Our First ‘Year’: Celebrating A Year Of Sacred Union Romance

By Kalayna Colibri

I wrote this poem last year, as Gabriel Heartman and I began to revisit the romantic love we once had for and with each other…

It (re)started one year ago. We were sitting on Jelelle and Raphael’s sofa on opposite ends. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about but then Jelelle looked at us both and said, “why don’t you two explore together?” We knew what she meant and as we let this invitation sink in, I couldn’t help but feel myself trying to suppress a grin.

Since this day, Gabriel and I have been in sacred exploration of sacred union. We have experienced quite a bit together in this past year, both within us as individuals and within our ‘Us-ness’ – the bond that forms between two lovers in sacred union commitment. Neither of us are the same as when we began to dive into this a year ago. Neither of us can know just how much more we are both about to change deeper still…

I love this man… so much so that it’s hard to be away from him. In some moments I have to check in and see if this is a codependency between us, and yet, lately, the missing has been sweeter and deeper, not one of a longing or ache for fulfillment that can only come when the other is around. This is what it would have felt like for me in the past. But no, not so much now. Now it’s more of a missing of his entire being. Of everything that makes him him and makes me me in dance and contrast to him. Of the deep bond we have cultivated together since our first meeting back in 2012, while going in and out of relationship both romantic and otherwise.

Gabriel… I love you, appreciate you, and can’t wait to see where our path together brings us now, both in ourselves and in our shared life. Sometimes I can’t believe I get to be with you. And then, when I do let it in, I feel myself breathing with hot desire and cool passion, both…

Happy Anniversary, beloved. ❤️🔥

~

With ease we love.

As love we breathe.

In each moment with you
with us…
a place of golden hues
and sinews of silky love tones
uniting our hearts, souls
and bodies too…

Years, lifetimes
and no time
bring poignant everythings
and love flow
like crashing waves upon a hungry shore.

In you I see me and the mateship within
With you I feel us and the starships of all
and in constancy the ceiling above
continues its upward flight
on cotton clouds of whispered rememberances
and newly arising constellations.

May we love until the stars fall backward
into laps of ancient gods unknown.

And our inward glances
bring new tidings
of a love that is meant for all!

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling And Healing The System Within

The past couple of weeks has been sprinkled with interfacing with “The System”. The legal matrix that requires each of us to have our T’s crossed and our I’s dotted in order to go about our lives in a state of unencumbered “freedom”. There was a time where I felt myself to be a warrior out to slay the dragon of said System. I found myself on a mission to free myself and shine the light for others to do the same.

At the time it felt like my purpose. Energetically I felt myself in states of rage, fear, and anxiety. I would get pretzled into so many knots around what I could and couldn’t get away with in regards to taxes, travel, social expectations, and debt just to name a few. When I began my own journey of feeling myself as a hub of fractured selves, I could then see and feel a picture of this System inside of myself. There were multiple metasoul lives that were reacting to this feeling of imprisonment and control. It was happening from me to me first. The outer was just reflecting the inner.

At the core it comes to “I can’t have what I want”. Even underneath that is “I am not worthy to have what I want” so I create the matrix outside to validate the one on the inside. I have been getting guidance from a Reptilian aspect of mine that I have connecting with recently. He has been helping me to see how the matrix is energized and co-created within the collective. It starts with a whisper, a meme, that builds its strength on the wings of our fear and unworth. That which was created when we found ourselves separate from Source.

When we find ourselves in moments where we are in the belly or on the radar of this system, there is an internal reaction. An energetic frequency that builds upon the largess of the collective. It feeds it and helps to make manifest the very thing we are afraid of. As I have experienced in my own process, as well as this guidance from my reptilian aspect, it is the inner work of transforming our own fear places, our own control centers, our own inner matrix that begins the process of a wholesale transformation of a system that actually no longer exists on the outside.

If that is the case, then it becomes clear that we are the heroes that we have been looking for. We are the leaders that can take our selves to new places of freedom and joy that we could only previously dream of. A new layer of trust comes when we start to unanchor ourselves from the collective conscious paradigm we actually co-created. To fight the System is to really only continue the struggle within. Going IN and bringing love to all of your shadow places, including your inner Reptilian, is what helps clear a path to a new economy of gift, passion, and true personal empowerment.

I will be continuing this exploration in further writing and live streams as the arise.

What do you feel is preventing you from fully living the life that you can see and feel within?

