Category: Parts / Subpersonalities

Day 3 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen Day 3

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 3 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Raphael: Good Morning team. Pardon me, I realized that I’m the only one on the team that needs to sleep…, well, me and the posse of hearts here too.

Metatron: Sleep is good, Raphael. You feel awake though.

Raphael: I so do. The past few years have felt challenging to parts of me having as much free time as I do, quite an adjustment from the busyness of life that I knew in other settings and times. But this journey before us is rumbling through me with a passion and an excitement. It’s 4:30 in the morning as I sit on the patio in the predawn thumbing away again on this iPad. Thank you for this joint mission.

Metatron: What do you feel about that on a deeper level?

Raphael: hmmm. I’m feeling how all my life, I, or the part of me living my life as me at that time, sought mission and purpose. God forbid, pardon the pun, that I would lead a meaningless life. This part of me, so wanted to escape boredom. I still feel I have aspects of my Metasoul that want to heal and feel that one through my present life story to this day. This was so much a part of the draw to Christianity, getting approval and purpose from thee creator, thee God, with a capital ‘g’, thee God of everything. Where this all lands in me in this moment is that I still feel we play a big role with our intentions and choice points about how we are going to relate to life.

Metatron: What’s your intention for today, for now?

Raphael: I feel, and I like starting my intentional statement with the words, ‘I feel’,… I feel I want to be intentional and conscious of everything I’m feeling as I’m feeling it. Am I feeling everything that’s moving through me and giving love to any place of fear, giving curiosity to any place of tension or hiding? Am I showing up for myself?

Metatron: Wow, there’s a new universe, right there! And certainly doesn’t sound like one ruled by the Demiurge!

Raphael: Yes! I still very much want aliveness, and juice flowing through my veins, but I want a different relationship with all of that inside of me. I get to feel, I like to say.

Metatron: We said we’d like to talk about your Christian journey and the events that led to its demise in you. This feels like a good time to get into that. The journey to the Demiurge will need us all being brought up to speed on some of this for sure.

Raphael: Okay. I get to story tell some. I like that. There are still parts of me that have pieces to feel and heal around all of this and so sharing is an opportunity to feel them, and this journey then gets to re-create the whole deal as well.

As I said, I so wanted purpose and mission. As a teen, I wanted to escape the aimlessness I felt around me and even in my family’s version of ‘Christianity light’, as I saw it at the time. I left the family denomination at 19, where I was already an active youth leader, in one fell swoop, decided to renounce my infant baptism, by choosing adult baptism, joined another non-denominational church and signed up for the full time Bible School they hosted. I had become really drawn to miracles, signs and wonders. I wanted something real, that I could feel. I felt how the longstanding family history in a denomination felt dead to me, culturally stuck, and sooo eternally  and damnably boring. I had sat through 2 church services every Sunday since I was a week or two old, and about the only thing I hated more was the dentist.

I recall as a young boy, around 5 years old, as spring had sprung and the snow had receded in northern British Columbia, the neighborhood boys were rounding up a group to go play baseball. I looked high and low for my treasured ball glove, but couldn’t find it. After I had looked everywhere, it dawned on me that ‘God knew where my ball glove was’. I paused and prayed to God to help me find my glove, then opened my eyes, resumed my search, and boom, there it was. ‘God’ was just a given in my reality.

At 17, I ‘knew I wasn’t living right’, and that ‘I would go to hell if I died’. The pot smoking and wanting to get my hands up a girls shirt were things that had to go. I was also living with a self diagnosis of suffering with a big ‘inferiority complex’ and depression. This was the moment I made my first cult switch, as I dropped my circle of friends overnight, and jumped into my family’s Christianity. I again bargained with God ‘that unless he delivered me from my inferiority complex, I wouldn’t amount to anything’ which is kind of funny now as I feel it. I kind of told God that he needed to cough up or he wasn’t going to get any goods out of me. The crazy thing though was about 3 weeks later, while out driving my dads car, it dawns on me that I had not had any deep depression feelings for that whole time. I sincerely believed that God had answered my desperate prayer and heart cry. My energy field shifted and it wasn’t long and I was President of the youth group at our church, and the inferiority subsided.

Merlin: Wow, Raphael. I think it would have been better had you managed to get your hands up more girls shirts.

Raphael: I know! right? Merlin, thanks for jumping in here. This can all use some breathing. Part of me so was afraid of my sexuality and my desires for mateship as well, that ‘giving it all to God’ felt like ‘the right thing to do’. Again, I pawned off onto God for safekeeping what I was afraid of, just like I was afraid of my inferiority and depression and needed to use God as a way to escape it.

