self love – Page 58 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Love’s Invitation To Teach What We Embody, Not What We ‘Know’

Published on June 20, 2017June 20, 2017 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

love-heart-light-in-hand

So many ideas float around inside of me sometimes, so many directions to take my writing in, many life observations, spiritual and heart-based learnings, sometimes even metaphysical concepts that can be and feel quite complex and slightly (if not VERY) out of reach of my consciousness level. A desire to discuss this or that in a post, see where it lands, and yet then, I feel the mental exercise this can be and the juice for the writing soon peters out for me. In these moments, I feel an invitation to keep feeling… to trust that some things I’m learning now I will unlearn too and that there really is no ‘absolute answer’ for my mind to wrap around, try as it might. Sometimes the only answer is to ‘keep going’… to keep embodying, keep living, keep loving, keep diving in head and heart first and see where the mess leads.

Sometimes when I write something, I feel such a desire for it to ‘go out THERE’, land in hearts, move others, maybe even bring back to me more reflections of the love that I am and that I feel more and more openly. Then sometimes, when I write something, I realize that the main reason for the writing is actually to show something to myself, from myself… to ‘me’, from everything that makes up the mosaic of ‘me’, as I am now, as I may be in a moment yet to come, as I may feel inside of parts of me who need something more from me. To share from anything but a full vessel is to share perhaps only more of the emptiness in some ways, yet it’s all good and does harm to none, as long as it comes from a consciously healing heart that can hold reflections of its own shadow and light, both.

Maybe it’s time to no longer ‘teach what you know’, but ‘teach what you embody’… this is a phase I have been moving more and more into over the years of my process, and as I continue to feel my heart and what it actually wants, I feel less attached to ‘knowing’ at all. There are moments of frustration in this for parts of me as they grapple with this burgeoning reality of being more relaxed in the head and more lit up in the heart and soul. There is a healthy bridge here, and that’s what it feels like I am being now as I share this moment with you and with me too. I feel the challenge of a woman in spirituality who faces the more masculinized approach to metaphysics, trying to ‘figure it all out’ in a way that maybe I’m just not meant to. I’ve never taken to spiritual study in a way that others have, preferring actually to experience instead. This is landing deeper inside of me now, despite protests from parts that worry about self-image and credibility… yet this world of spirituality feels inundated with this data and that data and watch out for this and never do that, think that, be that… this whole realm has become fraught with self-punishment fueled existences that are actually begging for the permission to NOT be this anymore, to NOT feel the pressure to prove or contend. I so feel this in myself and I invite you to feel this too, as well as any reactions you may feel to doing so… I so get and feel these reactions too and I trust deeply that there is another side to them.

And then, in moments like these, I feel an outbreath… as I let in that this is what needed the floor today, trusting that it will land where it needs to and that at the end of the day, all teachings of all kinds go where they’re needed and necessary, reaching the consciousnesses that are on deck to receive them, and that as all of our hearts continue opening, there is only going to be MORE love to teach, live, learn and give from. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Trusting The Gravity Of Our Emotions

Published on June 16, 2017June 16, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

eagle in water mirror

“To fall,
patiently to trust our heaviness.
Even a bird has to do that
before he can fly.” – Rilke

To fall… a tall order for some, a tip over the next pending edge for others. To trust the weight of it ALL… to be in the surrender of, ‘okay, I guess this is my next place to go’, without any denial of the clues from Love itself and the invitation into the next layer that needs healing. There are many of these next and next and next places. Trusting in them is the key and the challenge. Trusting that no matter what it feels like in these moments of letting in feeling, there is a shore we will wash up on, renewed, letting in so much more than we once could – wow, this can be the hardest piece of it all, can’t it?

There is a lot to learn to love about our emotional reality, even though the heaviness can sometimes feel as if it invades what would otherwise be a fairly smooth existence. Emotional waves passing through and over us need our attention, our love, our passion for finding purpose and meaning. In the deadest seeming desert there is still movement underneath, around and behind its stillness and winds waiting to sweep through and shake it all up. In the calmest waters, there is abundant life finding its way through inner space beneath the glassy surface, winding its way through shifting currents, being brought to different depths below. Our hearts, our souls, our bodies, our minds, are all teeming with life, with reactions, with weight, with movement, and it all wants to bring us to the next juncture on our paths. All of this wants to bring us more love and be IN more love itself.

