Being With Your Inner Masculine As A Woman

by Kalayna Colibri

I wrote a digestion a few days back of the incoming energies really working the wounded masculine – helping us to see it within ourselves, others, the world around us, and in so doing, to help us start to see the emerging Sacred Masculine, which we cannot really start to feel until we can feel what it is NOT first… as always, starting within.

I’ve actually been working with my Inner Masculine for a few years now as part of my process on the SoulFullHeart path. “He” has had many forms – Inner Protector, Gatekeeper (4D protector of your soul, especially your Metasoul Aspects), Inner Father, Inner Punisher, and all in all, my Inner Mate. all in different waves, layers and expressions, all with different names and frequencies too. Nowadays he goes by the name of “Malcolm” and together we are feeling through what feel like some lingering and perhaps finally completing tendrils and ties to 3D reality, which he has held as so dear for so long, and for many valuable reasons.

As a woman, it feels so incredibly important to acknowledge, deeply feel, and profoundly honour the Inner Masculine within, as they are as much a part of what makes up the remaining patriarchal and wounded masculine frequencies and realities in our current world and widespread reality, both within and outside of us. We have as much responsibility to feel these frequencies within as men do… and this world we are experiencing and wanting to deconstruct in order to rebuild into New Earth, is one we, as parts of us, have co-created.

Today I chose to spend a magical and unfolding afternoon with Malcolm, as it was his wish to do this with me… to have some dedicated “us” time where we can feel each other and feel our relationship start to move into higher vibrations together. He waxed metaphysical as we sat in a local (very Mexican, very sweet!) coffee shop and journaled together. I will share our dialogue together, as it offers you a bridge into being with a part of you, and a way in which to be with your own Inner Masculine (as a man or woman!).

~

Malcolm: I like this place, Kalayna… A/C would be nice, but it’s good…. Coffee is good, new environment is good… can’t get too congested and busy in here because it’s so small, AND they speak English really well! It’s sweet… and it’s nice to not have to hold Spanish with you right now.

Kalayna: Right? And after all that notebook hunting, looking for a small one to fit into a purse, we still ended up with more stuff than will (really) fit in my purse. Hilarious!

M: I know… oh well… I have to get used to letting go of agendas and pictures… or at least any attachment to them.

K: Yes, well, that will come… is here already, actually. You are doing it, little by little.

M: Yes. I’m letting that (and you) in!

I’m sorry I can be such an ass sometimes…
K: It’s OK, Malcolm. That isn’t very common now… you are not an ‘ass’, my friend. You are protective sometimes maybe, but nothing more than that.

M: Thank you… I do feel like I am changing. Sometimes it’s hard to believe how much I can change actually and AM being invited to change, which really in my case means letting go more than anything else.

K: What does ‘letting go’ mean to you?

M: Oof… well, control. Letting go of control or any attempt at it. God, THAT alone causes so much stress, because life IS out of control… YOU are out of control.

K: I am? 🙂

M: Ummmm, well, your growth is, yes! Your destiny is, yes!

K: What do you feel about ‘destiny’, Malcolm?

M: I feel like it is a fixed star always on the horizon. Just, I don’t know, the highest point of your highest timeline… where maybe someone may not get to in one particular timeline, but eventually their soul will get there. OK, I am waxing metaphysical right now!

K: Please go on! I love it!

M: (blushing a little) OK… I will continue.

What if “destiny” isn’t a carrot held by Divine forces, but is instead an inevitability? And what if maybe the destiny, the Grand Destiny, if you will, is really just an ultimate return to love, but with ALL of the growth, changes and trajectories you’ve inhabited left intact. A “return to Source” in a way, but as the mosaic piece you ARE becoming fully carved out and painted in your soul’s unique energies and colours? I get the sense that humans are unique beings because they have and ARE uniqueness… I don’t know. It’s that Conscious Duality piece again, it seems (side note: more on Conscious Duality on our blog, if you’re curious).

K: Yes, wow, that actually opens something up in my heart. Thank you, Malcolm.

M: Yeah… it feels good and purposeful and interesting…. We came from love and unto love we shall return… with significance, not pride or arrogance. Yet significance. And reverence for ALL… wow… Juicy!

