Tag: consciousness awakening

Feeling The Inner Masculine Q&A & Guided Meditation (Live Stream Video Recording)

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

https://youtu.be/kSEcTqUsAAs

SoulFullHeart Co-Founder, Facilitator, Teacher, and WayShower, Kalayna Colibri, held a live stream on June 5th, 2018 to share about her personal process with feeling her Inner Masculine parts and invite you to begin feeling your own, as a man or a woman. She also leads a short guided meditation to meet your Inner Masculine in whatever form or energy he is ready to be seen by you in, and answers some questions about the process of feeling your Inner Masculine.

This process is one of feeling the different ways in which your conditioning from the predominantly patriarchal culture you’ve grown up in has expressed in your life, often in strong suppression of your Inner Feminine, whether you are a man or a woman. This means suppression of your emotionality, of emotions being OK, of flowing with life without needing to try and control outcomes or only a very linear sense of how life should be or should go. The Inner Masculine expresses in the form of many different parts of you, including typically the Inner Protector, especially as a first pathway into this aspect of your being. The Inner Masculine is meant to be negotiated with though, not overridden or ‘fought’ with. There is plenty of need inside of you for the Masculine, especially in an inner Sacred Union experience with your Feminine.

For more on the Inner Masculine, parts, and Metasoul Aspects too, we have much writing on this blog! You can also visit this page on the SoulFullHeart website: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, WayShower, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Awakenings Invite Integration, Not Avoidance Of Life

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

https://youtu.be/atTa90oRftE

Awakenings are not meant to be a ride into a ‘Neverland’ experience where you are exempt from life in some form because you have crossed into newly expanded consciousness.

Awakenings are an invitation into an integration of soul and body, spirit and matter, that is often SO challenging because you cannot pass through a birth canal without some oomph.

You still have to put your pants on and walk out your door… find ways to move through your life’s challenges with grace (though not always with ‘ease’), take phenomenal risks that maybe nobody who came before you in your 3D-based bloodline has ever dreamed of, maybe trip here and there, yet still find ways to come back to that YOU inside of you that your parts have been waiting for to show up consistently.

Not one area of your life can be avoided when on this path as love doesn’t caretake the compartments parts of you have carefully made for the phases of life in which they needed to make them. Awakenings open the doorway for love to flood your life’s compartments and your parts need you to show up for the pain this can cause them. This is a real, visceral sense of the integration invitation from awakenings… and it’s all held in something much, much bigger that you’re now getting a taste of.

And then, when you’re truly ready from the inside-out (NOT outside-in through certifications or any official word from anyone or anything outside of you) you WILL be called upon to embody this service of love you’ve been offering to yourself and offer it to others. And this… this will be the deepest, grandest awakening of all… That you are living into your healing in order to support and connect with others in their own… because we are all inescapably LOVE — made of love, bathed in love, and given love in every single moment of every single breath on this sacred and beloved planet we call “Gaia” and every single one of us, along with every single PART of us, deserves to remember and embody THIS to the deepest degree that they possibly can in this and any other lifetime. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Guided Meditation Video To Meet Your Shadow Aspects W/ Jelelle Awen

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

by Jelelle Awen

 

Your shadow contains aspects of you that have been disowned, put away, judged, rejected, protected, and suppressed. Also in shadow can be your soul gifts, soul purpose clarities, and your ‘power’. There are always ‘good reasons’ for this putting away into shadow based on conditioning you’ve received from 3D life and even other lifetimes/timelines, in addition to undigested traumas and karmic patterns. The Ascension process invites you to uncover, feel, and integrate your shadow aspects with love, compassion, and curiousity. Rather than bypass the shadow, it is about embracing it with self love and Divine support.

In this video, SoulFullHeart Teacher, Facilitator, and Author Jelelle Awen leads you on a guided meditation to connect with your shadow. She provides a space of loving support, with help from Archangel Metatron and Mother Mary for you to safely navigate these grounds, to pull back the veil to remember, and to lead this exploration yourself.