There are so many layers of letting go, of letting in more trust, of being in more Love, of flying higher and higher still, but sometimes… sometimes there’s a crash landing needed first. Sometimes there is just that unavoidable trip down into the darkness, where our tallest, farthest reaching gardens can live and thrive. The darkness isn’t ‘dark’ at all, just a void, avoiding love, and with all good reasons for wanting to do so, yet the cost of staying in this lack place is often paid in years spent only dwelling here and not realizing there is another side to this cave.

We must feel our full-weight before we can leave gravity behind.

***

The Insatiable Appetite For More Love

Published on June 14, 2017 by Kasha Rosa3 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

heart-wings

The heart of a little girl, turns toward her mother and asks, “How do I get your love?”

The heart of a young woman in a new relationship, turns toward her partner and asks, “How do I keep your love?”

The heart of a young nun in her morning prayers asks, “How do I earn your love?”

The awakening heart turns to Love itself and asks, “How do I remember you, Love?”

These journeys begin with feeling as if Love is elusive, a butterfly to capture and keep, a path to master, something to make, do, take, have, possess…

These journeys continue with receiving ‘answers’ from outside, with only letting in that which can be seen or learned, until one day, the love that you simply ARE reminds you from inside of you that it was always there…

Abuses of all kinds create a struggle inside, bruised heart walls, parts that hate ourselves, push away others, trauma and drama attraction, resistance to Love and all of its tones and frequencies both challenging and comforting. To be in the heat of Love’s reawakening is to feel what’s blocking it, to feel the need for more of it, to realize the areas of life where it’s not flowing, to ask the questing questions that lead us to clarities of this step followed by that one… if you are used to crumbs, crumbs is all you’ll expect, but once you’ve allowed in a taste of the real thing, the real thing is all that can suffice and yet ironically is what stimulates the appetite for MORE.

Be insatiable. Every pore of your body, every cord of your heart song, every tone of your multi-dimensionality wants to want more, wants to BE more. The having and receiving of more comes from making room, from flowing over with love withIN, from letting it flow to others FROM you and WITH you, from feeling the parts of you that won’t let it, don’t want to trust it, have been burned, hurt, wounded by ‘love’ before, that can’t see or feel or let in just yet that within their hurt and pain lies a pearl – an exquisite gift – of experience, wisdom, heart-opening mess and the capacity to pick up the pieces and keep going on and IN as you grow and bloom and shine ever brighter. Hunger for the growth that allows in more love. Let yourself ask those questions you need to ask parts of you and soul aspects of you. And bring it all back to your appetite for more love to let in and crave for.

To live life this way turns everything on its head! It brings in a whole new way of digesting all experiences, all challenges, all processes. It gives you a home frequency to tune into during emotional phases of deeply feeling your wounding. It motivates you to keep going in and through and guides you in the same.

It’s time to remember… and it’s up to you if you decide to now or later, yet it doesn’t matter, because you will never be less love or loved than you already are in this moment. ❤

—

In SoulFullHeart, the process is always about leaning back into love in the end, though the journey to do this is complicated and challenging at times. Digesting pain with a heart-open other who can reflect to you what you need to keep feeling in order to heal it, is simply what works. If you’re interested in feeling into having sessions with a SoulFullHeart facilitator, please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information. ❤

***

Energetic Pressure Cooker Of Love Supports Self Healing

Published on June 12, 2017May 5, 2018 by Jelelle Awen2 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

LightDance

In this energetic pressure cooker turned UP to its highest ‘LOVE’ setting, your heart bakes on the aches that have been previously suppressed. Simmering now, you are BEcoming what is POSSIBLE when love is the waters you are swimming in. BEing more in the now, with others who resonate and marinate along WITH you in love’s juices.

UP come the fears. UP come the doubts. UP come the distrust. UP come the resistances held by the protective parts, the guarding parts, that have just wanted to keep life safe for you. You invite these parts of you to put down their weapons, their self judgements, their reticence. You ask them to confess to that which has before been left unsaid and so release the burdens of their concerns to YOU. You pass the tissues to collect the tears that can finally be released. You become the role of confessor to your own heart and soul, with deep compassion and genuine curiosity in response to ALL you hear and feel.

