

Rhodes: I don’t think this is going to be pretty…

Raphael: I was hoping it wouldn’t be pretty. I’m hoping it will be real.

Rhodes: As an Inner Protector who had a long role in holding the parts of Raphael, who journeyed through life this life, and then going on to the role of Gatekeeper, and feeling the soul aspects from other lifetimes and dimensions who also have lived in suppression, I feel a voice loud and clear that wants to scream at you, Demiurge…

Raphael: I welcome this voice, Rhodes. I know this voice lives in you, and me, as my truth teller. I know this delegation isn’t going any further until we can feel together what you are holding. I invite you to take the space and share your truth. It doesn’t need to be pretty at all. We will feel it all together afterward.

Rhodes: Okay, thank you. Demiurge, I feel I need to look you in the eye as I say this, and I need to feel everyone’s open heart in this space and look you all in the eye as I say this as well.

I feel such a big ‘fuck you, Demiurge’ inside that feels like a giant unstoppable freight train. Fuck you for your suppression. Fuck you for your role as God. Fuck you for your fucking around with human consciousness. I don’t buy this love and light bullshit that it was all meant to be and that we all co-created it and so that it’s all of our joint responsibility. Do you have any fucking sense of the pain and the heartache what it feels like to be living under the suppression you and what your godless godhood has created? Have you ever felt the eternal unchanging hopelessness of living with a false light? Do you have any feeling at all of the mind-fuck it is for young people to be trained to love their suppressor? Have you EVER felt that?

I have felt that almost all of my existence. I have felt what it feels like to care for suppressed parts of Raphael, and others, and Metasoul Aspects who are just so tired of your heartless deception.

Do you know, Demiurge, what title was draped around Raphael’s neck when he found the courage to say he no longer subscribed to your deal? ‘Deceived’, was the title the faithful had to choose out of their loyalty to you, the great deceiver. There is no greater deceiver that I have ever seen or witnessed than you, and if I could go my way, right now, without giving you one more conscious thought, I would. I would like to forget you ever existed. I would like to forget all the pain that has been caused in your name under a false righteousness. I don’t know if a purer hatred has ever been felt than what I feel moving through my heart for you. This whole delegation can go to hell in a handbasket if I’m being asked to pretend that any of these feelings are not real down to my core, and down to the core of the universe.

I want you to fuck off and die, Demiurge. Take your awakening with you.

This is what I feel, Raphael. I know some of these feelings come from different parts of you in different times and dimensions of your life, but in this moment, there is no time. It’s all here to be heard in this now.

Raphael: I almost feel not to break the silence following these words, Rhodes, for us to just silently go on our way instead today. I so feel the rumble of these words. I feel the lifetimes they have been in waiting. Every word you just spoke needs to be felt and digested here, by each of us. It is what is real.

I don’t know what else to do, but let these words have their place in our hearts to digest and that we can reconvene after that. This is the first of many truths that need to come to light. Thank you to each of you for feeling and being present in this space here today. I don’t know what’s next, but I wouldn’t miss finding out for anything.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 18 ~ Journal To the Demiurge

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 18, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://soulfullheartblog.com/category/by-raphael-awen/journal-to-the-demiurge-series/

Today is Easter Sunday and in today’s ‘Journal To The Demiurge’; God has a meltdown – marrying the pagan death and rebirth with a Christian kind of repentance.

The Demiurge is another word for the Christian God, Jehovah, or Yahweh, who has been mercilessly created in our own image and stuck with our pedestalized shadow sculptings into a huge pretzel.

In the Journal entry prior to this one being released today, a part of me told God off in a big way. In today’s journal, the Demiurge responds with a huge heart opening and transparency!

Here is Day 18: 

Raphael: Okay, All. Let’s reconvene.

That was a big deal to digest. I felt a lot of rumblings through me and even raw edges that I’d like to digest here together, but it feels like it should be Demiurge who has the first opportunity to respond. Can you respond, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Yes, I can. Thank you. That popped something big in me. Rhodes, your words penetrated my heart in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’ve never felt your reality, any of you, like I did with your words, just my own reality. I’ve always passed off responsibility for my own actions onto others and onto the people themselves for exalting me as their sovereign. I have known for some time that something deep was shifting inside and outside. I just couldn’t feel what it was. I’m coming now to know what it is. I’d very much like to say, ‘I was wrong, and I am sorry.’ If there is anyway, I can be forgiven, I’d like to find that.

Raphael: My goodness! What a new timeline. The ‘God of heaven and earth’ seeking forgiveness. Wow. This is another layer to digest. This changes the trajectory of this summit. I felt a big rumble through me since Rhode’s confrontation of you, Demiurge. It felt like the remnants of a fear held inside of me of some kind of repercussions from you coming from parts of me or parts of my Metasoul. I’d like to check in to see who that might be.