I met a young woman at this time through some church youth volunteer mission work, and we found our way into a romance and I felt like my life went instantly from a 2 to 9.5 on a scale of 10. Sex was being ‘saved for marriage’, and this was any kind of ‘sex’ other than kissing. When she broke up with me 11 months later, I knew it had to do with me wandering from the family faith that we were both deeply a part of, and looking to greener pastures of more exciting forms of Christianity, even the dreaded Charismatic Movement. The day following our break up, my family was away on a weekend camping trip and I sat in the black lazy boy chair in the empty living room with the house to myself, and the well of tears wanted to come, but I was able to hold them, and the depression at bay. I called a friend instead to arrange to go for coffee. Something in me ‘knew that I knew’ not to go to that ocean of tears. I again called on God to deliver me from this pain. I managed to walk away unscathed on the surface. It would be not until 19 years later that I re-encountered my depression, finally able to self lovingly let it arise to the surface to begin feeling it. Wow, talk about an effective suppression strategy, and ‘God’ was at the center of it.

How am I doing Metatron? We felt to go to me sharing about the demise of my Christianity, and I’m taking the long road  to get there…

Metatron: You’re doing perfectly. How are you feeling as you are sharing this?

Raphael: I’m feeling a ton of compassion for the me who managed and lived all of that through, for the reasons I did. I can feel another version of me who could have been able to weep all those tears at that time of the deepest conscious loss of my life; the me who is here now. And that feels good.

Metatron: Your sharing feels good too. Please…

Raphael: So, then is about when I was preparing to jump ship again and trade in everything I had for the Charismatic Movement in Christianity. I so wanted to be able to ‘speak in tongues’ as they called it. I felt this was proof of the real power of God. I knew I was ‘saved’, and my fears of hell were well behind me now in the rear view mirror, but I so wanted to feel this miracle kind of experience. It was a bit of a long journey finally arriving at the moment where in response to a church altar call, I was essentially coached into being able to access prayer language, but what a glorious moment it was feeling this miracle of prayer language flow through me in all kinds of dialects and intonations that I could play with at will. I went home that night and prayed for another hour. I knew I was at a turning point.

After a few more months of logistics and gathering the courage, I knew it would have to be a tear-the-bandaid-off kind of approach. My father had said a few months prior that if I left the church, or got adult baptized, I’d have to move out of the house. I sat him down one evening and told him in one breath and one non-stop sentence, that I was leaving the church, resigning from my youth group presidency, joining the Charismatic Church I’d been visiting, attending their full time Bible School in the fall as well as getting adult baptized. He said nothing, looked away and asked my mom for an aspirin as his headache had flared up just then. He came down to my room later that evening and told me, quite surprisingly, that he felt that if I felt my Heavenly Father was guiding me, then who was he, as my earthly father to stand in the way.

It’s interesting I’ve managed to connect with my dad, Jim, as a guide, since he passed away close to 10 years ago now. He died a few years after me jumping ship yet again, leaving Christianity, leaving a 23 year marriage, and admitting I no longer held Jesus as my personal savior. My last memory of him in this life was him in a hospital bed looking so weak a few weeks before he died, as I felt my inner boy part of me looking at him in his weakness, recalling his admiration of his dad’s once strong body. My dad garnered his energy to sit up and tell me with his forefinger pecking at the roll-away bedside eating table that ‘God said in his word that we are to honor our father and our mother, and that He ‘instituted’ family.’ We were miles apart and I chose not to go back to sit again in that energy for any more of that disconnect.

I can so feel his new energy now and feel to let him pop in here, as I’ve energized him by speaking about him.

Jim: Thank you Raphael. I love your new name. It so rocks. We gave you the name Marvin, but you chose Raphael. I’m so sorry I fed you the horse shit pile called Christianity that I was fed. I didn’t find the courage to stand up to it like you did. I know we agreed to these roles before acting them out together, but I still feel sadness that you felt pain. That was some tuff shit we agreed to. And I want to say that the Bible is the biggest horse shit pile of them all, some really attractive horse shit mind you, but shit none the less. I don’t feel afraid of God from where I am today, but boy, did I ever in my life with you. I always thought I wasn’t a coward, standing up to bullies, but you are standing up to the biggest bully of them all. I’m so proud of you.

Raphael: There you have it! Thank you Jim. That changes the energy doesn’t it!? Your voice and presence feels so accessible and I’ll count you in as another guide on this journey. Big horse shit piles! Wow. Part of me is remembering all that doctrine just now about omnipresence, omnipotence, and a few other omni’s, like omniscience.

Merlin: Sounds to me like Jim got over his God-fearing ways, and I say we sniff out the same horse shit. If God had to prattle on about his Omni this and Omni that, it sounds to me like he never had it to begin with. We gave that to him as a sacrifice of our own divinity, borne out our insecurity and unfelt wounds. We’ve been eating horseshit ever since and calling it dinner. Fucking no more!!

