consciousness – Page 65 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Incoming Energies Highlight Shift From Wounded Masculine Awareness To Sacred Masculine Consciousness

Published on March 15, 2018March 17, 2018 by Kasha Rosa2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

These waves of March energies coming through are largely from the Sun, which I so feel holds much Divine/Sacred Masculine love and pulses through the world and through us the codes of awakening into the Sacred more and more. Because of the more masculine energy of these waves, they are activating, penetrating, and really pressing on the parts of us that still need to be felt and healed. They are a poultice in this way, bringing out more and more of the wounds in the collective and in the self too and of course one is a reflection of the other in immense ways.

The masculine love coming in now is not “manly”, not out to prove or disprove anything, not intending to override anything or anybody with almighty power and an iron fist of justice, revenge, or retribution. It’s a container, this masculine love. It is an all-encompassing bear hug from the Divine Father… warm, strong and tight, wanting to lift us up from where we’ve been, but only with our full permission and surrender into His arms.

And, we can’t really begin to feel what this Sacred Masculine looks and feels like, unless we can feel what it is NOT… meaning that at the same time as we are letting in these frequencies of Divine Love in masculine form, we are witnessing in ourselves, others and the world around us what the wounded masculine is as it pops up, sometimes full-on oozes up, to be felt. Parts of us are coming up out of the inner woodwork that have been holding this conditioning of what it means to be a human being in 3D reality, which also very often means that they are holding vibrations of the wounded masculine, and this is true for both men and women.

If you’re suddenly seeing the ways in which the wounded masculine shows up in your life and in the collective right now too, you’re being invited to be a witness to the arising of the Sacred Masculine… in all its vulnerability, heart-based leadership, genuine care and kindness, gentlemanly-ness, chivalry, and contention when necessary yet with heart and not prowess. There’s no need for it to be a warrior or a knight, either. It simply IS power and protection, with a willingness to let in and to let go, too, with its own needs in mind and heart as well as the needs of others – without duty or obligation – simply arising love in response to love. To be a witness to this arising is to feel what isn’t this inside of you, whether you are male or female, and to feel the parts of you and sometimes Metasoul Aspects too that have these frequencies. This is not to make them “wrong” or “bad”, yet to begin the process of supporting them to make the changes that they likely already want to make inside of themselves anyway. To courageously become a true vessel for and recipient of this new-feeling energy of love and sacred masculinity (and also sacred femininity, as they are not really mutually exclusive) is to be willing to go inward.

With all of this Sacred Masculine gusto coming in, we’re invited into new alchemy in our lives, to enter into phases of creation in tandem with the Divine spark inside of us. Divine Mother is known for Her invitational energy and this is here now too, intertwined with the ongoing invitation from the Divine Father to continue your heartful toil, your work within, your steps to offering service and love-based work to others. He and She are both here to help, to guide, to support, to empower. To feel their unconditional, infinite love for you is wonderful… to truly let it in and let it bake inside of you, spurring you on to new depths and heights from within you, is a whole other level of awesome, and a whole other stratum of really seeing and feeling who you are in your most precious essence as a son or daughter of the Divine. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Love Of MU Is Within YOU: A Poem

Published on March 14, 2018 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

Painting: Lemurian Dreams by Tania Marie

It definitely feels like Lemurian energies are here strongly at this time… to support and offer guidance too during this phase of March Equinox energies that promise to last all month, or pretty much. I have recently felt my Lemurian Metasoul Aspect emerge, appropriately for them, during love-making with my beloved, Gabriel. Their sensuality and sexuality is passionate and deeply loving as well as devotional. There is a maturity they possess that is unique to anything I have felt in a Metasoul Aspect before. I am just getting to know my own aspect, who calls herself Misheeki. She offers frequencies of Divine Feminine, sunshine-love, and tropical springtime air. She has raw, tribal energy, coupled with ageless wisdom and depth. I am still trying to work out what her wounding is or could be, honestly, though I’m sure there is some pain, somewhere, though unlike my other Metasoul Aspects I have met and felt so far.