In this letting go of previous pain and traumatic story through feeling it with ALL parts of you, your emotional body becomes CURRENT. It can vibrate in the frequencies of the NOW rather than from the past. It can vibrate heart health and soul integration rather than from from ‘long ago’ wounded and ‘didn’t heal properly’ frequencies. It can become more STILL in natural rhythm with the Universe’s heart beat, tuning more and more to the galactic HUM.

THIS is what all that reading about spirituality was for. This is what all those hours of meditation sets the stage for. This is what the yoga classes were for. This is what all the letting go of the OLD life and boundary setting has been for.

ALL of it has been supporting the soul self to arise. To become BIG enough to hold all this undigested REAL reality. To become your own parent, your own BEloved, your own angel, your own spirit guide, your own God and Goddess. Your own Divine Source that can hold the space for ALL aspects of you, from your roots to your wings, from Inner Child to Ancient Inner Divine Muse and so BE whatever you are MOST needing in EVERY moment.

In this energetic pressure cooker turned UP to its highest ‘LOVE’ setting, it is finally becoming safe enough to go where it was once deemed off limits, to go where it once felt impossible. In this process of GREAT self enlovenment, you discover that you HAVE no limits yet ARE Infinite Possibilities of Infinite Love in human form returning and remembering what you have always been.

Jelelle Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.com
More writings like this in my NEW book:
Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/books

We offer space holding sessions to explore this ground of integration of the emotional body with your spiritual awakenings through parts work via individual sessions, group calls, etc., visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

Shelter For The Inner Storms

Published on June 12, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

Shelter

Cloudy morning feelings

of going IN.

My heart beats through

impending storms

of ‘time’ mixed with LOVE…

The land goes through collapsing

timelines

every time the rain pours

and rolling thunder

precedes renewing lightning strikes

of electric and alive possibilities.

Ascending hearts meet rolled-over beaches,

ocean waves flushing foreign objects

up to the shore.

Remnants of old phases

needing attention.

Weather movements

bring land and sea purges.

Another chance for renewal

that Gaia takes hold of

every single time.

And so

the invitation to another this

inside of us

brings us forward

into new places,

lets in more LOVE waves

lightning storms

and churning, renewing

inner selves.

Your lighthouse self

grows with every beat

of high ocean tide waves

stirring around

the debris of kicked-up

journey markers

and intensely trodden paths.

The light within

is for you to have

as the direction of Home

guides you

inside all places

of high pressure patterns

and inner weather maps.

For the LOVE of it all

you continue to shine

while collecting windward

clues

and healing cues

for that beacon

you are meant to BEcome…

***

Feeling Feminine Stillness In Shifting Times

Published on June 10, 2017June 10, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

stillness in movement

In moments like these, with much rumbling and shifting and changing going on, I feel my feminine stillness arising alongside a deepening trust more and more often. I feel my body, heart, soul and mind too, soaking in a pool of still yet steadily flowing water. A paradox, yes, as we all are too it seems, always in motion somehow or other, always moving with some sort of current, finding our new breath on our way out of birth canals. We find our ways to BE with what IS but still find ways to hold the rumbles, trusting that even as parts of us quake in the emergence of NEW, we will find our desires being answered. Without entitlement, I can feel what is coming and that it’s already here too. I can feel the impending life shifts that are coming and the parts of me that are scared. I can feel the humility this offers too, as I allow in these fears just don’t fuse to them as I used to so often, not all that long ago. MY version of arising feminine stillness and deep trust has been an intense journey of forks in the road, sharp turns around jagged corners, and collapses into the processes of NOW.

I feel so much in my heart that can hold just about anything that comes up now… after having processed so much, I feel as if my container has expanded and can hold as much as it needs to. The next step is really letting in the care of this container, feeling what energies are okay right now, what my body and heart need right now, what my parts or Metasoul aspects need right now.