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

The Beauty That Is You

By Raianna Shai

As I watch the sunset tonight I reflect on all the beauty that surrounds me. The beauty that I alchemized for myself. The beauty that is reflected within me.

When we take in beauty like sunsets, we are really taking in ourselves. The beauty of ourselves. You can only let in the love that you have cultivated within. And from there, is where you give to others.

I came onto my yoga mat this evening feeling less than perfect. Less than worthy. I’ve always been very sensitive to how I am perceived and what others think of me. So one small thing can send parts of me spiralling into a suffering loop about not being good enough.

I checked in with this part of me while in puppy posture and asked why I felt this sadness every time something like that came up.

He told me “Because I know that if you feel sad or guilty enough, you’ll do everything in your power to prevent it from happening again. So we don’t have to feel the sadness. So no one can judge you. It’s for your protection.”

I felt to say back, “But why am I not perfect exactly where I am now? Why is this not good enough?”

I felt tears start to come as this part of me started to let in the reality that I was talking about him, too.

I transitioned into a new position so that I could take in the sunset amidst this process, and the tears started to flow.

Look at all of this beauty, I thought. The love in my life, the love in my soul, the love in the sky this very moment.

I know there is shadow within me. Darkness, sadness, anger, fear. But that’s all a part of the beauty.

We would have no sunsets without darkness. The colours would not stand out the way that they do.

And my darkness and shadow is not wrong, the way the night sky is not wrong. It is passion and power. It is the part of my essence that can provide me with discernment, boundaries and confidence. It is one of the strongest parts of me, especially when it can let in my love.

I make mistakes. I have the capacity to hurt. I can feel things I would never wish anyone to feel. But I am still worthy. These dark parts of me are still worthy. You and your parts are still worthy of all the love you can possibly imagine. Of every ounce of love you have to give.

It’s time now to go in, take responsibility for the shadow, feel any remorse that comes up, and then forgive. Forgive so that you can let in the beauty that is YOU.

A MANdate For New Earth Now

Last night my friend, heart shaman, and MANtor (mentor as a man) Raphael Awen and I enjoyed a night out together for the first time in a while. It was a time we intended to connect with each other in a deeper way beyond the ‘doings’ of our busy lives as we all engage in our next journeys separate, yet together in heart.

It is easy for parts of all of us to normalize relationship to some degree and not take a moment to just be in the goodness of what is, what was, and what we intend to be more of. This also feels to be a challenge for men especially. Taking sacred time with each other in honor and gratitude, or even much-needed truth-telling, wherever that truth is coming from or needs to lead.

Raphael and I took in the goodness of our surroundings, our own usness outside our personal romances with our beloved mates, and our history together as friends and co-conspirators of this starship we call SoulFullHeart. It was a tender moment to feel all that we have been through together in our history and especially here in Mexico. We could feel how unique our bond is as men and to feel how we have had the shades drawn a bit on our own desire for other men to be a part of a larger roundtable of heart and soul kings.

So we took the intentional space to let go of what was, honor it deeply, and open our hearts to more. More real, more galactic, more men, and more More, whatever that turns out to be. It was another layer of deep healing between two men that seek to offer it to other men in search of the same. It felt personal, global, and galactic. All that was missing was the cigarette. (Yup…I said that.)

Raphael and I both open our heart and soul journeys to men and women alike who feel resonate (and even those who may not fully) to explore their own inner world, this one and beyond. To take steps to heal and inhabit the practical, emotional, and spiritual steps to enter into a new relationship with self, other, and the universe at large. To open up your own personal disclosure project, click on the link below for more information.

Thank you for being a part of our living room. We look forward to more connection with you.

Gabriel Heartman and Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Owning And Transmuting The Prison That Lies Within

When one has been denied freedom, whether in the form of prison or being captured, for a very long time, there is something that happens in the mind and heart of said soul. It is like a form of The Stockholm Syndrome where you have identified with the captor/imprisoner in the name of survival. Only, in this case, the bars are no longer in front of you but they continue to exist energetically anyway. They were all that was ever known.

I have been digesting this inside of myself the last couple of days, where I can feel aspects of me that have been used to a particular consciousness, or way of relating to the world both inner and outer. There are goggles that are placed on them that were not put on them against their will, but so that they could ‘deal’ with the very real reality of True Freedom that stands right in front of them. They are not oblivious to this reality. It has been a necessary part of a healing process.