K: Sure is! 🙂

M: Thank you for this today, Kalayna.

K: You’re so welcome, Malcolm. More of this to come, sometimes with Gabriel too! 😀 And of course our other beloveds too… with more beloveds to come soon.

M: Yes! I would like that…

K: Me too. 

~

The pictures accompanying this post are from today! Me at the coffee shop (you can sort of see/feel Malcolm in my field), some goodies well-enjoyed, and the beautiful sun codes we took in together too. 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Incoming Energies Highlight Shift From Wounded Masculine Awareness To Sacred Masculine Consciousness

by Kalayna Colibri

These waves of March energies coming through are largely from the Sun, which I so feel holds much Divine/Sacred Masculine love and pulses through the world and through us the codes of awakening into the Sacred more and more. Because of the more masculine energy of these waves, they are activating, penetrating, and really pressing on the parts of us that still need to be felt and healed. They are a poultice in this way, bringing out more and more of the wounds in the collective and in the self too and of course one is a reflection of the other in immense ways.

The masculine love coming in now is not “manly”, not out to prove or disprove anything, not intending to override anything or anybody with almighty power and an iron fist of justice, revenge, or retribution. It’s a container, this masculine love. It is an all-encompassing bear hug from the Divine Father… warm, strong and tight, wanting to lift us up from where we’ve been, but only with our full permission and surrender into His arms.

And, we can’t really begin to feel what this Sacred Masculine looks and feels like, unless we can feel what it is NOT… meaning that at the same time as we are letting in these frequencies of Divine Love in masculine form, we are witnessing in ourselves, others and the world around us what the wounded masculine is as it pops up, sometimes full-on oozes up, to be felt. Parts of us are coming up out of the inner woodwork that have been holding this conditioning of what it means to be a human being in 3D reality, which also very often means that they are holding vibrations of the wounded masculine, and this is true for both men and women.

If you’re suddenly seeing the ways in which the wounded masculine shows up in your life and in the collective right now too, you’re being invited to be a witness to the arising of the Sacred Masculine… in all its vulnerability, heart-based leadership, genuine care and kindness, gentlemanly-ness, chivalry, and contention when necessary yet with heart and not prowess. There’s no need for it to be a warrior or a knight, either. It simply IS power and protection, with a willingness to let in and to let go, too, with its own needs in mind and heart as well as the needs of others – without duty or obligation – simply arising love in response to love. To be a witness to this arising is to feel what isn’t this inside of you, whether you are male or female, and to feel the parts of you and sometimes Metasoul Aspects too that have these frequencies. This is not to make them “wrong” or “bad”, yet to begin the process of supporting them to make the changes that they likely already want to make inside of themselves anyway. To courageously become a true vessel for and recipient of this new-feeling energy of love and sacred masculinity (and also sacred femininity, as they are not really mutually exclusive) is to be willing to go inward.

With all of this Sacred Masculine gusto coming in, we’re invited into new alchemy in our lives, to enter into phases of creation in tandem with the Divine spark inside of us. Divine Mother is known for Her invitational energy and this is here now too, intertwined with the ongoing invitation from the Divine Father to continue your heartful toil, your work within, your steps to offering service and love-based work to others. He and She are both here to help, to guide, to support, to empower. To feel their unconditional, infinite love for you is wonderful… to truly let it in and let it bake inside of you, spurring you on to new depths and heights from within you, is a whole other level of awesome, and a whole other stratum of really seeing and feeling who you are in your most precious essence as a son or daughter of the Divine. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

The Love Of MU Is Within YOU: A Poem

Painting: Lemurian Dreams by Tania Marie

It definitely feels like Lemurian energies are here strongly at this time… to support and offer guidance too during this phase of March Equinox energies that promise to last all month, or pretty much. I have recently felt my Lemurian Metasoul Aspect emerge, appropriately for them, during love-making with my beloved, Gabriel. Their sensuality and sexuality is passionate and deeply loving as well as devotional. There is a maturity they possess that is unique to anything I have felt in a Metasoul Aspect before. I am just getting to know my own aspect, who calls herself Misheeki. She offers frequencies of Divine Feminine, sunshine-love, and tropical springtime air. She has raw, tribal energy, coupled with ageless wisdom and depth. I am still trying to work out what her wounding is or could be, honestly, though I’m sure there is some pain, somewhere, though unlike my other Metasoul Aspects I have met and felt so far.