This process… is the one we are invited into as men AND women. It is a going in to find stillness, to bring this gift into our daily life moments, our relationships, any emotional underpinnings that are being unearthed, any spiritual endeavour or discovery. It finds us like the river finds the ocean. It finds a way to breathe outward while going inward. It is paradoxical and yet it is just what IS, without mental framing necessary. It is the ultimate in self-love that will be more felt by women than by men, in themselves at least, yet this stillness holds an offering to men too, to find their portal in it in a mate, in any feminine connection, and inside of them too to the degree that they can let this in and embody it. More paradoxes there, yes. It is endless.

Where the resistance ends, the stillness begins. And the trust your soul has always somehow had, finds its way to your consciously held life structure, whispering to you of new possibilities, and offering to you some NEW pictures of what is to come, if you can do the work necessary to let it all in… ❤

Join Jelelle Awen and I at our next SoulFullHeart Virtual Group Call for Women NEXT Saturday, June 15th. We would love to have you! Go here for more details. ❤

***

Rediscovering That Creative Heart In Us, Beyond Self Punishment

Published on June 9, 2017June 8, 2017 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

kid_dancing_rain

When I was a teenager, creative outlets ‘saved’ me in a way… especially exploring my creativity in private, or at least as private of a setting as I could find. I was doing regular dance classes and you would think that was helpful too, yet there was something about being in a ‘class’ setting such as this, that stoked the fires of comparison to others for parts of me that I couldn’t feel directly. Perhaps if I could have, I wouldn’t have kept doing these classes, but it’s hard to say. They were helpful for many reasons and yet, they were painful too. It was more often the dancing, singing, performing that I did for invisible audiences (likely higher selves of soul family and maybe star being family and guides too at the time!) who would inevitably adore me and enjoy my performances with no cloaked judgments or making parts of me feel self-conscious, that I thoroughly enjoyed. These parts of me so needed this, growing up in this 3D reality where we are taught to judge others and ourselves for just about everything so soon in our lives, and always, it feels like, because our caregivers and teachers are overflowing with this judgement toward themselves first.

These times in my parents’ basement were so sacred… I even remember buying a headset mic that was meant for a computer, so I could wear it like a pop star! Sometimes I sang, sometimes I lip-synched instead. But it was ALL fun and most of the time, I somehow managed to free myself from self-judgment frequencies because from me to me, I had space to enjoy being with ME.

There’s something about our ways of expressing ourselves creatively that pings for me now, especially as just an hour ago I was singing my heart out a bit, for the first time in a LONG time and I have to say it felt really, REALLY good… my heart wanted to sing out in expression and love. Reconnecting with music that I used to listen and sing to many years ago. I could feel part of me feeling self-conscious, wondering if the whole complex that I live in could hear me singing… and worse yet, that they would think I was awful. And then, I also felt how in these precious moments I didn’t actually care if they did and if they judged. So both were true for me and that’s okay. It felt important to give myself permission to just BE in the music, let something roll out of my heart, have some FUN too. Give myself permission to NOT be perfect or seek perfection in any way. Just sing OUT. I feel there is so something in this for all of us, perhaps especially in this process of ascension that’s happening so quickly for so many of us and can have such intense phases physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Where did our creativity go that could carry us through and that was given to us to help life feel like MAGIC again and stoke our imaginations so we can blaze like the LOVE stars we truly are?

As our inner-punishment heals, especially through this work we call SoulFullHeart where we work with and deeply feel the parts of us who hold these frequencies, we can begin to be more in our creative magic again. This feels so important to me, because we ARE creating in every single moment as we really can’t help but do and BE this as human beings! We are creation constantly creating… we shift these frequencies of what this creativity draws when we reclaim our power and see what we’ve been drawing instead of what we actually want.

And so, I know that I hope this is only the beginning of me exploring art forms that once brought my heart out to play, though of course writing like this does that too! We are so meant to sing, to throw our heartbeams outward through dance and movement too, to let our lungs fully expel the old air and invite in the NEW. And to encourage everyone to do the same… without polish or perfection but just our human ISness that wants and aches to come out and play again, create and recreate a magical life again, love ourselves everything about us again and again and again…

❤

***

Aging UP: Entering A New Life And LOVE Phase On My ‘Birthday’

Published on June 3, 2017 by Kasha Rosa3 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

Shiloh Sophia Queen of Her Own Heart.jpg

This painting is by Shiloh Sophia

I turn ’30’ tomorrow. A surreal feeling, as age and time have felt less and less important and real to me, except for those phases when it has to somehow. There are still some really important life phases and experiences that seem to happen mostly during certain ages or decades of our lives, so sometimes it IS important to acknowledge ‘age’ though I feel looser and looser about it, especially for myself.