You also invite the part of you called the Inner Protector to come along with you on the journey. The Protector can be hesitant and resistant to going deeper into this ground due to concerns about your ability to handle what comes up. This part of you gets to be by your side in this shadow exploration, which can make a big difference in the depth and ways you will feel and digest it. More about the Protector here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

This is the music gratefully used in this video: https://youtu.be/FOOqiUbjr2k

For the latest writings, blogs and videos and information about SoulFullHeart Unity Meditation calls and other events, visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

For information about a bridging session with Jelelle Awen, a free intro, and ongoing sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator through our programs, visit
http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Don’t miss a thing! Get SoulFullHeart’s free weekly Museletter with all our writings and videos from the week via email through subscribing at http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

We gratefully receive any love in the form of money that you’d like to donate to support our offerings: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Ascending At The Pace Of Your Growing Self-Love

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

Sometimes it’s the baby steps that bring you the most into yourself and into healing, not to mention into an opening-out consciousness that expands and expands. There can be so much pressure coming from inside, especially perhaps from Inner Punisher parts of you, who like to sometimes make things seem as if they ‘should have’ been done yesterday, which is so based on deep conditioning taken in from being raised in a capitalist culture, where the wounded masculine rules and the RULES are what matter, not the heart, not the motive, not the roots of anything or anybody…

I feel to talk about taking smaller steps into our Ascension today, because even though in a way everything is being accelerated, it can feel at times like you are moving at a snail’s pace or barely moving at all. In fact, this judgment is one that comes from inside of you… from parts of you that are actually quite afraid of the natural momentum of it all and are having a push-pull experience, with some parts of you wanting Ascension and others not, and all for very good reasons too. If we feel a need to move faster, expand bigger, reach higher, and all in a way that goes beyond our current limits (self-imposed or not) we aren’t being self-loving and the boomerang effect of then needing to go back and redo or reinhabit different life phases along the way that parts of us have tried to skip is often in order as result. Ascension invites us to love ourselves into deep change that starts WITHIN and moves from the inside, out… not the outside, in. It invites us to let in the ways in which love has NOT been on the inner agenda and other energies have been settled for instead, especially in our relationships to each other and our relationship to ourselves and our parts.

There is no ideal pace in this ongoing process and in fact it feels like it is quite different for everyone. As you continue your inner healing, the anchors to 3D let go one by one in self-loving ways… the inner walls are dismantled brick by brick, while being held and honoured for all they have been needed to protect and keep sacred inside. As this all heals and lets go, the hot air balloon begins to more powerfully move us upward into organically arising moments of expansion in our consciousness and awareness of our multi-dimensionality!

There are so many ways and opportunities we are given to ‘pop’ into a new awareness or awakening experience. Some experience this in tremendous moments of momentum and others’ souls opt for the ‘drip line’ experience, where awakenings occur in some doses and in a way that is easy to digest. Some will have a mixed-bag in their ongoing process, as has been the case for me. Yet it all needs to be self-lovingly integrated or parts of you will go off the rails quite literally, which in some cases is actually what’s needed, yet the more self-loving we can be with this integration and the more tenderly we can hold our precious parts in the process, the better.

In a way, we actually owe it to parts of us, whose worlds we have dismantled and reassembled in many ways as we experience Ascension and deep healing processes, to really BE with them in all of this and give them the space to breathe around what they have experienced and what is being shaken up for them. Parts of you are what have made you, YOU… they have given you the gifts of personality and their increased sense of rest is what helps bring them back in, into integration with your heart and soul, which is ultimately not a part but an arising BEingness that can continue ascending in an authentic and ever-expanding way.

No matter if we choose the baby steps or the giant leaps, we are invited to feel ourselves, to be as self-loving as we can be in every moment, and to feel what that even means through a process of being with what HASN’T been the most self-loving response to life (or love!) inside of us. No matter what we choose, we are on a trajectory of healing and returning to the love that we are, so why not find ways to embrace every step, every part we encounter along the way, and find the fountain of self-love, reverence and appreciation that we are being pointed to on our very individual and powerful journeys?

