You Can’t Steer A Parked Car

volkswagen-1031093__340

By Raphael Awen

The reason your next steps may not feel so clear is that a part of you has been resisting the natural movement, the flow, the direction.

An all too common way parts of us do this is to focus on the ‘impossibility’ of the big step as a way to not take any small steps. Big steps are just a series of small steps.

You can’t steer a parked car and a parked car cannot take you anywhere.

The small steps are crucial to confirming guidance, building trust and being en-couraged to take the next steps. Big movements are always a process, rather than an epic end-of-life-as-you-know-it, mammoth, swallow-you-whole kind of choice that a part of you may be amping it up to be.

If life is in fact facing you with a life or death kind of choice, I venture to say that that is what a part of you has created by resisting the many small choice points along the way. Life never gives you what you cannot bear, but the opposite can sure seem true when we haven’t been paying attention. Parts of us then can play victim to life and change in a seemingly all-too-real reality, hiding the fact we created that reality.

A decision to leave a partner or a marriage shouldn’t be what stops you from beginning to bring your truth, both to yourself and to your mate. Start there and see where that leads. What changes can you embrace in your career while feeling and not denying the desire to leave that career?

Life at its core is about change. Trying to be in life with a resistive relationship with change is like trying to stop the wind. You can resist change, but you only end up resisting yourself and where change wants to take you.

When you don’t change, you become more and more uninteresting to yourself, others and even to life itself too. You are contributing less to the community you are a part of and so naturally you feel less safe and less trusting that life will reciprocate and meet your needs. Your anxiety becomes palpable and obnoxious as you demand that others look after the fallout of your resistance to life, and the dis-ease that you are manifesting around you and in you.

If you are allowing me to speak this straight to you today, I can feel that it is because you really do want to take responsibility to change your relationship to change, and return to actually being in life.

You bring huge air into the room when you do that. You water the souls of everyone around you, which includes all of us, because we are all connected and we are all one as well as individuals at the same time.

Talk about a high spiritual calling, like no other, just living your life, to the fullest!

I felt a need to speak this straight today as I am gathering my own courage again for my next steps, and I so want to be around, up close and personal with this kind of very exciting life giving energy.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Energies Invite Us Into A New Kind Of ‘Strength’ From Within

by Kalayna Colibri

Alessandro Sanna

Painting by Alessandro Sanna

Our self-doubts run deep within a river of rejection fears and wounds. This river rises more and more as these energies swirling around us come in to shake it up, bring it up, flush it out. Having days that feel like everything inside of you is against you is part of this process… there are parts of you that want you to feel them, finally, in their turmoil. They want to be loved in spite of their spiky armor and seen for more than just the pain they hold. They want you to show up for them, to show them that they have worth so that in your very being, you can feel this worth deeply, inhabit it, live by it, and never compromise it again. So much inside of you wants and aches for your advocacy from you to you, to stop the madness for each part of you and Metasoul aspect too.

The image of the ‘Heart Warrior’ is another superhero that parts of you want to lean into, yet it too is an archetype of invulnerability that pushes away love. Yes, there is a ‘hero’ inside of you that shows up somehow to feel YOU for the first time in the form of these precious parts of your being, heart, and soul, and yet the famed ferocity is for naught. It is only a picture of what is needed to cut through the din within, but not the sword of love. Love needs no sword. Love comes in anyway, sneaks under your fence posts, doesn’t need to shield itself and certainly doesn’t need a weapon. Love will win the wrestling match, even though parts of you try to prolong it for years, decades, centuries on end, pushing aside its mirrors, following only the habitual flow back into patterns of old that have yet to bring you the joy and fulfillment you’ve wanted.

There wouldn’t be a way to feel all there is to feel without a strengthening happening within – an energy that cannot be broken by any outside force and eventually no inside one either. It is a way to feel that all you’re feeling does have purpose and that the gauntlet you’re walking out is the training ground you need. This is a strong metaphor, yes, because this is what it feels like to truly be in process in these moments where so much is surfacing. It feels as tough as it is, as it has had to be. Parts of you have built walls to keep the flood waters of feeling out, yet here they are blowing apart your inner dams and bringing you to a new surface above it all where none of it is transcended, yet held, owned, taken responsibility for, and healed over different phases of life.

