Category: Birth Family Relationships

Ode To The 3D Self

Published on by Bianca MagdaleneLeave a comment

I have been feeling recently my 3D Self emerging out of the intensity of the 10/10 portal and eclipse passage. She is represented by the entire waveform of my birth name, Bianca Gieber, and has come out of the peaking of/immersion in the 3D/4D matrix that I had been feeling inside of myself that I shared about in my last post. Besides her, I have also been feeling my Reptilian aspect again, as both these aspects are actually intertwined with each other and I could feel that wrapping up in each other when feeling both of them. Feels like these two energies have been behind my Gatekeeper aspect that I had been sharing about and she had been protecting my 3D Self all along, with so much care for her.

When I started feeling my 3D Self, I felt a lot of shame/self-hatred, a filtering of life through the lens of it not being good/safe, self-doubt, unworth and that there is no goodness in life, that life is difficult and everything has to be fought for and that she has always been alone, left alone, especially by the Divine. That way, being a huge aspect of my Lone Wolf that was reflected in corresponding life choices. With that filter applied, the goodness that had been in my life, was not able to be received and seen as such but rather made into something bad or rather not real. A very painful mechanism.

I have been feeling with her the legacy of my birth name, particularly the last name, that is carrying all these frequencies and she has worn them like a very thick coat. But I could also feel that all of those frequencies/layers are not really her, her true essence.

I was able to feel with her her own rich and deep connection to the Divine, and specifically to Mother Mary, who she and my entire soul seem to have a special connection with.

In her connection with Mary, she came through as clearly and deeply as never before, yet in such a real and grounded way and with authentic emotions. The experience I’m having now with Mary is much more personal and intimate. The connection I have had before with her, as Bey Magdalene, was a bit more airy/lofty, but my 3D Self feels like is the uplink to a real and grounded embodiment of Mother.

Through her struggle of not feeling the goodness in life and feeling almost in a quandary about her loyalty to that feeling, the very clear and visceral message/intuitive feeling came through that Mother IS an aspect of me as well and deserves to be felt just as much as it is necessary to feel the difficult things.

The reunion between her and Mother was very deep and teary, both weeping over having missed each other and finally having found each other again. My 3D Self was claimed as a Divine Daughter and Mary apologized to her too that it has been so difficult for her and that she wasn‘t able to feel her and connect with her, even though she has been right there all along, all my life.

The forgiveness frequencies between these two have been so powerful and have had a powerful impact on my spiritual and emotional well-being.

Her question and lament, why she had been plugged in so deeply into the matrix, has been answered inside of myself too. Along with the pain that, despite being a 3D Self, she never really felt that she was particularly good at it/equipped for it. It seems that she is needed as an ambassor to those in similar circumstances and if she would have been really good at navigating 3D life, she might not have awoken. Yet I could feel with her how this dimension/reality has always felt strange to her and that she didn’t really believe it herself.

A deep filtering of life through compartmentalization is falling away as a result as well as a need to ‘be by the book’ and a new flow and responding to every moment is coming online and ready to be embodied.

I can feel her letting in that reframe and new Divine/Soul purpose and how it is helping her heal her relationship to the matrix, her family and geographical origins that were both VERY dense as well as heal her relationship to the Divine.

I could feel so much care coming online in her that she has always had, yet had to numb because it was too painful to care and there hasn‘t been a container/energy to be able to digest all this care with up until now.

This care coming online now and my heart coming online through it in a much deeper way is such a gift that I‘m getting from and through her that I‘m so grateful for and that is so needed too as I have been wanting to feel my care for the world and humanity in these unprecedented times that we have never seen before. Yet a care that is grounded in and answered by the Divine inside of myself, to be able to digest and hold the pain too that comes with this care.