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling Your Protective Layers As Downloads Rain Inward – 11/11 Gateway Invitation

Published on by Kasha Rosa3 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

Frederic_Edwin_Church_Rainy_Season_in_the_Tropics_700

 

https://youtu.be/f_z3Y5mPNwU

NEW inspirations are downloading for you now. Sometimes they trickle in like a light rain from bloated rainclouds. It depends on what you’re ready for and what parts of you are opening up to. Your Gatekeeper, who is another layer of your Inner Protector, gages and siphons off these downpours and INpours of INspiration that want to come to you, to move you into new places in your life, to help you see and make those tough choices and take those challenging steps to reclaim, re-energize and reignite the flame of self-empowerment and love.

The energies leading up to the portal of 11/11 this weekend feel like a soft caress and rock music, all at the same time… there is understanding and love from the Divine and the Multi-verse, and there’s a strong invitation to shake off the dust and awaken to where love is flowing in your life and where it may not be. It’s not a violent shake, yet for some parts of you it may feel that way in moments, as the awakenings come in and take hold of your consciousness, or at least try to. Doorways, portals opening, yes, as they have been continuously, and the most powerful one imaginable is the one that begins to open up to a wider aperture inside of you. This is the one that truly invites in more energies, more upgrades, more loving ways to be in this world. It brings in desires to tread gently yet powerfully, acknowledging how this can seem like a paradox to those who haven’t experienced that you can hold both of these frequencies at once without violence or outrage or wounded masculine expressions of toil and strife, or battles and martyrdom.

If you feel ready for the downloads coming in, you can ask for them, but you cannot bypass what needs to be felt before they can integrate in the way they need and want to. For them to truly go in with love takes a lot of conscious and ongoing holding of the parts of you that don’t want them to or aren’t sure it’s okay. Your Gatekeeper, who I mentioned earlier, is the main aspect of you that is used to holding and blocking so many threads of your potential awakening that they haven’t deemed you to be ready for quite yet (and that they haven’t been ready to let in themselves, either).

My own Gatekeeper, who I first came to know as a defensive Inner Protector or Guardian, is offering to me that my readiness is ripening after what has now been several months of working with her, yet several years of working with parts of me that were dominant aspects of my personality. She says, “the soul and heart maturity level need to match with the maturity level of the arising, conscious Sacred Human, who is striving for spiritual consciousness, not in a mentally-based way, and is deeply exploring their heart and wanting to know more, FEEL more, about who they are and why, who/what the Divine is and why, as well as who they could be destined to become in conscious and empowered co-creation with the Divine… It is important to let in the process AND the downloads, to not simply try and open floodgates that are meant to and need to be there… for now. And too, the Gatekeeper needs to feel this relationship with you as your healing Sacred Human self, to trust the Divine through and with you, as so many (myself included at times, in some layers…) still feel very consciously and unfairly separated from the Divine and therefore, from the powerful force and trance of love that wants so much to flood into you and them too.”

It is a major process to feel into, this acceptance of what is being brought in, and there are many understandable defenses that want to keep it out or filter it in a way that is perhaps more digestible for now. There is nothing that can truly be missed out on here though, as each opening within you does create this ever-widening and expanding portal of access to YOU and to the Infinite Love that is the Uni and Multi-verse we exist in and through.

So perhaps the greatest invitation and inspiration being extended to us all with this 11/11 portal, is more of the same of what comes in with all of them… to continue to acknowledge and deepen the work within, to let it be and arise and take a stronger, more self-loving hold on your heart and soul. To invite in a reality that is heart-based, that works with the mind and not against it, and with the soul in a more sober way. There is so much still to feel and on the other side of that, so much more to just keep letting in as we continue our paths of deep inner transformation that continuously transform and upgrade our entire world as we kNOW it and rediscover it, today. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Spirituality And The 3D Self

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

seed

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2U2wKwpPMOQ

 