We are not only being cleared out by Ascension energies, but we are being strengthened, toned, given new legs to stand on too. What is moving needs to be replaced, not only by crystalline cells but also by a new stance, a brand new way of standing with a strength that doesn’t need battles to prove itself, only a continual advocacy for and with love. It’s an ongoing invitation to no longer seek and find reasons to go to war,  yet to feel and love the parts of you that want to and have become very good at it over the years.

It’s time to flow into the inner rivers of pain and wounding, to find yourself on a new shore, renewed and more alive than ever before. To let it all surface takes more strength than burying it and you can so trust that it’s all leading you somewhere safer, LOVElier, better.

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Turbulence Of Ascension

119

 

Turbulence.  That is what it has felt like the last few days, well maybe even weeks.   I have found myself feeling some pretty intense emotional energies that have felt very related to the passing through this gateway.  I have not been much into astrology this life but I am noticing emotional correlations to these particular phases.  I am moving through this which much curiosity and even some fusion to the energies.  A feeling that I have not been totally me.  Thoughts that have brought my vibration down to a gravitational pull.  It is like our consciousness is an airplane and when we have tasted the lighter frequencies of our spiritual essence, the contrast of dipping down into the tumult of our more denser unfelt emotional body can be quite a jarring experience.

Even in the thick of the energy I knew in my core something was happening WITH me and not TO me.  It took some lifting of the control wheel to get to that space.  Getting higher than the turbulence to get some context and space from it.  An influx of mind chatter that felt very rooted in a more programmed way, connected to the Archon or Reptilian brain.  But I can not play victim to that for this energy is an aspect of me on a more soul level.  It is tending to this aspect with love and compassion.  This is what turns the nose up into the higher atmosphere of Love’s expansion.

I could feel how this part of me, so rooted in the mental body matrix, it is having a hard time letting go to what it has been used to in the name of control and fear.  The fear that it will cease to exist and that it is dying.  And really, it is.  It is having to move on to a new place that it can exist in its own vibration for it no longer can do that inside of me, for I am changing, raising.  I am no longer choosing to be brought down anymore.  To be drawn back into the turbulence of a collective and personal purgatory.

It looks like one of those scenes in a movie where someone opens a door and there are thousands of souls woooshing around in a swirl with pained expressions and awful sounds coming from them. It is real. It is out in the aethers. I see it effecting so many people as they are disconnected from it unconsciously. It fuels so much of the painful actions in the world. To be able to have a relationship to it is a gift in which you can foster a new coarse that does not bypass it, but heals it with the light of love and compassion with grounded protection from guides and the experience of those that have been there.

I feel I have been gifted in some ways with going into this “hell” many times as I am to serve as a bridge from there to here.  A part of me used to suffer in it as a curse, but now I am feeling something different.  It is time to show up in a new way as way-shower out of the darkness and heaviness and into the lightness of being that can actually feel unbearable to our more 3D Self.  It is a sacred passageway into a death that moves us from fear consciousness to Pure Love.  From suffering to Joy.  From limitation to infinity.

My heart is with those of you that are experiencing intense times right now.  There is much to be learned and moved into as we mature through this death/rebirth canal.  Each one no more sacred than then next.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Listening To The Lion: Time To Lead With Feeling

IMG_20170731_130944

Painting by Gabriel Heartman

The last few nights have been super intense emotionally for me.  I have had waves of doubt, self-punishment, and anxiety arise in my field that began to overwhelm me.  Hard to fall asleep with the intense energies and I needed to connect with the Divine energy to move through some of it.  Through my SoulFullHeart process I know they are not mine but coming from something within me that needs to be felt.

It has taken form of a MetaSoul aspect of mine that is living an Atlantean lifetime.  I had a beautiful group session with the help of Jelelle to feel this aspect and begin a more balanced relationship with him and his intensity.  Last night I began to feel energies that didn’t feel connected to him and could be another aspect of my soul coming through around anxiety.

What the heck is going on?

I felt to tap into my guides and intuition since I couldn’t sleep and was told that this is a very intense time for many.  I have known about the current lead up to the Lion’s Gate portal for a while now, and I am starting to piece some things together for myself around it.  What I received is that this is a time of great confluence.  Many energies are coming together that may feel like a squeeze to some.  It is thinning out veils and the gap between what is authentic and not.  It is bringing in codes that feel to be bubbling up old unhealed lower frequencies that are preventing us from moving into our next growth places.  These frequencies are held by parts of us as well as Metasoul aspects that are bleeding in at this Thinning.  It can be a crazy-making time if there isn’t a larger container to hold all of it in.