Raphael: Okay, and now a swearing Merlin on our hands. You usually come off so wise sounding and even-tempered Merlin…

Merlin: There’s some things that really need some fire,… earth, wind and fire, yes and Amen, if that sounds any better…

Raphael: It’s all perfect, and I need to pause for today and pick this up right where we’re leaving off if I may. I feel juiced about the opportunity to share more of my story and feel your digestions of it as we go. Metatron?…

Metatron:  I’ll need the day to take in Jim and Merlin, ‘fucking no more!’ I love it. Where did we ever this morality horseshit about what’s right, wrong, and proper, instead of feeling what we feel. So yes, I’m good and I’ll be ready when you are.

Raphael: Thanks everyone, and a big salute again to the growing posse of hearts joining this journal and journey. Same time, same channel, manana.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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Embrace Rather Than Resist: Nothing Inside Of You Is Truly Negative, Dark, Or Evil

Published on by Jelelle Awen6 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

The pain comes from what has been resisted inside of you rather than embraced. The suffering comes from continual loops that pit one energy inside of you against another one. Resistance is feeling anything as ‘evil’ or ‘dark’ or ‘negative’ inside. Resistance is judging without love your body, your behaviors, your choices, your experiences.
 
Resistance is labeling things as ‘negative entities that attack you’ and then going to battle with them or to war with them (even with ‘light’) or trying to cast them out. Such a long legacy of this approach with roots in exorcisms, some Shamanism that now takes the form in New Age spirituality as ‘implant removals’. This feels like fear trying to fight fear with more fear. This only seems to produce MORE fear inside of you and in response to the outside world.
 
To embrace rather than resist is to BEcome curious, to BEcome loving, to BEcome your own ambassador to ALL the energies inside of you. To see all of what has felt like outside that is ‘doing something bad to you’ as actually coming from INside and that it has been necessary to be there. Each of these energies has stories to tell you, pieces of YOUR puzzle to offer you. While you resist them, while you label them as bad or wrong, while you disown or reject them, while you hold tension and panic in your body, while you respond in flight or fight…..you cannot create and hold the loving space to find out and discover what they are here to offer you. You cannot experience the GIFTS that these energies actually have to offer you.
 
These energies arise from often very intense unhealed polarities from one part of you to another; a dominating masculine and a repressed feminine; a dominating matriarch/inner mother and a repressed sensitive masculine; an inner mother/matriarch or inner father/patriarch and a very sensitive yet rebellious inner teenager. One of the usual dynamics is a rather ruthless feeling Punisher part of you and the corresponding shame/unworthiness that comes up in the inner child and inner Teenager in response to it. Another polarization can be the 3D Self parts that are trying so hard to remain anchored into 3D to be ‘safe’ there and the 4D awakening parts and Metasoul aspects that just want to ascend and yet don’t know how to be a bridge. Aspects from other timelines/lifetimes can be hugely polarized against your reality and everyday ‘modern’ living. More about parts and Metasoul aspects here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts
 
To embrace rather than resist is to BEcome a bridge to all of these polarities. To BE in the middle of them with love, to recognize where the source of them comes from, and to provide love to BOTH sides without actually taking sides. This ambassador YOU is watered by the Divine, who never takes sides, who never sees anything or any BEing or any energy as ‘evil’ or ‘truly negative.’
 
All energies serve a purpose in their creation…..until they are ready to move back into love again for which they are being constantly invited by the Divine to do so.
 
This ambassador YOU is your Divine Self, your Higher Self coming into your body. Your Divine Self can offer a brand NEW reality of acceptance and forgiveness to ALL dynamics and polarities and inner relationships that it finds and discovers. Your Divine Self feels when someone else’s unhealed polarities and fear are being projected onto you. When a healer or teacher has not undergone the deep dive into their emotional body and soul field to heal and feel their own polarities, it is difficult for them to offer you a truly uncharged and loving energy in response to yours. Their unhealed fear inside projects onto you and triggers the parts of you that are also in fear. I have seen trauma created from this in seekers and in teachers/healers that are innocent in one way in perpetuating this unfelt cycle with each other.
 
I know this sounds simple in some ways. Embrace rather than resist. Yet, what is challenging about this is that we haven’t been given the language to describe these dynamics. We haven’t been given a model for how to BE this way with ourselves and ALL parts of ourselves. Instead, we have been fed, bred, and served clashing polarities in our governments, in our parents and families relationships with each other and with us, in our religious and spiritual groups, in our professional and cultural societies. This has been 3D going into 4D, to experience this clash of separation, isolation, competition, contention, insecurity, scarcity, distrust, and lack of surrender and to accept it as ‘normal’ and even necessary.
 
ALL of us have received this conditioning as we have chosen to be here during this phase of Ascension with Gaia. To battle and to fight is ingrained in our Metasouls, where multiple and many timelines are playing out these very inner polarities expressing on the outside. To pick up the sword, to lash out in words, to take sides….this has been our dominant experience in 3D and even going into 4D as well.
 