If you’re new to the concept of the Metasoul and Metasoul Aspects, you can read this for more info: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

The following poem I just wrote with Misheeki. It was actually quite challenging to let words come in with the energies she was imbibing (doesn’t help that they love speaking Light Language and not English!), yet hopefully, there is some bridge here that you can walk on to help you feel your own Lemurian aspect if the connection time is ripe. And if it isn’t time to connect with them, then perhaps there is no better time to connect deeper with parts of you that need you right now, while so much is being pressed on, pushed up, activated and upgraded. ❤

~

by Misheeki (Lemurian Aspect of Kalayna Colibri)

Arising…

the sun of the Self is arising.

Loving.

Feeling.

It is a time of great rebirth into a new dawn of a lighted day,

sung like a beacon

to the ethers of All.

 

Hum, dum, drum, dum…

The singing of the call surrounds the heart

of the beast that sheds its skin

for the nakedness of New Earth birth.

For naked shall All be

in all the glory

of a babe in the arms of the loved-up ones…

 

Bringing in the vastness

of YOU…

the bigness of the soul that bears the light

the sound

of a call to the heart

and the bridges built by ropes of wound-up dreamings.

 

So many… so many awakening

So many calling

So many learning, unlearning…

leaning, not collapsing…

The Divine of Love wants

needs

the Divine of All

to remember…

thrum, dum, drum, dum…

to remember the pulse-beat of Its hero’s heart

courageous and moving

feeling and seeking.

 

To feel in this light

is to move mountains inside.

To fear the mountains

is to avoid the climb.

To climb the mountains

is to honour their creation

as essential parts

of a freshly re-unified whole.

 

Know that Mother MU is with you…

during these times of transition and transformation.

Feel that She is not a place

yet a space inside of your being, heart and soul-scape.

Breathe, beloved…

She is with you,

now and always,

and Her Sun is yet still Hers

Though the light is offered through His frequencies

for the up and in and out

of every single spark of NEW, here

and NEW still to come…

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

PRACTICAL ASCENSION: 7 KEY AREAS OF LIFE – MENTAL AREA INTRO

In this video, SoulFullHeart Teachers, Facilitators and Sacred Union mates, Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna Colibri, discuss the mental area of life and how we can relate to the mental body from a point of view of love, respect, and spiritual and emotional healing and evolution.

There is so much energy placed on the mind and mental-based reality filtering is lauded and rewarded in our 3D reality, often over any other sort of pursuit or endeavor. Our five senses are the accepted gateway to taking in and understanding our world and the parts of us that make up our 3D Self, including our Inner Protector, Teenager, Mother/Father, and Punisher. As we ascend and awaken into more 4D frequencies and experience of life, sometimes there is a grasping at mental-based spirituality and filtering of spirituality in order to understand what’s happening in the individual and the world too, and why. This can step on the deepening emotional and embodied spiritual experience of awakening and is often a fear-based reaction from parts who are not ready for the awakening or are afraid to let go of 3D reality.

Kalayna and Gabriel also share about the awakening 5D Self, whose reality is more about visceral experience and moving with emotions as they come up rather than rationalizing or filtering them through mental-based conclusions or reasoning. Throughout Ascension, there is more fluidity that is invited, starting within, as the healing and unification of the Self continues and more oneness/non-dual experiences that are well beyond the mind can be had.

They offer too, that the mind is meant to ‘come with us’ during this process of Ascension and not to be left behind as many other spiritual paths offer. It is a crucial aspect of helping us find and visualize what’s possible for us and what our meditation journeys want to offer and show us. Eventually, perhaps the mind as we have known it is not needed anymore, and that alone can leave parts of us feeling anxious about what that reality could mean or be like, especially as the mind and thinking has been so over-emphasized and over-energized in 3D life.

If you have any questions or comments, you can leave them in the comment thread here on the blog, on the Youtube video itself, or find us on Facebook (just look for Kalayna Colibri and/or Gabriel Heartman and/or SoulFullHeart Way Of Life!). You can also email soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through PayPal: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

 

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Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. 

 Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

 

Energy UPgrades Inviting Surrender To Incoming Love Codes

by Kalayna Colibri

Today was certainly an Energy Bath sort of day! Wow… the day began for me today with my usual Monday morning routine of waking up early (3:30am) to teach English online. I could feel tiredness from a ‘lack of sleep’, yet intuitively, on a level other than the physical, it felt like more. I hadn’t felt tiredness of that sort for quite a while, I believe because doing dedicated inner work with your parts really tunes you into new ways of feeling what’s underneath anything physical going on for you.

I couldn’t feel any emotional rumblings, except some irritability from the ‘tiredness’, so checking in with my parts was brief and didn’t need to go any deeper. I felt guided instead to turn to Youtube, which has become a beloved source (really!) of some amazing music with consciously-added frequencies. I found a piece that vibrated in a 5D love frequency and decided to lay down, crystals and stones laid upon my body in various places, close my eyes, and see where it took me.

The music I was listening to can be found here: https://youtu.be/Yd0j72JgA60

I remember feeling myself easing into the mattress beneath me, my body getting heavier as I lay in savasana, surrendering deeper to the frequencies and where they wanted to take me. Then, a fuzzy feeling came over my limbs, wrapping itself around my entire body. I wondered if this was the frequency of the music itself coming into me. I felt as if I was being asked to lay aside my individuality for a moment or two, not to lose it, but to let it rest. Then I saw my Arcturian Metasoul Aspect, Ohna. She held my hand for a minute and assured me and parts of me that this was a time to surrender to some upgrades, some things I would not understand consciously. She couldn’t explain much to me about the process today with these energies, just that surrendering as I was doing in that moment was all that was necessary.

Then… suddenly I woke up and an hour had gone by when it felt like only a minute! Woah! I felt the tiredness in my body had moved through, not because I had ‘napped’, but because I had actually ‘gone’ somewhere with less density, less atmospheric pressure, and come back with some renewal and integration.

My feeling is that this all is coming from the incoming Equinox gateway, which is upon us quite soon now! It’s a feeling in moments like being a weathervane caught in between two very strong cross-winds… the higher frequencies coming in, inviting us UPward, are trying to give us air as the lower frequencies continue to let go and move out – a process that seems to have much less physical symptoms attached to it if we are in a process of deepening self-love and an ongoing process of really going within. It’s one thing to intend the healing we desire to be on the other side of already, and another thing entirely to walk it out. Walking it out means taking care of yourself and everything, every part of you and your inner world, as well as your physical body and your spiritual growth. And, in turn, this means that there is a humble and real letting in of the energies like the ones today, which can feel intense yet carry very specific love codes that want us to be WELL, and will support us in whatever ways they need to for us to truly find and claim our wellness and loved-up-ness within. 

If you’d like to ride these Equinox waves with myself and my beloveds in SoulFullHeart, Raphael and Jelelle Awen are hosting a Free March Equinox New Earth Activations Unity Meditation Call on March 21st @ 2:22pm CST online over Zoom. Please join us! 

Love to you on this and all high-energy days!

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Healing Extremes Of 3D Emotional Conditioning As Human BEings

by Kalayna Colibri

The 3D, transitioning and UPgrading consciousness of so many humans, seems to become so immersed in extremes. Extremes are sometimes the only way to either deeply feel, often to the point of suffering and not feeling anything beyond suffering is possible, or to absolutely NOT feel altogether. Every individual journey is unique, yet many seem to either choose numbness or intense, overwhelming swims inside of their reactions, without a bigger them there to help find their way to healing shorelines. This is what parts of you can choose… and it is all based on what they are willing to feel or not feel, what is actually safe for them to feel or not feel in their current living/work/relationship situation, and if they are ready to come to true healing and the end of suffering without transcendence being used to avoid all pain in general.