It may be advised to just ride out the wave and be kind and gentle to yourself.  I agree with being self-loving to yourself is key right now.  But I also feel there is great opportunity for growth and letting in more of the love we came here to experience.  It all brings up the unloved energies within us that are needing to be held and felt to make room for more.  It is like the altitude is changing and the old denser energies are needing to fall away.  But there is an invitation to actively participate in this process, and not just passively let it go by.  This is the leading edge of consciousness we are stepping into!

I feel that this is the message of the Lion.  He is inviting us to lead ourselves into a new relationship with our experience of life and Gaia as we have known it.  He is about finding our courage and strength and feeling all that we need to feel during this highly transformative time.  What wounds and pains, both this and other lives, are looking to be heard and felt at this time? What resistance is showing up inside of us that keeps us from fully inhabiting the largess and love sponges we are?  This is not an easy choice to make going INto the pain, not to suffer, but to heal.  To reveal. To discover.  It leads us into our jungle and arise as the king and queen of our truest dreams and inner knowing.

You may be pressed to make some difficult choices along the way.  We can not have things stay the same and expect them to be different.  Leading your way into your next emotional and spiritual growth terrain is what Leo is offering and guiding us toward. Healing your way to passion, purpose, and the remembrance of magic.  From denser energy to higher vibration. From care-taking to self-actualization.  From being alone to being in community and sacred passionate romance!

SoulFullHeart offers a pathway and a community that serves this growth and expansion of love.  We are here to lead this way of life into the world to those that it resonates with. The Lion is a huge totem for us and what we came here to do and be.  I am listening closely myself and feeling what it is that needs my attention to enter into more expression of Love and Serviceship.  We invite you to do the same.  Be kind and gentle with yourself during these days and months to come.  And we are here to serve all that is arising in you should you feel the call of the wild of heart and soul.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Beyond Redemption: The Search For Self-Forgiveness

107

 

What if we are never redeemed? What if we are already redeemed?

These are words spoken at the end of the movie Wild that I watched last night, from the book authored by Cheryl Strayed.  They were words that seemed to go into me on a soul level as I have felt redemption being a strong theme in multiple lives.  When I was in my 20s an intuitive woman had said she told me I was living a life of  “redemptive suffering”. It all just made so much sense.  I could turn anything into a suffering loop.  A way to keep me from fully inhabiting the joys of life as if they were not permitted for me to have as much as I longed for them.

Through the process of accessing other Metasoul lives, I have been able to piece together a tapestry of lives seemed to revolve around this theme.  Choices that led to experiences that caused pain to others and taking that on as a personal cross to bear.  Then returning that pain upon myself in order to be redeemed in the eyes of a God that would accept me when the suffering was acceptable enough.  All the while not understanding the God I was asking for forgiveness from was ultimately me.

This idea of redemption and persecution is one that spans so many lives and souls.  It is one that can be a core wound for many.  The root of many of our personal unconscious choices.  A plot arch for many of our current soul playouts.  When we begin to become conscious of our Metasoul wounding do we begin to gain an understanding of who we are and what we would rather choose to be.  That we no longer have to unconsciously fuse to this karmic cycle.  We can connect to a larger story that is infinite in its possibilities.  But first we must feel the tug of the wound from these soul siblings and help to heal them into the largess of our own hearts.

As we start to feel these lives and access the gift they are presenting to us we can begin to see ourselves in a much different light.  We become more Light in fact.  We start to let go of the heavy emotional ties to those lives and hold them with the love of forgiveness they haven’t been able to give themselves.  The redemption was already bought and paid for. We were never “wrong”.  We were, or ARE, a part of a huge experiential learning ground where we lost track of that.  Got lost in the wild so we could find ourselves again with a new and larger vision of what we forgot we were.  The redemption aspects of us have been looking for already exist inside of us.

This may be a big part as to why some continue to stay in life situations that are not fully serving their greatest good.  This unconscious need to be less than in order to cash in on our soul IOUs.  It is becoming time to let go of that old story.  To go into the wilderness of our “history” and forgive ourselves for what has been serving fear and heal it into service of love.  For ourselves and others.  You have access to all of it inside that creative arena called your imagination.  It just needs to be negotiated with the part of you that guards this access.