You have probably put down the swords that parts of you used to take up towards others. You probably have forgiven others in a deeply genuine way.
 
Yet, now, is the turning inward and offering to yourself and ALL parts of you what you have extended to everyone else. Now is self forgiveness and self compassion that FLOODS all parts of you with love that transmutes, that transforms, that brings HOPE and infinite possibilities to every cell in your BEing and every remaining trauma and pain in your emotional body. Now is to BEcome your own love ambassador and bring diplomacy and peace to any warring factions that remain inside your BEing.
 
Now is to embrace rather than resist….inviting it all by love and with love to BEcome love once again.
~
We provide support for the arising/rememberance of your ambassador self and a bridge for your connection to all aspects of yourself (led by you) through sessions. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

FREE PDF of Jelelle Awen’s book, Under The Bloated Banyan, available today!

Published on by Raianna Shai2 Comments

Jelelle is sharing today as a FREE GIFT PDF her spiritual memoir called Under The Bloated Banyan: My Journey From Awakening To Disillusionment Within a High-Demand Spiritual Group.

“Banyan covers a six year span of time starting in December 2003 where I began my awakening journey through parts work process in earnest. It also shares my courtship and dating and eventual marriage with Raphael after we both left the group together in 2008. None of my soul family friends and teacher would talk with me after this time and I also gave up my livelihood as a facilitator of the work. This was such a bittersweet time. Falling in love while it felt like so much of my life and who I felt that I was connected to the group falling apart. I learned so much during and after this time about myself, parts of me, my Metasoul legacy, and what kind of leader/teacher/healer I wanted to be and NOT be.

The content in Banyan (I first published it for a couple of years in 2013) was once controversial and very vulnerable for parts of me to share this story as many people still in the group (and once my beloved soul family) judged and criticized me for sharing it. Now, the group has been dissolved for a few years, so there is less charged sense about sharing it again. This phase of my journey now feels like a movie, something that happened to someone else in some ways, an alternative timeline. I can feel the parts of me that have since healed from being so self conscious, anxious, drawn to dysfunctional and even abusive relationships. Yet, still, it lives in my heart as very real and, of course, my sacred union connection ground with Raphael began in these soils.

It feels timely to share this story too as the collective moves from spiritual/religious codependency models such as the guru-devotee to the sovereign “I” experiencing Unity Consciousness within a community with healthy leadership. I think you will find this story interesting if you have been curious about what it is like to be in an intense high-demand group and esp. If you have drawn this experience yourself this life or just are curious to feel and know more about my personal journey. Plus, ultimately, this is an inspiring story about love and how it prevails and is often revealed during the most dark and difficult circumstances!”

You can purchase this book in e-book and print editions too, as well as her other three books here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/books

You can read an excerpt here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/under-the-bloated-ban…

 

~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Ascension Love Energies Invite Healing Of Contention In Our Parts And Metasoul Aspects

Published on by Kasha Rosa3 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

The illuminating LOVE waves cascading over us now and always, are shedding light on the knotted places inside. The places that, when touched, send ripples of what have become knee-jerk triggers flowing through our hearts and bodies. Feelings of defeat or a need or contend, feelings of loss or a need to over-compensate for what has been lost, feelings of needing and wanting to “fight” – for revenge, for retribution, in defense, in anxiety – ultimately, out of fear on some level. Contention and the temptation towards it that parts of us and Metasoul Aspects have is the BIG one, it feels like. It has been the main default for when we feel reactions. It’s either time to go to war, or it’s time to hide. And the middle ground doesn’t often get navigated, for even to claim to be a ‘light” or “love warrior” still throws down the gauntlet and invites a battle of some kind.

Love, because it is SO powerful when it’s in its purest, most real form, has the power to elucidate this reactivity and does draw out the desires in parts and Metasoul Aspects to fight in some way, often against it actually, because genuine love is a challenging energy to let in and presses on all of the unworthiness within us. Sometimes we need to walk this out and obviously as a species, human beings have been attached to this sort of play out in conflictual situations for a long time now. We cannot fault or blame the parts of us or others who have embodied this, as we’ve all co-created it in so many layers and sometimes even in subtle ways, and, these parts have NEEDED these energies. Especially in the harsh reality of 3D where there is competition, abuse and violence on MANY levels, socio-pathic ferocity without consideration of its impact, and misguided use of power, so often rooted in an intense need for more self-worth and love within.