I think I spent most of my ’20’s’ looking forward to turning ’30’. My 20’s felt awkward and strange at times. So much more self-discovery and remembrance happened during this ‘decade’ of my life than in my teenage years, though so much got started then too. Many phases of letting go, learning to let in, surrendering, hoping, wishing, losing sight of magic and wonder and then rediscovering it again, loving a man, moving through relationships, learning to love humanity again even when parts didn’t want to… this is just a taste of where I chose to go, venturing into shadow and light both and facing sometimes very, very humbling mirrors.

The ups and downs were palpable and as I reflect on them, my god, they were all so worth it to bring me HERE to this NEW place inside me that is more compassionate, more overflowing with love, more desirous of mateship inside and outside of me, more desirous to FEEL and HEAL whatever I need to no matter how challenging, and more willing to step into my destined leadership, starting within and moving without. My heart wants to BE and experience feminine stillness and also experience heart-based, vulnerable, transparent leadership happening more and more from inside of me, to serve and BE love, even when boundaries are necessary and conflicts may arise for one reason or another, all in the name of growth and letting in more and more and MORE with less and less shrinking or hiding or cloaking from parts of me who are fused to fear.

Rolling around with a part of me through reactions to ALL of this arising inside me took the place of sleep most of the night last night. In some ways it was the reactions that kept me up and yet it was also new energies coming in, or so it feels like to me now as I reflect on and feel into this all some more. I’m getting ready and being filled up and at the same time being flushed OUT. This morning has been mostly restful for me, despite any ‘plans’ I thought I had… I feel as if I’m trying to expand my container for letting in LOVE and letting it move through me in conscious transaction and relationship with others. There is so much juice coming in now, being offered to all of us actually. This juice can’t come in without us being juiced first! It can feel like a squeeze at times, as reactions surface and sometimes feel overwhelming and hard to track. Sometimes it feels to me like all I can do is surf it all and trust that as I’m feeling it, it’s also moving, and that there’s a fast track happening. I’m ON the train now, and it’s moving faster and faster.

As I enter this new ‘age’ of my life, it feels inaugural… I feel how much my inner Queen is arising now. She is waiting to be crowned at an official coronation, held inside me with guides and so, so much love. She is who I’ve been waiting and WORKING for, processing for, healing for. She is who gets to lead in my life now, more and more, as my healing continues and my persona parts of me continue to rest. She is the one ascending to her heart throne while also ascending to the throne built for her in the Universe, joining other Kings and Queens that are also showing up there more and more, leading humanity consciously and subconsciously through this phase of ascending with Gaia. She IS Mother Gaia, as we all are. She IS you just as she IS me and she also is a bridge, a platform, a ship, a rocket, a star and light BEing and leader. She is feeling her purity of heart come forward again at deeper and deeper depths as all I’ve healed and am healing helps to create her crown of jewels atop her head. She is my leader, my healer, my LOVEr living inside my heart and soul. And she is waiting along with me, helping me make room for a King to come and dance with her energy in sacred union, sacred sexuality, sacred and conscious duality, and sacred humanity.

As I find my rebirth into this new universe, I feel this birth canal that she is being pushed through by love and desire. She is responding already to what is coming and what is being asked of me and of her. We won’t be perfect together, yet there is no need for that. Many different birth canals await and that’s okay too, for the need for mess in order to grow is not foreign to me! Yet there is also harvest coming and feasts of celebration inside of myself and with others too. AND I look forward to welcoming more of ALL of our inner inter-galactic, inter-dimensional royalty, as we all reemerge and reunite in this way.

From my Queen to yours, or perhaps your King if you’re a man, thank you for being a part of what has created my journey so far. You have taught me and continue to teach me more than you could maybe be aware of really and I feel you… I honour you. I love you.