Through this process a new world will open up to connect the dots you may currently may be unaware of.  The stories and timelines that have yet to be let go.  From there you can begin to unfurl the true gift of your inner Joy that is waiting to be remembered back into your heart and soul, remember where it was you actually came from, and what your true purpose is here on this glorious New Earth.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Acknowledging, Feeling, Honouring And Healing Our Narcissism To Feel Real Compassion

by Kalayna Colibri

Look-Within

There are phases of very necessary self-focus. It’s good to dedicate a lot of time to personal process that has to do with YOU as your number one priority. Some of us don’t do this enough, some of us do it too much, and the balance of giving and taking is somehow very challenging to find and live into. Eventually, these phases of needing to go inward have a healthy sense of self-focus that has more of a balance of where the focus goes and comes from a growing emotional and spiritual maturity as we heal and allow in mirrors that help us map out where to go next. This takes a dedication though and the process of it all has not been shown to most of us before, so there is a lot to discover and rediscover as we go, allowing ourselves to get messy and sometimes trip along the way as the best way to learn.

Within our birth families, many of us have been the ‘black sheep’. Parts of us never felt understood and found ways to rebel. This took an enormous amount of self-care and focus, the best parts of us could conjure at the time, and necessarily so – these self-made nests of bedrooms and cozy family basements became our stages for self-exploration. We needed our forays into writing, artistic explorations, fantasy worlds, and eventually spiritual seeking and finding. We needed these phases of pushing away from the collective, from birth family, maybe even from peers and the church and/or education systems, we were wrapped up in. Parts of us started to refuse to go deeper into it… or decided to go in as deeply as possible, following along with another flavour of rebellion that may have meant following the rules only to one day snap and burn it all away. This took whatever ounces of love we could muster and find in our inner and outer worlds, drawing friendships and romances that were (and are), in the end, reflections of how we ultimately felt (and feel) about ourselves.

In order to push away from what we could feel was very much NOT us, or not what parts of us wanted to be, we had to encase ourselves in some degree of HEALTHY narcissism. This encasement may even have stretched well into our adult years, or, we had parts of us that decided to suddenly flip a switch and go far into the other direction, feeling ourselves as deep empaths that can quite powerfully feel others. Even in this though, is a layer of narcissism. There is a layer here of blaming ‘other’ for how and what you feel. There is a fixation on how ‘you’ are being affected by something or someone or somewhere, without truly feeling how and why others may be affected and that you may or may not have a part to play in this too.

Feeling and realizing this shatters our mirrors held up by our own hand, that only show us our self-made goodness, yet not the deeper, more compassionate goodness within that has true innocence and purity of intention. Our narcissism in our years of needing to rebel, needing to find an ‘us’ that could hold life, needing to navigate a spiritual path that we hope will open out to serving others, has been mostly about us and not actually about serving the world or the people in it. This is HARD to look at and feel. This is probably one of the toughest reflections of ourselves and how we’ve operated in this world to take in. True compassion, in my experience, can’t really come unless we are willing to see this piece inside of our shadows. Feeling all of this also frees us from our victimhood that again parts of us have rightfully needed to hold onto… We cannot truly find our power within unless we are willing to go here.

In terms of our Ascension, it could be that this is one of the biggest pieces for us to look at and heal with deep sobriety and dedication. If there is no interest in doing so, there is something to look at with that too, as it’s natural for our deep knowledge of our goodness to not want to have to go here, yet our ‘goodness’ can be a story that parts of us tell, meanwhile they don’t deeply feel they ARE good, until they have been able to feel the reasons why this is… the reasons why they hold this wounding. There is so much unworthiness within that this process brings us to. There are many layers here and each one brings us closer and closer to our higher hearts, our genuine Christ Consciousness, where we can and do shed tears for others, for the world, and then can bring it back inward in a healthy way too, to digest it all in authentic Divine connection and love, and in genuine soul and heart connection with others too.

Being real about not being able to feel or even care for others in a given moment, actually helps parts of us relax and can bring us almost immediately to a more compassionate place within. It also claims our responsibility and our desire to heal this block to serving and giving love. We have not had adequate modeling of how to truly be compassionate in this world. So much of it has been put on for the sake of self-image, it feels like. This has not been ‘bad’ for us though, we are just entering a phase of being invited deeper into it, to question it and ourselves more, and to really heal what we need to in order to be in LOVE in the truest sense. We already have all of the goodness inside of us that we need so as to truly feel and love this aspect of us that again has served us so well for so many years.