At times, contentious energies seem to pop out of us, sometimes unsolicited, sometimes fully invited. These energies and emotions, like any others that come through us in waves, sometimes need to take the floor. Choosing to make space for this, to own it and feel it and get curious about it too, opens to the door to much, much healing on this ground. To the degree that we have contention still brewing inside of us, quite often from part to part or very much alive in a timeline (or many) of our Metasoul Aspects, we will draw it, even look for it, on the outside.  In this incredibly complicated world that has been so violent and painful at times to face and be part of, reclaiming our power IS to go inward and become the loving parent to parts of us that so need a humble adult heart to lean into. We’ve all felt the distrust that arises and the lostness feelings of needing to claw our way up and out of the wells we’ve found ourselves in. Contention has so often been the only way that parts of us could grab onto to help themselves out of the well, often exacerbating the situation instead of resolving it, especially within where the real contention is and has always been…

With these Ascension love codes helping us feel all of this now, comes an invitation to continue feeling our next places and especially where those more contentious triggers within us are still living. We get to be with these energies as they live inside parts and Metasoul Aspects of us and help them find and feel a NEW way that lives in and from true self-love and an overflow of abundant compassion and love from us to the world and back again. This is the way of drawing the new day of the New Earth into our Now, not as an event to wait for, but a reality that emerges from within and contagiously and courageously flows outward.

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

March For Our Lives: A Movement Of New Earth Co-Creators And Leaders

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

Saturday… This past Saturday was the day of the March For Our Lives rally. Drawing hundreds of thousands of young men and women, some barely even teenagers, to march, to walk, to stand-up for something NEW. This movement isn’t just about an end to gun violence and a determination to elect an American government that will create stronger gun laws. It’s about something much, much bigger…

This is the generation that is here to end the cycle of violence and co-create a new world, with those of us who are willing to collaborate with them. These are the seeds of the NEW New Earth. The one that guides us even further out of 3D cycles of bloodshed and hate crimes based in power struggles, based in profound inner-wounding and self-hatred, based in collective unworthiness of love. This generation is bringing the love, just as my generation, made-up of many Indigo and Crystal souls, has tried to, yet often still with too much of a “warrior” mindset and heart cry and too much of an outward focus, not really going within.

The hearts of these ones who decided to rally are not unlike those who rallied in the Occupy movement or the Vietnam protests. It’s all based on a desire for change… deep change. The sort of change that doesn’t just happen overnight and indeed needs to come first “from the mouths of babes”, literally. So here it is… their proposal and desire for BIG shifts in our consciousness. Rainbow and Crystal souls, many of them. Ones that actually came here to do this, be this new wave of Sacred Human from their youth on upward. It is as much a press for anyone willing to listen to actually stop for a moment and FEEL… to feel the world, the needs of ourselves, the needs of our parts within that so ache for love and change. That so desire a world that is different, more welcoming, starting within.

I might not be standing with these powerful souls in person, yet I feel my heart and soul supporting them, welcoming them to their missions here on Gaia, joining my tears with theirs for the violence, starting ALWAYS from within, has gone on for so long and now is moving into completion. I feel their souls lighting up at this opportunity to move into being a part of a world that they feel empowered to co-create and co-lead, too. And it won’t matter really who is “in office” so much as how they are continuing to feel, inhabit and live from their own hearts. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

The March Of Your Life Starts Within

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

Yesterday, the March For Our Lives movement demonstrated an arising timeline in the US. I have not spent a huge amount of time reading but enough to feel a dynamic in my heart. There is a new wind blowing in the outing of a “done-ness” that a generation is having with the old guard. A consciousness of fear that has used fear to perpetuate a right to fear.

I remember it all too well. It is a terribly bleak view of the world that does what it can to use the power of data and interpretation of the law to not FEEL what is happening. Feeling is not accepted as a legitimate data point. The experience of those that have been emotionally and physically terrorized are not quantifiable so therefore inadmissible. I get that this edges on a debate. Yes, I get there are a lot of facts out there. I don’t think I could “win” them. I am only here to feel and bear a heart presence to what is wanting to shift in our consciousness around the violence in our midst.

This violence IS a consciousness of fear and separation. There is a pain that lies at that heart of it all that can only come out in collision. It is rumbling through the poetic words of a generation that is tired of sitting quietly. The heart of this Voice is seeking a Unity. A unification that highlights the polarization of a population. It is a macrocosm of what is happening in the soul of a nation, within each heart of the players in the drama.

It becomes an issue of lives lost vs. lives saved. Rights vs. Rights. Money vs. Voice. A lot of ‘versus’. But this feels like a part of the Awakening. The Arising. The question is does it fold into the ‘Violence Trap’ or the ‘Violet Heart’? Where does this movement hold its center? That center must be held withIN. Love can only come out on top of this one if it has any hope of waking others up, if it is meant to do so.