The 3D self says,

“I don’t always believe in ‘god’… unless of course, it’s a literal god, one who has very black and white ways of punishing or rewarding us as humans and has given us very clear rules through people we don’t question. Sometimes I feel punished or rewarded for goodness or badness. Sometimes I don’t feel much of anything and just want to be left alone… because ultimately, I do feel alone. I don’t get a visceral sense of ‘god’ or ‘god-ness’ and I usually feel drawn to compartmentalizing god too… leaving ‘him’ to when I attend church on Sundays or at Christmas, for example. Sometimes I like retreats because they don’t challenge me to live with the spirituality every day and the 4D self can at least be sort of satiated for a while by them, or at least it can seem so. Letting in the Divine scares me because I don’t quite know or understand what that means, and I really feel mostly like it would mean losing everything I’ve built or bought or earned – relationships, career, things, etc. I don’t feel or find anything ‘spiritual’ or purposeful in the every day, and most of the time this suits me just fine… if god doesn’t bother me, I won’t bother ‘him’. Life seems like an uncontrollable thing at times, and yet totally controllable in others… or at least, I’ve convinced myself I have control when I really don’t. And if I truly let that in, I would crumble – or at least I’m afraid I would.

I live in systems made of my fears and the fears of others, that are led and maintained by the most afraid members of society. God is unknowable and unseeable, but money is and relationships are, and family is too. I can see and touch and smell material things and food that I want. I can’t see or touch who made them or harvested them or at least not often, and I don’t want to look that far into anything. I want what I want in this moment and beyond that, I don’t care. To truly be in touch with ‘god’ would mean having to see more than I do now. I don’t think I want that.

You’re born, you live, you die. I don’t think much about what happens after that. All I care about is where my next fun is coming from, in the form of food, sex, or something material that shows me I’m worth something. How does ‘god’ have a chance to enter that, and why would I want ‘him’ to?”

Sometimes, as we walk into and through different chapters of 4D awakening, where spirituality then becomes a subject fraught with questions and soul rebirth canals, we inhabit a 3D reality which is essentially ‘god-less’, at least in the sense of having a daily, visceral experience of god or the Divine in different forms and energies. You may feel yourself weaving in and out of a more 3D reality of the ‘god picture’ along the way, sometimes feeling as if life is wonder-less, and that you don’t have much sense of the Divine in your life right now. This can feel really dense and as if there is a ceiling over you and sometimes you may even have physical reactions to this reality, like intense head pain, along with some emotional reactions from parts of you to different situations in your life where things don’t seem to be going the way you or part of you wants them to. As we awaken, we begin to separate out from this ‘self’ that would rather not hold a personal sort of ‘god’ experience and also the different parts that hold this as their only possible reality. The 3D self doesn’t seem to vanish, however, though it does heal more and more and gradually integrates into our daily reality and our being in a different way. Our 3D self represents ‘this-life’ wounds and pain, though it may not always feel that consciously or if it does, it may seek therapy or some form of self-help that won’t ultimately reach the deepest aspects of what needs to heal. It needs us, inside of our 4D or 5D selves, to help bridge it to something deeper and actually be with it there too, not trying to suppress or abandon it, which we can’t really do anyways.

The 3D self can sometimes make itself hard to love. It has a way in which it has built formidable walls and can feel unreachable in the sense of feeling it deeply beyond a surface-level sense of success, failure, loss, gain, happiness at getting what it wants, sadness when it doesn’t. It very seldom holds a deep compassion towards itself or others. This may not be true of all 3D selves, but for most of them, this feels like what needs to be felt, held and reconciled within each.

Ascension, in my sense of it, means inviting the 3D self to come along, loving it the whole way. This love can’t be false because this ‘self’ won’t buy it if it is, or might pretend to for a time but in the end, it won’t be deeply moved by anything you offer it. It is so often an energy of protective disbelief. Loving it begins with feeling one part of you at a time, and feeling your way into the love that wants to flow into and through you and wrap around it too. From this place, comes our deepest, purest sense of spirituality, which has always been there somehow, though the days and moments come when we feel it has left us or isn’t accessible. These phases are as much a part of our journey as the highest heights are, and every bit as sacred.