There is so much love on the other side of this mirror. So much love that wants to reach you, to flow to and through you. Love that wants to show itself in all of your relationships, in whatever ways it can. It is a love that is ever-purifying and incredibly deep, if only we can start to let it in and allow it to do its work. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Restless Energies Within And Moving Into New Timelines Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually

by Kalayna Colibri

moving on

 

Forgotten, long-lost items are found once again. Finally coming around to cleaning those nooks and crannies where dust and old energies have gotten stuck. Moving on from one space and into another is a process for sure, one that happens with many emotional reactions as we let go of one phase and embrace another. There are physical body reactions too as we enter a new space where old energy needs to be cleared and we feel the clearing too of our ‘old’ space that once held our energy to the brim and beyond. It is a shakedown of sorts, loosening up and releasing something that no longer fits us on a deeper level, though in many cases parts of us may still have attachments to what we moving on from. Sometimes this ‘letting go’ is and needs to be an ongoing process for a while, or a process that ebbs and flows, may seem to be over, but eventually comes back around again. On a soul level, it is natural to want to move on from one place to another, especially as we discover and desire to be in more of our soul bigness, purpose, and power.

This journey of packing up, leaving behind, exploring the new, is something we’re all experiencing now in different waves and on different levels. Some of us are stepping into the new, having many reactions we can’t quite seem to sort through, and then retracting, trying to go back into an old space that has now expired for us in many ways. The picture that comes, is of a growing toddler trying to wear his or her baby clothes again because they were so comfortable once upon a time! This is such a tough process and letting go is never quite as easy as some make it sound, especially if you’ve signed up to truly feel yourself in every moment along the way.

These last two weeks have been full of movement for me personally and this movement process has taken place on a personal, soul, and even physical level. It has been a phase that started with saying ‘yes’ to several new possibilities, trusting that they would take me somewhere new and good, despite the challenge of inhabiting this. Sure enough too, after the ‘yes’ came reactions and a part of me wanting to contract and maybe collapse it all in a way, though she also felt how this would all open out eventually, even with her level of tension. This is a part of me I got to reunite with, actually,  like something that got buried under the bed or dresser so long ago that you only find it when you’re moving somewhere new! She surfaced and I could feel her reactions with her and as the dust settles around the ‘new’ still, I am continuing to feel her around it all – her fears, her joys, and her vision of possibilities too. It has also been a couple weeks of letting go of certain connections with other people which is probably the hardest aspect of this phase to be with.

I feel as if we’re living in a restless, boisterous phase globally in the moment and it does feel challenging to find our stillness within while walking it all out. It is an exciting time while so much is being revealed to us and inside of that are also some hard-to-swallow truths. It is a time where we are being energized to really create the new as we go and not wait for permission from outside of us to take the steps we need to in order to really be in this. It is a time of trust in life, ourselves and the Divine, which is, of course, a process in and of itself while we learn what real trust even is… making it so important to take as much personal space as necessary, to breathe and digest and check-in with what we’re feeling on every level of our being.

If you’re feeling the energy of needing to create new timelines and being in your creativity in whatever capacity comes to you, you’re so not alone and the restlessness is actually there to serve you. It would be hard to not feel restless right now and it may come in waves for you, as it seems to be doing for me. We can all rest assured though, that we ARE being moved to something new that we are co-creating constantly, consciously and unconsciously, and this is becoming revealed to us more and more in each moment we say ‘yes’ and claim the next step.

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

SoulFullHeart Museletter: Disclosure Process Is Accelerating

This week’s Museletter is busting at the seems from the love that wants to make its way to your heart! The featured article by Jelelle Awen digest the recent crop circle creation in Cley Hill, England.  She takes the meaning in through the SoulFullHeart perspective and applies it to our own personal and collective disclosures of deep healing.  We are all One, and as we each make our own personal journeys we are thereby effecting the greater whole.  The graphic representation shows us that we are all connected in an infinite world and we are being supported by the various beings that have a deep love for us and our ascension.

Included is more information about our call this Saturday at 11:11 CST on Zoom.  We will be discussing the 7 Key areas of life that we focus on in SoulFullHeart and how they are experienced in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th dimensions.  If you cannot make this one, more info about future calls is included.

http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/groupcalls

This week we had a huge output of writing and a lot to digest as a community and personally.  A lot is moving and shifting in our world and that can bring up many reactions, both of joy and not so joyous.  It is what gives us the experience to learn and grow from that we then share with you from our open hearts.