I can also feel an interesting relationship between my Inner Teenager and my 3D Self that is just starting to get a bit clearer. It feels like she has been a bit of a reluctant parent to her, yet also protecting her out of care for her. I have been wondering why I hadn‘t been more rebellious as a teenager, yet my 3D Self offered that it just was too dangerous to do that, with such a dark and abusive birth mother, whose energies and transmissions she had been taking in and absorbing over the years, shaping her, ‚messing her up‘ to quote her. So she felt it was much safer to comply, even if it was very begrudgingly.

I feel my 3D Self came in/was formed in my early teenage years as well, as a response to those very challenging and dense energies on the outside. That was also around the age my 3D Self had started to reach for alcohol to numb that darkness and abuse that came her way in order to numb it/cope with it. Yet only feeling that pain and answering it with Divine Love, will actually bring healing to it while anything else just covers it up.

Now that she has been felt and freed up more and her presence/existence deeply acknowledged and recognized as very much needed in order to complete me, miraculous shifts have been occurring inside of myself, as she is an important aspect of myself that had been anchored in 3D and thus was resisting to move into soul purpose with me and partake in the goodness frequencies in my life so far. Only through connecting with these aspects of us that feel they cannot partake in the goodness, the spirituality, the soul purpose expression is how we are actually able to do and embody that.

She is an ambassador in her own rights and we already started that journey in meditation space this morning when she and Mary organized an apparition in my hometown in Austria that is so dense, in so much pain and that doesn’t seem to have a lot of hope and Divine Inspiration. Casting those beautiful Divine frequencies over my hometown felt so healing and felt like it inspired something in its residents and at least planted a seed in them. A remembrance of their own Divinity.

Here is a meditation to connect with your 3D Self.

I’m so curious to go more into her relationship to my Reptilian as well as my Inner Teenager as I can feel it is a very rich ground. Some of that will be covered in today’s group call, I’m sure, that will be about the Inner Teenager. I can already feel more teenage sass coming online through connecting with my 3D Self and healing all the layers of pain that have been guarding her heart. I feel her off to the Galactic too, being a galactic ambassor and Galaxy trotter, with the Cosmos being her home.

Here is a guided meditation video to begin the connection to your Inner Teenager.

Raphael and Jelelle will be exploring the world of the Inner Teenager in our group call today at 5:00pm GMT/London/Lisbon & Noon EST. We will also offer a guided meditation to connect with your Inner Teenager, deepen the healing between you, opening up the bond that is just ‘waiting’ for you. More info to offer donation to attend on our website or on Facebook

Love,

Bey Magdalene

*** Bey Magdalene is a SoulFullHeart Apprentice Facilitator and Community Member. She offers sessions in German and English. For more information on community, videos, group calls, and 1:1 sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator, visit soulfullheart.org.

Navigating The Void Between Letting Go & Letting In

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

You can’t truly come ‘home’ to yourself, your soul, in a whole NEW way unless you leave the ‘home’ you’ve known. The ‘home’ that has so often felt both comfortable and uncomfortable. The nest that has become prickly in order to help you find your wings and take flight into the higher dimensions you’re meant to be and truly LIVE in… in your relationships, in your money-earning/exchange with the world, in your soul purpose expression, in your soul family connections, and in your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental bodies too. 

Letting go to let in is a very real and ongoing process and it’s so often NOT easy to be with. It’s very sobering to suddenly realize that your soul is feeling more and more ready to say ‘yes’ to the alive choice points in front of you, which may involve saying ‘no’ to something that was once very precious to you. 

For me, that’s been the process of letting go of my sacred union with Gabriel, grieving a ground that was once good but needed to dissolve for both our sakes and for the sake of our deepest growth and needs. This is the recent process of letting go into the unknown for me, yet over the last decade of my life this has meant saying ‘goodbye’ to birth family connections that no longer had a ground of shared resonance, same thing with old friendships… not to mention different geographies that once held the frequency of ‘home’.