This is the human heart facing itself. Coming to terms with itself. We are One. We are Individual. How does that reconcile Itself in the depths of our passions, purpose, and experience? I feel we are being INvited into our own narratives. What stories are we holding onto and for what reason? What story wants to be explored beyond what we have allowed parts of ourselves to be stuck with? A revision is being sought on a national and global scale, yet the biggest revision occurs when the movement happens within.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

March Energies Update: Cellular Clearings And Healthy Transitions In Diet And Habits To Let In More Light

Published on by Jelelle Awen5 Comments
By Jelelle Awen

Cellular clearings going on at the physical and emotional body levels to let in these codes coming from the strong SOULar winds yesterday and today. These clearings happen in the 3D bodies of our 3D Self in the memory stored in our every living cell. The clearings act as a detoxifying process to make room for the PURE love and light to come in. The transition from dense carbon to crystalline in which our body is acting as a receiver and transmitter of light.

These clearings can show up in addition to the usual adjustments to SOULar activities, such as dizziness, shift in sleep patterns, headaches and body muscle pains, nausea. This may be happening for you if you previously engaged in toxic activities with your body such as drug and alcohol overuse, cigarette smoking, eating lots of processed foods. I feel that eating animals is another toxicity that has to be cleared from the cells as the killing and fear frequency stores there. The choice to no longer eat animals is a BIG boost in your ascension process and much more light can come in if you transition to this. I have been guided so many times in this by Star BEing/Higher Dimensional aspects and the Divine Mother that ingesting any BEing that has been killed lowers your vibrational frequency. Once parts of you let go of the ‘comfort’ that eating meat can represent, then some other parts of you (such as the Inner Child) can come in to feel how much they have actually resisted it and not liked it. Now is a wonderful time to make the transition as the high SOULar energies will support it….and there are so many amazing meat substitutes now that really taste great.

I am going through another round of cellular clearing from smoking for 15 years. Even though I have not smoked in many years, the memory of all those cigarettes is stored in my cells. I am also feeling more of the soul reasons that I smoked after a long time of feeling and healing the emotional reasons. Another layer is being pushed up to clear by these SOULar energies. Also, activity in the lungs and throat and chest is a sign of Higher Heart activation as our capacity to breathe in and out the heart cries of the world and for ourselves grows and expands.

Smoking is another activity that I’ve been guided is based in a place of unworthiness and numbing of anxiety for parts of us. It can also be connected to the Inner Punisher part and the corresponding shame that comes up. It also lowers your vibrational frequency as you are literally inhaling killing toxicities into your lungs. How could this NOT impact your frequency? Even vapors and e-cigarettes feel like they are part of the same root unworthiness. Sometimes smoking is used as a self protection to keep you ‘small’ and ‘safe’ and from going to your next level in soul bigness. Negotiating with the parts of you that need smoking and why can help a lot with quitting. This is how I was finally able to after so many years of doing it. Once I started parts work and connected with parts of me and they were getting felt by me and love from me, they didn’t look to the cigarettes for comfort anymore and were able to stop.

I feel we are being pressed by these Divine energies to choose the most self loving lifestyles that we can. This is not offered in judgement of us, yet rather in sympathy to how challenging it has been to be in such density and how we have needed these things to anchor us here. As Gaia’s frequencies become so much more porous, we get to adjust along with her and it becomes more easy to give up the denser frequency foods and habits. It becomes more appealing to eat foods with the highest light quotients, such as fruit and vegetables. To move our bodies regularly and lovingly with yoga, stretching, etc. To abstain from consuming things that are toxic and bad for us. This is a big aspect of living New Gaia/Earth Now in our everyday reality.

Be gentle with these transitions and the parts of you that may struggle with them. The chemical dependency may move out fast from your body as it does not actually want anything that isn’t healthy for it. It is the more deeply rooted emotional body attachments and conditionings and woundings that can be much more challenging for parts of you. Self loving compassion and negotiation can go in deep here. This isn’t about will power as much as it about a self lovingly led invitation to BE healthy on all levels that includes your body vessel. We offer spaceholding sessions and programs to support you in these transitions as well. More info at soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Be gentle, yes, with yourself and your body the next few days as it feels like these SOULar activities continue. Check in with your body to see what it is telling you that it most wants and needs that serves too your highest timeline manifestation of it becoming truly your light body vehicle. Every living cell is shifting and love makes it ALL possible!

Here is another writing I did on cellular clearing: https://soulfullheartblog.com/2017/10/06/major-cellular-clearing-going-on-for-every-living-cell-in-the-body/

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Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Being With Your Inner Masculine As A Woman

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

I wrote a digestion a few days back of the incoming energies really working the wounded masculine – helping us to see it within ourselves, others, the world around us, and in so doing, to help us start to see the emerging Sacred Masculine, which we cannot really start to feel until we can feel what it is NOT first… as always, starting within.