If you’re new to the concept of the Metasoul and Metasoul Aspects, you can read this for more info: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

The following poem I just wrote with Misheeki. It was actually quite challenging to let words come in with the energies she was imbibing (doesn’t help that they love speaking Light Language and not English!), yet hopefully, there is some bridge here that you can walk on to help you feel your own Lemurian aspect if the connection time is ripe. And if it isn’t time to connect with them, then perhaps there is no better time to connect deeper with parts of you that need you right now, while so much is being pressed on, pushed up, activated and upgraded. ❤

by Misheeki (Lemurian Aspect of Kalayna Colibri)

Arising…

the sun of the Self is arising.

Loving.

Feeling.

It is a time of great rebirth into a new dawn of a lighted day,

sung like a beacon

to the ethers of All.

Hum, dum, drum, dum…

The singing of the call surrounds the heart

of the beast that sheds its skin

for the nakedness of New Earth birth.

For naked shall All be

in all the glory

of a babe in the arms of the loved-up ones…

Bringing in the vastness

of YOU…

the bigness of the soul that bears the light

the sound

of a call to the heart

and the bridges built by ropes of wound-up dreamings.

So many… so many awakening

So many calling

So many learning, unlearning…

leaning, not collapsing…

The Divine of Love wants

needs

the Divine of All

to remember…

thrum, dum, drum, dum…

to remember the pulse-beat of Its hero’s heart

courageous and moving

feeling and seeking.

To feel in this light

is to move mountains inside.

To fear the mountains

is to avoid the climb.

To climb the mountains

is to honour their creation

as essential parts

of a freshly re-unified whole.

Know that Mother MU is with you…

during these times of transition and transformation.

Feel that She is not a place

yet a space inside of your being, heart and soul-scape.

Breathe, beloved…

She is with you,

now and always,

and Her Sun is yet still Hers

Though the light is offered through His frequencies

for the up and in and out

of every single spark of NEW, here

and NEW still to come…

***

Learning To Surf The Equinox New Earth Ascension Energies

Published on March 14, 2018April 17, 2018 by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

Woke up at 1:11 this morning. I felt myself restless. I could feel a part of me wanting to presence itself and another part wanting to just go back to sleep. I get up at 3:30 in the morning to prepare for my online English teaching gig. These are the moments when there are inner conflicts and frustrations. Yet with feeling these divergent parts of me I can take space for them that allows me to honor both and negotiate a bit.

I can feel how these current energies are just that. A current, or flux, of activation. They don’t really take stock of what our 3D conditioning has been. “Don’t you realize I need to be up in two hours?”

“I don’t live in Time. Sorry. Well…not so sorry. Just what IS.”

Just what IS indeed. I did a Practical Ascension video yesterday with my beloved Kalayna and we talked about the mental body and its relationship to ascension. I have been feeling this inside myself along with my inner masculine, both of which are so closely connected. This mental masculine feels a press and a frustration with this ISness. It doesn’t always just “go with the flow”.

By that I mean He doesn’t quite know how to surf these Ascension waves sometimes. When there are things to “do” they can just plain get in the way! But this is what these energies are supposed to help us feel. They are activating something beyond our usual and normal. Turning things downside up and inside out. There is an emotional churning that is invited into a conscious feeling space and it is my responsivity (feels less rigid than “responsibility”) to show up for the popcorning going on inside.

These intense energies are meant to shake something up that is in stasis within us. “Busy-ness as usual” is not the order anymore. It is a time to feel what IS. What is your body needing? What are parts of you feeling even in their polarity…especially in their polarity? What truth is rumbling that needs expression as it is being simultaneously repressed? Ascension energies are not just about feeling good, they are about feeling what is real…and sometimes what is real doesn’t always feel good.