Letting go requires a lot of courage for you and parts of you, as it asks you to enter the void of the unknown for a time… but the inward-turning of that phase is so sacred, I’ve found. It’s a time of true death and rebirth as you continue to rediscover yourself without the anchors that shifted at some point from healthily grounding to now being dampening. Maybe in some ways they were always dampening, actually… yet to begin to recognize this pattern too takes so much courage in and of itself, and so much readiness from the parts of you who have been afraid to imagine, let alone begin to see or be guided by, anything else that could be possible. 

I’ve found that the ‘void’ space in between the letting go and letting in is full of grief, yet also full of every gift that comes with truly feeling that grief. It is filled by creativity, by a new sense of you, by a blossoming flower garden within you that is being watered by every tear you shed and by the love within you and with the Divine that answers that grief. 

May you feel so much love surrounding and moving with you as you continue your own journey of letting go, of moving onward by going inward…

Love,

Kasha 

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Moving Beyond Fear-Based ‘Tolerance’ Of Dissonance During Awakenings & Growth

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

“Tolerance” is really such a terrible word. I don’t particularly like it. Because it makes parts of us feel like they are obliged to let things go that really they shouldn’t have to. It’s one of the most misinformed tenants of modern society. Tolerance is not compassion or understanding, let alone love, and it actually typically comes from fear, especially the fear of you yourself not being ‘tolerated’ let alone actually felt or understood.

If you find yourself tolerating a dead marriage, a dead relationship to birth family, a dead connection to your livelihood, rather than seeking and humbly taking risks for the sake of aliveness, then you’re likely in a place of having been coached, told, conditioned into feeling like as long as you’re tolerating these dead things, you’re ‘doing something right’ and dare I say, even reaching the carrot of ‘enlightenment’.

No one is entitled to your tolerance, not even the parts of you that ask for it. Just as people on the outside of you basically tell you ‘don’t look over here, you have to accept me as I AM’, parts of you can do that too. They don’t want you to see their manipulative strategies or ways of controlling the people in your life that you don’t resonate with so that they don’t have to experience real and true growth and what actually COULD become possible in ALL of your relationships.

Tolerance becomes intolerance, sometimes quickly, as awakenings happen and these awakenings lead quickly to depression and anxiety when this intolerance is not honoured or felt. You are changing. And if you’re a big soul, you’ve likely felt how quickly you change and shift at times and are oftentimes tiptoeing around your relationships rather than letting your awakenings truly ride with you into a new life phase.

Death and rebirth is always a part of awakening, whether it’s the kind of death and rebirth that is very, very dark for a time or the kind that is actually much easier to move through. I can assure you though, that if parts of you still buy the 3D Matrix or New Age Spirituality Matrix shit of ‘you have to find a way to make this work because that’s what real love does’, then you are in for more difficulty, not less, whether it manifests in physical illness, emotional waves you fall under rather than feel able to come to terms with (note, I didn’t say ‘control’), or a feeling of existential crisis that keeps growing until parts of you can no longer stuff it down.

Awakening, truly expanding into your heart and soul and letting them lead, is not about tolerating anything or anyone. Yet, as this intolerance is felt and honoured, true compassion can be felt as well as authentic passion. You change, and even if the people around you can’t, you are empowered to navigate your way through that and find new people to be around, even if you need a phase of being ‘alone’ (which is never alone, truly, for the Divine is ALWAYS there and sometimes it takes the lonely feelings to actually drop into Its arms at last).

If you truly have a penchant for your deepest growth, you’ll find a way to feel what you’ve been allowing that actually doesn’t feel good to you. Our gut honesty is what brings us the most growth and the most Divine alignment, even in all its messiness and absolute dearth of glamour. There is NO such thing as an ‘ugly cry’, especially when what you’re feeling is the grief of what perhaps once worked, what once was beautiful and resonant, and you’re feeling into letting it go for the sake of all involved…

I love you. Keep feeling. Keep moving beyond tolerance and you WILL find your truth, whether you end up needing to move into deep life change right away or not. Your awakenings will deepen and your experience of your soul will too, even in all of the waves of exquisite sadness, necessary rage, and openings into bittersweet bliss.