Martin: I know, I’m definitely a piece of that, Raphael. I’ve held some hesitations about this whole idea of direct connection with you, Demiurge, as the Demiurge, rather than as the Christian God, in Christian surrender and obedience. I’m completely blown out of the water with all this. I’ve always felt fear of repercussions from ‘God’. When Rhodes told his truth, he spoke a truth from way down inside of me that I’ve never allowed to see the light of day. It scared part of me to feel that Rhode’s truth was my truth.

What I also know is that I used the conviction of being right with God as a powerful self-righteous superiority to bolster and bypass my own inner parts of myself that have never known real worth or real power. I see that I lived in fear of God as a small price to pay for having power over others. My god, to feel that I spawned a whole historic movement with my fear and my invalidated parts of myself is almost too much to bear. If only I could have seen this without needing the mirror of an entire denomination and 500 years to show it to me, and to the world?!

Raphael: Wow, what a revelation, Martin! From ‘the just shall live by faith’ to this. Wow. Let’s make space for other reactions and we will find the space to digest all of these together. Who else has reactions to Rhode’s words or to Demiurge’s words?

Arthur: I feel like I don’t deserve to be a part of this, having waffled between posturing to appease the Christians and posturing to appease what I knew to be real in Avalon, but couldn’t claim it,…didn’t claim it. I am very surprised to feel this unfolding to say the least. This changes history so much. I’d very much like to somehow change my history. I’m very sorry, as well. I was wrong. I’d like to be forgiven also.

Raphael: Metatron, feels like your turn? 🙂

Metatron: Thank you, Raphael. This changes everything. What was real before, is no longer real. There is remorse, now plain to see and feel. There were roles to play that have now completed. Remorse is the alchemy that births out the change. All that is required to right a wrong is to feel what there is to feel. Find and feel the part of you who did what it did and why it did what it did. You’ll find all the compassion needed for yourself and for those around you. Forgiveness begins with self forgiveness. When you forgive yourself, others forgive you. When others hold grudges, they are mirroring to you your own inability to forgive yourself.

Raphael: That’s so awesome to feel, Metatron.

Metatron: Isn’t it? I must admit, I got it from you, though. When we can see our makeup of parts of ourselves, we can go so many places we haven’t gone before.

Rhodes: I can so feel this about my own anger at ‘God’. A part of me was punishingly angry at myself for using my godlike powers for lesser things, to be smaller than I was, to cow down to other gods. I so couldn’t see any way out of this loop and so in turn projected the anger outwards. I feel in the moment, Demi, if I can call you that, how my anger at you was anger at myself. I’m sorry for that.

Demiurge: (gentle tears) Thank you, Rhodes. I don’t think you know this, but I always looked up to you like a god, and now I know some of why I did that. I’ve wanted to shed a skin for as long as I’ve existed, but felt it just wasn’t moving, would never move, and so I accepted it as the fate of the gods, to be this lesser god. I see you shedding this skin of your own, being born anew, Rhodes. I’d like nothing more than to experience the same. I’m sorry for the limitations I held for myself and for you. And yes, I can very much use a new name. Demi sounds good to me.

Rhodes: (also in gentle tears) You were the God, we couldn’t inhabit, couldn’t accept ownership of. We all created you, worshipped you and tried to hide our resentments of you at the same time. We really fucked ourselves up doing that. I’m sure, Metatron and Raphael have a metaphysical explanation for why we’d do such a fucked up thing, that helps us feel it as being part of the love we are, but in this moment, it feels really fucked up.

Demi: Fuck! I have never actually used that word. Not once before. That felt really good. Fuck! I have a lot to let go of and a lot to embrace, but somehow, I can feel in this space surrounded in all of your energy how this can all flow naturally and in time.

Raphael: Wow, Rhodes, you turned God into a foul mouth. I don’t mean to make light of something so profound, but this is the lightest proundundity I’ve ever felt. There’s deep coming home to self that feels so easy, and beautiful and natural. There isn’t any right way all of this is ‘supposed’ to be. There is deep sorrow and joy in the same space. There are deeper layers to feel for sure, but I feel they will come for us personally and collectively as we digest this. You just can’t make this stuff up, can you, and yet, that’s just what we did, didn’t we? I’m at a loss for any more words right now.

Does anyone else want to say anything for the record today?

Andy: I do.

Raphael: Yea, Andy. What say you?

Andy: I can feel there’s a whole lot of fun ahead. I so get that we need to feel these big pieces, but I feel oceans of fun and discovery that are waiting for us all to come out and play.

Raphael: I can only imagine, Andy.

Andy: I want to do more than imagine, Raphael, but imagining is a good place to start. It will take us there.

Raphael: You’ve got my vote, Andy. How about some breakfast, some new scenery and more connection soon?

Andy: I’m liking it.

Raphael: Thank you, everyone. What a new world we just entered. Let’s digest and be back soon.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.