If there is no matrix, or if there was never one to begin with, we are left to address our own ownership of that which we feel like is imprisoning us. We are left to reconcile that we are the captor and the captured both. We are highly efficient and powerful creators that can manifest more than we are able to let in so we can use the power of our projection to devise all sorts of excuses that can buffer us from that reality, that I hold as my personal truth.

As the dawn of the New Era is shining is a powerful Divine light upon us, the shadow of those prison bars is becoming increasingly clear. The truth behind their existence needs to be taken responsibility for or else they will continue to stand right where they are at. I hold that these limitations, these projections, these fears have all been necessary but no longer serviceable. They are held inside by parts of you that have a long and varied history with both persecution and being persecuted. Captor and being captured. Find, feel, and release the chains of these heart and soul beings so that they can be transmuted into the grandeur of love they truly ARE.

******

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Collapsing The Internal Tug Of War: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Sept 10, 2018)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

“Is it at all a possibility that an anxious feeling or thought about the future is actually more to do with a fear of letting go of something familiar in the present, a kind of projection onto the future?” ~ Raphael Awen, ‘Collapsing The Internal Tug Of War’

Launching this week’s Museletter is a piece by Raphael Awen, inviting you to feel any fears, anxiety, or push-pull you may have coming up around changes happening in your life, as parts of you whose realities are valuable and important to feel. He poignantly offers:

“When we go in to simply feel each part’s reality, without trying to fix anything, we feel the part that wants to stay in one place forever and we feel the part who has already long left the building. When these parts of us feel the feelings of what it feels like to be felt by us, their reality and energy simply shifts. The internal tug of war collapses, and life and love are free to flow again.”

Raphael and Jelelle Awen offered another Ascension live stream and Q&A this week, for which the recording is available for you to take in. They offered their perspectives on the Ascension process, emotional body/soul healing through parts work, and working with Metasoul aspects from other timelines. They also co-led a guided meditation to connect with high vibe energies and your Inner Protector at around 40 minutes in.

There are many new writings and recordings offered this week by Raphael and Jelelle along with Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna Colibri. Feel their perspectives on different energies coming in now and ongoingly and ways to feel the new possibilities for your personal healing and Ascension process.

Raphael, Jelelle and Gabriel offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. These sessions are available for $77 USD min. donation per session. More information can be found here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy receiving whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

The Alchemy & Illumination Of Our Reactivity

by Kalayna Colibri

It’s natural and human to have reactions. In this collective we’re part of today, with so much going on and being uncovered, having reactions is part of the gig of being here and expectedly so.

I could feel a message wanting to come through this morning about how we’re invited to BE with our reactivity. I felt the analogy of chemical reactions being offered… How they are wanted and provoked because they show the change of one substance into another, how they bring about healing in different contexts too. I like this analogy when it comes to feeling our own reactivity and how much we need it. Reactions tell us so much about ourselves and our souls, what pain lies beneath the surface, and invites us to see the beauty of our messes, inside and out, while we work to heal the wounds bringing around the reactions in the first place.

We’re here to react and feel our reactions. Reactivity is needed, as it tells us where to dig. The metal detector sounds an alarm when it senses metal on a sandy beach. We get to feel how this is related to our own mining for the parts of us that need us inside. Life is really one big ‘metal detector’ in that way, isn’t it? We’re being given tons of data in the form of reflections from our relationships, jobs, even our spiritual paths, that shows us where we next need to dig if we can find it within to go there. Our reactivity also tells us there’s something going on in this world at large or even just our inner worlds or social worlds that isn’t OK anymore and encourages us to set boundaries wherever needed. Feeling outrage is a kind of reaction. Wanting to fight or go to war or even just shut down altogether are other kinds. Parts of us might feel these ways and understandably so, especially as we move through this phase of 4D awakening rumbles and shakes and into the next of really letting in New Earth/5D frequencies as our daily reality.

What it feels like we’re witnessing and part of right now, is a megalithic vat of intense chemical and alchemical reactions, all happening as part of the sacred process of change and evolution. Denying our parts the right to have their reactions denies them the possibility of feeling what’s underneath them and healing what we’ve come here to heal. Being illuminated for us now too, is the difference between reactivity and actual feeling, which is key to this process of healing. Instead of choosing to fight or lash-out because that’s the impulse in the moment, we’re invited to feel this energy as coming from a part of us that is afraid of being vulnerable and feeling what he/she actually needs from us or from others or both. The outrage against the world or your relationships may be what’s needed for a phase, yet we’re invited to move out of these cycles of reaction through feeling the pain beneath it and aching it out in the arms of Divine love and self love.