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Inner Discovery, Outer Changes: Truly Embracing Your Bigness

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

There are a couple of truths that I’ve lived into and that I’ve supported others in sessions to live into, and they are:

In a world at ‘war’, the only place you can end it is within.

In life circumstances that are abusive on ANY level, the only place you can reconcile that is within.

And then, another even bigger truth, is that there’s a potent invitation from the Divine and your Divine Self as you live into this. This invitation is to take outer action, rooted in the deeper inner work/remembering/healing processes within your clearing heart and soul soil, and rippling out into your life circumstances.

This doesn’t mean joining the ‘war’ that others insist on living out from their own inner worlds, for that self-righteous energy you’ll inevitably become doesn’t serve you or them and will always end in a stalemate (I’ve lived this one out a few times!) and/or some slight openings in your relationship that won’t last unless they are truly on the same page of doing some dedicated deep-diving inside.

It seems like it’s somewhat controversial to offer that not only setting boundaries but sometimes choosing to leave inherently non-resonant relationships of ALL kinds is actually GOOD for you and for them. You weren’t ultimately meant to live only in these grounds which will always lead to battling somehow or a reality of ‘pushing against’ on some level, even if it’s mostly energetic and not so much outright anymore.

The role of the ‘awakener’ or ‘red-piller’ of others is one rooted not in your inner peace or sanctuary but in parts of you that are afraid to be alone and in surrender to the unknown, to experience that biting (yet also alchemical) loneliness and fear that can really hurt and drop you, truly drop you, into what’s REAL inside of you and in your life. Whenever I’ve taken on this role with others, there’s been huge resentment on all sides and a self-centered ‘holier-than-thou’ energy that I had to realize was about tugging on those around me rather than truly loving them. It was about trying to arise into my own bigness and be seen by them rather than letting them go their way as I go mine.

This letting go of your end of the rope is where your real mission and sense of purpose can stem from, as you allow the space to recover from what parts of you once thought of as ‘normal’. The karmic layout of these relationships completes when you, as your awakening/integrating Divine Self, decide that it’s done. So often this is left unrealized, yet it’s the most powerful ‘NO MORE’ you could say on behalf of yourself and all precious parts of you, plus any Metasoul aspects from other lifetimes at play.

I KNOW how difficult this is, as the vitriol and clamour you can draw out of those you are now saying ‘no’ to is painful to take in, revealing the deeper and more accurate reality of your relationships… you see where you have been shrinking to fit in order to keep up appearances or allow a connection to go on and on with some growth happening at times perhaps, yet now the dynamic has run out of ground and you (and they) need something else.

THIS is how you leave the Matrix of false light, false Mother/Father connections, etc. and can begin to reveal and heal how you’ve been a part of this dynamic from within you, where your own false light has lived. This is the ground where you can let the real Divine in, however that resonates for you. And it’s in this void where the truest Soul Family/Tribe connections can arrive and arise, for you’re now more in their frequency and no longer enabling your own suffering OR the suffering of those who know they are losing the parts of you they have known you as and asked you to stay fused to.

Arising into your true bigness is what this is about and as you TRULY do so, you sever the cords and unspoken contracts between yourself and others which are meant to either find new ground (for the sake of their own bigness awakening too) or dissolve completely (also for their sake and not just yours). You choose to walk away and move into your most authentic expression that ‘they’ will probably never get, nor perhaps are they meant to. Maybe that’s the toughest pill of awakening to swallow, to see through the once precious illusion of what has been let in as ‘love’ yet now you can start to see what living into and embodying love is truly about.

This does include walking away from government bodies too, not just your most intimate relationships. Your culture/country can also be said ‘no’ to, or at least the energies of it that aren’t resonant. You’re also invited to go against the grain of what’s normal or expected, choosing your places of rebellion as they fit and arise for you in your growing inner fire and truth.