To learn more about working with and healing your 3D self, you can visit our website, http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for a sense of how we hold the process and what the SoulFullHeart process is in and of itself. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Lion’s Gate: The ‘Roar’ Of Your Intention Comes Alive Now

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

lionsgate8-8

 

When you can set your intention like a beacon love for yourself, and hold that it IS possible though for parts of you it may feel impossible, this is what brings about the changes that you are asking for and holding out for. It is not an accident, that conversation you’re having with another about what you most want deep inside of you. It is a care-filled conjuring of what is right for you, what needs to come to and through you next…

For me, it is about embodying adulthood in a deeper way than I have been able to before, though I have technically been an ‘adult’ for many years now. It is not age that matures you or offers you wisdom, it is your willingness to go inward, to find and feel your heart even when it is in shadows and seems covered in infinite brambles and sharp vines. Your protector has worked hard to keep parts of you in a sort of stasis, to keep you in a level of heart-immaturity and with good reason too… how can a heart, like a beautiful, tropical fruit or flower, ripen or open in conditions where it isn’t being nourished?

I feel like the seed of my truest heart was planted many years ago and transplanted over different phases of seeking and healing. Finding the SoulFullHeart soil has helped me in countless ways, to bring my soul and gifts to fruition and deep awakening. It does feel like this Lion’s Gate portal opening today and all month, is here to help us plant and cultivate, reaping rewards while feeling ourselves and our needs on all levels. It is a maturation process that is ultimately about our Ascension and is also about reconciling who we have been, who we are now and who we most want to be.

Today feels like it could be a day where some feel the need for an outbound ROAR! that comes up from the bowels of everything they’ve long held and no longer wish to. It is the ROAR! of an inner protector that is DONE or wants to be done, it is the ROAR! of your precious inner teenager who has held so many years of rebellion or perhaps an avoidance of rebellion in order to conform and find safety or find ways to buck the system. It is the ROAR! of a deeper awakening on the inside that gets to come outward, finally.

Today also feels like for some it will be a day of a quiet roar inside, of a sweeter inner collapse that means parts of you are ready to be stiller now, to let you in more now, to lay on the soft grass of healing, snuggling with the rest of the inner lions in your Pride. This is the softer ‘roar’ of arrival into a higher place where the battles are done and the much needed rest time can happen… this is the roar of your long awaited healing and maturation process, where you can play more and feel more of your belovedness, though sometimes the roar of boundary setting with others or even with parts of you may still need to happen from this place.

No matter what the blessed ‘roar’ of inner change you are embodying today, it is ALL sacred, and you ARE arriving at a new place in yourself and in your life. Your intentions are ringing clearer and your drive to continue healing and loving is what is setting your sails now for new horizons of self and connection with others.

LOVE to you on this glorioUS day… ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Energies Invite Us Into A New Kind Of ‘Strength’ From Within

Published on by Kasha Rosa7 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

Alessandro Sanna

Painting by Alessandro Sanna

Our self-doubts run deep within a river of rejection fears and wounds. This river rises more and more as these energies swirling around us come in to shake it up, bring it up, flush it out. Having days that feel like everything inside of you is against you is part of this process… there are parts of you that want you to feel them, finally, in their turmoil. They want to be loved in spite of their spiky armor and seen for more than just the pain they hold. They want you to show up for them, to show them that they have worth so that in your very being, you can feel this worth deeply, inhabit it, live by it, and never compromise it again. So much inside of you wants and aches for your advocacy from you to you, to stop the madness for each part of you and Metasoul aspect too.

The image of the ‘Heart Warrior’ is another superhero that parts of you want to lean into, yet it too is an archetype of invulnerability that pushes away love. Yes, there is a ‘hero’ inside of you that shows up somehow to feel YOU for the first time in the form of these precious parts of your being, heart, and soul, and yet the famed ferocity is for naught. It is only a picture of what is needed to cut through the din within, but not the sword of love. Love needs no sword. Love comes in anyway, sneaks under your fence posts, doesn’t need to shield itself and certainly doesn’t need a weapon. Love will win the wrestling match, even though parts of you try to prolong it for years, decades, centuries on end, pushing aside its mirrors, following only the habitual flow back into patterns of old that have yet to bring you the joy and fulfillment you’ve wanted.