I’ve actually been working with my Inner Masculine for a few years now as part of my process on the SoulFullHeart path. “He” has had many forms – Inner Protector, Gatekeeper (4D protector of your soul, especially your Metasoul Aspects), Inner Father, Inner Punisher, and all in all, my Inner Mate. all in different waves, layers and expressions, all with different names and frequencies too. Nowadays he goes by the name of “Malcolm” and together we are feeling through what feel like some lingering and perhaps finally completing tendrils and ties to 3D reality, which he has held as so dear for so long, and for many valuable reasons.

As a woman, it feels so incredibly important to acknowledge, deeply feel, and profoundly honour the Inner Masculine within, as they are as much a part of what makes up the remaining patriarchal and wounded masculine frequencies and realities in our current world and widespread reality, both within and outside of us. We have as much responsibility to feel these frequencies within as men do… and this world we are experiencing and wanting to deconstruct in order to rebuild into New Earth, is one we, as parts of us, have co-created.

Today I chose to spend a magical and unfolding afternoon with Malcolm, as it was his wish to do this with me… to have some dedicated “us” time where we can feel each other and feel our relationship start to move into higher vibrations together. He waxed metaphysical as we sat in a local (very Mexican, very sweet!) coffee shop and journaled together. I will share our dialogue together, as it offers you a bridge into being with a part of you, and a way in which to be with your own Inner Masculine (as a man or woman!).

~

Malcolm: I like this place, Kalayna… A/C would be nice, but it’s good…. Coffee is good, new environment is good… can’t get too congested and busy in here because it’s so small, AND they speak English really well! It’s sweet… and it’s nice to not have to hold Spanish with you right now.

Kalayna: Right? And after all that notebook hunting, looking for a small one to fit into a purse, we still ended up with more stuff than will (really) fit in my purse. Hilarious!

M: I know… oh well… I have to get used to letting go of agendas and pictures… or at least any attachment to them.

K: Yes, well, that will come… is here already, actually. You are doing it, little by little.

M: Yes. I’m letting that (and you) in!

I’m sorry I can be such an ass sometimes…
K: It’s OK, Malcolm. That isn’t very common now… you are not an ‘ass’, my friend. You are protective sometimes maybe, but nothing more than that.

M: Thank you… I do feel like I am changing. Sometimes it’s hard to believe how much I can change actually and AM being invited to change, which really in my case means letting go more than anything else.

K: What does ‘letting go’ mean to you?

M: Oof… well, control. Letting go of control or any attempt at it. God, THAT alone causes so much stress, because life IS out of control… YOU are out of control.

K: I am? 🙂

M: Ummmm, well, your growth is, yes! Your destiny is, yes!

K: What do you feel about ‘destiny’, Malcolm?

M: I feel like it is a fixed star always on the horizon. Just, I don’t know, the highest point of your highest timeline… where maybe someone may not get to in one particular timeline, but eventually their soul will get there. OK, I am waxing metaphysical right now!

K: Please go on! I love it!

M: (blushing a little) OK… I will continue.

What if “destiny” isn’t a carrot held by Divine forces, but is instead an inevitability? And what if maybe the destiny, the Grand Destiny, if you will, is really just an ultimate return to love, but with ALL of the growth, changes and trajectories you’ve inhabited left intact. A “return to Source” in a way, but as the mosaic piece you ARE becoming fully carved out and painted in your soul’s unique energies and colours? I get the sense that humans are unique beings because they have and ARE uniqueness… I don’t know. It’s that Conscious Duality piece again, it seems (side note: more on Conscious Duality on our blog, if you’re curious).

K: Yes, wow, that actually opens something up in my heart. Thank you, Malcolm.

M: Yeah… it feels good and purposeful and interesting…. We came from love and unto love we shall return… with significance, not pride or arrogance. Yet significance. And reverence for ALL… wow… Juicy!

K: Sure is! 🙂

M: Thank you for this today, Kalayna.

K: You’re so welcome, Malcolm. More of this to come, sometimes with Gabriel too! 😀 And of course our other beloveds too… with more beloveds to come soon.

M: Yes! I would like that…

K: Me too. 

~

The pictures accompanying this post are from today! Me at the coffee shop (you can sort of see/feel Malcolm in my field), some goodies well-enjoyed, and the beautiful sun codes we took in together too. 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process: Gatekeeper Edition

Published on by Raianna Shai2 Comments

By Raianna Shai

I recently felt the desire within myself to write and share more often. I felt into what it is that my heart could offer in order to serve with passion and curiosity and not out of duty or obligation. Then I came to the conclusion that closest to my heart is my personal process. In some moments I feel that I can teach and offer clarities, but what’s most prominent for me in this moment is my parts process. I’m sure there are many who are curious about what the SoulFullHeart process entails, how it is unique to each person, and how it can shift and change your reality, so I wanted to provide some answers for those questions.