This process may not suit everyone at this time as it really does have its own timing, yet it does feel so essential to feel into during this time of death and rebirth on the entire planet, let alone in your own precious lifetime… the dying, when it’s surrendered to, becomes the fertile soil from which the buds of the NEW Earth can be seeded and sprouted. With this dying comes a new way of LIVING that needn’t only be a pipe dream.

You don’t have to feel alone or unsupported in any of this as you open up to yourself and the Divine in a new way… if you resonate with what I’m offering from my own experience of this and what I’ve seen move in the processes of others, please feel free to contact me for a 45min intro call that’s free of charge so we can feel together if this process, way of life, and soul and heart community of SoulFullHeart may be a fit for you and you for it/us. You can find more info here: soulfullheart.org/sessions

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

The Sacred Growth Of Letting In & Letting Go In All Relationships

Published on by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

All we can ever feel with another being in this world is possibility, potentiality… nothing is ever a given, no matter how strong the vision of what could be or the depth of soul/heart connection that seems to just BE.


We are always sorting out and sorting through. We are taking in who we are through the reflection of another, directly or indirectly. We are choosing in every moment what resonates most for us right now, which may not resonate any longer in the next now. We are also this reflection, this point of resonance or dissonance for others, in relationship to them.


None of us are exempt from this sacred sorting out process or the growth that comes of it.
Let go, let in, let go again… be surprised, be enlivened, by new beginnings and even necessary collapses. Though there is always more to feel and be with in all of this, and many reactions pinging for parts of you, it’s all part of the process of deepening your intimacy with yourself and with others as well, whether they can continue to connect with you on the next leg of your individual journeys, or not.


Each and every time I walk this out… I’m surprised by what it opens out within me. The clarity of what I want next, the boundaries I need to hold with an open heart, are priceless to feel and honour. It’s always challenging in new ways, but feeling the trust in my own growth that I know is always available and necessary, that helps me sink and surrender into each crucible… and feel the Divine with me at all times.


Much love from my ever-growing and opening heart to yours,
Kalayna

***

Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Remembering Our Starseed Essence

Published on by Deya ShekinahLeave a comment

By Deya Shekinah

Every week the parts and themes we are feeling and connecting with through the ‘Free To Be Two’ group calls seem to be naturally interconnected, offering me a much bigger picture of myself, the world, and the Universe. 

My Inner Teenager, Yasmin, feels so connected to the collapse of the 3D Matrix. Feeling her is helping me collapse the matrices inside at the same time as I’m witnessing them collapse on the outside. Feeling where she was ‘plugged in’ through the school systems and birth family templating is helping me unravel all the beliefs and ideas she holds about who she is meant to be. 

Last week I could feel her in the school corridors, overwhelmed and unprepared for the huge transition that it was. I could feel her innocence, as she carried my Inner Child in her arms wearing PJ’s and holding a teddy bear. She quickly learnt to ‘grow up’ and hide her Inner Child and innocence so she could ‘fit in’ and ‘survive’. This created so much depression which I can still feel here now, as hidden with her childhood innocence was also her curiosity, her creativity, her sense of purpose, and her multi-dimensional connections.

Something that feels so rich within my Inner Child is this connection to the magic, to the mysterious, and to the stars. As life got denser through living in 3D, I forgot about the magical essence of my Inner Child as she seemed to get further and further away. I am now remembering her and feeling how she has been there all along as the one who was questioning everything and longing for Home. 

She feels like my Starseed, who is revealing herself organically as Yasmin is deeply digesting her experiences this life. She feels expansive, curious, and open to all the possibilities in this Universe. She restores the magic in this existence and reminds me of the bigger picture of all that is happening in our world right now. 

Connecting with my Starseed brings me into a deep peace within, as she helps me remember I have never been alone and that those who I have longed to go home to were always here with me, inside me, every step of the way.