There wouldn’t be a way to feel all there is to feel without a strengthening happening within – an energy that cannot be broken by any outside force and eventually no inside one either. It is a way to feel that all you’re feeling does have purpose and that the gauntlet you’re walking out is the training ground you need. This is a strong metaphor, yes, because this is what it feels like to truly be in process in these moments where so much is surfacing. It feels as tough as it is, as it has had to be. Parts of you have built walls to keep the flood waters of feeling out, yet here they are blowing apart your inner dams and bringing you to a new surface above it all where none of it is transcended, yet held, owned, taken responsibility for, and healed over different phases of life.

We are not only being cleared out by Ascension energies, but we are being strengthened, toned, given new legs to stand on too. What is moving needs to be replaced, not only by crystalline cells but also by a new stance, a brand new way of standing with a strength that doesn’t need battles to prove itself, only a continual advocacy for and with love. It’s an ongoing invitation to no longer seek and find reasons to go to war,  yet to feel and love the parts of you that want to and have become very good at it over the years.

It’s time to flow into the inner rivers of pain and wounding, to find yourself on a new shore, renewed and more alive than ever before. To let it all surface takes more strength than burying it and you can so trust that it’s all leading you somewhere safer, LOVElier, better.

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Collapsing And Awakening Into Deeper Spiritual Consciousness

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

By Kalayna Colibri

the_awakening_by_anatofinnstark-d9r2on3

Painting: The Awakening by Anato Finnstark

“Am I real?”

I laid in my twin bed in a room temporarily shared with my soul friend Gabriel, around this time last year, sobbing. This question rang inside of me as I wept uncontrollable, deep tears. I couldn’t track if it was a part of me and in that moment and the moments that followed, it really didn’t matter. I was crying and shedding layers of persona that came pouring off and out of me. Something was moving, though I wasn’t sure what.

It felt so strange to hold this question… it was a true, ‘wow, I feel so f*cked!’ kind of feeling. The ground that had been established for 29 years of my life, many years of spiritual seeking and emotional exploration, was suddenly in deep question. Who was I? Who AM I? Why did I suddenly feel as if I ‘knew’ so little when it came to spirituality, even after so many years of studying this and intuiting that, and listening to this teacher and that teacher?

This work in SoulFullHeart is deconstructive. It brings you to the point where the parts of you that have been shouldering your life and also your spirituality like Atlas shoulders the Earth decide they can’t do ‘it’ anymore. They let in that they aren’t now and perhaps have never been who they thought they were – meaning that now, you can begin to feel that YOU are not who you thought you were. Wow. Even after years of process and doing this piece by piece, part by part, these moments of pure tears of awakening within are not something that can be predicted, they just need to be given the space to happen.

As my tears continued, I thought about Jelelle and Raphael sleeping in a nearby room. I saw them as light beams in their essences. I could feel the identities we each have and need to have to some extent as a costume we sign up for and wear throughout our lives. As humans, we wear our stories like cloaks around our shoulders, and some of us have zippers in these cloaks to bring them in tighter to us. Either way, it’s a costume and it’s temporary. This washed over me, especially while connecting with Gabriel who heard my tears and felt to come over to check on me. I could feel his heart and the heart of Raphael and Jelelle too. I could feel the purifying work we’ve been doing, and I could feel how this is what allows us to go into these spaces when necessary, to fill back up with love again and a deeper sense of our essence.

This experience was visceral for me. It cannot be dissected or analyzed. It was a precious new beginning and recognition of what real spirituality is… it is not something that lives in the mind, though the mind is needed to help us understand somehow,  even though our consciousness can never fully reach out and ‘know’ or understand everything. The mind is also here to help us picture, envision, plan what’s next for us (as much as we even CAN plan these days!). My own mind was collapsing in these moments last year, telling me it was tired. My heart was collapsing and yet strengthening too, telling me it was tired of trying to go beyond itself and into territory that doesn’t resonate or make sense to it in an experiential way.

This was an awakening. This was and is a place where many of us are heading in different strata of our being and the layers of awakening are going to move through us, as they need to and as we ask for them to.