We see and witness this dance of extremes and polarities in so many ways. We see it in race/ethnicity wars, in partisan government division, in our cities where there are rich and poor neighborhoods without much in-between, in protests vs quietness… we see evidence of a highly conflictual world, run by so many Inner Punishers and perpetuated by them too. We feel our Inner Protectors trying to simultaneously keep us out of harm’s way and sometimes make the harm worse or more intense too. An example of this would be whether or not you choose to remain in an abusive relationship – with friends, birth family, supposed soul family and/or gurus, or romantic partners. The self-abuse reigns supreme in these scenarios and is being reflected by these relationships, yet this often cannot be seen or noticed because it has become so normalized. All of these exchanges of us vs. them or them vs. us starts within. Parts feel in often very polarizing ways and other parts have learned ways to cope with this instead of begin to let in that another reality is possible where healing and transformation can actually happen and extremes are no longer needed.

What would or could it look like to find the true ‘middle way’ in your life and in your heart? What would it feel like, BE like, to have a life where you have ample self-permission to feel all there is to feel inside of you while living a life that draws real love to you and lights up from inside of you so many more moments of profound joy and bliss and spiritual awakenings? What would it look like to not be OK with flatness, to not let depression or anxiety become your main identifiers and to instead hold the desire to move through all of this and heal, choosing to not remain there because it just is ‘what has been’ for so long? What if extremes of feeling are an invitation for you to find more curiosity about yourself, your parts, your ways of being in life up ’til now that have so impacted who you are and in turn, how you impact the world around you?

When we see these polarizations, these intense emotional landscapes being reflected is so much of our shifting, changing, clanging, banging, yet powerfully-evolving world of human consciousness here on Gaia, we are being shown what has been true and very, very real, and what is finding its way to a higher place of being, seeing, feeling. We are being shown what still needs and wants to be owned in our shadows, in our mutual agreements within ourselves and with each other, both conscious and unconscious. We are reminded that we are learning and that this stage of learning is intense sometimes, yet necessary, as so much is being reset in our relationships to ourselves, each other, and to Gaia and all of Her creatures and geographies.

We are always being invited into a deeper resonance within, where we resonate with parts of us and help them see a new way that is held with love, not punishment, and where we can start to come between the extremes of reactions or non-reactions with a loving curiosity and desire to continue healing. Love is the conductor now of all of our inner healing. True compassion is then birthed from this love and our capacities to help others heal, along with ourselves, are awakened and deepened. Kindness and gentleness towards ourselves and others too can begin to genuinely arise from this work within, and no other way to be in life is desired. All of this, every single step, helps to ease the extremes we experience and bring around more of a life that feels alive, manageable, passionately compassionate, and above all, loving in the truest sense. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

More Questions Than Answers: The Sacred And Necessary Journey Through 4D Into 5D Consciousness

Painting: ‘Unknown Terrain’ by Andrew Hem

by Kalayna Colibri

As we continue to move through 4D and find our way into 5D reality here on Gaia, there are so many more questions than answers, and there is a knowingness inside that hindsight truly is 20/20… meaning, sometimes we don’t and can’t know exactly what’s going on or where we’re heading until we’ve gotten there. There is a surmounting, ever-unfolding journey we are undertaking, fraught with mystery and entwined with conundrums. You find and claim one answer after another, only to ’round another corner and find another existential crisis awaits…

This is the experience of parts of us on this Ascension path. This is the experience within our Metasoul too and perhaps especially since there is so much karma held there, so many stories of other timelines and even galaxies and the happenings there. What is felt and experienced to be ‘the truth’ in one moment is then negated the next because of new discoveries within and in the world at large, too. There is so much mystery in this process of moving and ascending UPward, so much we cannot understand with our limited human energetic and verbal vocabulary, as it is right now. No wonder so many attempt to ‘figure out’ answers based in what their minds can learn. The heart though, the sacred, awakening and arising human heart, which is at the epicenter of our Ascension as a species, cannot learn through books and teachings alone and needs to experience… needs to feel… needs to let in and let go, too. So many answers are being revealed, starting from the inside, yet they need to be encouraged and supported from outside sources as well. Others who are walking this path alongside you. This is not meant to be an entirely lone wolf-based phase, this time of our Ascension. We are meant to do this together, be this together, find and feel the answers together, even if/when there is contention along the way, often held by parts or Metasoul Aspects of us not ready to let go into their truest vulnerability yet.