You can join Raphael & Jelelle Awen today for the fourth call in our Free To Be 2 series, Navigating The Matrix Collapse to New Earth Transition, at 10:00am PDT with teachings and a guided meditation to connect to your Star Seed within, Star Family, and galactic consciousness. You can join live and/or receive the recordings for a donation at soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen. More info here: soulfullheart.org/freetobe2

Much Love, 

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

New Moon In Gemini: Releasing The Trauma Bond

Published on by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

What a new moon portal today! The last few days have been intense to say the least. I have become aware, through my deep dive sessions with Raphael, of a particular trauma bond that has existed inside of me between me and my sister even as I have not been in contact with her for over seven years.

My sister and I were born very close apart. When many people met us they thought we were twins at first glance. What I am realizing is that this twin recognition came from an energetic bond between us that I am learning has visitation and abduction trauma built in, as well as many lifetimes in one form of relation or another.

I have come to the realization that this bonded trauma created a pairing between us. A contract that we would forever be in each other’s life so that we would not feel the depths of the trauma. Well, I broke the physical contract years ago, but the etheric contract remained.

I was offered to connect to my sister’s higher self and let her know that I was no longer going to hold my end of the bond anymore as it is time for me to go into the galactic and soul wounding that had kept us in a bind. I have recognized how much of this has effected my relationships with women, as it served as a protection and a projection of wound and care-taking.

I have been so focused on healing the Mom wound that I finally found the more subtle sister layer that was out of my awareness due to the depth of the trauma that it was founded on. I am reaching the edges of my galactic wounding that has alluded me for most of this life until this came into view.

What came to me is that this may be true for many of us at this time. Not so specifically from brother to sister, but any bond between two people that has deep roots in trauma. This can be especially true for twin flames. The New Moon energies in Gemini feel to be highlighting this twin dynamic for those that are meant to see it right now.

The trauma bond is something that is hard to let go of as it has such a long history. I had deep tears that I couldn’t place many times today but I could get a sense that this trauma bond was leaving my field and it is almost like losing an essential part of your being that you didn’t really know was there!

The release and detox of this bond feels like a shedding of a skin. It can be a hard process, but when held in sacred space it feels like the most important part of our ascension. I can feel during this time how there is a collective trauma bond exhibited by the fear of this virus. As we clear our own inner trauma bonds, the less energy is added to the collective and thus helps to move the needle one more step toward Love.

I also feel how this will help me to let in sacred romance on a much deeper level that I have not previously been able to transact due to this energy in my being. Quite a remarkable ride the last couple of days. I hope that this provides some insight into your own relationships to see where there may be these contracts that may need a deeper release in order to bring in the Love that we ALL are here to experience.

Much love on this New Moon evening.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Deeper Intimacy With Self Through The Explorations With Money

Published on by Deya ShekinahLeave a comment

By Deya Shekinah

Wow, what a topic money is. I feel so many layers and parts wrapped into the explorations with money. One of the things that Jelelle Awen offered in the SoulFullHeart Free To Be Two group call about money this week, was how some can relate to money as a false god. This landed straight away as what I experienced within my family, how earning money gave meaning to life and felt like the only meaning to life as there was no spirituality or religion in my upbringing. I feel how my Inner Masculine, David, took this on and how my Inner Child, Yazzy, was stifled by this. Since she was always so multi dimensional, she didn’t believe this to be true, but as there was no one bringing any other meaning, she became capped by that.

I remembered a time when a male family member said to me that ‘money is the only thing that matters in the world’. At the time, I was blown away that anyone could believe that. As I feel it now, I feel so much density in that picture of our world, the lack of joy or spaciousness in it. As I feel David, I sense this energy within him as the conditioning he received from birth family members. 

Right now I am in a transition into a new way of being and earning money, that is bringing light to David’s relationship to money.  I hold and feel a lot of trust around money after years of transitioning and exploring money. This transition has grown into a deeper awareness and understanding of a greater meaning of life, as well as what abundance looks and feels like to me. 