This may be a time of cross grain energetics of 3D, 4D, and 5D. Taking the moment to go in and conduct a heart scan of the emotional and spiritual bodies is the call of the day. The mental masculine is in need of the flowing and circular feminine to help assist in this ongoing Equinox UPshift. Feeling what is occurring beyond the mental veil and in our converging Metasoul timelines can bring more clarity to all that may be rumbling inside. This is done through direct negotiation with what we call the Gatekeeper… the doorman, guard, and guide of the veil.

Learning how to surf may be a precursor to learning how to fly. I feel a gratitude for this at the moment even as the eyes are getting heavy and the alarm goes off in an hour. My parts are feeling okay about it as they felt the context and my heart. I can serve love to young children without feeling frustrated. Now there is a movement that feels significant in its simplicity.

There will be a March Equinox Activation New Earth Unity Meditation with Raphael and Jelelle Awen on March 21st at 2:22pm MT. You can find more info and register at this link:
https://www.facebook.com/events/455929834824560/

Painting by Elena Khomoutova
You may find it here for purchase at https://lightfromart.com/catalog/3

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

PRACTICAL ASCENSION: 7 KEY AREAS OF LIFE – MENTAL AREA INTRO

Published on March 13, 2018March 23, 2018 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

In this video, SoulFullHeart Teachers, Facilitators and Sacred Union mates, Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna Colibri, discuss the mental area of life and how we can relate to the mental body from a point of view of love, respect, and spiritual and emotional healing and evolution.

There is so much energy placed on the mind and mental-based reality filtering is lauded and rewarded in our 3D reality, often over any other sort of pursuit or endeavor. Our five senses are the accepted gateway to taking in and understanding our world and the parts of us that make up our 3D Self, including our Inner Protector, Teenager, Mother/Father, and Punisher. As we ascend and awaken into more 4D frequencies and experience of life, sometimes there is a grasping at mental-based spirituality and filtering of spirituality in order to understand what’s happening in the individual and the world too, and why. This can step on the deepening emotional and embodied spiritual experience of awakening and is often a fear-based reaction from parts who are not ready for the awakening or are afraid to let go of 3D reality.

Kalayna and Gabriel also share about the awakening 5D Self, whose reality is more about visceral experience and moving with emotions as they come up rather than rationalizing or filtering them through mental-based conclusions or reasoning. Throughout Ascension, there is more fluidity that is invited, starting within, as the healing and unification of the Self continues and more oneness/non-dual experiences that are well beyond the mind can be had.

They offer too, that the mind is meant to ‘come with us’ during this process of Ascension and not to be left behind as many other spiritual paths offer. It is a crucial aspect of helping us find and visualize what’s possible for us and what our meditation journeys want to offer and show us. Eventually, perhaps the mind as we have known it is not needed anymore, and that alone can leave parts of us feeling anxious about what that reality could mean or be like, especially as the mind and thinking has been so over-emphasized and over-energized in 3D life.

If you have any questions or comments, you can leave them in the comment thread here on the blog, on the Youtube video itself, or find us on Facebook (just look for Kalayna Colibri and/or Gabriel Heartman and/or SoulFullHeart Way Of Life!). You can also email soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through PayPal: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.

Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Energy UPgrades Inviting Surrender To Incoming Love Codes

Published on March 12, 2018March 12, 2018 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

Today was certainly an Energy Bath sort of day! Wow… the day began for me today with my usual Monday morning routine of waking up early (3:30am) to teach English online. I could feel tiredness from a ‘lack of sleep’, yet intuitively, on a level other than the physical, it felt like more. I hadn’t felt tiredness of that sort for quite a while, I believe because doing dedicated inner work with your parts really tunes you into new ways of feeling what’s underneath anything physical going on for you.

I couldn’t feel any emotional rumblings, except some irritability from the ‘tiredness’, so checking in with my parts was brief and didn’t need to go any deeper. I felt guided instead to turn to Youtube, which has become a beloved source (really!) of some amazing music with consciously-added frequencies. I found a piece that vibrated in a 5D love frequency and decided to lay down, crystals and stones laid upon my body in various places, close my eyes, and see where it took me.