There is also a new energy update from Jelelle about how the incoming codes are creating compression points inside of us that are needing to be held and felt to release and integrate into new layers of consciousness.

So from all of us at SoulFullHeart we offer you another week’s worth of our passion and purpose, sprinkled with a ton of love.  Thank you so much for taking this is in each week. If you feel that what we are offering has been giving you much reflection and guidance, we would love to feel your gratitude through a Love Donation through our website or through our Patreon page where you can even offer a monthly contribution.

Have a great weekend and may love continue to work its way into your world!

http://mailchi.mp/ff1e1b83e305/soulfullheart-weekly-museletter-disclosure-process-is-accelerating?e=f7a2bef770

88

This Creative, Love-Flowing Time Of Day!

by Kalayna Colibri

FLOW-Colors-Fibonacci

Early morning is my favourite ‘time’ of day… this time of creative flow even though I’m still sleepy and full of ‘work’ with my online job. My life is incredible, it really is. There were so many years when I couldn’t imagine that I would be living this way, yet I so wanted to. I couldn’t possibly have envisioned exactly how this would go or what this life lived in service of love would look and feel like. There was always a fantasy of living amongst others who shared my level of consciousness and challenged me to keep expanding it. Retreats and spiritual conferences were great but not enough – I needed and wanted to make spirituality my life.

This time of day (early morning) is also when my beloveds in my community of SoulFullHeart and I start dialoguing over Google Hangouts. We live in the same building, more or less, yet this is our way of staying in touch and also being in our own sacred spaces. The love exchange is there underneath all correspondence, even if reactions are being shared and processed or guidance is being held and given as to where we need to go next inside of ourselves and inside of our relationships to one another. It’s something I could try and describe to you, yet it’s just a unique experience that extends well beyond ideas of ‘unconditional’ love. We love each other deeply but are so willing to let go, let be, let arise, without unfair expectations, at least after this much time and process and this many phases together. We are a close-knit group but we have done a lot of personal work to have this level of intimacy. My place in this community has had its ups and downs and times of turning sideways too. Every single minute of tension and exhilaration has been so worth it though, to be able to transact love in this way, and to FEEL so much love for myself AND for them! There is nothing I can compare this to. It is the closest thing to ‘Golden Earth’ I have ever experienced in THIS life, where love is the container, the contender, the artist and the canvas too.

I’m being moved to share this experience in this moment, because of love overflow I feel from nourishing time with Jelelle yesterday, feeling the love and care from Raphael as he helps me clean, paint and fix-up my new suite I’m moving into soon (same building, just a bit bigger for my dog and I), and the ongoing love I feel between Gabriel and I, my best soul friend who I have been through so much with. I am brimming over with gratitude and love for them and for ME too… so much so that tears are coming. I have been intensely immersed in a new chapter for myself, training and doing practicums for a new online job that will pay better and have better hours than my current one. And it’s all happening in the name and flow of love and serving love too, as this means more money to share with my community and more space in my day to serve facilitants and also through my creativity, wherever it wants to take me.

It has taken a lot of process to really see, feel and let in what I have in SoulFullHeart – the work itself, my parts, the people, and most of all the LOVE. Gratitude and appreciation of been a long time coming, and this genuine, heartfelt flow of it that I can now feel is one that truly brings tears and the warmest feeling in my heart that I have ever experienced. It is a true feeling of being held by the Divine, by my own heart and self-love and also by the love I am IN with OTHERS. There is nothing that compares to commUNITY. At least nothing I’ve experienced or can speak from!