In arising and ever-flowing love,

Queen Kalayna ❤

***

The Beauty Of Our Messes: Living Life From The Heart

Published on June 2, 2017June 2, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

dirtyheart1

Gosh, claiming someone or something can feel like a big leap of faith. It is an agreement to fall in love. It can get to a point where even claiming the next step of the staircase can feel like a lot, like you and your parts know somehow that life as you’ve/they’ve known it is about to change. Some of us are more cautious than others. Some of us dive in head, heart or soul first, no matter the circumstance. There could be a balance here, and yet the whole point, it feels like, is to allow yourself to be ‘out’ of balance. To let something or someone new that’s arising in your life tip you completely sideways and add some new wonder to every fiber of your existence, known or unknown. Parts of us have all sorts of reactions to this and it’s important to feel every one as it arises, paving nothing over, and yet the messiness of it all, even feeling in hindsight what was buried, IS the point! Sometimes our growth edges cannot be planned or deliberately planted, yet stumbled upon. And sometimes this is the only way to find them.

As children, getting messy was easy! It was the way we learned to communicate, the way we learned to play, the way we learned how to BE with others and also with things. We shed tears over broken bones and toys and friendship bonds. Sadly too we also learned how to punish ourselves from the inside and as we learned what was ‘wrong’ and what was ‘right’ we also learned how to judge others for whether or not they followed the ‘rules’ as we learned them. Parts of us or subpersonalities began to form around these traumas, identities and ways of ‘seeing’ ourselves started to develop. We stopped being willing to get messy, sooner or later, for the consequences, which no one could feel us in at the time or offer us heart-centered guidance through, soon became things to avoid, avoid, avoid… it feels like this is when we learned how to stop falling in love, falling on our faces or bums or even our hearts when necessary, whether over a person or a butterfly or puppy, or a flower we just really wanted to run to in order to take it in deeper! We wanted to play, we wanted to learn how to fly, we wanted to experience the whole world with every sense alive in us. AND none of us were born judges or critics or even fanatics… we just WERE.

Our worlds of discovery, uncovering all we wanted to, became answered by knowledge. So many of us eventually began a path of seeking and spirituality in order to find magic in life again, and yet even this has become a place of only seeking knowledge and not actual experience. Not the same experience that falling into and sometimes on top of your heart can offer. It’s not the same as the inherent sense of spirituality we were BORN with, that got snuffed out because we had to go through phases of this. It’s been a tough road of remembrance and so it continues to be sometimes, but this innocence, this heart-centered love of everything, is still there. The healing, the difficulties, the FEELING is all worth it to find this place inside the inside of us again. We are constantly being invited back inward, back to that place where the magic has always been. We can’t return fully to that place where we were as kids, and yet we wouldn’t want to, for all that we’ve gleaned from our life experience has been a gift that’s meant to integrate with this child within, hold it and treasure it too. As we claim each piece of who we are, who we want to be, who we want to be WITH, we find our way back to the pure love we came from, bringing our full treasure chest with us that we always wanted to find as children but needed life to bring it to us.

A childlike claim of the love of discovery, of life, of love itself… the claim of another in romance, the claim of ourselves in pursuit of our deepest healing and experience of self love and reverence and worth… this is all within us and the more we allow in the possibilities of mess but still go IN, the more we seem to grow and the greater our depths of soul and heart seem to BE.

With each firewalk we endure, we find our power again, and realize we never lost it but it was our power that chose it in the first place. With each step into the wilderness, we find that getting lost only means being found in a new way. With each garden bed we till, we make friends with the bugs and learn to love the dirt under our fingernails. And with each fresh beat of our excited hearts, we learn yet again, that even the roughest seas bring us back to the shores of love and the light we’ve always had within. ❤

***

Feeling Rumbles Within: A Conversation With ‘Love’

Published on May 28, 2017May 28, 2017 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

love phone

I once decided to have a dialogue with “Love” itself about a year ago now. You can read this dialogue here. I felt to hold another dialogue with Love now, in the moment. Love is a fun energy to have a relationship with even as we just ARE it too. With this dialogue, I feel Love itself inviting you into dialogue too… it always has much to illuminate and offer us, directly, romantically, challengingly, yet always lovingly somehow as we continue to let it in deeper through personal process and really feel the rumbles and yet comfort it offers too. ❤

Kalayna: Hi Love…

Love: Hi Kalayna! Been rumbling with me a bit today, I can feel that.