The music I was listening to can be found here: https://youtu.be/Yd0j72JgA60

I remember feeling myself easing into the mattress beneath me, my body getting heavier as I lay in savasana, surrendering deeper to the frequencies and where they wanted to take me. Then, a fuzzy feeling came over my limbs, wrapping itself around my entire body. I wondered if this was the frequency of the music itself coming into me. I felt as if I was being asked to lay aside my individuality for a moment or two, not to lose it, but to let it rest. Then I saw my Arcturian Metasoul Aspect, Ohna. She held my hand for a minute and assured me and parts of me that this was a time to surrender to some upgrades, some things I would not understand consciously. She couldn’t explain much to me about the process today with these energies, just that surrendering as I was doing in that moment was all that was necessary.

Then… suddenly I woke up and an hour had gone by when it felt like only a minute! Woah! I felt the tiredness in my body had moved through, not because I had ‘napped’, but because I had actually ‘gone’ somewhere with less density, less atmospheric pressure, and come back with some renewal and integration.

My feeling is that this all is coming from the incoming Equinox gateway, which is upon us quite soon now! It’s a feeling in moments like being a weathervane caught in between two very strong cross-winds… the higher frequencies coming in, inviting us UPward, are trying to give us air as the lower frequencies continue to let go and move out – a process that seems to have much less physical symptoms attached to it if we are in a process of deepening self-love and an ongoing process of really going within. It’s one thing to intend the healing we desire to be on the other side of already, and another thing entirely to walk it out. Walking it out means taking care of yourself and everything, every part of you and your inner world, as well as your physical body and your spiritual growth. And, in turn, this means that there is a humble and real letting in of the energies like the ones today, which can feel intense yet carry very specific love codes that want us to be WELL, and will support us in whatever ways they need to for us to truly find and claim our wellness and loved-up-ness within. ❤

If you’d like to ride these Equinox waves with myself and my beloveds in SoulFullHeart, Raphael and Jelelle Awen are hosting a Free March Equinox New Earth Activations Unity Meditation Call on March 21st @ 2:22pm CST online over Zoom. Please join us! ❤

Love to you on this and all high-energy days!

***

Healing Extremes Of 3D Emotional Conditioning As Human BEings

Published on March 10, 2018 by Kasha Rosa4 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

The 3D, transitioning and UPgrading consciousness of so many humans, seems to become so immersed in extremes. Extremes are sometimes the only way to either deeply feel, often to the point of suffering and not feeling anything beyond suffering is possible, or to absolutely NOT feel altogether. Every individual journey is unique, yet many seem to either choose numbness or intense, overwhelming swims inside of their reactions, without a bigger them there to help find their way to healing shorelines. This is what parts of you can choose… and it is all based on what they are willing to feel or not feel, what is actually safe for them to feel or not feel in their current living/work/relationship situation, and if they are ready to come to true healing and the end of suffering without transcendence being used to avoid all pain in general.

We see and witness this dance of extremes and polarities in so many ways. We see it in race/ethnicity wars, in partisan government division, in our cities where there are rich and poor neighborhoods without much in-between, in protests vs quietness… we see evidence of a highly conflictual world, run by so many Inner Punishers and perpetuated by them too. We feel our Inner Protectors trying to simultaneously keep us out of harm’s way and sometimes make the harm worse or more intense too. An example of this would be whether or not you choose to remain in an abusive relationship – with friends, birth family, supposed soul family and/or gurus, or romantic partners. The self-abuse reigns supreme in these scenarios and is being reflected by these relationships, yet this often cannot be seen or noticed because it has become so normalized. All of these exchanges of us vs. them or them vs. us starts within. Parts feel in often very polarizing ways and other parts have learned ways to cope with this instead of begin to let in that another reality is possible where healing and transformation can actually happen and extremes are no longer needed.