There is so much to learn. And are parts of us OK with not knowing our way through to this learning? This has been tricky to feel in this still predominantly patriarchal-based world and dimension, as the mind has been a prized possession and trophy, a sign of worth and power, for men and women alike. Over-reasoning has led parts of us down paths of deep hatred and fear, or a complete bypassing of much emotion at all. And then sometimes the mind gets a bad rap altogether, instead of being loved UP like any other part of our being and brought into our Ascension picture along with us. The mind is still needed, just perhaps not so relied upon, as its scope of the truthiest truths is limited at best.

The truth of Ascension lives at a personal level. It starts there like a seed, only to germinate with the right about of air, space, love. It grows with the questions, the navigation of choppy lower-4D waters, into the upper-4D flowing seas. It sways in the winds of new directions to go in, new places and parts to feel within, new physical geographies to inhabit. It is forever shifting, just as we are and are meant to. How we enter these phases of deep questioning and discernment is a show of active choice points and a foray into the unknown wilds of our human hearts which are at the core of our deepest healing processes and enlightenment/enHEARTenment opportunities.

And so, onward and UPward we continue, with all of our questions still burning brightly in the headlights and fuel tanks of our personal Merkabahs, somehow shining the way  and moving us along still, even if we can’t ever be totally sure where we are going… though it seems too, that as we inhabit even these difficult states of 4D-being and the reality of this for parts of us and move into 5D more and more, the questions become less important than the pure remembering that in the end, the details and ‘answers’ to our questions and quandaries matter far less than the return to our pure and deep understanding and kNOWingness, that we are now and will always ever be LOVE embodied in Sacred Human form. And reaching this state (even if it only lasts for moments at a time at first!) makes all of the journeying, all of the prior perplexed-ness so completely worth it. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Re-Discovering And Loving The Buried Parts Within

by Kalayna Colibri

Many years ago… I could not have told you that ‘becoming more feminine’ was my goal or intention. I grew up with an older sister who rebelled against femininity and wanted to be like her. I wanted to be friends with the guys that weren’t attracted to me, so at least I could have some way to be close to them regardless, to experience a connection with the opposite gender. I say ‘I’ here because before I was aware that I had ‘parts’ of me running the show of my life, ‘I’ was all ‘I’ had as a reference point for the dramas and desires and pain.

When I was very little, however, I wanted only to wear dresses. I liked big frilly ones with flowers. I liked my pretty shoes and white tights. I especially loved going to ballet class as a 5-year-old and being able to wear the pink skirt that represented my level over top of my leotard. I loved being called a ‘lady’ and would have fantasies about being in ‘princess training’. This was all before messaging of ‘being a girl means you’re weak’ or ‘incapable’ started to leak in and take over. This was before parts of me started to form as a casing, an ever-hardening shell over my natural sensitivity and blooming pre-womanhood. The dresses got put away. The tights could no longer be worn without holes being made in them almost immediately – a symbol, I’m realizing, of my young torn-ness between gender expressions. Skirts didn’t fit or feel right either, and I felt very self-conscious in them. Something was shifting out of wanting to be a girl to wanting to be related to, to be made friends with, to be able to somehow find comfortability in any social situation even if that meant being more like a ‘boy’ in some ways. I stopped feeling ‘pretty’ when I was quite young and thus I stopped trying to be, at least until high school.

I remember all of this in this very moment, especially as I feel a part of me that is my Inner Masculine. I feel how this is a story from him about how he came to be and how he began to form as an Inner Patriarch, coaching and teaching my other parts how to become more masculine in order to survive if not thrive in this world of 3D. I feel the tears of my suppressed, albeit quite young aspect of my Inner Feminine, who it feels like has some pain coming up in response to this… these feelings of being ‘girly’, which was more in my true nature, being deemed ‘not good enough’ so early in my life.

I share this story today because it feels like the story that belongs to so many of us… a story of genuine self-expression, of authentic sensitivity. Unless and until we can begin to feel the parts of us that have (had to) come up in response to life and more often than not, bury or try to dismiss what is actually TRUE about us, it doesn’t really feel possible to feel the layers here and to get to exactly what has been buried for so many ‘years’.