Our reactions and the reactions vibrating in the collective are opportunities to feel where love is being resisted and yet where it most wants to flow. It is up to us all individually how we choose to download and interpret this data coming in and how we’d like to BE with it as it digests and the dust being kicked up by it settles onto the newly emerging ground of expanding love consciousness and ability to let real love in.

Much love! ❤

~

If you’re feeling awareness emerge for you of your reactivity and your curious how this applies to your parts and your Metasoul, my beloveds offer exquisite and illuminating space holding sessions that are also very affordable. For more information, you can visit this page: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session.

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Hearth Of My Opening Heart: A Poem

by Kalayna Colibri

c: September 2016

Tremors move from your heart space to mine.
An overflow. A love place.
A warm hut with a burning fire.
I seek to understand what I cannot yet,
what I may not ever,
what I may know in spite of myself.
There is a garden behind the heart door.
A secret wooden manifestation of many years of collapsing memories and ever-arising lessons.
Love waits for me there,
with more surprises,
with tourniquets,
with salves,
with the ointment of new life and renewal of my essence’s light.

As the door creaks open wide,
I feel the dust fall from my shoulders, into my healing palms Where I can see it.
Where I can feel it.
Where I can touch its textures and hold it close
As it cries full tears of rippling red shadow pulses and black and blue figures dusty in their own rite
Peeling off the once invisible armors they treasured for so long.

Disarmed yet newly anchored in the safety of my own now opening heart
I rest amongst the silk cushions and wait by the roar of the fireplace
Until you come knocking.

After filling your pockets with your own dusty past and present
And rimming your heart with the sugar-coated candy of a caramel-filled chocolate,
Bringing your sticky-sweetness out to be tasted,
I will meet you here, my love.

In brightness and darkness, with sweets and savories I will wait.
I will work.
I will pry my heart open first for me,
Then for you,
And together we will find the fumbling and not-knowing
To be the greatest fun we ever had
And the biggest challenge we have ever faced,
And the greatest dragon we have ever owned on our own, Together, and with the Divine.

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Journal With Nine: Healing The Symbol Projection

I felt inspired to have another go at conversing with the number 9 this morning. I felt a personal connection to its message and felt there was more to feel into with it. There was such an interesting response to it that I wasn’t totally expecting. I have not had a real deep relationship to numbers in my past and I haven’t taken to doing much ‘research’ on the matter. In a way, it keeps it pure and just arises from whatever comes from my heart. I encourage anyone who has a more intimate connection with numbers to do this very same thing and see what arises.

On that note I will check in with Nine and see how it is feeling today and where we might go:

Good morning Nine. Do you prefer the word or the number?

9: That is an interesting question. I guess it all depends on which perspective you want to come from. A more literary and poetic heart space or a more mathematical, paternal place.

Hmmmm….so you have a masculine and a feminine?

9: Well, don’t you?

Yeah, I do. I guess I never really thought of it in regards to a number, but when you put it that way it totally makes sense.

9: It also doesn’t have to make sense either. It is a question that leads us on a quest, just like Raphael always says.

Yeah, I like that. So we are questing. Getting to feel and understand each other and how we relate to each other through this dialogue.

9: Sure. Why not? You gotta hot date with Kalayna?

Well, every moment is a hot date with Kalayna. She is into this too so it is all a part the dance.

9: Yes, a dance. (Good answer with the hot date thing… 😉 That is what this exploration is. You and I are both a consciousness. I get my awareness and aliveness through you and I thus affect you. We can spend a lot of time exploring the technical nature of my numerology and that has its value and purpose, but taking that understanding and diving a bit deeper into how I, as a number, have an effect on a particular heart is a feminine approach.

I was feeling that distinctly yesterday in our conversation. I could feel a part of me wondering if I needed to do some research into what you ‘mean’ and yet I got a whole lot of meaning out of our encounter yesterday. I could feel how others who responded had their own intimate relationship with you that spanned a spectrum of reaction.

9: I do seem to have that effect on people. I am a very intense yet magical number if I do say so myself. I have a lot of stuff going on! Mathematically speaking I have a lot of parts! I house a lot of powerful energy and that be like riding a bucking bronco. So I understand the intense reactions that others have about me showing up in their lives. Or even being identified as me.

Yeah, I wanted to ask you about that. How do you feel about that?