What would or could it look like to find the true ‘middle way’ in your life and in your heart? What would it feel like, BE like, to have a life where you have ample self-permission to feel all there is to feel inside of you while living a life that draws real love to you and lights up from inside of you so many more moments of profound joy and bliss and spiritual awakenings? What would it look like to not be OK with flatness, to not let depression or anxiety become your main identifiers and to instead hold the desire to move through all of this and heal, choosing to not remain there because it just is ‘what has been’ for so long? What if extremes of feeling are an invitation for you to find more curiosity about yourself, your parts, your ways of being in life up ’til now that have so impacted who you are and in turn, how you impact the world around you?

When we see these polarizations, these intense emotional landscapes being reflected is so much of our shifting, changing, clanging, banging, yet powerfully-evolving world of human consciousness here on Gaia, we are being shown what has been true and very, very real, and what is finding its way to a higher place of being, seeing, feeling. We are being shown what still needs and wants to be owned in our shadows, in our mutual agreements within ourselves and with each other, both conscious and unconscious. We are reminded that we are learning and that this stage of learning is intense sometimes, yet necessary, as so much is being reset in our relationships to ourselves, each other, and to Gaia and all of Her creatures and geographies.

We are always being invited into a deeper resonance within, where we resonate with parts of us and help them see a new way that is held with love, not punishment, and where we can start to come between the extremes of reactions or non-reactions with a loving curiosity and desire to continue healing. Love is the conductor now of all of our inner healing. True compassion is then birthed from this love and our capacities to help others heal, along with ourselves, are awakened and deepened. Kindness and gentleness towards ourselves and others too can begin to genuinely arise from this work within, and no other way to be in life is desired. All of this, every single step, helps to ease the extremes we experience and bring around more of a life that feels alive, manageable, passionately compassionate, and above all, loving in the truest sense. ❤

***

Going Yin: The Healing Gifts of Our Relationship to the Feminine

Published on March 8, 2018 by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

Today is International Women’s Day. Now, of course, every day is Women’s Day, and vice versa. It is a reverence that just IS. It resonates and harmonizes with the feminine inside the masculine. It is clear that the 3rd-dimensional matrix upon Earth (I use Gaia for its 5D reference) is that of a patriarchal energy. Why else would there be a day to celebrate women? It feels important to let in what the feminine means for all of us men and to feel where our personal shadow may be in relationship to Her.

Since our “fall” from a more balanced union with the feminine there has been a force within the collective wounded masculine that has sought to dominate the feminine in one form or another. It has shown up in personal/social relationships, religious texts or their interpretations, the need to gain control over nature and consume Her resources. In this, I feel a deep fear of separation. The feminine has had a much stronger connection to Source, possibly due to their ability to give birth. It just understands creation and is a vehicle for that in a much more visceral way. I can feel this existential territory the collective masculine has navigated. In this fear of the unknown and unknowable, of which the feminine is so intimate, it seems likely that this need to control would play itself out. It also feels true that the masculine was more influenced by these darker energies and that this “influence” was coded into the DNA/meme of the masculine blueprint. Again, playing here, but something feels true here. The main point to me feels like, as men who have more of the masculine energies in us, that we are a part of that coding and it has had influence.

To truly ascend into what we are calling our Sacred Humanity we must feel any blocks or denser energies that can anchor us into 3D, or wounded densities. Our relationship with women is psychospiritual and has many gifts even in the shadow. By going inward (I call in going “yin”) and feeling the parts of us that hold more “negative” feelings about women, rooted in our relationship to mother and other important influences, we can begin to see what lurks in the background operating system of our projections. Our mothers/female caregivers hold a huge part of that reflection. What was the dynamic between mother and son and how does it play out in our current relationships and perception of the Divine Feminine? I know it is a bit Freudian but it is extremely important. I don’t feel it can be glossed over in regard to ascension.