I have learnt that abundance is many things. Not only money, but time, connection, vulnerability with others, space to BE. These all feel like abundance to me. I am coming to know and feel that my inner feeling of abundance is what draws abundance on the outside including financial abundance, even as that is still growing. For David, I feel him seeing this abundance coming in and seeing money coming in for offering my Soul Gifts, but he still does not FEEL abundant.

The group call has helped me feel this with him, his reality more of distrust and lack that he has been in and learnt throughout this 3D experience, sure that has been the 3D experience. One of the core beliefs I feel held in David is, ‘there is never enough money’., I see how much this creates that reality for us because he is so focused on ‘there is never enough’. He cannot appreciate or acknowledge it as it is coming in. I feel how it is the ability to be grateful for what IS, in the moment, that draws more of that thing to you, which of course is a journey, not something you can create through bypassing feeling the lack of gratitude. 

I feel how this lack of money belief is actually a cover up for lack of love, connection, communication and boundaries, it feels like. Money becomes this huge focal point when there is no other meaning to life. Money has become this huge elephant in the room, where we think about it, worry about it, are anxious about it, but we do not really honestly talk about it, at least in my experience and in this culture of my current geography. The shame, the guilt, the resentment around money is of course going to make it heavy and joyless. This feels like it creates blocks to, and a push/pull within us and our relationship to money, as well as abundance in general. 

I feel the lack of joy the Inner Masculine can hold around life in general, which then seeps into his relationship with/to everything else in life. I feel David feeling joyless, I feel him longing to experience joy as my other parts do, his sadness that he cannot seem to meet them there. Yet I feel how no one has ever asked him what he likes, what the meaning of his life is, and how he has been disempowered throughout this 3D experience too.

So now there is this new ground to walk out with him, where he is included and wanted, where he gets to feel and heal too because he is valued by me through this process. So this is where talking about money leads us, perhaps not straight away to more money, although I feel that coming in but to deeper connection, understanding and intimacy with our parts, and with each other eventually too.

You can purchase the recording of this Free To Be Two group call about money and attendance at/recordings of future group calls in this series by offering a donation of any amount. More information at soulfullheart.org/freetobe2.

Love,

Deya & David

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Welcoming Everything In Closer, Sacred Union Within

Published on by Deya ShekinahLeave a comment

By Deya Shekinah

This past month has been a deep dive with my Inner Teenager, Yasmin. We have been digesting so much together and navigating many timelines collapsing and arising. 

It has been a very tender time of feeling the reality of her experiences in this life, especially how she has been in relationship with others. Yasmin has always been such an open book, I have felt in this time of less sharing how her openness hasn’t always come from a place of self love. I’ve been feeling how she has shared such deeply intimate details of her life with others, with anyone really, because she so deeply longed to be felt, seen and heard… something she didn’t receive much of.

As we digested together, I have been writing but when it has come to sharing publicly, I am becoming more sensitive to her vulnerability. I am learning that instead of sharing, I can let her land more inside of me, letting her feelings be felt and validated by me, by Jelelle Awen and by those closest to me, who I feel safe with. Rather than trying to understand, I am learning to listen. To listen to her stories, the ones she has buried deep down and disconnected from. Feeling all the things she could not feel in other times of her life because she wasn’t safe to.

I am realizing all she has ever truly wanted was to be welcomed in all that she is and all that she feels, rather than only being desired, wanted or welcomed in certain energies of who she is. Her tears were so close this morning. I feel how other parts of me have learnt to try to fix her or push aspects of her emotional reality away. I feel how she also experienced this in all of her relationships to varying degrees.

As I moved and danced, I welcomed all of her in closer than ever before, all her tears, all her longing. She felt unsure at first, as tears have always been hard for her to feel without someone else holding space. As her tears were always hidden and not welcomed, it has taken me a long time to realize that they can be. As I grow through this process as a space holder, I am able to offer her a new narrative around tears and sadness, as I see more and  more how her longings and tears are the doorway to our desires for life.