There is nothing I want more than to share this with more people. To have more of you jump in with us, though of course this is challenging… the hardest part is the awakenings within, the stirrings of arising process, realizations that you have much to heal as a human AND a soul and that it ALL changes you and your life in big ways, though the changes may feel subtle at first in some cases. Yet, it is so worth it and that worth and reward can only be experienced personally. ❤

We are holding another group call over Zoom (online) tomorrow at 11:11 am CST (Mexico City) if you’d like to join us. You’ll be able to immerse with us for 2 full hours and even be given the space to share if you wish. Silence is okay too. It’s a lot to take in. We are a lot to take in. This ‘new’ frequency of LOVE is a lot to take in! Here is the link to the event if you are interested in learning  more: //www.facebook.com/events/271320303342295

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Sacred ‘Mess’ Of Your Healing Path

by Kalayna Colibri

follow me, find your mess

“Come follow me, and you will find your mess” – a biblical quote reframe, as offered to me by Yeshua

~

There’s a light up ahead, held by someone who has done much work. Someone who beams a beacon of hope and love and possibility. Their energy invites you in and also invites you to follow them. They don’t energize being ‘better’ or ‘holier’ than you, they only seem to energize that they are somehow ‘ahead’ and want to vulnerably lead you into more possibilities, healing and growth for yourself.

Maybe you choose to follow because the warmth of the heart cord between you is incredible and familiar and not like anything you’ve ever felt before in this life. You want to be near this person, relate closely with them, and yet you can’t quite relate to them yet. They feel ‘close’ to you in a sweet sense, yet they almost feel like something that isn’t from this world. How could that be? They certainly seem human enough. You conclude that somehow they ARE human, just living in a different sort of dimension than you’re used to. Wow. THAT’S interesting because the dimension you’ve been living in feels old, stale, essentially loveless to you more and more these days as you continue to awaken to the universe within and outside of you.

As you continue to follow this person up ahead, you feel the infusions of light and love that they offer. You feel too, the realness they hold about their personal reality – how they or parts of them feel or are reacting in given moments. You can feel them holding this reality as sacred, though sometimes the energy feels intense to parts of you that you haven’t fully felt yet. What they offer to themselves and to you seems like ‘love’, but it’s a different love than you’ve experienced, as most of the time those around you refuse to be ‘real’ or current with what they’re feeling or experiencing. Or, on the other hand, they dump energy and emotion on you and in the space they hold with you, feeling like a victim and playing a victim’s role, effectively and skillfully drawing up a case that backs up their claim to perpetual victimhood. You’ve never had this contrast be illuminated for you before and it stirs something inside of you. Parts of you may start to feel victimized to this new frequency of love that is so illuminating, as it shows you too the ways in which you have been and held this same energy of co-dependently being in relationship with others and not deeply maturing emotionally, though you may ‘seem’ mature to most others in your life. You are experiencing how this love is holding up a mirror for you, and wow, there’s actually quite a bit of shadow there to feel!

This being you chose to follow encourages you to keep feeling it all. WHAT?! I have to FEEL it all?! You begin to feel a part of you is getting overwhelmed by the volume of what there is to feel, and you feel a bit surprised by what is still there that you thought you had healed by now. You feel the weight and the mess of it all… the entanglements within your relationships, past and present, the knots living inside of your heart and soul, the shadow pieces and parts of you popping up now to be witnessed, felt, held, healed. It’s a lot. Sometimes it feels like ‘too much’… and your new leader invites you to just ‘hold on tight!’ while the winds whip by and through you, inviting you to step into them despite the swirling chaos inside of you.

This is what it means to be on a path where you find that ‘mess’ within. That ‘mess’ that you learn to love as you trust that it’s leading you somewhere NEW. Amidst the mess, you get to decide whether or not you want to continue walking into it. You get to decide in every single moment, what you want next. And you get to decide whether or not you really trust this process and are ready for it.

~

In SoulFullHeart, we don’t hold a grandiose or lofty picture of who we are as spiritual and emotional teachers, leaders and facilitators. The work we’ve done and continue to do is challengings and sometimes downright hard to be in, though the payoff is incredible, as the growth and consciousness expansion is exponential. If anything we are here to guide you if you can lean into what we offer and embody.

Choosing to be around us in any way or form offers some sort of challenge to your being, just because of this way of life we embody. Choosing to be with us here in community, well, that pushes up even more… yet your readiness is something you get to gauge in every moment, even as ‘mess’ comes up from within and seems to be playing out outside of you too.

Following any sort of spiritual and/or emotional healing path should push up quite a bit inside of you. Even if you are not drawn to SoulFullHeart, whatever path you may choose will very likely give you a lot to feel and heal. There is no way, in my experience, to avoid or fully transcend what we signed up to heal in this life. Embracing our messes, no matter where we are in our path or what teacher(s) or leader(s) we may choose to follow or learn from, gives us this gift of finding our way to deeper and deeper decisions about the playout of our lives and how and who we most want to be.

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.