K: Yes, Love, I have. Well, part of me has. A part of me that I need to keep feeling for a while as she heals.

❤ : What did that rumbling feel like in the moment you felt her (this part of you)?

K: I felt a strong urge to put the pain outside of me, to lash out, to pretend that the reactions coming up inside of me were someone else’s doing and not showing me something about ME… or in this case, showing this part TO me.

❤ : Yes, I felt this rumble inside of you. It has taken a while, but you’re getting to know this signal to go IN even if ‘lashing out’ would somehow off-gas the energy though not heal it…

K: Yes, this is something I’m starting to really recognize in the moment it happens. It feels like a desire to contend but I’ve learned now that this is often about a part avoiding leaning into me and instead flooding my space with its reaction, instead of asking for me to be with it and help it.

❤ : Can you feel anything else about this that you may want to share with others as they also grow emotionally and feel me rumble their inner worlds?

K: Well, this is where I get confused sometimes and maybe this part I’ve been feeling feels this confusion too. There IS a time for conflict and contention, no? I mean I’ve witnessed it and been a part of it too. I’ve felt the deeper feelings that can come of the mess, as the smoke clears and the mirror is offered by the whole situation, that really just lands you back into YOU again. I just wonder if there’s a difference between the contention part of me was looking for today in the moment (that I didn’t let her go to, just brought her back inward), and the contention that offers a mess but gifts too… can you offer me anything about this, Love?

❤ : ….sometimes these questions are better answered by experience and experimenting than by mental answers, as you know, loved one. What does your heart feel about this?

K: I feel as if I’m still living into the answer. That sometimes mess is just how we need to learn, and yet mess doesn’t need to happen in the same way always either, giving us chaos to find our way somehow ON TOP of the reactions that can’t always get resolved this way. It feels like the answer is usually about checking inward first, at least for me right now, to see if the conflict is based in a healthy advocacy for self and desires or if maybe it’s a contention a part is having with ME or with another part, actually! Contending with a mate because you or part of you feels mistreated can actually be a chance to see each other more and deepen the bond, unless at this point the bond is completing… but if the conflict is really just from me to me, it could be projecting something outward that means I really need to inward to resolve it instead. In any case though, it’s still about YOU, Love, wanting to move something… wanting to come into each person and relationship more and more.

❤ : Yes, I am ALWAYS trying to help bring something to light that needs to heal and move! So advocating for desires and needs that aren’t being met is where the contention comes from in this example, yes? This is what you are feeling, loved one?

K: Yes, Love, something like that… and we can’t really know until we’re in it if it’s a part advocating or if it’s our purest hearts. This is humbling, actually, as it could still be coming from a wound even if we feel quite righteous in the moment. I think maybe sometimes the contention can be both from a part of us who is wounded and still needs US as well as from our purest center of feeling YOU, Love! Ah, this is so not something just anyone can really feel, is it?

❤ : Not without really being willing to look at themselves, no! Also, this is what becomes illuminated in relationship ONLY, it seems, as relationships are meant to push buttons and oh how I LOVE to push buttons when needed! ❤

K: HA! Yes, yes you do. And even though parts of me may resent that a bit at times, in the end they are given the gift of still feeling you Love…

❤ : …now that there is more of me inside of YOU, Kalayna, and you can hold this mirror up for them! I love to love you and your parts. It doesn’t matter to me if you are messy messy before finding me and letting me in again. You have your own flow of me that is moving you onward and inward to more and more healing, and, YES, MORE love!

K: Thank you for everything, Love…. I know I wouldn’t be me without you, because you ARE me and I AM you… and you ARE what connects me with whoever is reading this and whoever I have the opportunity to BE with in any and every moment. I LOVE you, Love! And serving you is fun too!

❤ : And it will become FUNNER! I LOVE you too, of course, Kalayna. I am looking forward to more unfoldings and flowings with you, within you, to you and from you. ❤

***

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