The era we find ourselves is requiring us to inhabit a more Feminine frequency. We can not control this thing. It is a surrender to Love Spirit that cannot be contained but seeks a container to move with and through. That is tough knuckles for the wounded masculine energy that wants to control and issue its own parameters. I feel it in my being as the days progress. I am still working with it on some level as the Light is shining more on what needs healing. That is why I am being guided write this. But the gift of going in and feeling our relationship the feminine we are given the gifts and guidance needed to make our way into our more natural expression as a Sacred Masculine Human.

We are blessed with the ability to dance in the unknown and the aliveness that that brings to our present experience of life. We are opened in our hearts to let in more of this exquisite love juice that is lapping up on our shores every second of infinity. We are delivered into union with Her impeccable sensuality and sexuality as a portal to the All That Is that careens this magical energy all up and down our chakras. We see with heart eyes with reverence for all of life in all its bountiful and beautiful expressions both of, and outside, this world. There is an unlimited capacity for imagination and creation that sends beyond the machinations of our limited consciousness. She is the Queen of our King.

Gaia is looking for her Kings of Heart to arise out of the necessary ashes of 3D and embody the truly majestic essence of our being. We need to do our due diligence of feeling all there needs to feel in relation to Her and the Feminine. There is a correlate in women as well, but I will leave that to my feminine counterparts for that discussion. I am exploring this with an open heart and I don’t claim to have any definitive truths. I feel the heart says it all and is willing to feel more. Thank you for taking this in today and a special Love shower to all the women, feminine etheric/galactic BEings, Gaia, and Divine Mother on this day. I am in awe and reverence of YOU.

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Going Yin: Writing A New Constitution From Within

Published on March 7, 2018 by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

So much unhealed masculine taking front stage in the collective. Maybe no more or less than in the past. It is just becoming so obvious in all the geopolitical rhetoric and turmoil. The Right vs. The Wrong. The Ahead vs. The Left Behind. The Truth vs. The Fake. It is wreaking its own havoc in the emotional and spiritual bodies of all that participate. I used to be so deeply involved in the daily mill of the Info Wars. I used to listen to talk radio programs that would send out a barrage of rage and abomination. I would end my days in my own swirl of undigested fear and anger.

This could have only happened because it reflected something in me. I was attracted to the war which parts of me were waging inside. In my disgust of all things political, there was the same disgust going on in me. This was one of the single biggest awakenings for me in my journey.

I needed to meet my inner Bully Pulpit led by the Majority Whip known as my Inner Punisher. They all existed in me…and if you feel a rage against the machine, they exist in you as well. This is an ongoing process of feeling your own personal shadow that leads to a shift in the inner workings of your emotive governance. Pulling out of the din of the 24 news cycle was a much needed Motion that allowed me to feel the reality of this landing in my consciousness and heart.

I write this as the wounded masculine finds Itself a prime candidate in a presidential role. For this is actually a gift. We get to stare right in the face of what is left unhealed in our collective heart. This is exemplified not just in the U.S., but in many countries around the world. It is a spiritual thermometer, and we have a fever.

As those on the leading edge of a Great Shift, we have an opportunity to help heal this one by taking responsibility for our own healing. Our own rewriting of an Inner Constitution that raises the bar on what it means to have power WITH and not OVER. These power struggles all occur on the inside first. They are tender and delicate in their root. They are an abused and neglected child. A son or daughter in desperate need for a father who could love them and initiate them into a world of integrity and vulnerability. This rewrites HIStory and merges with HERstory.