I’m not at the very beginning of this process as I’ve been doing about a year and a half of sessions now, but the beautiful thing about it is that we’re kind of all beginners, all the time. Our souls are so vast and deep that it seems would could be discovering more about it for the rest of our lives. But the biggest shifts seem to happen in the beginning, when 3D is being let go of and we begin to know our parts and gain trust with them and the Divine.

I’ve let go of a lot of 3D. Relationships, jobs, certain ways of living. I’m at the point in my process now where I’m breaking more and more into 4D and 5D. Discovering more of my soul and metasoul rather than this-life experiences. The beginning of that journey has been connecting with what we call a Gatekeeper. You can read more about them here and more about 3D/4D/5D here.

My Gatekeeper’s name is Pandora. I connected with her many months ago, thinking of her as a Protector rather than something more multidimensional. Feeling her now, she has revealed herself to be the guardian of my soul – particularly the darker and more somber metasoul timelines.

In my last session, Kalayna and I visited her where she lives etherically. She was open to the visit and showed us the “bunker” that she lived in. It was dark, dreary and had a feeling of deep sadness that made the air seem thicker. To me it felt like a tombstone, full of death and sorrow and pain. She had a separate room for her Pandora’s Box where it felt like she kept my metasoul connections. I felt martyrdom in her – this feeling of protecting me from any shadow in my soul by holding and feeling it all herself. Like jumping on a bomb to save me.

But I didn’t wish her to hold onto that at all! In fact, it kept me from feeling and healing those parts of my soul so that they could transmute into love. But I understood how she couldn’t trust me to be big enough to hold all of that quite yet. I still had some healing to do with my parts and maybe I still have a bit more left. Kalayna asked if there was anywhere else we could take her, somewhere lighter, somewhere she enjoyed and we could breathe.

So we left the bunker and right outside was hill with a giant and ancient tree sitting on top. I felt her familiarity with this tree as a place of sanctuary for when she was feeling more open. I could feel then how much she suffered over her own suffering, which inspired to be the soul big enough to heal this shadow for the both of us.

My Inner Teenager Ariana and Inner Child Raia were waiting excitedly for us at the top of the hill under the great tree. I felt a relief in Pandora after many tears and feeling the joy and purity of Ariana and Raia. She finally allowed herself to be felt and understood, and we finally had the trust between us to support the process with love.

What felt like something so small – just simply listening to and feeling this aspect of myself – opened out a whole new world of potential soul and emotional healing. I can’t give enough testimonials to this work which dives so deeply into YOU like so little else can. There’s so much left for me to feel, heal, discover, and love up so I hope you’ve enjoyed letting this in and my parts and I look forward to sharing more!

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

An Island Unto Yourself: The Loneliness Of 4D Awakening And Ascension

Published on by Gabriel Heartman4 Comments

Ascension and awakening can be a lonely process. Even when surrounded by others there may be a feeling that you are not really there. Not totally present to what is really being said or to the minutia of the day. It can feel like you are in another person’s body, in someone else’s life. All that made sense at one point fails to make much sense anymore. New information, new feelings, new awarenesses are arising. They are coming to the surface by drip or by flood. Though they are not really new….you are just beginning to remember the nature of your BEing.

As you have walked through our conditioned world, the one you subscribed to either fully or partially, you created a world of relationship that matched that conditioning. But as this arising awareness has begun to fill your days there is this visceral chasm that begins to be felt between you and those around you. You may feel like an island unto yourself. This is where you feel the self, or part, that was created to exist in that past environment. Like a special suit that is needed to walk on a distant planet.

This can be hard on the YOU that is in that suit, looking behind those eyes. Feeling behind those words. A tiredness may be coming through. An awareness that you feel like a there is a charade going on. Or you keep bringing your truth only to find it falling short of resonance or curiosity. There is a part of you that may be okay with being introverted. Okay with just being alone. That may be better than all the acting. All the interfacing in a rear view mirror.

It important to feel that this YOU is not alone. There are many that are in similar circumstances and situations. The words may be different but the story is the same. There is a world of resonance INside of you when you find the time and desire to explore. There are a family and community of parts of you awaiting your Higher Heart to come and take them home there. An abundance of resonance that lies in the stars and in the heavens.

There is also family and community HERE. On Gaia. In your frequency. In the State of Authenticity that wants to connect and feel with you. Soul brethren and tribe. While it may be necessary to be alone, with the loneliness, to feel the depths and gifts of it, you are also in need of being seen. Being revered. Being heard. Being challenged to become more and more that which you can feel coursing through your veins. You are never alone in many ways and it can be a hard one for a part of you to truly let in and trust. That is the ground to go into what protects you from diving deeper into that pain and coming out the other side with new vision and new conditions.

This is a reminder from all the guides, ancestors, animal spirits, light beings, and angels that surround us at any given moment. It is also a reminder from one human heart to yours. The journey of awakening is the journey of connecting…one part, one heart, one soul at a time.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.