I feel like this extends far beyond authentic gender expression, so much as just what is authentically in our hearts. I feel the richness of a genuine experience of what the sacred masculine and feminine ARE, that can only really be experienced from within, not from other people’s ideas of what it is or is not… in either case when it comes to the masculine and the feminine, we are having to re-learn so much and deeply feel much more.

We have the courage to venture deeper into our own healing, ever-discovering more and more of what has been suppressed within our most inner caverns of what has always wanted to show us the most authentic us we have been waiting and working to BE… and it’s up to us when and if we are ready to lead him/her/them out of the shadows and into the light where they can breathe and play and be themselves again… and this time, without anyone telling them they have to stop being who and what they truly are. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Information Is An Invitation

by Kalayna Colibri

We are always downloading, integrating, feeling through information coming in, data parts of us area seeking, answers to questions that may or may not be the ‘right’ ones, but are answers for now, at any rate. Parts of us and Metasoul Aspects too, are searching and finding, seeking and hiding. We are feeling this in every moment as we move through life, embody our Ascension, and heal our way to a higher vibrational way of BEing in life (and in LOVE).

What we read, hear, digest, can only ever be an invitation. The mind looks for doorways and the soul seeks out the paths, sometimes even those that aren’t well-worn at all, yet have some sort of signposts showing a direction or two that can be taken. All of this though, this is all in invitation. And it’s up to us how, when or if we ever choose to wander in wonder through these openings.

There are so many who write and speak of what they feel they ‘know’ and with an energy of ‘this IS THE truth’ and ‘if you don’t believe this, you are doomed’ or worse yet, ‘you are one of THEM…’. It’s not the information or download itself that is in question, for we are all given data to digest one way or another, yet it is the charge with which we offer each other our insights and downloads that bears some transmuting from within.

I checked in with myself about this in meditation this morning. I checked with the Divine Mother too, my beloved guide and source of undying, absolutely infinite love and holding of my worth. She offered this piece about everything always being an invitation, for nothing can be forced. We cannot force each other to follow along with what we’re feeling and being, we can only invite and let go. We can only go inward if we feel something other than invitational energy coming from us towards others. This has been a big part of my personal process over the last several years, and I think for most if not all healers, this is a deep and necessary place to go. We are all gifted, so much so, and have such amazing abilities to tap into and share much that is based on what we are feeling, being downloaded, and above all, experiencing. To really take a sober look at where we are coming from when we do all of this, takes courage, a great deal of self-love, and a desire to deeply and truly love all of humanity.

“It can only ever be an invitation”… I feel these words ring so true and warm inside of me. I feel the freedom they offer, that She offers, from feeling confined to the knowingness of others. I feel the permission to lean into those teachings I feel are resonant, which for me means more and more that these teachings must come from a source that has done much inner work in order to truly and deeply ring true inside of me, and, I feel how this permission is really about an invitation to lean into myself, to feel more trust in my own ‘sources’ of information inside of myself, that are always available if I ask and intend to hear and feel them.

May all of this go into you and your own parts as an invitation, not a mandate. Wow, so this is basically an invitation into an invitation… that feels enlivening! ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Loved-Up: A Sacred Union Poem

by Kalayna Colibri

 

Face-squish snuggles,

melting touches,

roll between bedsheets

of softness,

bellowing and beckoning

heartbeams of sunshine and goodness

among the sticky-hot sweetness.

 

My head catches up

to my heart’s warmth and wonder

at how we two

so different,

so alike,

came together

to move together as one

yet two

all over again…

 

Lover of my heart, soul and body,

cherisher of that which I cherish,

my everything claims this,

our space of phases

and movements together,

no matter the length and breadth

of roads we travel side by side.

The light I love in you

holds a lighthouse lamp shining

for the leadership of yours

next to the shining brightness

of my own.

 

From here we gaze inward,

toward ourselves and each other,

belly-laughing,

dog-sandwich, morning-bed cuddling,

sweet sunset kissing,

and daylight collaborating…

 

This bridge between us

made of much,

holds the truths of which

we will uncover

as we each agree to the next MORE…

and our flow of love

cascades onward

as we walk hand-in-hand,

together. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.