Going Yin is as much a political movement as it is a spiritual journey. It invites all of us to feel our own roles, our own misappropriations, as well as a compassion for ourselves and others. It invites us to heal ourselves out of the old and into something not new, just forgotten. We have access to our own Higher Council that lives on a completely different ground yet the same floor. I choose to be a part of this new masculine reLOVEution in the spirit of what it means to be kings of a sacred humanity. I hope you will join me.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Re-Discovering And Loving The Buried Parts Within

Published on March 5, 2018 by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

Many years ago… I could not have told you that ‘becoming more feminine’ was my goal or intention. I grew up with an older sister who rebelled against femininity and wanted to be like her. I wanted to be friends with the guys that weren’t attracted to me, so at least I could have some way to be close to them regardless, to experience a connection with the opposite gender. I say ‘I’ here because before I was aware that I had ‘parts’ of me running the show of my life, ‘I’ was all ‘I’ had as a reference point for the dramas and desires and pain.

When I was very little, however, I wanted only to wear dresses. I liked big frilly ones with flowers. I liked my pretty shoes and white tights. I especially loved going to ballet class as a 5-year-old and being able to wear the pink skirt that represented my level over top of my leotard. I loved being called a ‘lady’ and would have fantasies about being in ‘princess training’. This was all before messaging of ‘being a girl means you’re weak’ or ‘incapable’ started to leak in and take over. This was before parts of me started to form as a casing, an ever-hardening shell over my natural sensitivity and blooming pre-womanhood. The dresses got put away. The tights could no longer be worn without holes being made in them almost immediately – a symbol, I’m realizing, of my young torn-ness between gender expressions. Skirts didn’t fit or feel right either, and I felt very self-conscious in them. Something was shifting out of wanting to be a girl to wanting to be related to, to be made friends with, to be able to somehow find comfortability in any social situation even if that meant being more like a ‘boy’ in some ways. I stopped feeling ‘pretty’ when I was quite young and thus I stopped trying to be, at least until high school.

I remember all of this in this very moment, especially as I feel a part of me that is my Inner Masculine. I feel how this is a story from him about how he came to be and how he began to form as an Inner Patriarch, coaching and teaching my other parts how to become more masculine in order to survive if not thrive in this world of 3D. I feel the tears of my suppressed, albeit quite young aspect of my Inner Feminine, who it feels like has some pain coming up in response to this… these feelings of being ‘girly’, which was more in my true nature, being deemed ‘not good enough’ so early in my life.

I share this story today because it feels like the story that belongs to so many of us… a story of genuine self-expression, of authentic sensitivity. Unless and until we can begin to feel the parts of us that have (had to) come up in response to life and more often than not, bury or try to dismiss what is actually TRUE about us, it doesn’t really feel possible to feel the layers here and to get to exactly what has been buried for so many ‘years’.

I feel like this extends far beyond authentic gender expression, so much as just what is authentically in our hearts. I feel the richness of a genuine experience of what the sacred masculine and feminine ARE, that can only really be experienced from within, not from other people’s ideas of what it is or is not… in either case when it comes to the masculine and the feminine, we are having to re-learn so much and deeply feel much more.

We have the courage to venture deeper into our own healing, ever-discovering more and more of what has been suppressed within our most inner caverns of what has always wanted to show us the most authentic us we have been waiting and working to BE… and it’s up to us when and if we are ready to lead him/her/them out of the shadows and into the light where they can breathe and play and be themselves again… and this time, without anyone telling them they have to stop being who and what they truly are. ❤

***

Tag: consciousness

Incoming Energies Highlight Shift From Wounded Masculine Awareness To Sacred Masculine Consciousness

The Love Of MU Is Within YOU: A Poem

Learning To Surf The Equinox New Earth Ascension Energies

PRACTICAL ASCENSION: 7 KEY AREAS OF LIFE – MENTAL AREA INTRO

Energy UPgrades Inviting Surrender To Incoming Love Codes

Healing Extremes Of 3D Emotional Conditioning As Human BEings

Going Yin: The Healing Gifts of Our Relationship to the Feminine

More Questions Than Answers: The Sacred And Necessary Journey Through 4D Into 5D Consciousness

Going Yin: Writing A New Constitution From Within

Re-Discovering And Loving The Buried Parts Within

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