We are dismantling and collapsing and we have MUCH to feel in the process. Our worlds, inner and outer, are in question in poignant moments of disclosure and revelation. We are all awakening, we are all letting go to let in, even if we aren’t fully aware of it. We are not here to criticize one another for wherever it is we choose to go or not go. We are not here to condemn, ridicule or cast aside. We are here to feel ourselves first, to begin entering this process of self-disclosure and discovery, with help, with mirrors, with advocacy, with tears, and with joy too. If we serve love, we are not always positive or optimistic, but we are real, only becoming realer and realer, until the overflow of a heart that wants and receives from self can then serve love to other, assisting them in their own journey of finding this flow within. It is becoming harder and harder to NOT be real now. We are no longer able to spend the currency of the false, at least not for much longer.

How amazing it is, to be able to go here and come out the other side with a deeper sense of love and what it truly offers us… when I look back on this last year of my life since this process, I can see the ways in which it helped to fuel some big shifts inside of me, some of which are still landing deeper and deeper in my soul.

All awakenings we have, no matter how intense, are here to help conduct us through a necessary birth canal that leads us to our most desired outcomes and a deep sense of spirituality that humbles and loves us beyond anything we can begin to fathom – until we collapse into the capacity to do so…

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Expanding Beyond The Ceiling You’ve Known

Published on by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

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Along this path of healing, we start realizing that there is something higher than the ceiling we’ve been used to… the feeling of who we are, the stories we’ve been, this starts to fade ever so slightly while we wait for more to come in and shake out the old, once rigid approaches to every aspect of life: love, relationships, money, work, time, nature, etc.

There’s a turn towards a new importance, a focus on something above and around what you’ve felt was your normal. Even the normal ups and downs of every day, where reactions to various people and situations are so common place you may not really notice them or question why they are there. This is not meant to be tricky or hard to do… this tracking arises as its meant to and we can choose to shift or stay where we are, yet that ceiling above us keeps wanting to rise and rise, nonetheless!

I feel for myself how I’m in this very process right now, where there is a desire to reach up higher, beyond what I’ve previously felt possible inside parts of me. It’s a desire to ascend with my entire being, my whole heart, my very insides joining in with my outsides. My closest relationships lead the way for me to feel and BEcome this more and more, as I’ve worked for this place of BEing with them as my personal growth deepens and expands, both… I can feel my leadership arising anew, looking and feeling much different than I ever thought or dreamed it would. In some ways it’s in its infancy and yet in other ways I’m already there.

Reaching out and up, touching the places above and beyond the immediate notions of who I am and who YOU are… there is much more to discover as the flowerbeds inside are tilled and shifted. The places of waiting are collapsing into places of new arrivals, new waves of immediate coming-ins, even while the goings-out are felt and at times mourned too. So much to let in and let go of too, making room for only MORE, not less. There is no “less”, now, though parts of you may still experience life this way. There isn’t less money, there is only room for MORE! There aren’t less relationships in our lives, there is just space for ones with MORE resonance and love!

The lighting up of our very BEings is happening at an exponential rate, a quickening pace, if we can continue opening up our petals to let more sunshine in. Today, this is my focus as I continue holding classes with my English students, hold a SoulFullHeart facilitant, hold my dog and her needs and hold myself and what I WANT and NEED in this upcoming and already ongoing chapter of newly accepted yumminess and possibilities… a day and yet a whole life too of response and moving UPward as each new moment dawns and each new experience beckons my heart to keep pressing forward into a more central place in my very full (and yet filling up!) life.

This invitation I feel inside is welling up to call to the beacons inside of everyone I have the chance to touch in some way… including any of you taking this in. We ARE called to more and more and still more than parts of us are ready to imagine possible, especially when they have been so used to suffering and feeling as if the ceiling above them is pressing downward (when it really wants to be moving upward). The next level of consciousness to climb up into is at your heart’s doorstep, calling you out to play, wanting you to join in with its chorus of feeling life as fun, alive and beyond your as yet dreamed dreams. Maybe you’ll move your ceiling upward today, just as I too am working towards. The connections there to self and other smell, feel and so seem worth it to reach for again and again, until the way becomes clear and the movements towards it become abundant and ultimately, unstoppable. ❤

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.