She cried. She let go into me, resting more into the pain in her heart. It felt beautiful. It feels like the beginning of a new relationship, except this one is just with me. I want all of her because I know how much she has held alone, how much wisdom she holds because of that. I feel how deeply she loves when she is welcomed in all of who she is, and how the pain of not being welcomed has broken her heart open to life.

I sense some deeper layers of heartbreak arising, feeling the pain of relationships that didn’t work out and the times it has felt to her that people wanted her but only certain parts of her. The feeling of not being wanted in her fullness touches these tender tears. There is a growing sense of gratitude to those people who weren’t ready for all of her. I am a stronger woman because of it, who feels love for and loved by every aspect that makes up this expression of me. I no longer have to be more than or less than. I can be me, this beautiful bliss mess embodied as a woman. Trusting that as I love myself and see myself more and more, I will attract others who can only show up for the same.

Love,

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Leaving The Toxic Family Dinner Table To Experience The Nourishment Of Love

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

By Jelelle Awen

Better for you to be alone in your own goodness than with others called, ‘family’ who actually don’t see/get/resonate with your soul….

Sitting at your birth family dinner table during the holidays or any day, any time. You adjust to the awkwardness, the things left unsaid. You learn to hide the REAL feelings that come up as you pass the ‘this’ and the ‘that’. You ignore the tensions that ride and glide under every unspoken truth. You hope to remain unseen and safe in an effort to just ‘get through.’

So much you cannot share here…..as there is no room! You put it back in the closet then, far away, as it has no ‘place’. Your truth, your essence cannot be worn or shown. The food has more room than you do as it serves to distract from the disconnect that seems to season everything with flatness.

No wonder parts of you struggle to digest and to eat! No wonder you never really feel full! No wonder you are left wanting SO MUCH more than what you received! No wonder parts of doubt if you will EVER really get what you most want and really need!

So many meals left with rumbling heart still aching for the food of LOVE. So many meals sat with unexpressed fears and unshed tears. So many meals started with hopes and desires only to be left disappointed. So many meals with unacknowledged elephants sitting in the chairs.

Conforming and ‘fitting in’, putting on the mask and learn to wear it well…..avoiding anything ‘deep’ or ‘too heavy’, helping to steer the conversation away from the real or the true or the difficult to say out loud. Parts of you become experts at this dance and this ‘game’ because they HAVE HAD to be. This is survival of the ‘fittest’, those who can perform in this play acting out, those who can BE on this stage….. have the best chance of ‘making it’ and ‘succeeding.’

Yet, oh how WEARY of this are the parts of you that have shrunk to this place for so long! The masks are slipping off, half gone, one side unstrung and hanging loose. Your soul bright light is starting to SHINE through. Your truth is starting to BURST forward. You don’t want to be passed around so lightly any more You don’t want to be passed over. To be disregarded or seen without curiosity is becoming no longer interesting to you.

You are pushing away from this family dinner table. You are reaching your hand out to help parts of you leave it too that are ‘stuck’ there, even if it has been many years ago. You are opening your heart to hold the fears and tensions and anxieties that come up from leaving the ‘safety’ of this game. You are letting go of reacting to what other’s judge or think or feel about you.

You are open, now, to finding the table of your soul tribe. To taking in the meals of nourishing love in every bite, every exchange, every moment of BEing in the real. All is spoken out, revealed, and shared as THAT is what is most nourishing and, ultimately, most natural. Curiosity and reverence are passed around as the currency that spends between this family. All parts of you come forward to be seen, to be felt, and to be acknowledged.

THIS is the new earth experience of ‘family dinner’, of the gathering together where we offer new energy to a common ritual. THIS is the transition from the old and what so many of us have known and INTO the NEW, where realness is the spice and love flavors every bite.

Love,

Jelelle Awen

1:1 sessions available with me for women to bridge with MUCH love to the places/parts/energies inside that may still be at that family dinner table. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about  1:1 individual sessions with her for women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.