9: Well, of course, there is an honor in it. But there is a lot of projection and over-identification that can arise. There is something that is meant to be understood about the nature of being drawn to a number but it doesn’t mean that one is meant to be determined by it. I only hold the power that one gives to me. If I represent chaos and that is all that one chooses to relate to me as then there is no room for what else I stand for which is the process of moving beyond into the new. This is where the feminine side of feeling wants to come in and hold space for the fear that is backed up in my name. I don’t want to be a reason why people are suffering. That is not what I am about.

Wow. I feel some of your own backed up truth in there Nine.

9: Yeah, I can feel that too, Gabriel. I can feel that for any idea/concept be it numerological, astrological, angelic, etc. We get all bound up in this intense energy that is not the nature of what we are meant to represent. We are change and stability both. Never meant to stay in a rut. I got this yesterday from you when you mentioned my curiosity of what it is like to be 10. I am not a victim to my location on a number line. I am more than that. I am energy. I am a symbol that is not set in stone. I can shift. Hell, turn me upside down and I am a six! How is that for multidimensionality? Thanks for letting me feel that Gabriel. I feel how I may have been holding a lot more than my share of this dynamic. An inner need of mine to be seen as valuable and wanted. I want to feel that in and of myself. And my parts. All 9 of them! Hmmm…9 lives.

I had no idea that we going here today Nine. I still have so many other curiosities about you and maybe we just needed the space to feel into this together.

9: I feel open to where this is meant to go Gabriel. I feel a big release here and that helps me to feel more of my own value as a number in relation to the human heart. Whew!. This is powerful work you are doing, my friend. I think it is time to let this breath and we can catch up tomorrow if that arises. I can feel how all these symbols could use a good cleanse, Gabriel. This could be your thing!

That would be interesting. Not sure I can make a living on holding space for symbols but I am open to what it offers us. You are magical being and I am blessed to have stumbled onto this with you. All in Divine Nining.

9: Hmmm….not sure about that one there, Gabriel. I like the effort, however. Before we leave I did want others to know that having their own personal connection with me would be very healing. I am open to connecting with them through their own hearts and computers. I am good with pen and paper too. Brings me back to the old days.

Ah, that feels like a great invitation Nine. Thank you. I look forward to what arises next in the space between us. We have a whole month in your honor!

9: Oooff! That is a lot of change coming our way. Okay! We got this!

*******

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

9/10 Energies Invite Moving On, Seeing Next Process Steps

By Kalayna Colibri

Today 9 turns into 10… it feels like a double-helix of new beginnings and taking everything you’ve learned and moved through to the next level while the old continues to move. This means applying all that you are now in all of the relationships you have… which could mean completing some, while deepening or even just beginning others.

I feel in myself a new beginning arising inside from much work and dedication to going inward, looking in the books and crannies and rather dark places. This work isn’t over and actually, I don’t want it to be. Yet I’ll take this new platform, this emerging foundation and these brand new wings out for a spin and feel all there is to feel in the process of that.

This is something I feel for many right now. You could be coming out of a deep emotional or physical process or both… I’ve always found that the two are inevitably linked. You could be popping through another ceiling of awakening and trying to integrate what you’ve been realizing and noticing about yourself, your soul, the world, your Star family, etc.

There’s a ton of support coming in, always, to help us feel all of this and more. The way you can let in this support is by feeling the parts of you in resistance to it. Resistance to love can be subtle. We all have resistance in some form or other, yet it’s how we relate to and feel that resistance that matters and has the most opportunity for growth, maturity, and letting in more love.

What reflections is life offering you now of where you’re on deck to go next in your personal process? We need these reflections to see what’s going on with us, as it’s not possible to see everything, every cluttered corner of your heart and soul, completely on your own. Life is a hall of mirrors, always.

As we move into this 9-10 day, let’s remember that we are ALL working to love our shadows and hidden places, feel what needs love inside of us, and that we are also always given a ton of love to help us see and be with this process. Nobody is exempt from this, yet we all get to choose how and if we accept the invitation to dive deeper and fly higher.

It’s your graduation day… just as every day could be. A graduation into your next phase of becoming more love and serving love too!

Much love! 💜

~

My beloveds, Raphael, Gabriel and Jelelle are all very gifted space holders with magnificent hearts that are ready to offer deep support and illumination in collaboration with you, your parts, your own heart and soul. For more information, visit this page: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session ❤️

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.